School of Thought

By Etti Siegel

Q:Dear Etti, I am nervous about the long yom tov break. Don’t get me wrong. I love Pesach. I love my family. But I do not like the days before Pesach when my kids have no structure. I do not enjoy the long yom tov afternoons when they have nothing to do. I do not like the fact that my kids are often complaining about boredom. They are used to being so busy in school! Any advice?

-Predicting a Headache

A:Dear Predicting, My advice to you is the same advice I tell every teacher I work with: be proactive.

So often, we are reactive. We respond to situations. We come up with solutions. That is more taxing than being proactive in the first place!

You know your children will, at times, be bored. This is predictable for your children. So now figure out what you can do to prevent that boredom.

For before Pesach:

Have your children sit down and make up a schedule. Remind them to put in davening. Make sure they have options to put in their schedule. Are other children around? Can you arrange a playdate? Other children are also bored! Maybe the kids can play at your house part of the time and at the friend’s house part of the time. (The other mother might not be open to having friends over so close to Pesach, so have them at your house. It is worth the built-in entertainment!)

Have supplies available and know where you are letting them use those supplies. Girls need coloring supplies and space. Boys might need building areas. Let them tell you what they need, within your limits.

Playing school is fun and familiar. Set up the turn-taking procedures – who gets to be morah or rebbe first? Does everyone have to stay in the game the whole time? Many children quit when it is not their turn anymore. What do they get if they all treat each other well? Don’t expect them to figure out how to be fair on their own. Print out coloring sheets, fun sheets…

Have the older children (even children as young as 3rd or 4th grade could) plan a pre-Pesach day camp for your younger ones. It is even more fun to have a neighbor or two. (Makes it more official.) Don’t let the camp last more than a few hours; running a camp is hard work. Make sure they allow free play and have books prepared for read alouds. Be sure to provide your campers and staff with snacks. Have chometz lunches (sent by parents) eaten outside. Build in clean-up time. Remind your children that little kids know a lot of Pesach songs that they can sing. Have music for them to dance and freeze-dance to.

Plan for Pesach:

Can your children be encouraged to rest erev Pesach? On the first day of Pesach before the next late night? The promise of a chocolate snack or chocolate bar is usually enough to have children stay in bed for a while. Make sure your expectations are clear. You should not retroactively decide who deserves a treat and who doesn’t based on length spent in bed if you didn’t make it clear beforehand.

Can you buy or borrow books that your kids have not yet read?

Can you buy or borrow (or trade) a few games that are new to your children that would engage them for a few hours?

Are there albums (remember those?) that you can take out for Pesach and tell the stories each picture alludes to? Children not only love the backstory, they enjoy that it is YOUR backstory. Even if they have heard the stories before, they are usually interested in hearing them again.

Remember, food is crucial. Hungry children are irritated children. Make sure to have mini meals planned around all the late and big meals that we eat. Have snacks.

Remember, food is important, it actually helps boredom! People snack as one way to keep busy. Have vegetables and melon cut up and available. Put out toothpicks to make eating the fruits and veggies more fun.

Try to arrange some playdates. Encourage your older children to make plans. The sedarim make people tired, but late afternoon is a good time to be with friends. (Try to be around if you are hosting your child and a friend. Children who are off schedule are often dysregulated, and tempers can flare.)

I know you will be tired as well. Remember to have age-appropriate expectations. Being upset that children don’t give you time to rest might be expecting more than they can deliver, leading you to get upset. Asking for help from children who are not going to sleep at their regular bedtime might be asking for too much.

Being proactive and clear with your expectations works in the classroom. It can work for you, too!

A meme going around quips, “They will remember our mood more than they will remember your food.” I think I would add, “They will remember our mood more than they will remember anything else.” My friend Anita shared a great line with me, “Be present where your feet are.”

Have a wonderful Pesach and Pesach break. Enjoy how much your children know and try to listen when they share. They want to be seen and heard, especially during this busy time.

Chag kasher v’sameach, - Etti

Our ancestors left Mitzrayim in such a hurry that the dough had to bake on their backs. There are many questions asked and divrei Torah written, but for this article we can suffice with remembering that it was a humble bread. In fact, matzah is called lechem oni (“bread of the poor”) because of its simplicity. Today, many note the irony of the current price point for a poor man’s bread but, despite that, it’s still made from the same, simple ingredients of generations past.

That first Pesach Seder featured a lamb that had been tied to a bedpost for four days. A few of my little ones have gotten hopeful we’d permit them to sleep with a baby sheep beside them; sadly, we’ve never agreed. Other foods may have been served, but it’s clear that the main event was simply a roasted sheep.

Housing was simple in Egypt (no indoor plumbing) but was followed by dwelling in the ananei hakavod (“Clouds of Glory”). Our houses are far larger and more sophisticated than our humble Egyptian abodes, but they can’t beat the clouds.