Parenting Pearls

The Jewish Home | AUGUST 4, 2022 Parenting Pearls Appreciating Hashem’s Gifts

By Sara Rayvych, MSEd

My daughters have been doing incredible activities at Camp Revach, and I’m continuously amazed at the creativity involved each day. This past week, my daughter tossed a posterboard on the table, and the bright colors caught my eye. Taking a closer look, I saw a thin sheet of reflective material surrounded by post-it notes, each with my daughter’s gentle handwriting on it. The title proudly declared, “Hashem gave me the talent of,” with each little paper naming a different gift that she thought of to appreciate.

I will admit I was very impressed. The girls had spent the past few weeks focusing on the gifts that Hashem gave them, appreciating who they are as they looked into their reflection on the posterboard.

Too often we don’t take the time to acknowledge our talents. When we do, we may fail to recognize their divine source. Each of our children have unique abilities, strengths, and gifts. As their parents, we want to do our utmost to help them recognize, appreciate, and improve upon what Hashem has already given them.

Appreciating Gifts

Hashem gave each of us – young and old – gifts in the form of our talents and capabilities. It only seems appropriate that we make the effort to recognize, and thereby appreciate, those very gifts. Rather than deny or ignore our unique strengths, we need to encourage and promote our talents.

These talents may seem big or they may seem small, but they’re all gifts. I was happy to see my daughter’s post-it notes contained a variety of strengths, particularly those that are easy to ignore. Being able to soothe the boo-boos of a younger sibling is certainly a talent, as are making others laugh and being handy around the house. We may not see these as anything special but not everyone can connect to others easily or fix anything that breaks at home.

We know our children best, and we can help them appreciate all the different parts that make them special. Even seemingly ordinary activities should be appreciated. Not every kid has the patience with a child at the park, the skills to bake a cake, or the writing ability to create funny stories. When we see our children doing these activities, they should learn to appreciate what they can do rather than take it for granted.

Our children may take what they do for granted but that doesn’t mean we should. We can express pride in their accomplishments and encourage them further. Children are very impressionable and sensitive to their parent’s opinions. When they see how we value all the different facets of their talents, they will too. The goal is for them to appreciate who they are and further use those gifts.

A Different Criteria

The outside world may have a more limited view of what is considered special and unique. While the world may only appreciate the opera-level singer, we can value someone with a pleasant voice during leining or leading davening. Even without a professional music career, being able to inspire others during davening is a true gift. Some consider a professional artist to be one whose portraits hang in celebrated art galleries. The simple yet engaging drawings that bring the parsha to life for a youngster are no less important. One of my sons only started to love parsha once we found the correct illustrations that appealed to him. Those drawings may not win an artistic award, but their creator has certainly earned a higher trophy.

A well written d’var Torah may never win a literary award, but it can truly inspire others and make them think. We have a different set of criteria for how we judge accomplishment and that should be reflected in our goals for our children and our appreciation for what they achieve.

Appreciate The Source

There is one Source for everything, and talent is no exception. Everything we have comes from Hashem and it’s our obligation to use them in His service. There is no place for conceited feelings because we owe Hashem for all we have, not our own privileges.

We understand the importance of humility and acting with anivus is a treasured middah. It only makes sense that we’d avoid anything that could breed the opposite feelings in our children.

Moshe was called “anav mikol adam”; it’s often noted that Moshe clearly realized who he was yet was still an anav. Not only was Moshe called an “anav” in the Torah, but the Torah says “mikol adam.” Being an anav doesn’t necessitate denying who we are. Therefore, acknowledging our gifts from Hashem doesn’t need to lead to conceit.

One could even argue that recognizing the many gifts Hashem gives could lead to greater humility and gratitude towards the True Source. When reflecting on the gifts Hashem has given us, how can we be anything but appreciative and humbled? The Creator of the World has given us something unique! What a shame it would be if we didn’t gift our children the ability to see their talents and accomplishments from their appropriate Source.

Encourage Further Growth

Talents should be enjoyed and developed. When we recognize a gift our child has, we should try to encourage our child to improve that area. There are many ways to encourage our children to enhance their natural talent.

Our son showed a strong interest in leining after his bar mitzvah. Baruch Hashem, we were given the name of someone who could help him finetune his skill, and he’s been successfully leining for years. What could have remained dormant without extra training became a source of nachas and further personal growth.

Professional lessons can be helpful but are not always affordable or available. Depending on the talent, there may be many options other than expensive classes. It may involve research and networking to discover those resources, but there are usually many options.

Most importantly, we tend to underappreciate the impression parental encouragement can make on a child. Just by showing we value their skills and want them to pursue them further can be enough of a strong push in the right direction.

Each of our children are in this world to fulfill their specific divine mission. Hashem gave them those special capabilities that we can help nurture, bringing them one step closer to creating the eternal impact that only they can.

Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@ gmail.com.