HealthyLife March 2013

body. mind. spirit. march 2013

Sodium The salty secret

Sleek,

SEXY

arms

for summer

Living in a

CUBICLE WORLD

✽ PLUS •A dult children and stepparents •T o brush… or not?

•Y our pancreas: an owner’s manual •A yurvedic medicine?

•a nd MORE!

Taking care of the

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march ’13 body 24 Bye, Bye Flabby Arms Sleek and sexy — it’s in every woman’s grasp

28 If the Shoe Fits

Get off on the right foot in your exercise routine

34 Inside the Tuscan Sun Cookbook

Cooking the Italian way with Frances and Edward Mayes

39 Pass the Salt

What everyone should know about sodium intake

47 Life Science

Ayurveda focuses on peace, harmony and balance

50 Love Your Locks

Experts say brushing is still a good way to do it

mind 58 Stuck in a Cubicle

Tips for staying productive despite nosy, noisy neighbors

50

63 A ‘Virtual’ Will?

Consider digital assets as part of estate planning

66 Act Like Adults!

Step relationships can be a challenge — even for grown children

spirit 74 Taking Care of the Girls

A bra that fits will keep you looking and feeling good

78 Grasping for Happiness The key is to want what you have

83 Building Bridges

63

Navigating the waters from estrangement to reconciliation

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74 every issue

New Fairfield

Southbury Brookfield

10 contributors’ page 12 what’s on the web

Danbury

Newtown

14 editor’s note

Bethel

16 news and views 20 fit and fab

86 Cover credits: Clothing and accessories provided by Saks Fifth Avenue, Stamford. Hair styling and makeup by the Christopher Noland Salon & Beauty Spa, Greenwich. Cover and inside model photographs taken at The Avon Theatre, Stamford. Photo by Krista Hicks Benson.

Redding

Ridgefield

33 did you know?

Georgetown

43 your body: an owner’s manual

Wilton

Pancreas

57 ask emma

Why so many women find domination intriguing

Oxford

Easton Weston

New Canaan

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73 my word essay

Stuff my sisters say

86 cover model Q&A

Up close with Adrian “Penny” Curtis

90 East Ridge | Ridgefield, Connecticut | 203.438.5555 ridgefieldvna.org | Follow us on Facebook Staff Drop-in Site: 385 Main Street South | Southbury, Connecticut 203.264.3250

talk back

The story behind the story from our contributors Getting those sexy arms

Brushing up Melinda McGarty Webb  I had never heard of a boar bristle brush before I wrote this story. In fact, I had to have the stylist with whom I spoke repeat what he was saying because I thought he was saying “board bristle” at first. But once I heard the rave reviews, I decided to buy one. I just ordered one online, so we’ll see what happens. To read Melinda’s story turn to page 50.

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Finding the right fit

“Don’t go for the hype.”

Beth Cooney  Unless you play racket sports or run, there’s not much a good pair of cross-trainers can’t do for you. Although writing this story may have temporarily cured me of digging for bargains during my semi-annual outlet trips. My next pair of sneakers will be professionally fit by someone who really gets feet and shoes. See Beth’s story on page 28.

Elizabeth Keyser  There was a point in almost every interview I did (for the rebuilding bridges story) where someone said something that was so moving, it brought tears to my eyes. So many of us are estranged from family (and/or friends) and just don’t know how to fix it. The experts I interviewed provided much needed illumination on how rifts happen and how we can try to mend our relationships. Elizabeth’s story is on page 83.

All about ayurveda

Salty news Sandra Diamond Fox  I had no idea a single packet of dehydrated onion soup mix has 3,132 mg of salt (more than a whole day’s recommended dose). I use this in so many meals and will have to look into replacing it with a product that contains less sodium. To learn more about sodium, read Sandra’s story on page 39.

Valerie Foster  I learned so much reporting the ayurveda story, but most importantly, I finally learned how to pronounce it: I-your-veda. So now I can talk about this interesting life science of the body, mind, spirit and soul without destroying its name. I really do feel so much smarter! See page 47 for Val’s story.

We asked, you answered!  My secret to beating the winter blues is...

Also, a good workout moving snow on the driveway! lol

 The makeup I absolutely CANNOT live without is...

Natalie: Planning a

Pina: I love my winter

Pina: my lipstick

vacation, bundling up and enjoying the snow, buying new running shoes for spring and breaking them in on the treadmill now, and drinking tea until my head pops off!

Patricia: Working on photos taken during the Spring/Summer and Fall.

wardrobe...boots... beautiful scarves and sweaters. I remind myself that in a few months it’s going to be HOT and these clothes are getting packed away so getting dressed up in them helps with the mood alot.

Patti: A great workout....

Lisa: Under eye concealer and lots of it!

Photo: Lipstick, Krista Hicks Benson.

Lee Nelson  It’s all about perseverance, hard work and weights, weights and more weights. Sexy arms take a lot of dedication. I hate lifting weights. But I might just throw them into my exercise mix again since these sagging arms will be coming from beyond the long sleeves before too long. Find Lee’s story on page 24.

Finding a way to reconcile

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BLOG Marathon Mom Follow local mom of four, Sandra Diamond Fox, as she goes through an 18-week training plan for her first-ever marathon.

HealthyLife cover model Adrian “Penny” Curtis tries on clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue in Stamford, with the help of sales consultant Allison Gourlay, to pick the outfits she’ll wear during the March cover shoot. Follow Adrian through her day in the spotlight and see extra pictures from the shoot at Stamford’s Avon Theatre on our website.

THE ITALIAN ➺ WAY OF LIFE Go to our website for the recipe, Baked Pasta with Sausage and Four Cheeses, from the The Tuscan Sun Cookbook: Recipes from Our Italian Kitchen, by Frances Mayes and Edward Mayes.

➺ ALL ABOUT WAXING

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COMMUNICATION ➺ IN TODAY’S WORLD When was the last time you wrote an actual letter? Read why you should — and why the art of communication is still important — on our website.

TONE ➺ UP THOSE ARMS!

From your brows to your lower bod, get the 411 on hair removal.

Plus, want to know what waxing feels like firsthand? Check out our writer’s experience.

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healthylife

See a video on exercises that will help tone those arms and have them looking sexy by summer.

Photos: Adrian “Penny” Curtis, © Krista Hicks Benson; Baked pasta, Courtesy of Steven Rothfeld; Waxing, © iStockphoto.com/Mats Persson; Sneakers, © Blasbike/Dreamstime.com; Woman lifting weights, © Stockyimages/Dreamstime.com.

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editor’s note

Fitness choice? Arm yourself with the right info

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healthylife

Photo: Krista Hicks Benson

A

re you as confused as I am when it’s time to buy a new pair of sneakers? The choices are endless. And often I’m sidetracked by the color combinations, paying more attention to that, sometimes, than the actual features of the shoe!

Mostly I power walk; occasionally I add some running (slow jogging, really). But I also want the option of doing a fitness class if the opportunity arises. Does this mean I need more than one pair of sneakers in my closet?

Generally I’ve bought running shoes, simply because they tend to be lighter and more flexible.

Plus, the walking shoes seemed clunky and not as attractive, as sneakers go. But when I developed plantar fasciitis, my sneaker choice became much more important. My orthopedic specialist told me my running shoes were inadequate — terrible, actually. They were too flexible, she said, adding that shoes with proper support shouldn’t have soles able to bend in every direction.

So with her recommendation, I found a pair of running shoes that work — especially because I replaced the insole with my custom orthotics. No more issues with plantar fasciitis.

But I’m due for a new pair of sneakers. At least now I can look intelligently. Armed with info from my doc and our story on page 28, I think I can safely make my way through the rows and rows of sneaker choices. Or maybe I’ll pop into one of the local stores our experts recommend, where I can get knowledgeable personal attention and advice. That way I know I’m making the right choice and getting the right fit.

Speaking of the right fit, we were a little off in two of our February stories. Lena Minervino, coordinator of health sciences at the University of Bridgeport and owner of Simply Fit Fairfield, should have been attributed to some of the quotes and information in our story on incidental exercise. And Dr. Mitchell Prywes, founder of The Center for Pain Rehabilitation in Danbury, practices integrative pain management. Our apologies to both for the errors.

We love to hear from you, our readers. Tell us how we’re doing. Send me an e-mail (rhaynes@hearstmediact.com) with your thoughts or ideas. And visit our website, healthylifect.com, to sign up for free home delivery if you’re not already getting the magazine.

We’re also on Facebook (facebook.com/healthylifectmag), and encourage you to join us. Answer one of our daily questions and you might win a prize.

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news and views — compiled by beth cooney

Senior Slumber PUT ALL THOSE STEREOTYPES

about seniors crawling under the covers at dusk and puttering around the house drinking warm milk in the middle of the night to rest. Most members of the Social Security set get plenty of ZZZs and manage to sleep through the night just fine thank you, according to new research.

It’s been a commonly held belief that many mature adults begin to struggle with insomnia as they age, leading them to be drowsy by day and prone to early bedtimes. But researchers at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, who studied a fairly large sample of 1,200 adults, found more than 75 percent of them normally get eight hours of sleep a night. The study group also slumbered between the normally expected hours of 11 p.m. and 7:30

a.m.

While they may not be watching the Late Show with David Letterman, researchers suggest this is yet another positive sign of the impact healthy aging can have on overall life quality.

“Our findings suggest that in matters regarding sleep and sleepiness, as in many other aspects of life, most seniors today are doing better than is generally thought,” Timothy Monk, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, says in a news release. “The stereotype of most seniors going to bed at 8 p.m., sleeping very lightly and being unduly sleepy during the day may be quite inaccurate, suggesting that 60 really is

the new 40. The takeaway for older adults is that if you can keep yourself healthy and avoid or treat age-related diseases and disorders, then you’ll be able to sleep like a younger adult.”

Meanwhile, the researcher noted that adults with sleep disorders may have underlying medical issues which, with proper treatment, may have them resting easier (and longer) too. source: tinyurl.com/march13sleep

Protect Your Knees (In Moderation) WE’VE ALL HEARD THE EXPRESSION “everything in moderation.”

And when it comes to protecting aging knees from painful, degenerative osteoarthritis, intriguing new research suggests too much or too little activity can play a role in wear and tear on the joint.

A new study found that both sedentary living and rigorous exercise can be culprits in the condition.

The researchers further suggested patients at high familial risk of developing osteoarthritis might want to refrain from high-impact activities (such as running and tennis) and instead stick with less pounding workouts such as swimming and walking.

Conversely, the less fit may also want to get off the couch.

Researchers at the University of California at San Francisco based their findings after examining a group of middle-aged patients enrolled in its Osteoarthritis Initiative. After

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studying the MRIs of a large group of patients, they found the most wear in the knees of the most active and most sedentary of the bunch. While the active group makes sense — we all know that vigorous exercise can take a toll on the joints — the sedentary crowd was a bit of a surprise.

Some amount of movement is necessary to keep the knee properly lubricated, which may explain the relationship between low activity and wear, explains Dr. Thomas M. Link, one of the researchers and a professor of radiology at UCSF. The findings suggest there may be an optimal level of physical activity to preserve the knee cartilage.

The findings were presented in a press conference late last year at the Radiological Society of North America’s National Assembly and Meeting. source: tinyurl.com/march13knees

Photos: Dreamstime.com; Pillow, © Angelo Gilardelli; Woman with laptop, © Marcio Eugenio; Veggies, © Johanna Goodyear; Pregnant woman, © Sam74100.

Cut THE FAT

BACK IN THE ’90S the vogue diet-of-the-moment involved zealously counting fat grams to stay slim. The craze resulted in a plethora of low-fat and fat-free foods we now see on supermarket shelves.

Eventually, though, dieters were drawn to new crazes, including cutting carbohydrates and binging on lean protein. Fat became less of a dirty diet word.

Now, researchers in Britain have ...consuming low-fat taken a second look dairy products, at cutting dietary fat and concluded, once trimming fat from again, it’s a relatively meat and avoiding simple way to lose processed, junky weight, cut cholesterol and improve a baked goods could person’s overall health all play a role in profile. Indeed, when researchers looked at helping maintain a a large sampling of healthy weight. men, women and children who were asked to cut back on their fat intake (but not otherwise diet or restrict calories) the group lost weight, lowered BMI and also slightly reduced waist circumference.

The researchers, who reported their findings recently in the journal BMJ, suggest that consuming low-fat dairy products, trimming fat from meat and avoiding processed, junky baked goods could all play a role in helping maintain a healthy weight.

And consider how beneficial these cut-the-fat changes might be if you just have a few stubborn pounds to lose.

BREAST CANCER PREVENTION may begin at the farm stand and in the produce department. Researchers say they believe there’s proof that women with high levels of micronutrients that are plentiful in certain fruits and vegetables seem to have a reduced risk of breast cancer.

High levels of carotenoids, micronutrients found in tomatoes, spinach, kale, carrots, bell peppers and other fruits and vegetables, are associated with a reduced risk of breast cancer, according to the study conducted by researchers at Boston’s Brigham & Women’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School. The researchers analyzed the data in 12 other studies related to carotenoids and breast cancer to come to their conclusion, which was reported recently in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute.

These micronutrients appear to be particularly helpful in preventing breast cancers that are not estrogen dependent, the researchers note.

And besides this good news for anyone interested in lowering their breast cancer risk, researchers note there are plenty of other good-for-you reasons to pile your plate with fruits and veggies.

source: tinyurl.com/march13fat

source: tinyurl.com/march13veggies

The Carotenoid Cure

Why It’s Smart To Quit YET ANOTHER CHAPTER in the mammoth and irrefutable body of evidence on the harms of smoking comes from new research on the relationship between expectant mothers’ cigarette habits and the academic success of their offspring. Yale University researchers have found a demonstrative gap between the reading abilities in the children of women who smoked during their pregnancies and the children of women who refrained from the unhealthy habit.

The Yale researchers found that the children of a large sampling of British women who smoked more than a pack of cigarettes a day during pregnancy struggled with reading comprehension on as-

sessment tests that evaluated their skills as they read aloud.

The researchers say the study suggests a strong relationship between the environmental impacts of smoking on the genetic trait of phonological ability.

“It’s not a little difference — it’s a big difference in accuracy and comprehension at a critical time when children are being assessed and are getting a sense of what it means to be successful,” Dr. Jeffrey Gruen, a professor of genetics and pediatrics at Yale says in a university news release.

The findings were published recently in the journal Pediatrics. source: tinyurl.com/march13smokes continued on page 18

healthylifect.com

17

news and views continued from page 17

Cell Phone

ADDICTS

DO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY complain about your

constant attention to your iPhone apps, or nonstop jabbering on your cell? Well, it turns out you may have an addiction to communication technology, a dependency that researchers suggest is attributed to, ahem, flashy materialism and a need to project self-importance.

Researchers at Baylor and Seton Hall universities collaborated on a recent study that looked at the impulsive technology habits of a large sampling of col-

lege students. They analyzed data that looked at how much they used their phones (to chat, check texts or send e-mail, etc.) and found the students who rated themselves the most impulsive and materialistic on a selfassessment of personality traits were the same students who used their phones most. (Indeed, these self-inflated types used their phones a lot more.)

The study was reported recently in the Journal of Behavioral Addiction. source: tinyurl.com/march13phone

Autistic Minds Show Causal Clues

The Lancet, looked at a large group of depressed adults to see how they responded to a variety of treatment options.

Cognitive therapy is also different from traditional talk therapy, where patients often reflect how they are feeling about certain experiences and situations.

People receiving cognitive therapy were also more likely not to have their depressive symptoms return, noted the researchers, who suggested this may be an excellent option for depressed individuals and clinicians seeking long-term results for their patients.

TWO NEW STUDIES that look closely at the brains of adult men with autism are lending more credence to the theory that skyrocketing rates of the developmental disorder are related to some kind of immunological neurological response.

Scientists used MRI and PET scans to study the brains of men with the neurological disorder that is characterized by challenges with social interaction, relationships and communication, as well as repetitive behavioral patterns and interests. British researchers found different cortical thickness in the frontal lobes of brains with autistic men; while the Japanese researchers found evidence that the brains of its autistic subjects had suffered some kind of injury from an immunological response or stimulus.

Both sets of researchers say their findings prompt the need for more detailed examination of the possible links with the syndrome, which is now considered a global health epidemic.

The findings of both research teams were reported recently in the Archives of General Psychiatry.

source: tinyurl.com/march13depressed

source: tinyurl.com/march13autism

The Cognitive Cure ANTIDEPRESSANTS ARE NOT A CURE-ALL for every person suffer-

ing from a mood disorder. And now a new study out of Britain suggests that when prescription medications fail to alleviate a patient’s symptoms, intensive cognitive therapy may prove extremely beneficial.

Participating in 12 to 18 cognitive therapy sessions — a method of therapy where patients take responsibility for their emotions and focus on changing their attitude — more than doubled the diminishment of depressive symptoms than patients taking antidepressants alone, researchers note.

The study, which was recently reported in the British medical journal

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Mood Altering Beverages

Photos: Dreamstime.com; Women on cell phone, © Imageegami; Coffee, © Adolfolazo, Couch, © Kettaphoto; Pills, © iStockphoto.com/Brosa.

THE DEBATE on the merits of

artificially sweetened sodas has, until now, centered largely on whether they are a dieter’s friend or foe. But a new study suggests there may be yet another reason to avoid them, particularly as we advance in age. Heavy diet soda drinkers seem to have higher rates of depression than those who go without. Meanwhile, coffee may actually be a mood enhancer.

Research released at the recent American College of Neurology’s annual convention revealed higher rates of depression in seniors who were heavy diet soda drinkers and significantly lower rates in java fans. The study, which was a fairly comprehensive look at the beverage consumption of more than a quarter-million middle-aged Americans and seniors ages 50 to 71, studied their non-alcoholic drinking habits for more than a year.

The researchers found that people who drank four or more diet beverages a day were 30 percent more likely than their abstaining

co u nte rparts to suffer f r o m depress i o n , w h i l e coffee drinkers were 10 percent more likely to not suffer from depression than their coffee-abstaining peers.

“Our research suggests that cutting out or down on sweetened diet drinks or replacing them with unsweetened coffee may naturally help lower your depression risk,” says study author Dr. Honglei Chen, of the National Institutes of Health in Research Triangle Park in North Carolina. “More research is needed to confirm these findings, and people with depression should continue to take depression medications prescribed by their doctors.” source: tinyurl.com/ march13dietsoda

Toss the Vitamins?

IT MAY SOUND a bit like nutritional sacrilege to many a vitaminpopping American, but a new study suggests as a culture we’ve overdosed on nutritional supplements.

Indeed, Emory University researcher Donald P. McCormick implies in his new study that the majority of people could eliminate their need for vitamins by just eating a healthier diet.

He also disagrees with some recent research, which suggests older adults need to take two multivitamins a day to meet their nutritional needs.

McCormick analyzed 12 current studies on vitamin deficiencies in older adults and, with a few exceptions, found taking supplements is unnecessary. For example, he notes most seniors don’t need to take extra vitamins unless they have medical issues that affect how they absorb, metabolize or swallow food. The findings were reported recently in the journal Advances in Nutrition. source: tinyurl.com/march13vitamins

Danger Seats MORE THAN 35 YEARS after toxic, flame-

retardant chemicals were banned from children’s sleepwear, researchers have found they are still prevalent in the couches of many American living rooms.

In fact, researchers at Duke University and the University of California at Berkeley say they found the chlorinated carcinogenic flame retardant chemical Tris (TDCPP) in some 41 percent of the couches they analyzed as part of their research. Over-

all, some 85 percent of the couches they examined contained traces of chemical flame retardants that were known to be toxic or to have suspect health effects.

“Sadly enough, many Americans now have increased cancer risks from the Tris in their furniture,” Dr. Arlene Blum, executive director of the Green Science Policy Institute, says in a UCBerkeley press release.

The chemicals can move from foam into household dust, affecting pets and mak-

ing small children, who often crawl and put their hands in their mouths, especially vulnerable, researchers say.

Meanwhile, furniture industry representatives responded that their industry has been caught between pressure to make products that are flame-retardant as well as free of toxins.

The researchers’ findings were reported recently in the journal Environmental Science and Technology. source: tinyurl.com/ march13couches

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An apple a day really does keep the doctor away.

Apples are rich in fiber, antioxidants, folate and vitamin E. They also contain a flavonoid called quercetin that protects the brain.

body Say Goodbye to Flabby Arms 24 Did You Know? 33

The Right Sneaker 28

Italian Cooking 34

The Science of Ayurveda 47

Sodium Intake 39

Love Your Locks 50

exercise

Bye, Bye

Bingo Wings sleek, sexy arms are in every woman’s grasp by lee nelson | photos by tyler murphy

L

inda Stephens’ husband laughs at her because she wears sleeveless clothing year-round. “I’m not hiding these arms. I can suck it up if I get cold. I work hard to have these arms,” says the personal trainer and nutrition consultant at Infinity Fitness Gym in Darien.

When she goes out with her girlfriends, men sometimes challenger her to an arm-wrestling match, she says. Women, meanwhile, look at her with envy — and wonder how they can get arms they want to show off as well. That’s because women may disagree about which change as we age is worse, gray hair or wrinkles, but on this point most women agree: Flabby arms are a nightmare.

The good news is that flabby arms — aka bingo wings or chicken wings — are one of the few changes to your aging body that you absolutely can control. All it takes is dedication and exercise.

“It is definitely possible to firm them up,” Stephens says.

“It is important for women to keep certain muscle tone to their bodies not only for their mental health and how they feel about themselves, but for bone density. We lose calcium all the time. But weight-bearing exercises do a world of good for women. I love to preach to people that you got to pick up the weights.”

For women building muscle, in general, it can be more difficult than for men. “It takes a good diet and a good exercise program. It will take time to build it, but you have to be consistent. You have to be in the gym three or four times a week and working at your body,” Stephens says.

While flabby arms are increasingly obvious as women age, bingo wings can appear at any age, says JJ Virgin, nutrition and fitness expert and author of the book, Six Weeks to Sleeveless and Sexy. The Californian has successfully coached Hollywood elite, rock stars and Olympians.

“While saggy skin definitely contributes to the overall

24

healthylife

Eating Right Counts Too

Photo on left: © iStockphoto.com/Justin Horrocks.

picture as we age, poor muscle tone and excess fat are age independent,” she writes in an e-mail. “Fat placement has a lot to do with genetics.

But while genes load the gun, lifestyle pulls the trigger.”

Experts say it’s not just the number of reps you do that will give you defined arms. It’s also about what you put in your mouth. “The first step is what is going in your mouth; (that) will be what the output is in the gym,” says trainer Max Berry. “You cannot outtrain a bad diet. Without being more accountable for the calories, you won’t see any results no matter how much you work out.”

In her book, Six Weeks to Sleeveless and Sexy, author JJ Virgin advocates a no-fuss approach to eating that increases energy, helps build muscle and helps eliminate dieting for good. She not only believes in eating the right foods but in eating them at the right time. Virgin’s Rules of Meal Timing include:

bulk up to that extent.

Virgin recommends skipping the little weights and long reps, and instead picking up the heaviest weights you can handle in good form. FoE ating a substantial breakfast within an hour cus on multiple sets of 10. of waking up.

“You can transform your WHERE TO BEGIN S topping eating three hours before bed. arms. How long it takes If you want to wear strapdepends on your starting E ating every four to six hours. less or sleeveless dresses and point, but you can make a She focuses her plan on lean protein, healthful fats, shirts when the weather gets major shift in six weeks,” she non-starchy vegetables with a rainbow of colors and warmer, the time to start is writes. “Multi-joint exercise high-fiber, low-glycemic-index carbohydrates. Getnow. helps the best, such as pushting the sugar out of your diet is important, too.

Max Berry says women ups, pull-ups, bent-over rows, “Before you pick up a fork, remember that, even usually come to him for help with healthy foods, too much of a good thing turns it and dips.” into a bad thing. If you consume too many calories, in two areas — their abs and Berry keeps his clients on they have to go somewhere, and unfortunately, that their arms. As head trainer their feet 90 percent of the usually means into those pesky fat cells in your gut, and fitness director at Sport time. “Machines don’t build butt, thighs or arms,” she writes in an e-mail. & Wellness in Danbury, he functional strength. You don’t works with about 50 women use your core on machines,” each week to help them imhe says. prove their health, body and mind.

He integrates several kinds of “There’s no point to press weights less than your purse. exercises into a routine to sculpt sexy arms, including using That’s just a waste of time,” he says. “Most women try to do kettlebells and other objects in the gym besides dumbbells to lighter weights like at 5 pounds overhead. That’s not going just change things up. “The swing and momentum of kettleto do it.” bells lengthens the arms out and adds flexibility,” Berry says.

If your flabby arms keep waving long after you’ve stopped, “You just need to keep challenging yourself. When things get it’s time to tone up the triceps muscles that keep it all firm easy, do something different.” and in place. You also need to burn fat overall with regular Women should focus on the upper back, shoulders and aerobics to uncover those muscles that are hiding, he says. chest to help their arms become shapelier and contoured.

Women naturally store fat in their upper arms just as they When lifting weights, you typically do two sets of each exerdo in their hips and thighs. It becomes a trouble spot, though, cise with 10 to 15 repetitions, Stephens says. Start out with 8when that part of the arm is not incorporated into a woman’s to 10-pound dumbbells. If the 8-pound weights feel too light, exercise plan, says Stephens. go up and continue going up as you progress.

“You can’t spot reduce. I hear women say they want to lose Berry says a push-up can be the best way to get amazing weight on their butt. It doesn’t work that way,” she says. “It’s arms. “Hands down, push-ups can transform your arms,” he about consistency. A lot of women like taking exercise classsays. “Start with doing a push-up on the wall or coffee table. es. I see women on treadmills for hours and taking classes Then start working yourself down. If you can do 10 to 15 easover and over again. Those are great things to do. But if you ily with your hands, then keep going down. Keep challenging really want to change your arms, you really need to pick up the body.” the weights and work hard.”

His best advice is to not stop when you think you can’t do She admits it’s not easy. “But when I get compliments on another one. “That’s where a personal trainer can truly help. my arms, it feels good. I lift heavy weights, I sweat and it hurts.

We will keep you going to the next couple of repetitions,” he I get through it, and the benefits are worth it,” Stephens says. says. “That’s when your muscle starts to change.”

Many women worry — erroneously — that using weights will make them bulk up like a man. The reality is that it see exercises on page 26 would take a lot heavier weights and a lot more repetitions to

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25

exercise continued from page 25

Exercises from Linda Stephens, personal trainer and nutrition consultant at Infinity Fitness Gym, Darien.

 SHOULDER PRESS 1. Stand or sit upright, with your back straight, on a bench. (seated is recommended for beginners) 2. Grasp dumbbells with an overhand grip. (begin with 5-8 pound dumbbells in each hand) 3. To begin the movement, press the dumbbells simultaneously straight upward and slightly toward each other.

4. Continue movement until elbows are fully extended overhead.

5. Lower the dumbbells under control, until dumbbells are at shoulder level.

6. Repeat 10-15x (2 sets).

Exercises demonstrated

by Erin Constantino.

 TRICEP TWO-HANDED OVERHEAD EXTENSION 1. Sit on a bench or stability ball 2. Take a dumbbell in two hands and bring it back behind your head 3. Elbows are bent and the move is to extend your arms straight up over your head and then back down to a 90-degree angle 4. 3-4 sets of 10-12 repetitions is good.

 Want to learn more? Watch our video that shows a few great arm exercises at www.healthylifect.com.

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healthylife

BICEP CURLS

1. Pick up the appropriate weight in dumbbells 2. Standing up, palms should face the side of the thigh 3. Curl the dumbbells up so that the palms are now facing up 4. Bring the dumbbells back down so you are in the starting position 5. 3-4 sets of 10-12 reps

Exercises from ACE The American Council on Exercise (ACE), the world’s largest nonprofit fitness certification, education and training organization, recently studied the effectiveness of eight triceps exercises commonly used by people trying to sculpt and tone their arms. They found that triangle push-ups and triceps kickbacks registered the highest levels of muscle activation. According to ACE, here’s how to perform the top two exercises for sexy arms:

TRIANGLE PUSHUP  1. Position hands directly under the chest with fingers spread and the thumbs and forefingers touching, making a triangular shape.

chest touches the mat.

If you can’t go that low, go as low as you can and work to build enough strength to lower all the way down over time.

2. Straighten legs into a plank position or keep the knees on the floor for an easier version.

4. At the bottom of the movement, your elbows will naturally flare out to the side.

3. Make sure the back is flat and abs are engaged as you bend the elbows, lowing until your chin or

5. Press back to start, keeping the torso rigid and repeat for 1-3 sets of 8-16 repetitions.

 DUMBBELL TRICEPS KICKBACK 1. Hold a dumbbell in your left hand.

Stand with right leg forward and weight evenly distributed through the heels of both feet. Brace your abdominal and core muscles to stabilize the spine. Place right hand on right thigh. Slowly lean forward, shifting most of your upper extremity body weight into

the right side. Pull your shoulder blades down and back. Your head should be aligned with your spine.

2. Bend your left elbow bringing your left upper arm parallel to and close to your torso, your forearm should hang vertical to the floor.

3. Exhale and slowly straighten elbow. Your upper arm remains

stationary next to your torso. Don’t allow upper arm to rise during the movement. Don’t allow lower back to sag or torso to rotate.

4. Inhale and slowly bend elbow, returning your arm to starting position. Don’t allow your torso to change positions. Keep upper arm parallel and close to your torso. HL

healthylifect.com

27

shoe

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healthylife

Photos: Left-hand page, clockwise from top, Skechers shoe, Courtesy of Skechers; Large pink sneaker, © Jess Yu/ Dreamstime.com; Saucony sneaker, Courtesy of Saucony; White sneaker, © Blasbike/Dreamstime.com. Righthand page; White and black sneaker, Courtesy of RoadID.com; Five-finger shoe, © Krista Hicks Benson.

your workout

If the

fits get off on the right foot in your exercise routine by beth cooney

W

ant to step up your workouts? Having the right footwear is essential, experts say.

But deciding what kind of kicks to wear when you head to the gym can be utterly confusing in this era of sneaker specialization and intense athletic footwear marketing.

These days there are sneakers manufactured and sold for virtually every fitness modality: spinning and zumba, walking and running, toning and just hanging out. Which sneakers to choose can seem confusing, particularly if you play it smart and mix up your fitness routine. Buy something to coordinate with a varied workout repertoire and you could, in theory, end up with a closet just for sneakers.

While it’s critical to slip on safe, supportive athletic footwear, it’s probably not necessary to have a special sneaker for everything you do, experts say. “Especially when you consider that so much of this is about marketing,” says Dr. F. Scott Gray, a foot and ankle specialist affiliated with Connecticut Family Orthopedists and Danbury Foot & Ankle.

Take sneakers marketed specifically to women: Do we ladies really need special shoes designed for feminine feet? “Not

really,” says Gray. “There are some variants in the (female foot) but that concept is primarily a marketing one.”

Really, the most important element of any sneaker is that it fits well, is comfortable and offers proper stability for your athletic pursuits, explains Dr. Elle Riazatti, a podiatrist affiliated with Newtown Foot Care Group.

That said there are certain fitness modalities that do demand some differentiation and sports specificity shoes, according to Riazatti and Gray. (Racket sports and running were among the pursuits they mentioned as requiring specially designed sneakers.) While Chalon Lefebvre, a physical therapist affiliated with the Greenwich-based orthopedic specialty group ONS, wears simple cross-training shoes for morning workouts that can include boot camps and group fitness classes, she says she might suggest something more specialized for a patient who’s a trail runner (for traction) or a tennis player (for lateral stability). (See our sidebar on what to wear for your favorite activity.)

When sneakers fail to give you proper support you can pay the price with troubles that range from inflammatory heel and arch pain and sprained ankles to more serious

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29

your workout The most important element of any sneaker is that it fits well, is comfortable and offers proper stability for your athletic pursuits.

What to wear Workout by workout: Foot experts’ tips for what to wear (and what not to wear) on your feet.  Basketball: The high-top ankle support is essential for the unique, fast-paced lateral movements and quick twists and turns of this sport.  Pilates and Yoga: Basic cross-trainers will do, especially since you’ll probably be slipping them off anyway if it’s a mat or barefoot class.  Running: Look for lighter soles “which are important for all the lifting you do with your feet,” says Riazatti.  Stairmasters or Elliptical Trainers: “It’s kind of anything goes,” says Gray of your footwear options. “You need stability, comfort and support, but you could even get away with a tennis shoe.”  Tennis: Special shoes are necessary to accommodate the need for traction and lateral (side-to-side) movement that is so common in the sport. That said, you can get away with tennis shoes for other racket sports such as squash and paddle tennis or racketball, says Gray.  Zumba or Dance Aerobics: While some of our experts suggested workaday cross-trainers are fine for these classes, Riazatti prefers specially designed dance sneakers (they resemble cross-trainers but have added arch support) for the unique up and down arch stressors of dance moves.  Walking: A specialized shoe isn’t really necessary because “the sheer forces of the foot hitting the ground” aren’t as intense as they are with running, says Gray. That said, “crosstrainers are usually fine for walking.” And while our experts all said wearing a running shoe to fitness walk is usually fine, Riazatti notes that serious walkers may “want something a little heavier” than a running shoe. “A good cross-trainer is probably fine,” she says.

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healthylife

conditions such as plantar fasciitis, neuromas, bunions, hammertoes and stress fractures, the experts told HealthyLife. And these footwear-related problems can extend far beyond your tootsies: “Everything changes when your foot hits the ground in that shoe. Overtraining in the wrong shoe or a worn-out shoe can create systematic problems,” explains Lefebvre, adding she treats patients every day who are the victims of footwear-related injuries that range from sore heels to knee and hip problems that can actually be attributed to wearing the wrong or badly worn shoes.

To help keep you putting your best well-shod foot forward, our experts gave us some specific tips for lacing up the right sneakers for your feet, workouts and budget.

Get Personal

Don’t buy into the concept that every workout needs its own shoe. Instead, seek out knowledgeable experts who can assess your needs, measure your feet and get you laced up in the right pair of treads. “I’m a big, big fan of mom and pop running and athletic shoe stores,” says Lefebvre, who finds the personalized service, experience and knowledge base in these smaller ventures a cut above that of big chain and mall-based stores. (Our experts recommended Fairfield County retailers including Kilometers in Ridgefield, the Runner’s Roost in Darien, Hawley Lane shoes in Shelton, Orange, Stamford and Norwalk, Threads and Treads and the Running Company in Greenwich and ASF in Westport.)

And avoid outlet or online shopping for your athletic footwear, advise Gray and Riazatti. While those portals can be a great place to pick up bargains on designer workout togs, it only pays to go discount shopping for your footwear if you’ve found a pair of sneakers you love and get lucky enough to find them on the outlet’s shelves.

“But that’s really the only time you should shop for

sneakers that way,” Gray says.

Also, it’s a good idea to do your sneaker shopping at the end of the day when you’re feet tend be swollen, says Riazatti. Adopting this strategy will keep you from purchasing shoes that can end up being too snug, she explains.

Support Your Sport

Because their feet take a pounding, it’s especially important for runners to understand their personal foot biomechanics when choosing their sneakers, says Lefebvre.

“If you are (running or walking) five miles or more a day, you really want to understand what happens when your foot strikes the ground because that’s a lot of pounding.”

You can learn more about any quirks in your stride and particulars, such as how you pronate, by consulting with a podiatrist or sports medicine specialist. Wear patterns on sneakers and other shoes actually tell a story about your stride and the kind of footwear you may need for proper support, says Lefebvre, so bring a pair of worn shoes along for your consult.

Put Your Shoes on a Replacement Schedule

While how often you need to trade in your sneakers for a new pair can vary a great deal depending on the kind of workout you do there are some rules of thumb. Lefebvre suggests runners or walkers should replace shoes every 400 miles. Jot down your average weekly mileage and calculate how many months that would mean for your personal replacement schedule.

And pay attention to the wear patterns, says Gray. Fraying along the sides of your soles, worn heels and wear in the area of the big toe are sure signs the shoe needs to be replaced, he says.

Photo: © Darren Brode/Dreamstime.com.

Skip the Five Fingers and the Toning Shoes

None of the experts HealthyLife interviewed for this article were fans of the so-called “five finger” style shoes, which resemble gloves that cover the toes. “As a podiatrist I have to say there’s just no support,” says Riazatti.

Gray also worries they expose the feet to injury from road debris including nails and glass that can poke through their relatively thin soles.

As for toning sneakers that promise to sculpt your thighs, calves and buttocks, Riazatti is skeptical. “They try to achieve toning by creating instability, so I worry about them for anyone who doesn’t have great balance,” she warns.

Don’t Forget Socks

Well-padded socks are essential for added support, says Riazatti who recommends blends with some acrylic fibers. While many people assume cotton is better, “a 100 percent cotton sock is more prone to get wet which isn’t great for the feet.”

HL

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fast facts

did you know?

65

About 65 percent of remarriages involve children from a prior marriage.

Photos: Children, © Marzanna Syncerz/Dreamstime.com; Kettlebell, Robert Falcetti; Laptop, © Chromorange/Dreamstime.com.

source: tinyurl.com/hl13step

21

compiled by brianna snyder

300

The humerus bone (aka the funny bone), in your arm is super strong. It can bear up to 300 pounds. source: tinyurl.com/ hl13arm

An international survey conducted by the Boston Consulting Group found that 21 percent of Americans said they’d rather give up sex for a year than the Internet. Compare that to 56 percent of Japanese people surveyed who said they would give up sex for a year if they could keep the Internet. (And only 12 percent of Brazilians were willing to make the tradeoff.) source: tinyurl.com/hl13sexinternet

250

Stefanie Tropea of Punch Kettlebell Gym in Norwalk.

The average human body contains about 250 grams of salt, or half a pound. source: tinyurl.com/hl13salt

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33

cookbook

Inside The

Tuscan Sun Cookbook

cooking the italian way with frances and edward mayes by janet reynolds | photos by steven rothfeld

T

.S. Eliot may have said April is the cruelest month, but he didn’t live in the Northeast in March. Because March in these parts is when winter feels as if it will never — ever — leave. In our minds we know this to be impossible, but in our winter-dreary bones we feel the possibility to our core.

Not surprisingly, it’s a time when many of us not lucky enough to take a jaunt to sunnier, warmer climates fantasize about living in a place where spring has sprung. It is a place without snow. It is a place of fresh food and leisurely lunches on patios surrounded by good friends, followed perhaps by gathering around an outdoor fire as the evening cools. For many of us, one of these fantasies is Tuscany.

It’s one reason why Frances Mayes’ debut memoir, Under the Tuscan Sun, was so wildly successful. (It has over 2.5 million copies in print and was made into a movie starring Diane Lane.) Since we couldn’t live as ex-pats in Tuscany, we willingly jumped into her life.

While chucking it all and moving to Tuscany still is not likely for most of us, we can now cook a la the Tuscans, thanks to Mayes’ new cookbook, The Tuscan Sun Cookbook. Written in collaboration with her husband, Edward, the book features over 150 recipes they’ve gathered in their two decades as honorary Italians.

But the book is more than a cookbook; it’s also a travelogue. Sprinkled among the stunning photographs of food are photographs of Tuscany — the countryside, the people who’ve inspired the Mayes’ culinary journey — as well as wonderful explanations of the ritual of eating. The Mayes also offer detailed tips about what your pantry should always have so you can whip up a Tuscan meal any time, as well as advice on how to buy the best olive oil, the critical ingredient in any meal.

What emerges in this culinary love story is this: Food is not

34

healthylife

Baked Pasta with Sausage and Four Cheeses

just a way to sustain your body in Tuscany; it is a way of life.

Frances wrote a little about that life in an e-mail exchange.

Word of caution: Don’t be near a computer when you’re done, or you may find yourself booking that trip to Tuscany.

What inspired you to turn these recipes into a book?

Tuscans are the most hospitable people on earth. So many friends have shared their kitchens and tables with me. I wanted to pass these easy and tasty recipes on. Of course, Tuscans don’t cook by printed recipes, but by instinct I put it on paper!

Please share a few top tips for people who want to “cook Tuscan” at home in the States.  Beware of Italian recipes that call for lots of ingredients.

Tuscans keep it simple so that flavors speak for themselves.

 Time is the major component of a Tuscan dinner. Because the meal is served in four courses, the ambience of leisure is built into the rhythm of the dinner. Even if the courses are extremely simple, the separation paces you — there’s no eat-and-run, even for a random Wednesday night. A meal is as much about being together as it is about the food.  Tuscans put up food. The jars of tomatoes, the pickled vegetables, jams, and roasted peppers, the packets of dried mushrooms, fennel flowers, hot peppers — these are so handy all winter and are part of the ease of preparing dinner quickly. Have your own prosciutto at the ready — all the pantry staples are just a great boon for the cook.  The number one tip: great olive oil. New, greeny, peppery olive oil is the essence of the Tuscan kitchen. You can find good oil (in the States) but you have to be vigilant. Check for date of harvest and don’t buy it unless it’s fresh. Also, look for exactly where the oil comes from. Just “extra-virgin” can mean almost anything, including that the bottle contains a bit of extra-virgin and the rest canola or something. It’s worth researching.

What are a couple of your favorite recipes and why?

For holidays, I love my husband Ed’s festive pork roast.

It makes an entrance — more like the red silk dress than the little black dress! For casual dinners, sausage and fourcheese baked pasta strikes the right note — hearty and tasty. I have so many favorite pasta recipes that it’s hard to choose, but, over and over, I go to the spaghetti with crab and lemon, and the spaghetti with arugula, pancetta and cream.

They are super fast, a bit unusual, and everyone loves them. The book is crammed with my favorites. Ed and I have made all these recipes for over two decades in our beloved house, Bramasole. continued on page 36

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cookbook: recipe

continued from page 35

To busy Americans who think a leisurely meal is only the stuff of places other than where they live, what advice can you offer about how to take time to savor the food and company?

It’s fun to involve others — friends or family — in the cooking. Set out a plate of antipasti, pour some wine, and give everyone a small task. As suggested before, be sure to serve in courses, not just arrange the main course on a plate with the sides. Even if you’re not having a pasta course, serve the roasted asparagus or sformati or garlic flan as a first course.

It’s lovely to savor tastes separately.

For me, a big part of the pleasure is setting the table.

When the table is inviting, people want to linger. I like place cards for over six, big antique linen napkins, low flowers, lots of candles. Then you can dine like the Tuscans and remain at the table for six hours!

HL

Chicken with Artichokes, Sun-Dried Tomatoes, and Chickpeas serves 6 ingredients 5 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 1 yellow onion, chopped 3 chicken breasts, halved, skin on 1 teaspoon salt 1 /2 teaspoon pepper 1 /2 cup red wine 1 /4 cup chopped flat-leaf parsley 2 cups cooked chickpeas 2 14-ounce cans water-packed artichoke hearts, drained 1 /2 cup sun-dried tomatoes, slivered, or 1 cup sliced oven-roasted tomatoes 1 /4 cup fresh thyme or fresh marjoram leaves or 2 tablespoons dried 1 /2 cup black or green olives, pitted method Heat oven to 350 degrees. Over medium-low heat, in a large, enameled ovenproof pot with a lid, heat 1 tablespoon of the olive oil. Saute the onion, and after about 3 minutes, remove it to a medium bowl. Season the chicken breasts with salt and pepper. Add the remaining 4 tablespoons olive oil to the pot, raise the heat to medium-high, and brown the chicken for 3 minutes per side. Add the wine, bring it quickly to a boil, and then turn the heat off immediately.

Combine the onion with the parsley, chickpeas, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes, thyme and olives.

36

healthylife

Spread the combined vegetables over the chicken, and bake, covered, for 30-40 minutes, depending on the size of the pieces, turning the chicken once. Serve right from the pot or transfer to a platter.

TIP! Cooking chickpeas The easiest way, the Mayes say, is to soak them at least 5 hours and then bring them to a boil in a lot of water.

Add a carrot, celery stalk and halved onion. Lower the heat, partially cover, and simmer until done. The cooking time might be as short as 45 minutes. Keep testing. The chickpeas are done when firm but giving. Discard the vegetables.

For a no-soaking method, boil the chickpeas for 2 minutes and then turn off the heat and let them sit for an hour before cooking.

Baked Pasta with Sausage and Four Cheeses: For this recipe, visit www.healthylifect.com

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your diet

Pass the SALT what everyone should know about sodium intake by sandra diamond fox

F

orget about having a sweet tooth. New Milford resident Diana Myers has always craved salty foods. “Pretzels, potato chips, popcorn — all these foods I just love,” says Myers, who also admits knowing she needs to cut down on her sodium intake.

So for the past few months she’s been eating something new she bought at Stew Leonard’s grocery store — Skinny Pop Popcorn. It has 50 milligrams of salt per serving size of one cup — and it tastes great, Myers says.

“It gives me a taste of salt, so it satisfies that craving. I bring it to work and snack on it all day. That’s how I get through my day.” she says. “I’ve even gotten others at my job snacking on Skinny Pop!” But is sodium really that bad for you? Or does it serve a beneficial purpose to your body?

According to Dr. Barbara Smith, a dietitian-nutritionist in Stamford, we all need sodium. “Sodium helps with the transmission of nerve impulses, which is the information the nerves send to the muscles. This impacts our muscle contraction and relaxation. You need just enough sodium so you can maintain a normal blood pressure,” Smith says. “For the human body to function successfully, there needs to be an electrolyte balance.

Sodium is just one of the many electrolytes the body needs to achieve this balance.”

Yet salt should be used in moderation. “The recommended daily sodium intake by the health industry is 2,300 milligrams,” Smith says. “That’s the ceiling, but in order for your body to function, you need only 400 milligrams a day.”

Recommended intake is the maximum amount of sodium we should be ingesting per day. It’s higher than what our bodies actually need, our expert says, because so many prepared and processed foods are so high in salt that keeping to 400 milligrams a day would be nearly impossible for most people.

The dangers of having too much sodium in your diet can be

Five foods high in sodium Bouillon cubes

1,200 mg per 1 cube

Soy sauce

300 mg per tsp.

Sun-dried tomatoes

a 2-gram piece has 42 mg

Dehydrated onion soup mix

1 packet has 3,132 mg

Seasoned breadcrumbs

1 cup has 2,111 mg

healthylifect.com

39

your diet

Salts —

what’s out there?

Table salt: Contains 40 percent sodium.

It’s heavily processed to eliminate minerals and usually contains an additive to prevent clumping. Most table salt also has added iodine, an essential nutrient.

Kosher salt:

Used for all cooking. It dissolves fast and its flavor disperses quickly so chefs recommend tossing it on everything from pork roast to popcorn. It got its name because its craggy crystals make it perfect for curing meat — a step in the koshering process.

Crystalline sea salt:

Adds a pungent burst of flavor to just-cooked foods. These crystals will complement anything from a fresh salad to a salmon fillet. It can add briny, sweet, or even bitter flavors to salts.

Adds a hint of briny flavor to freshly cooked food. This is the fastest-dissolving of all of the salt grains.

Fleur de sel:

A special-occasion table salt. Spoon it into a salt cellar to be pinched, then sprinkle over food just before eating.

Delicately flavored, it adds a hint of saltiness to freshly sliced tomato or melon. It melts slowly in the mouth and its earthy, pleasing flavor lingers on the tongue.

Rock salt:

For making ice cream and deicing. Rock salt is paired with ice in oldfashioned hand-cranked ice cream makers to regulate the temperature.

Pickling salt:

For brining pickles and sauerkraut. Pickling salt is far more concentrated than the more commonly used kosher salt, so you’ll use less of it. Unlike table salt, it isn’t fortified with iodine and doesn’t contain anti-caking chemicals. Virtually 100 percent sodium chloride, it’s the purest of salts.

Celtic salt:

An expensive salt, it’s harvested via a 2,000-year-old method of solar evaporation from the waters of the Celtic sea marshes in Brittany, France. Flavor is mellow, with a slightly sweet taste. It’s no healthier than other salts.

Source: Dr. Kavita Joshi

40

healthylife

significant. One of them is water retention. “Water retention has impacts on your heart, making it work harder,” Smith says. “This increases your chances of having a heart attack or stroke. Too much sodium can also cause high blood pressure and heart disease-related illnesses.”

And when it comes to salt, should we buy the type with added iodine?

Iodine is a mineral that’s often added to table salt and is also found in a variety of foods. “It’s part of a hormone called thyroxine, which is responsible for maintaining a person’s metabolic rate,” says Dr. Kavita Joshi, director at Monroe Primary Care and board certified in internal medicine.

“It’s important for good health and, fortunately, our bodies require it in relatively small quantities.”

The recommended dietary allowance for iodine is 150 micrograms a day, according to Joshi. Aside from iodized salt, foods containing iodine include fish, dairy products, fruits and vegetables. “If you’re eating a varied diet, you’re probably taking in sufficient iodine,” Joshi says. “However, if you avoid most of the foods (that contain iodine), you may want to reconsider getting iodized salt, just to be on the safe side.”

And be careful with processed foods, most of which contain high levels of sodium, she says. “This sodium is not iodized, so don’t count on meeting your iodine needs through chips and other junk food.”

SALT CRAVINGS — WHY WE GET THEM One reason we crave salt is because over the years our body and taste buds have grown accustomed to it, Joshi explains.

“Also, some of us crave salt because our body needs the

Photos: © iStockphoto.com; Salt shaker/art-4-art; Bowl of salt/Tsuji.

Flaked sea salt:

additional minerals found in natural salt. These minerals have been filtered out of our regular table salt,” Joshi says. “In this case, eating salty foods will only satisfy your craving temporarily, until your body realizes it’s still missing the extra minerals.”

Salt cravings also have been linked to serious health conditions, such as diabetes, high blood pressure and sickle cell anemia, Joshi says. If you find yourself craving salt all of a sudden, it’s a good idea to schedule a physical to rule out any possible health problems. Once you’ve done so, you can begin the process of reducing salt in your diet. The key is to do so gradually.

“Slowly cut back on your salt intake and instead use herbs and spices to give you lots of flavor without the salt. Replace some processed foods with fresh fruits and vegetables,” Joshi says. “Opt for low-sodium versions of foods.”

When dining out, request not to have any Ways to avoid salt salt or MSG — monosodium glutamate — addwhen cooking ed to your food, Smith  Season food with herbs advises. “MSG is a flaand spices such as basil, rosemary, dill, parsley, sage, vor enhancer, and conginger and cinnamon. tains a lot of sodium,” she says.  Mix foods with fruits such Smith also suggests as lemon and lime. shopping on the perim Use unsalted butter. eter of the supermar Add vegetables and onions ket, since this is where to your meal. fresh foods — which  Find a broth that’s organic contain far less sodium and low in sodium.

— are generally kept.

And homemade, fresh foods, she says, are always more healthy choices.

Different kinds of salts, or salts mixed with spices, are not automatically healthier for you. “When the marketing industry tries to get you to buy a certain flavored salt, they may tell you it’s mixed with different spices and that it comes from exotic places,” Smith says. “They do this because they’re trying to lure you, the consumer, into thinking that this kind of salt is better for you than regular salt, when it’s not. Don’t be fooled. When in doubt if a product has sodium or how much sodium is has, read its label.

Check the amount of sodium in the serving.”

Aside from switching to Skinny Pop, Myers has been making a strong effort to reduce the sodium in her diet. “I usually cook at home every night for my husband and two sons,” she says. “Also, I never add extra salt to my food — whether I’m at home or eating out.”

In general, the woman of the family is the one who’s in charge of the food, Smith says. “On a Friday night, it’s the mom who says, ‘We’re going to have pizza.’ It’s not likely her children will then speak up and say ‘No Ma, I want fish and broccoli,’” Smith says. “That’s why it’s important for us to establish healthy eating patterns from early on.” HL

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owner’s manual

Your Pancreas — a primer

pancreas

compiled by linda tuccio-koonz

Y

our pancreas, a leaf-shaped gland about six inches long, is nestled behind the lower part of your stomach. It has two functions: to secrete enzymes that aid in digestion; and to produce several hormones — including insulin and glucagon — that regulate blood sugar levels.

Insulin controls the amount of glucose (sugar) in the blood as well as the rate it’s absorbed into the cells. Cells need glucose to produce energy and the brain needs glucose to function. Think of it like this: Insulin opens the doors of cells throughout the body, allowing glucose to enter them.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/JohnnyGreig. Illustration: © iStockphoto.com/filo.



Diabetes develops if the pancreas isn’t doing its job. Type 1 occurs when the body’s immune system attacks and destroys the pancreas’ insulinproducing cells. The more comUp to mon form, type 2, is when the 20 percent pancreas produces insulin in of pancreatic small quantities that aren’t cancer begins enough to fuel the cells. as a small, Diabetics are subject fluid-filled brown to both low and high lesion called a blood sugar levels. Symppancreatic cyst. toms of hyperglycemia (too much glucose in the blood) include fatigue, a constant need to urinate, extreme thirst, constant hunger, loss of weight and eyesight problems.

Symptoms of hypoglycemia (low amounts of glucose in the blood) include hunger, dizziness, sweating, confusion, numbness or tingling of lips, and palpitations.





The discovery of insulin nearly a century ago — in 1921 at the University of Toronto — turned diabetes from a death sentence to a chronic disease.



If the pancreas becomes inflamed and damaged by a buildup of its own digestive chemicals, pancreatitis, or swelling and eventual death of the tissue, can result.

Excessive alcohol consumption and gallstones are two main causes, followed by infection or exposure to certain drugs used to

treat cancer or prevent seizures.



Pancreatic cancer can involve several kinds of tumors since there are many types of cells in the gland. The most common type starts in the cells that line the pancreatic duct. As a pancreatic tumor grows, it can invade nearby organs, so surgical removal of the tumor is the best option for long-term survival.



Pancreatic cancer is less common than many other types, but is often in an advanced stage by the time it’s discovered because there are usually few or no early symptoms.

Some people notice the following as pancreatic cancer evolves: severe pain in the upper abdomen or back, nausea, vomiting, unintended weight loss, a burning feeling in the stomach, inability to digest fatty foods, and jaundice. (Many of these symptoms can also be caused by other, more common medical issues.)



Risk factors for pancreatic cancer include smoking and tobacco use, obesity, diabetes, exposure to carcinogens such as asbestos and pesticides, family history, and age (it usually affects people over 55).



To keep your pancreas healthy, exercise and eat a balanced diet. Take a multivitamin, go for regular checkups and don’t smoke.

For additional information on the pancreas go to

www.healthylifect.com

healthylifect.com

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in tune

LIFE Science ayurveda focuses on peace, harmony and balance

A

by valerie foster

year ago, Starr Mary Wolfe of Monroe awoke to terrible stomach pains. Despite seeing doctor after doctor, the pain — and accompanying issues with digestion and heartburn — kept getting worse. “No one knew what it was,” she remembers.

In March, she went to a workshop on ayurveda, an ancient form of healing, and says the lecture changed her life. There she met local ayurvedic practitioner Simone Cameron, who began seeing her regularly. Today Wolfe’s pains are gone. No more heartburn or indigestion. Plus, she is sleeping better.

“I didn’t like having to take medicine,” Wolfe says.

“No one could tell me exactly what I should be eating to make myself better, and every time I ate I got sick. I knew that it had to be the food that was making me sick.

Simone figured it all out. She opened a door for me that I was ready to walk through. I am so thankful I did.”

Like Wolfe, Cameron had tried everything to clear up a medical condition that had plagued her for years: psoriasis. “Doctors didn’t want to fix my problem,” she says.

“They only wanted to give me medicine to mask it.” She finally tried ayurveda and her psoriasis went away. She was so impressed with the results that in 2004 she graduated from Kripalu’s School of Ayurveda in Stockbridge, Mass., (a New York City branch opened in February) and opened Presence of Wellness in Monroe.

In Sanskrit, ayurveda (pronounced i-your-veda), means the science of life, the science of the body, senses, mind and soul. It is the oldest continuously practiced system of medicine in the world, beginning in India more than 5,000 years ago. “A sister science to yoga, ayurveda is a system of medicine focused on bringing peace, harmony and balance to the entire person,” says Larissa Hall Carlson, assistant to the dean at Kripalu’s School

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in tune of Ayurveda, and an ayurvedic yoga specialist and lifestyle consultant. “Ayurveda focuses mainly on diet and lifestyle recommendations to keep the body/mind healthy.”

Ayurveda is a complex science. Although every practitioner has his or her way of conducting the initial session, it usually includes an extensive medical history, taking the pulse, examining the eyes, skin, nails and tongue, which in ayurveda is like a map of the internal organs, and the state of digestion.

“Ayurvedic practitioners can look at the tongue and get a good understanding of what is going on in the body,” Carlson explains, citing a few examples: “Scallops on the sides of the tongue can often signal malabsorption. An overly quivery tongue can signal overstimulation of the nervous system and/or sense organs. A thick white coating on the back of the tongue can signal toxins in the colon.”

A

yurveda is built on the five elements: ether, air, fire, water and earth. Clients discover their dosha, the energy that governs the functional aspects of our bodies. Carlson explains that there are three doshas — vata, pitta and kapha — and although we might possess qualities from all three, we each have one main dosha. (See sidebar for descriptions.)

Your dosha is determined at birth, but diet, stress and life can cause imbalances in its state. “It’s important to know your dosha to identify your optimal diet and correct lifestyle choices to maintain balance and prevent disease,” Carlson adds.

“The beauty of ayurveda is that I get to find out who my clients are, and then to educate them so they learn to live in harmony with who they are,” Cameron says. “Each client is an

individual, with unique psychological, emotional and physical conditions. Our lifestyles naturally create imbalances in our bodies.”

Cameron says her goal is to free the energy within each of her clients, so it flows freely throughout the body. “Take something as simple as breath,” she says. “We do it without thinking, but so many of my clients don’t know how to breathe. I teach them how. I am providing the road map for my clients to become healthy and happy in their lives.”

At the core are her recommendations about the seasonal foods they should be eating for their body type.

For Wolfe, who is a pitta, this meant changing her diet from one heavy on ethnic Italian and Mexican foods to one consisting primarily of poultry and fish, quinoa and beans, spices such as turmeric and cardamom, and walnut oil. “Some people might find my diet difficult, but I think it is delicious,” she says. “It only took a month of eating this way for me to see a tremendous change in the way I felt. I can never go back to my old way of eating. It is just not worth it to me.”

In addition, she lost 13 pounds, something she wasn’t even trying to do. “I needed Simone the day I found her,” she says. “I know God sent her to me. My body was on fire, and I’ve learned how to put that fire out.”

Carlson would say Wolfe has learned to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature, eating seasonally, and truly understanding her own constitution. “Ayurveda can provide an individual with strong immunity, peace of mind and an uplifted spirit that allows life to be lived with an enormous amount of grace, harmony and radiant aliveness.”

HL

The 3 Doshas Larissa Hall Carlson, assistant to the dean at Kripalu’s School of Ayurveda, and an ayurvedic yoga specialist and lifestyle consultant, explains the three doshas:

Vata  Made of ether and air,

it governs communication and movement in the body/mind, specifically breath, speech and circulation. Vata’s main qualities are cold, dry, light, mobile, clear and subtle. If this is your main dosha, you likely have a thin body frame and dry/cool skin, and are fast-moving, fast-talking, enthusiastic, creative and energetic. If vatas eat too many light and dry foods such as rice cakes, crackers or salads, or have a lifestyle that has too much travel, movement or change, they can develop dry skin, hair and nails, constipation, gas, bloating, insomnia, fear, anxiety and memory loss.

Pitta  Made of fire and water,

it governs digestion and transformation in the body/mind, specifically digestive fluids that break down food. Pitta’s main qualities are hot, oily, sharp, penetrating, light and spreading. If this is your main dosha, you are likely to have a medium body frame and warm, oily skin, move with intention, and are intelligent, bright, organized and competitive. If pittas eat foods that are too hot, spicy and oily, such as fried food, onions, garlic, coffee and alcohol, they are likely to develop acid indigestion and skin rashes, hives and acne, and will be irritated, easy to anger and critical.

Kapha  Made of water and

earth, it governs the lubrication and structure in the body/mind, specifically the synovial fluid that lubricates and protects joints.

Kapha’s main qualities are cold, wet, heavy, slow, smooth, stable and soft. If this is your main dosha, you are likely stocky with strong muscles and bones, move and talk more slowly, dependable and jolly, with good memory and endurance. If kaphas eat rich and heavy foods such as meat, rich sauces and gravies, ice cream, dairy products and mashed potatoes, they are likely to develop congestion, weight gain, water retention and become sluggish and lethargic.

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hair care

locks

Love Your

experts say brushing is still a good way to do it by melinda mcgarty webb

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ike Marsha Brady (with her hair of gold — like her mother’s) and some of our mothers and grandmothers before us, many women once attested that the key to healthy, shiny hair was brushing 100 strokes each night before bed. But is that really necessary? In fact, is brushing in general even necessary?

“I don’t necessarily believe in the 100-stroke idea, but people should definitely brush their hair thoroughly every day,” says Michael Zaiko, a stylist and colorist at Hair Couture Salon in Ridgefield.

Maybe one of the reasons the 100-stroke regimen has fallen out of favor is that with all the stress many of us place on our hair — the blow drying, the straightening or curling, the coloring and the products galore — our hair may be more

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fragile than it was in previous generations.

Plus, people today wash their hair more frequently than they once did. In the early to mid 20th century, it wasn’t at all unusual for a woman to wash her hair once a week. Frequent hair-brushing served an important purpose — it helped distribute the oils that accumulated on the scalp. In today’s society, though, many of us strip away those oils with our daily or every-other-day washings.

But while the importance of those meticulously counted strokes may have faded, the importance of proper brushing persists. “Brushing your hair stimulates the scalp, promotes growth, removes tangles, and keeps the hair healthier so it’s not prone to breaking,” says Quinn Carroll, a hair stylist at the Christopher Noland Salon & Beauty Spa in Greenwich. “It

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Our Commitment is to Care. brings the oil from your scalp all the way to the ends.”

How and when we should brush, however, depends on what type of hair we have. “Finer hair or longer hair, I would brush it thoroughly so you don’t get any knots, or get it matted,” says Zaiko. “Wavy to curly hair, I would brush it a lot less. I would be more gentle because you don’t want to ruin the curl or wave.”

While people with curly or wavy hair may be leery of brushing out their texture, anyone can benefit from a thorough brushing just prior to washing, says Carroll. “Before you get in the shower, brush your hair. It will feel good, too,” she says. “Brush all the tangles out — if you don’t have any hair product in there and it’s soft. Then shampoo and condition as usual. When your conditioner is in, you can run your fingers through the hair, if you’d like.”

Brushing the scalp itself is vital, both stylists agree. It loosens dead skin cells and dirt and promotes circulation.

Some people recommend taking it one step further and massaging the scalp — leaning over to increase the blood flow and massaging the scalp in small circular motions.

“It’s important to brush the scalp to get rid of debris and buildup of product — especially if someone uses a lot of hairspray,” says Zaiko.

Once you finish brushing your hair and scalp, though, and hop in that shower, it’s important to exercise some caution. Wet hair can be fragile.

“Your hair is more delicate when it’s wet and it stretches more than when it’s dry. You want to be extra gentle,” says Carroll, who styled the hair of this month’s HealthyLife cover model. “You can use a wide-toothed comb, or we sell something called a wet brush, which is designed for use on wet hair. It’s very gentle and it has flexible, nylon bristles.

The denser the bristles, the more damage you can do to wet hair.”

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hether your hair is wet or dry, Carroll recommends following the same procedure every time you brush your hair.

“Start at the ends and work your way to the mid-shaft,” she counsels. “Then, when all your tangles are out and the brush is going through easily, you can brush from your scalp all the way to your ends.”

For those who don’t need to style their hair, a paddle brush is sufficient, she says. Paddle brushes often have plastic bristles set in a cushioned base, although both Carroll and Zaiko say they favor natural bristles — preferably those made from boar’s hair. Paddle brushes can be found virtually anywhere that sells brushes, although the boar’s hair variety are often sold exclusively at salons, beauty supply stores and online vendors. They’re appropriate for almost any hair type, and particularly well-suited to straightening coarse hair.

If you have straight or wavy hair that you wish to blow dry into a style with some movement, Carroll recommends using a wide-tooth comb or wet brush, and then drying

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hair care

So many options!

T

here’s more to brush shopping than you might think. Not only must you consider what type of bristles you prefer — natural or synthetic — but you also have to decide which brush shape will best suit your hair type and styling preferences.

When it comes to natural bristles, boar’s hair is the most common material used, although porcupine bristles also exist. Stylists say boar bristles add shine by smoothing out the hair’s cuticle.

Boar’s hair is soft and strong and the bristles prevent static electricity buildup and frizziness. Boar’s hair also is considered by many to be the most durable type of animal hair, while also being gentle. This type of brush is best suited to straightening and won’t add a tremendous amount of body or curl to straight hair. It will, however, grip the hair well while it’s being styled, which makes it a good choice for coarse hair.

Michael Zaiko of Hair Couture Salon

in Ridgefield, swears by Mason Pearson brand boar’s hair brushes, and says he won’t use anything else. Mason Pearson is considered by some to be the Cadillac of hair brushes.

Nylon bristles are better suited to detangling. Their flexibility makes it easy to slide them through knotted hair, minimizing painful pulling.

Sometimes, a combination is best. “If you have medium to coarse hair and you want a smoother, bouncier look, I would use a brush with boar’s hair and nylon bristles mixed together,” says Quinn Carroll of the Christopher Noland Salon & Beauty Spa in Greenwich. “The nylon bristles detangle while you’re using it, and the boar’s hair bristles add a lot of shine and really smooth out the hair.”

The Mason Pearson site provides these general guidelines. They recommend pure bristle brushes for fine to normal hair, and fine long hair. They steer people with normal and short thick hair to

brushes with a mixture of boar bristle and nylon; and nylon bristles are suggested for people with very thick hair.

Once you determine which type of bristle best suits you, you also have to decide what size and type of brush will help you achieve the style you want. “In general, the longer the hair, the bigger the brush required. However, if a person is more comfortable with a smaller brush, it may be necessary to use a smaller mixture model instead of a larger pure bristle one,” states the Mason Pearson website.

Stylists sometimes suggest that if you have long hair and are not getting enough of a curl on the ends, use a brush with a larger head for the majority of your blowout, and then switch to a smaller-headed brush to complete the ends. It will create a more pronounced curl. That same method is sometimes suggested for use on layers framing the face.

Brush Types A paddle brush

is a wide, flat brush, generally with a rectangular head, that’s appropriate for virtually any hair type. Its purpose is to detangle and remove loose or previously shed hairs. It’s also good for smoothing long straight hair.

Vented brushes have

(as the name would suggest) vents cut in their bodies.

The idea is that the warm air from the hairdryer will pass through the holes and get to the hair itself more quickly, thereby decreasing drying time.

Round-barrel brushes are one of the

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most commonly used styling tools because they allow you to roll your hair around the brush and essentially set it in a curl. There are two basic types — those with ceramic barrels, and those with metal barrels.

“A ceramic-barrel brush is good for finer hair when you want more body out of your style and you’re using the brush to blow dry,” says Carroll. “It gives more bend to the hair and almost acts like a curling iron. It will give straighter, finer hair more curl and lift.”

Metal brushes, while generally less expensive, are not her recommendation be-

cause they sometimes don’t heat evenly, she says.

“When you’re using the blow dryer and the brush together, some spots can get too hot and you can burn the hair. If they have something that says ‘ceramic,’ or even ‘ceramic-plated,’ that would be better than a metal brush.”

Square brushes

are sometimes used in the same manner as round brushes — to blow out hair and create a wave at the end. The difference is that with square brushes, each corner creates a slight resistance as you twirl the brush, which means

it grips better.

Teasing brushes have short and long bristles that catch the hair as you brush it up the shaft. They’re used to create volume and achieve that unmistakable teased look.

Plastic brushes can melt under high heat.

Although it’s a rarity, Carroll had that experience in middle school. While straightening her friend’s hair, the plastic brush melted in her hands. “Most people don’t get that crazy, but I was a girl who loved beauty,” she jokes. “I wanted that hair straight.”

Photos: Dreamstime.com; Woman brushing hair, © Andres Rodriguez; Purple brush, © Ksena2009; © iStockphoto.com; Blue brush, EHStock; Black brush, HotDuckZ.

How to choose a brush.

your hair until it’s about 60 or 70 percent dry. At that point, you can pick up your round brush and begin to style.

“If you start using the brush when your hair is too wet, it will take you forever, so first flip your hair upside down and dry it roughly — running your blow dryer all over your head,” Carroll suggests. “This is depending on your hair type, obviously. If you’re super curly, you’re not going to want to do that. But if it’s straight to wavy, you’ll dry the hair until there’s just a little bit of moisture left. Then you can section off your hair and use a round brush to style it. That’s what works the best.”

She suggests that once the section of hair you’ve been styling with the round brush is completely dry, leave the brush in your hair and allow that section to cool. The curl will set as if you’d used a hot roller. It’s a great way to get a lot of bounce, she says. But be wary of leaving the brush in if your hair is not thoroughly dry. If it’s still wet, the brush will likely get tangled and leave you with a mess.

Some people with curly or wavy hair shy away from standard brushing or combing, sometimes preferring to comb through their hair with their fingers. They feel they can be more gentle with their hands and better preserve their curls. Are they doing their hair a disservice by not brushing it?

“It’s not necessarily hurting the hair if you don’t brush it, but I would suggest doing it,” says Carroll. “Even if you just do it once — right before you get in the shower.”

A hair pick is another option for people who don’t want to flatten their curls, but still need to eliminate tangles and remove the hair that has already shed from the scalp, she says.

It’s perfectly natural to lose 50, 100, even 125 hairs a day.

So if we’re not washing our hair every day, or are brushing minimally to keep our waves intact, those eliminated hairs can sometimes add up to a frighteningly large clump in our brush or on the shower floor.

“If you’re not washing your hair every day, or if you’re not brushing your hair every day, and you have a big clump in the shower, that’s probably OK,” Carroll says. “You have to remember you’re adding up hairs with every day that passes. So there’s probably no reason to stress — unless you notice a patch missing.”

If you notice a patch with no hair, or see a dramatic increase in hair loss, then it’s time to call your doctor. A bald patch likely has a medical explanation. But if you just notice split ends and some breakage, that’s likely within your control. It may be the result of improper care or overzealous brushing.

“If you have split-ends, be really gentle and don’t brush the hair as much,” Zaiko suggests, “and use a lot of conditioner to smooth everything down.”

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Regina’s Art Center to open in Greenwich

by Marsin Mogielski

Regina Rayzvikh, a renowned artist with works featured at The Louvre in Paris and who’s Art Centers include two locations in Brooklyn and one in Staten Island, has set her sights on Greenwich, Connecticut. A victim of Hurricane Sandy, Regina’s Art Center in Staten Island has been affected by the devastating floods and the center had to shut its doors.

The record high water levels filled basements and street level facilities that are used primarily for art storage and exhibitions, ruined many of Ms. Rayzvikh’s paintings. Ms. Rayzvikh decided to look at the destruction as a stepping-stone to a greater beginning, and has put her efforts in to preparations to open an Art Center in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Many of the fellow community members, including the Greenwich Chambers of Commerce as well as Becker Chicaiza, the owner of Becker Salon, have warmly welcomed Regina Rayzvikh and are looking forward to her involvement within the community.

Becker Chicaiza says, “it is an honor to meet kind hearted people with focus on artistic enrichment and development for the betterment of the community. Being an art lover, I truly enjoy Regina’s work and she has my

out outmost support.”

Ms. Ryzvikh is curre rently collaborating with the Boys and Girls Club, as well as the YMCA of Greenwich. Regina’s Art Center is also excited to present a “Drawing School For A Day” wo workshop at the Greenwic Library, located on wich 101 West Putnam Aven enue, on February 16th 201 from 9:30am to 2013 1:3 1:30pm.

The best part… eve is welcome! everyone Having a creative and art artistic outlet is much nee needed for the soul of the greater community.

Children can have a place to express their creativity, learn to paint and center their focus on something positive. To Ms. Rayzvikh, art is a form of self-expression; it is a purpose, to remove the artist from the world and for a moment to allow the artist to exist within the imaginary bounds of a blank canvas or a block of uncut stone. Art is also a form of therapy for many children and adults, which benefits include the reconciliation of emotional conflicts, self-awareness, as well as personal growth.

Regina’s Art Centers are known for breakthrough programs focused specifically on children with autism and attention deficit disorder. Regina’s Art Center of Greenwich is definitely something to look forward to.

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50 Shades of Grey, Already why so many women find domination intriguing by emma tennant

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/Lise Gagne.

I

f you haven’t heard of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy then I assume you have spent the last couple of years in a coma. Written by British author E.L James, the megaselling books tell the story of a young virgin, Ana Steele, who meets a successful young entrepreneur, Christian Grey.

The predictable seduction begins, but what makes Christian a little different is that — due, it is explained, to a number of childhood factors — he demands a consensual dominanceand-submission relationship, including making the demand that Ana sign a contract that specifies the limits of what she will submit to and what she won’t.

Suffice it to say that it all ends very conventionally, with Ana having, in effect, converted Christian from his darker impulses, and the couple united in marital harmony. In this respect, the series differs not one bit from the narrative arc of most romantic fiction — a morally innocent narrator meets a dark and troubled, though rich and handsome, man who needs to be redeemed by love and brought under the yoke of marriage and so on. The core fantasy here is not about being mastered, so much as it is about mastering the dangerous and untamable with a little slap and tickle thrown in.

Why, people wonder, would decent women be so fascinated?

I was inspired to reflect on it this month after reading Tim Parks’ review in The New York Review of Books. He points out that, unlike the famous Story of O, the narrator in the 50 Shades trilogy is not reduced to a pure object of sadistic and masochistic sexual pleasure, but retains her essential innocence, and that Christian always insists on full consensus — and showers Ana with presents — so that it is always clear that he is of no real danger. The key word here is safe.

The Story of O, published anonymously in 1954 by Anne Desclos, is another beast entirely. Desclos wrote it to stimulate and support her relationship with her lover at the time, and so Desclos was writing for a man, not for a woman. Her narrator, O, is not only whipped and branded in a progression of sadistic sexual situations, but she gradually submits her entire will to a man who treats her purely as an object.

She gives up any fantasy of being loved, and finds satisfaction in giving up any desire of her own, other than the desire to be used. In this respect, O is a very challenging book

about human will, and probably deserves to be considered a classic of French existentialism, as well as erotica. It would be an interesting experiment to ask 50 readers of the “Grey” trilogy to read The Story of O and see how many liked it. My guess is less than half.

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hat is erotically stimulating in submission, bondage and humiliation?

Sex is a curious thing. It has an endless variety of expressions, and yet on the whole, the sexual realm is governed by rules. Even where there is polygamy, or in the few cultures where women take multiple husbands, there are always rules — rules about incest, rules about marriage, rules about sexual acts themselves. In other words, there is no sex without restraint of some kind or another.

So, naturally, the bending or flaunting of the rules is a liminal area. It’s a place where the anarchic instinctual impulses meet the restraining boundaries of convention, and as a result these places where the rules meet the instinct are infused with erotic tension.

What we forget is that for all of us our earliest erotic interests were curtailed and enslaved by the demands of childhood development. Don’t put your food in your ear. Please move your bowels under these conditions. Do not touch yourself there. As infants, Freud said, we take pleasure in a variety of bodily functions — and experience intense erotic and emotional relationships with our caregivers. These caregivers have total control. We are powerless. When we are bad, these caregivers, who we love and on whom we depend for other things, may punish us. In other words, our entire infantile life is infused with eroticized experiences of control, punishment, reward, restraint and humiliation — all of it experienced in relation to our sexualized bodies.

So we submit to the higher rules of culture. But deep inside all of us is a darker more instinctual place where the power of our sexual longings is wrapped up with the experience of being dominated, and the mirrored fantasy of turning the tables.

HL E-mail your questions to askemma@healthylifect.com and check out her blog at www.healthylifect.com.

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work life

Stuck in a Cubicle? tips for staying productive despite nosy, noisy neighbors by valerie foster

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ubicles: Love ’em or hate ’em, they are a fact of office life that’s here to stay.

On the plus side, they provide some privacy — although in most cases the noise they filter out is negligible. They also are easily invaded by co-workers, and your life — both work and personal — becomes an open book.

“When people work in cubicles, companies do not realize what they lose in productivity dollars,” says therapist Maud Purcell of the Life Solution Center of Darien. Purcell has worked with many companies in Fairfield County through employee assistance programs and has heard all the complaints.

“It’s not a smart way to operate.

People can’t concentrate. People

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are interrupting constantly. With cubicles, there are no real natural boundaries. Too many people do not understand personal boundaries, and therefore have no idea how to go about respecting the boundaries of other people.”

The good news is that how you deal with your cubicle world really is all about you. Today, we offer pointers for making your work space a nicer place to spend the day.

DEALING WITH OTHERS If privacy or noise is an issue, Purcell says you’ve got to talk with the offending person, a person she calls the “invader.” “You have to learn how to speak assertively, which is so important for you to

grow as a person and employee,” she says.

Assertiveness is not a license for nastiness, however, so resist the urge to attack the person. Here’s Purcell’s formula: 1. Begin your talk with a statement that will not put the invader on the defensive. For example, “You would have no way of knowing that I am really tied up right now, but we have to talk at another time.”

That statement softens the blow, so much more than simply shouting “go away” or “not now.”

2. For invaders who share too much personal information, Purcell suggests you say: “I know you must be having a really rough day and you don’t know that I am un-

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Photo: Dreamstime.com; Boxes, © Chimpinski; Woman in box, © Gemenacom.

work life

Create a personalized space in your cubicle by bringing in an area rug and warmer colors.

Photos and plants can also help make your space your own.

der a tight deadline. This is just not a good time.”

3. For noisy nellies: “I know you would never intend to make it hard for me to get my work done, but your voice is louder than it should be and I am having a hard time concentrating.”

If you say these statements each time an invader invades, eventually he or she will catch on. If not, the next stop is your boss or team leader. But again, do not make it personal by attacking the person. Instead, explain why the invader is affecting your productivity (key here). Perhaps it’s time for the boss or team leader to hold a meeting to develop guidelines about employee conduct and respect for each other’s privacy.

STAYING FOCUSED “You have to set priorities, write them down, and then rank them in order,” says Robert C. Pozen, a senior lecturer at Harvard Business School and a senior fellow at the Brookings Institution. Prioritize each item according to day, week, month and year. That alone can keep you focused and on task during the work week.

Pozen understands the importance of prioritizing, a skill he developed as a student at Bassick High School in Bridgeport, where interruptions were the norm. He had his eye on getting a stellar education, eventually securing a spot at Harvard University, an atypical college for most Bassick graduates. In his just-published book, Extreme Productivity:

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Boost Your Results, Reduce Your Hours, he details how to stay focused in every work situation. For example: 1. Create a working cubicle cocoon by wearing earplugs or noise-canceling headphones. No music needed with the latter. Just putting them on does away with most of the background sound.

2. If you need privacy, see if there is an empty conference room. This option is especially important if you are meeting with a client or need to make a personal phone call.

3. Break down each project into many tasks. As you finish a section, reward yourself. Working toward goals keeps you on task and makes it easier for you to remove Purcell’s invaders from your work space. Smaller goals also help procrastinators stay on target.

4. E-mails: When you open your inbox, resist the impulse to open garbage e-mails. Hit delete instead. Check your emails on a schedule, say once an hour, instead of constantly. Before hitting “reply all” think about whether everyone needs to see your response. If we all did this, consider how many fewer e-mails we would have. One more: Forget the one-word e-mails such as those that say “thanks” or “OK,” or are just a smiley emoticon. Better thanks is not clogging the recipient’s e-mail.

5. And finally, think about whether some of your job could be done at home. “The idea of office face time is really outmoded,” Pozen says. “The real question is what you produce

C F ORTHOPEDICS

No Bones About It! and what you achieve.” He suggests you make a proposal to your boss, giving concrete examples of how much of your work could be done at home.

CREATING YOUR SPACE Unless your office is renovating, you’ve inherited a work spot that could be decades old. Jody Myers-Fierz, owner of Color Concept Theory, a Bethel interior designer that specializes in work environments, offers these tips for sprucing up your lackluster space.

Photos: Dreamstime.com; Plant, ; Carpet, © Samsem67; Picture frame, © Otnaydur.

1. Many fluorescent lights contain mercury, which MyersFierz says can translate into headaches for some. The first stop is to ask your boss to have the overhead lighting changed to mercury-free lights. If possible, and if your boss agrees, turn off the overhead lights directly above your cubicle. That’s step No. 1. Next, invest in a halogen desk lamp that offers task lighting. The halogen light will also create warm lighting, giving your space a homier feel.

2. We all know the importance of a properly placed keyboard and correct monitor height. But have you ever had an expert check out your space to make sure you are sitting correctly? If not, visit your human resources representative or talk to your boss. Ergonomics play a crucial role in productivity.

3. Bring in some warmer colors, especially if your space is primarily cool grays and blues. “Studies have shown that warm colors bring out the best in people and make them happier,” Myers-Fierz says. “And the happier the person is in her space, the less health issues she will have.” Quickfixes include an area rug, pictures of your family and friends, colorful Post-it notes, or perhaps a plant or two to bring some life into your space.

4. If your company is repainting, ask that low-VOC paint be used. “The more toxic chemicals you can remove from your workplace, the more productive and healthier the staff is,” Myers-Fierz says.

5. She adds that the newer cubicle structures are more soundproof and come with creature comforts, including more filing space, desks that face out so you can see approaching co-workers, doors that can be closed for more privacy, and a rainbow of colors that stray from the basic office lackluster grays.

“The most important thing for any company to understand is the importance of the work environment,” Purcell adds. “That includes giving employees privacy. No privacy brings out the worst in people. Workers become like a dysfunctional family rather than team players.”

HL

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wo winter sports that see much in the way of potential injury are ice skating and downhill skiing. Injury in either endeavor can come from out of control speed or slow motion balance loss. Gentle hamstring and achilles stretching can help prevent sudden tendon and muscle injury by helping the soft tissues be more forgiving during activity. Proper skate fit and ski boot fit can minimize blister formation and be protective to the ankle ligaments. The boot top area of the lower leg above both skates and downhill ski boots is susceptible to what are called “boot top” tibia fractures that more often than not require surgical repair. Indoor skating arenas and ski slopes have the capability of mustering urgent medical help from EMT’s. However outdoor pond skaters are not as likely to get immediate help unless they are carrying their cell phones, which is a good thing to remember.

Both skiing and ice skating have less ligament injuries occurring around the knee due to the more slippery non fixed foot positions unless ski bindings fail. Falling on outstretched arms can result in wrist fractures that require urgent attention. More injury occurs in novice skaters attempting higher-level figure, skating maneuvers than they are ready for and skiers taking on much tougher terrain than they can handle. The worst injuries orthopedic surgeons see in the upper extremity in wintertime come from snow blower auger-hand interaction. Clearing ice and snow from the auger and blades must be done with the engine off, blades and auger stopped and with an extension tool of some kind. This is the only way to prevent serious hand injury. Surgeons cannot restore normal function to the arm and hand in many snow blower injuries despite modern bone, tendon and microscopic repair techniques.

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locked out

A

‘Virtual’ Will?

consider digital assets as part of estate planning

B

efore he died several years ago, Lynn McPhelimy’s father drew a map to the exact location of his home’s septic tank and made sure his daughter knew where to find it. Those simple instructions saved McPhelimy from being overwhelmed with an unwieldy search after her parents passed away and she inherited their property. If not for her father’s instructions, when the tank suddenly needed repairs, “I would never have known where to find it,” McPhelimy says.

The instructions, which McPhelimy came to see as a loving gesture, also became an inspiration for what became the upstate resident’s life work. Her still-in-print 1998 book, In the Checklist of Life — a workbook that allows people to manually record everything from where they keep their spare keys to sentimental remembrances — even got McPhelimy an audience with Oprah Winfrey, who featured her several years ago on a segment devoted to thoughtfully and pragmatically planning for the inevitability of death.

by beth cooney

These days McPhelimy often works with Connecticut seniors and their families as part of her related business, MovingandMoreCt.com. In her broad-based work, which often includes posthumous housekeeping, she’s encountered a new challenge: unlocking and sometimes shuttering the virtual lives of her clients’ deceased or seriously ill relatives.

Accessing locked e-mail, memorializing Facebook pages and stopping automatic online bill paying have all been tasks she’s taken on, sometimes requiring copious amounts of cyber detective work.

“You don’t have to be dead for this to be a problem,” McPhelimy says. “You can be in the hospital with diverticulitis or incapacitated from a car wreck. And suddenly someone needs to get into your e-mail or pay your bills online or even stop your Netflix and it isn’t easy. It’s like there’s a secret compartment they have to find.”

Indeed, documenting our many virtual logins, passwords and security questions (is there anyone who just has one

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locked out

In 2005, Connecticut became the first state in the nation to pass a law

mandating that e-mail hosts (such as AOL or Hotmail) provide passwords to the surviving spouses of their deceased customers.

these days?) to the variety of accounts most of us maintain online — from gym memberships to investment banking and Twitter feeds — is something everyone should do on a regular basis.

Keeping your virtual life organized and ultimately easily accessible to the people you love and trust is really a gift to them, explains Nancy Randolph Greenway, an attorney, estate planning expert and the author of Life Organizer. Many of us cyber-savvy sorts, Randolph Greenway notes, have created what amounts to a virtual safe-deposit box. It’s not unusual to have gone paperless, keeping everything from frequent-flier-mile accounts to credit card and investment statements exclusively online. Helping survivors access these things in a seamless, stress-free way is as important as drafting your last will and testament, she explains. “It’s another loose end not to leave and really a loving act to keep these kinds of things accessible.”

And having a roadmap to our digital life is critical. While McPhelimy notes that most of her senior clients live rich and complex online lives, Randolph Greenway adds she has encountered the occasional new widow who finds herself the unwitting victim of a cyber lockout when her spouse dies.

“There are still marriages where the man takes care of business. So, it’s not even that they don’t have passwords,” she explains of these wives. “They aren’t even sure what kinds of accounts the spouse had online.”

Sharing this kind of otherwise private information is about

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more than easing a survivor’s burdens. After Randolph Greenway wrote an earlier book about estate planning, she was shocked at the revelations that came from readers. “There are people out there who don’t know where the insurance policies are or what they have (in terms of assets). Digital access is just a piece of this.”

I

t’s no wonder lawmakers have begun to pay attention.

In 2005, Connecticut became the first state in the nation to pass a law mandating that e-mail hosts (such as AOL or Hotmail) provide passwords to the surviving spouses of their deceased customers. The law was proposed by retired state Sen. Judith Freedman of Westport, who filed the bill at the behest of a widowed constituent. Some digital legal experts have since referred to Connecticut’s law, which was heralded as being novel at the time of its passage, as somewhat antiquated because it doesn’t extend to other online portals.

McPhelimy notes that Facebook is estimated to have upward of 5 million open accounts belonging to people who are now deceased. While some survivors may want to keep those pages as virtual memorial walls, others may crave posthumous privacy or want to disconnect what becomes a painful reminder. Of course, shuttering Facebook or Twitter accounts is a relatively easy task if you have the right passwords, McPhelimy says. The emphasis here is on the word “if.”

State Rep. Tony Hwang, R-134, who represents a district that includes parts of Fairfield and Trumbull, is concerned enough about the onerous challenges of posthumous account access that at press time he was in the process of drafting legislation that would allow for designated survivors to easily gain broader access to someone’s passwords and virtual domain through the estate and probate system. “The advent of social media has given this issue added significance,” Hwang says. “The average Joe and Jill may not even realize all the implications of what happens to all these things when someone they love dies. The (deceased person) can know their password, but no one else does. And then there can just be an overwhelming burden of trying to figure this stuff out.”

Some of his effort, Hwang explains, will simply be focused on helping people navigate what may at times feel like a daunting bureaucracy. “Ever try to get a person at (a social media company) on the phone?” he says. “My goal is to develop something that will become a roadmap for the probate system — hopefully with the cooperation of probate judges — that will address these data points.

At the very least, I hope it begins a discussion of this problem.”

Meanwhile, experts say the potential solutions to these virtual locked doors can be surprisingly simple with some advance planning. While computer programs and services can be purchased to store such information, McPhelimy says they have their own drawback. “If they are on a computer and someone in your family is trying to access them they have to know how,” she says. “I like to deal in reality. Writing things down the good-old-fashioned way, in my opinion, is still the best, most pragmatic way to go.”

So, she urges everyone she works with to keep a simple, alphabetized box of index cards with their passwords stashed in order and update it every time you change a password. If this makes you feel particularly vulnerable and insecure, think again. “You don’t have to keep it out in plain sight if it makes you uncomfortable. Hide it just like you would your jewelry,” she says. “Tell someone where it is, just like you might the spare keys or your safe deposit box.”

Randolph Greenway says from time to time you should print out important online statements, noting it’s especially critical if you have certain information you only receive via computer. “I’m a big believer in an annual, handwritten inventory,” she says. She also suggests giving your heirs a flashdrive of certain key documents. As for passwords, write them down, too. “Lots of people keep them on their computer, but what if it crashes?,” she says.

Perhaps, more importantly, Randolph Greenway says it’s essential to discuss these topics with your family.

She says an annual meeting to discuss such housekeeping matters is something every family should do. “Talk about all these things, not to be maudlin but to be caring. It’s about not leaving any loose ends, which is a loving act.”

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Act Like

Adults! step relationships can be a challenge — even for grown children by jeanette mcnamee

B

ecoming part of a stepfamily is an adjustment, and not just when the children involved are small. Adult stepchildren can have a difficult time as well, since expectations frequently differ of what each person’s role should be in the new family.

Whose responsibility is it to foster relationships and work out conflicts between stepparents and adult stepchildren? Is it the job of the biological parent, the stepparent, all parties or someone else?

When a parent remarries, stepchildren often feel their biological parent has rejected them in favor of a new spouse, says Maud Purcell, a professional therapist and director of The Life Solution Center of Darien.

She understands firsthand the challenges faced when

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a biological parent and stepparent don’t work out the turf issues that often come up. Her mother remarried after her father died. Her stepfather had children of his own, and then he and her mother had a child together. Although her mother is no longer living, Purcell, a licensed clinical social worker with a master’s degree in social work, has maintained a bond with her stepfather.

While not always the case, turf issues over wills and division of estates can leave adult children feeling as though their biological parent is not looking out for them and that they have to compete with their stepparent for their biological parent’s love.

“Blood is almost always thicker than water,” says Purcell. “There can be issues that arise even if there’s

Photos: © iStockphoto.com/asiseeit.

family life

some history of a positive relationship between the stepparent and adult kid.”

A stepparent is more likely to put their own needs and the needs of their own biological children ahead of stepchildren, she says.

So Purcell believes it is the biological parent’s responsibility to facilitate the relationship between his or her new spouse and his or her children, and to settle conflicts. Even if the biological parent doesn’t take on the role as mediator from the beginning, “it’s rarely too late to step in and take responsibility,” she says. “A lot of good repair work can be done.”

On the other side of the therapist’s couch are adult stepchildren who must adjust to seeing a stranger in their parent’s home and life. Susan’s parents divorced after more than 30 years of marriage. Both remarried, her father soon after the divorce, when Susan was in her 30s, and her mother about 15 years later. “I was happy that Dad found someone he could be happy with and who seemed to love him very much,” she says.

But she was disappointed when her stepmother made it clear she didn’t wish to be “anyone’s Grandma,” especially since Susan’s four children were all under the age of 12 at the time of the marriage.

“My visits put a crimp in her lifestyle because she did not know how to relate to kids and was hypercritical a lot of the time,” says Susan, whose last name and city of residence have been withheld to protect her privacy. “There is no close relationship between my (now adult) kids and their granddad and step-grandmother. Dad was always working when they were growing up and had no time to build a relationship with his grandkids.”

Her father and stepmother are now in their 80s and 90s, and she visits them two or three times a year. “I have tried to establish and maintain a cordial relationship with my stepmother for my Dad’s sake as well as mine,” she says. “I have always tried to be accepting of her and her daughter, but I don’t feel that has truly been reciprocated. Now, as an empty-nester, I just chalk it up to whatever time I can have with my Dad, and accept that my stepmother is a part

of the visit.”

Because Susan, now in her 60s, didn’t have a strong relationship with her mother, that remarriage had less of an effect on her and her family. And her stepfather died 10 years after the marriage.

Belinda, who also asked to remain anonymous, was in her 40s when her father remarried in 1999, a couple years after her mother died. “I knew he had been desperately lonely,” she says. “I was not ready for someone else in my mother’s home, but I realized what I felt didn’t really matter. What mattered was whether or not it would make him happy.”

Belinda’s father already had given her jewelry and clothing that had belonged to her mother, so that wasn’t an issue after he remarried. If her stepmother discovers items now that belonged to her mother, she usually offers them to Belinda.

“It was odd for a while to see her put out my mother’s dishes” at gatherings, Belinda admitted. Sharing holidays with her stepmother’s large family has been an adjustment since Belinda grew up in a small family with one brother, who is now deceased. She and her husband do not have children together, while her stepmother has three adult children, grandchildren and siblings.

P

erhaps no family member is more maligned than stepmothers, thanks to Cinderella’s dysfunctional family.

Author Wednesday Martin, a stepmother herself, set out to dispel the myth of the evil stepmother in her 2009 book Stepmonster. Not a psychologist, she has a doctorate in comparative literature and has taught cultural studies and literature.

“My book looks at the history and sociology of stepfamily life and suggests that anthropologists, historians, sociologists and legal scholars provide crucial perspectives that have gone untapped in our approach to understanding and supporting stepfamilies and stepmothers,” says Martin, who lives in New York City with her family.

She has worked as a writer and social researcher for 20-plus years and writes for Psychology Today. For

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family life Professional therapist Maud Purcell believes it is the biological

parent’s

responsibility to facilitate the relationship between his or her new spouse and his or her children, and to settle conflicts.

Stepmonster she “synthesized and distilled dozens of academic studies (sociological and psychological) on stepfamily life.” She believes it’s not enough to only help stepmothers “deal with their feelings,” because there are cultural realities about stepfamily life that are not fixable.

“When you talk to psychologists and therapists who work with women with stepchildren, they say these women often describe feeling isolated, alone and misunderstood,” says Martin. “It’s a lot of stress to be a woman with stepchildren if your husband or partner does not support you as an equal in the household and encourage his children to treat you civilly at the very least, and if there is an angry or undermining exwife in the picture.”

When women with stepchildren realize it’s normal for tension to exist in a stepfamily, they quit trying to blend everyone into one big happy family, which is “the source of much of the tension and much of her resentment,” she says.

Martin was 34 and her husband was 42 when they married. His daughters were 11 and 14 at the time. “He and I felt a

developmental imperative to try to ‘blend’ his girls into our life and marriage and ‘blend’ me into their dad and daughter relationship,” she says. “However, his daughters had a very different developmental imperative — to be separate and independent. So, we were at cross-purposes from a developmental perspective.”

She doesn’t “buy into the extended-family paradigm.

Stepfamilies are not first families, and once we all accepted that, things got a lot easier!” She and her husband have two sons, now ages 4 and 11, who enjoy seeing their big sisters when they visit.

Martin says reactions to Stepmonster ranged from positive conversations with her stepdaughters to people who were outraged by the idea presented in the book: that children shouldn’t come first when it comes to remarriage.

“The couple bond is much more fragile in a remarriage with kids than in a first marriage, and you don’t want everyone experiencing another divorce,” she says. “Many remarried couples with kids loved the message, and some adult stepchildren were offended by it.”

HL

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spirit My Word 73

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my word

Stuff My Sisters Say by megan willis

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/digitalskillet.

T

he great thing about sisters is that they will tell you what you want to hear when you most need to hear it. Like when your estrogen cauldron boileth over and you feel like a train wreck and needily and unattractively inquire, “I’m still cool, right?” Your sister (from your own mother or some other) will dutifully and convincingly reply, “Girl, you are totally cool! Anyone who doesn’t think so is a backwoods jack wagon.”

The bad part about sisters is that they will also tell you what you don’t want to hear. Oftentimes the latter can really anger a sister, and then at some point — like in a few hours, or the next day, or 10 years later, I realize that sister-friend was probably right. Sometimes I admit this, and sometimes it’s just a private realization.

The stuff my sisters say has long sustained me, at times illuminated a sparkling escape out of the darkness and routinely sent me into a maniacal laughter, the kind that can only truly be shared among esteemed Sister Friends.

Heretoforth is some of the best advice I have ever received from my girl sibs. They may or may not apply to you, or maybe they will in a few years (conspiratorial wink) or perhaps you will declare them to be so much opinionated drivel. Long live you and your own opinion.

Stuff My Sisters Say, Volume 1

❛❛ You won’t get along with your partner when you are hungry, tired or lonely. But that’s why. ❜❜ These sacred words were passed down to me on my wedding day when my oldest sister stared into the video camera knowingly and let it fly. Many is a time I’ve taken a state-of-being inventory since that day and benefitted from that helpful reminder.

❛❛ Stop bleaching your hair after 40. ❜❜ Two words. Cyndi Lauper. That lady may have just wanted to have fun and show us her true colors but those colors are fading fast and we need more, not less, as we get on in years. Yes, this means you, and Gwen Stefani doesn’t count because you’re not her. You’re welcome.

❛❛ You are capable of so much more. ❜❜ True, and you know it. Nothing raises the bar like someone else’s sky-high expectations of you, which is exactly where they should be.

And between us girls, you’re not living up to them, so how about you just go and do something about it.

❛❛ Spatchcock like you’re about to be executed. ❜❜ Want the ultimate winner chicken dinner? Cut the spine out of your bird and roast it in a 425-degree oven. You’ll be up to your crispy breasts in one hour. Google it. Full disclosure, this advice is a combination of a cooking tip from my baby sister and Jane Lynch’s monologue from the Roseanne Barr Comedy Central Roast. I think it works though, don’t you?

❛❛ Go get ’em. ❜❜ These words from one of my all-time favorite writing teachers, Marion Roach Smith (marionroach. com), who answers all self-doubting questions that begin “should I?,” or “is it too much?,” or “do you think I should?” with an unequivocal “Go get ’em.” So whether you are off to the PTA, an interview, euchre game, crochet class or the supermarket, show them how it’s done.

And there you have it. I’m sure you have a few choice words of your own that we can all live by, so why not share with the rest of the class? Post them on our Facebook page, facebook.com/HealthyLifeCTmagazine.

HL

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bra 411

Taking Care of

The Girls

a bra that fits will keep you looking and feeling good Photos: Dreamstime.com; Woman in bra, © Piotr Marcinski’ Pink bra, © Bialasiewicz.

by valerie foster

W

hen was the last time you were measured for a bra? Or perhaps the better question is: Have you ever been measured for a bra?

Dora Lau says chances are you haven’t, and if you were, it might have been when you got your first bra. For all too many women, that first size becomes their size for life, no matter how much prodding, pushing and stretching they have to do to make it fit. “Eighty-five percent of women are wearing the wrong size bra,” she says. And when it comes to bras, size really matters.

Lau should know. A spokeswoman for the Intimate Apparel Council, she has spent more than two decades designing bras for such giants as Victoria’s Secret and Lane Bryant. Today, she is president and founder of Curvy Couture, a California online bra manufacturer and retailer specializing in bras for fuller-breasted women.

“Above everything else, your bra should be comfortable,” Lau says. “It should not pinch your sides and back, your breasts should fit in the cups without spill-over, and the straps should be comfortable, not digging into your shoulders. If it’s not comfortable, it’s not a good fit.” Plus, poking underwires

can lead to formation of scar tissue in the breasts and a properly fitted bra can improve posture, staving off back and neck issues.

Karen Esposito agrees. “When your bra does not fit right, you find yourself constantly pulling on the straps, pulling the bra up or down to cover your breasts, or moving the band into a comfortable position,” she says. “A bra that fits properly is a bra that you never feel. That’s the goal.” Esposito founded In the Mood Intimates — another online intimate apparel store — eight years ago in her hometown of Fairfield.

Add two more reasons: a slimmer silhouette and more confident you! Pam Fitzpatrick, owner of the Candlelight Shoppe in Ridgefield, a town mainstay for almost 50 years, says: “When your bra fits well, your bust is high, where it should be, which Turn to gives you a waist and makes you naturally taller and thinner. Your page 76 breasts are not down near your to read all waist,” she says. “You gain immeabout bras. diate self-confidence. You just feel better about yourself.”

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bra 411 continued from page 75

Deconstructing

the bra

There’s more to a bra than meets the eye.

Meet the five parts:

So, what  The cups securely

 The band is the bra’s main support system.

When properly fitted, it should never pull, tug or make you sore. A band hiking up in the back signals it is too loose and the support is compromised.

If the underwires or front band are pulling away from your body and the bridge is not flat against your skin, that’s another sign the band is too loose.

hold your breasts, with no spillage below, above or on the sides of the cups, and no puckering or gaping in the cups.

size?

The answer to this question is not simple, since every bra manufacturer sizes bras differently. But all three experts agree that every woman should be measured by an expert once a year. Weight fluctuations, pregnancy, nursing, menopause and gravity all contribute to changing bra sizes.

Esposito offers bra-fitting parties throughout Fairfield County, where the wine that’s served usually abolishes inhibitions about the tape measure. Fitzpatrick is quick to point out that no one is judging your body. “I am just trying to find the most comfortable bra for my customers,” she adds.

Still not convinced? Victoria’s Secret offers these tips for measuring yourself:

 

Put on a comfortable non-padded bra, one that does not pinch or pucker.

 The center panel, or bridge, should lie flat on your skin, between your breasts.

Hold a soft tape measure around your back at band level. Bring it to the front, just above your bust. That number is your band size.

If the number is odd, round down to the closest even number.



Now measure around the fullest part of your bust, at nipple level. This is your bust measurement. If this measure is a fraction more than one-half, round up.



Subtract the band size from the bust measurement. This number equals the letter of your cup size. If there is no difference, you are a AA. One inch, an A. Two inches a B. And so on.

 Wings or side panels — on both sides of the bra under the arms — are there for support and to hold the cups in place.

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 The straps are for tweaking the bra’s fit. They come in many styles, including basic, straight over-the-shoulder, criss-cross and halter. Some are very thin, while bigger bra sizes often come with thicker, sometimes padded straps for comfort.

Remember, these are just estimates. Lau and Esposito both offer generous return policies, so if you order the wrong size bra online, getting a replacement is not a problem. If you are measured by an experienced person and not sure what size to order from their websites, both say customers should contact them. They can make adjustments for different bra manufacturers.

Lau offers this simple test to check if your bra has your breasts in the proper place:  Bend your arm at the elbow, forming a 90-degree angle.  Lay your arm across your middle.  Your breasts should be sitting halfway between your shoulders and your elbow.

Types of

bras



CONVERTIBLE bras have straps that can be rearranged into back criss-crosses, halter or traditional over-the-shoulders.

They all come with directions for rearranging the straps to fit your clothes.



 

DEMI OR BALCONETTE are not full-cup bras. They make more of a horizontal line across the top of the cups.

FRONT-CLOSURE BRAS lie completely flat on the back and are easier to fasten than traditional back-closure bras. In some cases, front fasteners are uncomfortable for fuller-breasted women.



Photos: Dreamstime.com; Dangling bra, © Olira; Bra fitting, © Otnaydur; Leopard bra, © Ruslan Kudrin; Sports bra, © Andrey Butenko; T-shirt bra, © Ruslan Kudrin; Underwire bra, © Ruslan Kudrin.



MINIMIZERS compress and shape the breasts, often giving a flatter, more spread-out shape and the illusion of being a cup or two smaller. Minimizers usually start at 34C and can be very comfortable for fuller breasts.



MOLDED-CUP bras give great support and lift, and provide the most nipple coverage. Molded bras are not the padded bras of yesteryear and are suitable for any-size breast. Today’s molding materials are lightweight and thin, allowing your breasts to move with you while providing a wonderful silhouette. Some molded bras come with a pocket inside the bra, which encases a removable pad, particularly helpful if your breasts are different sizes or you need a little extra oomph!!



SPORTS bras give support to the breasts, important during vigorous exercise. Some have racerbacks with front closures and shoulder straps that come over the shoulder in a V pattern close to the body





PUSH-UP bras lift and move breasts closer together, providing more cleavage. Often, push-ups contain foam, rubber or gel padding.

 

T-SHIRT bras are usually made with molded cups and are seamless, for a flawless look under light-weight fabrics.

UNDERWIRES: All three of our experts agree that, in most cases, underwires are preferable since they provide the most support and keep your girls looking perky. Underwires should never dig or cut into your body, and on the sides, should rest on your bone not your breast. If they are not comfortable that means the bra is not the proper fit. Following surgery, many doctors recommend you heal completely before wearing an underwire bra.



U-PLUNGES are used for clothes with deep, plunging necklines.

Really plunging!



Bra

care

All experts agree that hand washing is always preferable. If you refuse to hand wash, be sure to clasp the bra and put it into a lingerie bag before tossing it into the washing machine.

And never, ever, put bras in the dryer. The dryer’s heat fries the bra’s materials, making it lose the support your girls deserve. HL

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self-reflection

Grasping for

Happiness the key is to want what you have

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Learning with a Difference by melinda mcgarty webb

A

uthor W.P. Kinsella reportedly once said, “Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.” Maybe he was onto something.

We live in a society obsessed with more. Whether it’s a bigger house, a more expensive car, or the latest and greatest technological device, there’s always something we’re encouraged to want. But what happened to being satisfied with what we have? What happened to just being ... happy?

“It’s a misconception that happiness is based on what you have, though there’s sort of a marketing strategy that makes us think that if we buy more, have more, then we’re going to be happier,” says Laura Petiford, a marriage and family therapist with an office in Trumbull. “But that’s not how it works at all. It’s really a personal process. Knowing yourself, knowing what your needs are and being effective at meeting those are all part of it.

“People generally come in with complaints, and the problem feels like it’s outside of them and beyond their control,” she says. “So, I think as it relates to happiness, it’s important to recognize your own power and harness it.”

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, says people have the ability to “synthesize” happiness — in other words, we can make our own happiness. “We synthesize happiness, but we think it’s something to be found,” he says in a lecture posted online.

He discusses a 50-year-old experimental paradigm called the free-choice paradigm. In it,

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self-reflection

20+ appine s Tips to s H

1. Make happiness a priority.

2. Make plans to be happy.

3.

Set happy goals.

4. D o things that

make you happy.

9. Be curious.

10. Be grateful and appreciate what you have.

11. Learn to like and ideally to love yourself.

5. E ngage in tasks from

12. I nvest time and energy

6. Play and have fun.

13. Socialize and interact

which you’ll gain satisfaction.

7. Identify where your strengths lie.

8.

Utilize your strengths.

in your key relationships.

with others as much as possible.

14. Weed out unhelpful thoughts.

15. P lant happier, optimistic thoughts.

16. Live a healthy life.

17. Ensure you gain ad-

equate sleep and rest.

18. Manage your time and priorities.

19. Control what you can control.

20. Live in the present moment.

21. Make happiness an in-

tegral part of your life.

Provided by Dr. Timothy Sharp, author of The Happiness Handbook and founder of The Happiness Institute in Sydney, Australia. thehappinessinstitute.com

participants are asked to rank a series of six items — Monet prints, for example. The subjects are then told there are extra paintings (those they ranked third and fourth) and that they’re welcome to choose one to take home.

After some time has elapsed the subjects are asked again to rank the same paintings. In many cases, the print they chose to take home moved up in the order of preference, and the one left behind moved down. In essence, they had convinced themselves the print they had chosen was better than first imagined.

This is even more apparent in situations where we don‘t have the freedom to choose — where we’re stuck, he says.

“This is the difference between dating and marriage,” he continues. “You go out on a date with a guy and he picks his nose, you don’t go out on another date. But if you’re married to a guy and he picks his nose, then it’s ‘Aw, he has a heart of gold. ... Don’t touch the fruit cake!’”

But even if we convince ourselves we’re happier with our circumstances than we might otherwise have been, it can still be easy to get caught up in the “if only” line of thinking.

In other words, you may say, “If only I had more money in the bank, then I would finally be happy.” But will that really make you happy?

“The majority of existing research suggests that, when it comes to happiness, money brings diminishing returns. That

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is, when we’re talking about someone who doesn’t have enough money for even the basics — food, shelter, clothing — a little more money can actually increase happiness.

But once those basic needs are met, there is little to no relationship between money and happiness,” says Michael Andreychik, an assistant professor of psychology at Fairfield University.

One of the reasons this happens, he says, is that humans quickly adapt to the things around them. We rapidly become accustomed to things, and they become our baseline of what to expect.

“So, the new car you buy with your big raise may bring you happiness for a bit, but you’ll soon adjust to having the car and it will no longer affect your happiness,” he says. Plus, no matter what we buy, we can always compare ourselves to someone who has something better. That’s referred to as the “problem with” comparison.

Some say it’s impossible to build happiness based upon external circumstances. After all, jobs can be lost, wealth can be drained, and health can be fleeting. So how do we become happier? Can we make a conscious decision to change?

“As a social psychologist, I’m familiar with a wealth of research suggesting that people shape their own realities. But, I think it’s probably unlikely that a person can simply say ‘I’ll

Photos: Dreamstime.com; Woman leaping, © Erik Reis; Balloons, © Fabio Berti.

St Joseph be happy now,’ and that will lead to a long-term change in their happiness,” Andreychik says. “A much more fruitful route, I think, would be for a person to attempt to consciously affect some of the factors that we know lead to happiness.”

One is our relationships with others.

“We all have emotional and intellectual needs. We need some degree of support, whether that comes from a close-knit family or friends,” says Petiford. “We need it. That’s why a lot of people who are alcoholics find great comfort in A.A., because it’s a community of support.

It’s vital.”

Andreychik agrees. “Social relationships, in general, actually seem to be one of the most important contributors to happiness. Existing research has found that … happier people tend to be those with strong supportive social networks,” he says. “One reason for this may be because humans really are built to live in social units and so having strong social support systems fulfill a fundamental — some argue evolutionary — need. A second reason may be that having such supportive social networks help us to deal with the life issues and stressors that can sometimes make us less happy.”

Religion, or spirituality, also has been shown to affect happiness — for two very different reasons — Andreychik says. Organized religion provides social relationships with other members of the religious community. Religious or philosophical beliefs provide deeper meaning in people’s lives.

Being fully present and engaged in your life, and doing things you enjoy and at which you excel can also be beneficial, but that means something different to everyone. The key may be to find those activities that bring you joy, and that happiness will spill out into other facets of your life.

“Living in the moment allows one to capitalize on experiences, rather than, for example, worrying about tomorrow’s work day and missing out on the value of one’s current experiences,” Andreychik says. “People who work or volunteer doing things that make good use of their personal talents and abilities and allow them to approach interesting and personally meaningful goals also tend to be happier.”

Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, expresses similar sentiment in her book, The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want.

“The face of happiness may be someone who is intensely curious and enthusiastic about learning; it may be someone who is engrossed in plans for his next five years; it may be someone who can distinguish between the things that matter and the things that don’t; it may be someone who looks forward each night to reading to her child,” she writes. “Some people may appear outwardly cheerful or transparently serene, and others are simply busy. In other words, we all have the potential to be happy, each in our own way.”

HL

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relationships

Building Bridges navigating the waters from estrangement to reconciliation by elizabeth keyser

E

strangement hurts. We are, after all, social creatures and want to be close to others.

Feeling rejected, misunderstood or cast outside the family circle seems to diminish us at our core. So how do we get back in once we’re on the outs?

Therapists say reconciliation is a process — a long and arduous one. There’s no one route and it’s likely to be bumpy.

The guidance of a therapist is often necessary for the hard work of self-examination, honesty and change that must be achieved within before making an overture to an estranged family member or friend.

If you are estranged, know one thing: You are not alone.

Therapists say it’s almost inevitable, given the intensity and closeness of family relationships, and the fact that family members are often very different from one another. “Families are a very complicated unit,” says Nicholas Strouse, director and practicing clinical social worker at Westport Family Center.

It’s easier to reconcile with friends. “Friends can pick up where they left off,” says Mark Sichel, author of Healing from Family Rifts: Ten Steps to Finding Peace after Being Cut Off by a Family Member, and a family therapist. “They can tread more lightly. Family is much more fraught, much more powerful.”

Taylor Letendre of New Canaan says she made “enormous

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relationships

Therapists say

reconciliation is a process — a long and arduous one.

There’s no one route and it’s

likely to be bumpy.

Experts advise taking it slowly. “Time is a crucial element of reconciliation,” says Davis. Don’t dive into the renewed relationship with abandon. “I have my mother over for a certain time limit and I give myself plenty of time to recover from her, like a month or so,” she says.

Many therapists recommend not rehashing the past.

There are two versions of the story. There are layers of complicated, often contradictory and counterintuitive feelings.

“It’s such a raw topic,” Richard says.

A therapist can help us understand how and why the rift happened. A full-fledged rift occurs because of an injustice, says Sichel, between an “injustice collector” and a peoplepleaser. “The injustice collector is the king or queen of their imaginary kingdom. They hurl accusations.” The peoplepleaser has an overly developed sense of responsibility and a belief that they can fix the significant others in their lives.

Yet they are full of shame and self-doubt.

Tips on Reconciling There’s no one right way to reconcile, and sometimes it’s not possible or advisable, but for best outcomes, experts offer these tips:

84

 Do your homework.

It takes maturity, acceptance, sensitivity and judgment, compassion, honesty and accountability. Whew!

Working with a therapist is recommended.  Go slowly. Reconciliation is a long, slow pro-

healthylife

cess played out over time.  When reaching out, start with today. Apologize and move forward.

Don’t rehash.  Don’t be disappointed if your initial overtures are not met responsively.

The family member hasn’t had the same amount

of time to prepare that you’ve had.  Rebuild on safe, common ground.  Establish boundaries, meet for prescribed amounts of time and give yourself plenty of time to process (recover from) each meeting.

 Forgiveness is worthwhile even if you don’t reconcile with a family member. Freeing ourselves of bitterness and resentment is good for us. Start with having compassion for yourself, then widen the beam of your compassion upon your family.

Illustrations: People, © iStockphoto.com/rangepuppies; Bridge, © iStockphoto.com/mstay.

efforts to reconcile” with a family member for years, to no avail, but has recently reconciled with a friend. “I do find it much easier with friends,” she says, “They’re more forgiving.

The family dynamic is so deep.”

Laura Casale of Norwalk had been estranged from a friend for 20 years when she recently ran into him by chance. “I was shocked to see him. We ended up talking for an hour and we asked ‘Do you remember why we stopped being friends?’ It was probably over something really stupid.” Their renewed connection has been rewarding, “We’re at similar stages in our lives,” Casale says, “You learn so much in life. We’re more mature.” Technology is making it easier to reconnect with friends. Social media replaces a telephone call with a short message.

Family estrangement can seem like a black mark, but there’s no need to feel ashamed. “Estrangement is not a character flaw,” says Strouse, of Westport, “It doesn’t indicate pathology.” In fact, Sichel believes that “cut-offs” are becoming more common. “There’s more intolerance and small-mindedness,” he says. “There’s a belief in freedom and standing on convictions.” In the past, “People didn’t feel ‘entitled’ to break up.”

Nancy Richards was deluged with e-mails from people suffering from estranged relations with family members after she published Heal and Forgive II: The Journey from Abuse and Estrangement to Reconciliation. “Our society is rampant with estrangement,” she says. But she believes it’s nothing new. We’re just talking about it more.

Physical estrangement can be a necessary step that precedes reconciliation. “I don’t regret it for a second,” Richards says of the 15 years she didn’t see her mother. “It was one of the healthiest decisions I made. I worked with a therapist and I became so healthy I could come back and find a balance and have a relationship with my mother.” They’ve been reconciled for seven years.

But don’t expect a Hallmark moment. “The fantasy is that you both grow and change and renew a deeper, transformative relationship,” says Laura Davis, author of I Thought We’d Never Speak Again: The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation. “And that that does happen sometimes, but it’s not the most common outcome.”

Strouse says the person who is cast out of the family, the black sheep, might once have been the golden child who had to “live up to unrealistic standards.” Their successes pleased their parents, but brought a sense of competition and rivalry to siblings. Those feelings can intensify as children become adults. “Generally, the person who is estranged is the healthiest,” says Strouse. “They’ve been observing the family’s patterns,” he says. “They’ve gained the ability to attune to others’ pain and insight about their own pain. They seek help.”

People who reveal that they were sexually abused by a family member are often shut out by the family. Davis speaks of her first-hand experience and of others who were ostracized. Families have a strong desire to keep the status quo, the dynamics and equilibrium they are familiar with, no matter how dysfunctional. “They view the estranged one as the problem,” Davis says.

A people-pleaser can be an injustice collector, too. Davis writes about a woman who was cast out of her family because she came out as a lesbian. “She’d done nothing wrong. But her mistake was she hung on to her resentment. She relived it, sharpened it. She carried her resentment for 20 years.”

Author Ruth Brennen’s family reconciliation came almost too late. “My mother was in her 80s with dementia and she said to me, ‘Don’t I have a sister? How come she doesn’t visit me?’” Brennen explained that they’d had a rift long ago. Her mother replied, “I can’t remember what it was about. So it can’t have been that important. I’m so lonely for my sister.”

Brennen, as she recounts in Gathering Family, called her aunt, who came to visit. “They talked quietly,” Brennen, who lives in Trumbull, says. Watching them, she felt a sense of regret for her mother and her aunt, but also for the way the rift had infected her generation. “It split the family; everyone had to take sides. To this day, my cousin barely tolerates me.”

“The worst thing is to pass (the estrangement) on to the next generation, who had nothing to do with it,” says Davis.

Children can be used as weapons, says Sichel. “(Withholding the children is) a tool an adult child can use to hurt their parents,” he says. “I had a client whose son would not let her see his children, until one of them was diagnosed with autism and they needed her help.”

Richards, however, says it was her kids who pointed out the depth of dysfunction that had become normal to her.

“When my kids were 9 and 11, they said, ‘It’s not good for us to be around your mom.’ When I saw that her behavior was affecting my kids, I told my mother I couldn’t be around her anymore.”

But children also can bring families back together. “I negotiated a civil and cordial amnesty with my father so that my children could have a grandfather,” says Sichel. Did it last? “For a while,” he says. Davis reports a happier ending, “If you had told me 30 years ago that I would be my mother’s caregiver, I would have said you were crazy,” she says, “But I do it willingly and happily.”

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cover model

up close with...

Adrian ‘Penny’ Curtis A

by rebecca haynes | photo by krista hicks benson

drian “Penny” Curtis is determined not to become a statistic. Diabetes runs in her family, so she focuses on staying fit and eating a healthy diet not just to keep her weight down, but also to keep her numbers (cholesterol, blood sugar levels, etc.) in check.

The lifetime Stamford resident put a renewed focus on her lifestyle following some serious foot surgery that kept her from any activity for months. During that time, her weight crept up and her numbers started to worry her. Once she got the doctor’s OK, she started a major exercise push that she admits went overboard. She walked 10 miles or more a day and worked out to P90X or Billy Blanks DVDs. She also focused on her diet, taking nutritional shakes, eating lots of vegetables, cutting out soda and drinking more than a gallon of water every day. She also cut down on sweets and although she still needs her daily snacks, she relies on apples or on the small snack bags she creates at home to keep herself from over-indulging.

“At first it was hard, but then I’d just tell myself ’Adrian, eat the apple,’ and after a while I got used to it,” says the 49-year-old wife and mom to two grown children and two grown step-children.

What’s your favorite exercise? The treadmill, with my music on 20, very high! I can do that all day. … And I have to listen to reggae. Upbeat reggae. When I’m running outside I switch between my gospel and reggae, but the music has to be upbeat. No slow jams or sad songs — that’s for weight-lifting!

Describe your exercise regimen today? I rotate the P90X, now that I don’t have to follow the program but can just do it when I want. So one day I might do P90X and then I’ll do Insanity and another day Body Gospel. And if I don’t do one of those I’ll just lift dead weights.

How careful are you about what you eat? I’m not one of those people who makes all my food for the week on Sunday and then packs everything in the refrigerator. I’ll mix the tuna for lunch and bring it into work and make my sandwiches each day. I’ve cut out beef … and I’ve cut out pork. I’m not a

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vegetarian but I’m not really a chicken and fish person. So I’ve increased the vegetables and taken out a lot of the candy.

What are your fitness goals? I want to become the runner that I was in high school. And once my church (Community Temple in Norwalk) gets more organized, I want to bring fitness into our ministry. I want to be a motivational speaker and help out by doing fitness classes. I believe it can happen. We can come together with one goal in mind: Use the gym, put some music on and get moving!

You turn 50 this summer. Are you planning anything special to celebrate? I’m hoping (my family) is planning my surprise 50th birthday party. I put that out there and they’d better not play with me!

HL Clothing and accessories provided by Saks Fifth Avenue, Stamford Town Center. Above: blazer by Vince, v-neck by Dutch LLC, Lafayette 148 Inc jean, silver jewelry by John Hardy. On Page 76: Eileen Fisher ballet top with voiled wool jacket, skinny jean by Lafayette 148 Inc, and silver chain necklace and teardrop earrings

by Ippolita. On cover: suede dress by KAUFMANFRANCO, blouse

by Lafayette 148 Inc, leggings by Vince, crystal necklace by Nest Jewelry. Hair and makeup by the Christopher Noland Salon & Beauty Spa, 124 Greenwich Ave., Greenwich; Quinn Carroll, stylist; Elena Hristu, makeup artist. All cover and inside model photographs taken at The Avon Theatre, 272 Bedford St., Stamford.

Read more from Adrian’s interview at healthylifect.com

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