Understanding Effective Parenting

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Eph. 2:10 (NIV)

By Rev Peter Koh

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences of our life, but it can also swing to the opposite spectrum if we are not prepared. Most first-time parents tend to take parenting lightly, thinking that they will know exactly what to do when the child comes.

We forget that all we know about parenting is the way we were parented rightly or wrongly by our parents. To make matter more confusing for the child and frustrating for us, our parenting style usually differs from our spouse, hence the straining of relationships in the family begins.

I believe that having a vibrant and loving family hinges on the parent’s ability to lead or parent their children rightly. To be a good parent, you need to know the various stages of parenting in relation to their developments as they age. According to Gary & Marie Ezzo, authors of Growing Kids God’s Way, there are four phases of parenting.

Let’s begin by asking ourselves, “What is the primary goal of parenting?”

The primary goal as a parent is to establish our right to lead these little lives. We need to understand that at this age, the child’s mind is not fully developed, or unable to rationalize many things in this world. At this age, action precedes belief. They do not know what is good or bad, right or wrong, safe or dangerous. That is to say, a consistent “signal” must be sent to communicate what is right and wrong to the child, either through firm verbal or physical communication.

The (parental) leadership is not oppressive but authoritative. It is the phase of tight boundaries, not unlimited freedom; boundaries that will give way to freedom as the child demonstrates responsible behaviours. The aim is to gain control of the child so parents can effectively train him or her.

The next phase as the child grows older, is training. The child is now able to comprehend or rationalize

1. Discipline (Birth to 5 years)

2. Training (Ages 6 to 12)

3. Coaching (Ages 13 to 17)

4. Friendship (Age 17 onwards)

PHASE 01

DISCIPLINE

PHASE 02

TRAINING

things better. Like sports, a trainer works with an athlete each day in different settings, going through drills and exercises. He can stop the player at any time and make immediate corrections, explaining the reasons and showing him or her what to do and how to do it.

Similarly, training our children in this phase follows the same concept. Our children are not yet in the real game of life; they are only in “practice sessions”. We are to intentionally disciple, teach and equip our children with values and principles to prepare them for life ahead.

At this stage, our children are more independent and are in the game of life for themselves.

Like a sports coach, parents can only watch from the sidelines and huddle during time-outs. We can no longer stop the game at our whim and fancy to show them how it is played. Often they have to call the shots themselves and move forward – children now have to make decisions on their own. How well they play the game of life depends on how well we have coached them. Finally, the relational goal of parenting is friendship with our children. Although the parentchild relationship does not cease, both parent and child enter into a new season of life. Just like it was with Jesus and His disciples, it should also be with our children – a discipleship relationship culminating in friendship.

PHASE 03

COACHING

PHASE 04

FRIENDSHIP

CONCLUSION

In closing, I am reminded that the heart of a godly family life is relationships – beginning with God, and then with people, which is the Great Commandment spelled out in Matthew 22:37-39. This is God’s original intention.

May we be known as a church and family of Oneness because we are One Family!

Rev Peter Koh oversees several ministries at Faith, including Small Groups, Baptism & Membership, FaithWalk, and Marriage Preparation. He enjoys spending time with his wife, Jenny, and their two adult children.

Learn about serving our church, our community and the regions beyond through the ministries in Faith’s Ministries!

Synopsis The session expounds the biblical and theological foundation of stewardship and spiritual gifts with emphasis on serving in ministry. Individual spiritual gift assessment will be conducted to allow you to discover your own spiritual gifts and find a match in the Ministries you wish to serve. A preview of the

Ministries and volunteer management of Faith will be explored to allow individuals and Small Groups to better understand and start serving at Faith! Learning Outcomes

At the end of the lesson, you will be able to: 1. Know and articulate what the Bible says about the ministry of serving. 2. Discover and practice your spiritual gifts to serve in ministry. 3. Understand and journey through the ministry-volunteer management process of Faith.

Target Audience

• Small Groups (Adults, Young Adults and TTB) • Potential Trainers • Individuals

Duration/Frequency

Two sessions (1.5 hours each) or One session (3 hours)

Format

• Conducted in a Small Group setting • Small Groups to sign-up together • Individual sign-ups welcome!

Contact Person

Email Godiva Ysip at godivaysip@faithmc.sg to sign up today!

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