Centerfold

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TJH Centerfold

10 Signs That You are Stuck in Yom Tov Mode

On your fi rst day back in the o ce, you spend 45 minutes on Instacart checking if they deliver Aravos.

You still dip your tuna sandwiches in honey.  You wake up on Tuesday mornTuesday morning and instead of ing and instead of making a co ee, you instinctively make gefi lte fi sh.

You see a Lubavitch teenager putting tefi llin on someone in Manhattan and you say to yourself, “Hmm…I guess Chabad puts tefi llin on

Chol Hamoed.”

Your kids ask why you’re not going to American Dream Mall on Motzei Shabbos at 3AM for the girls-only swim session.  When your boss calls and asks why you haven’t responded to his emails for a month, you tell him, “Oh, I don’t work on Chol Hamoed!”

You check in on your neighbors because you don’t hear them singing at 1:30AM.

After eating chicken, pasta, and potatoes for dinner, you exclaim: “Hmm, I can’t wait for the main course!”

You check if it’s raining outside every time you are about to sit every time you are about to sit down for a meal.  You want to start your diet, but it makes no sense to start a diet on the 19th day of Sukkos.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me!

Yankel and Shmerel are walking when suddenly it begins to rain. “Quick,” says Yankel, “open your umbrella.” “It won’t help,” says Shmerel. “My umbrella is full of holes.” “Then why did you bring it?” asks Yankel. Shmerel replies, “I didn’t think it would rain!”

Christopher Columbus Trivia

1. Anthropologist Carol Lowery

Delaney, who served as the assistant director of the Center for the Study of World Religions at Harvard, wrote a book about

Columbus in which she posits which of the following? a. He wanted to start a retirement community about 100 miles o the southeast tip of the U.S. b. He wanted to take a voyage to

Israel to rescue Jerusalem from the Muslims c. He wanted to open a pasta bar d. He wanted to walk across the entire landmass of the New

World

2. How many men sailed with

Columbus on the voyage in which he discovered the New

World? a. 12 b. 40 c. 90 d. 240

3. Where was

Christopher

Columbus born? a. Italy b. Spain c. France d. Amsterdam

4. How many times did Columbus travel to the New World? a. 1 b. 4 c. 5 d. 7

5. How many cities in the U.S. are named Columbus? a. 3 b. 7 c. 14 d. 27

6. How old was Christopher

Columbus when he died? a. 38 b. 55 c. 72 d. 87

7. When Columbus 7. found land, after 35 days found land, after 35 days at sea, what did he think at sea, what did he think the landmass was? the landmass was? a. Asia a. Asia b. Russiab. Russia c. Australia d. Israel 8. Near the end of his life,

Columbus wrote a book called

Book of Privileges. What was the book about? a. Documenting all the promises the Spanish monarch made to him over the years and the ways they did not honor these promises b. The joys of his travels c. How to live with gratitude d. Stories about the times cannibals tried eating him and he escaped

Answers: 1-B 2-C 3-A 4-B 5-C 6-B 7-A 8-A

Wisdom Key: 6-8 correct: Congratulazioni! Treat yourself to an Italian ices! 3-5 correct: Not bad – you know enough about Columbus to take o on Monday. 0-2 correct: Let’s try this: When did Columbus fi rst set sail to the New World? I’ll spot you the century: 14..?

Riddle Me This

What jumps higher than a building?

Everything – buildings don’t jump. Answer to Riddle: