SUPPLEMENT OF THE YEAR 17 JANUARY 2010
COULD YOU BE OUR £30,000 CLARINS ANGEL? HOW TODIET LIKE A MAN And lose weight the easy way! ‘OUR PERFECT MARRIAGE IS ASHAM’ Real couples confess their shameful secrets RULESOF MUM 10 steps to a stress-free family
Shakira
SHAKING UP THE POP STAR STEREOTYPE WITH LIZ JONES
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Contents 17.01.10 you.co.uk
FASHION AND BEAUTY 6 8 10 15 17 21
Fashion forward Bring out the girlie in you with spring/summer’s frothy and feminine trends Mimi Spencer gets in a spin with shopping on the web; plus, anyone for tea and luxury? The raining champion Our pick of the must-have spring trenches are enough to whet your appetite Style notes Get a hole new look with perforated pieces Beauty news The feeling’s neutral, so give winter skin a boost with hot-off-the-shelf flesh tones Make-up masterclass Jemma Kidd sets her sights on green eyes
FEATURES 22
34 41 42 48 54
Shakira: shaking up the pop-star stereotype She may be known as the hip-swivelling Latino singer, but that’s not what really puts the fire in her belly, as she tells Liz Jones Sauce, sorcery and a magical voice From magician’s assistant to cabaret star, all-round showgirl Paloma Faith boasts a host of talents. Now she has cast her spell on the pop world In a taxi with…North London rappers N-Dubz ‘I always felt different to the other girls’ Liz Jones searches out her old school friends on a journey of self-discovery ‘If I met Betty, I’d say, “Leave your husband!”’ Mad Men actress January Jones would rather burn bras than be like her prim-and-proper 60s alter ego Could you be our £30,000 Clarins angel? YOU has joined forces once again with the cosmetics brand to find the Most Dynamisante Woman of the Year. Prepare to be inspired by 2009’s runner-up
HEALTH AND RELATIONSHIPS 28
38 52 75 81
‘Our perfect marriage is a sham’ It’s not just Tiger Woods whose relationship is not what it seemed… Five real-life couples reveal all How to diet like a man From audio books to fromage frais, our top trimmed-down male celebs show us how it’s done Rules of mum Turn your children – and yourself – into angels with just ten practical strategies for a stress-free family life Health notes by Sarah Stacey Your problems answered by Zelda West-Meads
LIVING 60
Mind your manors Bring a touch of Miss Chatelaine opulence to your home
FOOD 66
How easy is that? Dishes that are high in flavour and low in effort
REGULARS 5 19 76 78 79 80 82
This life by Karen Swan Things you don’t know about…sniffer dogs YOU Gallery Body talk Bono ties the knot with Wyclef YOU crossword Horoscopes by Sally Brompton Liz Jones’s diary Editor SUE PEART Deputy Editor CATHERINE FENTON Art Director JOHAN GÅFVELS Picture Director EVE GEORGE Assistant Editor (features) ROSALIND LOWE Chief Sub Editor CATHERINE SHEARGOLD
Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS. Main switchboard: 020 7938 6000 you.co.uk
COVER: SHAKIRA photographed by ART AND COMMERCE. THIS PAGE: PALOMA FAITH photographed by DIANA GOMEZ. DRESS, Bernard Chandran. TIGHTS, Wolford. SHOES, Louis Vuitton. For styling credits, see page 36
Meet pop’s new pash The mesmerically multi-talented Paloma Faith gives it her all, page 34
THIS LIFE he day my five-year-old son walked into the kitchen, arms stretched up to the heavens, and shouted gleefully, ‘I’m so happy, I’m debt-free!’ was the day the scales fell from my eyes as to the true power of advertising. Of course, his happiness soared even higher than his pristine credit rating when he saw how we roared with laughter at his comments, and since then it has become something of a party trick, wheeled out for unsuspecting house guests along with the jumping spider and whoopee cushion. It raises a laugh every time because slogans, like any maxim, are only powerful – and hilarious – when they’re true. A survey conducted a year ago showed that 80 per cent of Britons use advertising slogans in their everyday speech, the most common one being the Guinness ad, ‘Good things come to those who wait’ (although some of you will know it as a proverb). But to my mind, slogans are for amateurs – and five-year-olds. I don’t quote Guinness, I don’t drink Guinness, but the iconic image of a glass of the stuff is an allegory for my life – whether it’s half empty or half full, it’s always black and white. No exceptions. The only grey things in my life are my children’s school uniforms and the Farrow & Ball colour Elephant’s Breath, which I used to paint my kitchen and probably, in truth, chose more for the comedic name than the elegant hue. My husband despairs, of course. He’s wonderfully liberal and diplomatic, a born negotiator, and therefore a complete nightmare to argue with – navigating his way skilfully around the grey areas in our discussions while I stamp my feet and stick stubbornly to my entrenched views. But even if I can’t beat him in debate, I still think living in black and white has its advantages. I rarely hesitate, for a start. The times I fail are when I question my instincts or don’t have the courage of my convictions. In fact, all the biggest decisions in my life have been made on a sixpence. I immediately knew, when I met my husband for the first time, that we would marry; he – being grey – didn’t share this instinct. After 18 months, when he hadn’t declared his love, I told him it was over and started planning a new life in New York. The next day he rang, full of remorse and, thankfully now, love, knowing that I – being black and white – was deadly serious about going. A year later I married him wearing a dress I had found within 30 minutes of looking (the best piece of wedding advice I was given was ‘know when to stop’ – a mantra every bride should live by). Our first son was born
KAREN SWAN
DOMENICO PUGLIESE *TO ORDER A COPY FOR £6.49 WITH FREE P&P, CONTACT THE YOU BOOKSHOP ON 0845 155 0711, YOU-BOOKSHOP.CO.UK
T
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
Karen’s husband Anders and five year-old son Wi ll
nine months after we watched the twin towers fall, and I realised with sudden clarity that life is about family, not career. And when we decided to leave our close web of friends in London for the space and solitude of the country, I did it while eight months pregnant and with my eldest about to start school, as casually as Dick Whittington setting off with a pole and spotted hanky. As for my new career – from fashion editor to author – well, what could be more black and white than that? Filling white pages with the black words that spill from my head had been a long-held dream that having three children in four years did little to nurture. But slowly, stubbornly, in between the fluctuations of pregnancy and moving house, the chapters began to stack up, the characters to fix, the plot to build. There were droughts of up to nine months when I didn’t have the time or energy to even open the file and it stayed lodged in my mind like a bothersome itch that I just couldn’t scratch. In the end, it wasn’t ambition or work ethic that got me to my 140,000 word count, but pride. I couldn’t bear to conform to the cliché of starting, and never finishing, a book. Failure wouldn’t have been not getting a publishing contract; it would have been not finishing the tale I had set out to tell. So I’ll always maintain that living life in black and white is useful for getting things done, for living life hard and to the full. But if I had to put a slogan to my life philosophy, it would be the one that came sixth on the list and that most of us know from another campaign: just do it. Karen’s novel Players is published by Pan, £6.99*
I think living in black and white has its advantages. In fact, all the biggest decisions in my life have been made on a sixpence
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FASHION FORWARD
ACCESSORIES
MARC JACOBS
LOUIS VUITTON
CHANEL
BETTY JACKSON
MARC BY MARC JACOBS
KATIE LESTER
OUR
choıce CLOGS, £260, Kurt Geiger, tel: 0845 257 2571
CLOGS ● MIDI-HEELS ● BUM BAGS ● SATCHELS ● PERSPEX ● ANKLE SOCKS
OUR
GIVENCHY
VALENTINO
MARC JACOBS
CHLOE
PREEN
ALEXANDER WANG
SPORTMAX
DKNY
OUR
choıce JUMPER, £79, Reiss, tel: 020 7473 9630
TRACKSUIT BOTTOMS ● SHORTS ● CARGO PANTS ● BOLD COLOURS ● JUMPSUITS
GORUNWAY.COM. STILL LIFES: TOBI JENKINS
SPORTS LUXE
6
CHANEL
BURBERRY
RUFFLES ● PLEATS ● CHIFFON LAYERS ● KNOTS ● DRAPING ● CROCHET ● LACE
DIANE VON FURSTENBERG
LOUIS VUITTON
TEXTURE
DRESS, £150, Whistles, tel: 0845 899 1222 (in store end of March)
MARC BY MARC JACOBS
DOLCE & GABBANA
choıce
GIRLIE POWER:20 YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
LOUISE GOLDIN
STELLA McCARTNEY
ROKSANDA ILINCIC
JONATHAN SAUNDERS
CUFFS, £15 each, Wallis, tel: 01277 844120
CHRISTOPHER KANE
choıce
VERSACE
JOHN ROCHA
OUR
PASTELS AND NEUTRALS ● CANDY PINK ● SHERBET YELLOW ● CORAL ● POWDER BLUE
COLOUR
STELLA McCARTNEY
DOLCE & GABBANA
GUCCI
MARC BY MARC JACOBS
MARY KATRANTZOU
PRADA
DRESS, £150, Karen Millen, tel: 0870 160 1830
ALEXANDER McQUEEN
OUR
choıce
ABSTRACT ● KALEIDOSCOPIC ● FLORAL ● TRIBAL ● CLASHING Selected items are available to buy online at you.co.uk
OUR
UNDERWEAR
MARC JACOBS
MIU MIU
ANTONIO BERARDI
AS OUTERWEAR ● CORSET DETAILING ● SHEER PANELLING ● BIG PANTS ● CONICAL BRAS
10 STYLE YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
DOLCE & GABBANA
JASPER CONRAN
MARC JACOBS
BRA, £24, and BRIEFS, £12, both Urban Outfitters, urbanoutfitters.co.uk
SOPHIA KOKOSALAKI
choıce
It may be grey outside, but lighten up: the foil to last season’s dark shades and hard edges is a return to all things frothy and feminine. Here’s our round-up of the hottest spring trends — available already at a high street near you 7
HOW NOW
FASHION FOR LIFE MIMI SPENCER
CLICK ON TO THE ONLINE CLIQUE well remember, and not so long ago, the clucking that went on about how useless the internet would be for buying clothes. We writers sucked our teeth and thought that punters would miss feeling the fabrics, pulling up the zips, seeing if the neckline revealed too much cleavage. Back in the days of web 1.0, the flat offer from a computer screen did little to compete with the hands-on, lust-filled experience of a real shop. But these days – in our convenient Asos, Net-A-Porter, Vente-Privee world – an online spree is equipped with touchy-feely add-ons. You can zoom in on a fabric, see an image in the right size and colour, scrutinise it. Like everyone else, I found myself shopping between bites of toast at breakfast – one eye on the paper, one eye on that fabulous dress just in at Net-A-Porter. It’s all very democratic, very easy. But that is itself an issue. It’s too darn easy to tap your debit-card number into those boxes, all too easy to find yourself 200 quid down. Thanks to the deepening penetration of broadband across the land, internet sales are thought to now make up between ten and 15 per cent of retail purchases in Britain. Asos sales are 33 per cent up; online sales at John Lewis are growing at 30 per cent a year. Such exponential growth has changed the nature of shopping – away from a social, rather friendly act and towards something infinitely more solitary. As a result, shopping loses a chunk of its personality. It’s just not thrilling to know that our latest purchase has been hauled from a
ALL EYES ON TIFFANY Sunglasses have become a year-round must-have accessory. Bring on the winter rays, we say, so we can wear this divine pair by Tiffany. The jeweller’s chic two-tone frame comes with interchangeable charms including a diamanté flower and a
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TRENCH, BURBERRY, FROM NET-A-PORTER.COM
SUNGLASSES WITH CHARM, £235; ADDITIONAL CHARMS, £30 each, Tiffany, from David Clulow, tel: 0844 264 0870
R CAKE HAVE YOU luxury …and eat it in
DRESS, LANVIN, FROM NET-A-PORTER.COM
stacking system in a colossal distribution centre near Milton Keynes. I have come to miss the happenstance, unexpected nature of buying fashion in shops: the gorgeous handbag glimpsed across the shop floor, the chance meeting with Marcie lurking behind a rail of angora roll-necks, the cup of coffee which propels you through a few more boutiques. Trying on a new dress at home, fresh from its Parcelforce wrapping, doesn’t quite have such charm. It also requires that you know your size, from the length of your fibula to the girth of your girth. All too often, the anticipated item arrives looking peevish and tired and in need of a stiff brandy. Get it on and it does what 80 per cent of clothes would do in a real-live shop cubicle: it says, ‘Nah. Don’t buy me. I don’t love you, I’ll never love you. Sling me back on the rail and move along.’ Marcie and I have taken to fortnightly trips to Selfridges. It may be old-fashioned, but that’s just the way we like it. E-mail Mimi at mimi@you.co.uk SHOES, £110, ASOS.COM
GORUNWAY.COM. HOW NOW WORDS: KATIE LESTER
I shopped at breakfast – one eye on the paper, one eye on that fabulous dress at Net-A-Porter
sterling silver blue heart.
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It’s darling CHARM BOOK (necklace and 12 charms), £80, Oasis, tel: 01865 881986, oasis-stores.com YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
FASHION CAROLINE BAKER
THE
RAINING
The trench coat is back, but not just for downpours — it’s the new season’s Styling KATIE LESTER Photographs FRANCOIS XAVIER
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YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
OPPOSITE PAGE COTTON TRENCH, £2,200, sizes 6-16, Aquascutum London. SILK DRESS (just seen), £600, sizes 6-12, Emilio de la Morena, from Matches. BELT, £80, sizes s-l, Jaeger
THIS PAGE WOOL TRENCH, £690, sizes 6-16, Nicole Farhi. SILK AND COTTON CARDIGAN, £1,440, sizes 8-14, Clare Tough, from Browns. COTTON T-SHIRT (just seen), £146, sizes s-l, Graham & Spencer. SOCKS, £13.21, sizes 4-8, Jonathan Aston, from mytights.com ➤ For stockists, see page 13
CHAMPION must-have piece, to belt up or shrug on any time, any place, any weather YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
OPPOSITE PAGE SILK/COTTON TRENCH, £1,895, sizes 6-16, Aquascutum. VISCOSE JUMPER (over shoulders), £39, sizes 8-16, Brora. LUREX-MIX CARDIGAN, £430, sizes 6-16, Missoni. SOCKS, £13.21, sizes 4-8, Jonathan Aston, from mytights.com. SHOES, £395, sizes 35-41, Yves Saint Laurent Cruise
THIS PAGE LINEN TRENCH, £299, and LINEN SHIRT, £99, both sizes 8-18, Heritage & Artisan by Hobbs. SOCKS, £10, NW3 by Hobbs Fashion assistant: SINEAD O’CONNELL Hair: AUDREY LAMBERT at audreylambert.fr Make-up: LIZ MICHAEL using Le Métier de Beauté Model: BEX FLEETWOOD at Premier
STOCKISTS AQUASCUTUM, tel: 0800 282922, aquascutum.com BRORA, tel: 0845 659 9944, brora.co.uk BROWNS, tel: 020 7514 0016, brownsfashion.com GRAHAM & SPENCER, tel: 020 7580 8644, grahamandspencer.com HOBBS, tel: 0845 313 3130, hobbs.co.uk JAEGER, tel: 0845 051 0063, jaeger.co.uk MATCHES, tel: 020 7221 2334, matchesfashion.com MISSONI, tel: 020 7823 1910, missoni.com NICOLE FARHI, tel: 020 7499 8368, nicolefarhi.com YVES SAINT LAURENT, tel: 020 7493 1800, ysl.com All prices were correct at the time of going to press
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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STYLE NOTES BETTINA VETTER
BAG, £1,150, Jimmy Choo, tel: 020 7823 1051
Sportswearinspired fabrics are big news for spring 2010
SHOES, £18, Matalan, tel: 0845 330 3330
TOP, £75, Whistles, tel: 0845 899 1222
TROUSERS, £25, Oasis, tel: 01865 881986 SKIRT, £590, Barlow, from Charli, tel: 020 8440 1321
SUNGLASSES, £250, Cutler & Gross, from net-a-porter.com
VEST, £230, Gérard Darel, tel: 020 7487 5418
Selected items are available to buy online at you.co.uk
SHOES, £250, Kurt Geiger, tel: 0845 257 2571
LOVE
MARC JACOBS
ALEXANDRA BURKE
A hole lot to
From mesh fabrics to latticework leather, perforations are perfectly now
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
GORUNWAY.COM, XPOSUREPHOTOS.COM. STILL LIFES: TOBI JENKINS
JACKET, £990, ALC, from Joseph, tel: 020 7243 9920
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BEAUTY NEWS SARAH BARCLAY
The very beautiful Lancôme spring 2010 make-up collection is essentially quite neutral (with plenty of coral and beige) yet is punctuated with some fabulous glittery interludes to give it a bit of oomph. My favourites include the Le Vernis Nail Colour (right), £14, and the lip gloss Colour Fever Gloss (below), £17, both in BB Sand. Available nationwide
Formulated to reduce shine and add a little colour to young skin, Scarlett & Crimson’s Smooth Minerals Set, £12, is a collection of mineral make-up created for teenagers by cosmetics queens Ruby and Millie (whose own brand has been popular for years). It includes the Finishing Powder (pictured), a blusher and bronzer. From selected Boots nationwide
NEW
The beige option is best at this time of year – it looks simple, chic and flattering
From the latest foundations to the earliest spring colours, good-looking flesh tones will give winter skin a much-needed boost
NEUTRAL For a matt yet luminous base, try Chanel’s clever new compact foundation Vitalumière Eclat Comfort Radiance Compact Makeup. Inspired by high-resolution TV technology, the pigments in the formula refract light, giving an impression of flawlessness and improved radiance. It comes in six shades. £42.40, available nationwide
Boost a tired January complexion GRAHAM PEARSON
with the fabulous new Estée Lauder Resilience Lift Extreme.This moisture-rich anti-ageing foundation is the latest addition to its line-up and comes in 14 shades. £28, available nationwide YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
Coco Chanel’s passion for beige was the inspiration behind Le Vernis Nail Colour in Inattendu, £16, a fabulous, richly pigmented neutral. Available nationwide
As slick as Armani tailoring, the new spring make-up collection from Giorgio Armani includes the Nude Contrasts Warm Harmony eyeshadow palette. £49, from Harvey Nichols, tel: 020 7235 5000
Selected items are available to buy online at you.co.uk 17
things you don’t know about... SNIFFER DOGS
Our 19th year of offering you excellence!
Northern
These tail-wagging detectives can find anything from explosives and crystal meth to bodies and bees
cyprus & magical Istanbul Northern Cyprus
Kyrenia Harbour... must be one of the most beautiful sights in the world – Mail on Sunday
glittering beaches, sleepy villages, magical harbour fronts and captivating sights, and euro free.
Kyrenia – The picturesque and horse shoe shaped harbour provides a visual feast, where beautiful, whitewashed buildings and colourful boats shelter under a massive, Byzantine castle. During the day there are plenty of historical sites to explore as well as sandy coves to have refreshing swim in the clear crystal waters of the Mediterranean.
They don’t just crack crimes Most sniffer dogs are four-legged law enforcers, searching for drugs, money, bodies and explosives, and patrolling ports and airports for smuggled people, food, even DVDs. But conservationists also use them to trace species, from bees to rhinos. They can also zoom in on dry rot and help hotels find bed bugs.
Famagusta
Dogs can even detect cancer
– offers a fascinating window into the past the town and is home to countless historical treasures. Boasts of miles of fine golden sandy beaches, being the best on the island and is perfect for exploring the history of the Island.
They can scent tumours at an early stage (in a trial for bladder cancer, the dogs kept sniffing a sample from a healthy volunteer in the control group, who was later found to have a malignant growth).
A dog’s nose is 10,000 times more powerful than ours We have enough smell cells to cover a stamp but a dog’s would cover a tea towel. The bigger their snout the better. Polly, a springer spaniel, sniffed out £7 million of drugs and cash in Dover in five years, thanks to her huge nose.
Combine
the Magic of Istanbul complimented with the tranquillity of Northern Cyprus - unique way of experiencing the best of both worlds.
They need more than a keen sense of smell A strong hunting instinct, stamina and agility are crucial. Top breeds are gun dogs, such as labradors, springer and cocker spaniels and german pointers, which use their nose rather than their eyes in the chase.
Istanbul’s exciting blend of modern and ancient, eastern and western, opulent ottoman palaces in sultanahmet, inspiring boat trips along the bosphorus and ancient bazaars – might well leave you breathless.
Some of the most successful are rescue dogs In four years Scooby, an abandoned springer spaniel, netted £25 million-worth of drugs in the port of Dover. A tennis ball is key to training, which starts when the dog is a year old and lasts for three months. The ball is impregnated with the scents required and hidden in increasingly complex places. The dog is also taught to ignore smells such as bread, coffee and pepper, which are used to disguise the scent of drugs.
When they’ve found something, they sit and stare at it This saves embarrassment if they find drugs while off-duty. They stay put until they’re called off. One dog went round on the luggage carousel at Gatwick airport until its handler caught up – and retrieved several kilos of cocaine.
Hundreds work in war zones
GETTY. WORDS: LINDA GRAY
£399
Northern Cyprus 2010 Summer Holidays
It’s all a game to them
Mine detection and bomb disposal are all in a day’s work for Ministry of Defence sniffer dogs. Sadie, a black labrador who was awarded the Dickin Medal (the animal equivalent of the Victoria Cross) for finding a bomb in Afghanistan, had previously served in Northern Ireland, Kosovo and Iraq. Sadly, there are casualties. Sniffer dog Sasha and her handler were killed by the Taliban in 2008, and some have to be treated for post-traumatic stress.
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Your pet could be one The army is appealing for dogs to train. If you have a young german shepherd or gun dog, call 01664 418668 or visit yourcountryneedsyourdog.co.uk. Dog Squad will be shown on Sky Real Lives, channel 243, and in HD on channel 278, tomorrow at 8.30pm YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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Subject to a minimum deposit of £100. Nothing to pay for the first six months, then payable over 18 months at 0% APR typical. Subject to status. *Individual unit sales are at list price. Orders over £1500 list price are eligible for discount. Featured Horizon range was available for sale at the higher ‘was’ price between 28th November and 28th December. Other ranges - ask for details. Different prices may have applied since highest ‘was’ price. Price lists available at the time of quotation. **Applies to orders £2,000 or above. ††We will guarantee to match any like-for-like written competitor quotation. Please ask your designer for further details.
MAKE-UP MASTERCLASS
GREEN FLASH
JEMMA KIDD
We only have eyes for the hue of the moment — here’s how to work it KEEP IT SUBTLE FOR DAY Team neutral eyeshadow with strong green eyeliner. Apply a wash of light gold or beige, such as Bourjois Little Round Pot in Ambre Nude (£5.86, available nationwide), over your lids. Line the upper lash lines with a green cream or gel liner using a fine brush – try Urban Decay Ink For Eyes in Loaded (5, £14, from Boots, tel: 0845 070 8090). Apply soft brown liner along the lower lash lines, such as Illamasqua Fat Pencil in Wilful (£12.72, illamasqua.com).
GORUNWAY.COM. STILL LIFES: TOBI JENKINS
GET THE SMOKY LOOK FOR NIGHT Green is a great alternative to classic charcoal for evening, as it doesn’t look too heavy or dark (see photograph, right). I recommend Givenchy Prisme Again! Eyes in Green Envy (1, £31, tel: 01932 233824) to create this look, or see my colour guide. Cover any redness on your eyelids with a little foundation or concealer; this will also provide a base for the shadow. Apply a neutral shadow over your lids and follow it with a mid-toned green, blending up to the socket lines. Then, if
you wish, apply a lighter green up to the brow bones. With a fine brush (try Sonia Kashuk Smudge Brush, £12.72, from spacenk.co.uk), apply dark green shadow to the outside of your top and bottom lash lines. Blend and smudge upwards for a smoky effect. Line along the roots of the lashes and inner rim of the eyes with dark green eye pencil, such as Mac Eye Kohl in Tarnish (6, £12, maccosmetics.co.uk), to intensify the colour. Curl lashes and apply brown volumising mascara, which tones well with green. Benefit Bad Gal Lash in Brown (£14.50, benefitcosmetics.co.uk) is great. Keep lips and cheeks neutral.
COLOUR CODE YOUR SKIN TONE Fair skin Opt for olives, pale greens or rich jades such as Benefit Velvet Eyeshadow in Mermaid, a pale green with a hint of gold (3, £13.50). Medium skin Olives and forest greens look great. Try Lancôme Pop N’ Palette in 16 (2, £31, available nationwide). Dark skin Emerald greens look fabulous, so go for Urban Decay Deluxe Eye Shadow in Graffiti (4, £13).
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Take it down a shade If you don’t want to go for the full-on green-eyed effect, try a sheer wash over the lids.
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E-mail Jemma at jemma@you.co.uk YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
21
Shakir EXCLUSIVEINTERVIEW
i
f you are blonde, pretty and a pop star, especially if you are a pop star who also knows how to belly dance, the chances are you’re stupid. I went on tour with a very successful British girl band to Poland once and suggested, to help give my piece a bit of ‘colour’, that we spend the afternoon in Auschwitz. ‘Are there any shops?’ one of the popstrels asked hopefully. Shakira bucks that stereotype. On the day we meet, she had given a lecture about her charity work the night before (she spoke
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eloquently in English, not her first language, with no notes) to the union at Oxford University. I ask whether she was nervous, following in the footsteps of great minds such as Stephen Hawking and Winston Churchill. ‘To be able to occupy the same stage which so many other relevant, historic, really exceptional people had occupied before me was quite a responsibility,’ she says, in that scattergun way of talking that reminds me of Gisele, the Brazilian supermodel. ‘And Oxford is quite cosy, too. The building ➤
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
PHOTOGRAPHS: ART AND COMMERCE
BOD Y POLITIC
ra’s One minute she’s shaking her Latino hips, the next she’s talking education with world leaders in her campaign to change the lives of South American children… Liz Jones discovers what really puts the fire into Shakira’s super-taut belly
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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WENN, XPOSUREPHOTOS.COM
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I spoke in, it’s amazing, really wonderful.’ As soon as we sit down backstage at a prerecording of the Christmas Day Top of the Pops – she is dressed in black jeans, a black jacket with pointy shoulders by Rick Owens, a gold vest – Shakira gets straight to the point. Unlike other stars – and Shakira is a huge star, the fourth richest woman in pop with an estimated £26 million fortune – she doesn’t want to talk about her new single or her new album, She Wolf, or her new video, in which she cavorts on all fours in a leotard (35 million views on YouTube to date), but about the plight of children in South America. Shakira was the only Latin American artist to perform at Live 8 in Paris in 2005. Why does she think the West always focuses its efforts on Africa and Asia and ignores her homeland? ‘I think people need to know more about Latin America, to understand that it is the most unequal region in the world, where a few have everything and many people have nothing, that 35 million children in South America don’t have access to education of any kind, don’t receive any kind of stimulation, or nutrition,’ she says. I ask how she can square being sexy, wearing skimpy clothes, with championing children and women. ‘Of course I can square it!’ she says, indignant. ‘I think my image is one of being powerful, in control.’ Why, then, appear on the cover of FHM magazine? ‘I am totally pro-women. I know it’s critical to invest in girls’ education, because educating girls means educating future mothers, and the mothers are always the administrator of the household. Women reinvest their education. I know it because I’ve seen it, because I grew up in the developing world, because I see how education has a transformational power, you know: it changes the lives of so many people. ‘I read recently that one of the reasons China has been one of those new emerging economies is because 80 per cent of the people who own the factories are women, and they’re more efficient in their work, more detail-orientated, and more productive.’ Why is Latin America in such dire straits? ‘It has paid the consequences of years of colonialism, of conflict, but it is a continent with so much potential, so much to offer to the world. The children of Latin America are so lively. I mean, when you get to know them you know how joyful they are in spite of the extreme poverty in which many of them live. They still have so many dreams and aspirations. And it’s sad to see how our indifference can crush those dreams and never let these children’s full potential develop. That is such a waste.’ Shakira has even, remarkably, studied the synapses of the infant brain. ‘The ages of zero to six are the most vulnerable years in the human life, when the cognitive skills and the social and motor skills are developing. Human beings have a very small 24
Shakira in New York last year with her parents (top) and boyfriend Antonio de la Rua (above)
‘At first, my drive came from wanting to bring joy to my parents, then to the children of my country. Now it is for me’
window to form their foundation for life. After six years old that window closes. The life of that human being will be determined.’ Where on earth does her conviction come from? She could, after all, have chosen to buy a mansion in Beverly Hills, and spend the rest of her life topping up her tan. ‘I suppose what moved me was when I was eight years old my dad, who worked as a jeweller, underwent bankruptcy. I saw him trying to feed a family of 11 people [she has eight siblings], working hard every day trying to figure out how to pay his debts and change his situation, but he never gave up on my education. He took me to see the children who lived in the local park, who had no shoes, who sniffed glue, to teach me that there were others who were worse off than I was. At first, my drive, my ambition came from wanting to bring my parents joy. Then, it was about bringing the children of my country joy. Now, the debt has been paid. Now it is for me.’ Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoli grew up in Barranquilla on the Caribbean coast of Colombia. Her father, William, is Lebanese, her mother, Nidya, Colombian. She started dancing at the age of four, entranced by a performance of belly dancing. Wanting to sing professionally, aged 13, she stalked a record producer who was staying in town, performed a cappella and secured a deal. Her first two albums flopped, but by the time she recorded her third, Barefoot, in 1996, she had taken control. Having taught herself English, she then broke into the English-speaking market with her album Laundry Service in 2001 and Oral Fixation Vol 2 in 2005, which spawned the worldwide hit ‘Hips Don’t Lie’. Aged 18, she set up her Barefoot Foundation; so far, it has helped 30,000 children to get an education by building schools, providing teachers, and giving occupational training to parents. Shakira famously took Gordon Brown to task on the problems of the developing world. Does he really care, or was he just keen to capitalise on a photo opportunity with someone young – she is 32 but at just 4ft 11in looks about 12 – and beautiful? ‘I met him once personally [at 11 Downing Street in March 2006] and we were on the phone once, and both times we discussed universal education. I know for a fact that he is one of those leaders who is committed to promoting universal education. That conversation was quite serious. I didn’t have a problem with him. You know, nine years ago there was a development goal. The leaders of the world committed to get all the children in the world enrolled and in school by the year 2015. Obviously we’re not going to get there, and it’s very sad to know that the promises haven’t been met. But, you know, we can’t wait any longer. The children of the world can’t wait any longer.’ Shakira was the only Latin American artist to ➤ YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
‘I think my image is one of being powerful, in control’
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Above: on stage at the Y100 Jingle Ball in Florida in December. Below: speaking at her 2006 benefit concert, in support of Unicef, in San Salvador
Above: with David Beckham at a children’s hospital fundraiser last year. Below: at the 2006 Latin Grammy Awards – she won four
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further from the truth – I go frequently to Colombia; I will be visiting some of our schools in the spring if you would like to come with me to see how we work’) because the money, and having a platform, offers ‘some hope to the children back home. I grew up understanding that in countries like mine when you are born poor, you are destined to die poor. I have seen how many children are recruited into the militia or into the drug-trafficking business at an early age because they are not safe at school, and I understood that I could do something about it even in a small way. No child wants to be a drug dealer or in the militia.’ I ask her to describe herself. ‘I am romantic. I am shy.’ She has been in therapy for many years. What prompted that, and what has she learnt about herself? ‘I have understood that no human being should be judged. I now understand how vulnerable we are, and that we should all cut ourselves some slack. I like to have a map of my psyche, it means I am closer to forgiving myself, I am more free. Freedom is happiness.’ I really like Shakira, and admire her. ‘Men are born good, then society corrupts them, I think Rousseau said. Children, what they want, what they dream about are true aspirations, pure dreams. They aspire to become good members of society, they aspire to become doctors, nurses.’ A pop star who quotes Rousseau rather than name-drops Gucci and Hermès. A woman after my own heart. y Shakira’s album She Wolf is out now YOU 00 17 JANUARY 2010 YOU MONTH 200X
WIREIMAGE, AP, JASON FRAZER, GETTY IMAGES, REUTERS
‘I had a conversation about early childhood development with President Obama’
At Oxford University last December, and, above, visiting the children at her Barefoot Foundation in Colombia, 2005
Above: performing with Stevie Wonder at President Obama’s inauguration concert. Below: meeting Gordon Brown in 2006
sing at President Obama’s inauguration. ‘We had a brief conversation and he manifested how important it will be for him to get closer to Latin America, to understand all of our needs and challenges. We discussed early childhood development, briefly. He seems to understand very well.’ Shakira has long been involved with Antonio de la Rua, the handsome lawyer son of the former president of Argentina; in South America, they are as famous as Posh and Becks, only with more A-levels (Shakira went, incognito, to the University of California in Los Angeles in late summer of 2007 to study history). They met almost a decade ago, and are now engaged – ‘He is my best friend, he and I started another foundation together a couple of years ago; he is not jealous about sharing me with the children’ – and she says she wants to start a family ‘some day’. She loves fashion, shoes, nice things. ‘I do like to enjoy things any normal girl my age enjoys: I jog in the park, watch really bad movies. I used to feel guilty – I am a Catholic girl after all – but today, the way I see it, shopping keeps the world rolling. A world where people don’t consume? The economy gets worse.’ She says that the only reason she can cope with the fame, the paparazzi, the gossip, the endless sniping (now her base is in Miami, she is often accused of selling out, ‘which could not be
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RELATIONSHIPSETC
THE SHOCKING SECRETS BEHIND OUR PERFECT MARRIAGES We all know couples who look like they’ve got marriage completely sussed – but can we ever really be sure what goes on behind closed doors? It appears that even the most seemingly solid of unions can hide a guilty secret, as Kathryn Knight reports… Photographs JOE PLIMMER
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Jean and Joe, both 52, have been married for 30 years. Jean knows that her husband has occasional sexual relationships with men, although their two grown-up children have no idea. Ten years ago Joe walked into the bedroom when I was drying my hair and said that he had to talk to me. He had been behaving strangely for a while and my stomach flipped over. I thought he was going to tell me he was having an affair. Nothing could have prepared me for what he did say, which was that he had feelings for men. I remember collapsing to the floor, barely able to breathe. He said he had never slept with another man, but had these urges that he couldn’t control. We would call it bisexual now, although I barely knew the word at the time. I’d been a virgin when we married and remained very naive. Most women would walk out on the spot, but after the initial shock I looked at this man that I had loved for more than two decades, sobbing in front of me, and he was so vulnerable that, alongside the hurt and shock, I felt compassion. Joe is a good man, and in every other way our marriage was strong: while our contemporaries’ marriages dropped like flies, ours was rock solid. We still enjoyed each other’s company and had regular sex. Over the coming weeks we managed to work something out. We both wanted to stay in the marriage, so agreed that Joe would have occasional ‘adventures’ with men (which had to be safe sex) while I turned a blind eye. The first time he ‘disappeared’ for a weekend, three months after that first conversation, was excruciating. I spent the entire 48 hours asking myself whether I had made the right decision, if I could really live like this. It helped that the children were teenagers with their own lives. They had no idea what was going on other than that their dad was away
a bit more. I will never tell them. Understandably, sex has been difficult. There have been a lot of things for me to work through, but I am still very attracted to Joe and he remains tender towards me in the bedroom. I realise, with some irony, that Joe’s bisexuality is also one of the reasons our relationship is so strong – he is very intuitive, kind, in touch with his feminine side, if you like. And so I find myself, a pretty ordinary woman in her 50s, participating in the most extraordinary deception. There are conditions. I have never spoken a word to anyone, and nor will I. I don’t want to subject our marriage to the judgment of others. On his side, I have made it clear that nothing he does must pose any risk to our family. His liaisons take place far away from home and I insist on a yearly health check. I worry that he may meet a man who means more to him than a casual fling. Yet in a funny way I find it easier than if he were committing adultery with another woman. This way I don’t have to question my own shortcomings. Joe jokes that he’s a one-woman man – and it’s true. Although if you had told me a decade ago that I would be able to laugh about ➤ it, I would never have believed you.
PHOTOGRAPHS POSED BY MODELS. SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. HAIR AND MAKE-UP: EMMA TURLE AT JOY GOODMAN
‘My husband has gay affairs’
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‘We’ve had a sexless marriage for seven years’
REX FEATURES, PAUL LEWIS, GETTY IMAGES, REUTERS
Helen, 37, has not had sex with her 39-year-old husband Will since their second child, Sophie, was born in 2002. There’s always a moment when you’re having drinks with girlfriends and the conversation turns a bit bawdy, and it is a moment I dread – because none of them, not even my closest friend, has any idea that I can tell you pretty much the exact date when I last had sex with my husband, and that it was seven years ago, when our second child was conceived. Since then there have been cuddles, even a little foreplay, but nothing else. We still share the same bed and every night we lie there together, reading, chatting – doing everything, in fact, apart from having sex. Looking back, I can see that being platonic crept up on us like an illness. Both my pregnancies – our elder daughter Suzy is nine – were difficult, and both times sex was off the agenda from the moment I found out, as I was so sick throughout. But while we got back in the saddle three months after Suzy was born, it was different with Sophie. I was floored by severe postnatal depression, and didn’t want Will near me other than for an occasional cuddle. At first he was
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understanding, but a year in he became more agitated, asking me when I would be ready. It was fair enough, looking back, but instead of trying to talk it through, I withdrew even further, accusing him of putting pressure on me. Soon he just stopped trying. Even I can’t believe that another six years have gone by, but it’s astonishing how two people can ignore the elephant in the room, especially when you have the distraction of children. Will travels a lot for work too, and there are times when we can spend weeks passing like ships in the night – I go to bed early, he comes up an hour later and gets up earlier. The strange thing is how little it bothers me. I would always have considered myself a sexual person but now, while my sexual feelings for Will have faded, I have no desire to have an affair. It’s like that part of my life has shut down, although in my mind I know this can’t go on – I’m not even 40. I do wonder about Will, though, and whether he is finding sexual fulfilment elsewhere, maybe on his business trips. Perhaps that’s the reason he can maintain our home life. The thought makes me feel sick, yet at the same time I’m unable to address it. It’s like we’re both paralysed, backed into an emotional corner that neither of us has any idea how to get out of. Sometimes there are excruciating moments when we are watching a love scene on TV, and you can almost smell the awkwardness. I sit there, tense, wondering if he will say anything. But it always seems to pass. Outside the house, nobody would ever know: to our friends we are still the same couple we have always been – chatty, open, friendly. We even joke about sex at dinner parties – I remember the last one we went to there was jokey banter about how women would rather watch a good drama and Will and I were joining in with the best of them. I looked around and thought, ‘If only you knew.’
GARETH THOMAS: THE SECRET HOMOSEXUAL Welsh rugby hero Gareth Thomas seemed to have it all: a glittering career and a happy marriage to his teenage sweetheart Jemma. But he recently confessed that it was all a pretence because he is, in fact, gay. Gareth tried to ignore his feelings but ultimately couldn’t and the couple are soon to divorce. ‘The thing is I really did love Jemma but this secret was driving me crazy,’ Gareth said recently.
LENNY HENRY: THE MIDLIFE CRISIS Comedians Lenny Henry and Dawn French suffered a crisis in 1999, which Lenny blamed on his depression. First his mother died, then work got out of hand and he snapped. Matters came to a head after he allegedly spent the night in a hotel with receptionist Merri Cheyne. After a stint at the Priory he made a commitment to spend more time at home with Dawn and their daughter Billie. YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
‘I’m terrified of my husband’ Anita, 44, is a legal secretary who has been married for 20 years to John, an insurance broker, 49. They have two teenage children. When John and I married he was the most charming man you can imagine – funny, suave and incredibly clever. I started an admin job in my early 20s at his insurance company and fell for him immediately. It wasn’t just me, either: my parents and friends loved him. There weren’t any warning signs about his temper. John always liked everything just so – meals at certain times, cupboards filled in orderly lines – and I used to joke about him being a fusspot. But after the children were born, he got worse. He hated the house being messy, which is unavoidable with two toddlers, and he would get in a foul mood if he came home from work to anything other than military order. I started to feel tense when I heard the key in the door: was I going to get nice John or nasty John? Nice John was full of fun, sweeping the children into his arms and giving me a hug. Nasty John was snarly, finding fault with everything I did. I didn’t understand what had happened to the man I married, but when I tried to talk to him he would say he was under stress at work. The first time he fully exploded with anger was a shock. It wasn’t even about the children, or the mess. We were planning to watch a film but the TV wasn’t working. John was getting more and more worked up and then he lost it,
lifting the TV then smashing it into the floor and stamping on the pieces. He was white with anger, swearing and screaming. I was terrified the children would wake up. I remember looking at him thinking, ‘My God, I don’t recognise you.’ I realised I was scared of him. Then within ten minutes he was in tears, apologising, saying he didn’t know what had come over him. Our marriage has followed the same pattern since. John has never laid a finger on me, but I have lost count of the times when he has stood over me shouting about something as trivial as me forgetting something from the supermarket. He is six foot two and incredibly intimidating. When he is calm he is apologetic and we have even talked about him going to anger-management classes, but it has never happened. He is also quite clever – he has never done it in front of the children. They have little idea other than that Daddy sometimes gets wound up, and I am torn between trying to tell them the truth and shouldering it myself. I know I cannot live my life like this but I feel paralysed. I remember one time at work someone made a jokey reference to the film Sleeping With the Enemy [in which an obsessive man beats his wife] and I froze at my desk. No one has the remotest idea that my home life resembles it, and that, even after 20 years, I don’t know which man I’m going to get when I hear the key in the door.
TIGER WOODS:THE SERIAL CHEAT To the world’s eyes, Tiger Woods had a brilliant career and perfect marriage. However, just before Christmas, the world’s number one golfer had to apologise to his wife Elin, mother of his two young children, for his ‘transgressions’. This was following a car accident outside his home in Florida and rumours that the accident was the result of an argument with Elin, who he had married in 2004, over an affair. Since then up to 18 women have been linked with Woods, leaving his squeaky clean image in tatters. When the scandal broke, Woods said he wanted to take time out ‘to concentrate on being a better husband, father and person’, but according to respected American TV show Entertainment Tonight he was recently seen partying with New York club promoter Rachel Uchitel, the first of his mistresses to be named. Now Elin is reportedly pushing ahead with plans to divorce him, and to claim 50 per cent of his £370 million fortune by way of a settlement. ➤ YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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‘I’m a secret alcoholic’
ALAMY, REX FEATURES, PA
Cait, 41, started drinking after she lost her second baby two years ago. Her husband Greg, 46, is the only person who knows she attends Alcoholics Anonymous. Earlier this week my husband and I attended an upmarket dinner party thrown by one of his business associates. All the other wives at the table were knocking back the chablis with abandon, but it was Greg who was surreptitiously draining my wine glass. That way, none of them would twig that I hadn’t drunk a drop – just as I haven’t for the past year. During that time I’ve been attending AA, driven there by Greg. I’m sure they would be stunned, because from the outside our lives are sickeningly shiny. Greg and I met in our early 30s after being introduced by friends, and we married two years later when I was 33, moving into a beautiful house in the Surrey commuter belt. Greg’s work in the City meant I could give up my job as a lawyer, which I did when our first baby, Charlie, arrived a year after we married. Our problems started when we tried to have a second child. Legions of tests failed to explain why I wasn’t conceiving and after three rounds of IVF we decided to draw the line as the strain
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had brought our marriage to breaking point. So when, a year later, I discovered I was pregnant at 39, we were both overjoyed. It didn’t last. At the 12-week scan, we learned that the baby had chromosomal defects which meant it would not survive beyond birth. The only option was to have a termination. I was devastated beyond belief. I shut Greg out and my coping mechanism was to drink. I had always been a social drinker, but now I was drinking every night, first a bottle of wine, then two. It was the only way to anaesthetise the pain. I managed to keep up appearances, although l saw less and less of my friends. When we did meet, they were able to put down any erratic behaviour to grief. And like all addicts I was clever. I would drink just a couple of glasses of wine then nip to the toilet and down a couple of miniature vodkas which I kept in my handbag. Greg knew I was drinking more than I should, and had gently suggested to me that I needed to be careful, but I don’t think he had any idea what was really going on. It all came to a head when he arrived home to find me unconscious on the floor while pots were boiling on the stove. I don’t remember what happened. Realising that I had potentially put my son’s life in danger was a wake-up call for both of us. The next day, Greg drove me to an AA meeting, and waited in a coffee shop nearby while I faced up to the terrible fact that I was an alcoholic. He has taken me to every single meeting since. Now, a year on, I’m getting there. I haven’t had a drink since that night, but temptation is all around me, particularly at the corporate functions I’m expected to attend as Greg’s wife or the dinner parties in our close-knit neighbourhood where I can’t hide behind driving as an excuse. It’s then that Greg steps in with our little deception. At some point I will feel able to tell friends and family the truth – it’s part of my recovery – but at the moment I don’t feel strong enough. I just feel blessed to have found someone who can be strong on my behalf.
ASHLEY COLE:THE BRUSH WITH INFIDELITY In January 2008, Cheryl and Ashley Cole’s two-year union was faced with claims of his infidelity, after hairdresser Aimee Walton told of a drunken one-night stand with the football star. Cheryl decided to stand by her man. Since then, every time she is seen in public without her wedding ring, the strength of their marriage is questioned. YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
‘I’ve been having an affair throughout our marriage’
MARK OATEN: THE GAY AFFAIR In 2006, it was revealed that married LibDem MP Mark Oaten had been having a lengthy affair with a rent boy. Oaten resigned as the party’s home affairs spokesman, and apologised for his personal behaviour. He later said a ‘midlife crisis’ and the stress of going bald were partly responsible for his infidelity. Wife Belinda stood by him, but Oaten has said, ‘What’s happened has changed us fundamentally. There are trust issues. We’re not the innocent couple that got married in 1992.’
GORDON RAMSAY: THE KISS-AND-TELL SCANDAL In 2008, Gordon Ramsay was rocked by claims that he had been conducting a seven-year affair, though he denied the alleged relationship with author Sarah Symonds. In 2007 the Ramsays had been named Celebrity Family of the Year. After the story broke, Gordon and wife Tana put on a show of unity and have refused to discuss the issue publicly. YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
Josie is 35, and has been married for five years to Matthew, 32, during which time she has also been having an affair with 42-year-old Steve. From the outside you would think that my husband and I are the most devoted couple. We hold hands in public, make each other laugh, and have the kind of carefree, holiday-packed relationship you might expect from a couple who earn reasonable amounts of money and have no children. I love him very much. I just happen to have spent our entire marriage – and our engagement – sleeping with someone else. My affair with Steve began just before I got engaged. He’s a freelancer and occasionally pitched up in my office, where we enjoyed the kind of flirty chemistry that had a certain inevitability to it. We ended up in bed a year later when Matt was away on a stag weekend and, although it was intense, exciting sex, at that point I thought it was a one-off, a getting-it-out-of-your-system roll in the hay. I did feel discombobulated afterwards, yet strangely guilt-free, and I think it helped that Steve then went travelling for six months. When Matt proposed two months later over dinner, I was genuinely thrilled and accepted straight away. Steve arrived back when I was in the midst of planning the wedding, and I was shocked by how intense the attraction remained. We ended up in bed together after a booze-fuelled lunch. I felt incredibly churned up by it – I was getting married, for God’s sake, and it kicked against everything you’re meant to be doing and feeling. Yet at the same time I didn’t feel as guilty as you might expect. Within a few weeks it had happened again. We had sex a month before my wedding, two months after I came back from honeymoon, and periodically ever since. It’s not all the time – Steve disappears for weeks at a time. We both have this great need for each other, but we both know it will never go any further. Steve
has made it quite clear that, while he feels strongly about me, he does not want to break up my marriage and has no intention of settling down. If I’m honest it makes it easier. It takes away any torture I might otherwise feel. It’s like they both fulfil different parts of me. Matt is Mr Regular, the man my family and friends all love and who I genuinely adore. Steve is Mr Unreliable, a nomad who has got to his 40s without ever having a long-term relationship. They are opposites in almost every way, from their hobbies – adventure sports for Steve, football and cricket for Matt – to their take on life. Matt is my rock, Steve is my adrenalin rush. I can’t imagine life without either of them. The thing that has shocked me most is how easily the deception has come to me. Ridiculous as it sounds, I would never do anything to deliberately hurt Matt and I consider myself a person of integrity in the rest of my life – I try to do the right thing when it comes to work and friendships. I know people will read this and think I must be a bitch, but I would put it another way: I’m a woman who just happens to love two very different men. y 33
INTERVIEW
She’s sung in a burlesque cabaret, been sawn in half as a magician’s assistant, played the devil’s girlfriend in the late Heath Ledger’s last film – and has cast her spell on the pop world with her enchanting debut album. Maureen Paton meets singer, actress and all-round showgirl Paloma Faith ➤ Photographs DIANA GOMEZ
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‘My look is about women claiming womanhood as something of power’
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anti-drink and drugs message from my family because they had seen the effects of it.’ ‘Stone Cold Sober’, which became the soundtrack on a Rimmel commercial with Lily Cole, went straight to number 17 in the charts, and her first album, Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?, reached number nine last September. Pretty impressive for someone who was once considered ‘too risky’ to be signed up. As Paloma explains: ‘I started singing old blues, jazz and soul music more than seven years ago, so I was doing it before Amy’s first album Frank came out in 2003. But I didn’t get a record deal at the time because I think they thought there could only be one person allowed with the timbre that Amy has. But then all these other soul singers came along and proved there was room for more than one, so I feel I’m bridging the gap between Duffy, Adele and Amy and theatrical people like La Roux, Goldfrapp and Björk.’ Her icons, past and present, include Edith Piaf, Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Billie Holiday, Josephine Baker, Björk, Etta James and Grace Jones. And she’s become a role model herself, not just with her highly orchestrated, Phil Spector-influenced sound (such as in her latest single, the apocalyptic ‘Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?’) but also in her hourglass curves that send out such a healthy message to other girls. ‘I’m really into food, it’s one of my favourite things – everything from potato waffles to lobster,’ says Paloma. Even her towering locks allegedly inspired Amy’s tipsy-looking beehive; they shared the same manager for a month, with Amy asking Paloma at one point to join her band because ‘she liked the way I looked’. But Paloma was always destined to be a frontwoman rather than someone else’s support. ‘I think Amy is somebody I would probably get on quite well with,’ she now says. ‘It’s sad about her addictions, but I think she’s just a bit lost and her mistake was to think she only achieved extreme creative success because of that man [Amy’s junkie ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil]. It’s only her insecurities that made her feel he was the creative one instead,’ adds Paloma. As she puts it, ‘All creative people have to have vulnerability because those nuances are what move people. So I’m deeply insecure – but I’m good at hiding it.’ Her Spanish first name means ‘dove’, the symbol of peace, but for Paloma, femininity is all
about being strong without being aggressive. ‘I don’t believe in violence, but I do believe in my pride,’ says the 5ft 4in Paloma, who once got a black eye after protectively stepping between her best friend and a violent man who was ‘giving it too much’ outside a club. ‘I might not be able to fight back but I definitely will be able to get up again,’ as she puts it. And her resilience extends to her songwriting as well. ‘Everyone has heartbreak in their lives, but when I started writing my own material, I felt that a lot of female artists such as Duffy and Amy sounded, lyrically, a bit defeatist. I don’t think you should let men affect you like that, because we are ruling the world now as women. There’s such a massive boom in female solo artists at the moment. We have been monopolising the charts for a year now and the boys are like, “They’ve taken over!” But no one said that about men monopolising the charts for the past 60 years. And my mum always tells me not to put men on a pedestal.’ Paloma was raised in Hackney, East London, by her English schoolteacher mother, a 60s feminist and single parent who divorced Paloma’s Spanish-born graphic designer father when Paloma was four. Later Paloma’s mother met another partner, a photographer. ‘My stepfather, as I call him even though my mum never married him, was present in my childhood, but my mum was my main port of call. She’s cool, my mum, she doesn’t need marriage. They have never lived together – that’s the answer to a good relationship, so I hear, for each to have their own house on the same street.’ Paloma went to a tough local comprehensive in Stoke Newington. She found herself being bullied because of the large orthodontic braces on her teeth that also fitted round the outside of her head (‘like Hannibal Lecter’), but thanks to her mother’s belief in her – and the support of what she calls ‘some inspirational left-wing teachers’ – she thrived as a straight A student. It’s made Paloma such a fan of comprehensive education that she even got stuck into a heavy-duty discussion about it with Michael Portillo last October on BBC1’s current affairs programme This Week. After school and college, she ran away to join a circus – well, performance artist Marisa Carnesky’s travelling Ghost Train installation, to be precise. ‘Marisa was my mentor – she taught me that if you have an aim in life, you can make anything happen,’ says Paloma, who has aimed high ever
‘Artists such as Duffy and Amy sound lyrically defeatist. You shouldn’t let men affect you like that’
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
STYLING: MICHELLE KELLY AT NAKED ARTISTS. HAIR: KENICHI AT CAREN. MAKE-UP: NATSUMI AT CAREN. PREVIOUS PAGE: HAT, MISA HARADA. DRESS, MANISH ARORA. OPPOSITE PAGE: HEADPIECE, NERIDA FRAIMAN. DRESS, ASHISH
I’M
heading for Stepney in East London, where pop’s newest showgirl has spent the day posing for photographs in a Georgian townhouse that’s almost as stylishly camp as she is. Paloma Faith is curled up on a chaise, looking like a red-lipped Hollywood pin-up with such mega-shiny magenta ringlets that you could probably spot her from outer space. And yes, it’s all Paloma’s own hair, coloured Rita Hayworth-red from its original brown. ‘I enjoy being a girl,’ lisps the half-Spanish, half-English singer/songwriter in what sounds like the understatement of the millennium, cooing over the cut of my 40s jacket and telling me that although her famous fetish for stilettos has given her broken veins on her legs, ‘it’s a fair trade-off’. Paloma (full name Paloma Faith Blomfield) is a former singer in burlesque cabaret, a life model, lingerie saleswoman and magician’s assistant with the stage name of Miss Direction, who regularly got sawn in half. All these part-time jobs not only funded her bachelor’s degree in contemporary dance and a master’s in theatre directing, but also taught her how to put the ‘show’ into show business. There’s a rumour that Paloma also used to work as an erotic dancer, but she giggles when I ask and says, ‘Only in people’s dreams.’ And so far this artful performer hasn’t put a foot wrong, literally or metaphorically, in a career that combines stage spectaculars full of optical illusions with straight acting roles. She appeared in the 2009 horror film Dread and shared a scene with Heath Ledger in late 2007 for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus after making her debut as a grungy emo schoolgirl in the first St Trinian’s film. And she’s still only 24. Her seductively dry voice and jazz, blues and soul influences have seen her dubbed the new Amy Winehouse, but Paloma is no Winehouse-style emotional wreck. After becoming a YouTube hit by pairing up with fellow singer/songwriter Josh Weller for the comedy song ‘It’s Christmas (And I Hate You)’ in December 2008, and performing at festivals such as T4 On the Beach, she landed a five-album deal with Epic Records. And last June she made it clear that she was going to be a very different kind of diva to Ms Winehouse with her debut single ‘Stone Cold Sober’, which threw down a gauntlet to the drink-and-drugs-driven music business by putting the sexiness into sobriety. As she coolly explains: ‘I think that not doing drugs is the new rock’n’roll. Everybody does drugs, especially in London, but I think it’s more unique and rebellious not to do them. And as a songwriter, I’m trying to challenge myself to use my brain to think laterally rather than taking the lazy option of a chemical that makes that happen. I know quite a lot of ex-addicts, and when I was growing up I saw the harm that drink can do, too. And I got a very strong
since – especially in the fantasy-outfit department. ‘A lot of men do have a fear of my ultra-femininity,’ she admits. ‘Sometimes people say I look like a drag queen, that I look scary, but I think that’s a fear of my confidence. Most women in contemporary culture pare down their femininity, so there’s a slight androgyny about them, and I think men have got used to seeing that. Me and my mum had discussions about me wearing suspenders and corsets because she burned her bra when she was young. But I say that my look is about postfeminism, about women reclaiming womanhood as something of power, not something negative.’ Currently single and living in West London, Paloma has an eclectic fanbase ranging from teens to 70-somethings, but, as yet, no retinue of lovelorn boys. Maybe, I suggest, that’s because of the unattainable image of many girl singers. ‘I hope it’s that and not because I’m unattractive and repellent,’ she says with a down-to-earth cackle, adding, ‘it’s very difficult to keep relationships going in this industry, but I do have a male best friend, and he’s in the music business, too.’ Paloma embarks on her first headlining tour of the UK and Ireland in March, and plans to continue combining music and acting, especially after the experience of working with Heath Ledger. In The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, she was cast as a girl who went out with the Devil (played by Tom Waits, one of her musical heroes) in the story of a theatre troupe that makes a pact with Satan. Ledger, who died suddenly two years ago before completing his role as a mysterious outsider, was an inspiration to her in that he would always go the extra mile. ‘He was really serious and committed about what he did; in my scene with him, he ad-libbed the line, “What are you, a singer?” when he sees me being carried over someone’s shoulder. Anyone who was living life as positively as Heath was could not be depressed,’ says Paloma, referring to press reports that suggested his accidental overdose on prescription drugs was suicide. ‘He would be on set even when he wasn’t in a particular scene, and that’s not the behaviour of a depressed person. If you’re depressed, you don’t even get out of bed. He was ill with the flu and was tired, but nothing more than that, so I think his death was a very unfortunate mistake,’ she says. Paloma has all the right instincts for survival in two tough, male-run industries, and won’t allow herself to be bullied by the image-makers. ‘There’s always a sexualisation of women in American pop videos, but I personally haven’t experienced sexism. I’m such a strong personality that nobody really answers back to me anyway,’ she says with another giggle. ‘I just say “No!” to wearing a bra and knickers for a shot and they go, “Oh, OK…” ‘I do feel like an old soul,’ she adds. ‘I don’t YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
‘People say that I look like a drag queen, that I look scary, but I think that’s a fear of my confidence’
necessarily fit in with my own generation because I’m not that interested in “stuff” – material things. I like to think I’m emotionally high-maintenance – but not necessarily materialistic. And when my mum gets affected by negative comments about me, I tell her off about it. The world is full of opinion, and it’s important to take the criticism as well as the compliments with a pinch of salt. It’s all transient, so you are best off being oblivious to both.’ Trust a cool operator like Paloma to know the difference between truth and illusion. y Paloma’s UK and Ireland tour begins on 17 March; for details, go to palomafaith.com 37
SHAPESHIFTERS
Half the men they used to be… 13st 8lb
Forget obsessive calorie-counting or supportive diet clubs – when men want to lose weight, they seem to do it dramatically and in their own uncompromising style (think Charles Saatchi, who in 2008 lost four stone by eating only nine eggs a day for nine months). Tanya de Grunwald salutes our top ten male losers of 2009 – and marvels at how they did it
THE HEARTBREAK DIET PETER ANDRE LOST 38lb As his marriage to Katie Price collapsed, Peter Andre discovered what so many women already knew – that there’s no slimming aid more effective than a bad break-up (except, perhaps, bad seafood). ‘For two weeks after I said I was leaving Katie, I could barely eat,’ the singer recalls
of his darkest days. ‘I was, and still am, training for an hour a day, but I had this horrible twisted knot of anxiety and hurt inside my stomach.’ So wretched was Andre feeling that he couldn’t even swallow food. The scales still shock him, he says. ‘I used to be 13st 8lb, but now I’m only 10st 12lb. Even when I came out of the jungle, I was 11st 9lb.’
THE BOOKWORM DIET
THE CHEESE-FREE DIET DARA O’BRIAIN LOST AROUND 3 STONE Discovering he had ‘béarnaise sauce for blood’ shocked the Mock the Week host into shedding some serious flab. ‘There aren’t numbers for how high my cholesterol was, after 20 years of living like I did. So my doctor said, “Get your a*** to the gym now and again – and eat less cheese.”’ Following this advice, says Dara, ‘the weight fell off’. Rory McGrath and Griff Rhys Jones must have been relieved that O’Briain had shed the extra ballast – the middle-aged trio were poised to film another follow-up to Three Men in a Boat.
Big cheese
38
10st 12lb
Cracker
STEPHEN FRY LOST 51⁄2 STONE Pumping dance tunes were never going to coax the QI host on to the treadmill – but with talking books on his iPod, there was no stopping him. ‘I never thought I’d say this, but I genuinely enjoy going to the gym. What has helped enormously has been the audio books I listen to while I’m walking.’ At 6ft 5in, Fry was always larger than life – but 21 stone is too large, he says. ‘I was fed up with having man boobs.’ He also cut out bread, potatoes, sugar and red meat.
Deep Fry
Spry guy
THE QUIET-LIFE DIET
Goliath
David
THE WALKING DIET DAVID MITCHELL LOST AROUND 2 STONE No longer ‘the fat one from Peep Show’, David claims he acquired his svelte new body by accident. ‘Someone told me walking was the best way to fix my bad back.’ But becoming thin has triggered an identity crisis. ‘I’ve been asked about it a lot and it’s embarrassing,’ he admits. ‘I was perfectly all right being fatter. I just had a bad back and then I did some walking and then I got thinner and I thought, “Good!” Then I thought, “Oh, you’re so superficial...”’ David, relax. We never loved you for your looks.
JOHNNY VEGAS LOST 6 STONE Being diagnosed with gout was a wake-up call for Johnny. ‘I’ve calmed right down,’ says the raspy-voiced comedian of his dramatic weight loss. In the old days, he remembers, ‘An early night was 4am. I can’t do it any more. So I’m happily dull, having quiet nights in with my decaf. It’s been a lot easier than I thought – and I’m saving money.’ The comic says he’s cut down on Guinness, pastries and kebabs – and discovered a taste for his dad’s home-made broth, which he batch cooks. (Bless – he never said dieting was glamorous.)
THE FROMAGEFRAIS DIET NICOLAS SARKOZY LOST 15lb Constantly being photographed alongside Carla Bruni would make anyone feel lardy – and in 2009 French President Sarkozy cracked. Under his willowy wife’s supervision, Sarko hired a trainer, started running, and swapped the chocolate for low-fat fromage frais. Despite his summer collapse while jogging, he has continued his ruthless regime, dropping two trouser sizes. ‘He is a dream pupil,’ says trainer Julie Imperiali.
Avant
REX, CAMERA PRESS, BIG, WENN, THE PICTURE LIBRARY LTD, LONDON MEDIA, RETNA PICTURES
THE EARLY-BIRD DIET HESTON BLUMENTHAL LOST 21⁄2 STONE The Little Chef saviour swears that losing weight is all in the timing – he’s up with the lark and never eats late. ‘I play racketball every morning at seven,’ he says. Blumenthal even binned his beloved midnight feasts – insisting late-night snacking is the quickest route to a man-belly. ‘My worst habit is getting home late after work, when my metabolism has slowed right down, and having a sandwich and a glass of red wine.’ He also runs 12km a week and hits the gym twice a week.
THE CYCLING DIET
Mass Vegas
Après
Less Vegas
GARY KEMP LOST A STONE With Spandau Ballet returning to the stage after nearly two decades, guitarist Gary knew critics would be merciless about the band’s expanded waistlines – so he bought a carbon-frame bike. ‘I’ve become passionate about cycling,’ says Gary. ‘I’m so addicted to this now that there is not a road I drive on in my car where I’m not thinking, “This would be great on a bike.”’ Thankfully, he draws the line at shaving his pins, a practice beloved of pro cyclists. ‘My wife won’t let me,’ he admits.
THE BEHIND-CLOSEDDOORS DIET
JUSTIN LEE COLLINS LOST 3 STONE Comedian and presenter JLC drew gasps (and swoons) when he shrank from 15 stone to 12 stone – by ditching lager. ‘I gave up beer and went on the lady drinks. I like a Campari and soda now.’ Collins says he feels ‘sexier’ – and his 34in waist means he can now squeeze his compact backside into skinny jeans. There’s just one person who doesn’t love his slimline figure – his co-host Alan Carr. ‘I’ve broken a fat pact I made with him,’ Collins admits. ‘He calls me emaciated. But he should keep up, so I bought him a Wii Fit!’
RICKY GERVAIS LOST AROUND 3 STONE The once-tubby Office star says the secret to sticking with an exercise plan is ensuring you’re sweating, puffing and panting in total privacy. ‘I haven’t been on any diet but I have been working out more,’ he says. ‘With a gym in your house, there’s no excuse.’ Happily, Gervais says fans who fear he’s overdoing the cardio needn’t worry. ‘I’m still a 36in waist so I’m hardly Posh Spice.’
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
Old
Gold
THE CAMPARI DIET
All out
Less-ton
Heston
Just in
Extras
Extra svelte
39
In a taxi with…
U
sually you can describe a pop band by comparing them to another. But North London trio N-Dubz (an abbreviation of ‘NW1’) are an exception with their mishmash of rap, grime and R ’n’ B. Tulisa sings and provides a splash of glamour, Fazer (so-called because of his habit of ‘fazing out’ of conversations) lays down beats and Dappy, a gobby force of nature in a floppy-eared hat, is the rapping frontman. (His nickname comes from ‘Dapper Boy’, a reference to his, ahem, unique dress sense.) It’s easy to be sniffy, but right now N-Dubz are the ones doing the laughing. They sold half a million copies of their first album, Uncle B, despite the fact that most of their fans had downloaded the songs already. Their second album, Against All Odds, hit the top ten on its release last November. The band won Best UK Act and Best Album at last year’s Mobo awards. They have also worked with the likes of Mr Hudson and Gary Barlow. N-Dubz are loud, proud and hysterically popular. By the end of our trip round Soho, both cabbie Steve and I feel utterly exhausted, a little confused and very, very old. N-Dubz, however, are not that young – at least not in Miley Cyrus terms. Tulisa is 21, Dappy and Fazer are 22, and the band recently celebrated their tenth anniversary together. Tulisa and Dappy are cousins, she is half Greek, he fully so, and their mothers were close friends. ‘We spent pretty much every day together,’ Tulisa says. ‘I’m an only child and Dappy’s brother is much older than him so we only hung out with each other.’ Fazer met Dappy at karate lessons aged ten, and the trio formed the band a year later. As Tulisa explains, music was in the band’s blood. ‘My dad and Dappy’s dad were both in Mungo Jerry [of ‘In The Summertime’ fame], and used to produce and write their own songs in a studio in Dollis Hill. I YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
Clockwise, from left: Fazer, Dappy and Tulisa
N-Dubz The North London rappers are ready to be taken seriously Interview BENJI WILSON Photograph CHRIS O’DONOVAN went there when I was five and Shaggy was next door to us. Doing “Mr Boombastic”, funnily enough.’ By the age of 11 they were already recording and honing their production skills while attending Haverstock School in Camden – occasionally. ‘I ain’t going to lie and say I was an angel,’ says Fazer. ‘I’d always be sent out of classes and felt like the teacher didn’t like me.’ Tulisa says: ‘We pretty much didn’t go. The studio gave us somewhere to go instead.’ Dappy’s dad, who sadly passed away in 2007, was their mentor and manager. They performed around Camden, put out three singles, and soon developed an underground following via pirate radio. Two years
‘People are scared of what they don’t understand. They look at this dude in a hat and say, “What an idiot”’
ago they signed to Polydor, but were dropped shortly after in 2008. ‘Polydor?’ says Dappy. ‘Forget them. They helped us in the beginning but they never gave us a push. We might not be like Cheryl Cole or some big indie band but they basically didn’t take us seriously.’ This is a bit of a sore point. Some people think N-Dubz are a joke, largely thanks to their frontman’s headgear. This began when Dappy made the first of two appearances on the music quiz show Never Mind The Buzzcocks, during which host Simon Amstell mocked him relentlessly. ‘You know what it is?’ says Tulisa. ‘People are scared of what they don’t understand and they find it a lot easier to knock it. The first thing they do is look at this dude in a hat and say, “What an idiot.”’ Dappy says, ‘I’m not a joke. It’s an image for the kids which is very important. And, anyway, it’s working. My hats ain’t going nowhere.’ N-Dubz’s latest single ‘Playing With Fire’, featuring Mr Hudson, is out tomorrow. The album Against All Odds is out now 41
OLDSCHOOLTIES
Liz Jones and the classmates of 75 return to Brentwood County High School, Essex. From left: Michelle West, Jane Cooper, Liz, Tracey Bartlett, Heather Durie and Gill Saunders
‘I always felt different Wondering whether the seeds of her unhappy life were sown at school, YOU columnist Photographs RICHARD CANNON 42
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
I’M
standing in a hall with parquet flooring and leaded windows. The smell is sort of the same – chicken marengo mixed with plimsolls – but the hall has changed. It’s still wood panelled, with big double doors through to the assembly hall, but there’s a big reception desk plonked in the middle, with phones and computers, and everywhere are brightly coloured posters and paintings. I’ve changed, too. The last time I stood in this hall I was 16, dressed in a gingham shirt, navy jumper and skirt, and brown, definitely non-regulation Freeman Hardy Willis platforms (we were supposed to own indoor and outdoor shoes, but my parents couldn’t afford both). I’d come to see the headmistress, Mrs Lansdell, to explain why I’d decided not to join the sixth form and to take my A-levels elsewhere. Her office was to the left; even today I feel nervous as I peek in: it’s full of the grey technology of modern-day education. I have a photo taken a year or so before I left Brentwood County High School in Essex; the school is now a co-ed comprehensive. Looking at the picture, I’m not the ugliest girl in my form, but I’m definitely the saddest. Back then I felt ugly, hideous. I always had a letter from my mum to get me out of swimming lessons. The communal showers for use after hockey or netball filled me with fear. I always felt different to the other girls: they were giggly, confident, carefree. I was wracked with nerves. They wore bras and tights and had periods. I wore liberty bodices, white socks that were so old the elastic had worn out, and I would never have periods: my anorexia had kicked in by then. But I had hope that one day everything would be OK. Standing here now, aged 50, waiting for the other girls in that photo to turn up, not one of whom I have seen since we were 16, I thought about how the last time I’d been in this hall my mum would have been at home chopping vegetables for one of her stews, and I think of how she is now: bedridden for almost a decade, in constant pain, she barely knows me. I think of my dad, who last time I stood here was out there, somewhere, in his sharp suit, pink tie and Cary Grant tan. He has been dead for 11 years. And look at me now: the BMW convertible, the Prada outfit, the big career. But if I could tell my 16-year-old self what I would go through over the next 34 years I’m sure I’d have said, when I ➤
to the other girls’ Liz Jones searches out some old friends from the class of 75 YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
43
Liz Jones
➤
learned about the hours spent at the office, the stress, the sacrifice, ‘Are you insane? No thanks.’ The reason I’ve returned to my school is to find out whether my future was already mapped out for me, determined by what I was like as a child, or if I brought my life on myself. And how on earth did everyone else turn out? The girls who have agreed to turn up on this Saturday morning are Michelle West, Tracey Bartlett, Jane Cooper, Gillian Saunders and Heather McCheyne (now Durie). I’m hoping to meet Karen Rouse, my best friend, who is standing next to me in the school photo on page 47 (I always thought she looked like Karen Carpenter, although she ruined her conker-shiny hair somewhat with a feather cut) at a later date, as she has moved to Hong Kong. First to arrive is Michelle. I thought I’d forgotten what she looked like, but the moment we hug I remember: the big, dark eyes, the ridiculously extravagant eyelashes. I even remember the way she gestures with her hands. She lives in Wiltshire now, has been married to Peter for 30 years, and works for a charity that offers counselling to children from broken homes. She has two daughters: Rhian, 22, and Ashton, 19. ‘I wasn’t academic so I knew that wasn’t a route for me,’ she says. ‘I didn’t really have a clear idea of what I wanted to do; I think I just let life happen and went along with it.’ Is she happy? ‘I can’t think of anything I would change. Maybe a career would have been nice, but I don’t regret what I’ve done. I feel really lucky.’ Next is Tracey. She still lives near the school, 44
They were giggly, confident, carefree; I was wracked with nerves was married once, and has been with her current partner for six years. She has four children: Billy, 17, Daisy, 14, April, 11, and Stuart, ten. She works as a driving instructor. ‘I didn’t enjoy school because I struggled. My parents never really bothered whether I did my homework or anything, so I used to sit looking out of the window.’ So you weren’t scared of boys because you went to an all-girls school? ‘No, we loved boys!’ Tracey says. ‘We used to go in the Queen, didn’t we? [No! A pub! Why wasn’t I invited?] It’s still there. I used to get the three-minutes-to-11 bus home. I can’t believe my mum let me do that.’ I remember that Heather had extraordinarily thin legs, and played the violin. She arrives: still thin, still blonde, and having qualified as a lawyer, she now runs a successful adventure travel company, lives in Suffolk, and has been married to George for 20 years, with four girls aged from 14 to 19. ‘I loved school, but I think I was young for my age because I was brought up
on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and we were quite isolated,’ she says. Next is Jane. She and I used to catch the train home to Wickford each afternoon, and we’d play tennis together. She is still blonde, still very pretty (I’m shocked by how everyone still looks essentially the same), still quiet and sweet, and she still lives in Essex. She tells me that she has been married to Andy, the boy she met aged 16 at our local youth club, for 30 years and has three children: Daniel, 26, Hayley, 24, and Amy, 22. (That someone I was at school with has been married for so long comes as a shock, as does news that another schoolmate, Alison, is a grandmother. Ye gods.) I ask what Jane does for a living. ‘I gave up my job in a bank when I had children.’ What does she remember about school? ‘You always worked really hard,’ she says. Does she regret not having a career? ‘I’m happy but I do regret that a little bit, now I’m older. I’d love to try to do something now but I don’t have the confidence, you know?’ Finally, there is Gillian Saunders. I was always very shy of Gill at school. She was everything I wasn’t. Blonde, with a great figure, she was good at everything: netball, tennis, maths, swimming. While I hated gym – finding even a forward roll painful and difficult, and balking at the vaulting horse – Gill looked fabulous in the navy knickers. She had big, even, American teeth whereas I wore braces. She laughed all the time. She lived in a lovely house whereas I lived in a former rectory with no central heating, shabby furniture YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
Tracey Bartlett
Heather Durie
Michelle West
Jane Cooper
Liz Jones
Gill Saunders
While all the other girls had boyfriends at school, I was about the only one who didn’t Liz and her schoolfriends get reacquainted with their old classroom. Opposite, Liz aged 12 in an old school photograph
and miles from anywhere. And Gill always had a boyfriend. I remember a dark-haired boy she used to go out with. ‘I have to know,’ I ask her, taking in her jeans, her big smile, her still-perfect hair. ‘Did you marry Taffy?’ She laughs. ‘No, God, he was lovely, wasn’t he?’ She now works for an international relocation company, has been happily married to Andy for 23 years, and has two children, Alex, 21, and Francesca, 19. They lived in the US for a while, but are now back in the UK, living in Buckinghamshire. She shows me photos: Francesca is as beautiful as her mum. I tell them they are lucky to have children, that they can live vicariously through their kids, get a second chance. ‘We are,’ says Jane, ‘but having children means you never stop worrying.’ ‘And they have their own agenda,’ adds Heather. ‘They tell you, “No, Mum, I’m not doing what you want me to do.”’ We wander the halls of the school, each door we push open evoking a long-buried memory. Our first-form room, where I remember getting detention for eating crisps. Aged 11, I was convinced I’d always be young. The library, with its beautiful panelling. In here we remember Sarah Witherington, who died in the fourth form from what started out as a sore throat. Her mum never got over her death, and came to the school every day to work in the library. ‘When Sarah died, we never had any counselling,’ says Jane. ‘No one said anything. One day, she was just gone.’ We wander out to the playing field (only one remains; the other disappeared beneath a giant sports hall – how nonsensical is that?) where we YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
used to argue every lunch hour over rounders, and walk to Spanish class with Mrs Hines. ‘Oh God, she was so glamorous,’ remembers Jane. ‘She was young, she drove a sports car.’ All the other teachers were so old, so terrifying. ‘Miss Goodwin!’ shrieks Gill, remembering our hockey mistress. ‘She lost some fingers from her left hand in the Blitz, and she would grasp your shoulders with this awful pincer-like grip.’ We recall the endless, pointless country dance lessons, and the annual Miss BCHS beauty competition – it didn’t occur to me at the time to wonder how demeaning this contest was. Having wandered the grounds, bemoaning the roof on the outdoor pool – ‘the wimps!’ – we repair to a restaurant for lunch. Walking out through the gates, we are reminded of sneaking off to ‘the high street’ at lunchtime to eat chips and take off our hats, neither of which was allowed. I was always being told off for having a skirt that was too short (teachers checked the length by making us kneel), and for wearing too much make-up. Gill remembers something. ‘Wicker baskets! We all had wicker baskets!’ They were all the rage, despite the fact that if you ran half your possessions fell out. As we eat, I ask Gill what had made her so confident at school. ‘I was good at sport,’ she says, ‘so that made me popular, with other girls and with the teachers. And my parents always told me I was beautiful, that life was there to be savoured.’ All my mum ever wanted was for me to make it to adulthood without being run over. I ask them what I was like at school. ‘You were
quiet, you were good at English, and you were in love with Paul Newman.’ While all the other girls at school had boyfriends, I was about the only one who didn’t. Did I seem destined to be on my own, childless, unhappy? ‘No, you didn’t seem the most awkward,’ says Gill. ‘But neither did you seem the most likely to succeed. You were always with Karen, to be honest.’ *************** And so, a couple of months later, after a protracted series of e-mails, I get on a plane to meet Karen. She’s nervous. ‘Are you coming as a columnist for your paper, or to see me?’ she asks. ‘Well, both.’ I tell her I’ll be at the Peninsula hotel, a Hong Kong landmark, the sort of place that has you picked up from the airport in a vintage Rolls-Royce. She is still sticky about meeting me. ‘I live in flip-flops and a sarong and have a simple life,’ she types. I tell her she’ll be fine. On Saturday night, I’m in the restaurant of my hotel, the harbour at my feet, waiting for the woman who had been my best friend all through high school. I think I latched on to her on my first day because we were so alike, only she was so much better than me. She had those dark eyes, the slim figure. She was good at everything: physics, English, boys. Because I lived so far from school I would often stay over at her house in Billericay: it was modern and warm. We would go to discos together. I loved her. When she walks in, she looks lovely, just as I ➤ 45
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remembered her. We kiss, awkward, and she sits down. She raises those dark brows at my champagne and I realise how I must seem to the girls in my class: impossibly frivolous. I ask after her parents but they are both dead. We feel old. Occasionally, I see the 15-year-old girl in her when I remind her of something – a talent contest at school, when I choreographed us in a sort of Pan’s People dance to ‘Sweet Talkin’ Guy’ – and she looks up at me and laughs. I ask about the men in her life. I always knew, given she was so pretty, that she wouldn’t be alone. ‘There was Ali, during A-levels, my God he was so good looking, but when I went away to do my course [in accountancy at Plymouth; I did crappy media studies in London] he became jealous, so I ended it. Then I met Brian, my first
Liz with Karen Rouse, above, at her home on Lantau, Hong Kong. Right: Liz’s class of 75; Liz is back row, far right, Karen is on her immediate left, Gill is second row, far right. Below: Gill (left) and Liz, both aged 15
I realise how I must seem to the girls in my class: impossibly frivolous husband. That lasted three years. I worked in Liverpool for a bit, which I loved, and then went into pub management in London, which is where I met my second husband. Then I got together with Phil.’ They had three children: Lauren, 18, Mica, 16, and Luke, 15. They moved to Hong Kong when Lauren was three, and split up six months later. What went wrong? ‘He’d already been here for a while on his own, going to bars, drinking. I’d had enough. He has never supported the children.’ Then she met John, who worked for the CID. He moved out to Hong Kong to be with her, and they were together for 13 years. ‘He became the children’s dad. He was supposed to be a nice man, but I’m not sure what that means.’ Now, she works as an English teacher. I ask whether she remembers our school days fondly. ‘You and me were a bit apart from everyone else,’ she says. ‘There were the pretty girls, and the nerds, and then there was us: dark and brooding. And I remember the bullying was horrible. Michelle had a terrible time.’ Was I a bully? ‘God, no. You and I were competitive when it came to writing,’ she tells me. ‘I can still remember a poem you wrote about a child starving in India. It was amazing. I knew you’d become a writer.’ I’m staggered she remembers the poem; I can’t recall having been good at anything. ‘And you always had your face in a pony book,’ she says, ‘while I was more of a Lord of the Rings person. You were quite remote, detached, a real thinker, and I was your best friend.’ The next day, I catch two ferries to the island where Karen lives. She’s waiting for me at the harbour, two rescued dogs at her feet. We walk to YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
her house, which we can see nestling in the trees on the other side of the bay. It’s awkward between us. Our friendship is so long ago. I ask what on earth we used to talk about. ‘Films,’ she says, which surprises me. ‘Not boys?’ I remember sneaking into the X-rated Enter the Dragon when we were 15, but only because I fancied Bruce Lee. ‘No, not really. We were in awe of boys, I don’t think going to a single-sex school helped.’ I ask if she wants to meet someone new. ‘I’ve been on my own for a while now,’ she says, ‘so maybe, in time.’ After about 45 minutes, we reach her house. Her children are sitting on the terrace, overlooking the bay and the mountains behind. It is indeed all very simple, but to me, with all the accoutrements I thought went with success – a big house, a garden, things – it’s like paradise. I barely meet her son, Luke, who like most teenage boys would rather skulk in his bedroom, but her daughters are lovely. Lauren reminds me of Keira Knightley; she wants to be an actress. Mica is more like Karen: dark-eyed, wary. I ask whether Karen is strict, and they laugh. I find I get on with the girls much better than I do with Karen: we talk about new films, celebrities, night life in Hong Kong (‘It’s incredibly safe,’ says Karen. ‘I never lock the door, and Lauren can come home on the ferry at four in the morning and never be bothered’) and I realise that, unlike the other girls I meet in my quest to find out what shapes us, I haven’t grown up. I ask Karen why she thinks we lost touch, given we were so close: ‘We were doing different subjects at A-level so we weren’t as close then. And I’m quite lazy, I guess. I moved around a lot after
school, incidentally shedding memories – photos and addresses included – along the way.’ Reading through my transcripts of my time with the girls, the word that crops up most often is ‘luck’. But I wonder, now, if I wasn’t destined to be unhappy, no good at relationships (a brief, loveless marriage, no children), because that’s how I was at school. As we watch the sun go down, Karen and I sit and wonder about how far we’ve come. I tell her we were so full of hope, and here we are, alone. I tell her I can’t get over seeing her with three almost grown-up children. ‘I was never desperate to have children,’ she says. ‘It’s hard. Don’t think you’ve failed because you haven’t had kids. You always wanted a horse.’ On the ferry back to my life, I’m glad I got in touch with Karen, with all of them. I’m glad they all turned out OK. And as for me? I asked Karen what she thought I always wanted as a girl, what I was striving for. ‘It was always ponies, writing, and Paul Newman.’ Ah well. I suppose two out of three isn’t bad. y 47
MADWORLD
‘If I met Betty, I’d say,
“Leave your husband!”’ She plays the lead character’s trophy wife in the hit TV series Mad Men, but it’s January Jones who has emerged as the runaway star. Here the actress tells Benji Wilson how she cuts loose from her prim-and-proper 60s alter ego ➤ ➤ Photographs Photographs AUTUMN AUTUMN DE DE WILDE WILDE
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ICON INTERNATIONAL, REX
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s the US TV show Mad Men begins its third series, a better mum’, I don’t think she would have listened. It wouldn’t have it is finally dawning on people that the real star is not Jon Hamm’s Don seemed realistic to her. Draper, the sharp-suited 1960s advertising executive, but his wife Betty, At the end of the last series Betty had sex with a stranger in a bar. the prom dress-wearing suburban mother in meltdown. It seemed a little out of character for someone so judgmental. That’s largely thanks to the beautiful January Jones, 32. Now one I was upset by it, to be honest. It was one of the only times I went to of the hottest stars in America, January grew up in a small town in South Matthew Weiner [Mad Men’s creator] and said, ‘Why would she do this?’ Dakota; she was spotted by a model scout while out shopping and moved He said that I shouldn’t over-think it. It was just her being human. It could to New York aged 18 (‘the second aeroplane I’d ever been on’). Roles in have been the end of the world – everyone was talking about the Cuban commercials took her into acting, and she moved to Los Angeles in the late missile crisis. Betty had found out she was pregnant, she was in the city 90s, where she still lives. Having dated actor Ashton Kutcher and rocker by herself, the kids were with Don, and she was free. She had been Josh Groban, she is now taking a break from shopping when she stopped at a bar, got a little drunk, and there was a A-list beaux and is currently seeing an man and she took advantage of it. She’s a sexual unnamed lawyer from Oregon. person. I think she was just horny. And isn’t that the After nearly a decade of playing motivation for men when they do it? dumb-blonde bit parts in Hollywood – Dirty There’s a lot of drinking and smoking in Mad Men. Dancing: Havana Nights, anyone? – January Apparently Jon Hamm goes through about 74 won small roles in Love Actually and The Boat herbal cigarettes an episode. That Rocked, and has now finally found a role I go through more than that, probably. But, yeah, to call her own. We caught up with her on the we smoke a lot. We’re not allowed nicotine on set, so set of Mad Men in downtown LA. they give us these awful herbal cigarettes. You can Let’s start with the name. You’re called imagine, a lot of us are smoking in every take, and January, you were born in January… there are many takes, so you get a bit of a head rush. It’s a coincidence. It comes from a book called Maybe that’s why the show’s so good – we’re all high! Once is Not Enough by Jacqueline Susann, How has Betty’s style influenced your own? which, by the way, is not a good book. My I’m kind of a girlie girl, so I love the whole process of mum read it, and she and my dad liked how finding a dress, feeling glamorous, getting ready to January sounded with Jones. My sisters’ go out. I’m a big fan of vintage fashion, but I can’t go names are Jacey and Jina. Actually, I found and buy 50s- and 60s-style clothing now because out recently that there was an old singer people will think I’m going method! named January Jones. Richard Curtis [who What’s interesting to me is how Mad Men directed January in The Boat That Rocked and has influenced current fashion. People have been Love Actually] sent me a picture from London. dedicating their collections to the show or using it It was a poster from an old theatre and it said, as inspiration. A couple of years ago the silhouette ‘Singing tonight: January Jones.’ was quite boxy, with shapeless dresses, but now How does January Jones transform into we have a really great outline, where you see Jon Hamm and January Jones, aka Mr and Betty Draper? women’s waists, with belts and all that. I think that’s Mrs Don Draper, in the third series of Mad Men Well, wardrobe, hair and make-up help. At the great because it’s a very feminine look. Best of all, in beginning of the day I get my hair set in rollers, modern times we can edge it up and we don’t have to then I have my make-up done. After that I go back to hair and the stylist wear girdles and petticoats – thank God. puts it in that 50s ’do. Then I go and get into the girdle, the bra with the What could men today learn from men from the 60s? pointy cups, the stockings, the heels, the big dress…and I look in the mirror I think it would be great if we could bring the gentleman back. I don’t think and see Betty. My posture changes when I’m in those outfits – the girdle it’s necessarily men’s fault that they’ve lost that. Women over time have hugs your hips, so you have to stand up straight and take small steps. It’s a wanted to be independent. You know, ‘I don’t need you to open the door little bit of a cheat as an actor, really – just being dressed as Betty I’m for me. I’m a strong, independent woman, and I can juggle children and a already halfway there. career and be fine,’ so men have backed off. But we always want what we If you were transported back to 1962 and happened to bump into can’t have, so now it’s like, ‘How come he’s not opening the door for me?’ Betty, what advice would you give her? But I think it would be nice if some manners were brought back. Apart from Get out! Grow up! One of the things I find interesting about her is that that, I don’t think men have changed that much. she isn’t stupid. She’s had a college education; she’s travelled the world So, on balance, would you have preferred to live then or now? and seen a lot of things; she’s from a wealthy family in Philadelphia. So, I’d go for now. I like having the opportunities. Growing up, when I said to even though she had pressure from her mother to marry, I don’t think my parents, ‘I want to be an astronaut, I want to be a marine biologist, I we should pity her. At the end of the day, she made the decision to be want to be an actress,’ they never said no. Betty’s mother was adamant a mother and a wife – she could have chosen another path. It’s her that she become a wife and a mother. I don’t think I would have dealt with fault that it’s not turning out for her. But there was a different mind-set that very well. Go to college, meet a husband… I would’ve been one of back then. So, even if I did say to her, ‘leave your husband, there’s those girls burning their bras. y something else out there for you’, or, ‘keep going to therapy and be Mad Men is on BBC4 at 10pm on Wednesday nights, from 27 January 50
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
‘I think it would be great if we could bring the gentleman back’
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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FAMILIES
THE GOODMUM’S SET A GREAT EXAMPLE
You are your child’s most important role model and always will be, so take a close look at yourself. You’ll probably find things that you are really proud of, and a few bad habits you’d like to break. Take a few minutes each day to focus on yourself and what you want to achieve. Then do it.
Your role-model rating Add six of your own points to the following examples: ● I enjoy doing something new. ● I count my blessings. ● I sit down to eat my meals. ● I enjoy exercise. ● I know how to have fun. Now rate all the examples from 1 (I’d like to make changes) to 10 (this is where I do well). Don’t worry about a low score — it shows that you’re being honest and recognise there are areas that you need to work on.
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BE POSITIVE ABOUT DISCIPLINE
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking of discipline in negative terms, but setting boundaries is a very positive thing to do, providing a framework within which children can grow and flourish. The best way to discipline your child is by giving them positive attention. Specific praise is more powerful than general praise. If they know exactly what they have done well, they are more likely to do it again.
Golden rules for good boundaries ● Focus on one boundary
at a time (eg, limits to TV watching). ● Explain the upsides (‘I’m happy for you to watch 30 minutes a day’). ● Involve your child in the decision-making (Which programme do you really want to see? How long does it last?) as they’ll be more likely to keep to it. ● Commit to making it work. Think ABC: Always Be Consistent.
KEEP CALM
JUST LISTEN
You shout and your child shouts back. They stamp their feet and so do you. It doesn’t matter if you’re four or 40, you can still throw a tantrum. And in the same way that children throw tantrums because they’re tired or want attention, your tantrums are about your response to a difficult situation.
Every mum knows how often she says ‘I’m listening’, usually to several children and several conversations at once, ending up pleasing no one. You can’t properly listen to everything your child wants to tell you, so don’t feel guilty about it. But it’s better to spend five minutes concentrating on what they have to say than 50 when your mind is elsewhere. For that, you need to improve your listening skills.
The parent tantrum quiz In the past 24 hours, how many of the following have you done in a family context? ● Felt physically tense. ● Shouted. ● Said things you regret. ● Acted as if you were your child’s age. ● Told your child off more than you praised them. ● Issued ultimatums but didn’t carry them through. If you ticked all six, your child is in control, and constant conflict is making you feel stressed. Increase your chances of staying calm by lowering your voice instead of shouting, using time out to give you both a breathing space, and making time to relax so the tension ebbs away.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR TIME
One thing is certain: if you believe you don’t have enough time generally in your life, you will be proved right. But you can reverse the process by believing that you can find time to do what you want. Instead of talking about what you haven’t done, start talking about how you have enjoyed spending time and what you have achieved. Apply this also to time with your children.
Make time for fun ● Spend time with your
Play the listening game ● You need paper and a
pencil for you and your child and two chairs placed back to back so that you’re looking away from each other. ● Ask your child to draw a picture and describe it, then try to replicate it on your piece of paper. ● Compare pictures to see how close you are, then swap roles. It’s a great way to improve listening and communication skills.
child brainstorming a list of activities you can do together. ● Write the list on a big piece of paper and stick it up on the wall. ● Then pick one activity to do each week and put it in your diary, just as you would an appointment with the dentist. The more specific you are about the time you are going to do this, the more likely it is to happen. For example, instead of saying ‘over the weekend’, commit yourself to 2.30pm on Saturday.
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MANTRA
Say hello to a happy, stress-free family, as parent coach Lorraine Thomas reveals ten practical strategies that will make a real difference to your children’s lives (not to mention your own)
BE A GOOD MOTIVATOR
BOOST THEIR CONFIDENCE
MANAGE YOUR STRESS
GET RID OF THE GUILT
Feeling motivated is positive and energising; feeling demotivated is a negative and stressful experience. When it comes to motivating your children, you are the expert. Because you know what makes them tick, you can persuade them to do what they’d rather not, from going to bed on time to being thoughtful about other people. The secret is to help your child want to do these things; you are more powerfully motivated to achieve something that you want to do.
Can-do mums are more likely to have can-do children. What children believe about themselves when they are small will affect the rest of their lives. The limiting beliefs we have about ourselves as adults often develop out of a remark made by a person of authority when we were young. Most mums make personal remarks about their children at some point, especially in the heat of the moment (eg, ‘you’re so slow’). If you want to make a point to your child, make it about their behaviour (eg, ‘you did that too slowly’), not about their personality.
Even little ones can feel that life is full of pressure and deadlines. Handle stress well and your children will learn to do so too. You can’t control stressful events but you can control your response to them. If you want to feel less stressed, then you have to do something differently. Identify one specific area that you can work on and do things that are within your control.
Mums know all about the guilt gremlin who brings you down when you are at your most vulnerable. Guilt can take over your thoughts, stop you from fulfilling your potential, and make you spoil your child so that you feel better. All good reasons for getting shot of it.
The power of yes ● The average mum
says no between 30 and 50 times a day. If it becomes a habit, it loses its power. A good motivator says ‘yes’ more often than ‘no’. Count the number of times you say ‘no’ today. ● Be sparing with sanctions. It is always more effective to give something to your child — your time, praise or a privilege — than it is to take it away.
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The ‘I can’ plan ● Challenge your child’s negative statements (‘I can’t, I’m hopeless’) by showing them the skills they have that can help. ● Break down a difficult task into specific steps. ● Praise them when they achieve each step and encourage them to say ‘I can’.
Set priorities ● Create a pie chart,
allocating slices to the problems that cause stress (eg, housework, tiredness, picking up the children, holiday plans). ● Choose one to work on in the next 24 hours and take the first step towards tackling it (eg, if the house is a mess, ask your partner to look after the children for two hours or book a cleaner). You’ll feel better for taking action.
BE THE MUM YOU WANT TO BE The key to your success as a mum is you. Only you can do it. It’s tough, and you have to work at it on a daily basis, but you hold your children’s hands for only a short time. And you have their hearts for ever.
Think positive, take action
Write your child a love letter
● When you start to feel
Give it to your child on their birthday, read it to them, or record a CD for them. TELL THEM… ● How you felt when they were born. ● What you love most about them. ● What makes you both laugh. ● How you feel when you cuddle them. ● What you have learned from them. ● Why you feel proud of them. ● Then add your own thoughts. It’s a gift that will last a lifetime.
guilty, cuddle your child (or close your eyes and picture them) and focus on everything you love about being a mum. Say, ‘I feel good about being a mum’ and believe it. ● Identify the causes of guilt (eg, being a working mum, being too stressed to be a fun mum, your child crying when left at nursery) and put them in a pie chart. ● Identify one practical thing you can do to help reduce guilt in your chosen area (eg, make an appointment with the nursery to work out an action plan).
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This is an edited extract from The Mummy Coach by Lorraine Thomas (£9.99, Hamlyn), which will be published on 3 February. To order a copy for £9.49, plus free p&p, tel: 0845 155 0711 or visit you-bookshop.co.uk 53
CLARINSAWARD
IT TAKES DRIVE TO
CHANGE THIS Clarins and YOU have once again joined forces to find the Most Dynamisante Woman of the Year. Here, Josephine Fairley meets last year’s runner-up, Pauline Craven, who for more than a decade has been delivering much-needed supplies to the thousands of children affected by the Chernobyl disaster Photographs CHARLOTTE MURPHY 54
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ollow that van!’ Maybe we’ve watched too many movies, but who hasn’t dreamed of doing just that? When Pauline Craven decided to pursue one particular white van, in 1994, it didn’t turn into a Steve McQueen-esque chase. Perhaps even more dramatically, it ultimately led her to the Ukraine, where she has since been able to help thousands of children who are still suffering as a result of the fallout (of every kind) that followed the Chernobyl nuclear power station disaster in 1986. The slogan on the van that intrigued Pauline read: ‘Happiness is helping others – and together, we can help’. Putting her anxieties about being late for work (as an animal welfare officer) aside, Pauline turned right instead of left and, once the van had stopped, collared the driver. It transpired that he worked for the charity British Humanitarian Aid (BHA), which was at that point taking medicine and other essentials to the children of war-torn Yugoslavia. Despite the fact that the region was still being blitzed and the roads were mined, Pauline volunteered to help with the next ‘van run’ – the start of a journey that has changed
her life and those of thousands of children, and led to her being voted runner-up in last year’s YOU/Clarins Most Dynamisante Woman of the Year Award. ‘I’d had this strange feeling, watching the news, that I should be doing something in Yugoslavia to help the refugees. My daughter tried to talk me out of it: she said, “Mum, there’s a war on. You’ll go up to some soldier, give him a piece of your mind – and the next bullet will be for you.”’ Five minutes with Pauline, however, tells you all you need to know about her determination. Over the next few years, she went on to make several trips to Serbia and Croatia with BHA (though she did take a tin hat – just in case). ‘Then a video landed on BHA’s desk about the children of Chernobyl and the devastation following the explosion.’ When Chernobyl went up, 190 tonnes of radioactive graphite and uranium spewed into the atmosphere; almost 350,000 people were subsequently relocated, and around five million are still living in areas with raised levels of radiation. ‘There were thousands of young women of child-bearing age at the time of the catastrophe and most were happy to have survived the initial radiation exposure. What nobody realised was the legacy of health YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
Pauline is involved with everything from gathering donations to making the four-day journey to the Ukraine by van
MANY LIVES problems the next generation would face as a result.’ Cerebral palsy, neurological problems, cancers and leukaemia are common. ‘I’ve been told that only three in every 100 children born there are 100 per cent fit,’ explains Pauline. There was, however, one beacon of hope: a rehabilitation centre – the Revival Centre – was in the process of being established by a man known as ‘Dr P’ (due to the difficulty of pronouncing his real name: Dr Pasichnyk). By now, Pauline was familiar with the drill: make a wish list of supplies; rally the ‘troops’ (generous Essex locals near where she lived); assemble the donations, and stow them in the van for the journey. But what a journey. ‘It takes four days,’ says Pauline, who does her turn at the wheel. ‘Dover to Calais, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, turn right across Germany to Poland, on to Kiev. Then turn left towards Belarus – and Chernobyl’s roughly there.’ (The round trip is 3,360 miles.) The first shipment included building materials, sanitaryware, furniture and typewriters – everything, in fact, including the kitchen sink. When the convoy finally rolled into Chernihiv,
just 40 miles from Chernobyl – the last stretch along potholed roads where the usual form of transport is a horse and cart – Pauline was deeply moved by the plight of the damaged children. She decided to retire from animal welfare work to set up her own project, Felsted Aid, to continue to supply the centre once it opened its doors. Today, more than 3,000 children have been helped by the Unicef-recognised centre, which offers a 21-day rehabilitation programme devised by Dr P to bring about dramatic health improvements – often through something
the transformation in many of them. ‘There was one little boy with cerebral palsy who couldn’t walk the first time I met him. Three years later, he was able to walk unaided up to a microphone during a concert to recite a poem. Another little girl had been almost written off: she couldn’t talk, couldn’t walk and everyone said she was unteachable. But her granny wouldn’t give up, and got her to the centre. That girl is now 20, and is not only able to use a laptop but writes incredibly emotional, deep poetry. In general, their brains are absolutely fine,’ explains Pauline. ‘It’s their bodies that need help, but if you do that, it can completely change their lives.’ And as the slogan on the side of her own vans proclaim, ‘A child’s smile is priceless.’ There’s another happy-ever-after element to the story, too: when she met her partner, Alan Hilliar, Pauline found someone who was not just supportive emotionally of her desire to help these children, but happy to roll up his own sleeves, too. (The couple call themselves partners because ‘we’d both been married and didn’t want to do that again, thanks,’ Pauline says candidly.) Between them, they have ten grandchildren, including ➤
‘What nobody realised was the legacy of health problems the next generation would face as a result’
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as simple as the correct physiotherapy (which parents can then continue at home). Most children attend as day patients, although there’s a facility for some mothers and children from further afield to stay overnight. Some return for further treatment over a period of years. Pauline has been able to see with her own eyes
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Jennifer who is now committed to spending her gap year at the centre. ‘She’s been out twice and loves it,’ says her proud granny. Felsted Aid’s volunteer drivers include an ex-Metropolitan Policeman and someone from the anti-terrorist squad (which may make the venture sound more dangerous than it is, insists Pauline). However, getting the aid there is only half the story, notwithstanding the occasional challenge of having to unpack the van to satisfy Ukrainian Customs officers that ‘banned’ items (which include anything labelled disinfectant) aren’t being smuggled in. The charity makes three van expeditions a year, but Pauline likes to hire a larger truck to make a drop of bulkier items at least once. Before any convoy can set out, the supplies – baby milk, wheelchairs, soap, nappies, loo paper, dental supplies, clothing, toys, face masks (the Ukraine recently suffered a nasty flu epidemic) – must be sourced and stowed in the charity’s 3,000 sq ft warehouse. Soliciting donations, says Pauline, generally happens within a relatively small radius around her home in Felsted, Essex (although see below for how you can make a difference). She talks to Women’s Institutes, to schools and churches, and to the Rotary (which is hugely supportive). Pauline has enlisted the help of 56
businesses, too, from Boddingtons to Top Banana Toys and Hi-Tec sports footwear. At each event, Pauline sets out her shopping list – and one by one, donors tick off the items they’d like to pay for. ‘The convoys are made up of lots and lots of little donations,’ explains Pauline. The remaining funds (for petrol, ferries, food for the drivers, etc) are raised locally, through anything from dog shows to quiz nights and the occasional parachute jump. Simple, effective – yet it’s made a huge difference, with over £1 million-worth of aid being delivered so far. As yet, nobody knows if the health problems of this post-Chernobyl generation will continue to have a knock-on effect on their future children – but for now, there’s still a great deal of work to be done. Just what drives a woman, post-retirement-age, to keep rattling back and forth to a forsaken corner of the former USSR? ‘Insanity, probably!’ she laughs. Her partner Alan puts it differently: ‘Pauline’s just someone who won’t take no for an answer.’ But without this dynamic Essex woman, the future might well look different for the children of Chernobyl. Which – if you believe in fate – is something to remember should you ever be gripped by the urge to turn right instead of left. y To make a donation, to offer help, or to find out more, visit felstedaid.org
LAST YEAR’S WINNER Julie Perry’s amazing story really touched our judges and she was deservedly awarded the title of YOU/Clarins Most Dynamisante Woman of 2009. Julie established her one-woman charity, The Indi Project, after a holiday in Mombasa, Kenya. She was so moved by the state of a makeshift local school that she donated £150 to rebuild the collapsed palm-frond roof of its only classroom. But her involvement didn’t end there, and by organising pub quizzes and dinners back home in Cambridgeshire she raised enough to build a two-storey school, and has plans for several more. The £30,000 prize money has been spent on extra desks and chairs for the school, a staff room and additional outbuildings. Julie has also been able to fund a YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
ARE YOU OUR CLARINS MOST DYNAMISANTE WOMAN OF THE YEAR 2010?
four-month sabbatical from her job as a social worker so that she can concentrate solely on the Indi Project. This has enabled her to start working in other areas of Kenya. ‘It’s given us such a boost,’ Julie says, ‘I’m still in total disbelief that I was chosen as the winner. But it’s given the project so much credibility and really raised awareness of the work we do.’ YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
YOU and Clarins have teamed up once again to search for the Clarins Most Dynamisante Woman of the Year 2010. For the ninth year running, we are seeking to reward inspirational British women who work selflessly to help underprivileged or sick children, whether in this country or elsewhere in the world, on a professional or voluntary basis. Our 2009 winner, Julie Perry (see opposite), transformed the lives of disadvantaged children in Kenya by building a school for them, but however you help, the award offers £30,000 for your charity, which could make all the difference. Named after Clarins’ bestselling fragrance, Eau Dynamisante, the
award was founded in France in 1997. Clarins now runs the charitable initiative in 15 countries around the world and that number continues to grow. It was established by Clarins to help and honour those women who dedicate their time, energy and courage to improving the lives of children around the world. We are proud not only to celebrate these women, but also to be able to make a significant and tangible contribution to ensuring that their vital work continues. The winner will be chosen by a panel of judges including Catherine Fenton, Deputy Editor of YOU, Josephine Fairley, Contributing Editor, and Nicky Lyon-Maris,
Public Relations Director of Clarins. A short list of candidates will be interviewed on Wednesday 21 April at London’s glamorous Charlotte Street Hotel. The winner will be presented with the award at a celebration event on 16 June. HOW TO ENTER Call 0800 036 8624, leaving your name and address, and you will be sent an application form, or e-mail your details to ed.award@clarins.co.uk. When you have filled in the application form, return it to the address provided no later than 1 March. You may nominate yourself or someone else you think is deserving of the award, but all entrants must agree to their nomination.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS ENTRANTS MUST AGREE TO THEIR NOMINATION AND THEREBY AGREE TO ABIDE BY THE ENTRY RULES. ENTRANTS MUST WORK FOR A REGISTERED CHARITY. THEY WILL BE JUDGED BY THE PANEL LISTED, WHOSE DECISION IS FINAL. ENTRIES FROM NON-REGISTERED CHARITIES WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED. A MAXIMUM OF EIGHT SHORT-LISTED CANDIDATES WILL BE NOTIFIED BY 29 MARCH AND ASKED TO ATTEND AN INTERVIEW AT THE CHARLOTTE STREET HOTEL IN LONDON ON 21 APRIL. WHERE APPROPRIATE, TRAVEL EXPENSES WILL BE PROVIDED FOR CANDIDATES AND A GUEST, PLUS ONE NIGHT’S B&B ACCOMMODATION, IF REQUIRED. THE £30,000 PRIZE MONEY WILL BE PAID DIRECTLY TO THE WINNER’S CHARITY. THE WINNER WILL BE REQUIRED TO SIGN A CONTRACT ON HANDOVER OF THE MONEY AND MUST BE AVAILABLE FOR FURTHER PUBLICITY. ENTRANTS MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE AND MUST BE A RESIDENT IN THE UK OR A BRITISH CITIZEN. STANDARD MAIL ON SUNDAY RULES APPLY. EMPLOYEES OF ASSOCIATED NEWSPAPERS, CLARINS AND THEIR FAMILIES OR HOUSEHOLDS, OR ANYONE ELSE CONNECTED WITH THIS AWARD, ARE NOT ELIGIBLE TO ENTER. THERE IS NO PRIZE ALTERNATIVE. PHONE CALLS ARE FREE FROM ALL LANDLINES. SOME MOBILE PHONE NETWORK PROVIDERS MAY CHARGE FOR YOUR CALL. CONTACT YOUR MOBILE NETWORK OPERATOR FOR CHARGE RATE INFORMATION.
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LIFESTYLE CLARE NOLAN
MIND YOUR
MANORS
You don’t need a country pile to indulge in a Miss Chatelaine moment: these reworked classics will bring a touch of opulence to every home Styling ABIGAIL EDWARDS Photographs ADRIAN BRISCOE
SUPERCHARGE THE SALON GHOST WALLPAPER, £723 for a 380cm x 300cm mural, Rooms Design. CARVED MAHOGANY DRAGON MIRROR (146cm x 66cm), £2,400, Squint. GRANDE DAME SOFA, £1,999, Sofa Workshop. STAG CUSHION, £125, Pedlars. VELVET THISTLE CUSHION, £90, Timorous Beasties. DOG CUSHION COVER, £65, the Conran Shop. LUXE ART PLINTH SIDE TABLE, £115, Next. HOTEL TABLE LAMP, £99, Marks & Spencer. GILDED TWIG TEACUP AND SAUCER, £30, Yauatcha Atelier. VINTAGE BRASS PINEAPPLE CONTAINER, £65, Fears and Kahn. THISTLE RUG (300cm x 200cm), £1,920, Timorous Beasties for Christopher Farr
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YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
HEAD OF THE HOUSE GHOST WALLPAPER, £723 for a 380cm x 300cm mural, Rooms Design. On wall, from left: SILVER DEER ANTLERS ON WALNUT PLAQUE, £1,166, Eskimo Design. ALUMINIUM DEER HEADS, £75 each, Graham and Green. WOODEN STAG HEAD, £199, Marks & Spencer. STAG HEAD WALL STICKER, £24, Rockett St George. FRENCH CHEST, £2,468, Aria. BLUE PEACE VASE, £49, the Conran Shop. CONTEMPORARY CHIC BOUQUET, £39.50, Marks & Spencer. SOUP TUREEN, £115, and URN, £115, both Seletti, from Wild At Heart. For stockists, see page 65 ➤ YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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KNOW YOUR PLACE RIALTO FABRIC used as runner (W140cm), £42 a metre, Laura Ashley. WHITE AND GOLD PLATES, £24 each (Dia 27cm), Vera Wang for Wedgwood, from John Lewis. PINK PLATES, £25 each, Kühn Keramik, from Liberty. CERAMIC SPOON, £15, Hitomi Hisono for Waddesdon. NAPLES KNIFE, £29.95, and DESSERT SPOON, £21.50, both Astier de Villatte, from Liberty. GLASS TUMBLERS, £20 each, Hanne Enermark for Waddesdon
HEIRLOOMS AND GRACES FRENCH CHEST, £2,468, Aria. FAMILY CREST SIGN, £140, Box Brownie Trading. SILHOUETTE CLOCKS, £12 for two, Matalan. CERAMIC BOOK, £16 for three, Habitat
ROGUES’ GALLERY Above: GHOST WALLPAPER, £723 for a 450cm x 300cm mural, Rooms Design. UMBRA ROLLY CONSOLE TABLE, £595, Matt Carr, from Heal’s. PORCELAIN ‘FACE’ PLATES, £134 each (Dia 26cm), Fornasetti, from Aria. MISS MELAMINE GOTHIC DESSERT PLATE (top right), £26 for four assorted designs, Supernice. ALICE’S RULES PLATE, £27.50, Marie Retpen for Waddesdon. VINTAGE MARBLE HORSE BOOKENDS, £175 a pair, Fears and Kahn. GLAZED CERAMIC EXOTIC FRUIT CENTREPIECE, £59, Oliver Bonas
WORDS OF COMFORT Right: NEEDLEPOINT PILLOWS, £85 each, Jonathan Adler, from Supernice
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TIPTOP TABLE GHOST WALLPAPER, £723 for a 450cm x 300cm mural, Rooms Design. RENAISSANCE CLASSICS CARPET, £69 a square metre, Brintons. OAK VALERIE TABLE, £1,995, the Conran Shop. PAINTED WOOD SILHOUETTE CHAIRS, £250 each, Niki Jones. GLASS PENDANT LIGHTS, £210 (left) and £250 (right), both Rothschild & Bickers. On table: RIALTO FABRIC used as a runner (W140cm), £42 a metre, Laura Ashley. ELLIPSE KNIVES and FORKS, both £18.50 for four, all John Lewis. AURELIA WINE GLASSES, £45 for four, Oliver Bonas. CERAMIC URN, £115, Seletti, from Wild At Heart. CHERRY BRANDY ROSES, £49.50 for 24, Marks & Spencer. ‘A SOUPCON OF LIGHT’ CENTREPIECE, £280, Jon Male. For all other items, see opposite. For stockists, see page 65 ➤
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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STOCKISTS ARIA, tel: 020 7704 6222, ariashop.co.uk. BOX BROWNIE TRADING, tel: 07523 202201, boxbrownietrading.co.uk. BRINTONS, tel: 0800 505055, brintons.net. CHRISTOPHER FARR, tel: 020 7349 0888, christopherfarr.com. COLE & SON, tel: 020 8442 8844, cole-and-son.com. THE CONRAN SHOP, tel: 020 7589 7401, conranshop.co.uk. DE LA ESPADA, delaespada.com. DESIGNERS GUILD, tel: 020 7893 7400, designersguild.com. ESKIMO DESIGN, tel: 020 7117 0110, eskimodesign.co.uk. FEARS AND KAHN, tel: 01623 882170, fearsandkahn.co.uk. GRAHAM AND GREEN, tel: 0845 130 6622, grahamandgreen.co.uk. HABITAT, tel: 0844 499 1111, habitat.co.uk. HEAL’S, tel: 020 7636 1666, heals.co.uk. JOHN LEWIS, tel: 0845 604 9049, johnlewis.com. JOHN SANKEY, tel: 01159 462121. johnsankey.co.uk. JON MALE, tel: 0790 680 5964, studiojonmale.com. LAURA ASHLEY, tel: 0871 983 5999, lauraashley.com. LIBERTY, tel: 020 7734 1234, liberty.co.uk. MARKS & SPENCER, tel: 0845 302 1234, marksandspencer.com. MATALAN, tel: 0845 330 3330, matalan.co.uk. NEXT, tel: 0844 844 8939, next.co.uk. NIKI JONES, tel: 01419 594090, niki-jones.co.uk. OLIVER BONAS, tel: 020 8974 0110, oliverbonas.com. PEDLARS, tel: 01330 850400, pedlars.co.uk. PENGUIN, tel: 0870 607 7600, penguin.co.uk. ROCKETT ST GEORGE, tel: 020 8350 5450, rockettstgeorge.co.uk. ROOMS DESIGN, tel: 00 99 599 515151, rooms.ge. ROTHSCHILD & BICKERS, tel: 020 8418 5900, rothschildbickers.com. SOFA WORKSHOP, tel: 0844 249 9161, sofaworkshop.com. SQUINT, tel: 020 7739 9275, squintlimited.com. SUPERNICE, tel: 020 7613 3890, supernice.co.uk. TIMOROUS BEASTIES, tel: 020 7833 5010, timorousbeasties.com. WADDESDON, tel: 01296 653292, waddesdononlineshop.org. WATERSTONE’S, tel: 0845 217 2920, waterstones.com. WILD AT HEART, tel: 020 7727 3095, wildatheart.com. YAUATCHA ATELIER, tel: 020 7494 8888, yauatcha-atelier.com
PUMP UP THE VOLUME EX LIBRIS WALLPAPER (77/11041), £79 for a ten-metre roll, Cole & Son. TAILOR CHAIR, £1,400, John Sankey. CUSHION, £29.50, Marks & Spencer. KING FLOOR LAMP, £1,495, Autoban for De La Espada. Books on floor: CLOTHBOUND PENGUIN CLASSICS, £12.99 each, from a selection, Penguin and Waterstone’s. DARLY BIRCH RUG (300cm x 200cm), £895, Designers Guild
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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FOODFOOD ANGELA MASON
How easy is that? Effortless everyday dishes with no fancy cooking necessary, including a simple, juicy roast that can be the basis for another meal (or two)‌ Recipes, photographs and styling ALASTAIR HENDY
A BIRD IN THE POT AND, OPPOSITE, ON THE PLATE 66
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
POT ROAST LEMON CHICKEN WITH ROASTED ONION SALAD SERVES 4
1 x 1.5kg good-quality chicken olive oil sea salt and black pepper 1 x 25g bunch thyme 1 lemon quartered 4 medium red onions peeled and cut into quarters 1 bulb garlic separated into unpeeled cloves 200g young spinach leaves or other salad leaves
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
1 Choose a casserole that will fit the bird and onions snugly – the bird can perch on top of the vegetables. Preheat the oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. 2 Rub the chicken with 2 tbsp olive oil, salt, pepper and some of the thyme leaves pulled from their stems. 3 Put the onions and garlic in the pot with 1 tbsp olive oil, season with salt, pepper and thyme leaves as for the chicken, tumbling everything together to coat.
4 Juice two lemon quarters (set the juice aside for serving) and stick the spent lemon pieces inside the bird, along with a good tuft of thyme. Sit the bird on top of the onions and squeeze over the remaining lemon, adding the squeezed bits to the pot. 5 Roast uncovered for 30 minutes, then cover, turn the temperature down to 200C/180C fan/gas 6 and roast for a further 30 minutes or until the juices run clear. Leave to rest in the pot for 15 minutes before carving. To serve Toss the onions and garlic with the salad leaves, some of the pot juices and reserved lemon juice, and serve with the chicken. Eat with good bread. Pop the garlic from its husks as you eat. ➤
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S A I N S B U R Y ’ S QA D V E R T I S E M E N T F E A T U R E
Be good to yourself
PRAWN PRIMAVERA, less than three per cent fat
CHARLOTTE PARKER, Company Nutritionist at Sainsbury’s offers her advice on creating a healthier lunch 쎲 A nutritionally balanced lunch incorporates starchy foods (such as bread, rice, potatoes or pasta), meat, fish, eggs or beans, fruit and vegetables plus some dairy produce (milk, cheese or yoghurt). 쎲 Swap white bread for wholemeal bread or pitta. 쎲 Try and incorporate one or two of your ‘five a day’ in your lunch – perhaps one vegetable plus some fruit for dessert. 쎲 Fill sandwiches and salads with lean meats, oily fish, egg, beans, pulses or lentils. 쎲 Instead of sandwiches, try salads, using pasta, rice, couscous or new potatoes. 쎲 Increase your calcium intake with a pot of low-fat yoghurt, cottage cheese or matchbox-size portion of hard/soft cheese.
If you think enjoying a healthier, nutritionally balanced lunch means losing out on flavour, then think again…
W
hen it comes to taking a well-earned break from the frenetic pace of daily life, a delicious lunch can temporarily whisk you away from household chores, a busy job or a crazy day with the kids. But too often, in a bid to look after our wellbeing, we sacrifice the mouthwatering flavours of good food, suffering the monotony of dull ‘diet’ food. Luckily, the newly relaunched Sainsbury’s Be good to yourself range challenges all our preconceptions about healthier food: every meal is as kind to your taste buds as it is to your body. Each adheres to strict nutritional standards and is reduced fat (at least 30 per cent less than standard) or less than three per cent fat. That means you can be guilt free and enjoy delicious Be good to yourself cottage cheese, for example, a versatile healthier lunchtime snack, perfect with
oatcakes and cherry tomatoes; or how about the tasty prawn primavera, pictured above, for dinner? This deceptively light pasta meal is packed with succulent king prawns, sweet peas, asparagus and broccoli on a bed of egg tagliatelle, topped with a light, creamy sauce made with a dash of wine, fish stock and herbs. They’re both so delicious, you’ll find it hard to believe you’re being good to yourself.
Something for everyone The Be good to yourself range from Sainsbury’s is full of ideas for quick, delicious, nutritious meals.
Be good to yourself prawn primavera (pictured above) £2.99 400g (£7.48/kg)
Be good to yourself cottage cheese 65p for 250g (£2.60/kg), with an improved creamier recipe – and still less than 3% fat
CHICKEN DINNER PASTA SOUP SERVES 4
1 onion peeled and finely chopped 1 stick celery finely chopped 2 cloves garlic finely chopped 2 tbsp olive oil 1.5 litres chicken stock 200g small pasta shapes such as orzo 125g fresh young greens such as spinach, kale or cabbage about 200g cooked chicken torn into pieces sea salt and black pepper
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
1 In a saucepan, fry the onion, celery and garlic in the oil until softened but not coloured, 3-4 minutes. Add the stock and pasta and simmer for 8 minutes, or until the pasta is cooked. 2 Roughly chop the greens. Stir these into the soup along with the chicken, check for seasoning, and simmer for a few minutes more or until the chicken is hot and heated through and the greens just wilted. Make it special Serve showered with freshly grated or shaved parmesan. Variation Add chopped root vegetables, such as carrot, swede and potato, and cook until almost tender before adding the pasta.
PEANUT BUTTER CHICKEN CURRY SERVES 4
1 large onion peeled and roughly chopped 3 cloves garlic peeled 2 tbsp vegetable oil 2 tbsp curry paste such as balti or madras 4 tbsp whole nut crunchy peanut butter 1 tbsp tomato purée 1 x 200g can chopped tomatoes 1 tbsp sultanas 1 x 400g can coconut milk 600ml chicken stock about 400g cooked chicken shredded
1 Put the onion and garlic in a processor and chop until almost mushy. In a wok or deep sauté pan, heat the oil and fry the onion mixture until it starts to brown, then stir in the curry paste and fry for a minute longer. 2 Stir in the peanut butter and fry until the oil begins to separate and the sauce has darkened. Stir in the tomato purée and tomatoes and cook, stirring to prevent sticking, for about 1 minute. 3 Add the sultanas, coconut milk and stock and gently simmer for about 20 minutes. Add the cooked chicken and simmer for 5 minutes more or until hot and heated through. Eat with rice. Make it special On serving, offer poppadoms, and roasted salted peanuts, sliced banana and fresh or desiccated coconut to sprinkle over. Variation Turn this Thai by using Thai red curry paste, omitting the tomato and sultanas, and adding 1 tbsp fish sauce and the juice of 1 lime. Serve with fresh coriander and shredded spring onion. ➤ 69
BANANA AND CUSTARD TART SERVES 4-6
1 vanilla pod 300ml milk 150ml double cream plus extra for serving 3 medium egg yolks 80g caster sugar plus extra for sprinkling 30g plain flour 20g cornflour butter for greasing 1 x 425g pack bought puff pastry such as Jus-Rol 3-4 bananas halved lengthways squeeze of lemon maple syrup to serve
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
1 Split the vanilla pod and scrape the seeds into a pan with the milk and cream. Add the pod itself, bring to a boil, remove from the heat then discard the vanilla pod. 2 Beat together the egg yolks, sugar and flours to a thick paste. Slowly whisk the hot vanilla milk into the egg mixture to beat out any lumps. Put the custard back into the milk pan and cook very gently, continuing to whisk, for about 1 minute, but don’t let it boil. You will have a thick custard. Remove from the heat and allow to cool for 20 minutes. 3 Have ready a buttered baking sheet about 30cm x 30cm. Preheat the oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Unroll the pack of puff pastry. Use one
sheet (about 28cm x 22cm) for the tart, reserving the other for another time. Spread the custard over the pastry, leaving a 1cm border. 4 Lay the banana halves on top, brush with lemon juice and sprinkle with sugar. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until puffed up and golden. Brush and dribble with maple syrup and serve – with double cream, if liked. Make it special Serve the tart whole on a chopping board lined with kitchen paper, as if straight from the oven. Cheat Use ready-made custard instead of making your own and, if it is a little runny, lift the edges of the pastry and pinch together the corners to contain it. ➤
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TIRAMISU SERVES 8
2 medium eggs separated 2 tbsp caster sugar 1 x 500g tub mascarpone 200ml double cream 300ml extra strong good coffee cooled 6 tbsp coffee liqueur 1 x 175g packet dry sponge finger biscuits cocoa powder for dusting
BAKED PEARS SERVES 4
4 pears such as williams 4 tbsp clear honey 3 tbsp brown sugar 1 strip each orange and lemon peel juice of half a lemon 1 vanilla pod 1 Preheat the oven to 190C/170C fan/ gas 5. Peel, halve and core the pears. (Tip: for smooth pears without peeling lines, rub with a clean tea towel after peeling.) 2 Put the honey, sugar, orange and lemon peel, lemon juice and 250ml water into a roasting tin and bring to a boil on the hob. 3 Split the vanilla pod and scrape the seeds into the tin, add the pod itself and stir through. Add the pear halves, cover with foil and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, or until tender. 4 Leave the pears to cool in their syrup. Serve with double cream, crème fraîche or yoghurt. Make it special Serve in a large white dish with the syrup poured over – the white plate will emphasise the deep gold colour of the juices. Cheat Bake the pears in bought vanilla syrup.
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
1 Using an electric hand whisk, beat the egg yolks with the sugar, then beat in the mascarpone and the cream until the mixture forms soft peaks. Whisk the egg whites to soft peaks and fold into the mascarpone mixture. 2 Mix the coffee with the coffee liqueur. One at a time, dunk half the biscuits into the coffee mixture and out, two seconds max (any longer and they will fall apart), and use to make a single layer in the base of a 2 litre rectangular dish. Drizzle over 2 tbsp coffee mixture, then smooth half of the mascarpone mixture on top.
3 Dunk and lay another layer of sponge biscuits on top of this and top with the remaining mascarpone mixture. Smooth over, dust with cocoa powder and leave to chill for a few hours in the fridge – overnight is best. Make it special For smart individual servings, as above, assemble in coffee or tea cups, placing a single layer only of 3 broken finger biscuits at the base of each cup. Variation Sprinkle with toasted nuts and/or grated dark chocolate instead of cocoa powder. y
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HEALTH NOTES
THE SOURCE OF A BETTER LIFE nless you’re Superwoman, you’re liable to be feeling a bit short on energy just now. I’m very impressed by a new book called The Source, subtitled Unlock Your Natural Energy, Revitalize Your Health and Change Your Life. The author is Dr Woodson Merrell, chairman of the Department of Integrative Medicine at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York, whose celebrity patients include Cindy Crawford, Donna Karan and Richard Gere. Since we can’t all rush to his door, this is his way of offering his wisdom and expertise to everyone. The book includes a 21-day plan for optimum energy and you’ll be able to follow the key elements, including daily menu ideas, in an exclusive two-week serialisation in YOU beginning next Sunday. For now, I asked Dr Merrell to give me his key tips to start you off: Breathe in energy Practise this energy-generating deep-breathing exercise at least twice a day. Remember: breathe in positive thoughts, breathe out negative ones. Inhale slowly and deeply, right down into your abdomen to a count of four. Pause, holding in this fresh oxygen, for one count. Exhale slowly (allow your abdomen to contract) to the count of six. Pause for one count and repeat three more times. Sleep more Aim for seven hours’ restful sleep nightly. If you wake and can’t get back to sleep, latch on to any image or feeling from the dream you were just having so your mind can drift back into the dream rather than conscious thinking (worrying) mode. If you can’t remember anything, try the breathing exercise above. Take social exercise Walk briskly with a friend for 30 minutes – and practise conversational aerobics! When you’re breathing faster from the exertion and you can still converse with your friend, you’re likely to be within your energy-creating heart rate. Meditate Start your day with a morning mantra. Before you get out of bed, take two minutes to calm
U
your mind. Sit up straight, do the deep-breathing exercise, focusing either on the sound of your breath or an affirmative word or image. When thoughts of your day come into your consciousness, acknowledge them and invite them to leave so you can enjoy this peaceful state. Reach out to others Plan a communal meal for friends, family and neighbours; you’re putting your positive energy into making others feel part of a greater collective energy. Cultivate forgiveness Holding inner resentment creates a negative energy cycle. The act of forgiving, either silently or openly and directly, can be incredibly liberating and energising. Start a stress log and a happy diary Every evening write down the three most stressful moments of your day – eg, a difficult encounter, upsetting thoughts, horrendous traffic. Note the time and place and what happened. Rate the stress on a scale of one to six, and give yourself a grade for how you coped. Now let it go. Then list three things that have made you happy during the day, rating them on how joyful and/or positive they made you feel. Manage stress Try a biofeedback device (such as HeartMath emWave PC Stress Relief System from Victoria Health, see above right, or Resp-e-rate, from resperate.co.uk) that employs sensors usually attached to your fingertips to check your stress and relaxation responses. [This may sound complicated for the non-techies, but it’s really simple – and fascinating.] Supplement your diet Ayurvedic ashwagandha is a powerful balancing tonic, which reduces the effects of stress while stimulating the processes that enhance energy production. (Try Ashwagandha by Pukka Herbs, two capsules up to three times daily, £15.35 for 90, from Victoria Health.) Convincing studies suggest that resveratrol (a compound extracted from grape skins and found in wine) can increase the production of mitochondrial energy factories in your cells – and even help with weight management. (Try Resveratrol Life Tonic by LifeTime Vitamins, 30ml-90ml daily, £19.95 for 960ml, from Victoria Health.)
WEBSITE OF THE WEEK MACMILLAN.ORG.UK Macmillan Cancer Support’s Cancertalk Week, from tomorrow to 23 January, is encouraging men to talk about cancer and any symptoms they are worried about. For help and advice, visit this website, or freephone 0808 808 0000.
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
SARAH STACEY
E-mail Sarah at s.stacey@you.co.uk Sarah reads all your e-mails but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally
All products mentioned, unless otherwise specified, are available by mail order from Victoria Health, tel: 0800 389 8195, victoriahealth.com
Illustration NILA AYE
GET YOUR MITTS ON THIS Testers for my new book Beauty Bible Beauty Steals – co-written with Jo Fairley – raved about Yes To Carrots Pampering Hand & Nail Spa, which features dead sea salt and almond oil and is brilliant for parched winter hands. Recently a friend e-mailed me saying: ‘My hands were unbelievably soft afterwards – they looked ten years younger, and my boyfriend couldn’t stop stroking them.’ So you need to know! £9.99 for 250ml, from Victoria Health, see above. 75
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body talk JUDI JAMES
GET KNOTTED, WYCLEF mm. Tie-straightening is a very interesting gesture, especially if it’s a globetrotting, mixer-with-worldleaders rock star tugging at the knot of a fellow warbler slap-bang in front of the press on the red carpet. On the one hand it’s submissive in a servant-ish way, with BONO larking about by playing Jeeves to WYCLEF JEAN’s Bertie Wooster. On the other hand (and we may need more than two hands to define this drop of body-language signalling), it has to be noted that a guy’s tie is a status-riddled item of clothing, meaning this gesture probably works on a deeper, alpha-challenge level. On the third hand (keep up!), it forms the kind of public checking/grooming ritual that a mummy will do for her small son as she leaves him at the school gates, making it an affectionate but also faintly demeaning, status-lowering gesture as well. So, Bono could be being submissive, dominant or even sexually challenging. Then we have the fact that it looks as though Bono has appeared sans tie, meaning he could be having a gentle dig at Wyclef for being a tad formal, in the way that office workers get ribbed by colleagues when they turn up to work more booted and suited than usual. Friendly dig or not, it’s interesting that Wyclef has subliminally risen to the challenge by part-mimicking the pose, even though Bono has no visible neckwear to adjust. His smile says he gets the joke, but his raised arms suggest it has its limits too. 78
YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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ENTRIES WIN £25 EACH. SEND YOUR ENTRIES TO YOU CROSSWORD No 1,161, PO BOX 3451, NORWICH NR7 7NR. CLOSING DATE IS THURSDAY 28 JANUARY. WINNERS WILL BE NOTIFIED BY POST. SOLUTION IN TWO WEEKS.
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NAME ........................................................................................... ADDRESS ................................................................................... .......................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................... ..........................................................................................................
ACROSS 6 Spring that discharges hot water and steam (6) 8 Reclaim, reaffirm (8) 10 Memory aid (8) 11 Detour, ring road (6) 12 Lecture, address (6) 13 Type of duck that yields a down used in the quilt named after it (5) 15 Lettuce you might associate with Titanic? (7) 17 (and 23 across) 7 down’s best-known play (7,3,5) 19 Scrounge (5) 20 Perceive (6) 22 Contemporary, cutting edge – like YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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when it was first performed (6) 23 See 17 across 24 Throw away, abandon (8) 25 Overthrown, unseated (6)
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human condition as insignificant or absurd in a bleak universe (6,7) Irrational (13) Short, usually amusing, accounts of incidents (9) Discourtesy (8) Complaining, carping (7) Confined, thin (6) Literary prize won by 7 down in 1969 (5)
1 Re-examine (9) 2 Language 20 spoken fluently by 21 7 down (6) 3 Sport 7 down played at SOLUTION TO CROSSWORD N o 1,159 first-class P S Y CHO TH E R A P I S T R A E O G P M O level (7) A I R MA I L G A TW I C K 4 Country in C D T E S L T Y T E A CH E R D Y N AMO Southeast I R R A P T C AM E O TO R N F E A R Asia (8) A W I O S E 5 Nationality L I A R E ND S T R AM P I G C A N U of 7 down (5) C A R O L S I GN I T E D 7 Late dramatist U P U T U S E I R OO S T E R T I T A N I A whose works S R O U T E N T portrayed the E N T E N T E C O R D I A L E 1
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T I M B E R C O N S E R VATO R I E S
HOROSCOPES SALLY BROMPTON
AQUARIUS
Illustration ANDREW BANNECKER
21 JAN-19 FEB With the Sun and Venus, planet of love, entering your birth sign this week, and Jupiter, planet of good fortune, moving to focus on your finances for the next few months, this is a particularly good time to be an Aquarian. It means that you can put yesterday’s setbacks well and truly behind you and look forward to a more constructive and enjoyable tomorrow. Jupiter’s transit of the money angle of your chart suggests opportunities to improve your cashflow situation in the weeks ahead, but because Jupiter is also the planet of extravagance you must be careful not to squander the fruits of your good fortune – especially as you will be in a wonderful position to help those less fortunate than yourself. You have always known that you were born to make a difference and there has seldom been a better time to prove it than now.
LIBRA 24 SEPT-23 OCT
ARIES 21 MARCH-20 APRIL
CANCER 22 JUNE-23 JULY
You will get the chance to work with other people this week and should take it. No matter how much headway you can make on your own, you will achieve a lot more working as part of a team. You’ll do even better if you direct your joint efforts towards the greater good. Working with like-minded people, you can help others to help themselves.
Try not to give too much away this week, especially when it comes to your feelings towards certain people. No matter how strong your views about what they are doing, with the celestial focus shifting into the most secretive angle of your chart, you must keep them to yourself. This is also a good time to find new ways to make ends meet.
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3440
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3443
TAURUS 21 APRIL-21 MAY
LEO 24 JULY-23 AUG
The time has come to prove that you are more than a contender when it comes to your long-term goals. With both the Sun and your creative ruler Venus entering the career area of your chart you can, and must, get serious about your ambitions. Following your instincts may have worked so far, but now you must use your head as well.
The Sun, your ruler, and Venus, planet of affection, both move to focus on your relationships this week making this a good time to do things with and for other people, particularly partners and loved ones. Just spending a bit more time with those you care for will be hugely rewarding. It will remind you of what has been missing from your life.
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3450
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3441
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3444
PISCES 20 FEB-20 MARCH
GEMINI 22 MAY-21 JUNE
VIRGO 24 AUG-23 SEPT
You are entering a more reflective phase and after all the activity of recent weeks you will probably welcome it. The Sun in the most introspective area of your chart from Wednesday will encourage you to think more deeply, but with confident Jupiter moving into your birth sign your thoughts will be highly positive. Dare to dream.
Major cosmic activity in the most adventurous angle of your chart makes this the perfect time to take a break from work. If that’s just not possible at such short notice, the next best thing is to indulge in some armchair escapism. A good book or DVD that carries you off into a different world is a great distraction. It’s good to dream.
It is time to get serious about your wellbeing. You’ve put yourself under too much pressure for too long and need to slow down and take things a bit more easily. Work is important, but so is your health, and you need to find some kind of realistic compromise. At the end of the day you are unlikely to berate yourself for not working harder.
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3451
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3442
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3445
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Whatever problems you have been wrestling with lately will melt into insignificance now that the Sun and your ruling planet Venus are moving into the most creative, romantic and pleasurable area of your chart. It is your chance to do something special, something you will feel proud of, something you can enjoy. Begin it now.
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3446
SCORPIO 24 OCT-22 NOV Despite one or two problems on the domestic front that need to be ironed out, the long-term outlook is extremely good. With success planet Jupiter transiting one of the best areas of your chart for the next few months, you can achieve great things, and enjoy yourself too. Sort out the problems first and then prepare to have fun.
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3447
SAGITTARIUS 23 NOV-21 DEC You are normally pretty easy-going, but this week’s celestial activity will bring out the rebel in you and you will delight in doing the opposite to whatever anyone tells you to do. Enjoy it while you can because the cosmic setup suggests that you will need to be more responsible in the weeks ahead, especially on the domestic front. Balance in all things.
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3448
CAPRICORN 22 DEC-20 JAN You will start thinking more about your assets and circumstances in the days ahead and, some might say, about time too. With the Sun moving into the financial area of your chart you will need to get serious about what you earn and what you own. It’s not the end of the world, just the start of a phase of sensible planning for the future.
For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3449 YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
YOUR PROBLEMS ANSWERED ZELDA WEST-MEADS
MY LACK OF SELF-ESTEEM IS GETTING ME DOWN
Illustration MARTIN WELCH
WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO MOVE ON? While working abroad I fell in love with a colleague. I didn’t say anything until she was about to return to the UK. She felt the same way. We had the most incredible sex ever. When she returned to the UK, I offered to quit my job and move to where she lived. But she told me that her feelings had changed and it had been like a holiday romance, when emotions are greatly magnified. She is now in a happy and committed relationship. But I still love her. Now, if I am attracted to someone, I close up and don’t act on it. Even if I get married I will always know in my heart that she was the one I really wanted. There are several reasons stopping you from moving on. Stop telling yourself that she was ‘the one’. It was only a brief affair; don’t idolise her at the expense of future relationships. When you meet a girl you like, act on it and ask her out. You can’t spend the rest of your life resisting relationships in case YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
you get hurt. Don’t compare every potential girlfriend with her; enjoy things that are special about the new one. Finally, don’t hold on to the dream that somehow you will end up together. Get out there and meet someone new.
MY EX IS STILL TORMENTING US After ten years of mental, physical and financial abuse, I divorced my husband. He has been terrible to me over the past five years and this extends to the children. Once, he refused to let them return home and sent them to a new school, stating that I had run off and left them. I had to go to court, and my youngest still has nightmares about it. Last week he threatened our eldest daughter, saying if she didn’t bring their passports she would never see me again. He frightened both his daughters and they don’t want to see him. My eldest is old enough to say she won’t go and my sevenyear-old doesn’t want to, especially without her sister. Why does he want their
passports? If you feel they are in any danger, then access to his children may need to be in the safety of Child Contact Centres (naccc.org.uk). He is bullying and frightening his children, and that is far from loving. The Children’s Act says that children’s wishes have to be taken into account. Teenagers can’t really be forced to see the other parent. When one parent is very angry after a divorce, they are often so caught up in their own needs that they forget the needs of the children. The children then end up as pawns, which can cause long-term damage. You and your ex-husband could try mediation (contact nfm.org.uk for information about local services) to see if this can be resolved. A trained mediator could see your daughters in private and listen to their views. You must take legal advice.
with anyone. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this. Is it too late for change? I guess it’s the embarrassment factor which is preventing your husband from seeking help. It’s not too late to change, but it would help to identify the reasons for non-consummation. Does your husband have difficulty maintaining an erection? Is he phobic about penetration, but can’t admit it? Are you anxious? If so, then the muscles of the vagina could be contracting involuntarily. That makes full sex difficult, but it is treatable. If any of these are the case, consider psychosexual therapy with Relate (tel: 0300 100 1234, relate.org.uk). If it is just lack of experience, then I recommend you read The New Joy of Sex by Susan Quilliam and Alex Comfort (Mitchell Beazley, £18.99*).
AM I DOOMED TO A SEXLESS MARRIAGE?
CONTACT ZELDA
After many years of marriage we have not had full sex. We were both very naive on our wedding day and our sex life is limited to masturbation. My husband refuses to discuss this
If you have a problem,
write to Zelda at YOU, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS, e-mail z.west-meads@you.co.uk Zelda reads all your letters but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally
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I am a senior manager and one man in my team is extremely talented, intelligent, funny and popular and I enjoy working with him. However, he never asks for help and is totally self-assured. I take this, perhaps mistakenly, as rejection. All my life I have had problems with confidence. My parents did not believe in praising children, and my husband never gives praise and can be very critical. I always praise my team and I have been told that I am a good, caring manager, although I worry that I am not offering enough to them. My own manager is so busy that she rarely has time for anyone, but, even though she has consistently given me high grades in my appraisals, I still doubt my own abilities. Lack of self-esteem is not something you are born with, but something you acquire, starting in childhood. This is particularly so for children whose parents never praise them or are critical of them. Because of this, it is hard to really value yourself, and more difficult to believe that other people value you. Your husband has not helped your fragile self-esteem. The man in your team probably grew up being constantly praised. But you can change and become someone you like and find that others feel the same way too. You are doing a great job and you are a caring person. Have counselling with bacp.co.uk to work on your self-esteem: try reading The Self-Esteem Journal by Alison Waines (Sheldon Press, £7.99*).
LIZMY JONES’S DIARY DIARY
IN WHICH I THINK I MUST BE CURSED he next day, having been spared a night on the pavement by my agent, who turned up and paid my hotel bill, the vet called me with the autopsy results. ‘I’m afraid she died of a twisted gut. Part of her intestine was dead,’ he said. I know that horses can get a twisted gut when they have colic, and I asked him if she had eaten too much, or too little. ‘There was no impacted food, so it was not because of her diet. Your management sounds perfect, so I can only think she rolled and then this happened. It’s more common than you might think. I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘It must have been a shock.’ He wondered what I wanted to do with her body, and so I asked him for a private cremation so that she wouldn’t be muddled up with anyone else. I asked how long she would have taken to die. ‘Once the gut dies, her body would have been flooded with toxins. She would have been out of it quickly.’ After she had been taken away, I stood in the stable. The straw bed, which had been thick, with high banks around the edges to stop her getting cast, which is what happens when a horse rolls too close to a wall, and is then unable to get up, was ground to dust. There were scrape marks from her hoofs on the walls. I can only imagine she rolled and rolled, desperately scrabbling at the walls in pain. While I slept indoors. Why had I not sensed she needed me, and got up and done something? While very few horses survive a twisted gut, at least I could have given her painkillers, comforted her, been with her when she died. The other horses think what happened is my fault. Whenever I go near Lizzie, she puts her ears back, and tries to bite me. I am unable even to check her rug. On the first night, when I gave the horses their supper, I tried to get Benji to go in the stable Boh died in so he didn’t steal the others’ feed, but he refused to go in. This is a pony who would do anything, go anywhere for food. I have now shut
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the top half of the stable door; I don’t think I’ll be able to use it again. I’m beginning to believe that I’m cursed. Nothing seems to be going right. I used to have such a normal, carefree life before I moved to the West Country (well, sort of, apart from my husband) and now – now I feel life is not worth living. I cry, all the time. I picture Boh’s beautiful face, and I feel I let her down. I miss London with a deep, longing ache in the middle of my soul. People always say it is unfriendly, anonymous, but it’s not. It’s accepting of anyone who wants to work hard. But I still try to fit in, now that I am here, and unable to move because I buried Snoopy in the garden. A friend came down to see me at the weekend, and so I thought, why not show her all that Exmoor has to offer? I booked a safari with a local, family-run firm. Come Saturday morning, we met the guide in the car park of the Bridge pub. It was a perfect morning: sunny, with frost on all the trees and snow in the air. We bumped along in a Land Rover, deep into the forest. We saw a herd of deer, a hen harrier, a herd of wild ponies, and a weasel. I started to believe that I had, in fact, made the right decision. That there is no more beautiful place on earth. And then the guide said, ‘This is where the journalist Rachel Johnson lives.’ Hmm, I thought, this is where she lives at weekends, when she’s not hanging out in her normal habitat of Notting Hill. ‘We love her down here,’ the guide said. ‘Unlike that awful other one, Liz Jones. She has upset so many local people.’ I sank down in my seat, annoyed I had spent £125 on this woman trying to get to know the moor, supporting yet another local business. I have become an anecdote to tell tourists. What with losing Boh, and then this, I am seriously considering moving back to London. Sod them. Sod them all. E-mail Liz at lizjones@you.co.uk
It was a perfect morning: sunny with frost on the trees. We saw a herd of deer and a weasel. Then the guide said: ‘We don’t like that awful Liz Jones down here’
Illustration BEE MURPHY
DEMENTED DEMENTED YF FLLE EM MIIN NG G JJ AA CCKKY
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YOU 17 JANUARY 2010
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