ION HOMOSCOPES

For quite a while Jupiter has giving you help, offering ways to better yourself. On May 16 the giant planet packs up and leaves. So, now’s the time to open up those gifts Jupiter. Ruin your eyesight a little.

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20

Take inventory of the past. What worked? What didn’t? Look for Jupiter to promote growth after May 17. Birthday Cows will find new opportunities and a beneficial compromise takes place. Have a taffy pull or polish the pearl, girl!

GEMINI May 21 - June 21

You’ve always been dramatic, and that’s okay. Time to flip the script when Gemini Season begins on May 21 and the Sun is in your sign. Birthday Twins learn when to unplug and when to plug in. Ram the ham or shuck the corn.

CANCER June 22 - July 22

This is your time to shine. Projects and assignments need to be completed, but your audacious charm convinces others to help. Don’t get greedy just because you’re cute. Sexy Venus urges you to rub one out. Why say “no”?

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Leave the door open for Jupiter to help you move ahead with something meaningful. This takes more than luck. You’ll meet people who can make this happen. Like Rosie Palmer and her five sons. Or daughters.

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

You’re uptight. We all know that. (Don’t be all butt-hurt. You know it’s true.) Pluto goes retrograde and urges you to “Let it go! Let it go!” The New Moon on May 19 encourages you to plant a seed. Or spill it, Onan style.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

As the Goddess of Love, Venus has her hands all over you and your relationships. Pluto goes retrograde on May 1, and it’s time for a makeover. You might have a summer fling. Or you might not. You can always play Uno.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23

It feels like you’re starting all over. You’re not. You’re refining and perfecting “you” thanks to the lunar eclipse on May 5. You’ll emerge as a new incarnation Wax on. Whack off.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Feeling more outgoing and confident? You can thank Mercury for that. It’s time to look for a deeper understanding with others. Mutual handies can be fun.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

The lunar eclipse stirs up social drama. . Venus and Saturn get flirty, and so do you. If you’re alone (or with someone else) you can always diddle the skittle.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Connect with the beauty of everyday life. Don’t be a size queen. Little things make a big difference. Make stomach pancakes if you’re bored.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Someone who drifted away returns for a karmic reunion. Taurus and Cancer are on your side. Someone needs your skills. Self-imposed abstinence? Slam the clam or go to the palm prom.