Dear Teen Talk,

I am going to sleepaway camp this year and am very excited. I went last year and had a great time. My problem is that I am going with some new friends this year. I went last year with some school friends and made some camp friends. This year, more of my school friends are going. I’m nervous it is going to change the dynamic and worried about how I am going to include everyone and not feel torn by my friendships.

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Also, one of my friends who I am close to is starting to listen to different music and watch different things that I’m not completely comfortable with. While we’re in school, it doesn’t affect me too much, but now I’m going to camp with her and we’ll be in the same bunk probably. I’m nervous that she’s going to be talking about singers and music and shows all day and I won’t be able to get away from it. I don’t want to feel dragged by what she watches and listens to. She’s a really good friend and I don’t want to lose her because of this.

Do you have any ideas of what I can do?

Thank you so much for writing in.

The first thing I want to tell you is that the situation you are describing is one that comes up a lot in life. You are not the only one going to camp this summer with this fear, and you are not the only one who ever has. The good thing about knowing this is that it tells you that you are facing a situation other people have dealt with before, and baruch Hashem, they figured it out. So now let’s answer, “but how?”

Let’s begin with the first part of your question. It sounds like you had an amazing time in camp last year, and because of that, you are very much looking forward to it. You went with amazing friends and figured out the perfect dynamic to balance all of them. Basically, it couldn’t have been better.

When you signed up for camp this summer, you were probably thinking that you were signing up to have the same great time that you did last year. There was no reason for you to think that it would be any different. With that being said, I completely understand why this is not only a tricky situation but a frustrating one as well. Having expectations, or an idea in your mind of how something is going to be or how it should be, makes it much more difficult to adjust when it doesn’t go as expected.

This year, you are going to camp with different girls, and even if some are the same from last year, it still can feel like everything has changed. The issue that you mention of having to balance different friend groups is a difficult one. Of course, you want to spend time with everyone, maybe even make new friends, but the idea of having time for all of them can sound overwhelming. It may be uncomfortable to figure out the balance between your different friend groups.

The truth is, there is no perfect answer to this situation. There is no perfect fix, like making some schedule of when you’ll spend time with each group. Sometimes you might be with one group and a girl from another group passes by. Are you going to ignore her just because you’re currently spending time with your other friends?

These are the questions you have to ask yourself.

You are always going to have friends who are not necessarily friends with each other, and that’s normal! It may be uncomfortable at times when you are trying to navigate the different dynamics, but it’s the attitude and mindset that you build for yourself that will make the difference.

Back to the question I asked before. You can totally ignore this other friend when she walks by. It might feel weird for you to invite her over or even say hi. I get it. However, it doesn’t have to be like that. By waving to her with them. So as much as you worry about how to manage balancing all of these different groups, a good friend will understand.

A lot of times when we worry about something, it’s because we want to be prepared for the worst case scenario. However, in this situation, the only preparation that you can do is choose to make the best of the situation. If these friendships are important to you, you will end up making time for all of them. I am honestly not worried about that at all! And in the moments when you feel torn between groups, you have the option of trying to include everyone, even if it is uncomfortable in the beginning. It will mean a lot to all of your friends that you are putting in feel like you have to avoid them because of how they act or what they expose you to. or calling her over, you will make her feel good, even when you are not actually spending time with her. If you choose to ignore her, she may end up questioning whether you are actually friends, and that’s where it really gets tricky.

However, it is also important that you stand by what’s important to you. If someone is doing something that you are not comfortable with, it’s your choice whether or not you stick to the values that you have set for yourself. You are in a situation where someone who is close to you may expose you to things you have worked hard to stay away from. The fact that she is one of your close friends does not change anything. Yes, you don’t want to hurt her feelings by asking her to not talk about these things around you, but there is a way to go about it in a respectful manner. You can say that this is just something that you’re not comfortable talking about without making it sound like it has anything to do with her, because it doesn’t.

You know for yourself that you don’t expect to be with your friends one hundred percent of the time. You know that your friends have other friends and that does not take away from the friendship you have the effort. But sometimes, it may be right to say to them in a respectful way, “I’m with so and so right now, but I would love to hang out with you tomorrow.” The fact that you acknowledge them will make them feel good even if you don’t have time for them at the moment.

Now, for the second question. I definitely hear how this is a delicate situation. You never want to feel like someone who you are close to is a bad influence. You never want to

In a healthy relationship, each person will be respectful of the boundaries the other has set. If she is your good friend, then she will understand that this is just something you are not comfortable with, and it has nothing to do with her. Yes, it might be hard for her to hear in the moment, but I think, ultimately, she will understand. She would want the same from you if the situation was reversed.

With all that being said, these are definitely not the most fun situations to navigate. However, if you maintain a positive mindset, apply the effort, and stay true to your values, I can guarantee you will see the difference it will make.

Hatzlacha, and I hope you have an amazing summer!