7 minute read
Parenting Pearls
Parenting Pearls Post-Testing Musings
By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
Two weeks ago, I addressed the issue of educational testing and the potential value in pursuing it. Whether or not to proceed with testing is a surprisingly difficult decision for those who have been faced with this dilemma.
The next big question is how to properly use the testing results. I want to dedicate a little time to discussing how the results can be used both in the classroom and, more importantly, at home. Furthermore, I want to get a bit daring and focus on how recognizing our children’s strengths and weaknesses is applicable to all children, not just those with clear, educational challenges.
Beyond Testing
Testing can show more precisely both the problem and the root cause. Once you know that information, your child’s educational team can better focus on addressing the real issue, learn how to adapt their education, and best meet your child’s individual needs. The classroom teacher will also have the ability to coordinate with any specialists or therapists that are assigned to your child.
Now, let’s move away from the classroom and bring it home since that’s where most of our readers are. Additionally, if you work in the classroom, you already know this stuff.
It’s important for parents to be involved. Besides the general benefit of parents understanding their child better, as parents, you assist with homework and also may be working on behavioral issues, depending on the particular concerns. As your child’s educational team learns more about your child, they should be better able to guide you in meeting your child’s needs at home.
Recognizing Appropriate Goals
How can we best use this new information to help a child meet their goals? I feel I can best explain this using an example. As I’ve written before, I take a women’s morning boot camp class at Warren Levi Martial Arts. I’m still going and enjoying the exercises. There are many aspects to a class, and an important one is the quality of the instructor. As I was thinking of how to describe what I wanted to say, I realized that Sensei Rebecca exemplifies it in each class. I will shamelessly (but with her permission) use her as an example to demonstrate what I want to say.
It’s important to accurately gauge where your students are holding. A good instructor, like a good teacher or parent, needs to know when their student is not doing enough, when they’re doing too much and how to modify for them when they need extra assistance to succeed. Let’s stay for a minute with my fitness class example. Sensei Rebecca will point out to me when my feet should go higher, my moves faster, and my technique sharper. She will also remind me to slow down during the many times I forget I’m human, not a machine, and risking injury. Frequently, she’s modified the exercise for me so I won’t get hurt, such as post-COVID. These are clear illustrations of encouraging someone to reach their potential, yet recognizing limitations and making adjustments to improve success.
Using Our Goals for Everyone
We can apply the fitness class examples to the classroom and, most importantly, to home learning. Once you know your child’s strengths and weaknesses, you can begin to recognize where they can go further, when they’ve reached their limits, and how you can best accommodate or modify activities to meet their particular needs.
We don’t want to settle for mediocrity, and we aren’t doing our children favors by not asking for their potential. Loving encouragement, not pressure or criticism, is one way we can help our children go that extra distance. This is similar to reminding me to quicken my pace to adequately raise my heart rate during cardio and fully gain from the exercise.
We need to be reasonable and not expect more from kids than is fair for that particular time. Having a fair expectation is important. For example, if your child is good at math but making careless mistakes on their homework, it’s important to gently point out that they’ve made errors so they can correct them. They may benefit from being reminded to be careful during math practice. But, if a child is sick or going through an emotionally challenging time, then it may not be a fair expectation to ask them to recheck their work, even if they generally have that potential. Allow children to feel successful and lovingly help them reach the heights they’re capable of attaining.
Many children will find some parts of their education challenging; this is nothing new to parents. When you know something is challenging to your child, then it’s unfair to have the same demands from them. Just like I would risk injury if I was pushed too hard post-illness, children also need to have their limitations respected. If a child finds math difficult, then expecting them to breeze through their math homework is unrealistic. If they’re doing well overall on the math, but accidentally make a careless error or two, it can be disheartening to have that harped on. Nobody wants to have their hard work go unnoticed and their errors amplified. Praising and cheering your child on during the stressful moments can go a long way in helping them push through and do their best during the harder times.
Most importantly, many children can benefit from adjustments; we call these modifications. Modifying their situation can often yield impressive results. Continuing with the fitness example that I’m milking for all its worth, holding onto something sturdy can help adjust for poor balance and using lighter weights can help prevent strain. Going back to our poor, overused math worksheet, allowing a child to do the problems a few at a time with frequent breaks can help with attention span. Similarly, spacing the problems out over the paper and using a larger font can help children who generally feel overwhelmed or have visual issues. Children with writing difficulties can benefit from using a keyboard or utilizing any of a number of tricks to help them with spacing, neatness, or wrist pain.
The Future Goal
A child doesn’t need to have a learning disability or diagnosis to benefit from a parent having this awareness. All children gain when adults know when to gently nudge, when to step back, and how to make adjustments for them. This all goes back to having fair expectations remove every challenge our children will face – nor should we. When we teach them how to compensate and adjust things for their own success, we’re giving them an important tool for life. As an example, I know adults
with ADHD who use various tricks to help themselves stay focused. Many adults set their watches ahead by five to ten minutes to compensate for a natural tendency towards tardiness. There are so many methods available that it’s a shame to not take advantage of them. Whether you learn tricks from a therapist, physician, or similarly challenged friend, your child will ultimately improve from learning how to work around their issues rather than ignore them. As it would be books worth of pages to list all modification – certainly too many to mention here –you should just know they exist and you can teach them to your child.
Recognize their strengths and talents while helping them to best overcome their challenges. Show them various ways to succeed even when they’re having difficulties. Love your children exactly how Hashem made them while encouraging them to reach the incredible potential that’s been divinely bestowed.
based on your child’s unique talents and bridging the gaps for their weaknesses. Remember, we all have weaknesses. The goal isn’t to become perfect but to learn how to work through and compensate where we need.
Teaching our children how to work around areas that are difficult for them is also a present. We can’t
