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OCTOBER 29, 2020 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Trump’s & Biden’s First 10 Days
A satirical perspective on what each one would do on his first day in office BY NATE DAVIS
TRUMP
BIDEN
DAY 1: Fire Dr. Fauci for being against masks before being for masks even
DAY 1: Spend the day exploring the White House basement…where he will
though he himself doesn’t wear a mask when he thinks nobody is looking.
be spending the next four years, if he makes it.
And for having a bad arm.
DAY 2: Will remind everyone that Dr. Fauci has a really bad arm. DAY 3: Will call Gov. Cuomo and tell him that if the Black Lives Matter mural on the street in front of Trump Tower is not removed by 5 p.m., New York City will never get another federal dollar.
DAY 4: Issue an order to engrave his face on Mt. Rushmore, right near Abe Lincoln, because he is the best president for African Americans, except for Lincoln, perhaps.
DAY 5: Release his tax returns with everything redacted other than his name. Just to give Rachel Maddow “breaking news!!”
DAY 6: Turn Central Park into an oil refinery. DAY 7: Offer Joe Biden a position on the Dementia Research Council…as
DAY 2: Make the slogan of the country— “U.S.A., C’mon Man!” DAY 3: Send Hunter on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney. DAY 4: Drive to the Supreme Court with a U-Haul truck. After all, his handlers told him that he has to pack the Supreme Court.
DAY 5: Announce a tax credit for all who get hair plugs. DAY 6: Give a speech about how Republicans are “lying pony horse face soldiers who are full of malarky.”
DAY 7: Add an extra fence to the White House to prevent himself from accidentally wandering off.
Exhibit 1.
DAY 8: Give a speech about how China has unleashed a plague on the U.S
DAY 8: Release The Art of Making Liberals’ Heads Explode.
and must be held responsible…after all, fried dumplings are not healthy!
DAY 9: Nuke China for engaging in viral warfare and sending us the China Plague.
DAY 9: Celebrate his 90th birthday.
DAY 10: Kickoff his 2024 presidential bid…just, well, to make liberals’
DAY 10: Announce that he is stepping down and handing over the reins of
heads explode
the presidency to Harrison Ford, uh, eh, uh, I mean, Kamala Harris.
