Goddess Blooming by Lisa Faulkner

by Lisa Faulkner G ODDESS

Blame the Victim

I felt sucker punched when I read the news about an 11-yearold being blamed for a gang rape by eighteen men. In 2011!

Hadn’t anything changed in twenty-eight years? That’s how long it had been since the gang rape that inspired the movie Accused—infamous for it’s “blame the victim” mentality.

My whole body cringed, turning inwards to withdraw from a rape culture that tolerates violence against women. And worse, blames the victim for the clothes she wears, friends she chooses and alcohol she drinks.

I didn’t want to endure it, not one second more. How do we stop this? What could I do besides sign a petition requesting the New York Times apologize and help foster change?

I spent hours in research and writing as I sought to understand the incomprehensible.

And I wept. For her. For her parents. For her community. For other victims. For our broken culture. I prayed for her healing.

It made my head spin. And tortured me to not see a way out. I ached for a sliver of hope, but went to bed unsatisfied.

I had so many questions. My nagging brain wouldn’t shut up:

How do we rid our culture of the belief that women are inferior? How do we move away from patriarchy and misogyny? How do we celebrate the feminine? How do we transform sexual desire, a basic human need, from shameful to sacred?

I finally gave up on sleep and got back up to listen to music, an attempt at distraction.

How to heal?

I felt like Goldilocks; none of my go-to songs worked, not even my ‘warm hug’ song—By Your Side by Sade.

Then a soft, heavy pitter-patter began—Portishead’s Glory Box. I felt a glimmer of calm in my chest. Something about the sound and feel of the song eased my restless irritation.

I’d heard the song before, interpreting it as a woman falling in love. But this time it struck me as more universal from my feminist obsessed brain. Beth Gibbons, the lead singer, and I conversed.

…For I’ve been a temptress too long…

Me too. All women have. I’m tired of women’s inferiority, sexual double standards and the shame and blame associated with female sexual desire and power. …I just wanna be a woman.

Me too! I ache to be valued and celebrated for our femininity.

The earthy sensuality of the song swirled around my body. My butt pressed into the softness of the couch moving in tiny, barely there, circles.

From this time, unchained,

We’re all looking at a different picture,

Through this new frame of mind,

A thousand flowers could bloom,

Move over, and give us some room.

Poetic. Maybe there was hope to free women and end the blame and violence. The answer is a new perspective— movement away from dominance towards partnership culture (a solution discussed by Rianne Eisler in her books). The path to blossoming through the rising feminine…

I longed for this partnership culture. But I didn’t see how to make it happen.

When I mentioned this to Sheila Kelley, founder of S Factor, she suggested that we’d be changing the world together by playing and having fun at an upcoming retreat.

We will converge together with women from all over the world who are at the same general place that we are in our philosophy of life. Together we will build a culture that values the feminine. This is the way to a partnership world. Women valuing women. Women understanding and valuing men. Men will begin to respect women when we respect and value ourselves. We become what we tolerate. We have tolerated victimization for thousands of years and we have become victims. We have to change that global feminine mind set one woman at a time. As you so beautifully wrote, a happy woman is a magnetic woman. Let’s play and have fun and change the world in Coronado my sweet friend!

I felt myself shaking my head ‘no’ as I read her note. It seemed too simple, particularly to my current left-brain academic mindset. How could playing together for 72 hours change the world?

Still, I couldn’t wait for those restorative three days of living fully in my feminine without apology. I felt like a fish stranded on the beach just out of reach of water, about to die from lack of oxygen.

B LOOMING

Blooming in Bliss

The first morning in the sand I was luxuriating in beach bliss with my sisterhood when Navy Seals interrupted us. I was angry at the intrusion. At having to put on sneakers and march around in cadence. Not just at the male energy. But the military. Talk about a culture of dominance.

On the second morning I refused to participate in the male reindeer games. I danced down the beach by myself, out of earshot of the marching orders. I invited a few friends to join me, but they wanted to participate in the activity.

Towards the end of my play I discovered the group felt my magnetism. A few ladies thought about joining me and one did. She made my morning! We had an intimate conversation walking back. She confessed something to me that I mirrored to her at breakfast. This lead to a huge breakthrough for her.

The highlight activity for many of us came that afternoon when we danced to live drumming. The male drummers played a blend of African, Brazilian and Cuban beats. Sheila challenged the women to move super slowly to entice the male drummers to match our movement. The drummers tried to compel us to dance fast to their beat.

We danced and played together. It was magic. But then a negative judgmental voice in my head tried to make me feel bad about myself in comparison to one of my classmates: You’re not as pretty, thin, sexy or uninhibited as… I almost got sucked into the competitive mindset. But then I looked around. Every woman was beautiful and blossoming. We were a field of wild flowers.

We weren’t in competition. We cooperated in our efforts to engage the men. I joined my most uninhibited classmates in the center of the room up close to the drummers. As we danced, it felt like our movement fueled the drumming. The slower we moved the faster they drummed. And then one of the drummers slid out onto the floor onto his back in the middle of our circle drumming at our feet. Worshipping us as goddesses. Talking with the men afterwards confirmed that impression.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I felt dissolved. My inner spirit was so bright, my body couldn’t contain it. It seeped out to connect with the spiritual essence of my sisters and the universe’s divine energy. I understood the concept of ‘Oneness’ like never before.

When the birds began chirping at 5:30 am I got up feeling rested, restored and ready for sensual movement in the sand.

After a short warm-up we were set free to play. I danced with wild-abandon. My inner tiger frolicked in the sand. I felt wild and free. Afterwards, I discovered sand everywhere! In my hair, my ears, my mouth and my pockets. The wild freedom followed me indoors for an incredible dance to Swing by Savage. I was unleashed. At our closing circle we each shared a magic moment or what we were most grateful for. For me it was the web of connection I felt. I felt it like a glowing light. How we influenced and supported each other in our journeys.

The cherry on top was witnessing the ripple effect of our radiance in the world. One woman was welcomed home to a pole room. Another had car trouble and when a stranger stopped to help she not only let him but he left feeling on top of the world about himself. Another husband wrote his wife the most beautiful love letter. It spreads to our families and friends.

When we connect with our goddess she shines. We heal ourselves and the world.

Attending a woman’s retreat can catapult you to a new plane of existence. With more love, passion and joy.

Awaken Your Goddess

1. Spend time in nature. Walk barefoot in the grass or sand.

Let yourself connect in a small way with your primal wild side. If you don’t like the feel of the grit on your feet, feel the sun or rain on your face and arms.

2. Give more compliments. And receive them with an open heart without deflection. Savor them.

3. Support women in sisterhood. (And men in brotherhood.) Open doors for each other. Be inspired by

Marilyn Monroe. (http://groovenotes.org/how-ellafitzgerald-and-marilyn-monroe-changed-each-otherslives/) We’re all energetically connected. Each with unique and extraordinary spirit.

4. Read a book to awaken your goddess. And change your perceptions. Two classics: Women Who Run With the

Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Sacred Pleasure by

Rianne Eisler.

5. Choose love over fear. Every day. As much as you can.

Connect with the divine in yourself and the world. This will allow you to give love without expectation. (Listen to I

Shall Be Free by Kid Beyond. Dancing to this song last year rocked my world.)

6. Bloom. Know your unique voice, talents and strengths are gifts to the world. Shine and share.

7. Dance. Play. Sing. Share Stories.

Come dance, play, sing & share stories with Lisa at her site - Pole Dancing Professor

Head to Heart… Body to Soul… Lessons from the Pole to Fuel Your Feminine Fire and Transform Your Life