8
DEEPER IN CHRIST
Understanding Effective Parenting
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Eph. 2:10 (NIV) By Rev Peter Koh
Being a parent is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences of our life, but it can also swing to the opposite spectrum if we are not prepared. Most first-time parents tend to take parenting lightly, thinking that they will know exactly what to do when the child comes.
1. Discipline (Birth to 5 years) 2. Training (Ages 6 to 12) 3. Coaching (Ages 13 to 17)
We forget that all we know about parenting is the way we were parented rightly or wrongly by our parents. To make matter more confusing for the child and frustrating for us, our parenting style usually differs from our spouse, hence the straining of relationships in the family begins. I believe that having a vibrant and loving family hinges on the parent’s ability to lead or parent their children rightly. To be a good parent, you need to know the various stages of parenting in relation to their developments as they age. According to Gary & Marie Ezzo, authors of Growing Kids God’s Way, there are four phases of parenting.
JULY 2018 . FAITHLINK
4. Friendship (Age 17 onwards)
PHASE
01
DISCIPLINE
Let’s begin by asking ourselves, “What is the primary goal of parenting?” The primary goal as a parent is to establish our right to lead these little lives. We need to understand that at this
age, the child’s mind is not fully developed, or unable to rationalize many things in this world. At this age, action precedes belief. They do not know what is good or bad, right or wrong, safe or dangerous. That is to say, a consistent “signal” must be sent to communicate what is right and wrong to the child, either through firm verbal or physical communication. The (parental) leadership is not oppressive but authoritative. It is the phase of tight boundaries, not unlimited freedom; boundaries that will give way to freedom as the child demonstrates responsible behaviours. The aim is to gain control of the child so parents can effectively train him or her.
PHASE
02
TRAINING
The next phase as the child grows older, is training. The child is now able to comprehend or rationalize
