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I Only Have Eyes for You by Rav Moshe Weinberger
From the Fire Parshas Lech Lecha I Only Have Eyes for You
By Rav Moshe Weinberger Adapted for publication by Binyomin Wolf
This is like a Shabbos Sheva Brachos for the entire Jewish people because if you count the blessings Hashem gives Avraham at the very beginning of the parsha (Bereishis 12:1-3), there are seven blessings. We must understand how the covenant of Avraham Avinu relates to our covenant with G-d and the covenant between a chosson and a kallah, a husband and wife.
The Midrash (Bereishis Raba 46:9) teaches, “If your children uphold circumcision, they will enter the land, and if not, they will not enter the land… Thus Hashem said to Avraham Avinu, ‘And I have given to you and your seed after you…’ (Bereishis 17:8) on condition that ‘And you shall guard My covenant’ (Id. at 9).” The Tur at the beginning of his discussion of the halachos of bris milah (Yoreh De’ah 260) teaches this concept as well, stating that in the merit of the covenant of milah, Hashem entered into a covenant with us to give us Eretz Yisroel. But this is very difficult to understand. There are very few mitzvos that even the most non-observant Jews try to keep, but bris milah is one of them. Yet Eretz Yisroel is not truly in our hands in the way that it should be. If almost all Jews try to observe this mitzvah, why don’t we have a true hold on Eretz Yisroel?
It must therefore be that there are two aspects of the mitzvah of milah. Chazal did not say, “If your children uphold the mitzvah of circumcision…” They say, “If your children uphold circumcision.” We see that one aspect of milah is the mitzvah to physically perform the act of circumcision. That is over in a moment. The second aspect of milah is our obligation to uphold our covenant with G-d to which we commit ourselves with the mitzvah of milah. This is the lifelong mitzvah of “And you shall guard My covenant.”
The act of circumcising the flesh is merely a signature, a sign of our consent to the obligation to uphold a lifelong covenant. Yet we do not merit entering Eretz Yisroel just by performing this act.
We can understand this with an analogy. Reuven signs a contract obligating him to repay a certain sum of money to Shimon over a period of time. But as time goes on, Reuven never makes any of the payments under the contract. When Shimon approaches him about this, he answers, “That’s my signature on the document. I have fulfilled all of my obligations by signing. I stand by my signature but that does not obligate me to do anything further!” We can all see that Reuven’s claim is patently ridiculous. The whole point of a contract, a covenant, between two parties is that the parties fulfill the obligations outlined in the agreement over time. A signature is not the end of one’s obligations. It is only the beginning. A signature without the intent to fulfill the obligations embodied by that signature is a completely empty gesture. Similarly, circumcision is the “sign of the covenant between Me and you (Bereishis 17:11).” It is our signature, obligating us to fulfill our obligations to Hashem over time. It is only a sign of the covenant, but it is not the be-all-to-end-all of our fulfillment of the covenant itself.
These two aspects of the mitzvah of milah are reflected in the two blessings we say at a bris. The first bracha thanks Hashem for sanctifying us with his mitzvos and commanding us “regarding circumcision.” This bracha relates to the one-time physical act of circumcision. The second bracha thanks Hashem for our obligation “to bring [the child] into
the covenant of Avraham Avinu.” The first element relates to a mitzvah that is over in a moment. But guarding the “covenant of Avraham Avinu” involves changing how one views his entire life. It is a life in which one is always conscious of not desecrating the sanctity of his covenant with G-d.
In the words of the Seforno (on Bereishis 17:11), the bris is an “eternal reminder to go in His ways like the sign of a master on his servant.” Through the covenant on our flesh, Hashem whispers to us at work, on the train, in the street, and while we are sitting at the computer, “And you shall guard My covenant.” Guarding the covenant means always looking for ways to sanctify everything associated with the part of the body on which Hashem has sealed His covenant with us. If we live a life in which we guard the sanctity of the covenant, it is a completely different life. It is a life with which we merit to enter into Eretz Yisroel, into the palace of the King, the land of true life.
This type of covenant exists in the relationship between a husband and wife as well. The first Mishna in Kiddushin says there are three ways one can betroth his wife, but our custom is to use a ring for betrothal. In explaining this (Even Ha’Ezer 27:1), Rav Moshe Isserles, zt”l, the “Rama,” writes, “And therefore we have the custom to betroth with a ring and the reason is explained in the Tikunei Zohar (5).” Although he was a great kabbalist, the Rama almost never quotes the Zohar in his emendations to the Shulchan Aruch. We therefore see that the ring has a very deep significance. The Sefer Hachinuch, however, offers a simple explanation (Mitzva 552). By using a ring, the wife always carries something with her to remind her that she is a married woman. If her husband used money to betroth her, the money would be spent right away and nothing would remain to remind her of her special relationship with her husband.
Marriage is a covenant. The chasuna, the wedding ceremony, is the initial act of entering into the covenant, but it is only the beginning. Marriage is a commitment between the chosson and kallah in which they tell each other, “And you shall guard My covenant.” We see the ring serving as a reminder of the connection between two sides in other places as well. The Mishkan, the resting place of the Divine presence within the Jewish people, contained beams, kerashim. And each beam had rings. The word for beam, karash, has the same letters as the word for connection, kesher. A ring is used to remember the connection between a husband and wife and between the Jewish people and Hashem. The last prophet in Tanach even says in his last prophecy (Malachi 2:14) that marriage is a covenantal relationship: “She is your companion and the wife of your covenant.” A life in which one remembers and guards his covenant with Hashem and with his wife is completely different from one in which he views his bris milah and his wedding just as bygone events from his
past, mitzvos he long-ago checked off of his to-do list.
Every morning a Jew wraps his tefillin strap around his finger like a wedding ring and says, “And you are betrothed to Me forever. And you are betrothed to Me with righteousness, with judgment, with kindness and with mercy and you are betrothed to Me with faithfulness.” Hashem is reminding us, “We are committed to each other. Remember to guard My covenant!” That covenant is forever. We use a ring to remember it because a ring is round and has no end, just like our commitment to G-d and our covenant with our husband or wife is forever.
The Sefer Chupas Chasanim is very worthwhile to learn before a chasuna. He explains why we have the custom that the chosson puts the ring on his kallah’s forefinger and why the ring is made of gold. He quotes the following pesukim (Tehillim 19:8-11): “Hashem’s Torah is perfect, restoring the soul, the testimony of Hashem is trustworthy, making the simple one wise. The laws of Hashem are straight, gladdening the heart. The commandment of Hashem is clear, enlightening the eyes. The fear of Hashem is pure, standing forever. The judgments of Hashem are true, altogether just. More desired than gold and fine gold and are sweeter than honey and the dripping of honeycombs.” He points out that if one counts each word of these pesukim starting with the thumb on each hand, the word “Hashem” is always associated with the forefinger except for the last time, when the word “gold” is associated with the forefinger. It is like the kallah, when she holds out her forefinger, is pointing to G-d, saying ,“Remember your relationship with Hashem and with this gold ring that you are giving to me, always remember your relationship with me.”
Everywhere a Jew goes, he must ask himself whether he is upholding the covenant of Avraham Avinu. If a woman at work starts talking with him and
telling him all of her problems, what is he thinking? Is he thinking, “I am a married man. I am in a committed relationship with my wife and with G-d”? Is he ensuring that he is upholding the covenant when he looks at his computer, iPhone, or Android device?
Our efforts to guard the covenant with G-d truly sum up our goals in life. We want Hashem to be able to say about us at the end of our lives, “And You found his [Avraham’s] heart faithful before You (Nechemia 9:8).” As the Malbim explains on that pasuk, “After all of the tests with which Avraham was tested and which he passed, his heart was found to be faithful.” He guarded his covenant with G-d despite all of his tests and all of the difficulties.
One of the most well-known stories of the Vilna Gaon, the Gra, took place in front of the entire community and was so famous that it was recorded in the city records of Vilna. While the Gra’s whole life was Torah, the one practical mitzvah he was involved with was ensuring that orphans, boys or girls who had lost one or both parents, were able to get married. He involved himself in making matches, and the only time he left his home was to officiate at the weddings of these orphans. One time, he made a match between a beautiful young woman who had lost one of her parents and a very talented yeshiva boy who was also an orphan. But this boy was blind from birth. The girl’s surviving parent was completely against the match, but the young woman said that if the Gra suggested it, the match must be G-d’s will, and so she agreed to the match.
Despite her family’s opposition, the wedding went forward, and the Gra went to officiate. As he was holding the cup of wine, ready to start the brachos, the Gra stopped and turned to the chosson and said, based on the Gemara in Kiddushin (41a), “It is forbidden to betroth a woman without seeing her.” Under the circumstances, the halacha is that a blind man may marry a woman without seeing her. But despite his obvious knowledge of this exception, the Gra still said what he said. Everyone present was flabbergasted and began crying at the pain the chosson must have felt hearing the Gra’s words. But the Gra took the young man’s head and turned it toward his bride. He opened his eyes and the chosson was able to see his kallah’s face. While everyone was overcome with emotion, the Gra told him, “This did not happen because of me. It happened in the merit of your kallah’s faith. You are meritorious in that the first thing you saw in your life is your kallah’s face. May you always only see her.”
There was an old song from a previous incarnation, “I only have eyes for you.” That is how we must approach our commitment to Hashem and our wives and husbands. As we live a life always working to fulfill our covenant with Hashem, we say, “I only have eyes for You, Hashem.” And by guarding our covenant with G-d, we also guard our covenant only to have eyes for our husbands and wives.
In the merit of each of us upholding the covenant between the Jewish people and Hashem and the commitment each between every chosson and kallah, may we merit to truly return in the fullest way to Eretz Yisroel and the ultimate reunification with Hashem and with each other when we will experience (Yirmiyahu 33:11) “the sound of happiness and the sound of joy, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride” with the coming of Moshiach, may it be very soon in our days.
