Parenting Pearls Simply Pesach

By Sara Rayvych, MSEd

Today, we still eat matzah made the traditional way, while hoping for the return of the Beis Hamikdash and Korban Pesach. Along with our matzah, we serve four course meals, each containing multiple dishes. We spend hours preparing menus, shopping, and, finally, cooking.

Days and weeks are spent preparing our homes. The poor nooks and crannies never knew what hit them. Our main floor alone likely contains more square footage (amos?) than their ancient Egyptian counterparts. What may have been a simple task centuries ago has become far more complex.

Appliances have taken kashering to a new level. What was formerly simple metal and wooden utensils has morphed into complex electronics that disintegrate if you look at them wrongly.

Despite these increased challenges, Pesach doesn’t need to be the feared event many view it as. Pesach has become a truly misunderstood yom tov. I’ve heard of the lengths people go “for Pesach” – none of which is halachically mandated. They spend hundreds they can’t spare, on cleaning help they don’t need, to have someone do unnecessary tasks. It’s not just insanity, it’s truly sad.

Simplifying Pesach down to a more basic level may ultimately enhance the yom tov for all of us. Simpler menus, easier recipes, and halacha-only based preparations can remove some of the tears and dread.

Shalom Among the Family

It’s wonderful spending Pesach with family, and it’s time that families treasure together. This increased togetherness can also lead to greater tension. It can be helpful to address potential concerns in advance and create boundaries, as needed. Each family has their own unique dynamic, but I’d like to briefly mention a few potential areas of strife.

The host family puts a lot of effort into preparing meals and housing for a larger than usual crowd. Everyone can assist with serving and clean-up. When meal assignments are set up before yom tov – preferably on paper – meals run smoother as everyone knows their jobs. It also prevents the inevitable resentment when one person is doing most of the work while others don’t do their fair share.

It’s generally understood that families like to relax on yom tov, and adults enjoy a good nap. It’s best when appropriate arrangements are clarified in advance over who will be watching the kids at different times. Too often, one parent rests daily while the other is on constant baby duty. Alternatively, the babysitting falls on to the shoulders of a teen, an unmarried young woman, or someone else who feels unduly burdened with a responsibility that isn’t theirs.

With a little prior planning, the kids can be supervised, and everyone can have some time for menuchas yom tov. There are many options, and what works best depends on your family’s needs. Ideas include mom and dad taking shifts, parents from each family unit taking turns watching all the families’ kids (hectic during your shift but you’re on-call less frequently), or hiring (ask your rav for relevant halachos) a teen or young adult in the family to help. If your unmarried sibling (or child) helps out a lot over yom tov without charge, please get them a gift anyway. It doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive, but appreciation goes a long way towards avoiding resentment. I stress this point because I’ve heard many singles and couples without children complain they get everything dumped on them.

In general, “please,” “thank you,” and generous compliments can go a long way. Just showing mutual respect and understanding is usually appreciated, as is compromise and open but gentle communication.

We need to maintain shalom within ourselves. There’s a lot to do and too few hours to do everything. We tend to go into yom tov with high expectations that often are impossible to meet. Let’s be gentle on ourselves throughout this time period.

Pesach Travelers

There are many who travel for yom tov, similar to our ancestors who left for the first Pesach. While many will be leaving for fancy destinations such as their in-laws, others will pursue more humble locations such as Orlando, Cancun, and Greece.

Personally, I’ve found it helpful to pack for little ones based on the day, not individually for each child. I group the clothing according to each time I’ll be dressing them and not a separate bag per little one. When it’s time to dress, I just pull out the appropriate bag and everyone’s clothing – along with socks and other relevant items – are all together. I’ve found packing cubes are good for this but large Ziplock or similar bags

You may want to keep this item nearby throughout yom tov as young children can periodically need something to soothe them when they’re ready for a meltdown.

Babies and young children, in particular, can be nervous around crowds and people they don’t know. It can be beneficial to hold your child or stay near them as they acclimate to their new lo - hurt feelings if you let family know beforehand that your little one may need some time to adjust before you hand them over. As always, know where your children are and who they’re with. Basic safety never goes on vacation. will do the job just as well (removing the air will help with saving space). It can be helpful to have something familiar and calming for young children who are away from their homes and familiar surroundings. It may be a beloved toy or blanket. It can even be a soothing activity or simple card game. Having something quick and easy to calm, redirect, and refocus a child can help ease them into a new situation. cation. Be prepared for some clinginess or tears.

We all have trouble feeling our best when we’re off-schedule; children are no exception. Preparing for the eventual “off” behaviors and accepting that a child may have trouble behaving appropriately with the yom tov schedule eases some of the expectations we adults have and prevents some of the inevitable frustrations when we see that temper tantrum coming.

Relatives will naturally want to hold the baby or hug their adorable, young cousin. It doesn’t matter how close you feel to that family member – if your child doesn’t know them, then your child won’t feel safe with them right away. Watch your child for cues to see when they’re ready to go and meet their excited relatives. It can help prevent

Pesach is truly a unique yom tov and creates lifelong memories. Shared with family and friends, the time period takes on new meaning. Let’s go into Pesach with whatever calm, simplicity, and emotional preparedness we can.

Wishing you a chag kasher v’sameach.

Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at Rayvych Homeschool@gmail.com.