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How To Deal With Failures In The Past?
When I visited my parents in the early 2017, my brother accused me, that he said, name me one thing you ever succeeded in your life. I cried over that sentence for hours. After I came back, till now, we are okay. I refuse to post my update in the family chat group. Whenever I think of that sentence, I would still cry. That means, I do not really let go or forgive him. I wanted. I kept trying and trying. That is another drive for me to make more money and succeed in some way.
Make more money is part of success, not the whole, it is the part.
When I read the chapter of the book “Psycho Cybernetics”, “let the sleeping dog lie”, I thought about my failures. The biggest failure was my first marriage. I failed. I see divorce is a failure because I want a ever-lasting relationship. I said I failed also because I did not stand up for my value. I lost my focus and myself to please the other people.
This is a very good example of me to think about how to deal with failures in the past.
“These memories of past failures do not harm as long as our conscious thought and attention are focused on the positive goal to be accomplished. Therefore, it is best to let these sleeping dogs lie.” — Maxwell Maltz
We tried many things in our life and we failed. But we collect the data in order for our next trial to make it better. It is not for us to use the failure to put us down. You have to focus on the positive outcome you want to achieve. Going back to the marriage topic, right now I 1/2
know who I want and who am I. I will choose what I want based on my principle and my standard. I will make those things clear before we go even further. That saves us time. My failures in the first marriage just prepared me to have a better relationship and marriage in future.
“The minute that we change our minds and stop giving power to the past, the past with its mistakes loses its power over us.� — Maxwell Maltz
We do not dwell on our past failures. You, can not keep blaming yourself of your past. The past is the past. The important thing is we learn something from that experience. It is not for you to think, okay, I failed on that one, I must fail again on this. No, you do not say that to yourself. Yes, I failed before, but I will learn something from that experience and I will go better on my next trial.
The bottom line is be very gentle for yourself. You are worthy!
Jie Zheng Columbia, SC Dec. 17, 2017
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