Backbiting is a monster within and encourages talking and gossiping about people behind their backs. It is a sign of frustration that converts in to negative emotions such as: jealousy, anger, unhappiness, and inferiority complex. It also reflects one’s mindset and its negative tendencies. This is because of our inability to suppress our feelings and desires. Backbiting appears a common habit among those who are sensitive and have a inquisitive nature. They are generally ruled by their heart and therefore fall easy prey to their feelings. Habit of backbiting is usually picked up during childhood especially from school mates. During early part of our life, we are occasionally made to keep tab on our elder brother / sister/ cousins about their private lives. This helps our parents to know what is going on in their children’s lives. Initially parents encourage children to backbite until children start backbiting about them to others. Backbiting thus is a reflection of insecurity and irresponsibility. It is indulged to make ourselves look better. Often we take pleasure in discussing marital conflicts, illicit relationships, break-ups and love affairs amongst our friends/ relations as an entertainment For instance,“ Johan do you know that Henry is dating a French blonde? Remember not to tell this to others .It is highly confidential”. Johan after few days tells his wife, “Merry do you know that Henry is dating a French model? Don’t tell this to others.” Most people never try to get over this bad habit and continue even when they are adult and grown up. It is common to observe them talking loose and negative about their colleagues / family members just to malign them and show themselves in good deed. It is often done more out of jealousy and is based on perception rather than facts. This habit slowly leads to decline in our moral and ethical values. Some people are found wasting their energy in collecting, analyzing and finally disseminating information to others with their observations and judgment. This ultimately leads to disturbed social relationships and makes more enemies than friends. This habit is common with those who feel that there is nothing worthwhile happening in their lives. Such people are generally found interfering in other people's lives by relaying news from one relative to another over the phone. They keep track of their relation’s children and grand children .Some times they keep up-date with the facts even if it means going to the website or checking up with the neighbors or distant relations. These are habits of worst order. As responsible adults, we need to find ways to cope with the gossip and move on with our lives. 1 Our mind is pivotal in generating gossips and also controlling these. Therefore it is important that we study our mind from time to time and carry self corrections by conducting self audit of what comes in and what goes out. Focus on weaknesses / short comings and gradually get rid by practice of generating positive thoughts and being in the company of disciplined and self-actualized people to pick on good habits and positive thinking patterns. Practice Mindful meditation. It is of great help. Remember we do not have a license to talk ill about others. Appreciate how much energy we lose when we backbite and also we go against our consciousness and sermons of God. 2 Making fun and discussing personal lives in the absence of the concerned person germinates seeds of bad karma. Practice avoiding gossips about personal affairs, secrets, family matters pertaining to colleagues / friends both within and outside the
office. For instance: “Do you know that Sheetal is going strong with Avinash ? On the recent team building training at Rishikesh (India) ,she was with Avinash in his room. HA HA HA” The above subjects do appear juice and a time passing gimmick. The participants in such meetings do not realize that some body can talk similar things about them and how would they feel? Therefore discourage discussing others to maintain a healthy, friendly and productive work environment. 3 Backbiters are not trust worthy. If they backbite about others to us, nothing stops them to backbite about us to others. Backbiters have no principles and their religion is negative mind-set and loose talk. They usually loose their respect when they talk about people in their absence. 4 The teachings of Buddhism lay extreme emphasis on exercising control of tongue. According to its principles, ‘a gentle word can change the heart and mind of the most hardened criminals’. Be careful while framing thoughts and their delivery For instance: Martin Luther King, Jawaharlal Nehru, Johan Kennedy etc. were able to influence millions because of their personality traits such as thoughts and welfare of people. Practice controlling tongue for harmony and good inter-personal relationships. Get rid of habit such as “I’m just saying.” This way a backbiter reassures himself / herself that he / she is not mentioning something so bad as backbiting, it’s just “saying”. 5 Sugary sweet behavior in front of us and backstabbing behind our backs are common in our social interactions and lead to distrust and bad relationships, and disturb our inter-personal skills. Backbiters generally get encouraged because people take utmost interest in listening to the juice and scandalous information about their friends / acquaintances. Try to ignore such people and isolate them. Some times confronting such hypocrites and ignoring works. 6 People generally gossip, backbite, and up- date with who is doing what to while away their ideal time. They are advised to utilize their mind in productive and constructive work such as: gardening, community work, visiting libraries, prayers or joining social organizations. 7 During anger and frustration mode, some start abusing without break. Unfortunately they do not realise that they are adding bad deeds in their karmic balance sheet. They do not stop here and go on complaining, defaming and divulging information without any objectivity. Practice resisting defaming under any provocations. 8 We operate in an environment full of gossip, backbiting, and jealousy in official and social circles. Non participation may alienate us and we may be called egoistic. Remaining apolitical and diplomatic by not participating in such gossips helps avoiding controversies and conserving our energy levels for achieving our life goals.