NEW-LETTER the john hopkin
PUBLISHED SINCE 1896 BY THE STUDENTS OF JOHN HOPKIN UNIVERSITY
VOLUME CXX, ISSUE XXIII
WWW.JHUNEWSLETTER.COM
APRIL 1, 2016
Construction set to resume on N. Charles By BOB BUILDER For The News-Letter
The Charles Street construction that was completed in 2015 will resume work in May, Chuck Rhodes, the chief civil engineer on the project, announced Wednesday. The construction will add more art sculptures, benches and trees along the length of the road from 31st Street to University Parkway. To accommodate the new structures, the segment of N. Charles will be converted to a one-way. “We have identified a dire error in making the street two ways, and we need to revert it to its former glory,” Rhodes said, standing on a soap box at the center of N. Charles and 34th Streets with a megaphone. “With the extra space, we will be able to increase the aesthetic appeal of this prime roadway.” N. Charles Street, first laid out in 1730, was pre-
viously one-way northbound, with St. Paul Street traffic going south, but both became two-way streets in the past 15 years. A $28 million N. Charles reconstruction project began in the spring of 2012 and supposedly concluded its major phases last fall, with only landscaping left to finish. Rhodes said that the University is well-aware of the blowback it may receive from students who live near the construction. “It means a bit more loud noise to tolerate, but Hopkins students are tough little nerds — they can take it. They’ve done it three times; They can do it again,” he said. “I swear that when you see those benches, it will all be worth it.” Rhodes declined to comment on the proposed duration of the new phase of construction. Many students are worried about how the construction will affect SEE N. CHARLES, PAGE A2
MYSPACE
Facult and staff parties like the one shown above will have to be registered due to a new amendment to current acohol and party policy.
Faculty, staff required to register parties By FAIRY NUFF Staff Writer
All faculty and staff will now be required to register their off-campus parties, the University announced Tuesday. The new measure is an amendment to the current policies on alcohol
Class of 2020 is better than everyone The incoming freshmen are too good to be true By CURRENT SENIOR Staff Writer
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invited to return in the fall. “When we think about On March 18, Hopkins the future of Johns Hopreleased regular decision kins, we’re always doing admissions for the Class a cost-benefit analysis of of 2020, revealing the sorts,” Lieberman said. newest baby Blue Jays “At this time, it is not to be the most impres- worth the effort to consive group tinue supof stuporting dents to the other have ever “I hate to say classes.” graced the this but all the T h e Earth. 3,122 stuBecause current students dents were of the exadm it ted c e p t io n a l at Hopkins don’t from a pool nature of really deserve to of 27,095 this class, applicants, the Uni- be here.” an accepversity has tance rate decided to — ELLEN KIM, of 11.5 perter m i nate cent. The DIRECTOR OF enrollcohort has UNDERGRADUATE the highment for all current ADMISSIONS est average Hopk ins high school students GPA and to mobilize the highall available resources to est percentage of underbe at the disposal for the represented minorities on new students. record. Current seniors will “The class not only graduate in May as breaks University records planned, Provost Robert academically, but is also Lieberman explained, but the most diverse to date,” the remainder of the un- the University press redergraduates will not be lease said.
The previous record for diversity was held by the also-record-breaking Class of 2019. “The class not only breaks University records academically, but it the most diverse class Johns Hopkins has ever admitted,” that year’s press release said. Ellen Kim, director of undergraduate admissions, commented upon this trend of recordbreaking. “As a school, we are heading in a positive direction. Every new class we admit is undeniably superior to the previous class,” Kim said. “I hate to say this, but all the current students at Hopkins don’t really deserve to be here because they aren’t up to the caliber of the incoming classes.” Kim’s sentiment is shared across the school administration. As a result, the University has decided to end the enrollments of all current students to dedicate all of their resources to the superior incoming class. Lieberman elaborated SEE PREFROSH, PAGE A2,
and parties that apply to the student body. According to an email sent by University President Ronald J. Daniels to the University community on Tuesday, this provision has been in the works for several months. “After releasing the updated alcohol and party policy in the fall that required students to register their off-campus parties, we realized that enforcement would be a difficult issue,” Daniels wrote. “There are a decent number of students at Hopkins who want to
force,” Daniels wrote. “We are, therefore, leading by example and requiring all faculty and staff, myself included, to register their off-campus parties.” Daniels explained the penalties faculty and staff face if they do not comply, which were also devised by the student subcommittee. “If a faculty or staff member holds an unregistered party, all final exams will be canceled. Jk. You wish, homies!” Daniels wrote. “But in all seriousness, if a faculty SEE PARTIES, PAGE A3
Bloomberg funds new student center By NOT MICHAEL BLOOMBERG News & Features Editor
In a series of 24 University-wide emails, University President Ronald J. Daniels outlined his vision for the new student center, newly named Bloomberg Tower. Alumnus Michael Bloomberg donated $2.8 billion to the construction of the tower, which will be located on the current Mattin Center site. “I love Hopkins, I love money, and I love putting my name on buildings, so naturally I had to build this resplendent tower in my own image,” Bloomberg said. “And everyone knows that the Mattin Center is a breeding ground for crime and villainy.” Rising 43 stories and visible from every corner of Baltimore and the state of Mary-
INSIDE THIS ISSUE
Campus security has real tips
“Bring back Dershowitz”
The string of robberies has forced Campus Security to actually give students legitimate advice. NEWS, PAGE A7
A petition calling upon the University to name lawyer Alan Dershowitz as the Commencent speaker has over 4,000 signatures. NEWS, PAGE A5
socialize instead of study on weekends. We want to keep them safe, and the only way to do that is to make sure they register their parties.” He explained that the idea of how to enforce the registration provision came from the student subcommittee that collaborated with the Alcohol Strategy Working Group to draft the new alcohol and parties policy. “The students explained that we would be total hypocrites if we didn’t follow the very rules we’re trying to en-
Pietramala nets 12 goals Coming out of retirement mid-game, men’s lacrosse coach Dave Pietramala scored 12 goals. SPORTS, PAGE B10
COURTESY OF BLOOMBERG HIMSELF
The architecture firm’s design for the new Bloomberg Tower. land, the new student center will redefine the phrase “Hopkins’ shadow.” wAt the ground level, a cafeteria run by Bon Appetit will provide students with meals ranging from a $24.99 ribeye steak with melted butter sauce and a $45.00 Surf and Turf special, which Daniels says will appeal especially to members of the Greek community on campus. “We’re really going for budget unlimited,” he Facebook messaged The News-Letter. “Our dining service prides itself on being unaffordable, so why stop at a $10.00 sandwich?”
The administration will allocate space in Bloomberg Tower on the criteria of most creative bribe and Administration Title Trivia, where student groups must memorize the titles of all University administrators from Assistant Mega Provost for Towson-Hopkins Bilateral Relations Maxim Kulofsky through MegaDean of Vice 7/11 Taste Testing Paula Kardashian to Dean for Lacrosse and Economics Bobert Barbara. The Supranational Governmental Agency (SGA) will occupy the top 15 stories of the Tower, SEE TOWER, PAGE A2
NEWS & FEATURES A1 • HIP HOP A8 • OPINIONS A11 • YOUR WEEKEND B2 • ARTS B3 • CARTOONS B6 • SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY B7 • SPORTS B12