7 minute read
Parenting Pearls
Parenting Pearls Enjoy Your Children
By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
Afew years ago, I was speaking to an occupational therapist, and she made an interesting comment. Her observation was that, while the parents she met always loved their children, she didn’t feel that all of them enjoyed their children.
I found this statement to be very interesting. I can’t say whether or not it’s true, but I can say it gave me a different way of looking at parent-child interactions.
Too often, we get caught up in the daily grind of life and don’t take the time to really enjoy our children. We love them, care for them, and do all the necessary parenting tasks but we don’t as often take the time to enjoy the cute and funny things they do. Kids are fun people and add lots of enjoyment to the day. Kids also see the world in ways adults no longer do.
Additionally, as much as we love our children, it doesn’t mean our children always feel it. It can be hard to express our love for them, and as much as we may feel it, they may not always sense it. Making an effort to ensure our children feel our love for them is important, too.
This does not mean we need to spend every waking minute with our children to show we love them. Everyone needs time to themselves and this, too, should be respected. Pushing yourself too far past your comfort level can easily lead to feelings of resentment. Feeling resentment and anger towards your children is unlikely to make you enjoy them more.
Kids Enjoy Being Enjoyed
Kids want their parents to be happy with them and enjoy their company. Don’t you like to know someone enjoys spending time with you? Kids are no different. Children naturally have a connection to their parents and a desire to be close to them. You can see that even children in abusive situations, chas v’shalom, can still want the attention and love of an abusive parent. Even more so, children will want to feel the devotion of a loving parent.
It’s innate for children to want to have the approval and attention of the adults in their life. This is not only natural but also important for their basic survival. By giving our children that extra connection, we are fulfilling a basic, inborn need.
Children thrive on parental love. It’s a boost to your child when they see how much you care. Enjoying their companionship only adds to this. Think of how hurtful it is for a child to not think their parents love them and how incredible they feel knowing their adults adore them. Again, even if we adore them more than they can imagine, they still need to know it.
Bonus Reward for Parents
Parenting is hard. I don’t need to cover up this basic fact. It’s hard, tiring, and difficult, but we love our children and (hopefully) recognize they’re a gift. For all our hard work, we should get to enjoy them. When you take the time to sit back and just enjoy the little things they do, it makes parenting that much more enjoyable and rewarding. It also makes parenting a little easier during those even harder moments. How many of us have taken a few minutes after an insanely crazy day just to see how peaceful and sweet our little ones look when they’re sleeping? No matter what they do during the day, they look innocent and calm when they sleep. These little moments help recharge our parental batteries so we can face the next day.
Don’t wait till they do something big to feel that nachas; enjoy the little things they do throughout the day. There are so many small accomplishments our kids do that we should enjoy them. The new big brother shares something with his little sister – that’s a sweet accomplishment. Your child got the davening award at camp – enjoy it! Someone tells you how well behaved your child is at the park – say “thank you” and smile big. Take the time to feel that pride; you can even let your child know. Feel good that this accomplished child is your child.
Kids say the funniest things. Toddlers, in particular, can say such interesting things that you wish you wrote down all of those pearls of wisdom. As their minds mature and expand their understanding, they begin to learn more and more about the world around them. As much as they understand, they often have so much more to go. They look at the world so differently that you can often think of your little one as a built-in comedy show.
Even teenagers add humor as they begin to show more and more of their personality. Enjoy their comments and their humor. Laugh a bit and keep that smile there.
Try to make some time to spend privately with each child. Even if it’s brief, quality time together is a relatively easy and meaningful way to not only show your child you value them but also to get a chance to see their unique self. Personally, I’ve often found that I get to appreciate my children in ways I don’t normally get to when I spend private time with them. They naturally open up differently when it’s one-on-one time.
Add in Your Favorites
Even when you enjoy spending time with your children, it doesn’t mean you enjoy every activity they do. Don’t hesitate to suggest activities you do enjoy. You may prefer one park, trip, game or activity over another one.
As an example, I try to keep certain board games in the house that I can at least tolerate or even enjoy playing. My kids know which I prefer and will often suggest those over the ones I don’t like. This doesn’t mean I never play games I don’t like, but it’s easier to be motivated to play a board game that I do enjoy, especially if I’m tired and really don’t want to play anything. It can be better to play the game you can get excited over and really get involved with your child than the one you dislike and can’t wait to end. Your child will pick up on your attitude. Often, the time spent with you is more important to them than the actual activity. Watch How You Phrase Things
I’ve heard parents talk about their kids, and sometimes it’s been rather negative. I don’t know if parents al-
ways realize how their comments or parent-to-parent schmoozing sounds to their child’s sensitive ears. Saying how you chose the camp with longer hours to keep your child out of the house can easily sound hurtful to a child. Another example: when people hear I homeschool my children, a frequent response is “I could never spend all day with my kids.” Parents say this to me in front of their children. We know parents (hopefully) don’t mean it the way it sounds, but
how do you think it makes their child feel? Let’s make an effort that when kids overhear us speaking to others, they feel good about our feelings for them and not like they’re a burden. There are times we may need to discuss things that aren’t positive about our children, such as to their teacher. In these circumstances, let’s make sure there aren’t any prying ears listening in. I will remind you that the walls have ears, as do the doors and kids hiding behind couches.
Enjoying your children and the things they do makes parenting them sweeter. It’s so much easier to parent children when you can enjoy them, laugh with them (or at their antics), and appreciate the natural insanity that comes with having kids. Also, ensuring our children feel the intense love we have for them can only help them develop into the fantastic people they’re on the way to becoming.
Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@gmail.com.
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