11 minute read
Parenting Pearls
Parenting Pearls Your Child & Their Body
By Sara Rayvych, MSEd
Last night, I had the pleasure of speaking to my sister. Being thousands of miles away and seven hours ahead means these conversations don’t happen as often as I’d like. Being both a nurse and professionally trained in other areas, she has a unique insight into the Jewish community’s needs in ways that others rarely do.
It became clear during our conversation that many children are not being raised with an accurate awareness of their own body’s anatomy. They, in turn, are at-risk of becoming young married men and women unaware of their own bodies, as she is seeing in her professional experience. Young children and even teens are unable to properly communicate pain, injury, or any other matter if they don’t correctly know their bodies. While my sister may live far from us, her community’s needs may be very close to ours.
As parents, many of us are naturally squeamish about discussing certain topics with our children. The truth is that our bodies were given to us by Hashem to house our neshamos. We are commanded to protect our bodies. Each part of our body is there for a reason; Hashem doesn’t do anything without cause, and we shouldn’t be afraid of any part of the body. It’s important for us to rise above our own discomfort and make basic anatomy something we and our children are knowledgeable about. This discussion is not to be confused with other important conversations that take place as children mature and age.
It might be tempting to rely on the school to teach this topic, but it’s better for a parent to take these reins themselves. I haven’t quizzed schools, but they are not all teaching this topic to sufficiently prepare your child for practical day-to-day life and bodily awareness. Learning about mitosis and meiosis isn’t enough to get them through life. Even if the schools do teach everything, it’s still something to be reinforced at home.
The Holiness of Our Bodies
Our bodies are gifts from Hashem and should not be seen as dirty or “gross.”. While there are halachos and that which is and isn’t appropriate, our basic anatomy is reality and shouldn’t be neglected. By being hesitant about discussing with our children their personal biology we are not reinforcing in our children that they are holy – we are doing the opposite. If we don’t talk about something their inevitable conclusion can be that there is something wrong with them, chas v’shalom.
We also know that as frum Jews tzinius plays a big role in our lives. Maintaining tzinius is part of how we as Klal Yisroel maintain our kedusha. Teaching children about their bodies need not conflict with these holy teachings. Educating children to respect their bodies should only enhance their appreciation of the importance of tzinius.
This article cannot cover the important role of tzinius. I’m also not a rav and therefore do not provide piskei halacha. What I would like to touch upon is the idea that teaching anatomy should improve our appreciation of tzinius and not the opposite.
When we avoid discussing private areas, it can lead children to, chas v’shalom, think that some parts of our body are dirty or disgusting. That’s not only untrue but also emotionally unhealthy for children. Children are able to understand that while every part of our body is holy and from Hashem, some parts are meant to be covered. We don’t need to make children feel bad about their bodies to encourage them to cover up properly. We cover ourselves out of dignity. We dress appropriately because we are royalty. We clothe ourselves because it’s halacha. We don’t do so because our bodies are offensive.
Stick to the Facts
Keep it simple. Use factual information when you speak to your child. You don’t need to be creative or think deeply; you just need to stick to the facts. It doesn’t even need to be a formal discussion. When your little one asks a question about his or her body, just give basic information that is medically accurate. Kids ask enough questions that you’re bound to get plenty of teaching moments. Keep it simpler for younger kids and add more advanced information as they get older.
After speaking to my sister, I know that many adults have misconceptions they’re not even aware of about even their own bodies. Take a few minutes to educate yourself and make sure you know the most accurate information to pass on to your children. It’s doing a disservice to your children to give them the wrong information, as well-meaning as it might be intended.
When you need to reference body parts, please use real names and not cutesy or made-up ones. I’ve heard the most bizarre and odd nicknames assigned to body parts. It’s best to teach your child using correct terms. What looks cute for a little kid to say is immature for an older child. It can also be considered disrespectful to use some of the terms I’ve heard well-intentioned parents use.
Not only does appropriate language encourage respect and normalcy for our bodies but it also helps healthcare providers accurately ascertain any issues as they arise. If their doctor can’t figure out what they’re saying hurts or was injured, you risk an inaccurate diagnosis. Additionally, if, chas v’shalom, there is a concern of potential abuse, the words children use can make a major difference.
Resources
There are many resources available to parents. Your child’s pediatrician specializes in children and their bodies. He or she is not only knowledgeable but also experienced in explaining those little bodies. I personally have asked my children’s pediatricians about puberty and other topics as they’ve come up. My questions were welcomed, and I clearly wasn’t the first to inquire. Doctors also can suggest resources that the average person wouldn’t be aware of. We live in a time of more information than ever before. There are plenty of options such as medical
websites, diagrams, and books. I will advise against random googling both because the information may not be accurate but also because you may get websites you didn’t intend to view. Use only medically or educationally reputable sites. Some children may benefit from being shown the diagrams or information themselves while others may not and will prefer hearing it exclusively from their adult.
There are books adults may find helpful to become informed. There are also books designed to be given to children so they can read by themselves. These books can be very helpful and may make it easier on parents who are having trouble with the discussion. A well-written book may benefit both children that are hesitant to ask and not just their nervous parents. Your child may choose to read it alone or along with you.
Please check any books, diagrams, or websites first to ensure they are up to your family’s standards before handing them to your youngster. I’ve personally found even some biology textbooks have had unnecessary and problematic content. There are books
written for the frum child but even these, too, should be checked first.
Ongoing Discussions
This doesn’t need to become a major discussion. In fact, it’s probably easier on everyone if this is a series of briefer ongoing talks. As we speak to our children, we can simply introduce the terms, when it comes up, and use those terms correctly. Explain as you go and create the opportunity to bring up whatever isn’t being asked.
Young kids see all body parts the
same so not only is it a great time to start but it’s the easiest time to begin the conversation at that age. Even if your child is past the younger years, you certainly should still educate them through ongoing conversations. You want to be someone your child is comfortable asking their questions to as they develop. The more your child can come to you, the more they will remain accurately informed and know they have someone they can trust.
When you speak to them, it’s a good time to reinforce that bodies are private and that we don’t touch others nor do they touch us. Personal safety of all types should also be part of our child’s education. Personal hygiene and body care, too, should be included during health discussions.
Children can, and should, be raised to see their bodies as normal and as a tool to serve Hashem. They have a heart, shoulders, and a head. Everything they have is there for a reason and is necessary. Let’s properly educate our children and raise them to be accurately informed about their own bodies as we bring them from childhood to adulthood.
Sara Rayvych, MSEd, has her master’s in general and special education. She has been homeschooling for over 10 years in Far Rockaway. She can be contacted at RayvychHomeschool@gmail.com.
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23 Marcheshvan 5782 / October 29, 2021 A Sabbatical/Shemittah Year of "Rest for the Earth" (Leviticus 25:6) PUBLIC LETTER TO THE PRIME MINISTER OF ISRAEL BY ISRAELI ORTHODOX RABBIS in advance of the World Climate Summit in Glasgow, Scotland
To the Honorable Prime Minister of Israel, Mr. Naftali Bennett:
This letter is written to you entirely independent of party politics, ethnicity, religious identity, or even national identity. It relates to all of humanity, and as such we have united to write about it:
The Torah analysis of sustainability is no longer one concerned only with the (halachic) question of bal tachshit (“wanton waste”; Deuteronomy. 20:19); with protecting God’s world; with the precept of “pay attention not to ruin (My world, for if you do so, there is no one after you who will repair it”; Ecclesiastes Rabbah 7:13); and the (other) Torah sources cited in numerous discussions about the connection between the Torah, faith, and protecting the world.
Today, this subject relates to global pikuach nefesh (preservation of life) in the fullest sense of those words. We are talking about a dramatic impact upon human life in its broadest possible senses – hunger, drought, the human and security aspects of migration – with enormous implications for the quality of life and its very existence. We are no longer discussing a subject relating to the future; it is present and already here. Its signs are recognizable to all via the various parameters by which it can be discerned. This is all already visible in the world with the extinction of many species, offering a window to the possible reality towards which we are advancing, and (may) cross.
It is reasonable to assume that there are external influences at play here – scientific bias, political interests, international companies, and the like. Moreover, it is also reasonable to assume that some of the proposed solutions (will) cause damage greater than present reality. But nonetheless even if only some of the assessments relating to global warming are accurate, then we are obliged to act - and it is superfluous to mention the Torah’s attitude regarding the obligation of pikuach nefesh and saving lives. When the vast majority of the world’s scientists working in this area issue extraordinarily severe warnings about what is happening – this obligates us to address this reality.
We ask that you represent the complete partnership of the State of Israel in the global effort (on this issue). Although our country is small and our impact minimal, our partnership (in this global effort) is likely to be very significant. Certainly you will do this with open eyes, taking care (to avoid possible) manipulation – but simultaneously also with willingness and dedication to this critical issue, upon which the world’s future depends. The eyes of many in the world are lifted towards us, the source of the major (world) religions, “For from Zion shall go forth Torah, and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.” (Isaiah 2:3)
CC:
President of the State of Israel, Mr. Isaac Herzog Speaker of the Knesset, MK Mickey Levy Chair of the Coalition, MK Idit Silman Minister of Environmental Protection, Ms. Tamar Zandberg Minister of Energy, Ms. Korinne Elharar Minister of Education, MK Yifat Shasha-Bitton
Rabbinic Signatories:
Yaakov Ariel Avraham Mordechai Gottleib David Stav Shlomo Aviner Avi Gisser Yossi Fruman Yehuda Altshuler Yehiel Wasserman David Rosen Chananel Etrog Ronen Lubitz Naftali Rothenberg Kobi Bornstein Michael Melchior Yosef Tzvi Rimon Yoel Bin Nun Meir Nehorai Sharon Shalom Dov Berkovitz Rafi Feuerstein Yuval Cherlow
