Meet Me at the Zoo

» You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.

- Jerry Seinfeld

» Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine. - Bill Vaughan

» I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around. - John Lyon

» My favorite animal is steak. - Fran Lebowitz

» One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. - Groucho Marx

» I ran like a cheetah – well, like a cheetah that smoked too much. - John

Green

» It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep, than a sheep at the head of an army of lions.

- Daniel Defoe

Riddle Me This

A pet shop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said, “Parrot repeats everything it hears.” A man bought the parrot and for three weeks he spoke to it, but it didn’t repeat anything. He returned the parrot, but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot’s speaking abilities. How can this be?

» I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.

- Herb Caen

» Basically, I believe the world is a jungle, and if it’s not a bit of a jungle in the home, a child cannot possibly be fit to enter the outside world. - Bette Davis

» I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.

- Mitch Hedberg

» To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.

- George Carlin

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

A team of little animals and a team of big animals had a football game. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.

When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?”

Answer: The parrot was deaf.

The insect replied, “Putting on my shoes!”