Journeys to MOTHERHOOD

Tell us about your fertility journey.

My sister had previously been a surrogate for a family, and it had gone extremely well for her. She had already carried two of her own children, but I wasn’t ready to carry a child for someone else as my first pregnancy experience, so I chose to donate my eggs in 2019. It was extremely rigorous but rewarding. I remember my sister telling me about the wonderful family she carried a baby for, so I felt like I was something similar for another family, even if I’d never meet them. The families that received my eggs chose me out of many people after reading my profile and seeing photos of me, so I felt honored. I chose to do it again in 2020 and I’m so glad I took the opportunity to do it. There is risk with this process, and since I didn’t have any children of my own (I still don’t), many people didn’t agree with my choice, but I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to carry a child, so I figured, why not give someone else the opportunity?

What has this experience most taught you?

I had no idea what women went through when they chose IVF. I knew it was hard, but after injecting myself with the same hormones and being on the same rigorous schedule and health routine to donate, I now understand how exhausting it must be to go through so much effort and oftentimes not see results quickly. Something else I’ve learned through that experience is that it’s such a taboo topic. I’m very open about my donations and I can tell it makes people uncomfortable sometimes. It’s interesting that people can talk about actively trying for a baby and support others who are trying, but the conversation doesn’t quite go the same way when you tell people that you’re personally involved in helping a couple have a baby. I consider surrogacy and egg donation to be high up there with families who choose to adopt. It takes commitment and a deep understanding of the risks and complications, and those who still choose to do these things despite the obstacles they could face clearly value children, even if they’ve chosen not to or are unable to carry a child of their own.

How do you think this experience has changed you and/or your perspectives?

I was already passionate about women’s reproductive health and rights, but experiencing this helped me understand it on a deeper level. I’ve been married before and became a stepmother to a seven-year-old boy at 21, then I donated my eggs at the age of 22 and again at 23. So, although I don’t have the experience of carrying a child of my own, I do understand the value that children truly bring to our society, and how rewarding and meaningful parenthood can be. I hope to share that experience with a partner one day, but if I choose not to, I can rest easily knowing that I used my body for the benefit of another child to be brought into the world either way, in addition to bringing joy into a family who otherwise may not have been able to experience the gift of parenthood.

Why are you sharing your story?

I believe it’s important for people to understand that there are so many facets to fertility, and just because it looks different or doesn’t align with your understanding of women’s reproductive journeys, doesn’t mean that it’s wrong or weird. Questions should be asked, and conversations should be had. That’s the only way to encourage others to see the value that women and children bring to the table, which hopefully, in turn, will help us enact change in the workplace regarding childcare and maternity/paternity leave, among many other social issues that we face today.

What would you tell someone embarking on your same path?

It can be extremely emotional knowing that there is probably a little one (or several) with half your genes running around, likely in the same state as you. It made some of my family members uncomfortable with the fact that I was “handing over my DNA for someone else to raise as their own,” but that’s not how I looked at it. Your view on your experience and your connection with your body and what you’re comfortable with is all that matters. It’s not right for everyone, and that’s okay. I just knew it felt right for me. The first time was a little scary, especially giving myself shots, going to appointments three days a week, and being put to sleep for the procedure. With that being said, I felt blessed that I was healthy enough to freely give something that not many people can. A lot of genetic and psychological testing is done beforehand, so when I passed everything, I felt like it was the least I could do for a family.

What does motherhood mean to you?

I failed to mention previously that I think a lot of my motivation for donating my eggs and contributing to a family in that sense is probably because I’m adopted. I feel like motherhood is not exclusive to carrying a child, or even raising a biological child. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve encountered so many women in my life who I lovingly call “mom” (although my adoptive mom is still my favorite). I have so many nieces and nephews and friends’ children who I have a hand in helping with, in very personal ways at times. I think it truly does take a village, and I believe if we value children, even if we don’t have our own, we will at some point in our lives experience a facet of parenthood, however unconventional it may be.

Tell us about your fertility journey.

My journey truly started when I was 16—I went to my o/b because I had not had a cycle since I was 13, so I asked if it was something that I should have been concerned about and was told no. I was put on birth control and that was that. Fast forward to 27: I had just married the love of my life and I had been on some type of birth control since I was 16 years old. I had tried it all from pills to implants. I had been diagnosed with PCOS and hypothyroidism, both of which I was told would make it difficult to get pregnant. After 6 months of trying, I went to my gynecologist and asked if she could complete some testing. I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Skorupski with Aspire Fertility Institute and then I was sent into the shock of my life: 12 vials of blood, genetic testing, and a hysteroscopy later, my husband and I found out I lack the hormone that allows my body to ovulate. The next conversation was about what options would work for me. Dr. Skorupski recommended either Clomid or IVF. He told us our chances with Clomid were 4-6% and IVF was 40-60%. We are huge numbers people and thought our odds were better with IVF. I began my testing and getting ready for my cycle in October but didn’t take my first injection of STIMS (medication to stimulate your follicles) until December 31, 2021. After 13 days of injections, I was ready for my egg retrieval. I am a very lucky candidate due to the fact Dr. Clapp was able to retrieve 18 mature follicles. After 24 hours, I received a call that 13 of my follicles had been fertilized. On day 5, I had 8 that had survived and made it to a blastocyst. This was so exciting! We then sent the embryos to be genetically tested. This took about a week to get the results back. In the end, I was left with 4 embryos that were classified as “normal,” 2 boys and 2 girls. Brock and I were over the moon. Four little chances for a family! On February 21, 2022, at 7:16am, we transferred our sweet little boy. We waited two days to see if there were any predictions of him implanting. I was given the best news that my levels were rising, and we were headed in the right direction. At 5w6d, I heard the most beautiful sound. My son had a heartbeat! It was amazing and such a sign of relief. I am so blessed to say, we were able to graduate from the fertility clinic and move to being a “regular” pregnant patient on April 12, 2022. 134 injections, 3 procedures, endless number of prayers led to my handsome Roper Michael being born on October 25, 2022 at 10:40PM. I am so beyond thankful for science and faith for helping me start my little family!

What has this experience most taught you?

This experience taught me how strong I am. I used to flat-out faint at the sign of needles and I went through a total of 162 by the end of my pregnancy. That is a ton in just 10 months. I was also tested in so many ways mentally, physically, and emotionally. It also taught me so much patience and flexibility. I am a huge control freak and when it’s your body that has to grow these follicles to the right size in the right time (I’m talking down to the literal minute) and you have no control over your own body’s ability to do that it is super humbling.

How do you think this experience has changed you and/or your perspectives?

It has definitely changed my outlook and perspective on the little things. I am a person that gets anxious about the future and not knowing what comes with it. I still get this way from time to time but I am so blessed to have Roper and to be able to watch him grow up right in front of me. I really try to soak in every second that I can with him and to make all the memories that I can. I know that this could have easily not been my reality and it is something that I will cherish forever.

Why are you sharing your story?

Infertility is slowly coming to the forefront of conversations since women’s health is a huge topic in the news, but I believe it is not where it should be. When I was going through my IVF journey, I was so thankful to have two friends that have used the same fertility clinic and doctor that I did so I was able to bounce ideas and issues off of them but I know that not all women have that. I want to be able to share my story with whoever needs it because infertility is not a bad word. Infertility is a burden that needs to be taken with a village. If I can be that village for someone else, then it would be completely worth it in sharing my story.

What would you tell someone embarking on your same path?

Take it all in. The highs and the lows make the journey. Gather your support system because you are going to need it. Depending on your treatment plan, it can be along road. Months and sometimes even years. You are going to need someone to lean on to help get you through it.

What does motherhood mean to you?

To me, motherhood means a fresh start. You are allowed to do whatever you want when raising your child. If you want to change how you were raised, go for it! If you want to be the crunchy, silky, or Type A mom, go for it. I am able to do whatever I want when raising my child and I think that makes it so much fun. Motherhood to me means I get to make my son’s childhood memorable for both him and me.