Why won't he call me back? by Joelle Lydon

Why won’t he call me back? The Secret to becoming so irresistible he won’t be able to help himself

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

Why won’t he just call? The secret to becoming so irresistible he won’t be able to help himself.

“When we resist exploring our beliefs about familial rela6onships, they persist in our love life.” I want to welcome you to “Why Won’t He Call Me Back? The Secret to Becoming So Irresis6ble he Won’t Be Able to Help Himself.” I’m excited to let you in on what’s really stopping a man you’ve met from calling you back. You’re smart, successful, you’re self-‐aware and you’re ready for true love. No more waiBng for him to call (especially if he might not even be the guy for you.) This guide is going to help you whether you went on a great date and were totally into the guy, or whether it sucked. Let’s face it, even if we thought he was wrong for us, we can get a liGle cranky regardless of whether he felt the same way and doesn’t ask us out again! So let’s get to it, shall we?

Here’s what you’ll get: PART I • The Situa/on.......……………………….………………………… 3 • Mistake #1 You immediately saw poten/al…........…. 5 • Mistake #2 You began to create a narra/ve..…..……. 7 • Mistake #3 You hit analysis paralysis...…………………..10 PART II • Be yourself!.............................................................. 11 • Why won’t he call me back? Summary.....…..………. 15

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

PART 1 -‐ GETTING THE BIG PICTURE The Situa@on Let me paint you a picture... You’re on a blind date. About three minutes in, you’ve already decided who he is and whether he’d be any good with you. You’ve either put him in your “Discard” basket or he’s landed smack-‐dab in your “In Box.” The moment you realize you are into him, you think, “Could he be the one I’ve been wai6ng for?” So you begin to fantasize, to create a story. You wonder if this man has the ability to keep up with you and all of the desires you have for your life. Does he have a good job? Is he just another player? Is he good son to his mother? What about ex’s -‐ is he s6ll pining away? You place him at a social event, imagining him as he interacts with your friends and meets your parents. You may even play with replacing your last name with his, just to feel how it sounds. (Don’t lie; we’ve all done it!) And you’ve only had ONE phone conversa8on.... The truth is, with the excepBon of the basics -‐ what he looks like, does and likes -‐ you don’t know much about him. If he’s a friend of a friend, they might have told you what he’s like and who he spends Bme with, which leads you to you feel like you have a preGy good sense of who he is. On your first date, with stories running amuck in your head, you suddenly feel panic. In your head, he’s got “potenBal boyfriend” wriGen all over him. I mean, he could be somebody who you really want to date long-‐term. It could even become more than that. You are just dying to know. You are enjoying the conversaBon with him. It’s going really well. But you find yourself quesBoning whether you should share certain informaBon. You feel unable to fully express everything you would like to. You begin to over-‐analyze. Is your hair right? Should you be ordering salad? Is there something stuck between your teeth? What is he thinking right now? Does he like you? Did he just look at his phone? Did you just laugh too loudly? You start to censor informaBon, afraid it might push him away or scare him off. You play it cool, even though you are a nervous wreck inside.

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

He walks you to your car. You thank him for a lovely Bme, but you’re not enBrely sure if he’s going to call you back, or text, or email you. He may have even told you that he would reach out for a second date. (You’ve heard that before. You’ve lost count of the Bmes men haven’t done what they said they would.) At home and at work you keep checking your phone to see if a text has rolled in. You check out his profile on Facebook, stalking his status updates... you find yourself in da6ng purgatory. It is the worst place to be. I can relate. I have felt it many Bmes when I was single and looking for love, too. I hear this from my clients all the Bme. That has to be the most excruciaBng part: waiBng for that darned text (or call, or email), especially when you’re into him, especially when you really liked who he was, and especially when the date had “potenBal boyfriend” wriGen ALL over it. He looked SO good on paper.... As Bme passes, a low grade anxiety takes hold as you begin to replay the enBre date, detail by detail in your mind. You dissect every liGle thing you did: “Should I have said that I like baseball, even though I don’t?” “Could he tell that I wasn’t being truthful?” “When he said that he liked women who are independent, was he implying I was desperate?” “Should I have told him I really want to get married and have kids?” “Did I come across as a woman who has it all together, or like a ditz?” The longer it takes to hear from him, the more you find yourself picking apart at your dinner date. You fill in the blanks with other informaBon, like daBng rules you may have read in Cosmopolitan while waiBng to get your teeth cleaned. “I can’t remember. Did he said he would be out of town on business, THEN he’d call me? I think he said he would be out of town. Soooo, that would mean, he’ll be gone two days, three days, tops. If that’s the case, he’ll be calling me when he gets back. Alright, I’ll add in a day so he can play it cool.” You try to get into his head while waiBng for the phantom text message or call to come through. All the while, you feel completely out of control, like he’s holding all the cards, and you’re just waiBng for him to ante up. This is SUCH a disempowering posiBon to be in! The truth is YOU have the power to shi@ this. You can change this en8re set-‐up. You don’t have to be tethered to your phone. You can call the shots objec8vely, assess if

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

he is Mr. Right for you instead of just seIling and siJng on the “Why won’t he just call?!” roller coaster. I SO hear you. I’d like to break down this story by revealing the common mistakes I see most women make in the daBng arena.

Mistake #1 -‐ You immediately saw poten@al I get that the picture I painted for you was over the top, but I’m quite certain you have been through that exact sequence of events with a man in the past, especially aZer the first or second date. The first mistake women seem to make is that, in a need to fill in the blanks, they will take the liGle informaBon they have on a man and flesh out the rest, creaBng a long-‐term potenBal that may not even exit. The moment that thought gets planted, pressure is on. This is not a sport (even though it may feel that way) where pressure and performance are the key to landing the guy. The first few dates are really about feeling excitement, creaBng an awareness to the sensaBons in your body and noBcing how being with him feels like for you. (I’ll go into more detail about this in a moment.) The moment he’s been labeled “potenBal” you no longer see the man – you see a good-‐ looking man, who has an amazing career that looks good on paper, who meets your schooling or money criteria, who seems to have his life together -‐ all of which lead to an expectaBon from you. You begin to think, “Wow, I am so impressed with him. Where will this lead?” Here’s the s6cky wicket: the moment you feel like it could be something, noBce where your aGenBon goes. Do you feel more focused on the packaging or on the actual man? Let’s check it out. Try this simple exercise:

Focused Without Think about the last date you went on that had “potenBal.” What were some of your thoughts? Did you find yourself planning? Were you thinking things like: “If I make a good impression, we’ll go out again; I’ll tell him about my child on our 4th date; I wonder if he would fit in well with my friends?” As you are planning, noBce where your eyes go, how you feel. NoBce that all of your aGenBon is placed on the outside. When you think about planning, your eyes move upward in your head, you may be aware that you aGenBon is focused on outward situaBons. You may be thinking about having to make adjustments in the way you behave, whether you have enough to say to hold his interest, whether the ouît you

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

chose to wear is too revealing. You have a constant stream of dialogue. NoBce where your mind goes.

Focused Within Now I want you to take the Bme to be present, noBce everything right now. You might sense your back against the chair, you might noBce your legs crossed, you might noBce the sounds around you. As you do this, pay aGenBon to where your eyes go: down and inward. When you do this, you might ﬁnd yourself feeling calmer. If your eyes soZen, your breath may become deeper. Your aGenBon insBncBvely draws itself inward.

Shi@ing Your AIen8on It is the inward feeling I wish you to experience on these ﬁrst dates. Do so before you lapse into the “He’s got potenBal” habit. Know that the moment he is labeled, all of that outward energy brings you straight into your mind, and the stories begin to be woven. You will develop your awareness and be able to shiZ gears with more ease the more pracBce Bme you give yourself. Once you noBce yourself invenBng scenarios, quietly draw your aGenBon back to sensaBon, back your body. Puang pressure on yourself will not serve you. In fact, it will drain the fun and excitement from the date and send you right back down the rabbit hole. When you pracBce staying present, using the sensaBons in your body as your guide, you will receive accurate informaBon and be able to assess how you feel about this man. Use all of your senses to remain grounded: slowing down your eaBng to create an awareness of all of your senses: presentaBon of your food, its taste, taking small sips of your drink to fully enjoy it, listen to the buzz of conversaBon in the room, take it all in. With prac6ce this gets easier. I realize it can feel like a challenge to remain present when you are all nervous about ensuring he like you. This acBon requires serious EmoBonal IQ. Remember, he’s in the same boat -‐ just as nervous (probably more... actually he’s under pressure that this date turn out well and that he make you happy). You might feel this creates more pressure, for others knowing this creates a sense of freedom: you can walk away without squeezing the poor guy into a boyfriend suit. Stay focused on learning about him. Assess if he is the right ﬁt rather than concerning yourself about what he might be thinking or feeling. I see women do this all the 6me. Their energy starts to go outward and their monkey mind takes over with endless chaGer: “I wonder if he likes me? I should have worn the red dress. Is he judging me for having this opinion? He probably won’t ask me out again for having it.” We have conBnuous

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

inner dialogue. It’s as if we have two different people who are at odds with one another arguing inside our head (Quite frankly if anyone could actually hear the conversaBon, we’d be put in a loony bin...) I wish you to understand that the first, second, even third dates are all about gathering informa8on. In fact, if you can see yourself as a researcher gathering data objecBvely, that’s where you need to begin. You needn’t take any further acBon unBl, within, you begin to feel more. A good affirmaBon, or “femantra” as I like to call them, might be, “I am worthy of one who desires me as much as I do him. All is well.” Here’s the dealio: many of you are was8ng 8me and emo8onal energy wai8ng on phone calls from men who are just not right for you. You haven’t been in a posiBon to get a true assessment. From this point forward, give yourself permission to let go of labels and figuring out if you’ve finally found Mr. Right at the onset. Your job from your first date onward is to gather informaBon, data, intel. Focus exclusively on geang to know him and on sharing of yourself so he may do the same. First dates are “Geang to know you” meeBngs. Nothing more. Nothing less. Let me be honest, here: you are not going to know if he is the right one a?er just one date. right or wrong for you. Did your brain just short circuit? I bet it may have. This concept is counterintuiBve for some of you, as most revoluBonary things are. But I know that aZer your first date, you’ve already got the wheels in moBon quesBoning, “Is he Mr. Right?” or not and your mind goes into overdrive. And, perhaps, this doesn’t happen on the first date, but by the third, most likely you are. The reality is this: by the third date you actually sBll don’t have enough informaBon to make a true assessment because fear and comparison come into play, which interfere with the process. So, let me say it again: You are just not going to know whether he is right for you a@er one date. Use those first few to stay grounded and gather informa8on. That is your ONLY goal!

Mistake #2 -‐ You began to create a narra@ve Rather than use the excitement you feel to weave stories that make this man out to be something he may or may not be, use it to dial up your juiciness: to feel and look amazing.

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

Know that excitement can morph into anxiety which can shiZ into obsessing -‐ all of this in a maGer of minutes. BUT, if you are self-‐aware (and you, Sister, definitely are), you can take all of that excitement and channel it to your advantage. This, my loves, is where you have the upper hand. Use that energy to pick the perfect dress for your date, get a mani-‐pedi, a massage, get to a yoga or Nia class, or cut loose and take a dance break (naked if you want!). All day leading up to the date, while you pass in front of mirrors, look at yourself with the eyes of a lover and recite femantras such as “I am so hot it would be an honor to date me” to yourself. (Bonus points if you blow yourself a kiss!) I want you to Love Yourself Up before the date, but also AFTER the date when your mind wants to play tricks on you, when you are most tempted to play the call/text waiBng game or look him up on social media.... You see, the quality of the energy you have access to while daBng and when you feel someone might have potenBal for you is really Vibrant, Incandescent, even. It feels like a high. Which is why it is SO important to ground yourself aZer. Channel your energy, excitement and the poten8al I know you may see may be there into something that feels good to YOU. When I was single, I would use the Bme aZer dates for reflecBon. I would journal about all of the ways in which the date had gone right, all of the ways in which my date had pleased me, all of the things that I enjoyed. This was just one way to track my data. I would also take dance breaks, baths, maybe even self-‐pleasure and seGle into a nice cup of tea (Roiibos, my fave) with a good book. Rather than get focused on a response from him, I made it a pracBce to focus on ME. Just as prepara8on was essen8al to the date, so was the descent. I came to love this way of “coming down.” Geang out of my head and into my body was the purpose. Here’s the thing, when you start to dial up YOUR pleasure (regardless of him) both before and aZer your dates, he will feel it, energeBcally. This pracBce will aGract him in. Even when you’re on your date, if you can stay present to the sensaBons in your body, anchored in pleasure, he will feel inspired. Because your love tank is full even before he met you... There is nothing sexier than a woman who has tapped into her incandescence and inspira8on. Let me tell you a quick story about my boyfriend and I. We’ve been together just about two years, and our journey has been a delicious and wild ride. First off, he was a friend of

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

a friend and I agreed to go on a hike (our first date) with him because I thought he was a “nice guy.” I had nothing to lose. Before our date, I asked if he minded that I bring my hairy side-‐kick. Of course not, he responded. I showed up with my dog (as you can see, she’s not a small girl.) It brings me great pleasure to watch her run about. Because I felt I had nothing to lose, I was totally myself. Our conversaBon ranged from typical geang-‐to-‐know-‐you quesBons, to nature, to business, to grieving the failing health of a parent and everything in between. I thoroughly enjoyed myself in his presence. So when, at the end of our Bme together he asked if we could get together again, of course I said yes. The enBre Bme we spent together, I was just gathering data. Nothing more, nothing less. Our second “date” was a canoe ride on a lake. Again, I was myself and, again, we had a great Bme. It was at the third date that things turned for me -‐ and I got thrown completely off kilter. He was just a nice guy. When did things shiT that I began to see poten6al? Knowing the paGern, I used every single tool at my disposal to remain grounded, to stay in my pleasure, to stay true to myself. I was fierce about remaining present each and every Bme we met. You know the rest.... We love each other even more deeply now than when we first met and each day brings promise of more inBmacy, more sexyness, more love. When I asked him why it was he was aGracted to me, he told me that he knew from the very first date I was unusual, and I was not the kind of woman who was just a “fling.” He was aGracted to the fact that I had no problem navigaBng both easy and difficult subjects and as such, there was more to me than met the eye. He felt I was intriguing and inspiring to him. But do you know which answer surprised me? He told me, it was my dog. The way she loved me, how she could be off leash and stay close by, how well behaved she was, how she followed direcBons, her playfulness. He told me her character was a reflecBon on me . That’s what did it for him. It is true. Not only did we talk about all kinds of topics, giving my honest, unadulterated viewpoint on each one (ow most people would warn you to stay away from staBng strong viewpoints on the first few dates when you’re trying to aGract, win over or have him pursue you), but my dog IS a mirror for how I show up in life.

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

I spent the majority of my life leang what other people thought about me dictate my behavior. It made for poor choices in men with disastrous endings. AZer my last long-‐ term relaBonship, I made the decision that I was done pretending to be who I was not and that from then on I would be myself. If a man didn’t like it, he wasn’t for me. When MaG told me I was intriguing and inspiring, something clicked for me. It made me realize that I was at my most powerful, most aGracBve when I was living inside my incandescence, my inspiraBon, my truth. It was in that place I could be most expressive. That’s what inspired him: that I didn’t hold back, that I expressed what I felt. You are not the only one on this date. He is also. He is looking for a connecBon, a match, as much as you are. What will help you know whether you are a match for one another is whether each of you can stay truly inspired, truly in your pleasure WITH one another. What will set you apart from all of the other women he’s gone out with, is that you are looking to leave him feeling beGer at the end of the date than when you ﬁrst met. The best way to inspire him is to feel inspired by yourself – to actually feel inspired by who you are. Because YOU, my Sister, are a catch. Know this in every ﬁbre of your being.

Mistake #3 -‐ You hit analysis paralysis StaBsBcs show that you have around 15 minutes to make an impression on a man. Men, on the other hand have an hour to make theirs on a woman. InteresBng right? We give people ample Bme and space to make an impression on us. Whereas men will not. This explains why we are the ones waiBng for the phone to ring, feeling like the ball is in a a man’s court. This is because they’ve assessed, within the ﬁrst 15 minutes whether you are one the wish to know more about -‐ or not. Expressing yourself honestly and unapologe8cally is the secret sauce that will keep him coming back for more of what you have to oﬀer. It is the secret to him calling you back. It is the secret to him, conBnuing to ask you on a second, third, or fourth date, should he be the right man for you. It’s a secret sauce because when you are in your fullest expression – when you’re telling him how you feel about issues, when you’re opinionated, when you share with him the things that you LOVE to do with passion and excitement, or how you feel devoted to your child –whatever it is-‐ he’s geang to assess if he can be a match for you. He’s collecBng

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

data from you and deciding, “Can I be the kind of man she needs? Can I be the person who really enhances this woman’s life? Is she the right person for me?” And, the most important quesBon of all to a man: “Can I make her happy?” I want you to stop asking these kinds of quesBons and to begin to just feel him out. “How do I feel when I’m around him? How is making me feel in this moment?” By asking yourself these “feeling” type of quesBons, you tap into your feminine nature (geang heady is much more masculine.) While on your date, sit back in your chair, sense yourself siang and take in what it feels like to be with this man. Do you get a good feeling? What does it feel like? Can you describe it? It is from that place you need to express yourself to him, your thoughts, your viewpoints. When you give yourself permission to show up that way, he’ll get an accurate reading on you. You’ll make a clear impression and within 15 minutes he can get a sense of who you are. You being you will be the determining factor on whether he will call you or not. I’m breaking this down for you so you can understand and not take a lack of response personally. If you begin to see this man as one you want to know more, you know how to ground yourself, regain your fooBng, be in a place of empowerment so that you may express yourself from that vantage point. If he doesn’t call back, he opted out. On some level the answer to the quesBons he was asking himself was “no.” You want to be with a man whose answers are “yes” to every delicious part of you. So move on. Know that if he could not hold the totality of who you are, he is NOT the right man for you. And trust that the one who is, is waiBng for just a woman as you.

Be yourself When I say, “be yourself,” I’m asking you to not hold back from expressing your true nature. There are many reasons why you choose to not fully be yourself on the ﬁrst few dates. Reasons you may not even be aware of. But being yourself is crucial determining that you are right for one another. Some of the reasons you may not be able to be yourself might be that, unconsciously, you might be puang him up on a pedestal thinking he is such a good catch, or that you feel

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

the Bck-‐tock of your biological clock, or, perhaps, you are the only single one leZ in your group of girlfriends... All of these things create stress and pressure on you. We’re going to do an archeological dig. I am going to invite you to examine some beliefs around being fully expressed that may have familial roots so that you can loosen them up and begin to release them. Get yourself a pen and paper. Let’s do some digging, shall we?

PART II -‐ Digging Down to the Roots How did you see your Mother expressing herself? I’ll give you an example from my experience... My mother bore two, very dis6nct faces. With my father, my mother was contrite. She ensured that his meal was on the table, that the house was in order, that the children were behaved. I never heard them ﬁght, but there was always an underlying tension between them. She made herself small around him. I honestly believe she thought that, compared to my Oxford graduate father, having just a high school degree, she just was not smart. My mother’s expression came through food and through being an amazing hostess to my father’s diplomaBc friends. And yet I there was this other part of her that came out aZer on long car drives or aZer a few drinks or when she was feeling spry: the singer, the dancer and arBst in her. Her true expression came through when she was the least concerned about making impressions. The other face of my mother’s expression was rage, which she unleashed on her children regularly. It was this face I most feared, because it mean geang hit. How did you see your mother expressing herself?

How did you see your Father expressing himself? My father was very stoic (unBl he’d had a few drinks.) He expected that, because he worked hard, everything regarding the family would be taken care of by my mother. His view was that children were to be seen but not heard, so our opinion had no value. He was never wrong. When with friends, he was the life of the party, the perfect host, ensuring every one’s needs were aGended to, that we, as a family were making a good impression and that guests were having a good Bme. If one spoke of poliBcs, religion and government, one had his aGenBon and he was fully engaged in the conversaBon.

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

My mother’s more “bohemian” ways were a good fit for his work-‐related agenda, adding to everyone’s good Bme, drawing guests around the piano for sing-‐alongs. My father had liGle room for emoBonal displays of affecBon. (In fact there is a picture I have of him kissing my mother on the morning he was to spend one month in Kenya, away from our family. His expression Bght, strained.) And he turned a blind eye to the “disciplining” my mother inflicted upon her children. That’s how I saw him expressing himself. How did yours? Write it down.

What is your expression style: more like Mom or Dad? You may resist this quesBon of choice, but I will force the issue. The truth is we’re espouse qualiBes from both parents, but there’s a good chance you are more like one than the other. Me? For the majority of my life, I idenBﬁed myself more with my Mother regarding her expression style-‐ quiet, contrite, and not “book” smart part. I carried that expression for the majority of my life. Although someBmes, I am like my father. It changes day to day, as you may ﬁnd the same to be true for you. Whatever the answer, commit to it and write it down.

What do you dislike about that par@cular parent’s way of expressing themselves? My mother hid her light behind domesBc chores, took a back seat to my father’s intellect and she was someBmes inappropriately flirtaBous with men in front of my father. She kept her rage for her children. I believe Carl Jung when he said, “What you resist, persists.” I didn’t like that she felt the need to unleash her anger on us, or that when we “embarrassed her” (as children oZen do when they are acBng like children) she saw it as a personal reflecBon on her and another excuse to put us back into place. I was terrified of her anger and resisted expressing it as an adult -‐ certainly not with my own son. This lead to issues in my choice of men and in parenBng my son (who saw me as “weaker” than his bullying father). It was not unBl I recognized I was resisBng feeling and expressing the full range of my emoBons in a healthy way, that I saw how I was short changing my ability to be a good mother or to have clear boundaries with men. Inadvertently I was repeaBng the paGerns I had experienced from my own mother, when I set off to not be like her in any way, shape or form. Except, I chose to express the parts of me that were “safe” and not the “anger” which felt scary.

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

I am stressing this because it is incredibly important: what you are resisBng in the way your parents expressed themselves, persists in you -‐ knowingly or not.

So? What now? It’s Bme to get a new perspecBve. ShiZing this is moving into a place of love, compassion, acceptance and approval of who they are and who you have become as a result of being their child. Having a greater understanding of the reasons why your parents expressed themselves in the way they do and how it has served them, allows you to let go of your own resistance. As for my mother? When I began to dig deeper, I realized that she had used the tools that were modeled for her as a child, that she felt voiceless, stupid and unloved in her marriage, trapped by her lack of educaBon and her role as housewife. Lashing at us was a way of gaining control, of feeling superior, of expressing her personal discontent -‐ albeit in unhealthy ways. When I was able to see how the life she had chosen with my father made it diﬃcult for her to have full expression (although she discovered much more later in life), I began to understand and a part of me soZened. I felt more compassion and had a new perspecBve. When you are able to do this, resistance no longer makes sense and expression becomes much easier. I have a history marked by a failed abusive marriage of 12 years and long term blended family relaBonship. In neither of those did I stand a chance of being what I so desired, because I, myself, had not cleaned up my side of the street. I was sBll resisBng my full expression, toleraBng and censoring my nature, not showing up truthfully, honestly, and unapologeBcally -‐ despite wanBng nothing more than just that. Any level of inBmacy I was craving could not be had, because I, on an unconscious level, didn’t realize I needed to take ownership of the part I played. You can see how all of this wiggles it’s way into your relaBonships and why, perhaps, you may not be geang called back.... Do you see how each piece is actually connected to the other?

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

In order to have him call you and be interested in geTng to know you more, you need to be fully expressed -‐ and add a pinch of vulnerability to the mix. What that means is actually saying what you mean on your dates. For example, telling a man that you have diﬃculty connecBng via text, that feels vulnerable. Adding that you prefer to have a phone conversaBon because you’d like to hear his voice.” That’s fully expressed. So, to ensure you get the equaBon right:

pinch of vulnerability + full expression = amazing connec8on It might come out like this: “Listen, Mike, it’s hard for me to connect via text. Could we connect on the phone? I would be so nice to hear your voice.” Remember the 15 minute rule: that’s all the Bme you get to make an impression. All the Bme he needs to decide whether he wants to be a part of your life. And you, clarity on whether he is going to show up for you or not. So now you know, you now longer need to take things personally, no longer need to wait by the phone invenBng scenarios. You can let go, no harm done, understanding that if he didn’t call, there was something that just didn’t resonate. And that’s okay. (It’s actually a great ﬁltering out system...)

You deserve a man who has the capacity to embrace the TOTALITY of who you are, fully expressed.

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

Why won’t he call me back? Summary First of all, I want you to release your pressure valve: don’t label the man you’ve gone out on a date with as “potenBal.” And remember your femantra: “I am worthy of one who desires me as much as I do him. All is well.” ConBnue to repeat it. This takes discipline and pracBce. Know you won’t get it right every Bme, but it will definitely get easier as Bme goes along. Channel your excitement into yourself: Turn your Inner Love Light On. Fluff yourself: choose the most exquisite dress, jewelry, perfume. Schedule a mani-‐pedi, a massage, a yoga or Nia class, grounding baths with lavender salts, dance break.... He will feel your pleasure and that will make you more aGracBve to him. Express yourself fully. He will be inspired to call you if he is your Mr. Right. You, Sister, are holding the cards. You get to choose the men to be in relaBonship that will embrace everything about you -‐ whose bandwidth is wide enough. Remember, when you sell yourself short it will send you directly to phone call waiBng hell. Let go of the need for a second chance, to the idea that you didn’t say everything you wanted to. You get 15 minutes to lay it on the line. The more that you show up fully expressed, the more you can let it go of the “idea” that he was “the one.” If you said everything you needed to and he didn’t call, he is just not going to do. You are smart, you are successful, you are self-‐aware. You are worthy of so much more. Keep moving forward. I’ve shared just one way in which you can begin to express yourself in this book. There are many more layers to being able to do so. If there were one simple soluBon, you wouldn’t be reading this, right? You might not even consciously know what you don’t know yet.... Know that there are several unconscious roadblocks in the way that prevent you from being yourself with another. We’re going to pull that out of you so that you can finally release it altogether. What I shared with you today is a just one piece of the puzzle around why he isn’t calling you. But, there are several pieces sBll missing: there is so much more to being yourself, to shiZing your perspecBve, to turning your Love Light On. We all have roadblocks when it comes to love. Full expression is what is stopping you from shi?ing from being single into a relaIonship that you really, truly Desire.

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress

One ﬁnal note: The world is ﬁlled with amazing men wai8ng just for you. There is no need to seGle or lower your expectaBons. Showing up as the beauBfully, divine creature that you are, fully expressed, will aGract the kind of man who has the capacity and desire to be with you wholly.

So here’s what I want you to do next: 1) Send me your burning quesBon! What can I help you with? E-‐mail me directly at joelle@joellelydon.com. I write (almost) weekly posts and I would love to have the opportunity to answer you so all women may beneﬁt. 2) Sign up for my “Love Notes” on hGp://JoelleLydon.com so you may conBnue to learn to ﬁne tune your relaBonships with men -‐ sent right to your Inbox! 3) Check out my freebies on hGp://joellelydon.com/joelle/freebies/ There are lots of resources in there including the following videos: “Geang more out of your relaBonship by Daring to Love Greatly,” and “The Six Guideposts to RelaBonship Success.” I am in deep graBtude for your desire for more with a man. You are so incredibly worthy of everything you put your mind and heart to, and I can’t wait to hear where the journey takes you next! In love, service and pleasure,

Joëlle Lydon, MA, CPC • h2p://JoelleLydon.com • The Rela<onship Alchemistress