A Biblical Approach to Counseling A Reflection Geries Shaheen - August 29, 2014
A BIBLICAL APPROACH TO COUNSELING - GERIES SHAHEEN
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A Biblical Approach to Counseling Through a biblical exposition on ethics, boundaries and relationship, as well as reflection of Jesus’ techniques, I believe it possible to develop a legal, biblically sound, relationally driven approach to changing lives. Many years ago I was called down to the guidance office at my high school. I was to meet with the guidance counselor. I had never spoken with a counselor before, let alone a high school guidance counselor. My mind was nervous as to what I was expected to say, or how to dialogue. I had many presuppositions about boundaries and authenticity. My Israeli culture had taught me what deep relationships ought look like. Therefore, my mindset was telling me that based on this man’s job title he is to become a close guide during my high school phase of life. I was convinced that his responsibilities would include knowing me at a personal level and understanding my unique situations and struggles. I stepped into his office. He pulled up my file on his computer and listed out a number of classes that I needed to take in order to successfully complete my freshman year. Once I nodded my head, he informed me that we would meet again halfway through the semester to see if my grades were acceptable. We shook hands, and I was on my way back to class. I felt disappointed, and very untrusting of this man. His job title, to me, clearly stated “ I'm here to guide you through life’s tough situations and make sure to be there for you when the going gets tough so that you can be successful in all aspects of life.” The sub line read “ therefore I have to ask you personal questions, develop a solid understanding of your life, and provide you with the appropriate resources to discover your self identity.” I sat back down in my seat, listened to my biology teacher talk about monkeys turning into humans, and felt more alone and reliant on peers than when I had first walked in to his office. This experience sparked a passionate series of life goals that are still burning bright. The meeting caused me to really look at the counseling world in a light of criticism. How are people going to change and progress if counselors do not make an effort to become a deep catalyst in client’s lives? I decided that my future career would be in counseling. I did not care about what type or in what field. I wanted to change lives, in the most effective and efficient way possible. I now see that my path is becoming clearer. The experience that ignited my anger is
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the same experience that has refined my calling. Yet with this refinement came many questions. How will I be different from what angered me? Would these differences be allowed? Are they, in fact, appropriate? What does our culture say about these techniques I would like to pursue? Lastly, and most importantly, does Jesus, or any scripture in the Bible, discuss this? I aim to find the answers to these questions. Is there a historically accurate “Jesus” approach of counseling? What is the modern day “Christian” approach of counseling? What constitutes the dynamics of dual relationships? What do modern day, culturally based, ethics have to say? Lastly, how could a Christian or Spiritual approach be utilized while still being legal in both a high school setting and private practice? Today’s professional counseling relationship looks different than that portrayed by Jesus. Noticeable differences are found in the concepts of boundaries, techniques, and styles of communication. Jesus’ biblical foundations for counseling, however, can be adapted and applied to meet the needs of our culture today. This is why I believe that through a biblical exposition on ethics, boundaries and relationship, as well as reflection of Jesus’ techniques, it is possible to develop a legal, biblically sound, relationally driven approach in changing lives. Understanding the Historical “Jesus” Approach of Counseling When thinking of Jesus and his ministry, during the time he was on earth, we do not picture a suit and tie character sitting in an office, using human created techniques to help a person who is in a tough situation. When thinking of Jesus we see a teacher, a healer, a rabbi, a friend, a Son, and a Savior. We see a being that truly believes counseling seeks to change the hearts of many, not just alter their behavior (Mk. 7:21-23; Prov. 4:23). Throughout the gospels, Jesus not only talks people through solutions, but we see him working miracles and changing peoples lives through specific relational situations. By reflecting on Jesus’ model of counseling, as well as referencing biblical principles, we find solid ground for what effective life changing looks like through counseling. We find counseling to be client-focused. We find
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a therapeutic relationship between the counselor and the client. Most importantly we find love. These concepts are found all throughout the scriptures. Client -focused counseling is defined in Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Descriptions of true counselor qualities are found in Colossians 3:12 “Clothe yourself with: Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” This passage shows that a person cannot merely dialogue these aspects with people; it has to be lived out as a display to clients. In Colossians 4:6 there is another refining definition of being a counselor. “Let your conversation be always full of grace (acceptance and love), seasoned with salt (relationships), so that you may know how to answer everyone!” We are to always display grace. We are to accept unconditionally. Maybe not to accept the situation, but accept the God created person. The client/ counselor relationship is also described in in Mark 9:50 “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourself (a relationship with yourself and God), and be at peace with each other.” We are guided to show people how to be salt, and to include them in salty situations. This is describing a truly therapeutic relationship. These biblical principles are guiding us into a natural state of rejuvenation. This rejuvenation and renewal is backed by the ability to provide care and tools to our clients. 1 Peter 3:15 tells us to always hold Christ as Lord in our hearts. We are told to be prepared to give a reason for the hope that we have, and to do it with gentleness and respect. When we offer care and guidance, based in the foundation of hope in Christ, we are offering legitimate reason, purpose, self-esteem, and belonging into peoples lives (Adams, 1973). Godly relationships are founded in love. Love to heal, love to relate, and love to be deeper in understanding, living life together. Jesus’ counseling results in obedience. Current culturally accepted counseling exists to walk with the person as they make whatever decision they want. While this is evidently a person’s right, when we look at Jesus’ approach, his counsel had God as the focus (God’s call to our lives). Current counseling has the individual as the focus. While it is imperative for a client to learn self-care, this notion subtly makes the will of man supreme (Schneider 2001). We are warned in scripture not to trust human wisdom for principles of living,
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understanding of human attitudes, motives, behaviors, or our solution for man's inner problems. (Psalm 1:1-2, Colossians 2:8). We are warned in scripture not to trust our own wisdom because we can be deceived by our own wisdom. (Proverbs 3:5-6, 14:12, 16:2, 25, 21:2, Jeremiah 17:9). We are instructed in scripture that God's wisdom is superior to man's wisdom. Therefore, man's wisdom should not be added to God's wisdom as solutions to man's inner problems. (1 Cor 1:21, 25, 2:2-5, 3:20, Isaiah 55:8-11). We are instructed in scripture that God's wisdom is sufficient to counsel the inner person. (Psalm 119:24, 99, 100, Hebrews 4:12, Psalm 19:7-11). Chasing after human answers only seems to lead to more questions and problems. If we only base our counseling in philosophically superior, yet Biblically absent-minded individuals, then we are merely helping people feel better rather than truly living better. Jesus didn't aim to make people feel better. He desired holistic improvement. He wanted the whole of people. His approach was to use words that strike at the very core of human emotion. He challenged those human desires that led to personal gain. He pointed towards humility. His words were designed to shock people into reconsidering their values. His own life explained the meekness he prescribed, offering people to learn by example. Most importantly, Jesus offered a safe place to argue. He invites us to grapple with his points. He does this because truth truly does win out (Matthew 5) Understanding the Modern Day Christian Approach of Counseling Professor of physiology Martin H. Fischer is quoted to say “Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification.” I completely agree with him. In gathering the reasons, and gaining an understanding of the modern day roots in the Christian approach of counseling, we can better see its implications and shortcomings. In the Christian counseling world there are three basic schools of thought. They are; psychological counseling, integration counseling, and biblical counseling. Psychological counseling combines human observations with human wisdom to construct a system of counsel that helps people deal with their problems and life issues. Integration counseling combines human observation, human wisdom, and the Bible to construct a system of counsel to help man deal with problems and issues of life. This form is also labeled as Christian counseling. Biblical counseling uses the Scripture to construct a system of counsel in helping man deal with problems and issues of life (Crabb, 1975). Two of these three forms of Christian
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counseling focus on human logic and relationship dynamics within their praxis. These concepts are rooted in psychological theories. These theories stem back to many famous names; Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Alfred Adler, and Eric Erickson. Sigmund Freud is best noted for his theories of psychosexual development, the id-ego, super -ego, defense mechanisms, and the role of the unconscious. Carl Jung is noted for his dream analysis, as was Freud. (Berg, 1993). Alfred Adler stressed the importance of birth order on personality development. Eric Erickson believed unconscious conflicts were due to psychosocial stages (Feldman, 2009). All of these theorists based their studies in the mindset of Humanistic psychology. Humanistic psychology emphasizes the importance of self-direction and choosing our path of development. The aim of humanistic therapy is to help the client approach a stronger and healthier sense of self- actualization. Really understanding oneself is the key. Humanistic psychology's motivation is to be a science of human experience, focusing on the actual lived experience of persons (Schneider, 2001). Yet how does humanistic psychology call us to look at ourselves? What standards or laws are we to compare with? I cannot find any morally based components or redemptive justices in this method. Having derived from Existentialism could be in itself a reason for this lack of moral components and redemptive justices. Existentialism declares that the individual is solely responsible for giving his/ her own life meaning. Therefore, once we figure out what we are naturally, our desires and our inner self, then we can accept it and live it out. While this is a functional approach, I believe it poses a problem. For Christians; if humanity is now born into a fallen world with a fallen natural state, which requires the redeeming love and sacrifice of Jesus, then wouldn't our inner self be flawed? If Existentialism expresses a responsibility to create and define one’s own life meaning based on our inner self, and our inner self is naturally flawed (based on Christian belief) then this process would leave people in a very depressive and dangerous state. Through this rooting we see that psychological counseling and integration counseling are in direct line with techniques based in opposition of everything Jesus taught, as well as opposition to biblical principles. We are taught to seek wisdom through Gods character, not human logic. If a counselor conducts sessions with God being the foundation, then results will be evident (Dr. Wesley G Rowe). Anything else as the foundation will only lead to temporary change.
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Understanding Dual relationships within a biblical framework A dual relationship in counseling is when a counselor is more than just a counselor to the client. If a counselor is also a family member, a church member, a friend, a soccer coach, a teacher, or any other title in the clients’ life, then it is labeled as a dual relationship. The label of dual relationship seems to be completely frowned upon due to client and counselor presupposed thoughts, which may arise during sessions (Gabriel, 2005). Dual relationships are deemed “bad” because the social aspect of the relationship perceives one person having more power over the other. The counselor would be held at a different light than the client. The relationship would not be equal; it would be taking away power from the client. Dual relationships are said to affect many aspects of the professional counseling relationship. A dual relationship would discourage a client’s capacity for free and independent thinking. It might cause a bias in the counselor. Once these points on dual relationships are understood, we begin to realize that everyone on the face of the earth lives in dual relationships. It is also realized that we are technically called to live a life of dual relationships. We are pushed to impact lives in the most effective and infectious way. Jesus himself was not only a miracle worker. He was teacher, a counselor, a healer, a rabbi, a friend, a Son, a Savior. The most effective change we see in life is when a friend impacts another friend. Peers are the ones that shape and form society, unfortunately. There exists a fear, however, that counselors who find themselves in dual relationship situations will eventually have sex with their clients. "A gradual erosion of role boundaries in a non sexual dual relationship culminates in a sex-based relationship (Gabriel, 2005). Over time, then, the relational boundaries erode and the line between appropriate therapy contact and inappropriate contact blurs, fostering sexual relating." Obviously having sex with a client is not an appropriate action. This is not the type of dual relationship I am discussing. For example, a minister is not only a man that stands at the front of the room on Sundays and preaches. He is also the friend, a reliable figure you
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can share your inner conflicts with, the person you can laugh with, the church worker who can help when things are confusing. It seems as though dual relationships are the most impacting. With all the negative situations recorded out there about dual relationships, " It must be realized that it is impossible to avoid every kind of dual relationship and that, in fact, not all dual relationships are necessarily harmful. " (Huber, 1994). I am under the impression that if a counselor’s objectivity is threatened, then the dual relationship is harmful. Honestly, there seems to be no consensus among psychologists, counselors, psychotherapists, social workers, etc., on the “goodness” or “badness” of nonsexual dual relationships, just that it could lead to negative outcomes. A healthy approach taken by the therapist could be one based on concern for the welfare of the client, their children, and their family. While at the same time reflecting his or her beliefs about appropriate family authority and structure. This is exactly what Jesus tells us to do in Matthew 25: 45 "'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me. ". Christian therapists must look beyond the perspectives of society on this issue of dual relationships. Looking outside the culture, become supra-cultural in thinking. Assess what types of freedoms are needed to help the client progress in a developmentally appropriate way. Fully understanding all aspects of their life, and experiencing situations with other people. This allows for better solutions. "Making a child feel loved is the first and most important part of good discipline." (Crabb, 1975). How could a relationship be truly impacting, if it is limited to dialogue? It seems that the perception of dual relationships is based solely on the culture and social construct (Danilevich, 1991).
Understanding Modern Day, Culturally Based Ethics Even though we now understand what the historical Jesus looked like in the field of counseling, we get a generic view of Christian counseling. We can see the positives and negatives of dual relationships. It is still beneficial to know what modern day ethics, in the counseling community, say about boundaries within the counseling relationship. In the Christian counseling ethics: a handbook for therapists, pastors & counselors, there is a list of socially authoritative guidelines by which the Christian counseling community lives by. Here is a paraphrased version to better understand what they are trying to say. 1) If you work for an agency that pays you or doesn’t pay you, you cannot take money or gifts from your client. 2) You cannot just charge whatever you want. 3) You cannot counsel on something you are not trained in. 4) Everything you do is for the client, with them in mind. Not for your
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personal gain in any way. 5) Do not partake in things or situations that might lead to the misuse of your influence. Like being part of a Nazi movement, or getting high with friends, or deceiving people. 7) You cannot have sex or have sensual experiences with clients, cannot have romance, and if you have had counseled someone, you cant engage or pursue them until two years later. 8) Cannot be mean in a sexual way, harassing people or engage in physical sexual contact. 9) Cannot discriminate, no stereotyping; everyone needs help, so you have to view them as humans without the labels. 10) Live above reproach, if you do not, you can damage the public trust of counseling. You have to avoid behavior that is against obvious accepted moral and legal standards. 11) Anything you write, say, tape, or record anywhere must meet with these rules. 12) If you seriously diverge from these rules you must withdraw, for your own good, from practice. 13) Your number one rule is to respect and help out the bitterness of people’s lives. This mean you might have to protect people from entering into crazy situations. 14) If you think the person could get better help somewhere else, for whatever reason, send that person there. 15) If the client is dangerous, you have to tell potential victims and authorities. 16) Be responsible enough to keep records for 5 years. 17) You always need to tell people what you plan on doing with them. 18) If you are a counselor and also have a higher up job, you can't offer your services, or other people’s services if someone asks, or needs it. 19) You have to make sure people agree to you counseling them. 20) Keep your mouth shut about names, and their problems, cannot disclose who the people are. 21) Cannot make false claims about things. 22) When you consult someone about something they need help with, you are not helping them; you are helping their problem. 23) You have to be seeking to be the best at what you do. These all seem to be very Biblically based. Yet, they do not leave me with as much freedom as Jesus had. Could one, for example, be able to hang out at a wedding, drink wine, and answer people’s questions about life? Would one be able to relax on a boat with a client, and discuss how he could make his marriage work? These are the situations of change. These ethics offer us a strong line to cross over. However; there is no need to cross over them, if counseling is completed in an appropriate manner. The only problem becomes that these same ethics can be molded into shapes which could get a counselor “in trouble” based on who is reading them, not what is actually written. This code of ethics is really a flexible code of “if something seems wrong do not do it.” These guidelines mention all sorts of aspects of counseling. Yet there were no specifics on non-sexual, dual relationships. The closest point was to live above reproach. A counselor can live above reproach in a dual relationship just the same as living above reproach in a counselor/client relationship. A male counselor can
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just as easily fall in lust with a client he had never met before. The true challenge is what you do with that situation.
How this Approach can be Utilized and be Legal A high school student walks into my office. He is lost, in life and in desire. He is a freshman. He has been sheltered from the world, and wants to explore his options of future decisions. A counselors provision would be to set him up with an experience that will culture him into reality, through times of social integration, job exploration, and a gaining of self identity. Social integration would be over food or an activity. The client/counselor bond would be that of closeness. The counselor will fully understand the student’s background, heritage, family culture, and deep desires. The counselor will take the student on job days to different career locations. This will offer the student a chance to job shadow and build contacts by the time they graduate. The student will gain a better self-identity through the counseling relationship. The counselor will be there in times of need. The counselor will push a proactive stance on topics and decisions that ought to be thought about. If a counselor were to do these things in real life, they would probably be fired. Yet this seems to be the most effective form of living life and sharing it. How could such approach be utilized and be legal. There are two settings in which this mindset would fit. The high school setting and the private practice. In a high school setting, the student may choose to opt out of counseling and just sign up for classes on their own accord. In a private practice a counselor could have the client sign a release form allowing this type of counseling work. Considering the basic passion for change in a student’s life would be there no matter what the medium, I would stick to the most acceptable form of attack. If it means killing my desire for free act and guided teaching, then so be it. In a private practice situation, it would come down to the case of having clients sign a release form which includes any type of technique or method a counselor might decide to utilize (within the code of ethics and legal mandate). This release form would have to be approved by a lawyer and fully understood by the clients. Those are the only ways these methods could be lived out legally and truthfully.
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References Adams, J. 1973. The Christian Counselor’s Manual. Baker Book House. Grand Rapids. Berg, I. 1993. The new language of change: Constructive collaboration in psychotherapy. Crabb, L. 1975. Basic Principles of Biblical Counseling. Zondervan. Grand Rapids. Danilevich, T. 1991.Fundamentals of the World Religious Ethics. Feldman, R. 2009. Discovering The Life Span. Pearson. Upper Saddle River, N. J. Guiford. New York. Lynne, G. 2005. Speaking the unspeakable: the ethics of dual relationships in counseling and psychotherapy. New York. Learning From the Counseling Techniques of Jesus. Dr. Wesley G Rowe, Senior Pastor, Calvary Bible Church, Ypsilanti, MI National Board For Certified Counselors Code Of Ethics NIV Bible (OWL, and other web sources say it needs not referencing.) Sanders. R. 1997. Christian counseling ethics: a handbook for therapists, pastors & counselors.
Intervarsity Press. Downers Grove.
Schneider, K. J. 2001. The handbook of humanistic psychology : leading edges in theory, research, and practice. Sage Publications. Thousand Oaks, CA.
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