Second Supper 98 by Joel Kuennen

Volume 7 Issue 98 December 20, 2007

305 Pearl St. Downtown La Crosse Publisher: Mike Keith

and

mike.keith@secondsupper.com

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief: Joel Kuennen

editor@secondsupper.com

Executive Editor: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

Copy Editor: Briana Rupel

copyeditor@secondsupper.com

Satire Editor Joe Gullo

joe@secondsupper.com

Student Editor: Ben Clark

benjamin.clark@secondsupper.com

Editorial Intern: Katie Hansen katie.hansen@secondsupper.com

Photo Editor: Kelly Morrison

kelly.morrison@secondsupper.com

Contributers:

for tickets call: 608-789-4545 Leon Country Floors, Fiesta Mexicana, Ricks Certified Auto Tomah

LA CROSSE Tim Bavlnka Adam Bissen Scott Brown Nicholas Cabreza

Benjamin Clark Erin Ceiling Brett Emerson Emily Faeth Katie Hansen

James Johnson Joel Kuennen Kelly Morrison Maria Pint Briana Rupel

Noah Singer Matt Wolf WINONA Ingrid Alm Melissa Kibler

business Staff General Manager: James Johnson

james.johnson@secondsupper.com

Sales Manager: Justin Plant

justin.plant@secondsupper.com

Sales Representatives: Geoff Johnson geoff.johnson@secondsupper.com

Emily Faeth emily.faeth@secondsupper.com

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

www.secondsupper.com 2

Innards

Ă&#x2022; page 6-7

Religious Holiday Gift Guide - page 13

Community Service page 24-25

Revie ws - Your Guide to Consumption - page 17-20

Page 23

Happenings, page 22

December 20, 2007

The Festivus Carol, a short story

The Top Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year, 2007 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

w00t facebook conundrum quixotic blamestorm sardoodledom apathetic

TLC Songs 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Creep Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg Waterfalls Kick Your Game Switch Baby-Baby-Baby Hat 2 Da Back

Most Googled Presidential Candidates in 2007 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Ron Paul Fred Thompson Hillary Clinton Barack Obama John Edwards Mitt Romney John McCain

Superpowers 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Superintelligence Invisibility Telepathy Teleportation Shapeshifting Reduced/enhanced senses Walking through walls

Best selling albums of 2007 1. High School Musical 2, Soundtrack 2. Daughtry, self-titled 3. Linkin Park, Minutes to Midnight 4. Miley Cyrus, Hannah Montana 2 Soundtrack 5. Fergie, the Duchess 6. Eagles, Long Road Out of Eden 7. Kanye West, Graduation

Highest grossing movies of 2007 1. Spider Man 3 2. Shrek the Third 3. Transformers 4. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End 5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 6. The Bourne Ultimatum 7. 300

he date is December 22nd, 2007, and our Festivus get together is just about to begin. I’ve made sure to invite all of the year’s biggest hits: Hillary Clinton, George Bush, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Roger Clemens, O.J. Simpson and — of course — Karl Rove. The eggnog bowl was set with my personal recipe: eggs, sugar, milk, whiskey, rum, and just a hint of absinthe.The guests were getting nice and toasty, laughing and jesting around the Festivus pole, waiting for the traditional Festivus feast to take place. As my newly-graduated Art Major/personal maid served us a nicely cooked Festivus Turducken, we sat down, ready to engage in my favorite Festivus tradition: The airing of grievances. The guests were all sitting, and were looking intently at your humble narrator. And believe me, my brothers; it was going to be a Festivus that they would remember. “Alright gang, now’s the time where we go through the airing of grievances. And believe me, there’s plenty to go around.” I began, making sure to look every single one of my guests in the eye while they struggled with their Turducken. With their eggnog glasses refilled, their appetites sated, and their rapt attention, I began to rip into each and every one of them. “Let’s start with you, Hillary,” I began, raising my eggnog high to the sky. “You know what? I’m done with you.” Hillary looked as if she was about to start protesting my attack, but I cut her off. “Don’t you start that female bullshit with me, sweetie. I’ve seen you on the debates; I’ve watched you on the senate floor arguing with those around you, and I have to say, I’m frightened of you. I’ve seen more realistic human features in Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet. If you believe that you’re robotic-like perfection is going to win votes, then you’re more insane than Ron Paul.” With one down, I turned my targets to Roger Clemens. He was sitting at the head of the table with a mouthful of chicken and was laughing hysterically. I began just as I had with Hillary: completely honest and totally brutal. “What are you laughing at, Clemens? You’re next, buddy.” Clemens’ laughing immediately stopped, and my question was met with a cold, icy stare. “Alright, now it’s your turn. I have a question, and I was wondering if you could help me out with an answer, Clemmy-boy. Just how much steroids does one have to do to have their name mentioned in a national report on steroid use in national sports? Don’t know the answer? Well, don’t worry about it, Mr. Asterisk.” At this point, my guests were starting to get a little nervous as to my little monologues at their expense. George Bush immediately excused himself from the table, stood up, and left the room, desperately trying to cover a rather large noticeable wet splotch at the crotch of his pants. With two of my guests sitting in shocked silence, and the other two sitting nervous anticipation, my continued with my celebration of Festivus. “Oh, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! Is there anything about you that I can’t find absolutely horrid? I could start with your choice of dress, which makes Bollywood actors appear downright socially acceptable in a world without a caste system. The sunglasses? Lose them, my man. You’re not a goddamn Bond villain, for Christ’s sake; why dress like one? Now, about this whole “death to the Western world” bullshit. You know as well as I do that if you didn’t have the “Western infidels” to blame for your problems, your native Iranians would start asking questions. Violent questions. With bullets. I suggest you take a page from Castro’s notes, and rule Iran with a quiet, unnoticeable burning hatred towards the U.S., but refusing to act on those impulses. I promise, there will be 72 virgins waiting for you if you can just let us “stupid Americans” keep making the same mistakes. Trust me.” Ahmadinejad just stared down at his half-eaten piece of Turducken, which I reminded him was prepared by a Jewish chef. I turned my gaze to Karl Rove, who was sitting with his arms crossed, completely indifferent to the abuse I had just hurled upon my other guests. “Ladies and gentlemen, I have saved the best for last. Karl Rove. Oh my, Karl Rove. Let me just begin my mentioning how tactful your resignation earlier this year was. Who would have thought that just as major players in this administration began to take the full responsibility for their actions, you and your hair plugs got the fuck out of there in a heartbeat. So what are you doing in your free time? Having a hard time deciding between drowning puppies or kittens? You are a bad

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Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

When Pigs Fly man, Mr. Rove.You have set this country onto a path to darkness in which we may never recover. And why did you do it? Because the profit was good. I have to advice to give you, except to cut down your arms instead of across.” With all of my guests in complete shock, I declared this Festivus a success. I had Hillary wrestle O.J., under protest, for the final act of the Feats of Strength. As O.J. bitterly cried “racist!” Hillary grabbed his knees and pinned him to the ground while Ahmadinejad and Rove looked in with very somber glances. As Hillary got herself up from the ground, I told my guests that Festivus was finished, and that they were free to leave. Not a dry eye left my house that evening, but I went to bed with a smile of satisfaction on my face. This was the best Festivus ever. — Ben Clark

Hope you folks enjoyed that festive tale and will enjoy the rest of this fine publication as well. We’re on break now till January 10th so until then, Happy Festivus, Happy New Year! And remember, the world ends in 2012, so party on, 4 years left!

NEIGHBORS BATTLE WITH ROCKS & CLUBS Sunday, December 2, 1883, La Crosse Sunday Morning News The Kelly and Page families graced the courtroom with their presence on Friday afternoon on charges of assaulting each other. Kelly is a perambulating linen merchant, while Page belongs to the noble fraternity of plumbers, who hail cold weather with delight as it brings busted water pipes. They and their families occupy adjacent tenements, and Friday morning they became altogether too sociable, even for such close neighbors. Mrs. Page was in her yard gathering wood chips in a pan when the impulse seized her to step onto Mr. Kelly’s premises and bat him over the head with the tin utensil Very ungallantly, Mr. Kelly replied to her salute by caroming on her cranium with a club. Of course Mr. Page could not stand quietly by and see the partner of his bosom thus assaulted, so he put up his fists and tried to knock out Mr. Kelly. That gentleman and his club were, however, too much for the valiant plumber and he soon looked like a ragged page from an old spelling book. Meanwhile, the other members of the respective families joined the battle and streaked the pale air with clubs, rocks, and tin cans while screeching and yelling, causing the neighbors in that vicinity to think that Hell had ‘let out for noon.” When order once more reigned, Mr. Page resembled a Thanksgiving turkey after the feast, and a doctor was called to put him back together. During his court appearance Friday, Mr. Kelly stepped out of the courtroom for a moment and he has been stepping out ever since, so far that the police cannot find him. True Tales of La Crosse: Unusual Stories from Old Newspapers of La Crosse, Wisconsin Compiled and edited by Douglas Connell (La Crosse, Wis. : D. Connell), 1994.

December 20, 2007

By Adam Bissen, Executive Editor

By Ben Clark, Student Editor

adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

First off — and this won’t earn me any bonus points amongst my 1,465 friends who smoke — but it was disappointing to see local lawmakers quiver in the face of a public smoking ban. I don’t have the space here to fully explain why a city would be more inviting without concentrated pockets of cigarette haze, but anyone who doesn’t think a smoking ban is inevitable is either kidding himself or living in a place that isn’t America. Yet when a local coalition introduced a draft ordinance to several communities this spring, Onalaska caved to outside pressure and voted it down, while every other government sat on the ban, preferring to wait for state action. Government by passing-the-buck is spineless enough, but one should know better than to wait on that other gaggle of disappointment, the Wisconsin state legislature. I understand that sometimes it takes a while to get your act together, but passing a budget four months after the deadline? That’s just deplorable. Wisconsin was the last state in the union to pass a budget, which not only tied up other important legislation and delayed the plans of every local government in the state, it also made us rank behind Illinois in something, which is shameful. In other disappointing aspects of 2007, the Arcade Fire released a just-OK album, Joe Gullo flaunted his fancy iPhone, the Milwaukee Brewers blew a huge lead to the Chicago Cubs and Congress actually believed that sending more U.S. soldiers to Iraq would de-escalate the war. My final disappointment goes out to corporate media. It’s unfortunate that a two-and-a-half year presidential primary is essentially moot after the mainstream media select their top horses of the race and report only on them. Here in La Crosse it’s disappointing that the major newspaper gives local stories the short shift while celebrity and hand-washing features get the full treatment. Oh, well. At least its always-entertaining “blogs” [sic] prove that Second Supper isn’t the worst local source for complaining about everything.

benjamin.clark@secondsupper.com First off, let me wish everybody here a very happy Festivus, and I hope that your aluminum pole is just as drab as always. As per tradition, we shall now go with the airing of grievances; the time of the year where we let all of our disappointment towards a very special someone out in the open. And this year, I’m looking at you, UW-L. I’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU! My first issue, of course, is the lack of student response from our campus. Do you like the paper? Do you absolutely loathe each and every article and everybody involved in the paper in the most miniscule way? Are you a total wimp and totally indifferent? What’s the story, UW-L? By this time last year, we had scores of letters both celebrating what we were bringing to the community as well as expressing a complete sense of offense to everything we were bringing to the community. You can all see my email address in the front cover. There it is, right under my name: Motherfucking Student Editor. Does this airing of grievance tick you off? Send me an email letting me know that you would rather see me in a ditch with a bullet hole than moving papers around campus. My next issue: The theft of all those flyers I have to put up every week advertising for the non-existent student meeting. I’m just trying help you out, UW-L. Student organizations are a great way to bump your resume. Why, just think how proud that manager at McDonalds will be when you show him that you have had real experience writing for a real paper! Yet every week, without fail, I will walk around campus heartbroken to discover a large number of my flyers stolen or ripped down from our many paper racks around the academic buildings. Why the hate, UW-L? Can’t you just ease the suffering of a poor, poor man trying to advertise a meeting which will ultimately benefit you? Those fliers are costing me 18 cents for each one. 18 cents! Do you know how much money I’m spending on you guys to completely ignore me? A lot, that’s how much. For this next semester, I’m counting on you UW-L. Make the happiest Campus Editor in the history of satire-to-real-journalism publications ever. The power is in you, my friends. And hopefully, with your help, we’ll have an awesome spring semester. Remember, UW-L. I’m not just doing this for me; I’m doing this for all of us.

By Zach Kaszynski, The Newbie zach.kaszynski@secondsupper.com OK, I got a lot of problems with you people. I have been wronged, and this is how: ¤ Confound you, English 110.You have bored me with your in-class time and thrown me off with your stinking homework. ¤ And why are you such a pain, Quillin’s.You drive up the prices of your food like an airport gift shop! Way to take advantage of the poorest demographic: college students. ¤ I’m angry with Nintendo. I’m stuck with a Gamecube, while others enjoy the bounties of PS2 and Xbox. What’s good about Gamecube? I could be shooting up aliens in Halo or sneaking around masterfully in Hitman, but instead I’m playing Mario Soccer… the only game that is seriously playable. I’ve had faith in you for many years. ¤ Let me say a few things about television. ¤ No I’m just kidding. I love television. ¤ But I am angry at iTunes. If I buy a CD off of it, or a guy gives me a copy of, say, The Format, but he bought if off iTunes, I’m screwed. None of the songs work on my cell phone’s mp3 player; yeah, I’m sorry that I don’t have an iPod, iTunes. I have a copy of the Bad Plus’ new CD, for those of you current with today’s jazz scene, but I haven’t been able to worship it because of the dang locks iTunes has slapped on there. STOP TEASING ME ITUNES! ¤ And finally, I am angry with you, Lars Roeder. You always freaking beat me in ping-pong. You’d think I’d get a courtesy victory out of my own roommate, but no… The current tally is that he’s won 21 games and I’ve only won 14. He even takes his glasses off when we play! I mean, wtf. So now you heard it. Learn from your mistakes and try not to get on my nerves next year. Anyone for the “feats of strength?”

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

Grievances cont. By Brett Emerson, Book & Music Critic brett.emerson@secondsupper.com

Not as though this is much of a stretch, but right now I’m full of grievance. All of my technologies are going down the toilet, and the ravages of working retail during the Christmas season have led me into both total exhaustion and raving lunacy. Money is low and expenses are high. Smoking is making me throw up. And gift receipts are for complete morons. But all of this is by and large temporary, things that will vanish in a month, I hope. In the meantime, I’ve written more in this year than I’ve produced in any year before. I’ve played my first rock show in four years, in a band devoted to inflicting homosexual violations upon the male cast of Saved By the Bell. We’ve done many shows since, including one next to an abandoned cat food factory, and one where I sang, semi-nude, for a garage full of Aquinas students. I live alone (finally!), and hobos sometimes sleep outside of my window. Honestly, there’s not much permanence for me to bitch about, which doesn’t mean that I don’t bitch anyway. Just not right now. So I’m going to call out Infinity instead. Only a species as dumb as ours could fuck up something as simple as this. We use terms like Unlimited, Limitless, and Infinite in describing entirety, words that are inherently contradictory. The Random House Dictionary defines the term Finite as, “having bounds or limits”. The prefix In is a negative addition to words, typically interchangable with “not”. Infinite, therefore, would mean, “not having bounds or limits”. This definition raises a question. How can this concept, as a whole, be limited this way? Does it make sense at all to use a negative connotation in desribing a notion which is all-inclusive? Is Nothing not a part of All? Aren’t boundaries and limitations pieces of this idea which transcends them? Of course, it could be answered that the term has little bearing on reality. I would agree with this. But my grievance is less concerned with metaphysics as it is with language, and language is a very strange and dangerous thing to us monkeys. Anyone who has pondered the implications and absurdities of a War on Terror might be able to tell you that. To me, our flawed terminology betrays a subtle inclination of our give with one hand, take with the other hand mentality. Apparently not even the notion of entirety is immune to our avarice. As for myself, I stick with Omni, and leave it at that. Watch what you say, people. It’s cold enough for you to see your breath.

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Õ By Katie Hansen, Intern

katie.hansen@secondsupper. com I blame you alternate side parking, Mr. Plowman, and snow, for all of my problems this year. Many nights I wanted to go out with friends for a drink (or ten) or a movie; I couldn’t because I had a green envelope on my window when I woke up in the morning.This can only mean one thing: another parking ticket. Alternate side parking, it is you I blame for my light wallet between the months of November and April. And even when I can find a spot on the correct side of the street and save myself ten dollars, I have to shovel for 45 minutes just to get out the next day. So thank you too Mr. Plowman. Nothing is worse than waking up late for class and the three feet of snow plowed around your car increases the tardiness. It’s not just alternate side parking; it is parking (or driving) in general when there is snow. Nothing is ever plowed and when it is, it’s half-assed.You have to barrel down the street, fishtailing the whole way just to get home. And face it, you’re pretty much screwed if you run into a car that’s stuck on your street… you’re stuck too if you have to slow down for the moron who doesn’t know how to drive a Wisconsin winter yet. Mr. Plowman you piss me off. Have you not ever noticed the side streets of La Crosse? Do you just think it is fun to pile snow around cars so high you can’t see the doors? Do you laugh when you see us pushing our cars through the unplowed streets? Whatever it is, stop.You irritate me almost as much as Kanye West, Britney Spears and the MTV Video Music Awards. Don’t even get me started on those. My advice to La Crosse: Plow the damn streets; MTV, just cancel the show next year if it’s going to be that bad.

By Maria Pint, Girly-Girl

maria.pint@secondsupper.com Living in La Crosse, Wisconsin, fashion trends seem to be somewhat skewed at all times. With Valley View Mall supplying almost all clothing in the area, it’s hard to stay current, but come on people! I have a problem with almost all of the fashion trends I’ve seen in the area this year but I direct most of my hate towards the skinny jean. How can I even express to you the hate I have for skinny jeans? First of all, they look good on very few people.The skinny girls wear them and they look like the Olsen Twins and the bigger girls wear them and look like Tweedle Dee and/or Tweedle Dum. Then you have to ask yourself, what shoes do you wear with them? Most people make the wrong choice of flats; sure Marissa pulled it off on the O.C. but I think it’s safe to say that Mischa Barton is a lot hotter than anyone around here. Hence she can pull them off. I guess I just don’t understand why that specific fashion trend had to make its way to La Crosse. Of all of the fads that could have made it, it just had to be the Skinny Jean. I blame Gap for this because their skinny jean commercials are just so damn catchy and they surprisingly have a Gap at Valley View. Damnit Gap, next year promote something that looks good on other people besides Mischa Barton!

ONLINE at www.apartmentconnextion.com 7

December 20, 2007

L sn et th ob e be m ry usi be cal gin !

#10 CocoRosie - The Adventures of Ghosthorse and Stillborn CocoRosie is a bizarre project by two twin sisters who had been separated for over a decade and reunited in one of the sister’s apartments in France. One sister is classically trained in harp and opera vocals. The other manipulates basic synths and toys to make music. If I had to describe them based on reference points, I’d say they were a mix of Amber Asylum, Joanna Newsum and The Muppets. Dark, mysterious, brooding, mixed with strange, elf-like carefree, mixed with colorful innocence. #9 Busdriver - Roadkillovercoat His rhyme is a furious onslaught of stream of consciousness and energetic poetics. Busdriver is known to not only rap to beats, but also melodies, which he pulls off quite naturally. The music on this album is also distinct from its genre, not just relentless bass beats, but multilayered and actually just as interesting as the rap over top of it. The relentless energy of Busdrivers rap and the fast and intriguing music keeps this album fresh and multi-genre. Its something that even non-rap fans can listen to, but staying true while simultaneously shaking the structure of the rap genre. #8 Einstürzende Neubauten - Alles Wieder Offen To put this simply, it wouldn’t be a good year for music if these guys didn’t put out a release. The album begins crescendos unto impossible levels, only to cut off leading you into the rest of the album expecting absolutely anything. Drums pounding like thunder, haunting and teasing acoustic and electric guitar, a personal army of musical objects to explore on (on track in particular uses thousands of plates smashing on the ground), always complimenting samples, and vocals themselves an instrument. #7 Explosions in the Sky - All Of A Sudden I Miss Everyone The music is reminiscent of Godspeed You Black Emperor!, but without taking 20 minutes to crescendo into an amazing aural climax. I am lost in passion, wrath, solemn, joy. The songs range from an eloquent use of piano to fevered guitar, all getting lost in a moment.This album is uncanny. Has the album even been progressing? I feel as if I’ve been listening to the same notes for forty minutes, only always different.You get so into it, its almost not even there - like not having to think in order to breath. Like many others in the Wall of Sound style, Explosions in the Sky lull you into an absolute state of comfort before overwhelming you with emotion, but always subtly.You don’t notice a change, it just is suddenly there, and feels as if it always was. #6 Dinosaur Jr. - Beyond Dinosaur Jr. is back with its original lineup for the first time in almost 20 years. J, Lou and Murph reunite for nothing short of a masterpiece. The lyrics are thoughtful and Mascis’s delivery of them is incredibly touching. Each note and chord is skillfully placed. The music takes you on an emotional journey with the band as a guide, ranging from bad ass to lonesomeness, all from people old enough to your father.There is no reason for anyone remotely a fan of rock music to not pick this one up. #5 Wolves in the Throne Room - Two Hunters I guess this is the year of sprawling, de/reconstructed black metal albums. But, like all these other metal releases, they completely transcend the genre they are awkwardly pigeon-holed into. Brilliantly constructed, this album ranges emotions from bleak heartbreaking to glorious triumph, and that is just with the music. Albums of these are why I like metal music so damn much. With such

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

unique ferocity and lust, Wolves churn out a musical mythos and history of stark imagery and engagement. Each song lives through a tale of movements and aural and emotional story telling. #4 Te - Sore Wa, Narihibiku Sekai Kara Ganjitsutekina Oto wo ‘Uta’ou to Suru Shikou Seriously, I can’t say enough great stuff about this disc. Te is probably one of the most vibrant, energetic post-rock outfits around, and in the genre, it seems that being able to actually capture that energy and emotion in studio recordings is key to the whole experience (seeing it live is a completely different story, or so I’ve heard). From the opening of the first track, you know that this is going to be one mammoth of an album, and it never loses that initial impact. This is infectiously awesome music, and it must be heard to be believed. Every bit as good as their first album, perhaps even better, and that’s rare unto itself. #3 Primordial - To The Nameless Dead There is something devastatingly beautiful and tragic about Primordial’s music, and it has been present since their very first album. As a follow up to one of the best albums of 2006, and one of my favorite albums of all time, they have absolutely blown my mind. They sing a tragic tale about the struggles and decay of the Irish people, with a mixture of Viking style metal and traditional Irish folk music. Primordial have once more outdone themselves. Excellent musicianship, heartfelt and emotional concepts delivered with passion and honesty. Themes of yearning, loss, hope and struggle. Music that stirs the soul.You cannot want for anything more.

#2 Moonsorrow - V: Havitetty These two songs create an absolutely brilliant album which never feels long or winded.This album really is an achievement in all of music, and represents a legitimate culmination of the styles from which it draws inspiration. An absolute must own for any fan of metal, Vikings, Finland or awesomeness -- if you have the endurance to survive the journey, that is. The first track has not felt like a half hour, as it builds quietly into a furious roar of multi-layered mastery.The drums thunder on in the background like Thor himself in battle with a horde of giants. The vocals tear through the scene with the fury of an entire culture lost and forgotten and replaced. #1 Burial - Untrue This is the second full release from the ever-mysterious Burial, and considering many people consider his first release to be nothing short of an epic, the fact that he has topped himself is a staggering achievement. The album starts out with a low toned glitch and dubstep track, mixed with some very well distorted vocals that haunt through out the album like ghosts. Glitches coming out of no where, making me think I’m hearing things in my room. This is a glorious mix of glitch, dub, trip-hop, ambient, house, and darkwave.This is the future of electronica.This is Massive Attack in the year 2020.

#10 Okkervil River - The Stage Names

#2 The National - Boxer

Culturally savvy like Kevin Smith and roots rockier than Ryan Adams,The Stage Names is a strange record, but it certainly holds up to repeat listens. In one song the narrator obsesses over numerically linked pop songs —”96 Tears,” “99 Luftballons,” “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” etc. — while a rumination on John Berryman’s suicide flows in and out of the Beach Boys’ “Sloop John B.” The significance of this may all be questionable, but dang if it don’t sound good!

Low, brooding and simmering under the seams, no album of 2007 sounded as quietly intense as Boxer. No album played as consistent, either, as the National stuck to its dreadful image of modern society, and, in doing so, made this year’s pitch for most the driven band in indie rock.

#9 Caribou - Andorra

It’s hard to say what was most surprising about In Rainbows: that no one knew Radiohead was even working on an album, that it was sold as a name-your-own-price download, or that it would be the group’s best release since O.K Computer. After hearing a recording that meshes newfound intimacy with the best elements of Radiohead — chilled atmospherics and pulsing guitars — none of those Web 2.0 gimmicks even seemed to matter.

You’ve got to hand it to Dan Snaith. The Ontario-born electronica songsmith released several records as Manitoba, got sued for copyright infringement, changed his name to Caribou and kept at his cool-as-Canada sound. Andorra sounds as hushed and wintry as his previous work, but his acoustic guitar and improved songcraft make it sound less “programmed” and more personal.

#1 Radiohead - In Rainbows

#8 Feist - The Reminder It was a given Feist would sound sly and sexy on her latest CD, but what’s great about The Reminder is the fractured rock album that collapses underneath the chanteuse act. Together, Fiest is portrayed with a compelling combination of bravery and vulnerability that perfectly serves her haunted voice. #7 Battles - Mirrored Prog has returned to indie rock, and it has never sounded more badass. An instrumental quartet with avant-garde and post-hardcore roots, Battles toss in computer samples and math-rock time signatures to create a modern, bouncy sound that is unlike any band in any genre. It’s scary to think that Mirrored is just the debut album. #6 The Avett Brothers, Emotionalism This is the perfect album for the sort of person who can relate to banjos, boring towns, restlessness and bad girlfriends. “For 22 years non-stop I’ve talked/Through the desert, pissed drunk, and confused I walked.” Now this is folk music! #5 Lupe Fiasco - The Cool A late release in a rather down year for hip-hop, The Cool explodes with all the passion, insight and dexterity Lupe Fiasco was supposed to bring on his 2006 debut, but didn’t. Framed as a concept album about temptations faced by a rising MC,The Cool really serves as a platform for this rising MC to righteously analyze the hip-hop life over beats as clean as the Golden Era. #4 Panda Bear - Person Pitch Any Animal Collective side-project is bound to sound strange, and Noah Lennox’s solo career as Panda Bear certainly does that. For Person Pitch he appears to have recorded steps, conversations and buzz from city scenes and mixed them into quasi-primal electronica over which he sings ‘60s pop harmonies. Unconventional, yes, but that’s what makes the warm and hopeful final product that much more dreamy. #3 Jay-Z - American Gangster If Scarface was the film that taught Jay-Z to deal drugs, then American Gangster was the movie that reminded him to rap. Recorded after watching a cut of the same-named Ridley Scott film, the impromptu disc has Jay-Z channeling his own rising hustler story, and for the first time in years, sounds energized while doing so. Toss in some ‘70s soul samples and you’ve got today’s best MC sounding fresh while looking to the past.

December 20, 2007

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

The Great Power Exchange

By Tim Bavlnka

tim.bavlnka@secondsupper.com So, I’m an atheist, but I celebrate Christmas. It is hard not to when it completely overwhelms every single crevice of American society: TV, radio, movies, stores, EVERYTHING. I swear winter was created with the purpose of spreading Christmas morphogenically throughout the world. But, I tell you one thing, yon readers, nothing kills your holiday cheer like seeing first hand the wonders of American consumerism. Is it better to give than to receive? Well, thinking like that just means people need to buy more regardless. This fuels on the shopping rage, the unconscious desire to create happiness and holiday miracles and to create a sense of superiority over those they happen to buy better gifts for. I never enjoy the holidays. With a near constant work schedule, and never being able to get more than a couple of days off, and missing any kind of family get togethers, and never having enough money to get all the presents I want to buy for all the friends I never get to see, and being too lazy and tired to make and send out cards in the mail, and not having a tree in my apartment, and never being able to wear a festive sweater, not having any lights to put up anywhere, it all becomes a very depressing time of year. Want to win the roommate game? Never mention that you will be buying anyone gifts, and then just leave them somewhere for them. That will get you off their bad side for at least a couple of weeks. Want to beat your siblings? Buy them more expensive gifts. It is all about the power exchange.There is the joy in Christmas, the subtly superiority that one amasses from giving the better and more expensive

gifts. I lost that shit two fold last year. I still can’t think of a particularly good Christmas special that I can remember on TV. Growing up, I always enjoyed the Flinstone’s Christmas Carol, but nothing else really stands out of my head. There is always the banned Ren and Stimpy episode, where Stimpy has his first fart, which is a living sentient being, and eventually marries a rotten fish corpse and lives in Ren’s nose. They don’t make cartoons like that anymore. A couple of years ago I saw a show called Olive, which was about a dog that wanted to be a reindeer, it was very cute and actually funny. Most holidays specials are just tacky bullshit decorated as something special. I can remember a couple of years where my parents yelled at me for being an asshole on Christmas. I pretty much was, but I also blame being frustrated from having to teach my mom how to work a computer or a phone or something that was invented after the ‘70s.

and then there’s the game my brothers and I all play whenever we get together that involves us beating our chests and grunting at each other over who has the biggest dick. And, by that, I’m being metaphorical. I don’t have the highest of hopes for anything this year. It’ll be nice, I’m sure. And more importantly, relaxing. Who knows, probably come Christmas day I’ll become some big blubbering baby and talk about how awesome everything is and how happy I am and etc. That seems to be the effect of holidays, and time off, lots of food, and getting presents. Too bad I’ve pretty much bought myself everything I’ve wanted recently. What I’m looking forward to the most is not having to bend over backwards to help everyone else buy their presents, all while spooning in the amount of shit I have to deal with day after day. Your gift to me this year can be to shop online.

Maria Plays Prison

By Maria Pint

maria.pint@secondsupper.com There are times in my life when I get ultimately bored — with everything. Right now, specifically, I’m watching The Bourne Ultimatum with my roommates, which is keeping me semi-entertained, but in general my life is real dull right now. I understand that finals call for immense amounts of concentration and long hours in the library but that’s so not my style. I study when I need to and right now I feel the need not to. Coming into finals week, I was so focused and vigilant on my studies too. I spent most of my days under the harsh flourescent lighting of Murphy Library and I didn’t even care. I even got some classy granola bars that had more nutritional value than Chewy bars to substitute for most of my main meals. This went on for about a week, and it was all in preparation for my calculus three final which I had yesterday afternoon. Appropriately, I haven’t done a damn thing since. This whole lying around doing nothing thing is really great, really it is, but I have a feeling this is going to come back and bite me in the ass soon. Unfortunately, I have another big final in two days. You’d think that two days is enough, right? My slacker attitude would be inclined to agree with you on that one, but logically I want to say no. Funny I should use the word logic though, because that is in fact my big final in two days; Logic and Discrete Mathematics. Ugh. I’ll tell you right now, I’ve struggled in that class so it all boils down to the final. I actually mean it. On our last exam, I really messed it up, like really. It’s easy to exaggerate on grades, but for real, I got a twenty out of fifty. For those of you who aren’t exactly mathematically inclined, that’s a really big F. Lucky for me, the rest of the class was lost too and the class average was a thirty.You would think this fact would make me feel better, but in fact it just upsets me more. It’s quite disturbing because I easily could have gotten at least the class average had I not acted like the class idiot; I got a zero out of ten on

Õ one problem alone. That one problem called for six dots with corresponding equations to be connected with a series of logically placed lines; I drew circles. One of those pointy dunce hats really should have been put on my head at that moment. You know, at the time it seemed like a really kickass idea too. Unfortunately, my professor didn’t dig my circles, and now I have to rock this final; good luck, it’s cumulative. This is potentially why I haven’t really been studying like I should be today; I know I will fail in the end. In my defense, I tried to study on two different occasions today; I failed as well at this. I got up all early and went to the library only to sit at a table for an hour, staring at a notebook without really seeing anything scribbled on the pages. Plus all of the other productive people really pissed me off, so I left no smarter than when I walked in. Then, I even got in my truck, drove to Onalaska in an effort to end up at Caribou to study but “missed” the turnoff and wound up at Target. Whoops. On the bright side, I got Christmas gifts for my roommates, so that was productive I suppose. It is important to keep my roommates happy though, since they’re the only highlight in my life right now. We’re all kind of going crazy during finals so it’s been real fun; it’s times like these when there really needs to be a reality TV film crew around us at all times. By far the most entertaining aspect of our lives is a fictional TV show we’ve been thinking up; we call it “Four Girls in Prison.” And yes, it basically is about us four roommates and what would happen if we were to go to jail. It’s probably the most brilliant idea we’ve ever had. What’s even more brilliant is that the development of the plot line is the perfect distraction when other, more important things should be getting done. Thus far we know how all of the characters get in prison; my character personally stabs someone by accident in a very public place and Whore Girl claims to do it with me because she doesn’t want me to go to prison alone. My roommate, K-Mo, booty dances someone to death and Debbie Downer, well, we think Debbie just killed someone…on purpose. We’ve have some sweet character development for Debbie Downer too. In order to not get prison shanked, she has the great idea to gouge people’s eyes out to gain respect. K-Mo just booty dances to get respect and Whore Girl and I just ride their coattails. It’s actually fairly true to life so far, without the actual prison part, and I guess the eye gouging. But I should stop, you already know too much. Writing this column has really made me feel better about myself though, I accomplished something! Yay! And I’ve decided that if I’m ever in doubt of how to do a question on my Logic final, I’ll just draw a circle. I might as well stay consistent. I can always fall back on my alternative career choice, a sitcom writer.

December 20, 2007

Free food, soda, tea, & Coffee! We invite anyone in need, unemployed, homeless, single parents, and seniors to come and celebrate with us!

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FREE toys while supplies last! Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

These are the people with luminous plastic figurines and/or giant inflatable reindeer in their front yards. Christians who closely follow their own tradition are easy to buy for because they’re more concerned with buying you something than they are with receiving something in return. The never-fail gift for devout Christians is a full-length digitally re-mastered DVD of Caligula.

Buddhists are not concerned with material wealth, which means they’re really really hard to shop for. In fact, unless you happen to possess a gift certificate redeemable for total spiritual enlightenment, you probably shouldn’t even try. What you could do is send a very nice card explaining how you’re going to singlehandedly free Tibet.

Zoroastrians are usually picky about what they get from other followers of Abraham. Your best bet is to make something yourself, such as a life-size elbow macaroni sculpture of Ahura Mazda. If you don’t want to go through the trouble, you can always order a Zoroaster Gift Basket from www.gozoro.com.

The Chosen People celebrate the Festival of Lights for eight craaaazy days and nights! That doesn’t mean you have to provide eight gifts, though—just one in addition to an itemized list explicitly showing how the one gift could be monetarily divided into eight separate gifts. To add a personal touch, try to get a receipt that shows exactly how much you saved by taking advantage of in-store specials.

One of the goals of a Hindu is to overcome duality, so the most thoughtful gift you can give is one that exists and doesn’t exist at the same time. To achieve this, tell your Hindu friend his/her gift is on layaway at Shopko.

Wiccans are like Buddhists and Kooky upsidedown Christians put together. While also concerned with a connection to nature, Wiccans also appreciate candles and figurines of dudes from movies like Interview with the Vampire. Inoperative things like dulled medieval knives / swords and astrological merchandise will strike their fancies, and oddly enough so will plush Ren & Stimpy toys purchased from thrift stores.

There is no major Islamic observance that falls within the traditionally defined “holiday season.” Don’t assume you’re off the hook though; all three Muslims living in La Crosse happen to have birthdays at the end of December. If at the last second you still can’t think of anything meaningful, just go for a Barnes & Noble gift card.

These people are actually very easy to buy gifts for. Pick one of these: A line of credit at Spencer’s Gifts, a 13” Brandon Lee doll, a pair of leather socks, a complete anthology of Ann Rice novels, a copy of The Young Ones - the Complete Series, a necklace made out of oxidized railroad spikes, hair-removal wax, a frilly FrenchVictorian shirt, with authenticlooking sweat stains, or scented candles.

You’ll have to work very hard to please a hipster this holiday season. No, you can’t buy him/her an ironic t-shirt, because chances are the shirt is not even “so lame it’s cool.” The shirt could just as easily be so lame it’s gone past cool and back to lame again. Most other apparel and accessories worn by hipsters are subject to this same kind of analysis, though it gets increasingly more complex as the items become more obscure. Your best bet is to give the ironic gift of a metal bat to the face. That’s not lame. That’s cool.

December 20, 2007

Between the magazines, the models, the perfumes and cosmetics, we’re making sure our kids learn the value of their looks.That way, when they grow up, they can continue to feed our economy with the guilt, fear, and extraordinary self conscienceness that helps give America its wonderful “patriotic” narcissism. Happy Holidays!

Magically, it will take you to the show, get you in and back home again. The trip only costs $25 and will guarantee a no-hassle music experience! For more info or to reserve your seat (they are limited to 40 people, so hurry!), e-mail Ben at: high_def54022@yahoo.com or go to our myspace page: www.myspace.com/shoelessrevolution Bus shown is not the actual bus, the real “magic bus” is all in your mind my friend...all in your mind.

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

Clothing Provided By KICK Top Right Frye Veronica Shorty Black Leather Boots $268 Top Left Frye Campus Tan Leather Boots $228 Bottom Frye Harness Black and Tan Leather $228 Photos: Kelly Morrison Model: Briana Rupel Environs: John’s Autobody & Bodega Brewpub

December 20, 2007

Before you go home for the Holidays, go CK

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Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

Õ HOLIDAY DRINKS TO GET YOU JOLLY Glühwein (German Mulled Wine) Ingredients 4 quarts dry red wine (zinfandel, merlot, burgundy, etc.) 1 pint brandy 1 cup sugar 6 cinnamon sticks 12 cloves, whole 1/8 tsp allspice 1/8 tsp mace 2 oranges, sliced 1 lemon, sliced Directions 1. Pour the wine into a large pot and begin heating over low heat. 2. As it begins to warm, add sugar and spices. Stir until sugar is dissolved. 3. Add the brandy. 4. Heat thoroughly, but do not allow to boil! 5. Add the lemon and orange. 6. Steep for about 1 hour over low heat. 7.You may add more sugar during this time if desired, stirring well so it disolves. 8. Serve hot and garnish with orange slices. A stick cinnamon could also be used.

Cranberry Hot Todies

Oscar’s Chocolate Oatmeal Stout Sand Creek Brewing Company Black River Falls, Wisconsin It’s not often that I have reason to say this, but I hope, for the Sand Creek Brewing Company’s sake, that I got an old batch of its Oscar’s Chocolate Oatmeal Stout. If not, this would is one of the most sour and off-putting beers I’ve recently sampled. It’s a disappointing drink because it pours so promising, a coalblack stout that stays opaque even when held to the light. The head is thin and disappears quickly, but before it fades it shows an inviting oatmeal color. I was hoping to settle in with a hearty and complex stout, but Oscar’s hits flat before fading to its sour malts. The taste is watery and limp, and with few hops the beer slides down the throat with little effect. Remaining is a deeply acidic flavor Ratings: that seeps into the gums. The supposed oatmeal flavors were almost nonexistent in this beer, and the attempts at bakers’ chocolate were 3 of 10 over-powering but never quite hit the spot. Most prominent was the 6 of 10 coffee, but it tasted like something brewed two days ago and left in 8.5 of 10 the refrigerator. Somehow the mouthfeel was watery but the taste 7 of 10 was grainy and the flavor was burnt. This is impressive in a strange 5 of 10 way, but this is not a beer that opens up with repeat samples. For the price, Sand Creek Brewery generally provides a decently ambitious beer that falls short of standards for its class. Perhaps that bum rap Total: got out, and the shoppers at my grocery passed on Oscar’s in favor of the many excellent chocolate oatmeal stouts that are out there. 29.5 of 50 Maybe my particular six-pack had just been hanging out in the store cooler for too long and gone bad. A fresh Wisconsin stout the color of night just deserves to taste better than this. — Adam Bissen

4 tangerines 1/2 cup whole cloves 3 quarts pure, unsweetened cranberry juice (if unavailable, use cranberry juice cocktail and omit the sugar called for) 2 cups sugar, or to taste 3 cups amber rum, if desired Cut tangerines crosswise into 1/4-inch-thick rounds and remove seeds. Stud rind of each tangerine round with 4 or 5 cloves. In a large saucepan simmer cranberry juice, tangerine rounds, and sugar, covered, 5 minutes and stir in rum. Serve toddies with clove-studded tangerine rounds in heatproof glasses.

Eggnog 3 Cups Gold Rum 1 Cup Dark Rum 2 Quarts Half & Half 1 Cup Sugar 12 Eggs 4 tsp.Vanilla Extract Nutmeg In a large mixing bowl beat the eggs until light. Add the sugar, then the half & half, rums, and vanilla. Cover and chill over night.

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December 20, 2007

Film Reviews - The Best and Worst of 2007

Five Must-Avoid Movies Five Must-See Movies By Nicholas Cabreza

nicholas.cabreza@secondsupper.com

By Nicholas Cabreza

nicholas.cabreza@secondsupper.com

LUST, CAUTION

RENDITION

I love this movie so much I could cry. This time around, it appears that Ang Lee has taken a few notes from the Wong Kar Wai school of filmmaking, drenching his version of 1940s Shanghai in a soft, blood-red hue that stains this espionage epic with both the excitement of a secret romantic rendezvous and the tension of back-stabbing in a smoky hotel room at midnight.This isn’t just a movie, this is an experience.Tang Wei should win a few awards for this movie (though she probably won’t because critics are stupid), and China’s number one introvert extraordinaire, Tony Leung, fits the antagonist role perfectly. Ang Lee’s espionage thriller is something to marvel at; excuse me while I get a tissue.

Here is a grade-A example of Hollywood celebrating its own liberalness. I tend to lean left, so you’d think I got a kick out of this movie, right? Wrong. Rendition tries to do for torture what Traffic did for drugs and Syriana did for oil, but there’s not much more to learn about torture than what the average person already knows. The U.S. gets its rocks off by torturing any suspected terrorists (even people who are in fact innocent), so no new surprises there. Why would “talents” like Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon partake in such direct-to-video quality dribble? Did they think they were making this year’s Babel, or were they just rushing to distribute whatever B-movie liberal propaganda they could slap together?

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE Movie theaters were invented for viewing films like Across the Universe. I’m not a terribly big fan of musicals, and I don’t really like the Beatles all that much, but still I was smiling for almost every second of this movie. Maybe it’s the hallucinogenic set-pieces, or perhaps the awesome performance by the beautiful Evan Rachel Wood (sigh...), but man, this movie leaves a great aftertaste in your mouth, like St. Patrick’s Day without a hangover.

FRACTURE Pretend you’re at a magic show, and the magician says, “OK everybody, you need to turn away while I perform my next trick.” Finding out the “twist” ending to Fracture is like finding out how this magician performed the trick . . . ta da!

I'M NOT THERE

SPIDER-MAN 3 Wow. Just . . . wow. Decades and decades of source material to draw from and the best they could come up with was this? Sandman is the best thing this movie has going for it, and it all but abandons him after the first act; what was the point of even putting him in here? Secondary villain Venom looks like a guy in a Halloween costume, but has no more than 15 minutes of screen time anyway, so I guess it evens itself out. This love story is more embarrassing to watch than Anakin and Padme in Star Wars Episode III, and what could have been a short conclusion to a film franchise that’s been all-peanut butter and no-jelly from the beginning, turned out to be an almost three-hour-long crapic (“crap” and “epic”). Bad things happen when superhero films cater more to five year-olds than to the aging audiences that kept them alive for decades; but hey, you gotta turn a profit somehow.

THE HEARTBREAK KID Two Words: “Shit sandwich.” (Review courtesy of R. Schryver)

The more I thought about it, the more I really, really liked this movie. You can bet that I ran out and bought a few Dylan records right after this, and I’ll be sure to buy this movie on DVD. I’m Not There is a feast, buffet, smorgasbord of cinematic delight.The performances rocked my world and the music did much of the same. This is a retreat from reality of the utmost quality, and, though esoteric at times, this film actually made me want to learn more about Bobby D. I imagine this film as a wine that gets better with age, only I’m Not There gets better with the more you know about the source of its inspiration.

INTO THE WILD I’ve been told that Into the Wild captures the essence of John Krakauer’s book with daunting precision, but since I’ve never read it, I’ll simply have to take his word for it. The film though, is the visual realization of one man’s uncompromising philosophy, one that casts aside materialism and capitalism and even the necessity of human companionship. Two things especially make this movie amazing: the cinematography and the music. Props to Eddie Vedder; props to whomever the cinematographer was; props to Christopher McCandles. In Into the Wild, nature looks beautiful, which it often is, and is as much a character in the film as McCandles (Emile Hirsch) himself. He’s a martyr of sorts, and even though the average person won’t find his philosophy very feasible, it’s nice to imagine for two and half hours.

ROMANCE AND CIGARETTES

THE DARJEELING LIMITED Here’s a better title for this movie: The Disappointment Express. Wes Anderson’s style has finally worn thin. His quirks as a filmmaker have become cliche, and his latest batch of neurotic characters goes through the motions as if they’re just doing friend Anderson a favor by appearing in this movie. Darjeeling isn’t that awful, but it’s definitely the biggest let down of the year. Safe for a rental, but nothing more.

RUNNERS-UP: GHOSTRIDER, 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, LIONS FOR LAMBS

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

This is the funniest movie I’ve seen this year. John Turturro’s musical/ comedy/romance was actually released in 2005 (film festivals only), and isn’t making the rounds to local cinemas until now. A lot of IMDB users gave this film negative reviews, but that’s because they’re either pre-pubescent teens or macho funboys who hate to be entertained. Romance and Cigarettes has to do with one of humanity’s favorite topics: sex. Working-class smoke-aholic Nick Murder (James Gandolfini) must choose between his wife (Susan Sarandon) and his seductive Irish mistress (Kate Winslet), all while navigating himself from one hilarious, raucous song and dance number to the next. Other adjectives to describe this movie: delightful, heart-warming, heart-breaking, preposterous, sexy, enchanting, and satisfying. Que bueno!

RUNNERS-UP:ATONEMENT, EASTERN PROMISES, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN,

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At some time, almost inevitably, a gentleman will be asked to give a toast, and if he is asked, he must not refuse. However, he need not attempt to give an afterdinner speech or perform a comedy routine. His tribute may be something as simple as, “Joe, I’m proud to be your friend.”

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If a toast is being made, a gentleman, even if he is a teetotaler, always raises his glass. He never toasts with an empty glass. Even a glass of water, raised in the right spirit, expresses a wish for good luck.

When you are eating ice cream, take the whole spoonful into your mouth at once. Have you ever considered how you look to those facing you when you lick the ice cream off, pulling the spoon in and out as you gradually work down towards its surface? Gentleman - Bridges, John. How to be a Gentleman. Rutledge Hill Press for Brookes Brothers. 1998 Ladies - Ames, Elinor. Book of Modern Etiquette. P.J. Collier & Sons Corporation. 1940

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The Rolling Stone Interviews

by Matt Jones Across 1 Yoga position 6 WWE wrestler John 10 Sinking sound 14 Japanese dog breed 15 Stratford-___Avon 16 Got up 17 Degraded one’s breeding partners? 20 Tournament freebie 21 Ballet bend 22 Contact, in a way 23 Ecstasy 24 Bus. conference 26 Signs simply 27 Invitation word 30 Gets stuck in a bog 32 Result of throwing French fries in the spin cycle? 37 Michael C. ___ (flatware company that provides prizes for many game shows) 38 “Hairspray” star Blonsky 39 ___ rage 41 Holy people who procrastinate? 44 Expressionless 45 Section for Hawaii or Alaska, maybe 46 Give one star to 49 Six-legged hauler 50 Website noted for Photoshop contests 52 Tool 54 “Oh, gross!” 55 ___-Hulk (Marvel superheroine) 58 Choice drink container sections? 62 ___ review 63 Apple or orange 64 Kucinich rival 65 Enveloping glow 66 Posh 67 Sidewalk sippers

lose one’s virginity 11 Seuss character, with “The” 12 Davis of “She Hate Me” 13 Lemon ___ 18 Brewpub glassful 19 “___ Letters” 23 Hall of Fame members 24 Whitish 25 “Menage” number 27 Incredulous Internet interjection 28 It comes down hard 29 Sicilian erupter 30 Jim of “Wide World of Sports” 31 Hide in the corner 33 It was once voted “America’s Most Innovative Company” by Fortune magazine

34 Abstained from 35 They’re longer than 57-down 36 Construction area 40 When the clocks shift: abbr. 42 Les ___-Unis 43 Property tested in a wind tunnel 46 1950s-80s TV actress ___ Scott 47 “Au revoir” 48 Less icy 50 Jeff of “The Lawnmower Man” 51 Exist 53 Fried side 54 Bingo call 55 “South Park” kid in a poofball hat 56 Bloody prefix 57 Time periods 59 Can.’s capital 60 Not to 61 There: Lat.

It’s easy to rag on The Rolling Stone for being a vacant pile of pop culture shit. For the most part, it is. Nonetheless, this collection of interviews lifted from the magazine shows that not everything that it has put out into the world is without value. Bringing together personalities from all aspects of the public eye, this volume offers a great insight into how these people think. Not every interview is wonderful. John Lennon comes off as a self-important prick. The interviews of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love serve little more than a before and after portrait of Cobain’s suicide. Luckily, the crap interviews are few. Johnny Carson proves an incredible subject, giving us a lucid view into his ideas of entertainment and its conflicted practitioners. Bruce Springsteen dissects his personality, and explains how his onstage life overshadowed a hollow existence beyond. Truman Capote is interviewed by Andy Warhol, and the result is a pretty harrowing account of The Rolling Stones live act ─ once Warhol actually shuts up and lets Capote speak. Bill Clinton spoke with the magazine at the end of his presidency, and gives his candid perspective on being the commanderin-chief. Most of the questions, and the responses to them, are much more relevant and honest than you’d perhaps expect. Even the bad interviews are interesting exhibits. This is a good book, and worth looking at. — Brett Emerson ©2007 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0338, that is, if you don’t have the patience to wait until next week.

Answers to “Town Wot,” Issue #97

Down 1 Rogan josh ingredient 2 “Fine, whatever” 3 Oceanic phenomenon 4 Sport-___ 5 Selection of chocolates 6 Beautiful baby 7 Olympic sword 8 Word in the Postal Creed 9 Response: abbr. 10 Standard time to

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

By Brett Emerson

2. Joe Hill - 20th Century Ghosts

Being that I haven’t read the seventeen James Patterson books that his ghost writers birthed out this year, it was slightly difficult to determine what new books I actually enjoyed this year. Valiantly, I made this list, without a single James Patterson novel to be found.

I told you that Joe Hill would be back. Though this collection of Hill’s short stories was UK released in 2005, the Americas have only received it following the success of his first novel. This book is a full blown triumph. My favorite story was “Pop Art”, a story about a trash kid who made friends with an inflatable boy. There is much more to be enjoyed her, I assure you. As I said before, Joe Hill is the new King, and the future of fiction.

brett.emerson@secondsupper.com

Dishonorable Mentions Rhonda Byrne - The Secret / Deanna Favre - Don’t Bet Against Me! So now a generation of Oprah-fueled schmucks believe that wishing money into one’s life makes it so? Didn’t Henry Ford teach you people anything? And did anybody give a shit about the horrible nature of breast cancer before the wife of the Packers’ QB had it? You should have, but according to my store’s sales reports, you didn’t. Shame, shame. 10. Scarlett Thomas - The End of Mr. Y I go by Y, to some people. So I’m morbid. Surprised? I’m working my way through this book as we speak, and so far, it’s an incredible work of philosophy and sexual intimidation. I’ll have the full review up next year, I promise. For now, it’s gold.

AND THE WINNER IS... 1. Andy Schoepp - The Martial Arts Murders FUCK YEAH!!! The Martial Arts Murders rules the school! Our local Tolstoy will tear your goddamn face off with plot twists, steamy sex, and an endless cavalcade of literary roundhouse kicks to the nuts! Michael Darts is your new messiah! Live with it. You don’t have a choice.

9. Warren Ellis - Crooked Little Vein I blame Timmy Kitty for exposing me to this monkey virus. A private dick who gets saline injected into his balls? The real US constitution lost by Tricky Dick in a whorehouse? And you wouldn’t expect me to jump at this clusterfuck? You obviously don’t have a clue, Sally. 8. Steve Martin - Born Standing Up Steve Martin isn’t just a flailing mongoloid, though I’m sure he’s gotten plenty of toilet seat for pretending such. Instead, he swerves and gives us a glorious look into the wonders of twitching in front of thousands of people. This book packs far more sensitivity than my flippant idiocy gives it credit for. 7. The Rolling Stone Interviews Ever wonder if John Lennon was a prick? Or Kurt Cobain? Or Andy Warhol? You’ve got the answer here! There’s far, far more to this book than that, of course. Fifty years of clear-eyed insights are packed into this volume, all definitely worth the dig through the realm of untouchable wanker rock. 6. Joe Hill - Heart-Shaped Box You’ll see this author again in the list, I assure you. For now, content yourself in the fact that Steve King’s spawn has crafted an amazing fable of metal, abuse, and redemption. Joe Hill will be at the vanguard of 21st century fiction. You better believe it. 5. J.K. Rowling - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I didn’t read a lick of Potter until a month after this book was released to bedlam. In the words of Boisen, I’m kind of glad I waited. As I plowed through all seven novels, I noticed that the finale became a strange shift from the earlier Encyclopedia Brown veneer into a Boston Massacre orgy. Everyone dies. Even Harry Potter. And the ginger fuck Weasleys get laid. Fuck yeah. WEASLEYS FOR LIFE!!! 4. Stephen Colbert - I Am America (and So Can You!) So I’m prejudiced! I read Ann Coulter’s sewage lick before this masterpiece! You’d toss Chuck Noblet’s salad too, if you had to put up with that man-faced monstrosity! Don’t judge me! Don’t look at me! I’m so ashamed that I read Ann Coulter. But Stephen Colbert made everything all right. Baby carrots are trying to molest me! Don’t look at me! 3. Neil Gaiman - Fragile Things

WEDNESDAY IS LADIES NIGHT! Wear a bikini and drink free! Or, for the fully clothed, buy one get one!

I suppose that I will show a strong prejudice toward short stories on this list, but I don’t regret it. I’ve had that kind of inclination this year. The amazement of the Sandman King’s newest collection will come as no surprise to fanboys and Tori Amos, although the rest of the Gutenbergianally inclined need to get on the short bus to Gaiman Island, and fast. You won’t be disappointed.

December 20, 2007

Happenings Art galleries PUMP HOUSE REGIONAL CENTER FOR THE ARTS: Open noon-5 p.m. Tuesday through Friday, and noon-4 p.m. Saturday. No admission charge, donations accepted. Features exhibits of local artists and performances. 119 King St., La Crosse 608-785-1434; www.thepumphouse. org. SATORI ARTS Unique hand crafted jewelry, Mississippi River pearls, ancient Chinese artifacts, Custom-made jewelry, original art works, and a variety of unique gifts. 201 Pearl Street La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 785-2779 UW-L ART GALLERY The gallery displays works by student, faculty, regional and nationally-known artists in all areas of art. The gallery is on the first floor of the Center for the Arts located at the corner of 16th and Pine on the UW-L campus. VISIONS OF LIGHT - Stained Glass 129 4th St S La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 793-1032 Story People www.storypeople.com 110 Winnebago St, Decorah - (563) 382-8060 HEIDER CENTER FOR THE ARTS 405 East Hamlin Street West Salem, WI 54669 608-786-1220 x 4 http://www.wsalem.k12.wi.us/Heider. html

Art Exhibits

Sports UW–L ATHLETICS Men’s Basketball: Dec. 21 UW–L vs. Loras College 7:00 Jan. 9 UW–L vs. Whitewater 7:00 VITERBO ATHLETICS Men’s Basketball: Jan. 9 Viterbo vs. Ashford University 7:30 Women’s Basketball: Dec. 29 Viterbo vs. UW–River Falls 3:00 Jan. 9 Viterbo vs. Ashford University 5:30 WWTC ATHLETICS Men’s Basketball: Jan. 9 WWTC vs. Milwaukee Tech 8:00 Women’s Basketball: Jan. 9 WWTC vs. Milwaukee Tech 6:00 WINONA ATHLETICS Men’s Basketball: Dec. 28 WSU vs. Minnesota Sate Mankato 8:30 Jan. 4 WSU vs. Southwest Minnesota State 8:00 Jan. 5 WSU vs. Wayne State 8:00 Women’s Basketball: Dec. 30 WSU vs. UN–Kearney 3:00 Jan. 4 WSU vs. Southwest Minnesota State 6:00 Jan. 5 WSU vs. Wayne State 8:00 SAINT MARYS UNIVERSITY ATHLETICS Women’s Basketball: Jan. 2 SMU vs. Coe 6:00 Jan. 7 SMU vs. Gustavus 7:30 Men’s Hockey: Jan. 5 SMU vs. Lawrence 7:05

LUTHER ATHLETICS Men’s Basketball: Jan. 5 Luther vs. Buena Vista University Date: Jan.19-Feb. 3 Where: Pump House Regional Center 4:00 for the Arts Women’s Basketball: What: Doll Invitational Exhibit Jan. 5 Luther vs. Buena Vista University 24 Doll artists will exhibit their 2:00 creations Date: Nov. 30-Dec. 31 Where: Heider Center for the Arts What: Greg Kirscher: Black and White Photography Date: Jan. 1-Jan. 31 Where: Heider Center for the Arts What: Phyllis Martino: Watercolor BLUE HERON COFFEE HOUSE Winona: Dec. 6-Dec. 31 Michelle Cochrane artwork

Theaters COMMONWEAL THEATRE www.commonwealtheatre.org/ 208 Parkway Avenue North, Lanesboro, MN 55949 800-657-7025 LA CROSSE COMMUNITY THEATRE www.lacrossecommunitytheatre.org 118 5th Ave N La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 784-9292

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

theaters cont'd PEGASUS PLAYERS 204 Hood Street La Crosse, WI 608-784-742

performance dates

Upcoming Events LA CROSSE, WI Date: Dec. 21-22 Time: 8:00 Where: Grand Hotel Ballroom, Pearl Street What: The Old School Entertainment Company’s Pearl Street Variety Show $12, tickets available at the People’s Food Co-op

Date: Jan.18-20 and Dec. 31-Feb. 2 at 7:30 pm Feb. 2 at 1:00 and 7:30 pm What: Ken Ludwig’s “Lend Me a Tenor”–a hilarious farce that will “leave you teary-eyed with laughter” Where: La Crosse Community Theatre

Date: Dec. 23 Time: 3:00 Where: Alumni Inn What: Texas Hold ‘em

Date: Dec. 20-23 and 28,29,30 at 7:30 pm and Dec. 30 at 2:00 What: “Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol”–The events of the traditional story are presented by Jacob Marley, Scrooge’s longtime partner. Where: Pegasus Players Cost: $12 for adults and $10 for senior citizens and students. Dec. 20 is Pay-what-you-can (Pegasus Players’ Christmas present to La Crosse) Call 784-7342 for reservations

Date: Dec. 26 Time: 7:00 Where: Alumni Inn What: Euchre Tournament

Date: Nov. 17-Dec. 23 What: “Inspecting Carol” by Daniel Sullivan Where: Commonweal Theatre Time: see www.commonwealtheatre.org/schedule.html for more information on times. UW–L THEATRE: Date: Feb. 29-March 1 and March 6-8 at 7:30 and March 2 and 9 at 2:00 What: Oklahoma! Where: Toland Theatre: Center for the Arts VITERBO THEATRE: Date: Jan. 31 and Feb. 1-2 What: My Name is Rachel Corrie Where: La Croix Black Box Theatre WINONA THEATRE: Date: Feb. 14-16 at 7:30 and Feb. 16 at 2:00 What: Dancescapes Where: PAC Main Theatre SMU THEATRE: Date: Feb. 28-March 1 and 3 at 7:30 and March 2 at 3:00 What: When you Comin’ Back Red Ryder? Where: Academy Theatre,Valencia Arts Center

Date: Dec. 24 Time: 6:00 Where: My Second Home What: Euchre Tournament

Date: Dec. 27 Time: 7:30 Where: Alumni Inn What: Crazy Bingo! Date: Nov. 23-Dec. 31 Time: 5:00 pm-10:00 pm daily Where: Riverside Park What: More than 2 million lights will illuminate Riverside Park in this year’s Holiday Rotary Lights display and you can visit Santa on the Mississippi River until Christmas Eve! Dec. 1-23 see the live reindeer in Santa Village! Dec 15-16 see the live nativity Dec. 18 free hay rides from the Eagle Statue in the Park Date: Dec. 31 Time: 8:00 Where: Concordia Ballroom What: Singles New Years Eve Dance! $10.00 - cash bar, hot and cold snacks and birthday cake, party favors Date: Jan. 4-6 Time: 5-9 Friday, 9-5 Saturday, 9-3 Sunday Where: La Crosse Center What: Wisconsin Sports and Military Gun Show DECORAH, IOWA Date: Nov. 29-Dec. 31 Time: 6:00 pm Where: Decorah Campground What: “Holiday Lights, Magical Nights” annual fund-raiser at the Pulpit Rock Road campground. $10 per car to drive through. WINONA, MN Date: Dec. 21, 8:00 @ Acoustic Cafe What: Music by Patchwork

Spotlight Events MILWAUKEE ART MUSEUM Open 7 days a week, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. except Thursday, open until 8 p.m. Last ticket sold at 4:45 p.m. daily (7:45 p.m. Thursday). Feature Exhibition: Martín Ramírez Now until Jan. 13, 2008 “One of the best shows of the season” The New York Times Also: Photographs from the Ends of the Earth Now unil Dec. 24 Photographs from the polar regions MADISON MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART 227 State Street Madison, WI 53703 608.257.0158 Feature Exhibition: Karl Wirsum: Winsome Works(some) and Hairy Who (and some others) Now until Jan. 6, 2008 An exhibition of the Chicago Imagists MINNEAPOLIS INSTITUE OF ARTS 2400 Third Avenue South Minneapolis, Minnesota 55404 Feature Exhibition: Georgia O’Keeffe: Circling Around Abstraction Now until Jan. 6 The exhibition features 42 works including paintings, watercolors, and sculpture FREDERICK R. WEISMAN MUSEUM University of Minnesota Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM Thursday 10:00 AM to 8:00 PM Saturday and Sunday 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM Closed Mondays and all major holidays Feature Exhibition: The Exquisite Book:The International Library by Helmut Löhr, et al. Features selections of an ongoing project of Löhr’s, featuring collaborations with internationally renowned artists. WALKER ART CENTER 1750 Hennepin Minneapolis MN 55403 Feature Exhibition: Frida Kahlo Now until Jan. 20, 2008 Approximately 50 paintings grace the walls of the Target Gallery ranging from her career’s beginning in 1926 until her death in 1954.

What to watch for....

Ă&#x2022;

Jan. 13 Bridal Expo at the La Crosse Center (11:00-4:00) Jan.19 AVP Hot Winter Nights: indoor beach volleyball tour at the La Crosse Center Prices range from $19.50 to $66.50 Jan. 20- 27 Winter REC fest- La CrosseTribune (S-M) Medallion hunt, button design contest,

adsource@exhibitorads.com p. 888.737.2812 f. 203.438.1206

skate party, figure skating show, skate pass and score contest, torchlight, ski/ hike, fireworks, adult broomball, softball, volleyball tournaments, euchre and sheepshead tournaments, 11, hockey, kids 4:40:25 Tuesday, December 2007 carnival and snow sculpture contest, ice fishing derby, scrabble tournament, youth fun night, rock and roll party and MUCH MORE!

, December 16, 2007

PM wilac_mar1216

Jan. 25-27 Shades of Blue Tattoo Show at the La Crosse Center Jan. 30 Tango Fire-Argentinaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hottest tango show

Films/Movies Dec. 21-23

online at www.marcustheatres.com on your cell at www.marcuspda.com â&#x153;&#x201C; NO PASSES â&#x153;&#x2DC; EXTRA SPECIAL ATTRACTION CRITICâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CHOICE - The Best of Art and Independent

R-RATED POLICY - ID Required and Children Under 6 Not Allowed PREVIEWS OF UPCOMING FILMS BEGIN AT ADVERTISED SHOWTIMES

SILVER FUN PACKS

10 TICKETS AND 5 COMPLIMENTALY POPCORNS ONLY $55

CINEMA 608-791-1999 Âˇ 2032 WARD AVE.

Alvin and the Chipmunks B 12:45 1:15 2:45 3:15 4:45 5:15 6:45 7:15 8:45 9:15 I Am Legend C 12:00 1:30 2:30 4:20 5:00 7:00 7:30 9:30 10:00 The Golden Compass C 12:05 2:35 5:05 7:35 9:55 Awake E 12:50 3:00 5:20 7:25 9:50 August Rush B 1:15 4:05 7:00 9:35 Enchanted B 12:15 2:25 4:55 7:20 9:35 The Mist E 1:15 4:05 7:00 9:35 Fred Claus B 1:00 4:00 7:05 9:40

â&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;) CRITICâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CHOICE _â&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;â&#x20AC;&#x201C;

No Country for Old Men E 12:30 4:00 6:45 9:40

HO-CHUNK 866-203-9827 Âˇ 135 WITTIG ROAD - TOMAH

Alvin and the Chipmunks B 5:00 I Am Legend C 1:30 4:15 The Golden Compass C 1:10 Awake E Enchanted B Hitman E Fred Claus B

1:00 7:00 7:10 4:00

1:20 3:20 5:20 7:20 1:15 4:20 6:45 4:30 1:15

3:00 9:00 9:40 7:00 9:30 9:20 9:10 9:15 6:50

Times for Sunday, December 16, 2007

December 20, 2007

COMMUNITY SERVICE [ Area LA CROSSE

Sunday

Monday

All Star Lanes

3 games for $5 starts at 8 p.m.

bucket special

Bud Night 6 - CL: $1.75 bottles $5 pitchers

4735 Mormon Coulee

Alpine Inn W5715 Bliss rd.

Alumni

620 Gillette st.

Barrel Inn 2005 West ave.

2 for 1 cans & bottles during Packer games

Beef & Etc.

1203 La Crosse st.

Big Al’s

115 S 3rd st.

Brothers 306 Pearl st.

CheapShots 318 Pearl st.

Tuesday Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Buck Night starts at 7 p.m.

Import night starts at 7 p.m.

Cosmic Bowl & Karaoke starts at 9 p.m.

Cosmic Bowl starts at 9 p.m.

Fiesta Mexicana 5200 Mormon Coulee

Fox Hollow

N3287 County OA

$1.00 softshell tacos

$5.00 BBQ ribs & fries

$5.00 all you can eat wings

1/4 barrel giveaway 8-11 $1 burgers

bucket night 6 for $9

$6.00 AUCD

3 p.m. - midnight 25 cent hot wings $1 shots of Dr.

meatball sandwich meal: $6.15 2 dogs meal: $ 5.25

Italian beef meal: $6.15 Chicago chili dog: $3.45

grilled chicken sandwich meal: $5.29 Polish sausage meal: $3.99

hamburger meal: $3.69 cheeseburger meal: $3.89

$1.25 make your own tacos, $4.75 taco salad $2.25 margaritas, $2 off large taco pizza

$2.25 burgers, $2.60 cheeseburgers, $2 off large pizza, $1 fries with any pizza

soup or salad bar FREE with entree or sandwich until 3 p.m. ($3.95 by itself)

Wristband Night

free pitcher of beer or soda with large pizza

meat or marinara spaghetti: $3.45 Italian sausage: $4.95

closed

$2.50 Blatz vs. Old Style pitchers

Thirsty Tuesday

10 cent wings (9 - CL) $1 High Life bottles $1.50 rail mixers $2 Guinness pints

7 - CL Tequila’s chips & salsa, $2 Coronas, $2.50 Mike’s, Mike-arita

7 - midnight Ladies: 2 for 1 Guys: $1.50 Coors and Kul Light bottles

7 - midnight $1 rail mixers $2 Bacardi mixers

7 - midnight $2 Malibu madness $2 pineapple upsidedown cake

10 cent wings (6-CL) $1 shot of the week, $1.50 PBR bottles, rails, Rolling Rocks, $2 Miller lite bottles

happy hour (open-9) jumbo pints (9-CL) $1 rails, domestic taps $2 calls, import/micro taps $3 top shelf mixers

7 - CL $1 domestic 12 oz $2 Stoli mixers

$6.75 shrimp dinner

$1.50 bloody marys 11 a.m. - 4 p.m

$2.50 Captain mixers $3.00 mojitos $2.00 Cherry Bombs $1.00 Bazooka Joes

$2.50 Bacardi mixers $3.00 mojitos $2.00 Cherry Bombs $1.00 Bazooka Joes

$2 Bacardi flavor mixer $2 jumbo Captain & Cokes $2.50 Jager Bombs

Topless Tuesday

Ladies Night buy one, get one free wear a bikini, drink free

Karaoke $1 shot specials

live DJ $1 shot specials

chicken & veggie fajitas for two

football night domestic beer: $1.50 Mexican beer: $2.00

chicken primavera

shrimp burrito

chili verde

Ask server for details

Build your own Bloody Mary 16oz Mug - $4.00

Homemade Pizza & PItcher of Beer $9.00

Bucket of Domestic Cans 5 for $9.00

25 Cent Wings

HAPPY HOUR 6 AM - 9 AM free wings 6 p.m. - 9 p.m.

HAPPY HOUR 5 p.m. - 10 p.m.

free baklava, ice cream or sundae with meal

$1.25 domestic taps buy one burger get one half price

HAPPY HOUR 3 PM - 6 PM

$5.99 gyro fries & soda

$2 off all pitchers

717 Rose st.

$1.50 PBR $1 shots of Dr.

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

Buy one gyro get one half price

$8.75 fish & fries $9.95 steak & cod buy one appetizer get one half price

GREEK ALL DAY appetizer half price with meal

HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 3 -7 and 9 - 11

Bloody Mary specials 10 - 2

JB’s Speakeasy

Karaoke

HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 3 - 6

$1.25 BURGERS

beer pong 6 p.m. $8.95 16 oz steak

1908 Campbell rd.

324 Jay st.

Italian beef meal: $6.15 2 Chicago dog meal: $3.45

$1 Kul Light cans

Gracie’s

The Joint

pepper & egg sandwich meal: $4.50, fish sandwich meal: $4.99, Italian sausage meal: $6.15

$4 full pint Irish Car Bomb

1904 Campbell rd.

127 Marina dr.

$5.50 $5.00 batterfried cod, all you can eat fries, beans, & garlic wings bread $4.50 domestic pitchers barrel parties at cost

HAPPY HOUR 3 PM - 8 PM

Goal Post

Huck Finn’s

3-7 happy hour

$2 Silos

16 oz top sirloin $6.75 22 oz t-bone $9.75 blue cheese stuffed sirloin $7.75 Jack Daniels sirloin tips $7

223 Pearl st.

411 3rd st.

3 games for $5 starts at 7 p.m. 6 - CL $2.50 Sparks

Coconut Joe’s Dan’s Place

food & drink specials ]

6 domestic bottles for $10

HAPPY HOUR 6 AM - 9 AM

HAPPY HOUR 3 - 6 $1.50 PBR $2 Love Stories $5 Wu Tang Teas $1 shots of the DOC!

$1.50 PBR $1 shots of Dr.

COMMUNITY SERVICE [ Area Sunday

LA CROSSE

Monday

Tuesday Wednesday

Legend’s

223 Pearl St. 223 Pearl Downtown Last. Crosse come in and ﬁnd 1/2 Price App. Ringside Phillies, $4.95 The Library $1 Offout closed ... you’ll be glad $2 Bloody’s, $2 Dom. Taps & Bottlesyou did

Loons The Joint

$1.50 PBR Products $1 Dr. Shots

1128 La Crosse st.

324 Jay St. Downtown La Crosse

Nutbush

127 Marina Drive La Crosse S Pettibone Dr. La Crosse

Schmidty’s

$9.95 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.

3119Post State rd. Goal

120 S 3rd st.

3264 George St. La Crosse

Sports Nut 801 Rose st.

$1.50 cans Hamm’s Packers’ games: bucket of & $1beer domestic 25 wings fortaps $5.00

Shooter’s

Tailgators

120 S 3rd St. Downtown La Crosse 1019 S 10th st.

Beef & Etc.

Top Shots

1203 La Crosse St. La 137 Crosse S 4th st.

Cheap Shots Yesterdays

318 Pearl St. 317 Pearl st. Downtown La Crosse

happycans hour all day $1.00 Packer games: $1.50 Hamm’s Coors Light Silver, $1

hamburger $1.25 cheeseburger $150 Pizza & pitcher

chicken ﬁlet, fries, pop: $4.75 bacon cheeseburger, chicken ﬁlet, fries, beer: $5 fries, mug of beer: $4.50 mushroom/swiss, fries, pop: drummies, fries, mug of $4.25, H A P P Y H O U R mushroom/swiss, 4 P M - fries, 8 beer: $5 beer: $4.50

HAPPY HOUR 3 - 6

$1 tacos, Ladies BUCK WED from NightHappy 2 for 1,Hour everyday burger, hot3-7 dogand 9-11 9 - CL or brat

Dr. shots, free brats

Sunday

$1.00 cans PBR $4 domestic pitchers

HAPPY $1.00 cans $2 Bacardi Busch Light

Monday

$2 Spotted Busch Light Cow & Old Bucket Style Night

Tuesday Wednesday

Speedy tacos SpeedyATaco 10 tacos & 4 sodas buy a big one and surprise will be tossed your way this weekend, but don’t be too quick to $1.50 get but a free sodareally know where that 301 Kistler delve dr. into it.Yeah,for it’s$14.99 wrapped in wax paper, do you

WINONA

$5.00 for 25 wings

HOUR AM - 12, 4 PM - 6cans PM $1.0010 cans $1.00

across an old friend sobbing in despair. Don’t waste your energy though; she’s just being a drunken bitch. Family pack: burritos on the go:

brat has been?

Sunday

$5$5Double Vodka Energy Drink double vodka energy drink $2 Shots of Goldschlager $2 shots of Goldschlager

coleslaw or side salad

ﬁsh sandwich, fries, mug of beer: $5 ﬁsh sandwich, fries, pop: $1.50 $4.75

PBR Products $1 Dr. Shots

AUCE ﬁsh fry DJ 9 - CL AUCE all day $9.99 walleye/perch/catﬁsh, mashed potatoes/fries Fish Fry coleslaw/salad

$8.95

$1.25 pints during Badgers games DJ 9 - CL $2 happy hour all day long!

12oz Prime Rib $16.95

LUNCH BUFFET $6.45

8 - CL $2 Rolling Rocks $1 shots of Dr. $1.50 rails $2 domestic beer will surface this weekend when $2.50 Polish Yourst. instinctive desire to help others you come 444 Chestnut $1.75 Bud cans

Taurus

Saturday

LUNCH SPECIALS CHANGE DAILY HAPPY HOUR 6 AM - 9 AM Fish and Fries $8.75 Beer Pong @ 6 PM Happy Hour Steak and Cod Free Wings 6 PM - 9 PM 16oz Steak $8.95 $1.50 cans 5 PM 10 PM $1.50 $1.50 cans $9.95 $1.50 cans H Acans P P Y H O U R$1.50 3 Pcans M - 6 P M $1.50 cans Miller High Life PBR Busch Light Busch Light Old Style PBR HAPPY HOUR ALL NIGHT Light HAPPY HOUR 2 PM - 7 PM Badgers’ games: AUCE Pizza & $1.25 pint taps $1 Tacos, 2 for 1 BUCK WED., Burger, 12 oz T-Bones 25 WINGS $5 Fish Fry $1 burgers wings tacos Pitcher wings p.m.cent - close Fish Fry $6.99 DJ 9 10 Tues.,$19 softshell - Cl Hot Dog,10orcent Brats $7.99 DJ 9p.m. - close $1 domestic taps $1 domestic taps $1 domestic taps 5gone $1 domestic taps $1 domestic taps

Crescent Inn Aries

cheeseburger, fries, pop: $4 cheeseburger, fries, beer: $4.25 Philly or Reuben, fries, pop: $5.75, Philly or Reuben, fries, P M$6 beer:

mixers DT Brown pints 5 for $9 Italian Beef Meal Grilled Chicken Breast Hamburger Meal 5 domestic bottles for Sandwich $1.50 PBR bottles$6.15 Fiesta Night 7 - 12 Meatball $1.75 domestic Sandwich Meal $5.29 $3.69 $10, $2 Bacardi mixers, $1.25 Lite taps all day Meal $6.15 $1.50 Dr. shots Chicago Chili Dog Polish Sausagebottles $2 tequila shots $1.50 rail vodka mixers Meal Cheeseburger Meal $1.50 rails 10 1 after- $5.25 7 p.m. $3.45 7 - 12 $2.50 margaritas 2 Dogs Meal $3.99 $3.8910 -1 2 - Cl 7- Cl 7 - Midnight 2 - Cl $1.75 rails $2.25 Pearl st. pints $2.50 pints $1.75 domestic7 - Midnight $1 Point special $2 Malibu Madness $1 Domestic 12 oz. Tequila’s Chips & Salsa Ladies Night 2-1 $2 Bacardi Mixers $1.50 PBR bottles $1 mugs Bass & Guinness bottles $2 Coronas, $2.50 Guys- $1.50 bottles Kul Lite $1 Rail Mixers $2 PineapplePBRupside $2 Stoli Mixers Mike’s, Mike-arita and coors light bottles down cake 25 ¢ HOT WINGS 2-4-1 cans & $1 Burgers, 8-11 1/4 $6 AUCD Bucket Night 3 PM - MN bottles during barrel giveaway 6 for $9 $1 Shots of Dr. Packer games MNF

Barrel Inn LA CRESCENT 2005 West Ave S La Crosse

Burger, get 2nd 1/2 Price

$2 Bloodys $2 domestic taps & Broasted bottles

223 Pearl st. Pettibone B.C.

Nutbush

Friday

KARAOKE Happy Hour 4 PM - 7 PM Bacardi $2.50 Captain ALL DAY $1.25 domestic pints Ladies Night (8-12) AUCE$2.50 $2 HAPPY HOUR $1 off all HOOP 50 DAYcent u-call-its walleye, perch,mixers catfish, mixers $2 double rails $9.99; comes w/ mashed burgers/sandwiches, Make a shot and your ALL DAY LONG!! french fries, and Wristband Night potatoes$3or Long Islands $3 double bottomless fries calls Burger/Sandwich is FREE!

$1 taps $2 single mixers/taps/ $1 rails bottles, Buy 1 Sandwich/

HAPPY HOUR 4 PM - 7 PM half price app $2 mixers, taps, bottles $1 off all burgers/ 3 p.m. - midnight with sandwich or buy one sandwich/burger sandwiches, 25 cent hot wings Teriyaki burger BBQ 12oz NY Strip get one half price bottomless fries $1 Ribs shots of Dr. 2 for 1 Burgers Tenderloin Tips Chicken $13.95 $15.95 $7.95 breakfast buffet $10.95

Ringside

Shooter’s

w/ purchase of Sandwich/Burger

25 wings: $5 bucket of beer: $12 during Packers games Bloody Mary specials 10-2 $1 off Phillies

Huck Finn’s st. 3264 George

1904 Campbell Rd. La Crosse

Thursday

Jumbo Pint Night jumbo pints9-Cl (9-CL) $2 SVEDKA $2 SVEDKA mixers $1 Rails$1& rails, Dom.domestic Taps taps Mixers & & Miller Miller Lite$2 Call & Import/Micro Taps $2 calls, import/micro taps Lite Bottles Shelf bottles $3 Top $3 topMixers shelf mixers

Legend’s

223123 Pearl St.st. 3rd Downtown La Crosse

Õ ] food & drink specials

Monday

Thursday

$1.00 cans $1 Dr. shotsLife Miller High $3 16 oz Captain Light mixers

$1.00 $1 Dr.cans shots PBR $3 16 oz Captain mixers

Meal - $6.15 $2.75 deluxe $2 Long Islands,Italian Beef Dog Bloodys ‘til Meal 7, $4.50 PBR bottles, 2 Chicago Captain mixers $3.45lite pitchers 7 - 12

$4.50 Friday Saturday Domestic Pitchers

Barrel Parties at cost $2.50 Captain $1 domestic taps $2 u-call-it $2.50 Jager $3 JagerIt’s Bombs (except shelf) been a while since top you’ve connected with your parents. Why not&invite Bombs Polish them to the parade? That way, your mom can sort through your candy stash

Libra when it’s over. She always had a good eye for needles. 3 chicken fry

gyro, chips, soda Fiesta burrito Nachos Supreme taquitos $5.99 $6.99 $5.49 You’ve lost contact recently $3.99 with your ex. Dialing him up at bar time on SaturScorpio

day would be a good idea. Really.

Tuesday Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Make an attempt to get out of your shell this weekend. Go ahead and polka; it’s Prime Rib specials, not like it’s the foxtrot or anything. HAPPY HOUR 3:15 - 6:15 Sagittarius one child eats free free pitcher of pop or all day: tenderloin tips, 2 for 1 burgers with one adult domestic beer with or poall-u-can-eat $8.95police day $5.45 shrooms, fries $1 off Bloodys & theImport While taking a romantic stroll along river’s Club edgeNight: with yourspaghetti partner all this Instead of driving home drunk from the bars, ask aﬁsh friendly officer for entree large pizza tato, salad, roll $9.95 lunch: ﬁsh sandwich & discounts on allruins the 25mood cent hot wings week, be sure to avoid River Watch volunteers. Nothing more Screwdrivers a ride. Think of how much cooler you’ll look dismounting off of4 a- horse thanwines 10: house discounts on all 50 cents off top shelf fries $5.45 micros & imports 4 - 10 Cancer than Center st. getting hit in the head with a life preserver. Capricorn climbing out of the back seat like last time. $2.50 domestic beer liquor Romantic prospects will seem promising on Saturday, when you notice a cute guy looking your way. Don’t get your hopes up too high, though. Remember, Gemini the Festmaster is married. half price appetizers, all-u-can-eat

Betty Jo Byoloski’s

HAPPY HOUR 3 PM - 8 PM You normally have no concern for dirt-poor beggars, but you’ll be more gener3 - 8: $2 High Life pitch- $1 O-Bombs/Bazooka 10 cent wings, $3 filled AUC2D - CL ous with your $5 money this 7weekend after you realize that theJoes, Second Supper ers, $3 dom. pitchers. $2 Bacardi mixers, mug ($1 tap refills, $2 Aquarius $1 to O-Bombs/ be able enjoy a fishbowl$5too. anything fish bowls, $1 shot/ $2.50 U-Call-Its, $3 rail refills) $1staff Highshould Life Bazooka Joes week, $2 Capt. mixers flavored long islands 9 p.m. - CL bottles/kamikaze shots

You normally walk with your head held $1 high, but try casting your eyes downmartinis Brothers 2 for 1 closed $2 mojitos ward for a change.You don’t want your new Pumas to be caked in vomit.

129 WLeo 3rd st.

$3 margaritas & Michelob Golden pitchers

The stars are telling you ‘tis better to give than to recei— it’s Oktoberfamily buffet 5 -8 wait, any jumbo, large, or Godfather’s fest? Sorry, wrong holiday. Receive, receive, receive, my friend. kids under 10 pay .45 medium pizza up to 5 Virgo

30 Walnut st. 25

cents per year of age

toppings: $11.99

While taking part in the festivities this weekend, remember: It’s not all about large 1 topping pizza drinking. There’s a reason for the season, and that reason is Jesus. $9.99 Pisces (get 2nd large for $5)

December 20, 2007

Entertainment Directory 12/20-1/10

La Crosse

La Crosse cont'd

Thursday, December 20

Saturday, December 22 cont’d

Starlite Lounge

Popcorn Tavern

Kies and Company

5:00 9:00

The Recovery Room Live DJ

9:00 10:00 10:00 10:00

The Casino The Beldings

10:00

Friday, December 21

6:00 9:00

Live DJ

9:00

Sterus

Wedensday, December 26 Loon’s Comedy Night

Live DJ Karaoke Karaoke

9:00

Brownie’s Open Jam

JB’s Speakeasy

The Joint

Czarbles, This Machine and

Wu-Tang Wednesday 10:00 10:00

Comedy

10:00

Live DJ The Recovery Room

The Warehouse

Live DJ

Wrecking Crew, Tez, Efftup &

Nutbush 7:00

Dan’s Place Karaoke

9:00

10:00

10:00 10:30

8:30 9:00 9:00 10:00

New Grass Revue

10:00

Popcorn Tavern 10:00

Monday, December 31 The Joint

10:00

The Smokin Bandits

10:00

Second Supper vol. 7, issue 98

Burnt Brownies

Saturday December 29 Arturo Sandoval Overture Center for Arts Madison, WI ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Conor Oberst 400 Bar Minneapolis, MN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Quietdrive, Dropping Daylight First Avenue Minneapolis, MN

Monday December 31 Run Side Down Mr. Robert’s Madison, WI ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Baghdada SCUBA review Pooley’s Madison, WI ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Devil in a Woodpile Harmony Bar Madison, WI ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bret Michaels Myth Nightclub Maplewood, MN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Moondawg The Draught Haus Winona, MN

Wednesday January 2 God Johnson, Sol Spectre Cabooze Minneapolis, MN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Moondawg Trocaderos Minneapolis, MN

Saturday January 5 Trans-Siberian Orchestra Alliant Energy Center Madison, WI ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Wisely Bryant Lake Bowl Minneapolis, MN

Sunday January 6 Sepia Tone

Dinkytowner

Minneapolis, MN

Tuesday January 8 Streetlight Manifesto Grand Buffet Varsity Theatre Minneapolis, MN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Philpot Fine Line Music Café Minneapolis, MN

Wednesday January 9 Sarah Benck and The Robbers 400 Bar Minneapolis, MN ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Deep Sea Summit, God Johnson Cabooze Minneapolis, MN

10:00

Thursday January 10

10:00

Lil’ Wayne Orpheum Theatre Madison,WI -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Popcorn Tavern

Nighthawks Tap T. Albert Lloyd Band

Live DJ

Rio Knights

JB’s Speakeasy Chuff