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Table of Contents
Part 1 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Purpose Love (Intro) Making your Move Getting Closer The Moment
Part 2 1. 2. 3. 4.
Unrequited Love Friend Zone Tragic Relationship Moving On
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Part 1
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Purpose When first given the task to do a personal project, I wondered about what kind of projects I could do. The idea of making a book finally came to me; however it wasn’t a book on love. Only later on did I begin to realize that love is a topic everyone can easily relate to. I wanted to write a book that could influence at least one person’s point of view on the subject, which is love. The book itself is sort of a different representative of love and how it is viewed in different perspectives. These
perspectives
include:
Psychological,
relationships and how love is seen from other people. The book itself will also analyze several steps of a relationship and will offer advice to people who read it. I basically created this book to help people achieve a different understanding of love when compared to before.
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I hope that this book will provide a unique take on the subject and will essentially give a different opinion on love when compared to the public.
What’s Love? Love is an essential part of everyone’s life, no matter who you are. Now, we ask ourselves the question, “What is Love?” No one can explain it definitely and even if they do, each person will have a different explanation. Some people say that when you are in a relationship, that is what you call love. Other people say that the care your parents give to you, that is what you call love. Every person’s definition of the topic is based on their own perspectives and because every person has different perspectives, the way they view it is also influenced. The love I will be focusing on in this guidebook is the love between a couple and their relationship. I will be
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discussing several tips that can help you in a relationship, and a deeper explanation about special cases in love. As you grow older, you start to find that you are attracted to other people. You will be thinking about them all day long and you start to wonder if they are also thinking about you. This is someone you’d like to know more about and the one you really want to get along with. These are some parts of being in love. I am sure everyone has felt this way before as it happens naturally. When you are in love, everything is beautiful and life is good. In your mind, everything around you seems so much better, simply because that person exists in your life. You might even catch yourself suddenly smiling when you think about them. All you want to do is smile all day and stay happy. This is what being in love means. Just thinking about that other person
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existing or that other person being alive makes us so happy. Now, the first step of being in a relationship is how to start it. In starting a relationship, making your move is very important, as it will determine the future of the relationship. This is the first step to begin the relationship.
Making your Move Making moves are very important, because it’s the most reasonable thing you can do, since whenever you have felt a strong feeling about someone, you will think about what you can do to get closer. This is the process of making your move. The hardest part of making your move is deciding on how to do it. Each person has a different approach to this process. The tips I wrote down might not be applicable to both guys and girls because a girl and a boy have different
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ways of making their move. This is because a guy is more likely to approach the girl then a girl is to approach a guy. I will be compiling some tips and my own opinion on the topic. Here are some examples of ways on making your move: 1) Just approach them: People often overthink these kinds of things and overlook simple things you can do to get closer towards their crush. If this is your first time, just try talking to them. Make simple conversation and see whether or not they are compatible with you. They might even have the same likes and dislikes as you. Basically, don’t overthink it and just do it.
2) Chat with them: One of the simplest things you can do is to talk to them and if you’re not brave enough, chat with them. With tools like BBM, chatting becomes so much easier. Just say hi to them and make small talk. Ask them about 8
their day; ask them about today’s homework, anything basically. Just make sure you don’t make it seem like you are forcing them to chat with you.
3) Be confident: Confidence is a key point in making your move. Just smiling at your crush or saying hi can go a long way. Make sure you look brave and determined when talking to them. Being confident doesn’t mean you have to force yourself on them. Too much confidence is never good, just enough is better.
4) Be yourself: Act just like you will on any other day. You don’t want your crush to fall in love with a completely different and fake person. Don’t try to act cool or arrogant, they might find you annoying. Just be you and don’t overdo it. Make them like you for who you are and if they are the right one, they will like you.
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5) Make them laugh: Everyone likes to laugh and a funny person makes them laugh. Tell your crush jokes that they find funny and will make them laugh. Make sure your jokes aren’t corny, because some people find that annoying.
Getting Closer Once you get to know your crush, you want to get to know them better. You want to find out what they like, what their hobbies are and get closer to them. Usually, this process occurs naturally because as the relationship gets closer, so do they. Building a relationship shouldn’t be hard because it is part of the relationship itself. Without you noticing it, it should already be going on. If the people in the relationship feel the same way, this shouldn’t be a problem at all.
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There are a few steps that “indicate� you are getting closer. An example of this is chatting late at night. When two people chat at night, it somehow reflects to your relationship getting closer and more intimate. The later at night it gets, the more romantic it seems. Sooner or later, you start to realize that there is more to your relationship than you thought at first. At this point everything seems good and fine. As long as you keep this up, you will be in a serious relationship soon. You will start chatting to them all day long and never run out of things to say, in this case write. Being in a relationship like this feels nice because simply knowing that there is another person out there who cares just as much is amazing. They care about you like you care about them and they love you like you love them. As I said before, this should all happen naturally.
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However, for the ones who have trouble in taking the next step in their relationship, here are some tips you can try: 1) Show them you care: To show how much you love them, you want to show them you care. Doing this is really simple and doesn’t require a lot of effort. A very simple example you can do is ask them how they are doing. By doing this, you are showing that you care about them and what they are doing. You show that you want to be involved and related in their life. It may seem corny at first but is very effective.
2) Make them feel special: Make them feel like they are the one for you. Let them know that you care about them so much. Remind them to eat so they don’t get sick and be there for them when they are sad. By offering emotional support when they are feeling sad, you show that they are very special to you. Cheer them 12
up and make them feel better, so that they know you care.
The Moment After you establish yourself in a close relationship with the other person, it is time to tell them your feelings. This is the moment where you will either become a couple or not. It is the most important part of a relationship as it determines the future of the relationship itself. You will need to be brave enough to confess your feelings for them. Some people have problems in this stage of the relationship because they are afraid of the other person’s response. They are afraid of the consequences and how by doing this the relationship they have before will be ruined. To confess your feelings is very important. If you don’t do it, you might never actually know what the other person feels. You might spend the whole relationship just being friends or best friends. Taking a risk in this 13
point of the relationship is vital as it allows for the rest of the relationship to develop the way we want it. In my opinion, you have to say how you really feel. Just like the famous quotation “It is better said then left undone.” Even though there are risks of endangering the relationship, it is a process we must all go through. It is better to have loved then to not. It is better to try then to never have tried at all because, in the end, it will all be worth it. Don’t think about the consequences; think about how you would feel. Yes, it would suck if they don’t reply the feelings but it would hurt more to not know. In the end, we must ask ourselves, “Is it all worth it?” Would you rather spend the rest of your relationship being just a friend or will you take the risk and tell them how you really feel? “But if you never try, you’ll never know…”
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Part 2
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Unrequited Love Unrequited love is to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back, being willing to do anything for the other person yet they themselves don’t feel the same way about you. When you think about it, it’s actually quite tragic. Imagine knowing that your feelings for that special someone will never be returned or replied because you’re simply not good enough. Simply knowing you’re not good enough for that person and will never be. Just imagine the person you are sure you’re in love with saying, “I don’t feel the same way.” That’s basically unrequited love. An unrequited love usually starts with a boy and a girl. The boy meets the girl and falls deeply in love with the girl. They both become friends or even more and make each other happy. The boy thinks the girl also has feelings for him because of their friendship and how the girl acts towards him. The boy finally confesses his feelings for the girl. The girl tells the boy 16
he doesn’t feel the same way and only sees the boy as a friend, but nothing more. The boy gets heart broken and the girl offers him to stay as friends. The boy accepts and stays friends with the girl. The boy has very strong feelings for this girl but she will never reciprocate it because he is only a friend to her. The boy is forced to keep his feelings to himself, knowing he will be nothing more than just a friend. Now we ask the question, “Why doesn’t the girl love the boy?” Most of the time, the girl is already in love with someone else and didn’t have feelings for the boy in the first place. But how can she not have feelings for him? Love is heartbreaking, especially when the feelings aren’t returned. The boy has to live with the fact that not only was he not good enough, but he had lost a very valuable friendship. When things end like this, what can you do? Can you blame her for not accepting his love or will you blame him for expressing his love?
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Can you even blame any of them, after all love can’t be forced on a person, it just naturally happens. You can’t make a person fall in love with you by being somebody else; it can only happen if you’re being yourself. “If it’s not meant to be then it’s not meant to be.” “Loving someone who doesn’t love you back, is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it’s going to hurt”
Friend Zone The friend zone is, by definition, a relationship where one person wants to enter a romantic relationship while the other person does not. It is often seen in many websites and is can be considered a meme. The friend zone is closely related to another topic I discussed in the book, which is unrequited love.
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Often, the guys are the ones put into the friend zone by the girls. The point in which a guy enters the friend zone is usually when the girl says, “You are such a good friend. I wish my boyfriend would be as nice as you.” There is also a saying that states once you are in the friend zone, there is no way out. In a way this saying would be true. Once you have been “labeled” as a friend, that is all the girl will see you as, nothing more or less. There are a few reasons why a person would be put in the friend zone, but one is the most common. This would be: Not making your move in time. Some people put off making the move that will change the state of the relationship. The other person (mostly girls) will think that there was nothing to begin with and move on to other people. Never make the other person wait for too long or you will lose your chance. Here is a quote to describe the condition that is the friend zone:
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“The ‘friend zone’ is like the penalty box of dating, only you can never get out. Once a girl decides you’re her ‘friend,’ it’s game over. You’ve become a complete nonsexual entity in her eyes, like her brother, or a lamp.” Ryan Reynolds in Just Friends According to me, there is a way of escaping the friend zone. After you are put in the friend zone, tell them you can’t carry on being only friends. Tell them it would hurt too much to only be considered a friend and start keeping your distance. Don’t act like a douche, occasionally smile at them when they pass by but don’t talk to them. When they try to talk to you, make an excuse to get away. Now, the other person might realize that they were wrong and that they needed you more than they thought. They might even ask you for another chance. By doing this, I think you should be able to escape the friend zone, but it’s not guaranteed.
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Tragic Relationship When you look at a relationship, the first thing that comes to mind will be love. It will all be about being in love with each other and wanting to be there for the other person. It’s when you can be free and show your true self to the other person. You can tell corny jokes and the other person will laugh, you can just talk to them about anything, all day long and even lying next to each other, not talking, and only looking into each other’s eyes. At first glance a relationship seems perfect and beautiful but that is not always the case. After all the lovey-dovey things are done, the serious stage begins. You begin to care less about the other person. You don’t talk to each other as frequent and when you do, you don’t know what to say. Things might even start to get awkward. You start to lose the “spark”. What happens next depends on the people in the relationship. Some try to make it better, regain the 21
lovey-dovey feelings but others let it slide by. The relationship gets even worst. You begin to have fights and arguments about simple things and the sight of the other person just annoys you. You don’t even want to see them anymore. In the end, there is only one thing left to do, which is to end the relationship. You don’t want it to end but you know it must be done. After breaking up, you start to feel empty and that something is missing from your life. Some relationships have good break-ups, in which they remain friends, but some end up being enemies with each other. These two cases, according to me, are not the worst. It is when you become strangers to each other that is. Imagine, the person that in one point in your life, was the most important thing to you. The one that lights up your day, makes life worth living and makes everything bearable is suddenly gone. You think about what went wrong? Was it something you did? Where did that “spark” go? You are left wondering about the 22
relationship. You doubt that you were in love in the first place, after all you are no ones to each other now. What if you had made an effort? Would the relationship last longer? Will you be able to avoid the harsh break-up? What is there left to do?
Moving On When a relationship ends, you can’t help but to feel down and blue. You lost the most important person in your life and something is currently missing in your life. Everything becomes much sadder and gloomy. All you want to do is nothing because you don’t think you can carry on without them in your life. How do you suppose we get over this problem? Moving on is very hard because in most cases you are not ready to let go. You are not ready to let all the beautiful memories go, so you are holding on even tighter. That sense of security that you received from 23
your relationship is no longer there and you don’t want to lose that either. All you want to do is to relieve all those memories and bring them back just once more. When you think about it, however, who is ever ready to let go and move on? No one, no matter how prepared they are, can be ready to let go of a person who once was the most important thing in your life. And all of a sudden, you are forced to forget them and act like they never existed. Despite all that, we have to move on. We have to make decisions. It is important to decide that you want to move on and not be half-hearted in trying. In addition, risks are inevitable but we still have to try. Find other things that you’d love to see or do, so you will be able to distract your attention from your past relationship. Additionally, another way to get over a lover and move on is to be with another. Nothing else can make you forget about them unless you get another person
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to love. Give all your attention and care to the new person. You can never truly move on if you don’t have another special person in your life. With the new person, everything is once again happy. Someone once again cares about you and help you forget all your worries.
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