18
Federation Star
JEWISH INTEREST
July/August 2022
Kvetching – Is there an upside to voicing our complaints? Aging Jewishly — What our traditions tell us about growing old By Rabbi Barbara Aiello
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implies complaining on stee’s at it again,” roids and many share Harry’s whispered Harry opinion of Bernie. Kvetching as he grabbed can be hard to take. his friend’s shoulder in an attempt to steer him away Maybe so but, according to Jules Kourelakos, jourfrom Bernie, a colleague nalist for Duke University’s who was “holding court” Chronicle (11/29/21), there in front of the shul. Harry’s is an often-forgotten upside friend caught on immediately. “Thanks for the tip. to the bad rap kvetching has endured. In a recent article, Let’s sneak in the side door. That way, we don’t have to lis“The Lost Art of Kvetching,” Rabbi Barbara Kourelakos notes that comten to Bernie complain. He’s Aiello a great guy but sometimes the plaining can make our lives “kvetching gets to me.” more bearable in several important ways: kvetching builds self-awareness, kvetchLinguists tell us that the word “keving is cathartic and kvetching improves tch,” derives from the Yiddish word “kvetcommunal relationships. shn,” which literally means “to squeeze” or to “press,” and is related to the German Really? Kourelakos, whose article is informed by his own Jewish upbringing, word “quetsche,” which implies urgency reminds us that when we acknowledge and insistence. For most of us, kvetching
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that we have time to spend complaining valves.” Or, as New York Times critic about the little things, it is our kvetching William Grimes puts it, “Judaism is that offers us a self-aware reminder that defined by exile, and exile without com“our lives are actually pretty decent in the plaint is tourism.” grand scheme of things.” Rabbi Avtzon notes that our kvetching It is cathartic, says Kourelakos, because in the desert was a kind of “emotional kvetching allows us to take our daily troubypass surgery” that allowed former slaves bles and “expel them from our minds,” to feel human once again. often breaking the cycle of festered resentIn modern life, Harry and his friend, ment. Think “journaling,” which often Bernie, the kvetcher, demonstrate our qualifies as kvetching on paper. proclivity toward complaining, but it T h e n t h e r e ’s still begs the queskvetching as a relation, why do we Jews tionship builder, so much? Kvetching is cathartic, says kvetch often creating a comRabbi Levi Avtzon Kourelakos, because it munal response — offers one answer one person gripes allows us to take our daily when he reminds and the other offers us that, historically troubles and “expel them speaking, “Life for reassurance; “Things aren’t so bad….” Jews has been so from our minds.” Kourelakos puts it difficult and overwell when he writes, whelming, and often “Then the roles reverse, the reassurer we couldn’t do anything concrete about becoming the kvetcher, confident they our troubles. Yet we made sure to keep our will be given the same empathetic treathearts open, to not fall into the abyss of ment. Through this intricate dance, a depression or allow our hearts to turn to bond of shared understanding and loyalty stone. We kvetched to keep our emotions is formed.” flowing. Kvetching has been our national Some rabbis, like Chabad.org’s Levi safety net against emotional death.” Avtzon (5/27/22), agree and base the Wholesale kvetching, indeed, has its defense of kvetching on Torah itself. Avtdownside and sages agree that it is hardly zon emphasizes, “If you think you have a mitzvah to constantly kvetch; however, heard it all, check out the Torah portions for a significant number of our rabbinic of Behaalotecha, Shelach, Korach and sages, the benefits of carefully articulated Chukat. First, the Israelites bemoan their complaints can’t be denied. After all, it’s lengthy travels in the desert. Then there’s the “squeaky wheel that gets the grease.” a sob story about the manna.” Next, is And that squeak? More often than not, it the ear-beating brought by the spies’ false comes from a kvetcher. report followed by the Kvetcher in Chief, For 10 years, Rabbi Barbara Aiello Korach, who organizes fellow kvetchers to served the Aviva Campus for Senior rebel. It seems like it never stops. Life (Sarasota, FL) as resident rabbi. So, what is Torah’s answer to unrelentHer most popular columns are now ing kvetching? Is there an upside? Rabbi published in her new book, “Aging Avtzon believes there is. “Kvetching is Jewishly,” available on Amazon books. one step up from slavery. A slave cannot Rabbi Barbara now lives and works in kvetch because of fear of the whip. More Italy, where she is rabbi of Italy’s first importantly, the slave mentality breeds Reconstructionist synagogue. Contact her at apathy and a clogging of the emotional Rabbi@RabbiBarbara.com.
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