Notable Quotes

“Say What?!”

People should, if they invite people over to their home, to essentially ask and maybe require that people show evidence that they are vaccinated.

- Dr. Fauci, during a live-streaming session hosted by the Washington Post, talking about holiday parties

[Dr. Fauci] is not obeying science. He’s sort of granting his impulse to authoritarianism. His default position is always, “How can I control people? How can I regulate people?” But I can tell you he’s not going to be too happy with the Paul family… We have 57 people [over], no vaccine passport. The only requirement is that you have read and understand the Constitution.

– Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) on Fox News

My dad used to say, when you wrestle with a pig, you both get muddy and the pig likes it.

- Los Angeles County District Attorney George Gascón when asked about L.A. Sheriff Alex Villanueva’s call for him to be recalled

That’s why the reserve is made, to never miss maple syrup. And we won’t miss maple syrup!

- Helene Normandin, Quebec Maple Syrup Producers’ communications director, announcing that they are releasing about 50 million pounds of its strategic maple syrup reserves – about half of the total stockpile – to fix the current shortage

A big economic relief for millions of Americans who have been dealing with soaring energy prices. Costs at the pump, finally easing up. The national average for a gallon of regular falling to $3.35. The lowest since October. Just look at that. Ahhhhh!

– Don Lemon, CNN, celebrating a 4 cent decrease in a gallon of gas, which was $2.24 just one year ago

In [her interview, Hillary] reads the victory speech she never got to deliver. And I really love how she’s like, “I’ve never shared this speech with anybody before. It was too painful. You’re paying me how much? Oh, well, I guess I could read a few pages.”

— Trevor Noah

Due to the fact that Biden gave out way too much free money and nobody wants to work anymore, we are forced to reduce our hours during this week. Thank you for your understanding and your patience.

– A typed sign posted to the counter at an IHOP restaurant in Wasilla, Alaska

I got a lot of emails about Tab.

- Coca-Cola CEO James Quincey talking to CNN Business about the decision last year to slash the company’s portfolio of drinks

I didn’t hesitate to [issue a statewide mask mandate] in the emergency. The emergency is over. You know, [state] public health [officials] don’t get to tell people what to wear; that’s just not their job. Public health [officials] would say to always wear a mask because it decreases flu and decreases [other airborne illnesses]. But that’s not something that you require; you don’t tell people what to wear.

- Colorado Gov. Jared Polis (D), breaking from the Democratic Party and announcing that he won’t implement a statewide mask mandate

You don’t tell people to wear a jacket when they go out in winter and force them to [wear it]. If they get frostbite, it’s their own darn fault. If you haven’t been vaccinated, that’s your choice. I respect that. But it’s your fault when you’re in the hospital with COVID.

- Ibid.

Nobody did more for Bibi, and I liked Bibi. I still like Bibi. But I also like loyalty. The first person to congratulate Biden was Bibi. And not only did he congratulate him, he did it on tape.

- Former President Donald Trump, in a recent interview

It was important for me to congratulate the incoming president. I highly appreciate President Trump’s big contribution to Israel and its security. I also appreciate the importance of the strong alliance between Israel and the U.S.

- Netanyahu’s response

We turned into a completely different country. And what had been built up over 1,000 years was largely lost.

– Russian President Vladimir Putin on Russian TV talking about the 1991 breakup of the Soviet Union After 28 years of peacock logos on much of what I own, it is my choice now to jump without a net into the great unknown. As I do for the first time in my 62 years, my biggest worry is for my country The truth is I’m not a liberal or a conservative. I’m an institutionalist. I believe in this place and in my love of country; I yield to no one. Grown men and women who swore an oath to our Constitution, elected by their constituents, possessing the kinds of college degrees I could only dream of, have decided to join the mob and become something they are not while hoping we somehow forget who they were. They’ve decided to burn it all down with us inside.

- Brian Williams, announcing that he is leaving NBC, the network that he has been with for 28 years, other than for six months when he was suspended for lying and embellishing stories

I don’t know the last time President Biden rolled out to a Walmart or to a Target to do his [holiday] shopping. If he did, he would find out that a lot of things that people are looking for [the holidays] are unavailable.

- Sen. Joni Ernst, an Iowa Republican, on shortages these days

I wanna go back. The Gs...it’s not a face lift, it’s a face drop. I know what I’m going to look like at 85.

- “Good Morning America” host Michael Strahan after returning from a trip to space on a Blue Origin rocket

MORE QUOTES

A video chat [with Putin] is a tough way for both these guys to do diplomacy. I mean, especially because even when he’s in person, Biden talks like he’s got a bad connection.

— Trevor Noah

Dr. Oz is fundamentally promising to help re-light the divine spark inside every American. I’d settle for cheaper gas, but sure, Doc, check the pilot light on my divine spark, just like they taught you at med school.

– Host of “The Late Show” Steve Colbert attacking Dr. Oz who announced that he is running for Senate as a Republican

The new deadly virus variant is only “worrisome” … Yep, it’s encouraging, which is positive enough to continue with your holiday plans, but vague enough to make you spend the entire time freaking out.

- Jimmy Fallon

If you are a Jew, there are two things that you talk about when it comes to your attitude towards G-d: yiras Shomayim [fear of G-d]…then there’s ahavas Shomayim [love of G-d]… As a religious person you are supposed to have both… Well, paganistic secularists, when it comes to Covid, they have fear of Covid and love of Covid.

– Ben Shapiro, explaining how liberals fear Covid – which is why they insist on crazy mask mandates – while at the same time, they love the power that Covid gives them

You may have noticed this sign on your commute recently and...you all passed the test! We were making sure commuters were *aware* of our signage. Now stop texting and taking photos while driving, and pay attention to the road!

-Facebook post by the Delaware Department of Transportation after drivers pointed out that the word “Delaware” was misspelled on a highway sign

I love dogs more than people.

- Alex Johns, a volunteer at the Cincinnati Animal CARE Humane Society, explaining why he walked 50 dogs to celebrate his 50th birthday

Let’s change the rigged tax code so The Person of the Year will actually pay taxes and stop freeloading off everyone else.

– Tweet by Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)

You remind me of when I was a kid and my friend’s angry Mom would just randomly yell at everyone for no reason.

- Elon Musk, in response

Please don’t call the manager on me, Senator Karen.

- Ibid.

Time magazine today unveiled their annual Person of the Year, and that person is Elon Musk… It is believed to be the highest honor ever awarded to a person who cuts his own hair.

- Jimmy Kimmel

In response to this, Jeff Bezos just bought Time magazine.

- James Corden

Yeah, Musk received the honor for his work in space exploration and after he bought 10 million subscriptions to Time magazine.

- Jimmy Fallon