Thefamilyissue2014

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North Mississippi No. 6 Addressing Issues To Help You Be A Better Parent

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2014

The Family Issue Blended Families • Adoption Babies & Sign Language

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Dancing also qualifies as physical therapy.

Understanding that matters.

At Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital in Memphis, we often see children when they’re feeling their worst. Our experts understand the challenges of caring for kids and encouraging them to take steps designed to help them feel better. Many times, all that’s required is a playful imagination on their part – and ours.

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Table of Contents Features

Columns

His, Mine & Ours pg. 7

Best-Dressed Girl pg. 13

Blending two families can be a daunting task, but this couple has tackled it head on.

Local retailers show the hottest outfits for all the girls out there.

Babies & Sign Language pg. 9

Best Behavior pg. 15

Teaching a baby sign language may not sound like the best idea, but research shows it has its advantages.

Wellness Consultant Allyson Willis knows a thing or two about behavior and how to channel the right solutions to build better behavior.

Adoption pg. 16 Adoption seems more common than ever, but it isn’t an easy process or transition. The reward, however, is worth the work.

Best-Dressed Boy pg. 18 Local retailers show the hottest outfits for all the boys out there.

Special Needs, Special Lives pg. 20 Character Corner pg. 22 Children with special needs require extra attention and if their families aren’t careful, the stress and necessary adjustments can be too much to handle.

Integrity Time Founder and CEO Sara Berry makes a living creating curriculum to build character and we have her personal advice on instilling good character from the start.

On the Cover Trey and Meghan Clenney of Hernando adopted Katie Jane to be part of their family with two biological siblings Elizabeth and Micah. For more on the Clenneys, turn to page 16.

Photo by Beth Argo

Niche Product Manager

This magazine is a quarterly publication of Journal Inc.

Contributing Editors

To subscribe to the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal, call (662) 842-2611.

Ellie Turner

Sandra Knispel, Angela Rogalski, Sara Berry, Allyson Willis, Beth Argo and Claire Brown

For comments, questions or concerns, email nmparent@journalinc.com.

Like us on Facebook!

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His, Mine and Ours The Story of a Blended Family

by Angela Rogalski

The effects of the blended family can sometimes be hard on everyone involved. The scenario of his kids, her kids and their kids can often be stressful and downright overwhelming if the levels of parenting don’t mesh.

But in the 21st century, the amalgamated family unit is becoming more and more prevalent. The Joslins are one such family who have melded together and are making it work.

Derek and Jessica Joslin are a young couple in their late 20s who have been married for almost two years. Together they have a total of five children – two that are Jessica’s from previous relationships: Ryleigh, 3, and Joslynn, 7; two that are Derek’s from previous relationships, Bailee, 4, and Lizzie, 7; and one little boy they have together.

Needless to say, life around the Joslin household can get hectic, but somehow this family makes it work. It wasn’t easy, nor did it happen overnight.

“It’s been tough,” Derek Joslin said. “When we first met, of course, we didn’t have our son, just Jessie’s two children and mine. And I don’t get my two but every other weekend. But when they’re all here, we have a house full.”

Joslin said at first, when he and Jessie got together, there were some residual problems, such as the usual stepparenting conflicts.

“You know, it was the ‘I don’t have to mind you’ and ‘Make me’ kind of stuff,” he said. “And that was on both of our kids’ parts, mine and hers. But once we worked out a routine and a division of control, things began to calm down.”

That was the key, Derek Joslin explained, that division of control, where each new parent allowed the other disciplining room. And backing each other up was really beneficial, he said.

“It was like we had to get over the occasional resentment we felt toward each other when one of us scolded or punished the kids,” Joslin said. “If not, we would have never made it as a couple or a family. We realized, finally, that each one of us loved the kids and when we got onto them, it wasn’t just to put one over the other; we really had a good reason.”

Jessica Joslin agreed. “We became just parents,” she said. “Not stepparents and not playing favorites. And that was an important and positive step in the right direction.”

The Joslins were blessed with their own little bundle of joy in November 2012. A little boy they both adore, Peyton Henry Joslin.

“When Peyton came along,” Jessica said, “we had a whole new set of joys and problems. The other kids loved him, but were a bit jealous.

They thought that because Peyton was “ours” we would love him more.

We just had to prove that wasn’t the case.”

The Joslins have also had to deal some with troubles that have generated from the children’s other parents, as in their exes.

“We have had a few issues with our previous partners,” Derek said.

“But with communication and understanding, we worked those out as well.”

Joyce Mitchell is a licensed professional counselor who practices in Oxford, Mississippi and one of her specialties is working with blended and military families who are working through some of the same problems the Joslins have gone through.

“Most of the people that I see with blended families, their problems have a lot to do with the exes from the previous relationships,” Mitchell said. “It’s not necessarily the kids, but the parents who can’t seem to find a happy medium.”

Mitchell said in that particular case, she always recommends open communication and tries to remind them it isn’t about their personal issues, but it’s all about the children and doing what’s best for them.

“I want them to understand that while they may not be connected as a couple anymore,” Mitchell said, “they’ll be forever enmeshed due to the fact that they share a common bond: their kids. So they have to learn to get along with new spouses and new stepchildren and do what’s best for everyone involved. And that takes a willingness to communicate and trying to get along.”

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Babies & Sign Language Communicate With Your Baby Before He Can Talk

by Sandra Knispel

Strapped into his carseat in the back, my 16 month old seemed to be performing the wolf from the Broadway version of the “Three Little Pigs.” He was blowing frantically as if he had an enormous birthday cake in front of him. I ignored his protestations until I realized there was a method to his madness. He was speaking, or rather signing to me. Hot, hot!, HOT!!! The metal car seat buckle, resting on his bare chest, had started to turn his skin red. My moment of epiphany was followed by his immediate baby gratitude.

Teaching your baby sign language is an easy, yet effective way to communicate before your child is able to form actual words. Linda Acredolo, Susan Goodwyn, Catherine Brown, and Joseph Garcia, academics who conducted pioneering studies in the 1990s and early 2000s, established that infants exposed to sign language acquired first signs at an earlier age than typical first spoken words, pushing signing into the mainstream rather than reserving it just for the deaf population or disabled children.

An NIH-funded study by Acredolo’s team came to the conclusion that those children who had learned sign language were three months ahead in their verbal skills at age 2 compared with a group of babies that had only verbal instruction. A follow-up study found the former signing babies scored on average 12 IQ points higher at age 8 than their non-signing counterparts.

Johnnie Wilson, a speech and language pathologist at North Missis-

sippi Regional Center’s Project Run Early Intervention program, deals with children under the age of 3 who are developmentally delayed. Part of her approach involves using baby sign language.

“It’s the quickest and easiest way to cut down on frustration and the whining,” Wilson says. “It’s also the quickest way to teach them to communicate.”

A non-signing baby cries and whines to make herself understood, leaving parents to guess their way through a dizzying array of possibilities: dirty diaper, cold or hot, hungry, thirsty, bored or fearful. A signing baby, however, can simply tell her caregivers she is “scared of dog,” needs “more Cheerios,” or simply wants a “lollipop, please.” For Wilson, it’s also an icebreaker: “If a child is shy, I find they sign before they talk to me.”

The important part of teaching signs is for parents to model the sign while pronouncing the word. That way you speak and your child signs back to you. “I’m signing the item paired with the word because I want them to become verbal,” Wilson explains. That way, meaning, sign, and the actual word become connected in your baby’s mind.

Kathy Irving, 39, from Madison, Mississippi, tried it with her now 3-year-old daughter August. “It’s an incredible bonding experience,” Irving says enthusiastically. “It’s a tool to open that language door.”

Before becoming a mom, Irving worked as an audiologist for over a decade. Through her training she was familiar with the body of

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Resource Box websites: signbabies.com sign2me.com (website by Dr. Joseph Garcia) babysignlaguage.com books: Baby Signs: How to Talk with Your Baby Before Your Baby Can Talk by Linda Acredolo, Susan Goodwyn and Doug Abrams (Mar 9, 2009) The Original Baby Signs® Program: A Complete Starter Kit by Drs. Linda Acredolo, Susan Goodwyn Baby Signing 1-2-3: The Easy-to-Use Illustrated Guide for Every Stage and Every Age by Nancy Cadjan The Baby Signing Bible: Baby Sign Language Made Easy by Laura Berg DVD or instant streaming video: Signing Time Series starring Rachel de Azevedo Coleman, Alex Brown and Leah Coleman

research and keen to try American Sign Language, which is one of several options, with her own child.

Why bother when every normally developing child eventually learns to speak?

Simply put, it moves the first communication forward by six months to a year. Signing helps avoid a lot of frustration on both sides by allowing children to convey precise needs and desires, but also join the conversation by making observations about their environment.

You’ll be surprised to see what small detail your baby’s eyes have spied, like the tiny fish on her bathrobe or the dog under a park bench. A child’s need to express herself precedes her ability to do so. “My baby couldn’t speak because the mechanics weren’t there yet, but I knew she could communicate with me somehow,” Irving says.

Together they excelled, with baby August learning a whopping 100+ signs. Her mom often found her engrossed in a picture book and signing to herself. By age 2, August’s signs were beginning to wane as her ability to speak real words and sentences waxed. Clearly, signing had accomplished its goal.

Research shows signing babies and toddlers do not maintain their sign language when they have the mechanics down to form actual words. For speech to work, many anatomical and cognitive elements must work together. First, the physical parts need to know how to interact properly – from forming the sound in the diaphragm and correct breath support, to shaping it in the mouth – with the help of teeth, palate, lips and tongue. Second, the brain needs to understand the concept of each word for it to be used in a meaningful way. A signing baby is already learning the second part. Researchers have concluded that signers are faster at eventually learning to speak than non-signing babies because they have a head start at understanding and assigning meaning to specific words.

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When is a good time to start signing?

Most parents teach their baby to wave goodbye without giving it much thought. As soon as baby can do that or engages in pat-a-cake games and gives high fives he is ready for sign language. Most babies start signing back between 10 and 12 months; by around 15 to 18 months their signing vocabulary often seems to explode.

Is it complicated?

It takes a bit of elbow grease and memorization on the caregiver’s part but because you are learning single words, not syntax or grammar, most parents find it easy to pick up. Whether you choose to go the formal ASL route or use an adapted baby sign language is up to you. A simple web search for baby sign language will turn up plenty of materials, from flash cards and books, wall charts and Youtube instruction, to instant video streaming and DVDs. Ultimately, your baby will learn as much as you are willing to teach. Constant repetition is key.

“It’s not as much work as people think it’s going to be,” says Irving.

“But the benefits are so worth it.”

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2014 United Way Back 2 School Resource Fairs Free backpacks & school supplies for students entering Kindergarten through Sixth Grade in the fall!

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Children under 18 can be seen for free by local doctors and nurse practitioners who volunteer their time and receive no money for their services. Medications needed as a part of treatment are provided at no cost to the children or family.

Allyson Willis is a Wellness Consultant and a mother of four living in Oxford, Miss.

Best Behavior

Shaping Behavior Many celebrations occur this time of year. Graduation, recitals and award’s day all recognize people’s hard work, diligence and determination. Family investments in each other greatly impact the journey toward these celebrations.

By Allyson Willis

There’s an old story that tells of a farmer whose sons worked one summer in the cornfield many hours while their friends were playing all day. A neighbor commented, “You don’t need all that corn. You should plant less so your boys could take the summer off.” The farmer replied, “I’m not raising corn. I’m raising boys.” The father had a goal. He knew in order for his boys to reach a celebration day, much intentional work must be done in the process.

Parents too must identify goals for their children and be deliberate in training them each day for a path toward wonderful celebrations. Students develop the fortitude to study and make good decisions that culminate in graduating from an institution because of the shaping of someone around them. This did not happen the day a child was born or the day they turned in an application to a university. It began long before the day of celebration. A piece for a piano recital or ballet performance is not chosen the week before the presentation. Many hours of practice culminate on the stage. A child is not chosen for an all-star team because he or she showed up for a few practices. Drills, focus, repetition and discipline are all part of the training which forms a great athlete.

Dedication to shaping behavior in children when they are young is vital if we want to move them toward great celebrations. The day after day, month after month, year after year shaping of a child brings about excellence in behavior, which leads to excellence in life.

In the process of rearing children, parents spend much time correcting behavior. This can lead to frustration when actions do not change. Strangely, parents often then repeat the same cycle: constant correction with no long-term change, which leads to more frus-

tration. What if we decide to stop the cycle by interjecting teaching? It might seem strange to teach what we feel a child is already supposed to know, but when executed properly it brings about great results.

Try these steps in altering behavior: • Choose specific behaviors which need to be altered in your children.

• Demonstrate to your child the appropriate behavior you would like to see exhibited.

• Teach the skills your child needs in order to be successful in that particular behavior.

• Re-teach when failure occurs.

• Provide accountability immediately (which often includes discipline) when they understand fully what is expected of them and continue down a wrong path.

• Lavish much positive praise when success occurs.

• Savor time spent with your well-behaved child.

How do children learn appropriate behavior? Sometimes, they exhibit it simply by mimicking the positive behavior of adults around them. But many times they must be given specific steps in behaving properly.

Frustration creeps in when children do not change as quickly as parental short tempers expect. Realizing that re-teaching is often necessary is a must. Then there is another vital step – reinforcing positive behavior with praise. Telling a child what they do right is essential for behavior to become consistent.

Behavior is taught and reinforced in the small, intentional ways families relate to each other – through being a good sport when someone else wins the game, clearing the table of dishes and loading the dishwasher,

listening to someone else’s story first before jumping in to speak, remembering to bring in the trashcan, siblings holding the door open for each other, carrying a guest’s bags to their room, allowing someone else to go first in an activity, apologizing and asking forgiveness when you have wronged someone, finishing tasks to completion, following instructions with kindness and respect, etc.

What is your family goal? Making it to the soccer game with cleats? Passing algebra? Having everyone dressed properly and smiling for the family picture? Providing the perfect favors at a birthday party? While these are all positive goals, there must be a deeper path along the way that allows for intentionally building positive behavior in children.

When more focus is placed on input rather than output the long-term strength of a child’s character and favorable behavior solidifies.

As the days are long but the years are short, we must continue training children in the small moments as these will certainly develop positive behavior carrying them through to great celebrations.

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“We have always loved and enjoyed aspects of many different cultures.

Not only is our family transracial, so are our friends. Ultimately, our heritage is her heritage, our family is her family.�

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Adoption

By Beth Argo Anyone familiar with the American media landscape has been introduced to a family that has been formed through adoption. Sandra Bullock (an adoptive mom herself) and Tim McGraw played adoptive parents, Sean and Leigh Ann Tuohy, in the Academy Award-winning motion picture, The Blindside, based on the life of Michael Oher, theTuohys’ adopted son, who became an offensive tackle at Ole Miss and is now an NFL offensive lineman for the Tennessee Titans.

In recent years, celebrities like Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Sheryl Crow and Mariska Hargitay have all graced the covers of popular celebrity magazines with their adopted kids. Reality TV shows like A&E’s Duck Dynasty and TLC’s The Little Couple have documented the everyday lives of the American adoptive family, with cameras rolling during holidays, family dinners, and, of course, the occasional toddler temper tantrum. These examples have inspired others to consider adoption, but prospective adoptive parents may find it challenging to know where to begin.

Victoria Kilpatrick, director of international adoption at Tupelo— based New Beginnings Adoption and Family Services, a non-profit organization that helps facilitate both domestic and international adoptions, understands that beginning the adoption journey can be overwhelming. “Adoption is a huge emotional and financial commitment. We understand that and we want to answer every question.

Adoption is a lifelong legal relationship, a lifelong member of the family.” Adoption professionals, like Kilpatrick, explain the different adoption avenues with prospective parents and determine which type of adoption, domestic or international, will fit their family best. With domestic adoptions, adopting a baby from within the United States, there are “open” and “closed” scenarios. In an open adoption, a birth mother can choose the adoptive family from “parent profiles” that have been created by couples hoping to adopt. The birth mom can meet the family and has the option of seeing the child again in the future. In a “semi-open” adoption, the birth mother may choose and meet the family, but ongoing contact is handled through the adoption agency. If the birth mother does not wish to meet the family or have any contact with the child after the delivery, it is considered a confidential or “closed adoption.”

In an international adoption, children will often be older. Kilpatrick says most children adopted internationally will usually be between 2 and 5 years old and will likely come from an orphanage. This type of adoption can be a lengthy process, due to government changes and political unrest in countries. Both domestic and international adoptions can be very costly. Fees vary widely, anywhere from $10,000 to $40,000, but there are several financing options available for families, including grant and loan programs. Public agencies, typically run by the government, place older “waiting” children from the foster care system and children with special needs at little or no cost to adoptive families. Families can also seek a federal tax credit, of up to $6,000 per adopted child, in the year that the adoption is finalized.

No matter what type of adoption a family chooses, Kilpatrick says

the honest approach is the best way to build and nurture your child’s identity. “Be honest, in an age-appropriate way. It is very important not to make adoption a secret. Some families do memory books that tell the child’s adoption story and honor the child’s history; some have a letter from the birth mother. Let the child know, from the start, that they were adopted and that they were adopted because they are loved.

Some kids have a lot of questions about their adoption, some don’t; but the important thing is that they know, all along, and there’s that communication about it.”

Kilpatrick also suggests that parents be prepared for their child’s questions in advance. “Decide how you’ll answer beforehand. We always say, ‘if you aren’t sure what to say, don’t say it until you have a plan.’ We offer our adoptive parents training and support in those areas, beginning in the home study.” A home study, the next step in the adoption process, is an in-depth review that prospective adoptive parents must go through to be able to legally adopt, typically including evaluations of the adoptive parents’ relationship, inspections of their residence, parenting ideals, medical history, employment verification, financial status and criminal background checks.

After the home study has been completed, the waiting begins.

Adoptive parents, Meghan and Trey Clenney of Hernando, also parents to two biological children, Elizabeth, 6 and Micah, 4, used that time to talk about adoption with their kids. “We discussed that children come into a family two ways: by birth and by adoption. We prayed together, for our future baby every day”, says Meghan Clenney, 29, a former registered nurse and now stay-at-home mom. Finally, after nearly two years of waiting, the Clenney family got the phone call that they had been waiting and praying for; they were parents again—to a 5-weekold, 4-pound baby girl, who they named Katie Jane.

The Clenneys, who adopted transracially, honor diversity in their family and in others. “We have always loved and enjoyed aspects of many different cultures. Not only is our family transracial, so are our friends. Ultimately, our heritage is her heritage, our family is her family,” says Clenney. While every parent must become aware and informed of the potential issues their children may face, adoptive families can face some additional, unique situations. Kilpatrick recommends preparing children to handle questions and comments. “Acknowledging that adoption will be a factor in the way your child is seen by others in their community is important.” Kilpatrick says that New Beginnings and similar agencies are dedicated to building sensitivity and a better understanding of adoption in communities. “The answer lies in education. Adoption offers hope and new beginnings to children and birth mothers.”

In the end, after all of the emotions, endless paperwork, and anticipation, adoptive families, like the Clenneys, agree that there is one aspect of the adoption process that is simple. Clenney says, “The easiest part is loving her. We are her mom and dad.”

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Photos by Beth Argo NM Parent

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19 12/3/13 11:14 AM

Special Needs, Special Lives

By Claire Brown

All children have needs, and we know they are all special. However, some children have needs that are greater than or different from those of their peers. The special needs might be in the area of mental, social, emotional or physical development. Special needs may vary in range (e.g., mild to moderate to severe). Families across Mississippi have children with special needs in their homes. Many live in rural areas that do not have resources or providers who can help the family cope with daily stressors. Here are a few ways a family can build that support for themselves and, hopefully, decrease daily stressors.

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1. Build Support Systems in Your Community and Your Family

Parents can get involved in their children’s school and build relationships with teachers and other parents. There is power in establishing relationships with new people and maintaining the current friendships and family relationships. If friends and family offer to help, allow them to help. If they ask you what you need, let them know what you need. Something as easy as coming and folding clothes while you tend to your child could alleviate some of the stress in your day.

Parenting a child with special needs offers challenges and rewards that can sometimes be best shared with other parents who understand some of the difficulties and want to be part of a support system for you and your family. Most people who ask if you need help really do want to help. Parents also need interactions with other adults that do not revolve around the needs of the child, so go ahead and ask a friend over to chat after the child goes to sleep or when the child is at an appointment.

Remind yourself that you do not have to talk about your child constantly, and focus on cultivating your relationships with other adults.

2. Educate Yourself

Parents can talk with their family doctor, school professionals and other agencies that specialize in their child’s needs, in order to keep up to date with current research and treatments.

The Internet is also a good source of information; however, the parent will have to remember everything that is found on the Internet may not be accurate or beneficial for their needs.

Moreover, the communication among parents who have similar family needs is crucial in finding out what has worked for others and could possibly benefit their own families.

but these areas are magnified when caring for a special needs child. It is important that parents carve out time for themselves to focus on their personal needs. This area goes hand in hand with being able to access support systems.

Some parents are afraid to ask others for help because they feel it may suggest they are not “good” parents, or they are afraid of what their children may do while in other people’s care. To ensure that the person who lends support is ready to take care of your child, check around local hospitals or other agencies to see if caregiver classes are offered. These classes can help the caregiver in providing the best supervision possible and assist with preparing them for situations that may arise when the parent is not available. Some insurance companies allow for respite services and will pay for services provided by a professional agency. Check with your insurance provider to see if you qualify for respite services.

5. Encourage Interactions with all Family Members

When parents have multiple children in the home, the child with the special needs often receives most of the attention from the parents. It is beneficial to build time into the routine that focuses on the other children’s needs, interests and activities.

Solicit input from all family members when making decisions on daily activities and encourage all children to have a say in their daily routine.

Whatever the range or type of disability, children with special needs are more like other children than they are different.

They play, make friends, grow and develop. Each family is unique, and it takes some trial and error to find the best fit for your family. Make a list of what your family’s needs are now and determine what is the best avenue to get them met. Through the use of planning and informal/formal supports, you can develop a plan to help decrease daily stressors for you and your family.

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3. Establish Routines

Routine for any family is crucial. For families with a child with special needs, a routine is beneficial to help regulate the child’s sleep and eating cycles, promote cooperation from the child, and allow the child to have ownership in his/her activities. When a family has an established schedule to follow and knows what is expected, it helps ease the child’s and parents’ anxiety. Many times, children like to know what is expected of them during the day, and this enables them to be able to better manage their behavior. Breaking a child’s day into mini routines may also be beneficial. Start off with a morning routine, transition to school routine, and then transition to afternoon routine.

Encourage your child and let them help with developing the routine. Everyone likes to give input on how they can complete needed tasks during the day.

4. Take Care of You

Parents of children with special needs spend so much time caring for their child that their own needs are neglected. Most parents generally have lack of sleep and a relatively poor diet,

Opposite page: Athletes compete at the 2014 Special Olympics in Pontotoc. Photo by Thomas Wells

Claire Brown, MS, LPC-S, NCC is a supervisor with the Mississippi Children’s Home Services’ Comprehensive Family Support Services Program (CFSSP). CFSSP provides rapid, short-term, intensive family preservation and reunification services to families with children at risk for abuse or neglect.

The goal is to keep families safely together or reunite the family as soon as possible after removal has occurred.

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Character Corner

Lessons From the Storm “Do you hear that?” I said to my friend as we stood in the backyard of my home on the afternoon of April 28, 2014. It sounded a bit like rolling thunder only it didn’t stop, and I heard obvious thunder mixed within.

The sky was dark and ominous.

By Sara Berry

We looked at each other and without a word, we hurried inside to join my children and another friend, who were already safely in an interior closet. The rain came, the wind blew and my house stood firm.

Sadly, that was not the case two blocks over. Since our electricity was long gone, we gathered information by way of text and social media from our phones. We soon realized that the devastation, which had barely touched our home, had wreaked havoc on the homes and lives of dear friends and neighbors throughout Mississippi.

I expect for many years to come, folks in Northeast Mississippi will remember where they were and what they encountered on April 28, 2014.

I have heard stories of families huddled together during the storm, only to come out of the closet to see the closet was the only room left of their home. During times like that, we huddle and hope and pray and plead with God above to help us in the midst of the storm. We hold on until the storm passes. We stick together, regroup and take care of ourselves and of those closest to us. We appreciate each other more.

We are more grateful, more content because maybe for the first time in a long while, we see what really matters is family — and friends and neighbors who act like family.

But what do we do after the storm, both literally and figuratively? As for me and my family — and countless other families — we have narrowed it down to three things.

We reach up, we reach out and we remember.

We reach up to God and we thank him that though the damage was great, our greatest treasures are still intact. We pray for others who may not have fared as well as we did. We comfort others with the comfort we have received by reaching up to God.

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Next, we reach out to others. We brush off our pants and we go next door, or down the street, or to the next county.

We do something. That is what it means to be a Mississippian. It means we give of ourselves; we think of creative and practical ways to help. We let our kids drag limbs to the street, or stir the batter for cookies, or make cards to cheer someone up. We get moving and get giving.

Mississippi comes last in a lot of categories, but in some of the areas that matter most, we are top of class. We are the second most generous of all 50 states, which is even more significant because we are also listed as the poorest state.

But you see, in my opinion, that is where the experts have it wrong. We are not really poor at all. We are rich. We are rich in family and faith and friendships. And that is what we share. That is what really matters.

After the storm, we remember what we always knew. We remember to not major in the minors. We remember to keep the main things the main things. We remember to hug and help. We remember to give thanks. We remember to live like we were created to live.

That is what the storm revealed — a state filled with people of character, who treat their neighbors as if they are family. And that is how we will continue to be because there will always be storms to help others through. As our children see us in action, they will learn how to live.

After the storm — as a result of the storm — hug your family members more often. Tell them you love them. Be an example for them of how to reach up to God, reach out to others, and remember what really matters.

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Sara is the mother of six and the founder and creator of Integrity Time, an award-winning character building program for children in Tupelo, Miss.

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TPSD Summer Offerings www.tupeloschools.com

841-8850 Read an eBook (digital version of books) Visit our media centers on Thursdays, 12noon - 6pm, June 5 - July 17 Enjoy summer packets for rising K - 6th graders Sign up for Opportunity Camps Take care of proof of residency/infosnap at Centralized Registration, July 7 - 18, July 21 and 22, Milam Elementary 10:00 am - 6:00 pm

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