The Face of Love - with actress

T h e F a c e o f H e a l i n g

As a field advocate for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, actress Karen Henning has faced up to intense personal heartache, and used it to foster hope. Here, she reveals what she’s learned and what she strives to impart to her daughters.

Karen, you seem to have a rare ability to connect with others in profound ways. When you first saw your husband you told your cousin you knew you were going to marry him. 2 years later you did so. What was that experience like, having inside information and getting to watch the situation unfold?

I’m not sure how I knew in that moment that he was the one but I just did. My cousin said it was the $3 pitchers of beer. Haha! It’s always a fun story to tell people when they find out we’ve been married for 12 years. It’s been quite an adventure being married to my best friend and also the longest “thing” I’ve ever done. My relationships before him were a matter of a few months. We connected so easily and quickly that it really made me believe in soul mates and love at first site. I love looking back on our relationship and knowing it was meant to be. That while our marriage has had it’s ups and downs, we have prevailed so beautifully. I’ve always felt that I had strong intuitions on things and I believe it’s kept me out of trouble a lot of times. I think I can connect with people because I am so open and I don’t judge others. Until I can say that I’m a perfect person, than who am I to say a person is wrong or bad. I try to always see the good in others and to forgive easily. I believe in second chances and that we all deserve them. I feel that’s what people see to make them comfortable enough to open

themselves up to me and let me in. My husband and I laugh sometimes because I will meet people and they will just start telling me intimate details about their lives and he gets so confused about why. Even that person will say, “I’m not sure why I just told you all of that. I’ve never said that to anyone else.” I just think they see that no matter what they’ve done in their past, I will like them for them. It makes me feel good that others are comfortable enough to do that. For me, speaking about things is very cathartic so when they speak to me, I hope I am helping them in some way to get through difficulties.

How did your interests in holistic medicine and organic foods develop?

My youngest daughter had a bad reaction to her 4 month immunizations and I started researching what was in them which led to other inquiries into health and well being. I no longer have my children immunized after learning that they contain such chemicals as formaldehyde and mercury and there have been links to giving our children so many immunizations when they are young to autoimmune disorders and other health issues. I feel like we overload our systems now with meds and chemicals when all those do is make our bodies weaker. I want to be the healthiest I can be and give my kids a good start in life and to do that we need to get back to nature. Putting things in our bodies that are as close to their natural state as possible is the best thing you can do for your health. I’m also working on a blog on living an organic and holistic lifestyle called Love Me Organically I have just started this so there’s not much going on right now but stayed tuned. I will be giving lots of advice and recipes for staying healthy through holistic and organic living.

You're no stranger to suicide, having faced it with your father more than a decade ago and again this year with a dear friend. How have those experiences shaped the way you view life and relationships?

Suicide is probably the worst way to lose someone you love. You will live the rest of your life wondering what you should have done to prevent it, you wonder why they didn’t love you enough to stay, why they left you here to suffer instead of taking you with them, you will forever have an emptiness inside of you. You will never fully be the person you could have been because they’re gone. When my dad took his own life I was crushed, heartbroken, completely devastated. And then to lose my friend, whom I was fighting for so hard to not end up the same way, left me wrecked. There are no words to really convey how it feels, other than, that you want to die, too. It hurts that much.

Karen & Dad

But the brightness in all of it is that I have learned to cherish those that are here with me now. To hold them a little tighter, tell them I love them more often, spend as much time with them as I can because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. I don’t take my days for granted anymore and I have found the courage to finally follow my dreams. I understand that I have one shot at this life and I don’t want to waste it. I was lucky that the last words I said to my dad and my friend were “I love you.” And that gives me some peace....

What made you take the plunge in getting involved with the AFSP and what does your role as a field representative entail?

I found out about the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention while we were living in Las Vegas. I was really feeling like I needed to keep my dad’s death from being just a statistic. I wanted to take my heartache and make it into something positive. I didn’t want other daughters, mothers, friends to feel the way I do. This organization raises money to fund research into mental illnesses and taking away the stigma that society has about suicide and also, helping those, like myself, who have been left behind. One of the ways they raise money and awareness is through community walks. Las Vegas didn’t have one organized yet and so I decided that I would help to do that. Unfortunately, I just don’t think I was ready to face the memories and hurt I still had. I became very depressed and had to remove myself from the organizing committee and the walk itself. It took me about 2 years after that to feel ready to participate in a walk again. My first Out of the Darkness walk was November 2, 2012 in Atlanta, GA. My husband, my girls and I walked in memory of my dad and in honor of my friend, Lizzy, as she was in the hospital getting treatment for her Bipolar Disorder. It was very emotional but also very healing and I realized then that this was what I was meant to do. To help end suicide once and for all. I will be walking again this year in my dad’s and my friend’s memory. Here is a link to my fundraising page. I am grateful for any and all donations or just spreading the word. The next step for me in my fight to end suicide was becoming a field advocate for AFSP which means I will be working with my senators and representatives in Washington to help pass laws for suicide prevention and mental health awareness. I communicate through emails, social media and community events to help bring about change for mental disorders and suicide. It’s a great way for me to help others and make the tragedy of losing my dad and friend into something positive. I know deep in my heart that they would want me to do this and it’s through their love that I have found that strength.

What do you hope to impart to your own children about the value of life?

I want my children to know that life is worth saving, whether it’s human or animal. That no matter what we are told or hear, we are all here to do something amazing. I want them to understand that life isn’t easy but it’s worth it. It’s worth the struggles, the heartache, the failures, the disappointments because you will have moments when you see the most beautiful and lovely things and you think, “I’m so grateful I’m here to witness this!”

Any advice for those who have loved ones who are dealing with depression or thoughts of suicide?

Depression and suicidal thoughts are horrible, debilitating issues. I deal with my own depression every day. And there are days when I wonder how I’m gonna go on feeling this way. But then I wake up one day and it’s beautiful outside and my kids come in and hug me and tell me how much they love me. I can

get through those dark days because I know there will be days filled with light and joy eventually. I also take an antidepressant each and every day. People need to know that they are loved, heard, supported, understood, accepted, appreciated so the best thing you can do for someone who deals with depression and/or has suicidal thoughts is to let them know those things. Also, 90% of all people who commit suicide have one or more treatable mental disorders. GET THEM TREATMENT! It’s so important for them to talk to a qualified doctor that knows how to treat them properly. And don’t give up on them! Helping someone with mental disorders is difficult, hard work and extremely draining but the alternative is devastating. Keep trying! Keep encouraging! And keep hope! They can get better. It just takes some time. In the end, when they are happy and healthy and you no longer have to worry as much, you won’t care about the battles you had to fight. You’ll only appreciate that you made it to the other side. Keep the faith, you’ll get there!

What lessons have your various interests (acting, cooking, writing, going to concerts) taught you about yourself and our world at large?

Well, they’ve all taught me that I can do anything I put my mind to with a little hard work and motivation. I think we often set limitations on ourselves and until you force yourself out of your comfort zone and try, you will always be selling yourself short. Most of these things I thought I would never be able to do, acting, sewing, cooking, writing, but once I really tried I found that I was actually pretty good at them. Am I the best? No, but I’m not horrible either. It’s been so much fun to prove myself wrong! I think the thing that has taught me the most about the world is going to concerts. Music really is the universal language! For me, music is felt deep into my soul. I need it to breathe, to live. When I go to a concert, I am surrounded by other people who feel the same way and it’s exhilarating! My favorite band is Thirty Seconds To Mars and they don’t call their fanbase, fans, they are family. And it really is! I have friends all over the world that I absolutely love. My friend who passed away earlier this year lived in South Africa and I met her through Mars. She was my little sister in every sense of the word except by blood. How amazing is it to bond with someone like that through a love for music?! I have taken my oldest daughter to 4 concerts since the age of 4 and this month I will be taking my youngest to her first. She is 6 and her favorite band is Mars, too! It’s going to be one of the most amazing nights ever....

After just moving to a new state and getting an acting agent, what are you looking forward to next in your new life adventure?

Wow...I am looking forward to taking my career to the next level and giving my girls a good small town to grow up in. It’s the best of both worlds!!