New Column! Teen Talk

Teen Talk

By Rebbetzin Sori Teitelbaum

Dear Teen Talk, Teen Talk,

I would like to begin by thanking you for giving teenagers a forum where we can feel comfortable asking questions, receiving guidance, and have an overall sense of being heard.

I am a 15-year-old girl, the third of four daughters. I am, b”H, a smart, fun-loving, capable girl with many friends. Yet, at times, I feel as if everyone and everything would just go on fine without me. Is it normal to feel so dispensable and how can I overcome these feelings?

Teen Talk, a new column in TJH, is geared towards the teens in our community. Answered by a rotating roster of teachers, rebbeim, clinicians, and peers (!), teens will be hearing answers to many questions they had percolating in their minds and wished they had the answers for.

Answer:

Thank you for writing in with such an important question. Indeed, not only are you “smart, fun-loving and capable,” but you are wise beyond your years. There are many adults of all ages who at times share your feeling of being dispensable.

I believe the key to getting past these feelings is to understand the difference between “dispensable” and “replaceable.” No person or event or entity is indispensable. But on the other hand, no person, or event or entity is replaceable. Whatever happens afterwards is not the same as before and therefore the very fact that it IS replaced is a reminder that something was destroyed. Let’s take a simple example – a piece of furniture in a person’s home is destroyed. Or maybe a piece of jewelry was stolen. The insurance company pays for the furniture or jewelry to be replaced. But even if we replace it with as close a copy as possible to the item, every time we look at the replacement, we are reminded that the original was destroyed.

My husband and I recently made Aliya to Ramat Beit Shemesh, and we spent the summer furnishing our new apartment. We ended up (by chance) at a wonderful store that builds all kinds of premium wood furniture. We were ordering our dining room furniture, and the proprietor wanted us to feel comfortable that he was legitimate, so he showed us the beautiful chair he had made for the Viznitzer Rebbe. He jokingly said he could make a replica for us and my husband would feel the holiness of the Rebbe in the chair. We explained to him that although it would look exactly like the Rebbe’s chair, it was not the actual chair that the Rebbe sat on, so it had a totally different value to it.

The chair is dispensable as it can break or become ruined – but it cannot be replaced.

We surely can see this concept in the story of the rebuilding of the second Beit Hamikdash. The Navi tells us that when the second Beit Hamikdash was being rebuilt, the elderly, who were alive and saw the first Beit Hamikdash, wept in despair. However, the young people rejoiced because our Beit Hamikdash was being restored. The older people understood it was a replacement and not the same as before and therefore the very fact that it IS replaced is a reminder that something was destroyed.

You have special talents that Hashem gave you, special skills that He gifted you with.

totally different value to it.

The chair is dispensable as it can break or become ruined same as the first Beit Hamikdash – and they wept. The replacement is never the original. As we know, many of the miracles in the first Beit Hamikdash did not exist in the second. You can replace bricks and stones, but you cannot replace miracles. Yet another example are the two sets of Luchot. The second are two sets of Luchot. The second are a replacement of the first, but they are a replacement of the first, but they are not exactly the same. The text differs not exactly the same. The text differs from the first to the second. The lesson from the first to the second. The lesson

here is that the first are not replaceable. The input and idea are the same but they are not the same. Every time we read the second set, we are reminded of the fact that Moshe broke the first set. Even in the time of joy that Hashem forgave us and gave us the second set of Luchot, we relive the tragedy of the loss of the first Luchot.

People are not replaceable, either.

After my mother passed away, my siblings and I encouraged our father to remarry. No one should have to be alone. We understood that our mother, a”h, was not replaceable, yet our father Are you a teen with a question? If you have a question or problem you’d like our columnists to address, email your question or insight to editor@fivetownsjewishhome.com, subject line: Teen Talk.

needed to move forward. We were needed to move forward. We were blessed for ten years that our father blessed for ten years that our father found another wonderful and special woman to remarry, Mira, a”h.

No one is replaceable.

We must use the unique talents and special skills that Hashem has given specifically to each of us to make a difference, to help those around us, to build up others and to build up ourselves so that indeed we will truly understand that we are never replaceable. You have special talents that Hashem gave you, special skills that He gifted you with. Those special talents and skills make you someone who can never be replaced. You are needed in this world. others and to build up ourselves so that indeed we will truly un-

Rebbetzin Sori Teitelbaum is the rebbetzin emeritus of Young Israel of Lawrence-Cedarhurst. She recently retired from teaching at HAFTR middle school and high school in the Five Towns. She is a well-known speaker and is involved in all aspects of the community. Rabbi and Rebbetzin Teitelbaum recently made aliyah and live most of the in Ramat Beit Shemesh.

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