Seeing Things Anew by Dr. Deb Hirschhorn

Dr. Deb

Rosh Hashana: Seeing Things Anew

By Deb Hirschhorn, Ph.D.

Iwas really trying. It was an effort just to sit up, let alone type. But I had to fight my way back to normal or I would just be wasting time, here. And I can’t do that; it’s not in me.

And then it started.

Again.

That to-be-refrained-terminology of a car horn alarm across the way started again. For the third time. Ugh.

“Stop it!” I shouted my loudest in my quiet room with no one else here to hear me.

“What is wrong with those people?” I thought. “Why can’t they fix that thing?”

And then I had that pause. The pause I am so recommending to you right now as we go into the deep reflection of Rosh Hashana.

I was, after all, at my desk. My desk! Not a hospital room.

My neighbor’s brother got Covid when I did and he ended up in a hospital room not able to breathe. Younger than me, too.

I looked around.

I had my water dutifully next to me and the pictures of my grandchildren ringing about my computer. And I was complaining? About noise? In a hospital room, there are other unwelcome noises. Which ones did I want?

Not only that, I was getting stronger every day in spite of the extra infection I might also have. I could feel it. That lightheaded feeling that made me always retreat back to bed was gone. Hashem Yisborach was healing me bit by bit, and I had the privilege of doing it in the comfort of my own home. What was I complaining for?

Eventually, the alarm stopped.

And I apologized to the One Above for getting it wrong.

Pretty much a similar kind of thing happened yesterday. I was on the way to the lab. It was my first day out after the quarantine and I drove down my familiar street - -that wasn’t so familiar after all. “How green it all is!” I had wondered. “How very beautiful those flowers are!”

I took in all the colors with great joy as if I hadn’t seen them before. I mean, I always appreciated a pretty garden. But it was always kind of a backdrop to my life, my busy life that was full of things to do.

Like the numerous times that I didn’t want to take a walk around my block because it was the same old boring block. Forget about the flowers there – I could just look out my window to see flowers!

But that changed as I drove down the street yesterday.

Yes, of course, we have things to accomplish here. Sure. And we do have to do the work; can’t be lazy! But what did G-d create beauty for? (Yes, I know there are those who say it’s just a distraction from our jobs. I no longer see it that way.) I think we also have to be b’simcha just because we are. And we’re allowed to actually enjoy doing “nothing” but appreciate the beauty that He created for us.

Not only allowed us to appreciate it – maybe required the appreciation.

After all, I don’t know if I will accomplish the task that I thought I was set here to carry out. Only He knows if I will. But in the meantime, while doing all that trying, doesn’t it make sense to just be happy being? Like really happy? Like seeing the flowers for the first time as a Martian might? Those are the eyes I brought to the flowers yesterday.

If you’ll excuse me for a few minutes, I’m going to go take a walk around the block right now.

It wasn’t a few minutes; it was an hour. That’s because I walked very slowly. And I stopped to chat with two people I know. So what were my discoveries? *I always overdo things. Probably should have just walked to the corner and back; it was very, very hot. *The green-ness was amazing. *I could actually stand up without feeling lightheaded. *I felt good I gave my ticker a workout after two weeks of sickness. *For some reason, I didn’t think of my to-do list while I was out, even forgot I was in the middle of this article. That’s good: be where you are and into what you’re doing.

So what do I wish for you as we go into the Yomim Noraim?

To be able to switch your focus to the good in your life in spite of the bad:

That you are as healthy as you are and to notice everything about that that is wonderful – how you can breathe; how you can eat; how you have a good reason to say asher yatzar; that your hands work; that your brain works; you can appreciate colors.

That you have healthy children

even if they can be troublesome, because if they are alive and well, there’s always chances for repair.

That you are not sitting on a cardboard box somewhere under a bridge no matter how bad your economics or your emotions get.

That you can sing, even if it is off-key like me.

That you can laugh when someone surprises you with a funny joke.

That you have a shul whose Rabbi and Rebbetzin care about you, and if you don’t, look for them be-

cause that is often critical to just getting through.

That you’re Jewish even if it sometimes feels hard.

That you do have friends, and if you don’t, then begin by seeing who you can help; that is a sure way to get the ball rolling. (On that subject, I will tell you a brief story that I’ll never forget. Many years ago, standing in the shul lobby after services in Florida, a total stranger said, “Hi. I’m Ellen and I’m new here!” Whaaa? Who does that? Today, Ellen, who lives in California now, is still my friend.)

That there’s clothing, makeup and whatever to make us look our best.

And finally, if there’s some item on this list that makes you go, “Yeah, sure, that’s not going to work for me!” then don’t be like my heilige parents who zeroed on the report card of mostly A’s, annoyed at the one B. Take joy in everything else. That’s the whole point.

I mean, I always appreciated a pretty garden. But it was always kind of a backdrop to my life.

Dr. Deb Hirschhorn is a Marriage and Family Therapist. If you want help with your marriage, begin by signing up to watch her Masterclass at https://drdeb. com/myw-masterclass.