A drawer-full of memories and so much more

Aging Jewishly – What our traditions teach us about growing old

By Rabbi Barbara Aiello

Have any of us ever been collectors? Stamps? Baseball cards? Crystal? Coins? Shoes?

During the late 1700s and into the next century, aristocratic collectors roamed the world in search of fossils, shells, zoological specimens, rare books and works of art. They kept their collections in special rooms called “cabinets of curiosities” and, on occasion, they would offer a private viewing of them to professional colleagues and friends.

These collectors included many Jewish families who amassed vast collections of paintings and sculptures, then shared their collections with their fellow citizens. The generosity and the civic-minded spirit of these Jewish families led to the formation of the very first museums in Europe.

So, if we’ve ever collected something, we are in good company — especially because many of us have collected a very common Jewish item. Our drawers are fi lled with them and every year, we get a few more to add to our kippah or yarmulke collection.

Kippah or yarmulke? Which is correct? Both are. Kippah is a Hebrew word and yarmulke is a Yiddish word that comes from the Hebrew. Kippah means “dome,” and it originates from the evolution of the Jewish head covering that morphed into a little circular “dome” that we place on the top of our heads.

The word yarmulke is more complex. It is made up of two Hebrew words, “Yareh Malka,” that translates to “awe of the throne.” The Yareh Malka originated from the concept that we should wear a head covering to remind us of how important and how special it is to be in the presence of God. From there, the word evolved from “Yareh Malka” into the Yiddish, yarmulke!

Whether you say kippah or yarmulke, there is one thing we can agree on — when we get them, it’s almost impossible to let them go.

Psychologists offer insight into why people collect things. Kim A. Herzinger, an award-winning author and avid collector, says, “Collecting is a way to relieve a basic sense of incompletion but collecting is also a passion that allows us to live in another world for a while.”

“The collector is engaged in a kind of worship and often experiences a sensory transcendence that we most closely associate with religion or love. And, like religion or love, maintaining a collection is a kind of security against uncertainty and loss,” Herzinger continues.

Psychologist Werner Muensterberger wrote about the subject in his book, titled “Collecting: An Unruly Passion.” He says that holding on to a collection is a kind of antidote to those times when we feel vulnerable or lonely. We collect to preserve the past and it is this sense of completion that many of us feel when we open the drawer and see all our kipot inside. That’s because it’s not just the item but what that item means to us that’s so important.

Like the psychologists say, our yarmulke collection is a tangible way for us to preserve the past — a past that is rich with simcha after simcha after simcha; a past that evokes beautiful memories of the most important people in our lives.

Psychologists and sociologists tell us that it is the sense of completion that is the one thing that compels people to hold on to things like our yarmulkes. And I think they’re on to something.

Reaching in and touching a kippah, placing it in our hands, reading the inscription, recalling the simcha and, maybe most important of all, reliving a cherished relationship, gives us a sense of what our rabbis were talking about in their New Year sermons. “Teshuvah” means “return.” We can do “teshuvah” by returning to the sweet times of our lives — the holidays, the simchas and the joys.

Scientists and sociologists seem to be telling us that the yarmulkes we hang on to are so much more than random keepsakes. Our yarmulkes remind us that life consists of history, family and faith. We can turn isolation and sadness into serenity and gratitude just by opening a drawer.

For 10 years, Rabbi Barbara Aiello served the Aviva Campus for Senior Life (Sarasota, FL) as resident rabbi. Her most popular columns are now published in her new book, “Aging Jewishly,” available on Amazon books. Rabbi Barbara now lives and works in Italy, where she is rabbi of Italy’s first Reconstructionist synagogue. Contact her at Rabbi@ RabbiBarbara.com.