16 minute read
Hidden Sparks of Light by Sara Lieberman
Hidden Sparks of Light
BY SARA LIEBERMAN
Like the hidden jug of oil the Maccabim found to light the Menorah thousands of years ago, here are three people from around the world who quietly light up the night with their initiatives and kindness.
A SCHOOL WITH A SOUL
Chanie Siegel from Lakewood, NJ
It was summertime, and my daughter was having a blast in camp. She had left all her worries from a difficult school year behind. Meanwhile, I was back at home in distress, knowing it was unlikely she’d have a school to return to in the fall. We were lucky to have found a hidden gem, Yotzer Ohr Miami, founded by Mrs. Neitza Benbenishti, for our daughter, and we loved it. It was a breath of fresh air, a place that truly uplifted their students. They didn’t have a dorm at the time and boarding wasn’t ideal for my daughter for a number of reasons. It looked like we were back to square one for a school for her, with no viable option.
One thing I knew was that we wanted her to stay in our hometown. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that she didn’t have a place to go to! So all summer, while I davened, made phone calls, researched and came up empty-handed, I said very little to my daughter. I mentioned vaguely that we were trying to find a way for her attend school locally. I didn’t want to totally shock her at summer’s end, so I didn’t let her know the extent of the situation. In reality, she had absolutely no school to attend come fall.
In the meantime, I knew about 15 more girls who also needed schools. Our town is blessed with many wonderful schools where girls thrive, but there was no school suitable for these 15 girls. Desperate parents bombarded Neitza with calls until she finally called me and said, “I started a school in Miami for my own daughter when she had no place to go. Why don’t you do the same? I’ll guide you.” My husband and I had spent time the past year speaking to Nietzah, sharing ideas and hashkafos, and she felt we could do this. So with the help of Mrs. Benbenishti and another very dedicated parent, we founded Yotzer Ohr Lakewood. The other mother even singlehandedly took over while we waited for approval from our rav. Once we got the go-ahead, we were fully invested. Never in a million years did I dream of opening a school. Three years ago, I was a stay-at-home mom, loving every minute of it. I loved taking care of my house, being available for my kids, and being in the background. I didn’t seek the spotlight. I never imagined starting a project of such magnitude, but the system was not working for my daughter and I had no choice but to try. The fact that it was the only option led me to a place of emunah and bitachon – we had to open a school. It was a bracha that the path was open before us; we had no room for doubts. It was clear to us that Hashem wanted this school to exist. My daughter
and her friends needed this school, and there was only one way forward. They were good, growing girls who didn’t fit into the typical system, girls who were slipping between the cracks and had nowhere to go.
If you look at the Jewish world, there are colorful people and different ways of serving Hashem and being a good Jew. Our community, at the time, didn’t offer a wide range of schools. Since we moved to Lakewood, my husband kept saying, “I want to open a school, I wish I could open a school. There has to be a place for everyone.” So when Hashem put us in this situation, it just clicked.
With Nietzah guiding us, Yotzer Ohr Lakewood opened up with hopes and prayers. The school stood up and ran with its own momentum; it became a living reality. Hashem guided us towards the right people. We found teachers who understood instantly what we were trying to achieve. They put their heart and soul into teaching our girls. The girls responded in kind and connected with the learning. They took initiative to ask questions – to reach out. Girls who previously felt misunderstood and alone slowly began to blossom and grow into the beautiful young women they were meant to be. Our friends and neighbors gave us their support, financially and otherwise, when we needed it most. The name Yotzer Ohr encapsulates our school. We see the light and shining potential in every girl, and we focus on that spark. We have a warm, welcoming atmosphere in our school.
We started our first year with six girls, which grew to 12 that year and then 14, and we have 16 girls now. We have graduated two 12th grade classes so far and are arranging seminary interviews for our current seniors. So far, we have seen tremendous siyata dishmaya and success. When a school isn’t the right fit, it can, chas v’shalom, become harmful for a girl to remain there. The pain of not belonging grows every day. Our girls deserve to feel wanted, to thrive, to feel safe and happy at school and to graduate with a diploma and acquire a solid education. Our mission is to meet that need and provide a healthy, nurturing environment where each girl can grow at her own pace and internalize Torah values. With Hashem’s help, we were able to create just that.
LEA S. IS A GRADUATE OF YOTZER OHR. SHE SHARES:
“What made Yotzer Ohr special to me was the kind of growth I experienced there. True growth comes from within, when YOU decide you want more, not from pressure or force. While growth in that manner may seem slow and lacking in progress, those tiny drops in the bucket are the ones that end up staying with you in the long-run. Yotzer Ohr provided the freedom to choose the right choices on my own, to own my decisions, and feel like a genuine person.
“For example, we were encouraged to daven every day, but no one forced you to say anything you didn’t want to, when I decided
to take on more tefillah, it felt real and connected and I was able to
be consistent about it even outside school because it was my choice.
“The same with tznius. They never criticized our dress outside school, so when I decided to take on more, it was my own choice.”
EXPANDING THEIR FAMILY
Laura Greer from Baltimore
Iglanced at the mitzvah note board and smiled. “Chani picked up delicious Chanukah doughnuts for the fam! Thank you, hon!” the curly handwriting read. I stifled a chuckle, grabbed my lunch, and headed out to my office.
It really was fun and interesting living with boarders. This mitzvah note initiative changed the spirit in the house. We all went out of our way to acknowledge each other. At this point, we had three girls living downstairs who were attending the local frum college near us, Maalot. They were a lively and friendly bunch who brightened our lives. One of them, Shira, started posting “mitzvah notes” on the corkboard by the kitchen, and we all joined in. It all started about 19 years ago when I had a crew of little ones, and my husband was frequently out of town on business trips.
An acquaintance called me, “There’s this girl from out of town who’s attending Maalot this year, and she needs a place. Are you interested in having a boarder?”
At the time, I thought of it as company when my husband was out on business trips, extra help in the house so I could run to the grocery store without bringing five kids along. It turned out wonderfully. She was a great role model and had great energy. I saw that it was good for our family.
One thing led to another. Other people heard about us, and we got phone calls about other girls who were looking to board. We feel like these opportunities to get to know these amazing young women was sent to us from Hashem. It enriched us to host these wonderful girls and be a part of their lives.
When we first consider a potential boarder, we meet to see if it’s a good fit both ways. “If you come here, know that we want you to be a part of our family. You don’t need to feel like you have to stay in your room all the time. Feel free to come out and join us!”
Invariably, they do become part of the family and each person adds so much.
Hosting boarders helped us stretch and grow. We met girls from varied backgrounds and different levels of religious observance, and it helped us appreciate a wider range of challenges. We all learned more about getting along with people, having to make compromises and go out of our comfort zone. There was a time when my own children may have resented time and attention spent on boarders. We had to work hard on that. It’s really like having any other family member. Everyone has different moods, needs, likes, dislikes, styles of eating and food preferences. You have to learn how to communicate and figure it out with each person.
We also had to choose what to focus on if any conflict came up. For example, we had a shopping list hanging on the refrigerator and anyone could add whatever food they wanted me to buy. One of our boarders had very discerning tastes, and she would specify brands of foods she wanted. I’m naturally a bargain shopper, and I usually delight in buying discounted and off-brand items. I struggled with myself. Is this worth a conversation and negotiation? I considered that these were her needs just like any other child in the family.
The girls enriched my life spiritually as well. I sometimes struggle with davening with kavana. When we had three boarders, and occasionally also their friends, almost every room I walked into, a girl was davening there. It was inspiring to me and had a direct effect on uplifting my own prayers. Everything you add to a home makes an impression, and these growing young women really affected the atmosphere positively. I love having a Shabbos table full of my children, guests, boarders, and their friends. They became like daughters to us.
Many of the girls dated from our house and came back with doubts, questions, and even tears. We sat up late discussing their concerns and offering them emotional support. Most of these girls were from out-of-town, and they needed extra support. Baruch Hashem, all of them got engaged, and we happily danced at their weddings. It even became a joke amongst their friends that living by the Greers was a segula to get engaged.
One time, we had two boarders living downstairs and I got a call asking to host another girl. “We are full, I’m sorry,” I replied. Later that evening, my husband and I were talking it over in the basement. “I guess we can technically make a third bedroom down here with a curtain,” he said, gesturing to the expansive space in the basement. But three girls sharing a bathroom? Maybe it’s too much. I wavered. In the end, we decided to try it out. All the girls became close, and it was even better than having two because everyone was in it together. There was giving, compromising, chessed, and respecting each other’s space.
When having boarders, you need to trust in the process. There is a risk that it won’t work out, but also there’s a chance that it might be incredible and life-altering in the most positive, spiritual and miraculous way. It requires a leap of faith. When we tested the waters and decided to go for it, it was wonderful, incredible and we gained tremendously. In estimate, we had between 10-12 boarders. Our first boarder is now the mother of many children! We keep in touch with most of them and have even traveled around the world to be part of their simchas or to spend a Shabbos. We have visited our boarders in Toronto, Denver, Silver Spring, New Jersey, Monsey, Palm Springs, California, Virginia, Israel, and Seattle. We feel like we have family everywhere. It expanded our world. In addition to our own children and grandchildren, we now have surrogate kids all over the world. We’ve expanded the circle of people we keep in touch with and our sense of being part of klal Yisroel. They are all part of our family, and it brings to light the fact that we really are all family.
If one of my children was in a different city and there was another family that took them in, loved them, helped them and cared for them that would be so meaningful to me! That’s what klal Yisroel is about; even when we meet as strangers initially, we take care of each other and are family with each other.
DEVORA M., WHOSE FRIEND BOARDED AT THE GREERS, RECALLED:
“My entire body breathed a sigh of relief as I walked into the
Greers’ home. My friends lived there, and I came by a lot for Shabbos meals or just to hang out. I was going through a really hard time. My parents had recently divorced, and I was struggling with intense feelings of grief and depression.
“When I came to the Greers, their welcoming, cozy house with its warm earth colors embraced me. I felt like I could breathe, be myself and not be judged.
“They are such humble unassuming people who care about others. They brought out the best in me, even though most days I felt like a broken human held together by scotch tape. I’m grateful to the Greers for giving me a place where I felt accepted and appreciated and a chilled place to relax when my own home was
disintegrating.
“Years later, they surprised me at my wedding. It was outof-town in the dead of winter, and not many people were able to come, but they showed up and joined in my simcha with great joy.”
MEALS THAT CARE
Chananya* from Beit Shemesh
Ichecked my phone and sighed with relief as the rows of days almost filled up. Meal trains could be fast or slow, and this erev Rosh Hashana we needed to speed things up. Bing! A message popped on my WhatsApp. “We are arranging catering with Delux Delights for the last meal.” I grabbed my keys and hopped into my car, hurriedly jabbing addresses into Waze. A few of my volunteers didn’t have cars, so I was picking up and dropping off meals for the Sanders* family. Covid was a busy season of meal planning, and there was a recent wave that coincided with Rosh Hashana and Sukkos, leaving many families scrambling for help and meals. I reached out to my team of volunteers on WhatsApp, and baruch Hashem, with the help of these wonderful people, we were able to provide many families with warm homemade meals for chag. We help people with disabilities, medical needs, new mothers, new olim, and whoever needs extra support through meals.
Growing up in a home overflowing with chessed influenced me tremendously. My parents gave rides and cooked for extended family who require it, and both work in life-saving medical professions. In the small kollel community where I grew up, there was a strong feeling of belonging, mutual caring and responsibility for each other.
When I moved to Beit Shemesh, a neighbor sent me the links to local chessed WhatsApp groups. It was easy to get involved because I had some extra
time. After I organized a few meal trains, people contacted me for emergency situations, like families entering Shabbos with an empty fridge. When faced with these situations, I get this extra burst of urgency, alert the volunteer groups, and together we manage to arrange last-minute Shabbosim. I send WhatsApp messages, updates, and a bit of encouragement, and baruch Hashem, time and again, we accomplish what previously seemed impossible.
It’s been about four months since I began organizing meal trains, and it became a niche because there is a real need for it in our community. Frequently, waves of new olim come to Beit Shemesh. Most Israeli apartments come without appliances, and the shipment container with all their belonging from overseas takes about 6-8 weeks to arrive. Getting set up in a new country often without family and friends is very daunting. Our olim are so touched and encouraged by the caring and meals we send that it sweetens the challenges of settling in.
Generally, I’m involved in behind-the-scenes coordination but occasionally get more involved if the situation is complex, like an extended sickness in the family. When many people shoulder the responsibility together, we can accomplish great feats easily. But when we have insufficient volunteers, the challenge of meeting the families’ needs is intensified.
Chessed can be a bit of a balancing act with the needs of my family. For example, many people in my area don’t have a car, so when I see people signaling for rides, I typically stop and offer rides. At one point, my children expressed their hesitation about it, and I heard them out. At first, I considered it a teaching moment but began to appreciate that chessed starts at home. There is a time to focus on the needs of our loved ones, and there is a time to extend a helping hand to others. In time, they will learn generosity and caring along the way. One of the many benefits I gained was discovering a sub-community of special, warm people who genuinely care for others. Often, it’s the same volunteers who make meals and reach out, but they still consist of a percentage of the efforts.
Some have more resources, have been in a similar position, and most feel a strong sense of communal responsibility. Kol
Yisroel areivim zeh la’zeh.
We have received feedback from those directly involved in occasional “emergency drives” that the families were just blown away with this show of support from the community. Warm meals and warm hearts are so meaningful to our recipients.
At times, if I post a message that no one responded or we are still short a few meals, I am usually inundated with an outpouring of replies. People realize it’s up to them to step up and make a difference, and I am repeatedly touched and inspired when we all unite to provide a family with meals.
*This person is using a pseudonym
