Centerfold

The Jewish Home | SEPTEMBER 22, 2022 TJH Centerfold

Proposed Additions to the English Language

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib’re um) - n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.

Bowlikinetics (boh lih kih neh’ tiks) - n. The act of trying to control a released bowling ball by twisting one’s body in the direction one wants it to go. Ellacelleration - n. The mistaken belief that repeatedly pressing the elevator button will make it go faster.

Flopcorn (flop’ korn) - n. The un-popped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.

Carcreak - n. Those crackling, tinkling, creaky noises your car makes after you park and turn it off.

Carperpetuation (kar’pur pet u a shun) - n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Cheeriomagnetism – n. The quality of cereal that causes the last five Cheerios in the bowl to clump together.

Chipfault (chip’ fawlt) - n. The stress point on a potato chip where it breaks off and stays behind in the dip.

Destinesia (des tin e sha) - n. When you go somewhere, and then upon arrival you forget why you went there. Flosstitution - v. Using anything other than real floss to clean between your teeth.

Intaxication - n. Euphoria at getting a tax refund, even though it was your money to start with.

Memnents - n. The small broken pieces at the bottom of an M&M bag

Mittsquinter - n. The guy who looks into his baseball glove after dropping the fly ball, as if he dropped the ball because something was wrong with his glove.

Phonesia (fo nee’ zhuh) - n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

Yankel was talking to his psychiatrist.

“I had a weird dream recently,” he said. “I saw my mother but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn’t get back to sleep. I just stayed there thinking about it until 8 AM. I got up, made myself a slice of toast and some coffee, and came straight here. Can you please help me explain the meaning of my dream?”

The psychiatrist was silent for a moment, and then said, “What? One slice of toast and coffee? Do you really call that a breakfast?!”

Apple Trivia

1. What is contained in an apple seed? a. Fulvic acid b. Copper c. Lycopene, which is a cancerpreventative phytonutrient d. Vitamin B17, which is a cyanide-containing molecule

2. Approximately how many varieties of apples are there around the world? a. 250 b. 600 c. 2,000 d. 7,500

3. Apples are made up of 25 percent of which substance? a. Air b. Oil c. Vitamin C d. Acid

4. How old is an apple tree when it begins to bear fruit? a. 2 to 3 years b. 4 to 5 years c. 6 to 8 years d. 10 to 12 years

5. The U.S produces the secondmost apples in the world. Which company produces the most apples annually? a. Guatemala

b. Mexico c. Vietnam d. China

6. What is the science of apple growing called? a. Apiology b. Pomology c. Atmology d. Onomasiology

7. How many pounds of apples does the average

American eat annually? a. 19 pounds b. 23 pounds c. 47 pounds d. 52 pounds

8. What is the most grown apple? a. Granny Smith b. Red Delicious c. Fuji d. Golden Delicious e.

Answers: 1) D - That is right, apple seeds do contain the compound amygdalin, also known as Vitamin B17. This compound can produce cyanide. However, it is not dangerous to eat apple seeds because the cyanide that is being released is usually in small enough doses that it either passes through the digestive system or the body can combat it. 2) D 3) A - Apples float because they are 25% air. 4) C 5) D - China not only makes the most Apple Inc. products, it also produces 43 million tons of edible apples a year; the U.S. produces 41 million tons of apples annually. 6) B 7) A - The average American eats 19 pounds of apples per year. That comes out to approximately 65 apples. So, you have your work cut out for you, my friend! 8) B

Wisdom Key: 6-8 correct: Crunch…crunch. You really know your apples from your oranges! 3-5 correct: You are not exactly a pomologist but not bad. 0-2 correct: Is that apple seed cyanide getting to your brain?