by Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., CLC, SDS

Life C ach

Maybe They Have a History, Too

By Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., LMFT, CLC, SDS

Scenario 1:

Wow, have I had a morning! The alarm just didn’t go off. Luckily, I woke up – but 15 minutes late. Then, my rotten luck, the car had a nail in the tire. Really?! So, I called an Uber. Fifteen minutes wait there. Of course! Inevitably, I arrived late for an appointment I waited no less than three months for. So, the place wanted to reschedule me they were so upset with me. I had to beg for them to let me keep the appointment anyway. They were very short with me. But I held it together. It was all quite stressful!

I’m just having one of those days! So, later, when I didn’t realize this lady was ahead of me online, did she have to jump down my throat? I had

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a good excuse! I was having a miserable day. So what?! I was only spaced out because I was so drained and depleted at that point. Why did she have to get so upset with me?

Scenario 2: (Same person, different day) The nerve that person bumped the line and just went ahead of me. What kind of person does that? That was so nasty and thoughtless. Am I invisible?

Now, this kind of thinking would really be asking ourselves to function on a high level.

Because thought 1 can be really difficult at times to accomplish. Since we are feeling so sympathetic to ourselves, “If they only knew what I’ve been through they wouldn’t be so hard on me”!

But, can we at least try to pause, before we get sooo insulted or upset

What a world this would be if we could turn this around.

News flash: We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior!

I’ve got an excuse! They are just plain inconsiderate!

What a world this would be if we could turn this around and keep these two thoughts in mind.

Thought 1: I have no right to take my stuff out on others. Period! I need to always control my behavior.

Thought 2: Maybe they’re having a rotten day? Maybe this is not a personal affront to me. Maybe they spaced out or lost it with me because they’ve got stuff going on in their lives that’s upsetting or distracting them. by the other person’s behavior?

Can we try to give others that same benefit that we naturally extend to ourselves? And not just jump down their behavior? Maybe they’ve had a tough morning, a tough day, a tough life that we are unaware of!

Maybe they, unwittingly, feel justified coming from where they are at.

We’ve all got our stuff. Let’s try to keep in mind that other people have “stuff,” too.

Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com.