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NOVEMBER 11, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Parenting Pearls
Your Child & Their Body By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
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ast night, I had the pleasure of speaking to my sister. Being thousands of miles away and seven hours ahead means these conversations don’t happen as often as I’d like. Being both a nurse and professionally trained in other areas, she has a unique insight into the Jewish community’s needs in ways that others rarely do. It became clear during our conversation that many children are not being raised with an accurate awareness of their own body’s anatomy. They, in turn, are at-risk of becoming young married men and women unaware of their own bodies, as she is seeing in her professional experience. Young children and even teens are unable to properly communicate pain, injury, or any other matter if they don’t correctly know their bodies. While my sister may live far from us, her community’s needs may be very close to ours. As parents, many of us are naturally squeamish about discussing certain topics with our children. The truth is that our bodies were given to us by Hashem to house our neshamos. We are commanded to protect our bodies. Each part of our body is there for a reason; Hashem doesn’t do anything without cause, and we shouldn’t be afraid of any part of the body. It’s important for us to rise above our own discomfort and make basic anatomy something we and our children are knowledgeable about. This discussion is not to be confused with other important conversations that take place as children mature and age. It might be tempting to rely on the school to teach this topic, but it’s better for a parent to take these reins themselves. I haven’t quizzed schools, but they are not all teaching this topic to sufficiently prepare your child for practical day-to-day life and bodily awareness. Learning about mitosis and meiosis isn’t enough to get them
through life. Even if the schools do teach everything, it’s still something to be reinforced at home.
The Holiness of Our Bodies Our bodies are gifts from Hashem and should not be seen as dirty or “gross.”. While there are halachos and that which is and isn’t appropriate, our basic anatomy is reality and shouldn’t be neglected. By being hesitant about discussing with our children their personal biology we are not reinforcing in our children that they are holy – we are doing the opposite. If we don’t talk about something their inevitable conclusion can be that there is something wrong with them, chas v’shalom. We also know that as frum Jews tzinius plays a big role in our lives. Maintaining tzinius is part of how we as Klal Yisroel maintain our kedusha. Teaching children about their bodies need not conflict with these holy teachings. Educating children to respect their bodies should only enhance their appreciation of the importance of tzinius. This article cannot cover the important role of tzinius. I’m also not a rav and therefore do not provide piskei halacha. What I would like to touch upon is the idea that teaching anatomy should improve our appreci-
ation of tzinius and not the opposite. When we avoid discussing private areas, it can lead children to, chas v’shalom, think that some parts of our body are dirty or disgusting. That’s not only untrue but also emotionally unhealthy for children. Children are able to understand that while every part of our body is holy and from Hashem, some parts are meant to be covered. We don’t need to make children feel bad about their bodies to encourage them to cover up properly. We cover ourselves out of dignity. We dress appropriately because we are royalty. We clothe ourselves because it’s halacha. We don’t do so because our bodies are offensive.
Stick to the Facts Keep it simple. Use factual information when you speak to your child. You don’t need to be creative or think deeply; you just need to stick to the facts. It doesn’t even need to be a formal discussion. When your little one asks a question about his or her body, just give basic information that is medically accurate. Kids ask enough questions that you’re bound to get plenty of teaching moments. Keep it simpler for younger kids and add more advanced information as they get older.
After speaking to my sister, I know that many adults have misconceptions they’re not even aware of about even their own bodies. Take a few minutes to educate yourself and make sure you know the most accurate information to pass on to your children. It’s doing a disservice to your children to give them the wrong information, as well-meaning as it might be intended. When you need to reference body parts, please use real names and not cutesy or made-up ones. I’ve heard the most bizarre and odd nicknames assigned to body parts. It’s best to teach your child using correct terms. What looks cute for a little kid to say is immature for an older child. It can also be considered disrespectful to use some of the terms I’ve heard well-intentioned parents use. Not only does appropriate language encourage respect and normalcy for our bodies but it also helps healthcare providers accurately ascertain any issues as they arise. If their doctor can’t figure out what they’re saying hurts or was injured, you risk an inaccurate diagnosis. Additionally, if, chas v’shalom, there is a concern of potential abuse, the words children use can make a major difference.
Resources There are many resources available to parents. Your child’s pediatrician specializes in children and their bodies. He or she is not only knowledgeable but also experienced in explaining those little bodies. I personally have asked my children’s pediatricians about puberty and other topics as they’ve come up. My questions were welcomed, and I clearly wasn’t the first to inquire. Doctors also can suggest resources that the average person wouldn’t be aware of. We live in a time of more information than ever before. There are plenty of options such as medical
