Content of Character: Feelings and Fairness

By QAROL PRICE

What does it mean to be fair?

It’s interesting when you pose this question to kindergarteners, as I had done in the ‘80s as a philosophy teacher in Harlem, and then more recently, in two elementary schools in Johnston County. Judging from their very passionate and astute participation in class, it would seem that children are born with a keen sense for fairness.

The children, kindergarteners and fifth graders alike, had strong opinions about what is fair and cared deeply about playing by the rules and doing what is right. Feelings have a lot to do with how they formulate their opinions, which I believe is a good instinct.

While feelings alone may not determine what is fair, they do seem to act as an internal guidance system for correct action. We might say that feelings put the compass in the term “moral compass.” But feelings aren’t all there is to it. Reason needs to temper their sometimes flighty nature.

I was tickled by a particular discussion with students in a kindergarten class at West Smithfield Elementary. The children were asked to talk about whether it was fair that six people having dessert together would be served different sized slices of cake. At first there were groans and hollers of protest. It couldn’t be fair unless all pieces were equal!

But by the time we finished, the children had come up with several reasons equal slices might not be fair! “What if someone has diabetes, should they have as much cake as those who do not?” “Is it unfair to give a dad a bigger slice than the baby?” Brilliant! They were entertaining the thought that there might be more to fairness than making everything equal.

Hopefully, we are careful to balance our feelings with reason when it comes to determining matters of fairness. Consider the popular social practice of the “Everyone

Gets a Trophy” ethic adopted by many communities for children’s sports teams, talent and academic “competitions.” In this case, the “slices” are cut all the same regardless of the quality of the performance.

The guiding principle here is to protect children from feelings of disappointment without regard for the devaluing of excellence on the one hand and committing “merit inflation” on the other. Feelings run amok here as the adults cannot bear for the children to have any hurt feelings about losing.

Meanwhile, is reason shirking its duty? Why not have them learn to lose

gracefully? Children may then develop the virtues of resiliency and being a good sport for starters, not to mention that the trophies may be considered dishonest. It seems to me that what is fair should also be wise.

Mine is not the last word. These matters should be entertained and discussed locally to gain clarity and perspective. It is crucial that communities understand the moral influences on their children. Whether we are mindful of the fact or not, we all exert moral influence upon everyone we encounter.

Qarol Price is a writer and educator. She has taught philosophy to children in Johnston County Public Schools and in Harlem in New York City. She is a resident of Selma.