Rabbi Amy Bernstein

EXPLORING THE INTERSECTION BETWEEN JUDAISM AND QUEERNESS.

Interviewers: Tamar Ladd & Brooke Botwinick Written By: Tamar Ladd

Rabbi Amy Bernstein ' s journey to reestablish her place in the Jewish community, as well as foster LGBTQIA+ participation in Jewish life, led her to become the senior Rabbi of Kehillat Israel. Growing up, Rabbi Amy attended a Yeshiva. She reflects, "I really loved being part of a Jewish community and a Jewish day school. I loved feeling like we had something more than just being in the same school. We were part of the same people, we belonged to the same heritage, to the same family, and to Jews all over the world. There was something really special to me about growing up in a community of intention. "

Her blissful Jewish upbringing was threatened when Rabbi Amy came out at sixteen. The Orthodox high school she attended was not welcoming and she faced difficult decisions.

"I was devastated when I had to make a choice between what has been until then, my whole world, my family, my people, my teachers, and my best friends. I had to make a choice between that and living authentically as a lesbian. It was truly a devastating choice. "

Her childhood community ' s exclusion made it difficult for her to feel close to and embraced by the larger Jewish community. "I was so busy exploring this other part of my identity that I just shoved down the pain of not belonging in the Jewish world anymore. "

After Rabbi Amy graduated from college, she moved back home to Atlanta with her girlfriend at the time. Rabbi Amy did not feel welcomed in the Jewish community after leaving college. It was difficult for her during the High Holidays as she experienced a hollow feeling without a place to belong.

"Being a Rabbi is everything I love.

Her girlfriend noticed Rabbi Amy ' s need to be a part of a Jewish community and suggested she visit a local LGBTQ+ synagogue. Amy was reluctant but agreed to attend one service. "So, then I went to Rosh Hashanah morning services. There was a visiting student Rabbi leading services and she was on the pulpit dressed in traditional Jewish garb. She was throwing Hebrew around like she knew it since childhood. I was like, ' wait a minute, how is she there and out as a lesbian?' This was very confusing because she came from where I had come from. "

The congregation soon discovered that Rabbi Amy could speak Hebrew and asked her to chant prayers at services. Rabbi Sharon Kleinbaum asked Amy to serve as cantor at Yom Kippur services. "The first time I ever heard a woman ' s voice chanting traditional Jewish prayers in a synagogue was my voice chanting the holiest prayers that we have in our tradition. It was very clear something happened and that the world had turned at its axis. It took me a very long time to go to Rabbinical school after that, around five or six years. But that was the moment that it changed for me. Being a Rabbi is everything I love. I love people, I love kids, I love old people, and I love dogs. I get a little bit of everything and there ’ s never a dull moment. Next year I’ll have been a Rabbi for twenty-five years. "

Being a queer female Rabbi has unexpected benefits despite the challenges one might expect from working in a male-dominated role. Rabbi Amy ' s summer internship during rabbinical school at a Jewish nursing home lends a perfect example. She would hate it how, after leading a great service, a woman she walked by would always grab her skirt and say, "three yards of fabric. " She would only talk about Rabbi Amy ' s clothes, something she would never say to a male Rabbi. When Rabbi Amy brought these frustrations to her supervisor, Rabbi Friedman, she told Rabbi Amy the women would never have had a way to connect with a male rabbi. Rabbi Friedman said, "That woman is an expert at fabric and machine work and she can grab your skirt and say 'three yards of fabric ' and feel like she knows something. You live in that world because you wear women ’ s clothing and can you maybe see it as a way into a conversation with her?" The next time the woman grabbed Rabbi Amy ' s skirt and said "three yards of fabric, " Rabbi Amy knelt by her wheelchair and said, "Wow, three yards of fabric! That sounds like a lot!" and it started a conversation.

Jewish queer youth need to claim their space in Judaism and work to create a welcoming Jewish community. Rabbi Amy says, "My request to young Jewish queer people is to take the religion, belonging to the Jewish community, and their Jewish identity seriously. If you do, and you ’ re on the inside, you will help change Judaism for the better. And you will help change the Jewish people for the better. Everyone who says I’ m done with this, it’ s too heteronormative, it’ s too family-focused, and it’ s too patriarchal, I get it and I’ ve heard all the arguments. If you walk away from it, it doesn ’t change. I didn ’t walk away. Because I leaned in harder, I am now senior Rabbi of one of the largest Reconstructionist synagogues as a queer woman. "

Newer generations of Jews have incorporated traditions and rituals into Jewish Holidays that acknowledge and celebrate diversity. We must continue building on this momentum. Rabbi Amy encourages us to question, "How can we create ritual and lean into holiday observance in ways that feel more affirmative?" She explains, "It’ s not just queer identity, we now have issues around race and gender. I think there is a whole range of folks who come to Judaism in different ways and who are different from what we normally think a Jew looks like. We must strive to affirm all of those identities and it' s the young generation that' s doing it. They are creating so many great rituals and more affirming representations of other kinds of Jewish lives. You young people are doing a great job and a beautiful job. Older generations need to pay attention. Each generation is going to have to figure out what they want to affirm, how they want to reconstruct Jewish rituals, and holiday observance to reflect that. That is our job and our work. "

Joseph's multi-color dream coat is not the only thing that can be colorful! Check out this art submitted by our wonderful readers!