I Am a Rock by Rav Moshe Weinberger

From the Fire Parshas Toldos I Am a Rock

By Rav Moshe Weinberger Adapted for publication by Binyomin Wolf

The Torah reiterates a great deal of biographical information about Rivka when the pasuk (Bereishis 25:20) says, “And Yitzchak was forty years old when he married Rivka the daughter of Besuel the Aramean from Padan Aram, the sister of Lavan the Aramean to himself for a wife.” Rashi asks why the Torah has to repeat all of these background facts about Rivka when we already knew them from earlier parshiyos. He answers, “But this is to recount her praise because she was the daughter of a wicked man and sister of a wicked man and her place was [filled with] wicked men, yet she did not learn from their actions.”

Interestingly, it seemed from last week’s parsha that Rivka’s greatest trait was her kind and gentle nature. This was the primary quality she passed on to the entire Jewish people, who are characterized by, among other things, the fact that they are “givers of kindness.” Why then does the Torah emphasize here that her greatest praise is that “she did not learn from their actions”?

The truth is that one of a person’s strongest drives is to feel “normal.” And for most people, one of the greatest sins is to be considered “weird” or “not normal.” The Rambam (Hilchos De’os 6:1) explains this as follows:

Man was created in such a way that he is drawn after his friends and acquaintances in his attitudes and actions and to behave according to the customs of the people in his country. Therefore, one must attach himself to tzaddikim and always dwell near wise people in order that he should learn from their actions and distance himself from wicked people who walk in darkness in order that he not learn from their actions.

Rivka was the daughter of a wicked man, the sister of a wicked man, and lived in a world full of wicked people, yet she remained a tzadeikes in spite of it all. This is even more amazing considering how Avraham also lived in opposition to his environment, but he did so by cutting himself off from his land, his birthplace, and from his father’s house. Yet Rivka accomplished this while still in her environment; she still managed to become and remain a tzadeikes. She personified that which the pasuk (Shir Hashirim 8:10) said (which Chazal teach refers to Avraham Avinu), “I am a wall.” She was rock solid, like a wall. There are Jews who are not moved by any force in the world, and Rivka was one of them.

The pasuk (Bamidbar 23:9) says, “From the top of rocks I see him and from the hills I behold him.” Rashi, quoting the Midrash, explains, “I gaze at their origins and the beginning of their roots and I see them established and strong like rocks and hills because of their Avos and Imahos.” We see that the Avos were a powerful foundation upon which the entire Jewish people were built because they were like rocks, immovable in their dedication to Hashem. That is why Chazal (Rosh Hashana 11a) call the Avos the “Strong ones of the world.” This trait is why they merited to serve as the bedrock of the Jewish nation and why the Torah’s primary praise of Rivka is to tell us her background in order to show us that she was a rock and “did not learn from their actions.”

But how does this square with the fact that Eliezer found Rivka not because of her trait of strength in the face of opposition, but because of her great kindness? Even Avraham seems to be known mainly for his trait of kindness

and, as the pasuk (Tehillim 39:3) says, “The world was built on kindness.”

We must understand the trait of kindness more deeply. The Gemara (Bava Metzia 87a) says, “Tzaddikim say little and do much. The wicked say much and do not even do a little.” Rivka personified this trait of the tzaddikim. She only told Eliezer that she would bring him water, but in the end, she also brought water for all of his camels as well. The difference between tzaddikim and wicked people is not how many words they speak. The Chofetz Chaim was known to be an active conversationalist. There are probably bad people who speak very little. The key difference is how they follow through on their words.

This is the difference between the kindness of the wicked and the kindness of the righteous. The deeper essence of kindness is when a person lives for others and not for himself. Everything he does is for the sake of his wife, his children, his friends, his shul, his community, for Hashem. Because he does not live for himself, there is no “I” to get in the way of his commitments. A wicked person, on the other hand, may intend to keep his word. But since whatever he resolves to do for others is based on selfish motives on some level, he gives up as soon as his own needs conflict with his commitment. This is the trait about which the pasuk (Devarim 32:20) says, “They are a generation of changes, children in whom there is no trustworthiness.”

Tzaddikim possess the trait of being rock-solid, like a wall. They follow

through on their commitments. That is the deepest meaning of kindness. Because tzaddikim live for others, their personal concerns do not get in their way. If any obstacle arises, it is best to move out of their way lest one get run over! Because Rivka possessed the attribute of kindness, she lived for others, and that is why she was a wall who “did not learn from their actions.”

That same trait of kindness, of living for another person rather than for oneself, is also the key to marriage. The Gemara (Yevamos 62b) teaches us that “any man who has no wife lives without… a wall…” When a person gets married, he learns what it means to live for another person and not just for himself

in a way he can never experience as a single person. If a husband lives for his wife, if he “says little and does much” and if a wife lives for her husband, then it will be a successful marriage. Nothing will stand in the way of whatever each one must do to take care of the other. This is what it means to be a “wall.” But if each one primarily looks out for themselves and what they get out of the relationship, then the wall of their marriage will, G-d forbid, crumble.

As we enter the month of Kislev, we begin to see the Chanukah lights on the horizon and think of the words from Maoz Tzur, “And they burst through the walls of my towers.” The Greeks personified the self-centered attitude of the wicked who “say much and do not even do a little.” They lack that “wall” characteristic. That is why they tried to break down our walls.

May we merit to fulfill our heritage of kindness bequeathed to us by the Avos and Imahos, living for others with rock-solid fortitude. And with that accomplished, may we see the rebuilding of the walls of Yerushalayim and the Beis Hamikdash with the coming of Moshiach, may he arrive soon in our days.

Because he does not live for himself, there is no “I” to get in the way of his commitments.

Rav Moshe Weinberger, shlita, is the founding Morah d’Asrah of Congregation Aish Kodesh in Woodmere, NY, and serves as leader of the new mechina Emek HaMelech.