MOSAIC
joyce chen
TABLE OF CONTENTS
preface
4
the dancer
6
the accessorizer
16
the athleisure
30
the prep
44
the authentic
60
4
PREFACE
The inspiration behind the making of this book was Tara Anderson’s podcast, Five Things. Tara Anderson is the host and producer of Five Things from 89.3 WFPL and Louisville Public Media. This podcast explores the questions and ideas behind the importance of different objects. The podcast investigates how objects we love define us and what do we learn from these items.
This autobiographical book narrates the journey and delves into the idea of finding an identity. The five featured items resemble key moments.
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THE DANCER | 01 7
the dancer | 01
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To anyone else, these are simply a pair of leather bound dance shoes.
But to me, these shoes represent the means of coping with the extreme anxiety and infinite insecurities that my 17 year old self carried around.
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I attended a highly competitive high school which, ultimately, fed into my
the dancer | 01
already–self-doubting–and–anxiety-driven–personality.
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the dancer | 01
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In addition to the normal teenage stresses amplified by an over-zealous high school, I had a completely unsupportive family that frequently made these issues worse.
My parents always gave me the tough love approach when it came to anything. Their version of most parents’ “good job” were comments like “should’ve done better.” This was a constant throughout my childhood and, over time, that attitude became the normal for me. Eventually, I stopped giving any thought to it. Gradually, I convinced myself these comments were true and I started criticizing myself constantly over everything. I was never satisfied with anything that I accomplished. This mindset consumed me and I began to embrace every bit of the words that I was told and even iterated them to myself.
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That utter negativity was suffocating throughout most aspects of my life. I couldn’t feel anything positive about myself—unless I was dancing. When I was in my dance classes, I could lose myself to the performance. My fears and anxieties melted away, if only for a little while. I had friends and a positive environment, and really felt like I could be the person I wanted to be. And these shoes symbolize those glimmers of happiness and freedom.
These shoes are so much more than just an old pair of dance shoes: They represent the amazing community that I was immersed with. These shoes provided me an expressive outlet to let go of any anxieties I had. But most importantly, these shoes provided me an escape to my reality and taught me to
the dancer | 01
become more confident in myself.
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THE ACCESSORIZER | 02 17
Rich colors, beautiful polished stones, extravagant ornament,
the accessorizer | 02
and glittering chains.
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the accessorizer | 02
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the accessorizer | 02
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Big gaudy necklaces weighing heavily around my neck, suffocating like the burdening friendships they represented.
My high school experience was both completely typical and cartoonishly abnormal in constant pursuit of acceptance amongst my circle of friends. A strange thought, I admit but you’d have to have met these girls to understand what I mean. So what exactly was it like to be friends with them? What made it so crazy?
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Well let me just share with you our “code of conduct”, the unbreakable rules of this most sacred circle:
“Do not wear the same dress twice, EVER. Do not wear the same outfit in the same month. Do not be seen with those people. Show up promptly at the pool on memorial day. Buy at least a $60 dollar minimum present for birthdays. Do not eat before taking at least 10 pictures. Do not leave a party without taking a picture with everyone. Do not skip throwing a fancy birthday dinner party. Do not show up to school without makeup. Absolutely follow the dress code for dinner
the accessorizer | 02
events. Make a scrapbook for everyone who turned 16.”
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the accessorizer | 02
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the accessorizer | 02
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You get the picture.
And, unfortunately, these are just a few of our most Holy Commandments. Those necklaces were my signature piece. It was the one thing that I was never restricted to wear or be seen doing. I felt like I was contributing something to my group. It gave me a sense of belonging.Â
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ATHLEISURE | 03 31
athleisure | 03
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Ok, I get it. Just another set of athletic comfies.
This jacket, wasn’t any old jacket. It was the jacket to have. My freshman year, everyone had them. To many, they were just another garment in their closet. To me, they were a little more.Â
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athleisure | 03
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I remember walking into my first classroom on the first day at UK. It was like someone had turned a spotlight on me. Never before had I been so conscious of my differences. I looked around the room and was struck by how uniform everyone else
athleisure | 03
was. Every seat filled with a bubbling blonde smile.Â
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athleisure | 03
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I spent every waking moment that year soaking in the differences in my environment and trying to emulate it: absorb it into how I looked and how I acted.
No matter how great my efforts, though, I could never achieve the level of acceptance and belonging that I desired. I simply didn’t fit, and I never would. It hurt a lot that year—I couldn’t make the new friends I so desperately wanted. I was terribly lonely. I really hated my life like never before.
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athleisure | 03
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Today, I chuckle as I think about my life back then. The extremes I allowed my emotions to come to in reaction to other people’s opinions. These garments no longer remind me of my constant anxiety to fit in, but rather how I managed to overcome these challenges. I am who I am, and that’s
athleisure | 03
exactly who I want to be.
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THE PREP | 04 45
the prep | 04
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To most, this outrageous vest should have never in a million years been taken off the rack. Least of all, worn in public.
But to me, this statement piece resembles the boldness and outgoing nature that I learned to embrace.
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It was my sophomore year of college and I had just transferred to UofL. While I had lived in Louisville most
the prep | 04
of my life, I always felt disconnected from the city.
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As mentioned before, it’s not like I had a warm family or lots of friends to welcome my return. So I felt the void more than ever when I transferred back home. With more free time than ever and no real connections to the campus, I decided to take on a side job. I would have never thought that this simple job could change my perspective on life so dramatically. I started this retail job as a seasonal position—just looking for a productive way to kill time, really. It gave me something to do during my free time and a chance to buy my favorite brand at a substantial discount.
the prep | 04
But it turned into so much more.
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the prep | 04
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the prep | 04
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In the process of getting to know like-minded coworkers and the plethora of clients who filed through the door, I got to really get to know how other people lived their lives. I got to step into other people’s shoes and experience all the potential the world offered. I got a glimpse of what my life could be. I made genuine friendships for the first-time ever. I met interesting people. I met people who believed in me and my goals. It was an eye-opening experience.Â
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Who knew an easy retail job could inspire me in so many ways?
I purchased this ridiculous fur vest shortly after starting my job there. Its not some ridiculous garment I was pressured into getting. It’s certainly not something I got because it was “in.” This outrageous vest is something I got because it caught my own eyes in a workplace that made feel
the prep | 04
comfortable making that choice on my own.
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the prep | 04
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I view this garment as a symbol of the amazing opportunity I took to get to meet these amazing people in Louisville.
From the people I got to work with to the sweet clients, I felt closer to the community than ever. I transformed from being a rather timid girl to someone who is bold and confident. This garment taught me to take risks and be open to the opportunities around me. Not only that, but this garment taught me the importance of being connected with the community. The opportunity to interact with people of all kinds has inspired me to put out the best self that I have. Most importantly, this vest reminds me of the constant support and inspiration that I have gained since working at this simple retail job.
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THE AUTHENTIC | 05 61
the authentic | 05
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I would’ve never imagined myself wearing this particular jumpsuit.
Frankly, I don’t think I would’ve ever gathered up the courage to buy something this bold. But I am not the same person that I was before. My time at JCrew taught me how to look for who I was, but the boldness of a garment like this, represents my finding it.
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the authentic | 05
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the authentic | 05
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This garment represents how I have embraced being the creative that I am today. When I am wearing this garment, I am 100% me.
I am not in any shape or form a pretense of who I am expected to be. I am not worried about who I need to be at that very moment. When I am in that jumpsuit, I am genuine. I have learned to find who I am supposed to be. I am no longer dependent of my peers, my parents, or my surroundings to determine which “self� I am expected to be. I have grown to become independent, excited, optimistic, confident, and most importantly genuine.
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This garment represents my confidence. I can finally discard any negativity and free myself of any self-doubting mindsets that I had in the past. Today, I embrace myself as the person I am today and it has freed myself to become the
the authentic | 05
creative that I am.
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While to many these items are simply clothing pieces that can be found in anyone’s closet, these represent important milestones in my life. They are core steps I had to take as I grew from a worried, anxious girl to confident, boisterous young woman I am today. They tell the story of that growth and development and
the authentic | 05
represent all it took to become the person that I am today.Â
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SPECIAL THANKS
Special thanks to Tara Anderson, host and producer of Five Things for giving permission to use this prompt for this project and to the very supportive photographer, Luke Parker.
Blurb 10 x 8� Layflat Standard Layflat 100# Body Text: Merriweather Regular | 8 / 16 Header: Merriweather Regular: 10 / 12 Markers: Merriweather Italic: 8 / 10 Subheads: Montserrat Semibold Italic | 8 / 16
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