6 minute read
Your Money
Your Money Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures
Part II
By Allan Rolnick, CPA
Last week, we talked about one of Uncle Sam’s priciest problems. Specifically, the current lineup of taxes on income, payrolls, corporations, gifts, estates, imports, and gas and alcohol sales isn’t getting the job done. We’re collecting almost $12 billion/day, and we’re still $29 trillion in the hole! Clearly, we need some creative thinking. So why not turn to some lesser-known taxes that different governments have used to help make ends meet? Last week we looked at windows, beards, wig powder, and baby names. What else should we be taxing to fill the hole? • Litigation: When Shakespeare’s dopey Dick the Butcher says, “Let’s kill all the lawyers” (Henry VI, Part II), he isn’t bashing lawyers; he’s bashing the rule of law that stands in the way of his rebellion. But that doesn’t stop Tennessee from hitting litigants with taxes ranging from $1 for parking violations to $3,000 for certain offenders. Today’s voters are more divided than at any time since the Civil War, but does anyone doubt we could abandon partisanship long enough to slap a tax on court cases? Too bad Congress is so full of lawyers! • Toilets: The state of Maryland charges a “flush tax” of $60/year — more formally known as the “Chesapeake Bay Restoration Fee” — to finance upgrading 67 sewer treatment plants that discharge into the bay. (No questions on the “enhanced nutrient removal process,” please.) Flushing,
like air conditioning, has become a necessity of modern life. Luckily, Uncle Sam didn’t figure this out in time to tax toilet paper during last year’s shortages! • Mahogany Quahogs: If you’re visiting Maine, love shellfish but hate lobster, and think the Pine Tree state needs more revenue, then Maine’s mahogany quahog clam tax is the answer to your oddly specific prayer. The Maine Revenue Service’s Mahogany Quahog Dealers Report (Form Qua) slaps a $1.20 tax on every bushel of the briny treat. Every state should nominate one local delicacy as their tax “tribute” — how much do you think we can raise on Chicago’s gooey deep-dish pizza, Philly’s iconic cheese-steak sandwiches, and Ohio’s Cincinnati-style chili?
• Coin-Operated Laundromats: South Dakota levies a $16 nontransferable annual license on coin-operated washers and dryers — $20 if they’re located in a municipality of more than 1,000. The instructions to Form 0872 even helpfully list all 62 municipalities that qualify. (If you feel foolish because you didn’t know South Dakota taxes laundromats, imagine how foolish you’d feel if you were one of the readers just now learning we have two Dakotas!) • Cow Scents. When it comes to greenhouse gases, fossil fuels take most of the blame. But the European Union has found that up to 18% of the continent’s emissions come from cows. The answer? Taxing the cows is more than just hot air. Denmark currently levies the highest cow tax in Europe at €80 per head. Here in the states, Texas is home to 4,685,000 of the gassy critters, and we’ll see a Texas cow tax long before we see a Texas income tax.
We’re not sure just what to take away from this motley collection of tax bills. Be careful what you wish for, maybe? Things can always be worse? Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas? Maybe our current tax system isn’t as bad as we think. At least we know the “green lights” we can use to pay less!
Allan J Rolnick is a CPA who has been in practice for over 30 years in Queens, NY. He welcomes your comments and can be reached at 718-896-8715 or at allanjrcpa@aol.com.
Life C ach
It’s Calling Me!
By Rivki D. Rosenwald Esq., LMFT, CLC, SDS
It’s big.
It’s round.
It’s the best staple one can
find.
Should I keep going on or have you got it?
It saves Thursday nights.
Now, did you get it?
It makes Saturday night! I’m sure you are all with me now!
Yes, I’m talking about pizza!
There’s a real dilemma here – is it an Italian food because they say it originated there or is it a Jewish food because we can’t be Jewish without needing it?
Can anyone say they go through a week without having at least one slice?
We can’t even go through a Pesach without it. Whether delivered by a soggy piece of matzoh or a potato starch pancake, we are committed to getting some version of pizza into us during those days. And we won’t be deterred by a no-bread week.
Pizza is clearly our weekday cholent!
It’s true that if you actually go out on a Saturday night there might be those occasions you wind up not eating it. Although those occasions are few and far between. But show me one household where people are staying home Saturday night that doesn’t have a pizza box on their counter, and I’ll show you a family where it might be wise to check out their lineage.
My mother used to worry about me. She thought I was undernourished and way too thin. (OK, she hasn’t worried about me being too thin in a bunch of years. I guess because I clearly expanded
my repertoire and some other body parts. In fact, it seems I must have inherited her worry about my being undernourished because I can’t seem to stop eating!)
So one day, my mom came home all smiles and said that she was feeling so much better about my eating. The doctor had told her I was getting a fully balanced diet – carbs, vegetables and protein. Bread, tomatoes, and cheese! You guessed it, I survived on pizza.
Interestingly, I still do! The problem is these days I add every food group as a side dish!
Let me give you an illustration of just how alluring pizza is in our world.
My son has always been an extremely adventurous and industrious guy. There was a fellow classmate who was such a committed athlete that the school actually had him on two teams. This was really an exception to a school rule. You can imagine how
much he must have enjoyed sports to develop to this level.
Nevertheless, one time, when he was over at our house my son managed to lure him away from partaking in sports and had him participate in learning how to make pizza starting from square one.
You may think that once he had time to think he may have had some regrets about spending his time this way. However, the next time I saw his mom, she said her son had said he had the best day of his life at our home because he learned to make pizza from scratch.
Was it the lore of the fun my son created or the pizza? As a partial mom, I can’t say my son’s talents might not have been a big part of it. But the pizza must have contributed somewhat.
But then again, today that very same son of mine owns his own backyard pizza oven. And I will tell you, lots of people show up at his place all the time for homemade pizza.
Again, is it his charm or is it the pizza?
Well, if it is him, the pizza certainly runs a very close second.
What’s my point?
Pizza intrigues us. It appeals to us. It mesmerizes us! We do out-of-the-box things just to get a slice!
There is no fighting it. It certainly is a food that speaks to us, though I don’t mean that literally. Then again, it does literally seem to call to us!
Pizza is clearly our weekday cholent!
Rivki Rosenwald is a certified relationship counselor, and career and life coach. She can be contacted at 917-705-2004 or rivki@rosenwalds.com.
