Notable Quotes

“Say What?!”

That’s right, Tom Brady is back, and once again he made history as the first person to ever move to Florida and un-retire.

— Jimmy Fallon

Yeah, he was only retired for six weeks. His kids were like, “Is it something we said?”

— Ibid.

I guess he realized that if he retired, there wouldn’t be anybody around to make sure Gronk doesn’t eat a gallon of Tide pods.

— Jimmy Kimmel

The harm these sanctions caused us cost money. Return of possessions, including possessions of the Russian Empire, Soviet Union and even parts of Russia that are now occupied by the United States.

- Russian parliament member Oleg Matveychev arguing on Russian TV that the United States should have to give Alaska back to Russia All my Republican colleagues and public figures have attempted to undermine your nomination through the pejorative term “affirmative action.” They have implied you were solely nominated due to your race and not for other factors…. Let me be clear, your nomination is not about filling a quota; it is about time. It is about time that we have a highly qualified, highly accomplished Black woman serving on the Supreme Court. It’s about time that the court better reflects the country it serves. It is about time that Black women and girls around the country can finally see someone who looks like them sitting on the Supreme Court.

- Sen. Mazie Hirono (D- HI) at the hearing for Pres. Biden’s Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson

As to the historic nature of your appointment, I understand. But when I get lectured about this from my Democratic colleagues, I remember Janice Rogers Brown, the African-American woman. It was filibustered by the same people praising you. I remember Miguel Estrada, one of the finest people I ever met, completely wiped out, didn’t make it through… He didn’t make the cut, well-lived life just completely ruined. So, if you’re Hispanic or African-American conservative, it’s about your philosophy. But now it’s going to be about the historic nature of the pick.

– Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) at the hearing for Pres. Biden’s Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson

Zelensky appealed directly to Congress. He said, “We need you right now.” And Congress was like, “Listen, we’d love to help, but we just made daylight saving time permanent and we are wiped out, so.”

— Jimmy Kimmel

The Jewish Home | MARCH 24, 2022 This week the Jewish people are celebrating the festival of Purim. Purim is a celebration of what Queen Esther did. Queen Esther was with the King of Persia in the palace, and she was Jewish. Haman was a very close adviser to that king, and he was advising the king that maybe it was time to get rid of all the Jews. Queen Esther’s uncle was Mordechai.

My Hebrew name is Mordechai, and I think my family gave me that name for this reason. Mordechai talked to Esther the Queen and said, “Look, Esther, you might survive this for a little while, but you won’t survive this. He’s really going to kill all the Jewish people and your family.”

And he gave Esther the courage to try to see if she could turn the King’s heart, and she did. And saved the nation. So some of you may be uncomfortable — you guys asked the question, right? You asked the question about Ukraine. We say never again. I was born in 1960, 15 years after they opened up the gates, and they saw 6 million Jews were murdered and 3 million more people. So if Tara VanDerveer wants money for 3-pointers, I’ll up whatever they’re offering. I’m in. I’m all in. Help the Ukrainian people survive that.

- Auburn basketball coach Bruce Pearl at a press conference last weekend, after his team played in an NCAA March Madness game, when asked about a fund that would donate $10 to Ukraine for every 3-pointer made during March Madness

I’m very concerned about what’s going on in Iran with the king of Persia now, and if we embody that government, give them all that money, sign a bad treaty, it’s going to put the world in jeopardy.

– Ibid., talking about the bad deal that the U.S. struck with Iran this week

Zelensky asked America to establish a no-fly zone over Ukraine, which we’re reluctant to do because it could result in nuclear war. But we are willing to wear blue and yellow lapel pins at all the awards shows this month, so that’s something, right?

— Jimmy Kimmel If Zelensky’s speech was given … in normal times, we would have said it bordered on Holocaust denial… Every comparison between a regular war, as difficult as it may be, and the extermination of millions of Jews in gas chambers in the framework of the Final Solution, is a total distortion of history. The same is true for the claim that Ukrainians helped Jews in the Holocaust… The historic truth is that the Ukrainian people cannot be proud of its behavior in the Holocaust of the Jews. None of that changes the fact that despite the outrageous use of the Holocaust, we must continue humanitarian aid to the citizens of Ukraine suffering from the war and pray for its end to come soon.

- Yuval Steinitz, a Likud MK, responding to Ukrainian President Zelensky comparing the war in Ukraine to the Holocaust when he spoke to the Knesset via Zoom

Let’s be very clear— what Josh Hawley is doing when he tries to do this is he’s trying to get her killed. He is trying to get violence done against a Supreme Court nominee.

- African American commentator Elie Mystal on MSNBC positing that by bringing up Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson’s judicial record, Sen. Josh Hawley, R-Mo., was “trying to get her killed”

The governor and I, and we were all doing a tour of the library here, and talking about the significance of the passage of time. The significance of the passage of time, right? The significance of the passage of time. So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time in terms of what we need to do to lay these wires — what we need to do to create these jobs.

- Vice President Harris speaking in Louisiana about affordable and accessible high-speed internet