A Matter of Principle: The Gift of Compassion

By Qarol Price

The Yuletide is almost upon us! And with it comes the perennial debate about commercialism. As Scrooge described it, Christmas is “a time for buying things for which you have no need. Bah! Humbug!” But I must respectfully disagree.

To me, Christmas is a time for celebrating our children because they are great gifts for us parents. In a sense, all our children are the Christ child, little packages of potential born to change and improve the world. You and I are the wise men who welcome our children by showering them with gifts.

It may be less than obvious, although still true, that discipline is no less a gift to our kids than toys, clothes and candy — though usually it’s one they wish they could take to the “Returns” counter.

Just withhold discipline and see how they turn out. Then it will become quite clear to you that discipline was just about the best present you could have put under the tree.

But even beyond the reach of nurturing parents, discipline is administered to each of us by every event we experience every day. Especially the setbacks and “blows of fate.” The ancient Stoics taught that, rather than griping, grousing and cursing, we ought, if we are smart, to see “negative” events as challenges, and opportunities to build up our virtue muscles.

Were such adversities sent to us by God, or did they just happen? Doesn’t make any difference. In either case the crucial choice is up to you what to make of them. You might as well use them to improve your character, right?

I have come to believe that when we behold adults acting badly, even criminally, what we are really seeing is “naughty” children who never grew up emotionally, in judgment. They don’t really know what they are doing.

They haven’t learned that respecting the good of others ultimately ends up benefiting them too. I have to suspect that such individuals were never given the most important gift they required: discipline.

Several years ago, my husband happened to spot a work detail of prisoners from the nearby correctional facility. It was a brutally hot day, and they were busy cleaning up our street under the watchful eyes of uniformed prison guards. It suddenly occurred to Bob to grab a bunch of Cokes out of the fridge and offer them to the sweating cons. The men gladly received them as Bob thanked each one for the service they were doing.

What he was really giving them was the gift of respect, a gift he figured they had not received in a long time. Who knew? Maybe it would make a little difference.

People who have earned their place on Santa's "Naughty" list still need a gift from you: the gift of unearned compassion. It may be just what they need to switch over to the "nice" list

Qarol Price is a writer and educator. She has taught philosophy to children in Johnston County Public Schools and in Harlem. She is a resident of Selma.