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Parenting Pearls

Parenting Pearls

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By Miriam Liebermann

Iwould watch the sun set in the evenings…either through the windows of our home or whilst sitting on a bench in my beloved Riverside Park. Now, I rise at my usual early hour of the morn and watch the sun rise from my favorite perch in our new home in Lawrence. Equally beautiful. Actually, more than beautiful – appropriate. The sun rise heralds the start of a brand-new day, or perhaps even a brand-new life.

Today, as of this writing, it is exactly nine weeks since our move. It’s been a busy and productive time. Baruch Hashem, by now, we are comfortably settled in. Our home is cozy and, for now, quite perfect for our needs.

Last week, Esther and Faigie came to visit, dear friends who are both involved professionally in home design and are always on the cusp of the latest in home décor. Reviewing my visit with them that evening with my dear husband, he inquired, “So how do Esther and Faigie like our new home?”

I shared with him Faigie’s singular comment referring to our current home décor. “Miriam, your next home, Esther and I will help you decorate!”

My husband and I both laughed. We really do enjoy our current home. Some of us need to go upscale, craving the latest and the best. And others are content with cozy and comfy. I belong to the second category. Of course, I appreciate beautiful, elegant settings, but that’s not the priority for me.

Years ago, one of my favorite writers discussed how her home was decorated with various items procured through the yearly mishloach manos gifts she and her husband would receive from community members. All those trays, boxes, and baskets were put to good use in adorning her home. I laughed when I read her piece because I get it!

I love having and using items that were gifted to me by dear family and friends, thus having sentimental value. I walk around our new home and take note of the décor. Come walk with me…

Over the beds in the main bedroom hangs a series of watercolors painted by my dear mother-in-law, a”h, who was quite an artist. Her artistic talent was definitely passed onto the next generation and still brings me pleasure today. In the corner sits a most comfy armchair, still perfectly sturdy, even after over four decades of use. I remember buying those chairs with my husband from Ethan Allen when we were decorating our very first home. This beloved chair has since been reupholstered several times and probably could do with a new upholstery job one of these days. We’ll get there!

There, in the dining room, sits the credenza that graced my parents’ home for many years. In our previous home, this credenza was barely visible, hidden by the large dining room table. Now, I see it in all its glory. Displayed on the walls are my own tapestries. Using vivid colors, presenting beautiful scenes from our tradition, they bring me incredible joy. A chuppah scene – the simcha is apparent. A glorious birchas habayis – may the blessings be fulfilled onto eternity. My grandmother’s handcrafted matzah cover, created in prewar Poland.. the challah cover my parents used when they were first married… Enlarged photos of pivotal moments of a family bris, bar mitzvah and wedding. Collages of monumental events and beloved family members.

While creating a brand-new nest, my own personal space, I still need the familiar to keep me anchored, to evoke beautiful memories. I’ve always maintained that I live a multi-dimensional life. I’m connected to my past, I’m eagerly anticipating the future, whilst simultaneously I’m doing my utmost to live a meaningful life today. This transition would be much too stark and too difficult if I would leave this all behind.

I’m not the only one feathering my nest right now. These past months, due to corona, many have been home day after day, hour after hour. And many are filling their time in a very constructive fashion by going through their closets, perhaps downsizing a bit, puttering

around their homes, enhancing the décor. Any tips for me out there? I’m certainly in good company!

Our new home is blessed with many windows. From my favorite corner on the living room couch I can see out three directions. I see the early morning sunrises…the trees and bushes with their flaming red leaves attesting to the change of season. I take note of the bluebirds and red jay that visit every morning.

Orchid plants that were gifted to us upon our arrival eight weeks ago sit upon assorted tables. These home-warming gifts helped welcome us to our new community.

Our large, marble, circular coffee table belonged years ago to our dear neighbor Barbara. I had been close to Barbara’s family. As a young girl, I babysat for her daughters. In later years, Barbara would regularly join our leil Shabbos seudah. Barbara would sit at our table, reminiscing about her own table when she had been a child and the traditions that she had sadly dropped during the intervening years. Most unfortunately, Barbara began to suffer early onset Alzheimer’s. She relocated to be near her children. As they emptied out her well-appointed apartment,

they offered me whatever I would like. And so I have this fabulous coffee table, along with various wool afghans that keep me warm as I sit and read during those early mornings, warming my heart and soul!

So thank you Faigie for your offer, thanks but no thanks. I don’t need the latest in home décor, alathough I do appreciate your offer. Warm and cozy will do it for us.

This interchange reminded me of an earlier one, a week before our move, when Eva asked me, “So, Mir-

iam, will you change the way you dress when you move to Lawrence?” I did a double-take at this question. Of course not! I’m the same person wherever I live. Whether regarding my home décor or my personal attire, that’s me! I’m not changing.

Eva’s question reminded me of a scene from my dating days. This particular young man had referred to women as “clothes horses,” indicating that a woman’s primary role is to wear her clothes well, presenting a certain image to society. I was personally offended by this term. I knew this young man was not for me! Next!

G-d created each of us differently. There’s room for all types in this world. Doesn’t that make life much more interesting? I’ve always been a bit of a nonconformist. I believe that G-d gifted me with more courage than others have. I’ve always done my own thing. And I hope to continue to do so.

My very wise mother, a”h, would say, “To thine own self be true.” Thank you, dear mother. I hear you loud and clear!

I love having and using items that were gifted to me by dear family and friends, thus having sentimental value.

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