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Hail to the Commies by Marc A. Thiessen
Political Crossfire Hail to the Commies!
By Marc A. Thiessen
After 18 months of careful and deliberate study, Washington’s National Football League team finally unveiled its new name: The Washington Commanders. “No more ‘get a name’ jokes,” the team’s official Twitter account boasted.
Fine. Then let the nickname jokes begin!
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known by fans as the “Bucs.” The New England Patriots are the “Pats.” The Minnesota Vikings are the “Vikes.” And the San Francisco 49ers are “Niners.” So, what will the Washington Commanders be known as?
As die-hard Washington fans, displeased with the new name, immediately pointed out, the Commanders’ obvious nickname is…the “Commies.”
In a way, the name is perfect. At a time when President Joe Biden and congressional Democrats are seeking to insert the heavy hand of government into every aspect of our lives from cradle to grave with multi-trillion-dollar socialist spending plans, there could be no better nickname for Washington’s football team than the “Commies.” Hey, the team’s colors even match the Soviet and Chinese Communist flags.
Disgruntled fans had a field day on social media. One tweeted: “Nothing symbolized the commies better than a dilapidated stadium, bad leadership, and the best years of the franchise left back in the ‘80s.” Others created their own logos featuring the hammer and sickle and the Bernie Sanders mittens meme. Still others adapted the team’s old fight song: “Hail to the Commies! Hail CCCP! Comrades on the Warpath! Fight for old D.C.!”
How could the marketing geniuses behind the name change mess this up so badly? According to The mets, and uniforms were designed for each finalist and “tested in every way imaginable: how they would appear on a TV screen crawl, in a lineup with other NFL logos, or in a social media avatar.”
And yet, in nearly two years of the marketing meetings and focus groups, apparently no one ever raised a hand and said: “Hey, if we pick ‘Commanders,’ won’t people call us the ‘Commies’?”
The team had better get used to
Washington Post, 40,000 fan submissions “and ‘thousands’ of others sent in by snail mail” were whittled down to 1,200 potential names. Then a “group of executives from the team’s marketing, legal and fan experience departments, worked with the digital creative company Code & Theory as well as designers from Nike and the NFL to narrow the list to three finalists.” Each “was put through an extensive vetting process.” Logos, helCommies. The nickname is not going away. Even if D.C. does not embrace it, crowds in opposing stadiums will. The same NFL fans who regularly chant “Let’s go, Brandon!” will not hesitate to greet the visiting Commanders with chants of “Commies stink!” And if they do (they were 7-100 this season), it would not be at all surprising to see hometown fans join in on the chants as well.
So perhaps the team should just embrace the nickname. The possibilities are endless. Daire Carragher of 247 Sports suggested on Twitter that if “the Washington Commies [do] get a really good defensive line…we can call them the Iron Curtain.” The city’s Major League Baseball franchise, the Washington Nationals (a.k.a. the “Nats”) have the “Racing Presidents” featuring mascots of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt. Perhaps the Commies can have the “racing dictators” featuring Mao Zedong, Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, and Fidel Castro racing during halftime. (As an added twist, they could be chased by Joe McCarthy.)
Of course, there will be challenges. When New England comes to town, and the “Patriots” face the “Commies,” whom are freedom-loving D.C. residents supposed root for? It’s a problem. On the other hand, Communism is enjoying a bit of a moment in the sports world today. After all, the Chinese Communist Party is hosting the Winter Olympics. What’s wrong with a little socialist realism on the Potomac?
So, get used to your new nickname, comrade Commanders.
Hail to the Commies!
