Women@Work Jan/Feb 2013

Don’t miss our next W@W Connect event at the College of Saint Rose! Details on pg. 40

C A P I TA L R E G I O N

A Times Union Publication capregionwomenatwork.com

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2013

Power Hour Make the most of your peak performance time

Talking the Talk Is your voice holding you back?

Stress Success

Keeping your cool at work AND at home

Penelope Andrews

Dean, Albany Law School

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Contents January/February 2013

www.capregionwomenatwork.com

@ WORK

pg. 20

10 Bitstream

41 Talking Points

Business tidbits for all

14 Tips from the Top Anne Saile on reinventing yourself

16 On the Cover

Review of the book Well Said!

58 The Last Word Workplace romances: How do you deal with them?

Albany Law School’s Penelope Andrews

18 Overbooked and Overwhelmed?

Tips to overcome job burnout

20 Talking the Talk Is your voice holding you back?

24 Cool Hand You Tips to prevent stress — and potential workplace outbursts

26 Power Outage Are you wasting your peak performance time at work?

Is your company in this issue?

@ HOME 43 Moms@Work Megan Willis on networking

45 Savvy Work Wear Dress for the job you want, not the one you have

48 Trauma Time Working when your personal life is falling apart

50 Meals on the Go

30 TweetBeat Why Twitter matters to you and your business

Price Chopper’s Christa Valentine on smart family meals

54 Getting Away

32 Family Ties Looking for Big Brothers and Big Sisters

What’s up in Mobile, Alabama

35 I Did It Rachel Dott on her cupcake empire

“

You have to know who you are and be comfortable with who you are.”

— Penelope Andrews, dean of Albany Law School

 ON THE COVER: Albany Law School President/Dean Penelope Andrews Photo by Suzanne Kawola.

6 | women@work

Albany Law School ����������������������������������������16 Albany Medical Center...................................20 Albany Medical College.................................18 Aras Performance Group................................26 Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region...........................................32 Capital Region Human Resource Association.................................45 Career By Design Consulting..........................45 Cicatelli Associates, Inc..................................18 Cocadotts Cake Shop.....................................35 College of Saint Rose.....................................20 Deb Best Practices................................... 26, 58 Delaney Vero, PLLC.........................................58 Healy Johnston, Inc........................................24 I’m the Boss of Me — From Excuses to Solutions................................................58 Price Chopper.................................................50 Profitable Speech: A Sound Investment..........20 Julie Purdy, Life Coach....................................48 Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.....................24 Resumes with Results....................................24 Rifenbery Training and Development.............24 Saile Group, LLC.............................................14 Siena College.................................................48 Skidmore College...........................................58 Leslie Trosset, Social Media Expert.................31 University of Albany................................ 25, 45 Vanilla Bean...................................................35 Call 518.454.5366 or e-mail jreynolds@ timesunion.com with your story ideas.

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editor's note

Talking Points M

any of us are reminded as young children to speak up. What women must learn in ways that are often different than men is to speak out.

It’s a task that can be additionally tricky if our voices send a message different from the words themselves, if, when we open our mouths, our voices are too soft or too high or too lilting. It can mean — unfortunately and unfairly — that our words get lost in the assumptions the listener makes. If our voice is high, for instance, we — and therefore our message — can be deemed too childlike to be taken seriously.

I remember the first time I heard my recorded voice. I was shocked. It sounded much higher than what I hear through my own head. I know there’s a scientific explanation for that, although I don’t

remember what it is.

What I took away from this moment, though, was that it’s important not only to prepare what I want to say but how I want to say it.

It’s a lesson I fine-tuned for the five years I did weekly radio commentaries for National Public Radio. Each time I got ready to record, I would take a deep breath and say the name “Debra Winger” in my head — a woman whose voice is decidedly lower than mine.

That strategy worked for me. We talked to experts about their best tips in our story on page 20. We hope you’ll join us on Jan. 8 for our Connect event, too. Dale Klein will give suggestions on making sure your voice is an asset and, of course, we’ll all talk up a storm. W

Janet Reynolds Executive Editor jreynolds@timesunion.com

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BITSTREAM

A Woman & Her Country T

he United States is not one of the top 10 countries for women, according to Forbes. Compiled by the World Economic Forum, the list “ranks the gender gaps of the world’s nation by health and survival, access to education, political empowerment and economic participation,” Forbes reports. The list includes Switzerland, Nicaragua, Denmark and the Philippines. source: tinyurl.com/ww13countries

Paid Time Off A

mericans aren’t taking their vacation time, according to WomenOnBusiness.com. Data compiled

by Rasmussen College shows nearly one in two Americans don’t use their allotted vacation days: “According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Americans gave up 226 million vacation days in 2011 with the average worker leaving two unused vacation days on the table. That equates to $34.3 billion worth of time lost on unused vacations,” reports Women On Business. source: tinyurl.com/ww13vaca

Most common reasons why vacations go unused

34%

15%

15%

“I can’t afford it”

“I don’t schedule for enough in advance”

“Work is my life”

Million Days 10 | women@work

$34.3 billion

Illustrations by Emily Jahn. Photos: Woman & Flag, © iStockphoto.com/Daniel Bendjy; Timer, © iStockphoto.com/nkbimages; Woman eating fruit, © iStockphoto.com/sjlocke.

Compiled by Brianna Snyder

Eye on the Prize D

istracted at work? Time magazine offers these suggestions for keeping your focus: • Plan ahead. Envision what you need to accomplish that day, make a list, prioritize it.

• Eat a good breakfast. It gives you energy!

• Meditate. Refresh your brain.

• Go offline. Ignore e-mail for an hour, shut the ringer off on your phone. Break out a pen and paper.

Shut out the busy, seductive Web. • Break things up. Rather than trying to take on a big project all at once, break your work up into small, manageable tasks.

• Set a timer. Spend 15 minutes on e-mail and move on to something else. Spend 15 minutes on that and move on to something else. Take a minute-long break in between each block to stretch and get a drink.

• Wear headphones. You don’t even have to play music if you don’t want to. But when colleagues see you’ve got headphones on, they’re much less likely to strike up distracting conversation. source: tinyurl.com/ww13focus

“

Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique; they are great because of their passion.

”

— Martha Graham, American Choreographer

Doggin’ It A

ccording to the Associated Press, 26 percent of Americans consider themselves procrastinators. In 1978, only 5 percent gave themselves that label.

(And it turns out men do it more than women: 54 percent of self-identified putter-offers are men.) Blame it on Facebook and texting and Tivo. Whatever. The important question is how do you stop?

According to the health site Greatist. com, an effective strategy is to restart your day at 2 p.m.: “Don’t let the whole

day be a wash if you fail to be productive in the morning. Re-assess what’s top priority in the afternoon and get it done with a fresh start,” the site says. If you can’t get yourself properly motivated to get work done on a big project, try accomplishing smaller tasks, Greatist recommends. Clear out your e-mail, file some old documents, be at least somewhat productive, which tends to spur more productivity. source: tinyurl.com/ww13procrastination continued on page 12 capregionwomenatwork.com | 11

BITSTREAM continued from page 11

”

— Indira Gandhi

The Glass Labyrinth A

hearty, healthy lunch but if you’re running out the door in the morning with no time to put together lunch, choose carefully at the office cafeteria.

Drink lots of water. It staves off appetite and keeps you hydrated.

Walk around, stand up and stretch whenever possible. If it’s possible to chat with someone in person instead of sending an e-mail, do it!

Socialize (a little). Having friendly exchanges with colleagues can reduce stress and promote work happiness, health and satisfaction.

Goals! Make lists and check off items as you accomplish them. That’ll keep you from being (too) overwhelmed and checking each thing off your list is motivating and rewarding all at the same time.

ccording to an Ernst & Young survey of 1,000 women living in the U.K., the “glass ceiling” concept is dead, or at least altered. Managementissues.com, a news and business blog, reports that the women in the survey cited many complex barriers in their professional lives that aren’t accurately represented by a glass ceiling. “The professional services firm says that the barriers aren’t chronological and can be experienced at anytime, often several at once,” the site reports.

Thirty-two percent of respondents said they found their age getting in their way more so than their gender (they were thought to be too young or too old for their positions) and 27 percent said they anticipate age biases being a problem for them in the future.

Nineteen percent reported that motherhood had presented difficult obstacles in their careers and 75 percent said they hadn’t had any or enough women role models. “Organizations need to ensure they are supporting women at every stage of their career life cycle, not just as they are about to enter the boardroom,” according to the site.

source: tinyurl.com/ww13health

source: tinyurl.com/ww13ceiling

Workplace Health W

e hate to tell you this, but giving up your daily dose(s) of coffee might make you feel better in the end.

According to MindBodyGreen.com, there are seven ways to stay healthy at work and the first is give up that buzz-inducing cup of caffeine, which usually results in a crash later in the day. It also dehydrates you and can upset your tummy.

The blog recommends drinking water or eating an orange instead.

Keep healthy snacks nearby, too. Nuts, fruits, hummus, carrots or celery sticks are all, healthful bites that’ll keep you from diving into a cheeseburger at lunch; plus they’ll keep your blood sugar steady and your energy up.

Skip bacon-egg-and-cheese croissants and go for all-fruit smoothies and veggie omelets for breakfast. Try to pack a 12 | women@work

Map Illustration by Emily Jahn. Photos: Relax, © iStockphoto.com/skynesher; Glass, © iStockphoto.com/almagami.

“

People with clenched fists cannot shake hands.

Wage Gap by the Numbers 25.1% 27.7% 24% 22.7%

33%

30.7%

30.2%

24.4%

31.7%

26.9%

W

e gave you the list of countries women should move to if they want the greatest opportunities in the world, and, no, the U.S. wasn’t in the top 10. If you’re planning on continuing to rough it here in America, here are the 10 states to avoid.

5. Washington: Women earn $13,979 less than men. 25.1% gender wage gap

1. Wyoming: Women earn $17,838 less (per year) than men.

33.3% gender wage gap

8. New Hampshire: Women earn $13,263 less than men. 24.0% gender wage gap

2. Alaska: Women earn $15,285 less than men. 26.9% gender wage gap 3. Louisiana: Women earn $15,130 less than men. 31.7% gender wage gap 4. Utah: Women earn $15,094 less than men. 30.7% gender wage gap

“

6. Massachusetts: Women earn $13,924 less than men. 22.7% gender wage gap 7. Virginia: Women earn $13,459 less than men. 24.4% gender wage gap

9. West Virginia: Women earn $13,327 less than men. 30.2% gender wage gap 10. North Dakota: Women earn $12,955 less than women.

27.7% gender wage gap source: tinyurl.com/ww13gap

There’s a special hell for women who don’t help each other.

”

— Madeleine Albright, Former U.S. Secretary of State capregionwomenatwork.com | 13

tips from the top

Reinventing Yourself

Anne Saile is an award winning CEO, entrepreneur, executive coach, author and owner of the Saile Group LLC, a leadership and business consulting company. For more information, visit www.sailegroup.com.

Photo by Joan Heffler.

By Anne Saile

H

ave you noticed how many women are reinventing their careers? It happens for numerous reasons. Maybe it’s that we move or that our job isn’t challenging enough. Sometimes we just feel pulled to do something else — something completely different. I know this feeling.

I went from running multimillion-dollar health care enterprises to building my own company. It began as a leadership consultation business, something I know very well. As I found myself providing advice to women in the midst of career transition, I began to realize I wanted to follow my own guidance. I wanted to combine something I know a lot about with something I’m interested in doing.

Here’s what I knew: State and federal governments were raising participation requirements of women- and minorityowned businesses in the contracts they were awarding. Major corporations were moving in the same direction with diversity programs and sponsor relationships.

I knew I possessed the skills, vision, networks and track record to build successful companies. I knew I could make strategic business decisions and deliver results. I wanted to find ways to elevate women in leadership positions, especially in fields where women are vastly underrepresented. So I decided to pursue a new business idea and to reinvent myself.

I would use my experience, expertise and resources to provide the materials and services to the markets in most need of diverse suppliers. The result?

The birth of a new business model: I’ve combined my management passion with becoming a certified Women Business 14 | women@work

Enterprise (WBE) that provides services and materials to markets seeking to increase diversity spending — including industrial construction and government contracting.

This idea came to me while making the decision not to stay in the health care field where I’d spent my entire career. I decided to follow my belief that women should step into areas that create new pathways for success. I’m also married to someone who’s worked in the industrial construction market for years and serves as a great mentor. Listening to the challenges he encounters helped me define needs in the marketplace. This reinvention has been exciting and challenging.

We’ve already enjoyed many successes.

I’m not alone in my quest. Many women eye career change. Here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way about reinvention that may help you determine if it’s right for you: 1. Find a mentor. Connect with someone who’ll share the tricks and traps of what your change involves.

2. Take time to think about what you want, why you want it and what success will look like. Consider what type of foundation you’ll need to build in order to make the change. It helps to connect with people already in the business you’re looking at to see if it’s something you feel you’ll be good at.

3. Keep fear at bay. Fear and success can’t coexist. It’s natural to have fear when going through a change, but it’s just about impossible to be successful if fear keeps you from taking

the necessary risks. Instead of saying “I can’t do that,” try saying “What will it take for me to do that?”

4. Tell trusted friends what you’re considering and ask them for honest feedback and to help you think of a strategy to make the change. Success is not a solo act — neither is career reinvention.

5. Wait to share information with the world about your new path until you’re sure it’s the right one for you.

Then get your elevator speech ready to go. Help people who know you as, say, a lawyer get to know you as a trainer. I know a woman who’s gone from being an executive assistant to managing a shop that sells fabric and teaching people to quilt because that’s her passion.

6. Slowly and carefully, let the new you develop a new brand. Do this thoughtfully. Using social media is a perfect way — if done well — to let people know what you’re up to.

7. Toss out the idea that taking on something new means abandoning everything you did before. It’s possible to do more than one thing. I like to help people grow businesses and shape their careers so I continue to coach executives. I’ve dreamed of writing for a magazine since I was a little girl and I love writing this column. But I love breaking new ground in a variety of industries, too.

The act of reinventing a career can be scary, but when you hit on the right idea, it’s exhilarating. W

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on the cover

On Women’s Rights Albany Law School’s first woman president and dean: Penelope Andrews

Andrews’ top tips for success: • Be the best you can be.

• Be resilient.

• Be able to take disappointments and setbacks and shake it off and move ahead.

• Focus on the positive and surround yourself with fun people who know when to take themselves seriously and when not to.

• Know who you are and be comfortable with who you are.

By Brianna Snyder | Photo by Suzanne Kawola

W

omen are at the center of Penelope Andrews’ life and career.

“A lot of writing that I do has to do with women’s rights, but also about law and constitutions,” Andrews says in an interview at her Albany Law School office. She is the first woman president and dean of the university in the school’s 160 years, as well as author of several books on the subject of women’s rights and law and constitution (one of which includes a foreword written by Nelson Mandela).

Andrews was born and raised in rural Cape Town, South Africa. Raised by nuns in an all-girls Catholic school, Andrews says she was unique among her peers and family. “I’m the only one in my family who finished high school,” Andrews says. “I think that of the people who went to high school with me, I might be the only one of few who went to university to become a professional.”

That was in the 1960s, when, Andrews says, “upwardly mobile black girls were

The Download on

Penny Andrews Title: President and dean of Albany Law School Age: 58 Hometown: Cape Town, South Africa Family: Single Lives In: Albany Guilty Pleasure: “Junk TV. The whole Law and Order thing. Anything where someone’s being murdered and they have to solve the crime. … I love The Good Wife.”

Surprising Fact: “If I could relive my life I’d be a stand-up comedian.” Andrews is a fan of Wanda Sykes, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert, Jon

going to be secretaries and nurses,” perfectly fine careers, she notes. Her point was that options for ambitious careerminded women were few.

“It’s interesting that education, when you look back, it’s the most seminal influence in your life,” she says. “When I decided to go to law school (and do) everything that I’ve done in terms of my own career … it is those values that were instilled in me so early” that led to success, she says.

Andrews received a scholarship at Columbia University in 1984 and from there she went to Melbourne, Australia, to teach law. She spent about 12 years there altogether, she says.

While there, she became aware of the violence against indigenous women, experiences that helped shape how she sees law in general and how it relates to women in particular.

A

ndrews’ CV is six pages long. She’s taught law in New York City, Mel-

Stewart, D.L. Hughley, John Oliver, Tina Fey and lots more. “My favorite movie of all time is M.A.S.H.,” she says. “Elliott Gould was brilliant. … I literally can’t tolerate any form of snobbery; it’s the irreverence that I really like about it.”

If she had it her way: “I would’ve spent more years in practice than in the academy. I became a legal academic but I think if I had been a practitioner for a longer time, then I think that maybe it would have been a richer career.”

What excites her about her job: “Just about everything. The fact that I’m solving problems all the time and that I get to engage with smart, enthusiastic people, and that I’m actively involved in leading and shaping a very fine institution.”

bourne, Baltimore, South Africa, Germany and Canada. In 1995, she won the Women of South African Achievement Award from the South African-American Association. She was honored in 2004 as a scholar in residence at the Rockefeller Conference and Study Center in Bellagio, Italy. In October of last year she won the Haywood Burns-Shanara Gilbert Award at the North East People of Color Conference (NEPOC) at Suffolk Law School in Boston, an award given annually to a law professor who uses his or her scholarship and teaching to improve the lives of people of color. And in 2005 she was a finalist for a vacancy on the Constitutional Court of South Africa, the highest court in South Africa on constitutional matters.

Andrews’ newest book, From Cape Town to Kabul: Reconsidering Women’s Human Rights, was published this past December. “It’s basically a book that really looks at what government can do to change the lives not just of middle-class women but all women, including women who identify very strongly with their religious beliefs, indigenous women and poor women,” she says.

How does she find the time to be a dean, an activist, an author and a professor? “I don’t have children. I’m single, and I enjoy it,” she says. And she loves Albany and her new position as president of the school.

“I’m most interested in sort of shaping future generations and educating future generations of lawyers who are going to be leaders in the corporate sector, the legal sector and policy in government,” Andrews says. “That’s one of the joys of my job because that’s what I get to do as a professor and as a dean now. I like it because I feel like I’m involved in something that’s larger than myself and it allows me a platform to really make a contribution.” W capregionwomenatwork.com | 17

Overbooked and Overwhelmed?

Tips to overcome job burnout

Y

ou’re spread as thin as phyllo dough. It seems as if you can’t catch up, people don’t understand your situation, and there’s no help in sight. Maybe you’re sleeping or eating too much or hardly at all. You feel fatigued, anxious, hopeless, helpless, cynical and apathetic. Your emotions are blunted. You disengage from others, becoming less involved and less effective.

If this sounds familiar, you might be 18 | women@work

experiencing the effects of burnout. Occupational burnout — the cumulative effect of stress in the workplace — is typically characterized by increased absenteeism, diminished interest in responsibilities and physical or emotional exhaustion, says Melanie Steilen, director of nursing education at CAI, a nonprofit organization that offered burnout training in Albany in October for case managers.

“It stems from a person’s perceived

inability to meet the demands of a particular situation,” Steilen says. “Research suggests that health care expenditures are nearly 50 percent greater for workers who report high levels of stress.”

Special-education teachers, AIDS and abuse counselors, and physicians are particularly prone to burnout. Mothers are prime candidates, says Albany Medical College psychiatry professor Robin Tassinari.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/erikreis.

By Laurie Lynn Fischer

“Burnout is the result of a situation in which you experience considerable stress and not much relaxation and you’re working too hard and you don’t feel valued,” he says. “Mothers have, over the years, taken on much more than they ever did in the past. A mother has to be a nurse, an educator, a cook and do the shopping. Often she has her own job, and many times she has to take care of her own parents.

When the kids get sick and have to go home, most of the time, it’s the mom that has to leave her job to come home. Mothers are placed in a very tough spot. That’s a lot for anyone to have to do.”

Though it’s not a formal psychiatric disorder in the U.S., burnout can lead to

Don’t Distress, De-stress Feeling a little too crispy these days? Here are some professional tips for lowering your stress level. “Identifying and changing irrational beliefs can reduce stress and open a whole new world of acceptance and discomfort tolerance,” says licensed clinical social worker Richard E. Madden.

Try and catch yourself if you have stress-inducing thoughts such as: • Things shouldn’t be this hard.

• I can’t stand it.

• I must do perfectly well and not make mistakes.

• They shouldn’t treat me this way.

• It’s not fair.

• I should be more successful.

• This is awful.

• I’ve got to get out of here.

depression and even feelings of suicide, Dr. Tassinari says. “You can have the best situation at work and get depressed, whereas with burnout there are definite stressors,” he says. “It’s important to recognize burnout early and figure out a way to deal quickly with it so one doesn’t develop a depressive disorder or start drinking. If it persists and depression develops, it can cause you to lose your job; thus your finances, your mental health, career and your marriage are threatened.”

B

urnout isn’t just a mental problem, Tassinari says. “If you’re in a burnout situation, you can get physical mani-

position. It can be gardening, watering plants or tinkering with the car.

• Take mini-breaks. Shifting gears periodically helps our brains work better so we accomplish more.

• Keep a journal.

• Be attuned to your needs in any given moment. Reflect on what matters and gives your life meaning.

Nursing educator Melanie Steilen advises: Diaphragmatic breathing and progressive muscle relaxation are effective and only take minutes.

• Vary daily tasks whenever possible.

• Work with your employer to ensure that you have clear assignments and specific duties.

Social worker Catherine Gayron gave these self-care ideas:

Find out what works for you, says Albany Medical Center psychiatrist Robin Tassinari, whose personal favorite stress relief is driving. These are his suggestions:

• Graze. Heavy meals are hard to digest.

• Stay hydrated and non-caffeinated.

• Any exercise helps, even if it’s just stretching at your desk or in the hallway.

• Meditation isn’t just sitting in lotus

• Do crosswords • Walk • Learn self-hypnosis • If there’s no relaxation room in your workplace, demand one!

festations,” he says. “You can develop hypertension. We see people get headaches. Your blood pressure and pulse may increase. People may become at risk for cardiovascular illnesses, including heart attacks. Your immune system may be adversely affected as well.”

Our bodies produce fight-or-flight hormones such as adrenaline, cortisol and norepinephrine, says Catherine Gayron, who facilitates a stress reduction group in Troy. “Physiologically, these are toxic to us, but we’re trying to survive a stressful situation,” she says.

“Our body doesn’t know the difference between a bear chasing us or our boss breathing down our neck.”

Everyone has a different capacity for what they can manage, says Gayron.

“Self-care is not valued in our culture,” she says. “Our society has a strong work ethic. People want to do well. In the Northeast, you have a very fast pace of life. It’s a perfect storm as far as burnout.

We’re expecting more from people. Many clients who come in are working longer, more demanding hours and getting paid less. There’s just so much any human being can manage.”

A leading cause of burnout is “musterbation” says licensed clinical social worker Richard E. Madden, who has offices in Slingerlands and Catskill. Musterbation is thinking that you actually need what you really only want (approval, success, comfort) and thinking that you must not get what you don’t want (disapproval, difficulty, discomfort).

“Humans seem to naturally and irrationally escalate desires into demands,” Madden says. “This self-defeating tendency may be the single greatest cause of most human emotional disturbances, including work and relationship burnout. It may be fine to leave dissatisfying jobs or love relationships, but by learning to change perspective, people can also choose to grow and bloom where they’re planted.” W capregionwomenatwork.com | 19

Talking the Talk What to do if the sound of your voice is holding you back

By Cari Scribner | Illustrations by Emily Jahn

W

e’ve all been there. Maybe it’s a meeting or perhaps it’s a seminar. The place doesn’t really matter. The key is the speaker. She opens her mouth to relay her information and as soon as she does, almost everyone in the room stops listening. Her voice — not the message — literally turns people off.

Having a voice that’s too high-pitched or too soft or too nasal works against men and women. But women, who already struggle to be taken seriously in many businesses, can be additionally negatively affected by having a voice more like Chandler Bing’s annoying nasal-voiced girlfriend Janice on Friends than Debra Winger or Lauren Bacall.

Rebecca Rosen, communication disorders center manager and licensed speech language pathologist at Albany Medical Center, says it’s important to realize our 20 | women@work

voices are designed to be a certain unique pitch. “We all have a range within our bodies based on how we’re engineered, and while we have some latitude up and down in pitch, it may not be enough to be perceptible,” Rosen says. “That said, it is true that people with excitable voices or higher pitches are viewed as younger and therefore less experienced.”

Dr. Jessica Sofranko, assistant professor at the College of St. Rose (CSR) in the Department of Communication Sciences and Disorders and licensed speech language pathologist, recently concluded a research study on whether higher-pitched voices are perceived as less authoritative by average listeners.

The test group, comprising both men and women, listened to voices without a visual accompanying them. Sofranko’s results? Listeners pegged male voices as having the most authority, while high-

pitched, falsetto voices ranked lowest on the scale.

Vocal pitch is established primarily by gender and genetics, so if you have a tendency to sound like a teenager even though you’re a well-established businesswoman, part of this is luck of the draw. Male and female voices both deepen during puberty; how much they change varies person to person. The good news is you can compensate — at least to an extent — for what genetics gave you, and being aware that you may be commanding less attention vocally is the first step.

“Women don’t need to start talking like men to be listened to in the workplace and have their words taken seriously,” Sofranko says. “But if you have a woman launching her own business, her voice must command authority in male-dominated industries. Women need to address

Speaking Up

A March 2010 AdweekMedia/Harris Poll noted the following results of participants asked to listen to male and female voiceovers in commercials:

48% said the male voice was “more forceful”; only 2% chose the female

Many of us open our mouths to speak in the workplace only to discover that what comes out sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks. If your voice is naturally evenly-pitched, there’s a good chance it’s your nerves — not your vocal timbre — that are robbing you of your authentic voice.

Here are some tips to help you sound your best every time you speak up: • Drink plenty of fluids to keep your vocal cords hydrated.

• Breathe! Pace yourself and take breaths between sentences. Pausing also makes a bigger impact on what you’re saying.

48% said the female voice was “more soothing”; only 8% chose the male

• Don’t overuse or strain your voice. Sing moderately in the shower, scold your kids without yelling, and cheer on your favorite team without shrieking. A strained voice will sound raspy or uneven, even if you’re not nervous when speaking.

• Don’t smoke.

Both were found equally “persuasive.”

For major purchases, authority trumped “soothing” or “persuasive.” Respondents chose the male voice three to four times more often when asked which voiceover was “more likely to sell them” on buying a car or computer. 28 percent of respondents said the male voiceover would more likely help to sell them on buying a car, and 23 percent said they would be more likely to buy a computer based on the male voice. Only 7 percent chose the female voice for either situation.

these disparities.”

Vocal therapy — everything from laryngeal massage to imagery — is one option for women who are really concerned.

“We use massage to target the muscles in the throat and lengthen vocal folds,” Sofranko says. “If you’re speaking from the front of your mouth, chances are it will sound squeaky, but if you’re speaking from your chest, it will be more resonant.

Humming is a good way to understand where your breathing and sound is coming from.”

Non-verbal strategies can also help you command more attention when you speak, particularly in the workplace.

“Presentation skills are a large part of

effective communication,” Sofranko says. “Use your hands when speaking to emphasize points, but try not to overdo it. Always be prepared when addressing a group. Slow down. Be aware of your facial expressions. There’s an overall communication that takes place in every exchange, and it involves much more than pitch or tone of voice.”

Accents, whether they’re Southern, British or from the Bronx, can also prevent people from taking you seriously at work. Jack Pickering, director of the Department of Communication Sciences and Disorders at CSR, says accents can pose barriers to communication, which can be problematic. continued on page 22

• Determine if reflux is contributing to your uneven voice. Spicy foods can cause acid to back up into your esophagus, irritating your vocal cords and causing your voice to fluctuate. See your doctor for more information.

• Make statements; don’t ask questions. Imagine periods at the end of your sentences, not question marks, unless you’re genuinely asking a question. Women in particular tend to end their sentences on a higher pitch, which makes them sound as if they’re looking for constant feedback.

• Ask for feedback on how you sound when speaking. Most people dislike the sound of their own voice when it’s recorded, in part because it differs so much from how we hear ourselves speaking. We hear our own voice through bone vibrations in our skull, so our audible voice will always sound odd to us.

Ask a friend to (nicely) critique your voice — it may not be as squeaky or high-pitched as you imagine.

• Be aware of “fillers,” the sounds you make between words to fill space, such as “um, ah, eh.” Try and limit these; focus instead on the content of what you’re conveying. source: Dr. Jessica Sofranko, assistant professor at the College of St. Rose capregionwomenatwork.com | 21

continued from page 21

U

nfortunately, when sound gets in the way of the message, the listener can also assume the speaker is less intelligent. “When there’s an initial inability to understand, people make assumptions,” Pickering says. “Everyone needs to understand the English language differs greatly from other native tongues. Some letters aren’t even in other languages. Tonality differs as well. French and Spanish languages flow musically. English is very choppy; it’s not melodic.”

Vocal coaches working on accent reduction begin by helping the speaker understand the rules and structure of the English language to help improve diction and enunciation. Then it’s a matter of drilling, practicing and memorizing to emulate clear English.

“It’s hard work,” Pickering says. “It’s much easier learning language as a child.

Parents correct their children when they mispronounce or mumble.”

The object isn’t to “Americanize” everyone’s speaking voice, thereby erasing the unique international ethnic heritage of voices and intonation, Pickering says. “Our goal isn’t to get everyone speaking flatly and accent-free,” Pickering says. “I like the Southern accents and I’d like to see these, and others, appreciated by everyone in the room for their authenticity.” W 22 | women@work

Visit capregionwomenatwork.com to get a preview of Dale’s voice-coaching techniques in our exclusive online video, filmed at Cotton Hill Studios in Albany.

Pitch Too High? Tips from Dale Klein Dale Klein is a speech pathologist and owner of Profitable Speech: A Sound Investment, in Clifton Park. She works with clients locally, nationally and internationally, who have concerns about their voices.

Klein stresses that if you have any concerns about your voice quality, you should first see a vocal pathologist to rule out any physiological abnormality, in which case voice therapy could be contraindicated. If it’s safe to proceed, Klein suggests these two exercises for women looking to add resonance to a high-pitched voice.

The Marionette: This exercise is done while safely seated. Let your chest drop towards your legs, bending at the waist, leaving your arms loose and hanging. Then, recite some words, count, or say the alphabet. In this position, you will feel the vibration of resonance and pitch in your chest. You can also hear the vibrations of sound from deep in your chest. Next, slowly sit

up straight while replicating the same sounds.

Speaking from the chest differs from speaking from your throat, which can sound high-pitched, shrill and less resonant.

The Yawn-Sigh: This exercise is designed to relax the throat and larynx, causing more resonant, lower pitched sounds as you speak.

To start, yawn in an exaggerated manner, making an audible yawn, then exhale and sigh loudly. This opens up the entire oral cavity, bringing sound from deep in your throat. Next, add words while exhaling. Notice the different vibrations in your chest and throat as you speak during the exhalation.

Want more tips on effective speaking?

Come to the free Women@Work Connect event with Dale Klein at the College of Saint Rose on Tuesday, Jan. 8, from 5-7:30 pm. For details, and to register, visit womenconnect.eventbrite.com.

Photo by Julia Zave.

“It’s important that people clearly understand what’s being said without constantly having to ask that words be repeated,” Pickering says. “I think about the Tech Valley movement in the Capital Region, and people coming from all parts of the world. Part of their job is to communicate well with one another.”

Accents from regions within the U.S. can cause the listener to generalize about and/or stereotype the person who is speaking. Just remember what Professor Higgins assumed about Eliza Doolittle during her Cockney phase in My Fair Lady.

“Speaking with a Southern accent may make people believe you’re very genteel but also not as serious,” Pickering says.

“Someone with a Brooklyn accent will be perceived in an entirely opposite light.”

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Cool Hand You

Tips for reducing stress — and potential outbursts

I

t’s 2:30 in the afternoon. You have a pile of work on your desk that has to be finished before you leave.

Your boss is giving you grimacing looks through the glass doors. An obnoxious co-worker won’t stop sending you emails and dropping by your desk. The final straw is when you spill an entire cup of coffee on your keyboard and your lap.

While you might feel as if you want to scream, cry, quit your job and/or go into the fetal position, another option does exist: keeping your cool. The key, experts say, is to maintain your calm before stress takes over. Doing that, they say, will help prevent reactions you might later regret.

It doesn’t matter if you are the owner, manager or employee, stress is part of working. Sometimes it comes from things we can’t control, such as work overload, an unsafe environment, frustrating co-workers and inept bosses, lack of 24 | women@work

feedback or ambiguity about your responsibilities. Other times it comes from life’s inevitable, unexpected glitches.

Maintaining your calm comes, at least in part, from recognizing — and controlling — the things you actually can influence and keeping perspective about the things you can’t change.

A survey about work-related stress by the American Psychological Association found that 62 percent of Americans say work has a significant impact on their stress levels. And 52 percent of them say work is more stressful than home.

The impact of stress can reach far beyond the cubicle. The American Institute of Stress says job-related stress costs U.S. industries more than $300 billion yearly because of accidents, absenteeism, employee turnover, insurance expenses and workers’ compensation awards.

And when stress gets really out of hand,

violence can occur. On average, 20 workers are murdered each week in the United States, making homicide the secondhighest cause of workplace deaths and the leading one for females.

As a former corporate human resource manager, Stephanie Staff has seen many overworked and inundated individuals on the brink of collapse. In today’s economy, companies are doing more with less — everything from fewer people to less equipment and fewer rewards for a job well done. These realities just compound a job that by its very description can be stressful.

The first step to everyday calm is getting organized, she says. “Most people just didn’t even know where to start to get their schedule together,” says Staff, career coach and owner of Resumes with Results in Glenmont. “Using time management and organizational skills sounds

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/skynesher.

By Lee Nelson

Is your workplace life a breeze but your personal life is falling apart?

Get ideas for what to do in Trauma Time on page 48. so generic. But by creating a plan for every day and allocating specific amounts of time for each task, it breaks it all up to make things seem possible.”

Separating projects into those with short-term and those with long-term deadlines can help you prioritize and reduce stress. “You will be able to check things off on a list and see how productive you can be. That gives you positive reinforcement to keep going,” Staff says.

“Every morning, create that list. Check your e-mail right away and then don’t do it again for a few hours. If you can, turn off your ringer on your phone for a while, too. You won’t get distracted by things you can’t manage at that time.”

Taking time to learn what triggers emotional reactions can also help you stay calmer at work, says Susan Freeman.

general, for all occupations, the two most important ones are your ability to handle your emotions and conscientiousness,” Freeman says.

S

ometimes the smartest move to maintaining calm is to take a time-out.

Step back, slow down the moment, and reflect and prioritize, suggests international corporate speaker Jay Rifenbary.

“You need to figure out what is creating that stress and what resources do you have to reduce it,” says Rifenbary, owner of Rifenbary Training & Development in Saratoga Springs and author of No Excuse! – Incorporating Core Values, Accountability and Balance into Your Life and Career.

“Making a conscious effort to do what you enjoy at that moment can help you stop the stress from growing.”

Job-related stress costs U.S. industries more than $300 billion a year due to accidents, absenteeism, employee turnover, insurance expenses and workers’ compensation awards. — THE AMERICAN INSTITUTE OF STRESS She is president of Healy Johnston, Inc., a management and technology consulting firm in Saratoga Springs, and also an adjunct professor of management and marketing at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.

“Patience can definitely help you deal with stuff in the workplace. Not only will it keep you calmer, it also gives you a sense of distraction,” she says.

Say someone at work gives you a hard time about a particular project.

Freeman suggests listening with your mind while also taking a step back and viewing the situation from a third person’s point of view. Doing this makes the moment less personal, which can help you better hear what is going on and react less personally.

Freeman says five personality traits are critical to work success. They include self-management of emotions, conscientiousness, openness to new experiences, originality and agreeableness. “In

The time-out, suggests Rifenbary, can be anything from calling a friend to taking a walk to just shutting your office door and playing your favorite songs. “Some employees are just living for retirement, and yet they still have 26 years to go,” he says. “That’s crazy. Work is what you make of it.”

Walking away from the problem — or problem person — for a while can be a temporary but effective solution to de-escalate a situation, says Staff. “Get a cup of coffee,” Staff says. “Go to the lunchroom and talk with a fellow co-worker that you like. By re-grouping and resetting your mind, you can then go back and focus on getting the job done.”

If you are in a place where you can go outside and get some fresh air and sunshine, do it, she adds. “It may sound silly, but taking deep breaths gives you a calming effect. You can also manage your stress better if you exercise before you go into work or right afterward,” Staff says.

“Physical fitness just gets those good chemicals flowing in your body.”

Learning mental or physical exercises to calm your breathing can also help provide enough calm to allow you time to reorganize your thoughts, says Janet Marler, associate professor of management and chair of the management department at SUNY Albany. “Go out and have a nice lunch, too. Get away from the things that are driving you nuts,” she says.

Y

ou don’t have to like everybody at work, but you need to be an adult.

“You can respect the fact that you all have to work together. You need to remain professional. There’s nothing worse than being unprofessional,” Staff says.

If someone says something demeaning or strikes a bad chord with you and you feel you cannot communicate professionally yet, tell her that you need to digest the conversation and that you will get back to her. “Tell (her) that you need to think on this. It gives you time to clear your head and lets you keep your mind on what is important without doing or saying something you will regret,” Staff says.

It’s about controlling what you can control. You can’t change people’s personalities; you can only change yourself or your actions. “One of the things that experience tells us is that it’s not worth engaging in petty games,” Freeman says.

Building a good relationship with your supervisor is also important in reducing work stress. “You can get all kinds of flexibility that you might not normally get if you have a good relationship with your boss,” Marler says. “You might surprise them by being kind and listening. If you treat some people well, they will treat you well in return. It’s worth a try.”

It’s also a good idea to stop blaming others for your stress on the job. “So many employees blame the boss of the company,” Rifenbary says. “But you have to have a personal accountability. Don’t use someone else as the reason you are stressed. You need to reflect back to yourself and see what you are doing about the problem to do a better job.” W capregionwomenatwork.com | 25

Power Outage Are you wasting your peak performance time at work?

I

s there a time of the day when you feel you’re working at peak performance? More importantly, do you take advantage of this time, producing work that moves you forward? Or do you fritter it away checking e-mail, doing tasks that don’t require your full attention, i.e. could be done just as successfully at a time when you’re not at your best?

A power hour is — or at least should be — the time you carve out to do the highest-payback tasks, a time when you’re full of energy, attitude and focus.

How to make the best of your power hour comes down to understanding peak performance, preparation, prioritization and productivity.

The first step is acknowledging your 26 | women@work

peak performance time. At what point of your day are you the most alert, most energized, and most able to accomplish a lot? This is should be your take-action time, when you’re firing on all cylinders.

While anecdotal work chatter — from businesspeople, self-help gurus and business strategists alike — suggests this power hour is the first of the day in the office, making that assumption about yourself can be a big mistake. Sure, some people attack their most important work right when they get to the office, but that isn’t true for everyone. Many prefer instead to check their e-mail, surf the Web, chat with coworkers, and make a to-do list — none of which are good use of a power hour.

“Everyone is different, and we all have our most important performance times.

I’m not a morning person,” says Betty DiMaria, CEO and performance strategist at Aras Performance Group in Troy.

“My power hour is probably 4 to 5 in the afternoon. Your power hour might be different on different days.”

It is important, then, to pay attention to when you produce your best work and when you’re most effective, so that you can allocate the work that occurs in those time frames accordingly. And evaluate yourself continually.

“Give yourself a break if that time doesn’t work one day,” says DiMaria.

“Women have a lot of other obligations in our lives, other pushes and pulls. It’s

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/Björn Meyer.

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“

calendar for her coworkers to see, and they, in turn, are respectful of that time.

“Make a meeting with yourself,” she says. “Treat it the same way you would a meeting with your boss or a client.

You’ll perform better and be more productive, and people will respect that.

There will always be things that come up, but then reschedule the meeting with yourself.” If you don’t schedule it, you’ll get lost in work and before you realize it, it’s 5 o’clock.

Finally, prioritize to maximize productivity. The purpose of a power hour is to completely focus on the one task, or two or three, that most benefits you and your job. What is the most important task you need to accomplish that day? This will be different for each individual and may differ every day. Have a plan for the hour, and have any necessary materials at hand.

What you shouldn’t be doing during this hour are routine tasks such as answering e-mails, returning phone calls, or creating a to-do list. Your best hour in the day should be less about catch-up/ administration and more about advancement/productivity.

“I think you should always be prioritizing your work, and making sure you’re not being distracted by things that aren’t essential,” says DiMaria. “That may differ from day to day. Some days it may be

answering a very important e-mail.”

Discovering your best hour to work and then actually using it smartly is critical to growing your business or helping propel yourself up the career ladder. Do something you may have been avoiding.

Brainstorm. Take stock of the important aspects of your work. Touch base with those clients and customers you cannot get to during your regular busy day, setting meetings and lunches that will further your career.

It’s difficult to focus 100 percent for a full hour. Minds naturally wander so have paper and pen nearby and jot down thoughts and tasks that pop into your mind so you can attend to them later.

Everyone’s busy, but this meeting with yourself should be on your schedule, if not daily, then at least three times each week.

Carving out that time allows you to spend the rest of the day without that big, critical task looming over your head.

“Doing (a power hour) daily really minimizes any anxiety, or really the pressure I put on myself, to get something done,” Best says. With her scheduled power hour, she’s aware the productive work will get done at the scheduled time.

Best also has what she calls a secondwind power hour later in the day — and if that works for you, run with it.

No one says only one power hour per day is the limit. W

Power Up!

Make a meeting with yourself. ... Treat it the same way you would a meeting with your boss or a client.

”

Here are just a few ways defining and then using your power hour can help you: • It energizes and can help build momentum for the rest of your work. The exuberance resulting from accomplishing one task makes you want to accomplish more.

• It produces results. Sometimes we find ourselves running on the hamster wheel all day, feeling as if we don’t get anywhere and nothing real gets accomplished. A successful power hour ensures you accomplish at least one important task each day.

• It provides perspective. You’re better able to look at your tasks and prioritize. You can find patterns of what is most important to your success. You may notice that many of your hours are filled by non-essential tasks.

You’ll realize how to structure your day best.

28 | women@work

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/Björn Meyer.

OK to not be performing perfectly at the same time each day.”

Once you’ve determined your best time for detailed and focused tasks, it’s critical to prepare. Create the optimal atmosphere to accomplish the most.

Again, this is an individual assessment.

Debra J. M. Best, SPHR, a human resources recruiting and management consultant at Deb Best Practices, is an early riser. Accordingly, her power hour occurs before anyone else is awake. “I know no one’s going to call me then,” Best says.

If your peak time occurs when others are awake, set yourself up for making the most of your time by creating a “no interruption” zone. Minimize distractions by going to the bathroom, filling up any beverage you might need, turning off your phones and e-mail, shutting the door, and buckling down.

DiMaria does her best work with music playing in the background. “It’s very individual,” she says. “Some people may need to sit in a different location or a different chair. Spend a few minutes thinking about what environment is best for you, what background noise is good or not for you.”

No matter what time you’re in peak form, share with other coworkers that this is the time you’ve blocked out to accomplish your work. DiMaria writes “Dedicated work time” directly on her shared

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What can Twitter do for your business? A lot.

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veryone tells you to get your business on Twitter. But you’re busy. You’re already on Facebook.

Why do you need to start sending out 140-character messages?

Well, for one, Twitter has 140 million active users who are curious and voracious consumers of information, according to statistics provided by the site. And while Twitter has developed a reputation for being a vacuous rush of narcissism and inanity in some circles, its more primary function has been for news. When news broke that Osama bin Laden had been killed, more than 5,000 tweets went out per second. The presidential debates broke records last fall as the most-tweeted event in history at that point, with more than 10 million tweets, until the presidential election surpassed it with 31 million tweets. Imagine if even a small percentage of those people followed your business.

Twitter is a place for conversation, says Leslie Trosset, a social media expert in Albany. The best way to start using it, she suggests, is to “use it like you would Google.”

“Start searching key words related to what you’re looking for, whether it’s related to your business” or to some current event, Trosset says. Search for pertinent terms relevant to your business, see what people are saying, selling, thinking, seeking and sharing. And — don’t worry, we’ll show you how — follow those people, respond to them, follow up with them and curate your feed to only show you what’s interesting to you.

“Direct selling all the time on Twitter and not just pushing tweets out there without listening first” is a big, and common, Twitter mistake, Trosset says.

“You wouldn’t walk up to a person at a networking event and just start blabbing about your services. … That’s the nice thing about Twitter. It’s networking and it’s global, so you can join any conversation or create any conversation.”

Trosset encourages her clients to start using Twitter personally before they try doing it professionally. During the disastrous Hurricane Sandy that hit New York City right before Halloween last year, for instance, Trosset says she kept up with friends in the city and followed second-by-second updates on the status of the storm in real time.

“I have to believe that as these natural disasters become more and more frequent that people will be convinced that (Twitter is) the best way of communicating and getting news,” she says. Natural disasters are crash courses in what Twitter is best at: information dissemination.

Trosset says once people get through that course, they understand what Twitter is and how it can work for them.

“It’s the back-door approach,” she says. “People realize the usefulness from a personal standpoint and turn around and say, ‘Oh, now I get it. Now I can apply it to my business.”

We know Twitter can be tricky. So we’ve made this graphic to help you parse Twitter’s interface. For more information, success stories and tutorials, go to business.twitter.com. W

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What is a #Hashtag?

Hashtags are terms or phrases preceded with a number sign (#). The purpose of hashtags is to organize tweets by subject.

We’ll give you an example: Say you’re the owner of a flower shop. You might have

a special on flowers for Valentine’s Day. Tweet it with hashtag to spread the word.

“We’re having a sale on roses, peonies and daisies! Order a bouquet before Feb. 12 and get 10% off! #valentine #sales

#thinkingahead” Any of those hashtags are clickable and your tweet will show up in the feed of someone searching or clicking #sales or “Valentine.”

capregionwomenatwork.com | 31

nonprofit spotlight

Family Ties Looking for a Big Brother or Big Sister

By Cari Scribner | Photos by Emily Jahn

R

esearch has shown that children at risk can thrive with just one adult being attentive and supportive. At Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region, that’s exactly what’s happening.

The nonprofit’s headquarters was recently relocated to the top floor of a modest office building on Central Avenue, Albany. It includes offices for most of the five staff members, and a glasswalled conference room as a centerpiece for the 18-member board of directors to meet. Even on a rainy day, the offices buzz with the satisfaction and camaraderie that comes from knowing your work is needed and appreciated. Photos of “Bigs” and “Littles” smiling, leaning their heads together, playing games, decorate the walls. CEO Sabrina Houser, has an office where pictures of her own children, 32 | women@work

Anna, age 3, and Cole, 4 months, line the walls alongside photos of matched Bigs and Littles.

Fundraisers are vital for monetary donations and also raising awareness of the organization. They’re also creative and fun. There’s the well-known Bowl for Kids’ Sake, also a ritzy cocktail party at 11 North Pearl in downtown Albany, and a brand new Chef’s Challenge in Saratoga Springs, modeled after the Iron Chef competition on Food Network. Next year, they’ll unveil a fourth event, Trivia Night at the Holiday Inn Express in Latham, sponsored by a board member, which will be a casual evening with appetizers and beer as refreshments.

Houser, who has worked for the agency for 12 years, started out as a Big Sister while she was attending college.

Her eyes well up with tears as she talks

Get Involved Becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister is one of the most rewarding and enjoyable things you will ever do, say those who volunteer. It doesn’t require a special occasion or expensive activities, just a few hours a month sharing simple things you already enjoy doing with a friend.

You and your Little can: • Play a board game • Go on a hike • Share a pizza (or bake one) • Hang out and talk The easiest and fastest way to get started is to complete the online interest form at bbbs.org. After you complete this short form, a member of the staff will contact you. You can also call 518-862-1250 or e-mail info@ bbbscr.org for more information.

about how proud she is, even today, of her Little Sister Erin.

“Our favorite thing was to go grocery shopping and go back to my dorm and fix dinner together,” Houser says. “We didn’t go to Six Flags or anywhere pricey.

She was 7 years old then and we hiked and biked or sometimes just got in the car and drove, talking the whole time. She had a spirit and drive about her that was unstoppable. She’s the reason I do this.”

Erin just graduated at the top of her class from nursing school.

Volunteer Bigs are only required to meet with their Little twice a month, and also to check in with them by phone weekly. Most of the adults pick up their assigned child at their home and take them out for an activity. There’s also

“

a site-based option used by about 30 percent of the matches. The kids are transported to the site by school bus, where they’re met by their Big Sister or Brother for a three-hour visit. Sites are local colleges including Union, College of St. Rose, RPI and Skidmore. At the colleges, Bigs give tours to their Littles, take them to the library and rec rooms, and the schools usually sponsor lunch for the youngsters.

The Capital Region branch has more than 200 matched Bigs and Littles, but 240 kids are on a waiting list. Nearly 99 percent of the Littles come from singleparent homes that struggle with income, but Houser is quick to dismiss the notion that their family life is in any way responsible for the kids needing an extra boost.

These are our community’s most vulnerable youth; they’re headed towards Path A, and they need a Path B.

”

“These are our community’s most vulnerable youth; they’re headed towards Path A, and they need a Path B,” Houser says. “There’s no blame involved on parents or schools. They’re just tapped out.

It really takes a village to raise a child.

That’s what we’re here for. And we don’t give up on any child.”

Lauren Ford, 24, of Troy, was matched with a 7-year-old boy this past summer, because more boys are on the waiting list than girls and also because they share interests. In just a few short months, it’s clear the match has had a profound effect on her.

“Right now I’m teaching him to rollerskate,” Ford says. “He wants to learn to bake so we’re starting with chocolate chip cookies. He is a little shy, but it didn’t take much time for him to warm up to me. We have a blast together and I look forward to seeing him every time.” continued on page 34

— SABRINA HOUSER, Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region

The Download on Sabrina Houser Title: Executive Director, Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Capital Region Age: 34 Family: Husband Corey, daughter Anna, 3, son Cole, 5 months Born in: Schenectady Lives in: Saratoga Springs Education: B.A. Sociology, SUNY Geneseo First job: Clerk at Things Remembered Gift Shop in Clifton Country Mall, age 16.

Toughest job: During college, agent for a punk rock band. “I got the job because I spoke some French and the musicians wanted to get jobs in Quebec.” Houser didn’t like punk rock and only dabbled in French, but she kept the job for 18 months.

Best decision: “My family.”

Surprising fact: “English is my second language. I grew up speaking Italian. I learned English in kindergarten.”

Guilty pleasure: Chocolate chip cookies still warm from the oven in winter.

Ice cream in the summertime.

Two words to describe Big Brothers Big Sisters: “Life changing.” capregionwomenatwork.com | 33

nonprofit spotlight continued from page 33

About Big Brothers Big Sisters The mission of Big Brothers Big Sisters is to provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally supported 1-to-1 relationships that change their lives for the better, forever.

Big Brothers Big Sisters is the oldest, largest and most effective youth mentoring organization in the United States. The nonprofit serves children ages 6 through 14 in communities across the country, including the Capital Region.

Positive relationships between youth and their Big Brothers and Big Sisters have a direct and measurable impact on children’s lives. Little Brothers and Sisters are: • More confident in their schoolwork performance.

• Able to get along better with their families.

• 46 percent less likely to begin using illegal drugs.

• 27 percent less likely to begin using alcohol.

• 52 percent less likely to skip school. W

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i did it

On the

Dott “Cuppy cake” queen Rachel Dott and her growing bakeshop empire

By Molly Belmont Photos by Colleen Ingerto

W

hen Rachel Dott’s husband suggested she open a bake shop next to his Colonie garage, she was skeptical. “I don’t know, Luke,” Dott recalls telling her husband.

“Next to a garage? I don’t know how that’s going to flow.” Cake batter and motor oil aren’t usually a good mix, but Dott, a designer by nature who’s always been willing to take chances, decided to give it a try.

The couple invested what money they had and built a full-scale bakery and retail space in the small brick storefront.

The name Coccadotts, a fusion of her maiden name and her husband’s name that evokes visions of piped icing and cocoa, inspired the business’s décor — frills and signature pink polka dots (“When

does a polka dot ever go out of style?” says Dott).

When they first turned on the open sign, they were lucky to clear $700 after all the bills were paid. “I think we turned a profit of like $683 with the mortgages coming out,” she says.

That was six years ago.

Today, Coccadotts Cake Shop has given rise to a cupcake empire, and the eponymous pink polka “dott” appears on everything from bumper stickers to hair ribbons. After a string of media appearances, including a short-lived stint on the Food Network’s Cupcake Wars, Dott and her business partner Matthew O’Connor opened a second identical location in Myrtle Beach, S.C. This year, they added a warehouse to the operation, which will capregionwomenatwork.com | 35

i did it

enable the business to produce cakes and cupcakes for ShopRite and supply three additional Coccadotts express shops.

These shops, the first of which opens in Clifton Park this year, will feature boutique ice cream parlors with handmade ice cream based on their most popular cake flavors. Coccadotts cakes are also available through Cake-Links, a baking supply website.

In the next 10 years, Dott says, they hope to poise themselves for franchise, so that Coccadotts can become a household name.

Coccadotts Cake Shop specializes in wedding and birthday cakes with elaborate designs. They have also become known for their cupcakes, or “cuppy

36 | women@work

cakes” as they’re affectionately known in the shop. Coccadotts features 38 different, richly decorated flavors in the shop every day. The shop offers simple standards such as carrot cake and lemon alongside true originals such as sweet potato, a thickly-iced confection topped with — you guessed it — sweet potatoes, and “Blackout,” a punk-looking chocolate cake strewn with dark cocoa and pink glitter.

Other cupcakes feature droll names such as “OMG” and “Whoop Whoop.”

This is, after all, the bakeshop that created the Super Bowl-inspired chicken wing cupcake with bleu cheese icing featured on Good Morning America.

W

hen I caught up with Dott, an energetic woman who supplements her natural drive with regular trips to Starbucks, she had just returned from two weeks of business travel that included a trip to L.A. to negotiate a deal she couldn’t discuss at press time. Exciting developments for any business owner, but for Dott, who tries to stay grounded, the most exciting part of the business is what it allows her to do for other people and the community that it has created.

“The shop has created an avenue for doing things that are really important to me,” she says. After Hurricane Sandy swept through New York City, Dott urged her Facebook fans, over 15,000 in all, to bring coats, winter gear, and other needed supplies to her Central Avenue bakery so that she could truck the supplies down to the Rockaway Relief effort in her pink cupcake truck. “When we do contests and giveaways, the response is alarming, so I really challenged them,” Dott says. The response was dramatic.

During my visit, customers stream in all morning, and Dott greets them between interview questions. They have brought garbage bags of coats, blankets, and cases of water.

“This is wonderful that you’re doing this,” says one woman, as she sets down a second black plastic garbage bag outside the door to the truck. “Were you personally touched by this?”

No, Dott says. She just wants to help.

“It’s going to be a good day tomorrow,” she tells the lady with a pat on her shoulder.

Dott and her husband have strong ties to the Capital Region. Both grew up here and their families are well-known business owners in the area. Dott’s maiden name is Cocca, as in Cocca’s Appliances and Cocca’s Hotels, and Dott grew up helping her dad strip beds during racing season at her family’s chain of hotels. “I always worked. It was always in me,” she says.

When she got older she helped at her aunt and uncle’s bakery, the Vanilla Bean in Latham. Dott attended the Academy of the Holy Names, where she says she sometimes felt poles apart from the other

girls. “A lot of the girls, they were nice, but I was just different. My dad had me working,” she says. Initially her afterschool job was a source of frustration for her; now, she’s glad her father instilled that work ethic, and she hopes to give that same sense of responsibility to her 7-year-old son, Payton.

During the recent Colonie Homecoming celebration, Payton helped her distribute free cupcakes in the rain. Dott says she watched proudly as he stood there, undeterred, as water filled his little tray of frosted cuppy cakes.

“He’s got such a business sense,” Dott says. “I don’t see him at Dott’s Garage with a tool in his hand. I see him at this pink shop with a pastry bag.” This winter, her husband Luke will make the leap from the garage to the bakeshop, joining the baking business full-time to help with the expansion, Dott says.

Coccadotts currently employs 24 people in the Colonie business and in Myrtle Beach, 18, and more are expected to join. Dott says she takes her role as an employer seriously. Families depend on her and the bakeshop to take care of their loved ones, and she tries to keep that foremost in her mind when making decisions about the future.

It’s these relationships that matter, she says. “My house is full on Christmas Day. We have a big celebration, and the house is full of my employees and their families,” Dott says. “When we opened the shop on Myrtle Beach, they took airplanes and rented cars to get there.”

Even with the additional stores, the Dotts plan to keep the Central Avenue location open. “It all started at this little pink shop in Colonie,” Dott says. continued on page 39 capregionwomenatwork.com | 37

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continued from page 37

Rachel Dott’s

Top 10 Tips for Success 1. “Always be yourself and be true to who you are,” Dott says. “Don’t let success change you.”

2. Be willing to take chances. “I took a lot of chances and really put myself out there, and for the most part it’s really worked,” Dott says. Ideas that seemed crazy, such as chicken wing cupcakes and bumper stickers that say “Throw Cupcakes at Skinny Chicks,” have paid off and helped raise her profile.

3. Whenever possible, use your influence for good causes. Dott has become known for charity work, which includes promoting local hurricane relief efforts, regular donations to the Capital City Rescue Mission, and even taking in a family that lost their home to a fire last year.

4. Hold yourself accountable. You have an obligation to your employees — and your customers.

5. Follow your dreams. Dott has talked to so many women in other businesses who were not able to follow their dreams; she feels blessed she was able to realize hers. She has a sign inside the shop that says, “Fairytales do come true,” and it’s become a kind of rallying cry for her and her customers, she says.

6. Focus on what’s important. Try to stay above the fray and keep your eye on the big picture. For Dott, who is detail-oriented, that means remembering that there’s so much more to life than whether the icing is exactly the right shade of pink.

7. “Take care of the people who took care of you,” Dott says. For Dott, that means treating her employees well and rewarding their contributions to the business. When

the new stores open, two of her long-time employees will be named partners.

8. Running a successful business is about building good relationships.

9. Be conservative. Sure, Dott would like to go overboard tricking out her new locations.

She is, after all, the woman who has 36 bins of holiday decorations and trims 12 Christmas trees every year. But she is also mindful of her bottom line. “Just because you’re doing OK doesn’t mean you go into crazy overhead you can’t afford,” she says.

10. Take things slowly. While investors have already approached Dott about the business’s franchise potential, she says she wants to wait until they are ready. “We want to have everything precise,” Dott says. W

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book review

Read this book if…

You’re a nervous presenter with lots of good ideas, but a fear of (or unfamiliarity with) public speaking gets in your way.

Talking Points Make that speech really count

By Brianna Snyder

Well Said! Presentations and Conversations that Get Results, by Darlene Price, Amacom, 256 pages, $21.95

I

t’s not about you.

That’s the message of Darlene Price’s Well Said! Presentations and Conversations that Get Results, a guide to the tricky, high-pressure challenge of giving an effective talk.

Price begins her book by emphasizing how often we overlook the audience when we’re drafting our presentations. We tend to think of ourselves as the center of the seminar. This is a big mistake, she writes.

“To ensure you achieve the outcome you want, take the time to get to know your audience,” she says in Well Said!.

Ask yourself who is in the audience, what their expectations are and what

their attitude might be toward the topic you’re addressing. Do this by speaking to attendees ahead of time to find out what they want to gain from your presentation; send out a questionnaire or a survey. Know what managers and leaders want you to focus on.

Price also stresses the importance of structure. Your talk should have an opening, in which you say what you’re going to be talking about; a middle, in which you say what you said you’d be saying; and an end, in which you say again what you just said. Price recommends the “K.I.S.S.” approach: “keep it short and simple” — that’s what a good presentation should be. W

Notable Quote:

Instant Recall:  “Collect your favorite cartoons and keep them in a file. You can use them to add wit and make important points in a presentation.”  “Greet the audience before you speak. Shake hands with and meet as many people as possible ahead of time.

This shows the audience you’re approachable and personable.”  “Speak with energy and volume, allowing your voice to convey sincerity, cheerfulness, and confidence.”

“As a leader, you have the opportunity every day to create powerful conversations.” capregionwomenatwork.com | 41

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moms @ work

Megan Willis is director of marketing for a global software company. Her blogs, The Davenport Chronicles and Moms@Work, are hosted on timesunion.com.

Photo by Alina Pauksis.

Networking Not Working? Keep it real.

By Megan Willis

W

hether you are buying or selling, nothing is so dreaded as an overly hopeful face eyeing your name badge and asking, “What do you do?” What I do is search for the exits.

It’s not that networking is bad in theory; it’s that, in reality, it can be heinous.

Heinous happens when the goal is to get something from someone rather than just expand your horizons. Here are a few truths about what can happen when you drop the agenda and face networking with the big-girl mantra, “So what?”

Approaching the situation with an “I’ll get nothing and like it,” mindset is a sure way to exceed expectations.

Working it old school Back in Mom’s day, terms such as “networking,” much like “working out,” had no reason to exist. Work was a definition newly applicable to women and in the absence of that, things just got done without the “agenda.” Church social? Check. PTA? Check. Political fundraiser? Cha-ching. Bunco Club?

Roll the dice. Community was part of the program and there was no divide between work and play because there was no “work.”

I envy these hens their parties even though the daily grind and sexist notions of the day give me visions of Betty Draper. In revolutions, things are both won and lost. Of the working moms I observe these days, a few flocks of friends still operate collectively, though they are rare and seemed to be hatched at birth.

Internetworking Another evolutionary barrier to meeting and working together in the 2010s is that isolation is trending. Networking online translates in many cases into one-toomany broadcasts of opinions or “posture posting,” which is the downside.

Facebook will never replace face time and online connections will never replace being well connected because relationships happen in the real world. A proper blend of cyber and humanity is what is called for.

Keep your profile clean and press the flesh now and then. Ask yourself, WWJJD (What Would Judy Jetson Do?).

Judy would keep it real. She would be herself, but she would keep it professional.

One final truth in the form of a true confession. A significant portion of my job over the past many years has involved managing events and, at times, interacting with hundreds of people for days on end. Occasionally people are surprised to find that the face time does not come naturally to me at all and that every time I do it, I must brace myself and feel my guts wrench up.

I do this and keep on doing it because it is my job. I don’t just mean that it is my job because it gets me a paycheck; I mean that it’s my job in life to try to experience new things and to learn from other people. When I do this job, crazy good-

ness happens in the form of unexpected and interesting experiences.

So every time my guts wrench up I say to myself “so what?” And then I do my job. W

Three tips for keeping networking real  Superhero up: Whether it’s negotiations, career advice or team building, someone in your company has superpowers. You might as well learn from the best, so ask this person to coach you and don’t be afraid to go to the top. Enter with specific questions; exit with the Lasso of Truth.  Outlier opinions reveal all: Freaks, geeks and outliers are excellent observers and quiet by nature.

Question one and shatter the conventional wisdom in your head.  DIY networking, just add people: If you want it done right, try doing it yourself. Working moms have no time and operate under a severe fun deficit. With one e-mail, order up a coffee klatch, cocktail hour or sewing soiree.

You’ll have yourself to thank.

Working can be challenging for any woman. Add children into the mix, though, and the formula changes again. In Moms@Work, authors Megan Willis and Mary Malone McCarthy share their insights on working and raising a family. They will alternate column duties, and you can find them in between issues blogging at blog.timesunion.com/momsatwork. capregionwomenatwork.com | 43

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Savvy Work Wear

Want to get ahead? Dress for the job you want, not the job you have

By Kristi Barlette | Illustration by Emily Jahn

T

hink for a moment about what you really want to wear to work when you wake up, especially on a dark, cold winter morning. We’re not talking about what you think you should wear, but what you crave.

Pajamas? Jeans and Ugg boots? A track suit and running sneakers?

These days, those choices may not be entirely out of line. Today’s workplace is more diverse than ever before, and standards of acceptable dress are more relaxed than they were years ago, says Ed Hallenbeck, owner of Career by Design Consulting in Rensselaer.

At the same time, an employee’s dress and appearance is a form of communica-

tion — and that communication can contribute to, or take away from an organization’s culture, brand, reputation, image, values and/or mission. It can also send a message — potentially the wrong one, depending on what you’re wearing — to your boss and other managers about your seriousness at work.

“If people want to advance themselves, they have to emulate what they want to be,” says Martin Patrick, president of the Capital Region Human Resource Association. “I always recommend to individuals that if you want to move ahead, besides showing initiative, you also need to look like you want to be ahead.” continued on page 46 capregionwomenatwork.com | 45

continued from page 45

Employers — and even colleagues — don’t care why you wore what you wore.

They just notice if you are underdressed or unkempt or if you look as if you’re headed out for beach volleyball and Coronas instead of a client meeting and copious amounts of high-caf coffee.

People form an immediate opinion, especially people you interact with occasionally, says Marie Rabideau, director of career services with the University at Albany. “Especially if you are young, they may worry about your qualifications,” Rabideau says.

On the other hand, if you dress similarly to your managers, others — including those in other decision-making roles within the organization — are more likely to perceive you as more responsible and more knowledgeable.

And, really, who doesn’t want that?

“

“Your confidence certainly is better when you feel like you are on-mark and ontarget,” Rabideau says.

This doesn’t mean making illogical sartorial choices. No one really expects someone who works in a lab and therefore often wears a T-shirt and jeans — common attire due to potential spills — to suddenly don a skirt suit, stockings and heels, says the career services expert.

Instead, she suggests cleaning up the look a bit by perhaps wearing a polo shirt and khakis.

W

hile the human resources department at a company should make sure the dress code is clear to a staff, that isn’t always the case. Plus, what’s acceptable and what’s ideal may not be identical.

Say, for example, you are gunning for a client relations position. It’s a job that

Normally what happens is as you become more successful and move up in your career, you are given more opportunity and more independence on how you dress.

”

— Martin Patrick, president of the Capital Region Human Resource Association

Shop Talk Are you a manager who needs to talk to an employee about his or her work clothing and you’re not sure where to start? Here are some tips from area experts to help the conversation go more smoothly: • Deal with the issue as soon as you become aware of it. Delaying a conversation with an employee, based on the fact it may be awkward and uncomfortable, can send a message that the type of dress is condoned and the policy on dress is not taken seriously.

• Prior to the meeting, consult with human resources (if needed) to bring the issue to their attention 46 | women@work

and to get guidance on dealing with the specific issue at hand.

resources) in the room as a witness.

• Any and every meeting needs to be handled with respect, sensitivity and compassion. It should be a private meeting where confidentiality is assured and embarrassment is minimized.

• Start the meeting with a gentle opening. Acknowledge that you have feedback that is difficult to share, and may be difficult or uncomfortable for the employee to hear. Let the employee know she’ll also have an opportunity to give her perspective.

• Take issues of gender into consideration. A female may be more comfortable with another female delivering the message, while a male may be more comfortable with another male. Depending upon the sensitivity of the issue, the manager may want another manager (or human

• Deliver the feedback in a clear, calm, professional and straightforward manner. It’s important to get to the point and not dance around the issue. Being indirect will only create anxiety for the employee. This is a good time to check in with the employee about his or her comfort

requires regular interaction with the public, taking them to lunches and attending after-work functions. Workplace casual may be suitable, but it’s likely professional dress is better.

Still aren’t sure what to wear? Look at the senior people — the company leaders – and how they dress, says Patrick. If they are suits-but-no-jackets types, do the same. If they are as buttoned-up as bankers on Wall Street, then you may want to join in if you want to move up.

“I have had people come to me to ask about moving ahead and ask how to make an impression,” says Patrick. “They come in clothing that is wrinkled. They look like they just got up and put it on.”

Not only is management unlikely to take them seriously, but that impression is lasting. Senior management doesn’t want people who don’t appear tidy and put-together in front of clients.

“Normally what happens is as you become more successful and move up in your career, you are given more opportunity and more independence on how you dress,” says Patrick. “Some people still have a hard time and they aren’t sure what to dress like. When in doubt, go conservative.” W

with continuing the discussion.

• Avoid making the conversation about the person as opposed to about the issue. The issue should be directly related to the written and communicated policy and the expectations of the organization based on the business reason for a specific dress code.

• Do not just address what is problematic; also suggest possible improvements. For example, instead of saying “your blouse is too low-cut,” say “if you added a fashion scarf or camisole to your outfit, you may be more comfortable in an office setting.”

• Be clear on what is expected and

remind the employee that while you don’t want to stress her out today about what she has on, in the future a different outfit — complete with the aforementioned example — would be more appropriate.

• Give the employee an opportunity to talk about the issue from her perspective, and to provide reasons for the type of dress and potential solutions.

If legitimate reasons are given for the style of dressing for work, such as a medical condition or disability, then reasonable accommodation needs to be considered. The employee’s perspective will determine where

the conversation goes from there.

• Come to an agreement about what the employee will do to change her behavior and when that will occur.

(Any reasonable accommodation would be finalized at this point.) Offer guidance and support to reinforce the positive change in behavior.

• Schedule additional meetings (including progressive discipline) if the employee does not comply with the agreement.

Sources: Ed Hallenbeck, owner of Career

by Design Consulting in Rensselaer; Marie Rabideau, director of career services with the University at Albany. capregionwomenatwork.com | 47

Trauma Time

W

e all have days where it’s hard to focus at work. For many of us, the smaller things are the distractions — the nice weather makes us want to get outside or we’re thinking about how the house needs to be cleaned before those weekend guests arrive.

Those distractions pass — quickly.

What’s more challenging is going to work — and maintaining your performance level — while undergoing a personal trauma.

It’s fairly common, say experts. “Life happens. Whether it is an illness (yours or a loved one’s), romantic relationship ending or a death (family, friend, beloved pet, etc.) we have all dealt with challenging circumstances that will not exclusively happen during off-hours,” says Annette Parisi, assistant director for 48 | women@work

employer relations with the Siena College career center in Loudonville. “So, managing and navigating work responsibilities with major life things is something we all will need to do at some point.”

Amy, 27, of Clifton Park knows all too well how tough that can be. (Her last name is being withheld for her privacy.)

Three years ago, her mother left her stepfather and took Amy’s three younger siblings with her. Amy dropped her mom and the kids off at the YWCA, but she was not permitted to know where her mother would be living. This was a safety precaution for her mom who said she had been abused.

“I found myself at work trying to focus, because I had to stay occupied,” the accountant recalls. Her concern was only heightened because her mother suffered from mental illness and, the

day before she dropped her mother and siblings at the Y, she had ended a yearlong relationship.

“Personal crisis can make you feel like your life is spinning out of control with overwhelming depression and intense grief. You wonder, ‘How can I go to work today?,’” says Julie Purdy, a Cohoesbased life coach who regularly works with clients struggling to find a work/life balance. Personal trauma “can bombard your emotions and taint your mood, productivity, stress level, and interactions with coworkers.”

While handling the details required at a job can be an additional stress that many can’t handle during times of personal duress, Amy found going to work stabilizing. The assignments distracted her — however briefly — from what was going on in her personal life. “I have to

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/Brad Killer.

By Kristi Barlette

Managing your work life when your personal life is a mess

Is your personal life all good but your workplace life is a mess? Get tips for handling that on page 24. be distracted to get by,” she says.

But she didn’t try to pretend everything was OK. Instead, she sat with the senior vice president of the company — a woman she trusted — and let her in on what was going on. “I wanted the escape and I didn’t really want anyone to know,“ Amy says. “I sat down and cried, which I regret, but I explained the whole backstory — I told her everything.”

The vice president then went to the president of the company, with Amy‘s permission. The managers now knew what was going on, and understood the accountant wasn’t suddenly underperforming. Amy says she knew her concentration was off, and she wanted to address it, first, before someone noticed and then work performance issues were

added to her list of travails.

“It’s all about comfort level and trust,” says Amy about deciding to share the details with her bosses.

D

eciding whether to tell others or keep things to yourself depends on a number of factors, says Parisi.

Some factors to consider include your relationship with your co-workers, your personal style, and whether you’ll need to be away from the workplace to take care of any issues.

Many people prefer to have clearly defined boundaries; work is work, and home is home and that’s it, says the career counselor. However, if a person needs some time during the day to take care of an ill parent, child or spouse, for

Tips to Manage Your Work Day Under Duress One of the difficult things about depression and grief is they can make focusing on work tasks nearly impossible. Here are some helpful hints to get through your workday while your personal life is in a shambles.

• Set clear goals and be realistic about what you can accomplish. Create a daily list highlighting your top priorities, so you can still meet the needs of your boss. Double check any important e-mails, give yourself extra time to prepare assignments, or have a colleague give your work a second look.

During staff meetings take copious notes because your memory probably won’t be what it was before.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re having a difficult day. You will get through this, it’s just going to take time.

• Don’t look at the big picture; take small steps toward healing each day.

• Take breaks during the day to go outside and clear your mind. Listen to the birds or look at a beautiful tree.

• Upon waking in the morning, think of three things you’re grateful for. So many times when we’re in the middle of a crisis we forget the good we have today.

• Talk to a trusted friend, family member or coworker. Sharing your vulnerability is not a weakness. A counselor or group therapy can be wonderful support during difficult times. Having someone listen who understands you can make you feel less alone.

• Talk to HR to see if you have access to an Employee Assistance Program. Company EAPs typically offer an employee a set number of free, out-of-the-office counseling sessions in a variety of areas designed to help people get through particular crises.

• If allowed, wear headphones during work; music can be soothing and uplifting.

• Take care of yourself physically by eating healthfully, exercising, and getting enough sleep. They can give you the energy boost you need to get through the workday.

instance, it probably makes sense to let her supervisor know, at least on a superficial level, what is going on.

For other people, the workplace is their main source of socialization. Work and their personal lives don’t have clearly defined boundaries, says Parisi. In this case, this person probably would want to share the things that are causing them significant stress.

“There really isn’t a right or wrong,” Parisi says. “However, I think not taking your supervisor’s style and/ or the culture of your office into account is a mistake.”

For Amy, looping in her supervisors was the right decision. They listened, and understood. They didn’t judge.

They even offered her time off to focus on her family.

While Amy declined, accepting would not have been abnormal, or in poor taste, say experts. In fact, the suggestion is fairly typical.

“Many employers will be flexible with you and give you time off, over the short term, if needed,” says Purdy. Typically, employees use personal, vacation or sick time, which can be extended to unpaid leave if necessary.

“It’s not unreasonable to expect with the death of a spouse, child, or close sibling to need several weeks or months off,” Purdy says. “Just don’t stay away too long or it can make returning to work much more difficult.”

Some employers may suggest a flexible work week, i.e., working four long days as opposed to a five-day work week.

Another option might be working from home; the work gets done, but you also have private time to cry if you need to, Purdy says.

“Remember you’ll get through this,” Purdy says. “Find a support network, and don’t ever feel you need to suffer in silence.” W

— Source: Julie Purdy, Cohoes-based life coach capregionwomenatwork.com | 49

meals on the go

Let Her Be

Your Guide Christa Valentine helps Price Chopper customers find the right foods for them

By Brianna Snyder | Photos by Tyler Murphy

M

eal-planning and grocery shopping are two of the most tedious, headache-inducing, challenging chores we face in our everyday lives. Christa Valentine can help.

She’s a dietitian at Price Chopper in Slingerlands. The grocery chain has hired nutritionists for many of its stores, offering consultation services to help people fill their carts with more healthful foods.

“We get a lot of customers who don’t like to cook,” says Valentine, who’s been with Price Chopper for four years. “And they’re looking for healthier convenience foods. Or they’re looking for vegetarian options or gluten-free products.”

Valentine’s Slingerlands office is nestled behind the store’s pharmacy, and customers are encouraged to “stop by and say hi,” or make appointments to speak with Valentine about various health or dietary concerns. She often walks around with customers to help them find what they’re looking for or give them suggestions. She gives them ideas about how various diets can work for them and “how they can make better choices in areas they’re looking to explore,” she says. That’s especially useful guidance for people with children who are picky or stubborn eaters.

What got Valentine interested in nutrition? “I’ve always struggled with my 50 | women@work

Test Drive The 2012 KIA

Christa’s MustHave Pantry Items

Whole-grain pasta.

“It saves my life on those nights when you just have to get dinner out there.”

OPTIMA HYBRID

Garlic powder. “I’m obsessed. It goes well with everything.”

GOING GREEN AT

pistachios. “For snacking.”

weight,” she says, “and there were a lot of different things that I tried and finally I was successful in losing a decent amount of weight and I realized I wanted to help other people” be healthy, too.

Valentine shed between 70 and 80 pounds, she says, which led her to her interest in nutrition. A registered dietitian, she got her bachelor’s degree in nutrition science from Russell Sage and her M.S. in applied nutrition from Sage Graduate School. She says the business of being a nutritionist and dietitian can get fairly personal: “They’re looking for food products that fit their routine. They’re looking for recipes. They want to lose weight and stay in shape.” They say things like, “I want to continue to buy this but is there a way I can choose a healthier equivalent?” and “What’s a different way to satisfy my sweet tooth?”

Everybody’s different, she points out. People have different genetic makeups and backgrounds, lifestyles, interests, preferences and body types, so what works for your neighbor might not work for you. So you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help.

“We want to help people live with food and not against it,” Valentine says.

“We want people to meet their nutrition goals. A great first step is to try to make changes in your diet that work for you and don’t leave you deprived.”

See recipe on page 53

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fun. Put together different combinations that you love and try it out and use your family at home as your test dummies.”

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meals on the go

continued from page 51

Dinner in 30 minutes Skillet Gnocchi with Chard & White Beans Ingredients: 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil, divided 1 16-ounce package shelf-stable gnocchi 1 medium yellow onion, thinly sliced 4 cloves garlic, minced 1/2 cup water 6 cups chopped chard leaves, (about 1 small bunch) or spinach 1 15-ounce can diced tomatoes with Italian seasonings 1 15-ounce can white beans, rinsed 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1/2 cup shredded part-skim mozzarella cheese 1/4 cup finely shredded Parmesan cheese Method: Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add gnocchi and cook, stirring often, until plumped and starting to brown, 5 to 7 minutes.

Transfer to a bowl.

Add the remaining 1 teaspoon oil and onion to the pan and cook, stirring, over medium heat, for 2 minutes. Stir in garlic and water. Cover and cook until the onion is soft, 4 to 6 minutes. Add chard (or spinach) and cook, stirring, until starting to wilt, 1 to 2 minutes. Stir in tomatoes, beans and pepper and bring to a simmer. Stir in the gnocchi and sprinkle with mozzarella and Parmesan. Cover and cook until the cheese is melted and the sauce is bubbling, about 3 minutes.  W  capregionwomenatwork.com | 53

Getting Away:

Mobile, Alabama

By Stacey Morris | Photos courtesy Mobile Bay Convention and Visitors Bureau

Y

ou may list places like Naples and Sarasota, Fla., as quintessential winter getaways with plenty of sunshine, balmy ocean breezes, palm trees, and dining on just-caught seafood as the sun sets over the Gulf of Mexico. But there’s another winter hot spot with all those ingredients, plus a few more, and it probably will surprise you.

Mobile, Ala., the unsung port city of the Gulf Coast, is less than an hour from Pensacola, Fla., and more than just a southern commercial hub with skyscrapers. Not only does it possess a booming fresh seafood industry that affords a bounty of inexpensive red snapper, oysters and shrimp at area restaurants; it also has an intriguing arts scene and community, a wealth of charming and historical architecture, and it’s a little-known fact, but the city of Mobile celebrates Mardi Gras as seriously as any other place in the country.

The first settlers began arriving in Mobile in 1702. During the Revolutionary War era, it had fewer than 54 | women@work

1,000 residents. With the advent of the cotton industry, however, Mobile exploded into a commerce center.

“People moved down from the North by the thousands to get rich,” says Mobile architect L. Craig Roberts, who conducts History in Architecture tours of the city. “From the late 1800s through early 1900s thousands of homes were built, from bungalows and Victorians to Greek Revivals and Antebellums.”

Before that, churches went up around the city, including Christ Church Episcopal Cathedral, built in 1830, which is said to have the best collection of stained-glass windows in the country; and the Government Street Presbyterian Church, named a national landmark for being the best example of Greek Revival architecture in the South. “The architectural history of Mobile is stunning,” Roberts says. “We have 6,000 homes and buildings on the National Register of Historic Places in seven historic districts, and our city hall, built in 1855, is the oldest in-use city hall in the country.”

Mobile is also home to a growing arts scene. Dozens of galleries and museums are downtown, and many public buildings, such as the Battle House Hotel and the RSA Tower, have dedicated permanent space for regional artists, including local icon Nall Hollis, an Alabama native who exhibits around the world. A painter since childhood, the artist, who goes by “Nall” professionally, seems to be continually on exhibit somewhere, whether it’s a hotel lobby in Mobile, at the Grimaldi Forum in Monte Carlo, or on permanent exhibit at The Boston Museum of Fine Arts. Though he lives part of the year in the south of France, Hollis says he chooses to live in the Mobile area because of its physical beauty and vibrant arts scene.

“The live oak trees here are truly a thing of beauty,” says Hollis, whose neighbors in the nearby artists’ enclave of Fairhope include painters, poets and novelists such as Fried Green Tomatoes author Fannie Flagg. “I love where I live. ... Fairhope is a little city of art and flowers and it has a wonderful

attitude toward supporting the arts.”

Mobile’s climate is spring-like in January (highs average in the 60s, lows in the 40s), so it’s not surprising that Coastal Living magazine named it one of the top 10 winter getaways in North America. Winter and early spring are perfect for a break from the frigid upstate climate, and not just for the weather.

Mobile is known as the birthplace of Mardi Gras; the first celebration dates back to 1703. By 1830, the first masked parading society was formed and dozens of others followed suit over the centuries. So entrenched is the Mardi Gras tradition in Mobile that full-blown celebrations of parades, balls, and formal banquets take place in the three weeks that precede the culmination on Fat Tuesday. National Geographic magazine even compared the coronations of Mobile’s carnival courts with the coronations of European heads of state.

“The way we celebrate Mardi Gras in Mobile is much more family-friendly than New Orleans,” says Roberts. “You won’t see people drunk and stripping.

If you really want to see Mardi Gras the way it was meant to be, come to Mobile.”

Must-Sees A&M Peanut Shop 209 Dauphin St. (251) 438-9374; ampeanuts.com The unusual 100-year-old iron peanut roaster alone is worth the trip inside this snack emporium. Owner Deborah Gibson DeGuire has kept everything the way it was when her parents, Alfred and Mary, ran the place 65 years ago. Alfred began the shop as a Planter’s Peanuts retail store in 1947. In 1963, when Planter’s sold all its retail stores, Alfred and Mary turned it into a family business. A&M is a narrow strip of retail space filled floor to ceiling with aromatic treats such as jumbo cashews, pecan halves, salted almonds, chocolate-covered nuts, turtles and old-fashioned hard candy — all displayed in giant glass jars. But you can’t visit without trying DeGuire’s signature southern classic — boiled peanuts.

Mobile Carnival Museum 355 Government St. (251) 432-3324 An unabridged look at the history of Mardi Gras in the city where it all began.

The museum features 14 rooms of opulent robes worn by past Mardi Gras kings and queens, jewel-encrusted scepters and tiaras, historic photos, and memorabilia of Mardi Gras balls and parades from centuries past. And if you want to leave Mobile with your own tiara and set of Fat Tuesday beads, don’t miss the museum gift store.

Admission is $5; $2 for ages 12 and under.

The Outdoors Whether it’s quaint bungalows in the city’s historic Oakleigh district, gated Antebellum mansions, or the buxom sphinxes outside downtown’s Scottish Rite Temple built in 1920, architect L. Craig Roberts is as famous for his personalized History in Architecture tours as he is for being the mastermind behind award-winning southern homes.

Mobile has both public and private historic architecture, thousands of which are listed on the National Register of Historic Places. “Mobile has hundreds of square blocks of very early American residential architecture; people are still living in neighborhoods just as they were 100 years ago,” says Roberts. After an entertainingly fact-filled tour with Roberts, you’ll feel as if you’ve lived in Mobile

for decades. Tours are $17 per person per hour for a minimum of two people and three hours. For more information call (251) 343-8165 or visit lcraigroberts.com.

Best Family Attractions Hank Aaron Childhood Home and Museum 755 Boiling Brothers Blvd.

(251) 479-2327; hankaaronstadium.com Learn all about the legendary Henry Louis “Hank” Aaron, whose majorleague baseball career spanned from 1954 to 1976. Aaron’s childhood home was relocated from the Toulminville community and now sits next to the Hank Aaron Stadium. Admission is $5.

Estuarium and Dauphin Island Sea Lab 101 Bienville Blvd., Dauphin Island (251) 861-2141; disl.org This aquatic learning center highlights four key habitats of coastal Alabama: the Mobile Tensaw River Delta, Mobile Bay, the Barrier Islands, and the northern Gulf of Mexico. The campus includes the 10,000-square-foot exhibit hall with large aquariums, interactive exhibits, and touch tanks. Kids will love the upclose showcase of the plants, animals, and other natural resources found in the Estuary and its surrounding marine habitats. Admission is free for children under five; $6 for ages five to 18; $10 for adults; and $8 for ages 50 and over. continued on page 57

Hank Aaron Childhood Home and Museum capregionwomenatwork.com | 55

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continued from page 55

USS ALABAMA Battleship Memorial Park 2703 Battleship Parkway (251) 433-2703; ussalabama.com Tour the Battleship USS ALABAMA and Submarine USS DRUM, plus more than 20 rare historic aircraft. You’ll also see tanks, a Vietnam river patrol boat, and a plane like the one flown by the Tuskegee Airmen. Battleship Memorial Park stretches across 175 acres and takes nearly three hours to see in its entirety. Admission: $6 for ages 6 through 11; $12 for ages 12 and up; and $10 for ages 55 and up.

Best Places for Couples Mobile Museum of Art 4850 Museum Drive (251) 208-5200; mobilemuseumofart.com Situated within the 700-acre Langan Park, the museum is part art-outing, part outdoor adventure. Many of the larger sculptures are incorporated onto the property’s sloping landscape. But the building itself is a treasure trove of discovery with its permanent collection of more than 9,000 works of art spanning two centuries. Works by regional artists are featured, as well as traveling exhibitions such as Shadow of The Turning: The Art of Binh Pho, Jan. 18-April 7. Expanded in 2002, the 95,000-square-foot building is now the largest art museum along the Gulf Coast from New Orleans to Tampa.

Admission is $10 adults; $8 seniors; $6 students; free ages 6 and under.

Mardi Gras As graciously southern as it gets, this pre-war brick building houses luxury rooms, suites, and a spa, but the real draw is the Belle Epoque lobby with domed ceilings, plush furniture and gallery-like atmosphere.

Original paintings by area artists are everywhere in this hotel, from the hallways to the Joe Cain Cafe.

Dining Spot of Tea 310 Dauphin St. (251) 433-9009; spotoftea.com Serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner in several dining rooms and their sidewalk cafe, which is a great vantage point onto the adjacent Cathedral Square for people watching. Don’t miss the seafood eggs benedict with blackened butterfly shrimp, the English cucumber sandwiches, or the fried crawfish tails.

Crescent Theater 208 Dauphin St. (251) 438-2005; crescenttheater.com

The Fairhope Inn 63 South Church St., Fairhope (251) 928-6226; thefairhopeinn.com

This independent theater is a jewel in the center of the city. Owner Max Morey goes to great lengths to offer first-run indie films (shown 35-mm style). The snack bar offers up buttered popcorn and Cabernet.

With a menu that’s imaginative and elegant, meals such as roasted beet salad with orange creme freche or fried eggplant topped with Andouille sausage and crawfish mornay sauce are served in the stately atmosphere of a 107-year-old inn.

Accommodations The Battle House Renaissance Hotel & Spa 26 North Royal St. (251) 338-2000; marriott.com

When to visit Try to avoid: Summertime, when the living is ... sticky. With its gulfside location, Mobile is known for its crip-

pling humidity during the summer months. It’s best to plan a visit anytime other than June, July or August.

Best time to visit : February through April: Temperatures are ideal and the spring blossoms are in full bloom.

Upcoming Events LoDa Artwalk 6 to 9 p.m. on the second Friday of every month, downtown ncsmobile.org Appreciating the arts is a community-wide effort in Mobile with this monthly open house for the city’s museums and galleries. Festivities include wine and hors d’oeuvres, live music, and free trolley service.

Arts Alive!

April 12-14 Mobile Arts District artsalivemobile.com Mobile’s annual homage to all mediums of art that celebrate both the art lover and the artist. Taking place throughout downtown.

Mardi Gras Feb. 12 and there will be parades throughout the day in downtown Mobile, as well as parades during the three weeks leading up to Mardi Gras.

For more information on the festivities, visit themobilemask.com, or mobilemardigras.com. For more information on Mobile, visit mobilebay.org. W

capregionwomenatwork.com | 57

the last word

Compiled by Brianna Snyder

K

nowing what to do in sticky situations is one of the hardest part of being a manager. Each issue of W@W we’ll feature a tricky issue with answers from area HR professionals, managers and business owners. If you have a question you’d like answered, drop us a line on Facebook, www.facebook.com/ capregionwomenatwork, or send an e-mail to jreynolds@ timesunion.com. Your question will be kept confidential.

This would depend on the rules set out by an organization. If it is not specified as against the rules, then it should be addressed only if and when it impacts their work and then in terms of specific behaviors and expectations.

— Gayle LaSalle, I’m the Boss of Me – From Excuses to Solutions 58 | women@work

For me, it's a checklist to minimize exposure (and heartache!) for all: 1. Does one employee work for the other? If so, that employee needs to report to another supervisor ASAP. 2. If a supervisor is dating an employee despite your company's policy telling supervisors not to date their employees (important policy to have to minimize legal exposure!), it's a performance issue to be immediately addressed.

3. Do they work in the same department? If the company is large and their jobs are flexible enough, best to work in different departments to minimize workplace melodrama.

4. Please: no PDAs at the timeclock while waiting to punch in or out for the day. Yes, I've had to speak to several couples over the course of my HR career.

5. Romantic relationships and your career both require a lot of hard work: mixing love and your career at your workplace can make both harder.

However, while the latter responds to logic, the former often does not!

— Debra J. M. Best, SPHR, Deb Best Practices

— Penny Loretto, Associate Director, Career Development Center at Skidmore College

Romance is bound to blossom in the workplace (indeed, I met Mr. Right at my first job out of law school), but can cause problems such as allegations of favoritism and sexual harassment.

While employers can outright prohibit employees from dating, a more balanced approach is to implement a policy that prohibits romantic relationships between supervisors and subordinates in their direct chain of command as well as the display of romantic affection between any employees at work. This approach respects employee privacy while minimizing the threat of legal liability.

— Sarah Delaney Vero, Esq., Delaney Vero, PLLC

Illustration: © iStockphoto.com/artvea.

Question:

How do you deal with employees engaged in a workplace romance?

When or how to deal with an office romance depends on several factors.

The first thing to consider is if this is in violation of company policy. If not in conflict with company policy, there may be no reason to address a relationship that remains private between two parties and does not cause disruption between any other staff members. If unprofessional behavior exists due to the office romance, then the immediate supervisor should address the situation as soon as possible to avoid creating a negative work environment for other members of the staff.

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So if you’re a working woman eating lunch on the run, NuVal® will make eating healthier lunches quick and easy. NuVal® scores are on the shelf tags of thousands of items at your favorite Price Chopper.

Here’s a list of some typical lunch items with NuVal® comparisons that let you shop smarter and simplify your nutritional choices.

Arnold Breads Arnold 7 Grain bread Arnold 100% Wheat Triple Health bread

Hellmann’s Mayonnaise

26 57

Hellmann’s Light Mayonnaise Hellmann’s Canola Mayonnaise

Price Chopper Yogurt Price Chopper Low Fat Strawberry Yogurt Price Chopper Light, Low Fat Vanilla Yogurt

18 41

4 11

Amy’s Soups Amy’s Cream of Tomato Soup Amy’s Lentil Vegetable Soup

25 53

Kashi Bars Kashi TLC Bar Apple Spice Kashi TLC Bar Honey Almond

27 43

Learn more about NuVal® at www2.pricechopper.com/nuval/

NuVal makes healthy eating easy. That’s Helpful. That’s ®

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