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The Jewish Home | MAY 12, 2022
Life c ach
Word Salad by rivki D. rosenwald esq., LMFt, cLc, SDS
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There’s an old joke that goes something like this: Did you ever want to say one thing and just somehow another thing slipped out? For instance, one woman says to her friend, “The other day, I went to buy two mats for my house, and when I was paying, the lady had on a distracting large hat, so instead, I said, ‘I’m paying for two
Well, maybe that was not the most humorous joke, but it does point out that sometimes our words reflect what we want to say, and others times, things can have silly or varied messages. What we want to say and how it comes out just aren’t always the same! Our brains have to listen on many more levels than we realize. Words can come out
Sometimes it’s our job to hear what the other person feels behind their words.
wrong or mean more than one thing. And even when someone says what they actually mean to say, they may not mean what they are saying at all! For instance, “You never call me enough,” may really mean “I miss you!” Sometimes it’s our job to hear what the other person feels behind their words and not just listen and respond to their words. This is tough. We are reactive! We hear what we hear. But that’s at the ear level.
Rivki Rosenwald is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist working with both couples and individuals and is a certified relationship counselor. Rivki is a co-founder and creator of an effective Parent Management of Adolescent Years Program. She can be contacted at 917705-2004 or at rivkirosenwald@gmail.com.
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hats for my mouse.’ It was so embarrassing.” The woman listening said, “Oh yes, the exact same thing happened to me the other day. I simply wanted to ask my husband to pass the grapes. That’s it – just pass the grapes. But instead, when I opened my mouth, and I said, “You never listen to me. You leave everything laying around. You can be so aggravating at times… “Whooops, wait! I guess that wasn’t exactly the same thing!”
We need to shoot it up to the brain level. And still wait a bit. Then maybe we need to let it jump around the different hemispheres and centers a bit more before we respond. After all, there are a lot of them up there. So why shlep them all around in our skull all day and not make them pay for the service? When we remember that words, and even actions, are just among the limited ways we have of communicating a message, we can begin to realize that the other half of getting a message is thinking about what someone is trying to convey. So the message behind all these words is: to give your brain more of a workout before jumping to a conclusion. Take the word salad, do the brain exercise, and you and your relationships will come out in much, much better shape.
emoH hsiweJ eht | 5102 ,92 rebOtcO
y sister was reaching out to neighbors to ask for bedrooms for her Shabbos guests. She was hosting a weekend celebration and couldn’t accommodate all of them in her home. One neighbor offered two rooms and added, “If you are short, I can give you a third.” My sister thought quizzically, “What does my height have to do with it?! Why would it help if I’m short? Are her ceilings low and does she think I’m giving up my bedroom and coming across to her?!” Sometimes, conversations are just funny that way. It reminds me of another story another sister shared years ago. She had a child in sleepaway camp for the first time. The child called to say, “It is so boring here. I can’t take it!” My sister was caring and reassured her child that if she was not happy, she could come home. The child was suddenly cured and said, “Are you kidding? It’s not that boring here!” My poor sister weathered a real shock to her system. Wow, so being at home was even worse than boring camp. Again, that’s just a conversation that uses timing and words in a way that makes you smile.
