MiningDiamonds_Body_SoftProof_041521

Charlotte, North Carolina

PRAISE FOR

“Mining Diamonds is an enjoyable read with strong messaging of family pride, education, and spirituality that can serve as a guide for family success. The stories written within each chapter are heartwarming, funny, and speak truth to power of episodes in life that many Black families encounter, survive and refute. The book leaves you with, ‘I can relate to that… or … only if I had thought of that.’ I highly recommend this book written with poetic prose of a family’s blend of hardships, enduring unthinkable medical tragedies, and success.” ―The Honorable Joyce Beatty, United States Congresswoman

“In the spring and summer months of 2020, it has been an especially difficult time to be a Black man in America. With Black lives being lost at an alarming rate from a viral pandemic on one hand and racial violence and police brutality on the other, Black physicians have felt helpless to do much more than practice our craft and hold our families closely. Mining Diamonds is the prescription we need right now, to show us that investing in your family IS a way to heal the world. Dr. Gus Parker’s brilliantly written memoir of a Black physician who puts God first and family second is heartwarming, humorous, and difficult to put down. You will be invested in this family and want to be invited to the family picnic.” ―Dr. Quinn Capers IV, Associate Dean and Professor University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center Former Vice Dean for Faculty Affairs, The Ohio State University College of Medicine

Mining Diamonds is a love story, first and foremost, on building a Black family in late 20th, early 21st century America. The Parker family, whose tradition and values reach back through multiple generations to the present day, had a consistent theme of love for parents, siblings, relatives and community. Gus Parker courageously tells this intimate family history using life stories and episodes of struggle and triumphs. His speeches of note on surviving and thriving make the point of how he and Cheryl, his lovely wife and partner, passed on the important values of building trust, honesty, courage, discipline, and service in raising and “mining” their children into first-rate people!” ―Harvey Gantt, former Mayor of Charlotte, North Carolina, Activist and Groundbreaking Desegregation Pioneer

“In this time of nationwide agony, it’s wonderful to have Gus Parker’s book about a family’s inner uplift and brilliance. There are lessons in this elegant chronicle―wrapped around the gospel of good doctoring―that will fortify and inspire.” ―Wil Haygood, Author of The Butler, Showdown, and Tigerland

“If you are single, married, with children or considering starting a family this book is a must read! Through the efforts of the village, beautiful parenting, faith, love and grace, this book shares how to mine for DIAMONDS!!!!” ―Ophelia Garmon-Brown, MD, MDiv Senior Vice President, Chief Community Health and Wellness Officer, Novant Health

Copyright © 2021 by Dr. Augustus Garland Parker III and Alabaster Box Media Group.

All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Alabaster Box Media Group, a division of Vision Resources, Inc. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the written mission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version® ©1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission.

All rights reserved.

For bulk sales contact: Alabaster Box Media Group 14316 Reese Blvd., Ste. B148 Huntersville, NC 28078 (704) 750-9670

ISBN: 978-0-9744146-1-4

Editor: Melanie Houston Cover Design and Book Layout: Terry Anderson Printed in the United States of America

To my loving wife and soulmate, Cheryl Gibbs Parker

Acknowledgments Acknowledgments

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Foreword Foreword

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Inspiration Inspiration

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Preface Preface

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PersonalPhilosophy Philosophy 1 1 Personal

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LovingFoundation Foundation 2 2 Loving

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ModelBehavior Behavior 3 3 Model

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Becominga aPhysician Physician 4 4 Becoming

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It’sa aWonderful WonderfulLife Life 5 5 It’s

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Footsteps 6 6 Footsteps

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Parenting 7 7 Parenting

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Colorism 8 8 Colorism

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SocialConsciousness Consciousness 9 9 Social

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TrilogyofofTragedy Tragedyand andTriumph Triumph 1010 Trilogy

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Influence:Heroes Heroesand andSheroes Sheroes 1111 Influence:

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BetterDays Days 1212 Better

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Aboutthe theAuthor Author About

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Gallery Gallery

133 133 ix ix ix

The year 2020 will undoubtedly be remembered as the year of COVID. I also hope it will be the year of the awakening of America’s consciousness regarding racial inequities and social justice. For all of the negative outcomes that resulted from these two worldwide impacts, it pushed me to rededicate myself to my family, my community, and my personal development.

With the support, talent, and engagement of two dear friends, Melanie Houston and Terry Anderson, I was able to complete this expression of love. And, a special thanks to my family for supplying me with such rich material.

Dr. Augustus Garland Parker III

Hey Pastor, we’re moving!

I’ve heard it hundreds of times but this time it was different. It came from a man who I had trusted to provide medical care for my mom, wife, and two of my daughters. Dr. Augustus Parker has delivered three of our five children and three of our seven grandchildren. Our relationship is more than pastor and parishioner; I consider him a friend and a confidant.

His book Mining Diamonds takes the reader from success to significance. You are allowed to eavesdrop on the life conversations that he and his wife, Cheryl, engaged in while guiding three distinctly gifted and determined individuals to find the purpose for which they were created. His transparency about navigating the fears, faith crises, and flaws that life challenges force us to face is both refreshing and relatable.

As husbands and fathers, Gus gives us a roadmap for providing an environment where human diamonds are allowed to enter into the process of refinement to discover their own brilliance, which leads past success to significance.

I encourage you to listen in and discover one man’s journey as he seeks to help diamonds discover their ultimate value.

Keith A. Troy, D.Min.

Pastor New Salem Missionary Baptist Church Columbus, Ohio xiii xiii

This book is about family. It is that bond that compelled me and Cheryl to relocate to our new home in Charlotte, North Carolina, after our children began their careers here. I’m sure there are those of you who think your parental responsibilities end when your children reach the age of eighteen. I may not be perfect in my approach as I have exercised my role at both ends of the spectrum. At worst, there may be times I’m a bit too intrusive, pushing my way into their adult lives. My only defense is my protective nature and sparing them and myself the consequences of what may be an ill-advised decision. Yeah, there is an argument that as adults they must live and learn by the consequences of their own actions. I find it somewhat illogical, irresponsible, and sometimes outright dangerous to idly stand by, potentially putting them in harm’s way. At best, I have tried to allow our children to live their lives and be within a text message, phone call, or a short drive away if needed for anything, including comfort, support, counsel, or companionship.

How did our children turn out the way they did? Honestly, I do not know. We tried to instill in them six tenants to live by: discipline, consistency, accountability, limits, respect and service.

I refer to our journey with our children as mining diamonds. I think of the transformative process of going from coal to a crystallized carbon, a precious mineral. In the rough, diamonds are priceless rocks. When found by luck, divine providence, or the

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forces of nature, they may become invaluable. Just as an artist paints a picture to create a masterpiece, or a sculptor fashions a work of art, we have tried to mold and shape the potential gems God gave us.

Life itself is the pressure necessary in this creative process to bring forth diamonds in the rough. However, there remains a necessary process of cleaning, shaping, refining and polishing which is required to bring forth adornment for some, a treasure for others.

Our children are truly our diamonds. I guess Cheryl and I have taken a lot of credit in rearing our children, but a lot of credit must go to our extended family and friends who also served as their consistent and steadfast support system, at times offering encouragement, prayer, counsel, and enduring love. As they start their own families, I find myself taking on a new role as a grandfather―“Poppi.” I continue to learn life lessons and hope to continue to pass them on to our expanding family.

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A few years ago, I turned sixty and although we like to say that sixty is the new forty, as far as I know, Father Time stands comfortably undefeated. This milestone afforded me the opportunity to reflect on my personal journey and what might lie ahead. I have sincerely tried to embrace the answer to the age-old question, “why are we here?” The answer I’ve learned, is to serve. Throughout my life I’ve tried to do that to the best of my ability in numerous ways.

Considering that I have about another twenty good years or so, I have asked myself what time, talent, or resources do I have to offer?

In response, our children have become the expression of my gift.

Our children are a living testament to my life’s purpose―they are at the forefront of my mind. Krista is practicing medicine since completing a residency program in emergency medicine. After Gus IV and Jason, she is the third of our children to enter the field of medicine as a practicing physician. We now count four physicians in our family and we are enormously proud of this accomplishment. Many family and friends graciously acknowledge how proud they are to share in our family’s success although I’m not sure I’m comfortable defining or judging success by the fact that my children became physicians. To be fair to my children, everyone also acknowledges what incredible individuals they are outside of medicine. I’m most proud of their kind and giving hearts and their humble demeanor.

My pastors, Rev. Leon Troy Sr. and Dr. Keith A. Troy, have undergirded and bolstered my ability to stand on God’s word and persevere throughout our trials, and they were present during our xvii xvii

family triumphs and celebrations. Countless friends, associates, and colleagues ask me what’s the magic formula or potion for raising such accomplished and wonderful children. Frequently, they suggest, “you ought to write a book!”

As an imperfect soul and an unfinished product of God, there are some things I’ve learned through success, failure, trial and error.

And, throughout my life, I’ve looked to my larger-than-life heroes and sheroes for inspiration. Their actions and deeds have pushed me beyond what I thought were my own physical and mental limitations. They include Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Muhammad Ali, Colin Powell, Oprah Winfrey, Mae Jemison, and Sidney Poitier, to name just a few. There was no way I could hope to mimic their mental or physical triumphs. Their words and deeds, however, and those of others, gave me the strength, comfort, determination, and yes, inspiration to push toward lofty goals, hopes, and dreams. I have used some of their words and quotes of others to help frame my thoughts and emotions for each chapter.

Over the years, I’ve chronicled divine messages given to me in one form or another. Woven within these pages, I’ve copied and borrowed a few―some came through inspiration from my own experiences, good and bad.

In a sincere and humble manner, this book is one example of how I choose to give back or serve. This is my treasure to my children, my family, my friends. By chance, it is for others who might avoid some of my missteps and find inspiration and sufficient wisdom in what I have to offer.

Enjoy!

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"My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck." ―Proverbs 1:8-9

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As if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her senior year at Hampton.

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who followed her to Hampton University to maintain their relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” ―Proverbs 3:5-6

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y the time I was fifteen, about two years had passed since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated. I had read much on his life and teachings and when our family visited the King Memorial in Atlanta, I purchased a gold medallion of my hero, which I wore around my neck. Under an ebony silhouette of King was the inscription, “I have a dream.” I drew on this for inspiration but as I matured, the dream seemed to be ill-defined and I sought something more tangible and relevant to my everyday experiences.

It was during that time I began to read for pleasure instead of merely completing an assignment. I had picked up an autobiography of one of my sports heroes, Gale Sayers, entitled I Am Third.

Gale Sayers was, by all accounts, one of the greatest athletes of our times. He is revered as one of the greatest college and NFL running backs. At the University of Kansas, he was a

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As if that renowned wasn’t enough a potential tragedy his overcome nationally track ofathlete and during career by he triumph, would constrict my and coronaries during her amassedKrista a treasure trove of medals trophies.again I recall a passage senior at Third Hampton. from year I Am that has remained embedded in the definition ofKrista who had I am.

Ondating one particular occasion a game as been a young man from after Columbus, who Sayers satherin the room,University surroundedto bymaintain the press,their one followed to locker Hampton reporter noticed a medallion around his neck,picnic whichin bore the Traditionally, we held a summer August relationship. inscription “3rd.”

The reporter asked, first-place friends and it turned out to“With be oneallof of thethe best. for family and medals and trophies you have won, why is it that you wear a Krista planned toaround return to school after the picnic and initially we third-place medal your neck?” had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous Sayers she replied, is tous remind meher Godmake is first,the my eight-hour friends are occasions had “That begged to let second, third.” drive, butand weI amconsistently vetoed that option due to uncertain weather the year potential driving night. college, Krista and hera In myand junior in highforschool andatduring I wore boyfriend begged around us, promising take the their time, alternate small medallion my neckto with inscription, “I Am driving, othertoday, awake.

Intothe run,byshe would Third.”and Fromkeep that each time until I try livelong my life a personal have her car atGod Hampton for her senior year. and I am third. philosophy: is first, my family is second, ItThroughout was a beautiful day you and will the forecast drive south this book, recognizefora the recurrent theme was perfect.

If they thewalk. picnic about could centered around myleft faith God’s not five doneo’clock, with methey yet and at arrive by midnight andmymost driving be during numerous crossroads, faithofhasthe been tested.would I continue to seek daylight Reluctantly, gave in challenges. and off theyI often went.fall short of answershours. to tough questionswe and daily my expectations; I know I can be better, notthe just for me but Thepersonal worst call of my life went something like this: phone rang as an example and theinhead family. waking us from an about one o’clock theof my morning,

exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we notified the boys so we all could pray together. Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much information about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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2 “There is nothing you can do, achieve, or buy that will outshine the peace, joy, and happiness of being in communion with the partner you love.” ―Augustus G. Parker III, MD

M

uch of the success we experience as a family is directly attributed to my loving wife, Cheryl. Obviously, you must have a good foundation built on love. Cheryl and I have been united in a bond of love for forty-two years, growing through countless challenges. We had to provide a united front in dealing with our children. It all starts with our relationship of respect, support for each other, and simply having fun. As an expression of our love in bloom, the following are some of my thoughts on love and motherhood. It is one of my first writings to Cheryl.

To See You Smile “I thought it would be a good idea to go back to our magic moments of our love in bloom. I didn’t know you very well and

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As if thatonly wasn’t of a you potential tragedy by I could hopeenough that who seemed to beovercome would be triumph, Krista of would constrict partner. my coronaries her all I dreamed in a potential I think I again fell induring love with senior at Hampton. you year the night I was invited over your house for the “couples” party. couldbeen onlydating hope that what man I dreamed of I could find Krista I had a young from Columbus, who in you.

I wanted so much to be all that you would want followed her to Hampton University to maintain their in your life’s companion.

I loved the way youin looked, Traditionally, we held a summer picnic August relationship. smelled, laughed, smiled, moved and interacted for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. with everyone around you. You have always made everyone who Krista to return to school after and initially we comesplanned in contact with you feel free tothe be picnic themselves and that hadfreedom made gives arrangements heryour to spirit. fly back. numerous people joy. for I loved I grewOn to learn that occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour we shared a moral code about life, and how strong you were in drive, we consistently due that to uncertain yourbut convictions.

I admiredvetoed you forthat that option and hoped I could weather and the potential for driving at night.

Krista and her live up to your expectations. boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate As our grew, visual field lengthened, started to driving, andlove keep eachmy other awake.

In the long and run,I she would think long future together.

I wasyear. very idealistic, and I still have her of cara at Hampton for her senior hope I can be, about our future. When we were young, I loved It was a beautiful day atand forecast for of the drive south you for superficial things first.the Like the vision you in cut-off was perfect.

If theya left about five o’clock, blue jean shorts, red the top, picnic and platform sandals that they I can could still arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during see clearly today. Your long curly hair and bright smile lit up the daylight Reluctantly, we gave in and off they world.hours.

You seemed so happy in my presence andwent. it ignited my passion forcall you.

I met I felt alone and thought I was The worst of Until my life wentyou, something like this: the phone rang the only who feltinas the I did.morning, I wondered why I held to my about one one o’clock waking us on from an beliefs and it was worth Ait?gentleman Was I missing out sleepwondered after the if picnic cleanup. introduced exhausted on something? himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been My a terrible accident daughter on theday highway. life became fullerinvolving and richerour with each passing with Sheyou wasininmy critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted life. I remember feeling so proud and secure that I to the University of girlfriend Virginia Medical Center.

Wewhole. needed to get there finally had a real who made me feel right away.

I knew in my heart that we would always be together. I Cheryl I hard immediately into mode and remember and that as as it waswent to see youpanic because of your almost became physically sick as found countless negative feelingsskating rushed father’s protection, we always a way.

I remember I took deep breath and leaped intoand probleminto our heads. parties, the Fair, houseaparties, brief moments at home at our solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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friends friends friends who who who were were were always always always supportive supportive supportive because because because they they they could could could seesee that see that that As we weighed the options, we notified the boys so we all could we we had wetogether. had had something something something special special together. together. pray Gusspecial was intogether. medical school at Chapel Hill and he said he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we I credit I Icredit credit you you you and and and your your your support support support of of my ofmy dreams, mydreams, dreams, and and and allall the allthe good thegood good needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in in in who inwho who I have I Ihave have become. become. become.

I sometimes I Isometimes sometimes think think think that that that wewe we have have have both both both the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall forgotten forgotten forgotten tootoo too many many many of of the ofthe the good good good times times times through through through which which which wewe grew. wegrew. grew. on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and WeWe have Wehave have been been been so so fortunate sofortunate fortunate to to have tohave have been been been blessed blessed blessed to to experience toexperience experience allallall we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. thethe the joyjoy that joythat that lifelife life hashas has brought brought brought us.us.

No us.No No matter matter matter what what what thethe the situation, situation, situation, Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

I know I know I know that that that wewe were wewere were able able able to to find tofind find a smile a asmile smile and and and joyjoy in joyin our inour journey. ourjourney. journey.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comMyMy My deep deep deep love love love and and and passion passion passion have have have never never never wavered wavered wavered from from from munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much informymy my commitment commitment commitment to tomake tomake make you you you happy. happy. happy.

I haven’t I Ihaven’t haven’t always always always been been been mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from perfect perfect perfect and and and have have have disappointed disappointed disappointed you you asaas2,000-pound well aswell well as asmyself, asmyself, myself, but but it it it the highway patrol, they sharedyou that bull but escaped makes makes makes my heart myheart heart ache ache ache that that that you you you would would would ever ever ever question question question my my love mylove love forfor for from amy nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway.

When Krista you. you. you.

I want I want I want your your fullfull heart, full heart, heart, notnot just notjust just a hit part a apart part of of it.ofit.

Not it.Not Not just just just to to get toget back getback back came around a your turn, her headlights this massive animal, with no atime long-lost a along-lost long-lost feeling feeling feeling of of a of youthful, a a youthful, youthful, exuberant, exuberant, exuberant, joyful joyful joyful love, love, love, but but but to toto to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had go go beyond gobeyond beyond that, that, to to a to deeper a adeeper deeper love, love, sharing sharing sharing and and and joy. joy. joy. severe head, sheared offthat, the entire top of love, the car.

Krista suffered neck, and upper-body trauma.

Her asleep at the I still I facial, have have dreams, dreams, butbut only only ones ones I can Iboyfriend, share share with with you. you.

I’mI’m Istill still have dreams, but only ones Ican can share with you.

I’m time, only suffered minor injuries.

Of course, the first priority selfish, selfish, egotistical egotistical and and possessive. possessive.

I don’t I don’t want want to to share mymy existence selfish, egotistical and possessive.

I don’t want toshare share myexistence existence was her life.

If she survived, we were obviously concerned that with with anyone anyone other other than than you. you.

Equally, Equally, I don’t I Idon’t want want you you to to share with anyone other than you.

Equally, don’t want you toshare share with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. your your joyjoy and dreams dreams with with anyone anyone other other than than me. me.

I want I Iwant to to betobe your your joyand and dreams with anyone other than me. want beyour your knight knight in in shining armor. armor.

I want I want to to betobe the one one you you depend depend on.so on.

I want I Iwant knight inshining shining armor.

I want bethe the one you depend on. want The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions she could survive.

Man, she looked like a mummy when she to to be your your hero. hero.

I want I Iwant to to hear hear your your heartbeat heartbeat lying lying next next to to you. you.

I II tobe be your hero. want to hear your heartbeat lying next to you. emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes as our want want you you to towarm warm your your feet feet in in my bed. bed.

Ieverywhere. want I Iwant to to babysit babysit our want you to warm your feet inmy my bed. want toEven babysit our a grandchildren. doctor and experienced surgeon, was shaken. grandchildren.

I want I Iwant to to watch theIthe sun sun setset in Maui with with you you bybyby grandchildren. want towatch watch the sun setin inMaui Maui with you mymy side. side.

I want I want to to cheer ourour children’s children’s accomplishments accomplishments with with you. you.

I II my side.

Iknow want tocheer cheer our children’s accomplishments with you.

And, you it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like want want tobut to play inI in the snow snow with with you.

I want Ionly want tohours to lietolie on on the beach beach rubbing rubbing want toplay inthe the snow with you.

I want lie onthe the beach rubbing days, asplay now speculate it you. was before she awoke lotion lotion on your back. back.

I want I want to to watch a good a agood movie movie under under theas the covers covers lotion onyour your back.

I want towatch watch good under the covers from a on semi-comatose state.

Cheryl and I,movie as well the in in the dark dark with with you. you.

I of want I Iwant toresidual to shop ineffects in art galleries around around thethe inthe the dark with you. want toshop shop inart artgalleries galleries around the doctors, were uncertain any and we had no world world with with you. you.

I want Iitwant to to cry tears tears ofincredible of joy with you. you.

II want I Iwant to to sweat world with you.

I out. want tocry cry tears ofjoy joywith with you. want tosweat wait The most thing remember issweat choice but to working working outout with with you. you.

I want Iher to to float float in in ainpool a apool onon aonhot arespond, summer summer working out with you.

Iwant want to float pool ahot hot summer sat around bed praying for her to I that as we all day day with with you. you.

I want I want to to make make love love to to you. you.

But But mostly mostly what what I want I want day with you.

I want to make love to you.

But mostly what I want noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me,is isis to to see see you smile.” smile.” to seeyou you smile.” not Krista.

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Another Mother’s As if that wasn’tDay enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, would constrict again that during It wasKrista another Mother’s Daymy andcoronaries I was satisfied we her had senior year at Hampton. purchased cards for a nice gift and beautiful cards for both of our moms. a card for my mom, I had Columbus, a chance to select KristaWhile had choosing been dating a young man from who one for Cheryl.

When the kids were young, I helped them pick out followed her to Hampton University to maintain their their cards for her, but at the were oldpicnic enoughintoAugust do that Traditionally, wetime heldthey a summer relationship. their own.

Becauseand sheitwas the mother myof children, turned out to beofone the best.I thought foronfamily and friends she also deserved something special. In addition to a card, I Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we wrote this: had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous “For the weeks,usI’ve wondering whateight-hour would be occasions shepast hadtwo begged to been let her make the something I could get you for looked at drive, but we special consistently vetoed thatMother’s option Day. due I’ve to uncertain dozens of the cardspotential and giftsforand haven’t to decide on weather and driving at been night.able Krista and her anything.

It’s notus, thatpromising you have everything, but time, I don’talternate know of boyfriend begged to take their anything be fitting forInsomeone special you. driving, and that keep would each other awake. the longasrun, she as would areata Hampton lot of definitions of what a mother can be, but ultihaveThere her car for her senior year. mately, I think of the word “protector.” I always think of a mother It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south lion guarding and protecting her cubs. I know of no one who has was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could done it better. From the time of their birth, you have educated arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during them through an atmosphere of work, play, respect, and responsidaylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. bility. You have provided them a religious foundation allowing The worst of my life went something like this:has the phone rang them to call grow closer to God. No mother participated about o’clock morning, waking swimming, us from roller an moreone when it comesinto the games, sports activities, sleep picnic cleanup. gentleman introduced exhausted coasters, and after other the school activities.

YouAhave made them socially himself as a highway patrol officer and stated service that there had conscious by their participation in community and made beenthem a terrible accident involving ourand daughter the highway. understand the responsibility value inon giving back. You She have was in criticalthat condition andhumble in the process of being life-flighted insisted they be and comfortable with those to the University Virginia Medical We needed to getbeen therea less fortunateofor different than Center. themselves.

You have rightrole away. model of kindness and caring. You have given them a sense ofCheryl self-worth confidence to went pursueinto theirpanic dreams.

You and have and and I immediately mode alsobecame been a great example a supportive wife almost physically sick of as what countless negative spouse feelingsand rushed woman and you willand never knowinto how much I heads.should I tookbe, a deep breath leaped problemintoaour appreciate solving mode. that.

We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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Aswe a protector, youoptions, have kept out the of harm’s shielding As weighed the wethem notified boys soway, we all could fromGus drugs, activities, thoseHill that might do praythem together. was alcohol, in medical school atand Chapel and he said themgoing harm.toEven continue to doThat’s all these behe was start today, drivingyou there.

Oh, great! just things what we causeAnother you andchild I know, unlike others, speeding that beingatatwo parent needed. driving on many the freeway, in the doesn’t morning.

Cheryl it, What whichaIgreat knewtestament would fall end whenabsolutely they reachforbade eighteen. to on deaf ears. Jason was that in medical school at Howard and the special mother you are in having raisedUniversity three children we asked him stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. that are sotoaccomplished, well-rounded, compassionate, happy, Driving wouldby only save anAnd hour were exhausted. and loved so many. to and thinkwe that youtoo were able to do all this while at timesKrista teaching, get through medinschool, When Gus arrived, washelping already me in surgery.

He was comresidency, and my practice.

Not to mention putting up with me munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforand about my wild and crazy As family.

You havewhat set the standard for mation her condition. we unraveled happened from a mother truly be.that It’s ano2,000-pound wonder thatbull so many apthe what highway patrol, theyshould shared escaped pear jealousfarm and envious of whatonto you have that defines “Family.” from a nearby and wandered the freeway.

When Krista I love that you are the mother of my children!” came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had Your loving companion, Gus sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the 2003: Our 25th Anniversary time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority thelife. years I’m sure say Iconcerned gave her many wasAs her If passed, she survived, weCheryl were would obviously that wonderful gifts.

There wasshe jewelry—diamonds and pearls—a new with the prior broken neck might suffer paralysis. car, a piano, clothes, a mink fur, a music box and many things I’m The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she sure both she and I have forgotten. We enjoyed those luxuries, but could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she what she seems to cherish most is when I speak from my heart. We emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as beenand married twenty-five years and shaken.

I expressed my love with ahad doctor experienced surgeon, I was this silly poem.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like Years, Don’t Forget! days,25but as IPlease now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from25ayears, semi-comatose please don’t state. forget. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were any and residual effects and we had no I loved youuncertain yesterday,oftoday still yet. out. The most incredible thing I remember is choice to wait 25 but years, pleaseit don’t forget. sat hoped aroundand herprayed bed praying for her to respond, I that How as wewe allboth to find someone to share, noticed had placed of water on her tray. It was for me, Eachwe and every dayaofbottle the year. not Krista.

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forget how I didn’t know quite what to say, As Please if thatdon’t wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, would constrict coronaries WhenKrista we first met, teen nightmy at the YMCA. again during her seniorPlease year at Hampton. don’t forget headbands, hot pants and platform shoes,had been dating a young man from Columbus, who Krista Baseball bottom pants and Afro to hairdos. followed hershirts, to bell Hampton University maintain their Don’t forget house parties and dancing in the dark, relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August Parkedand carsfriends and making out in the and it turned outpark. to be one of the best. for family Don’t forget what a special treat, Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we Me watching you twirl to that Tiger Beat! had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous The Fair, pool, occasions she the had begged us to let her make the eight-hour And meeting after school.vetoed that option due to uncertain drive, but we consistently weather and please the potential for driving at night. Krista and her 25 years, don’t forget. boyfriend begged promising to take their time, alternate Good times, badus, times, through pain or whatever, driving, and we’ve keep accomplished, each other awake. the itlong run, she would All that we’veIndone together. have Don’t her car at Hampton for her senior forget how we couldn’t date, year.

It But was beautiful and supposedly the forecast the drive south weamet secretlyday at USA, to for skate. was perfect.

If they the Ipicnic five o’clock, they could Don’t forget howleft proud would about be, arriveToby midnight and most ofState the with driving have my girlfriend at Kent me. would be during daylight hours.

Reluctantly, gave in and off they went.

Don’t forget staying up we until dawn,

Laughing and all night long. like this: the phone rang The worst call of partying my life went something about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an 25 years and please don’t forget. exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced We burned the midnight oil and studied by any means himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had A teacher, a doctor, we had our dreams. been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

Don’t forget the many friends we love and trust, She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted whoMedical supported the two us. to theEspecially Universitythe ofones Virginia Center.

Weofneeded to get there Both of our families only wanted the best, right away.

And at times they seemed to put us both to the test.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and But when it was all said and done, almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed They supported us coming together as one. into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we options, notified the boys so we all could 25 weighed years andthe please don’twe forget, pray together.

Gus was in medical atwas Chapel Hill and Graduation, medical school,school the best to come yet. he said he wasDon’t goingforget to start driving Oh, great!

That’s just what we how being there. apart made us both ponder, needed.But Another the freeway, at two in as you child know,driving absenceon makes the heartspeeding grow fonder. the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall Remember the Wine Cellar, Hoover Dam and our special on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and date, we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

And my romantic proposal in the spring of ’78.

Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

Remember how poor we were and how little we had, When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comBut looking back on those days, we were never sad. munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforTeaching at Price Hill, UC basketball games and mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from “we’re number one,” the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped The Stevie Wonder concert and my firstborn son. from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista Med school, and finally came around a turn,friends her headlights hitgraduation, this massive animal, with no My family, a diploma, what a celebration. time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had of Canton it would give, shearedThe offuncertainty the entire top of the and car.what Krista suffered severe head, But always happy, no matter where lived. asleep at the neck, facial, and upper-body trauma.

Her we boyfriend, time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority years don’twe forget, was her25life.

If and she please survived, were obviously concerned that never unhappy, not even a little bit. paralysis. with the prior broken neck she might suffer Both of us working and reading until we couldn’t see clear, The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she The next thing you know, Jason was here. could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she Losing your father, we miss him still, emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as Butand good memories we have, Iand always will. a doctor experienced surgeon, waswe shaken.

Thinking how proud he would be and what he would say, And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like If he could just be here with us all today. days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke But somehow, I think he is watching over us now, from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the things happenofthat us know somehow. doctors,Little were uncertain anymake residual effects and we had no Making tough decisions in God we had to trust, choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is our around future home in thepraying C-bus. for her to respond, I her bed that asStarting we all sat grandparents, Ruth noticedAh, wethe had placed a bottle of Ann, waterBo onand herBarbara tray. It Pearl, was for me, not Krista.

Two boys and finally Krista, a girl.

The success we had, we couldn’t have done alone, What fun we had building our dream home.

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Cedar Point, Las Vegas, the of Bahamas, Cancun, As if that wasn’t enough a potential tragedy overcome by DisneyKrista World,would Virginia Beach, where next, the moon? triumph, constrict my coronaries again during her Little League baseball, football, piano and dance recitals, senior year at Hampton. have we gone too far?

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who Cuts, scrapes, bruises and trips to the ER. followed her to Hampton University to maintain their Traditionally, we held relationship.

25 years and please remember when,a summer picnic in August friends and ityou turned out to be one again. of the best. for through family and all this I’d marry a hundred times Dinner, a movietoand timetoalone together maybe, Krista planned return school after the picnic and initially we Now we can make love instead of making a baby. On numerous had made arrangements for her to fly back.

Don’t forget 4th ofbegged July picnics, youletand memake in the egg occasions she had us to her the eight-hour toss, drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain I thought all the decisions, weather andI made the potential for driving at night. Krista and her but we know who’s the boss. boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate Don’t and ever keep think each I could loveawake. another,In the long run, she would driving, other 25 her years other. have carofatsupporting Hampton each for her senior year.

25 please remember It years was aand beautiful day and when, the forecast for the drive south how we got married and I’d do it again. was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could Many things I’ve given, diamonds, fursdriving and gifts arrive by midnight and most of the would be during from every store, daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

I need not buy your affection, The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang but just to show I love you more. about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an While much has been given, much has been received, exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced Our love we’ve given equally, that I truly believe. himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been a terrible accident our daughter on the highway.

25 years and I hope youinvolving don’t mind, Shethe was in hair, critical and and in the of being life-flighted gray thecondition love handles myprocess big behind. to the University of Virginia Medical Center. needed to get there How is it that you won’t age, not one year, We never, right 25 away. years and you look better than ever.

Always all of my heart, I love you,panic I do, mode and Cherylbelieve and with I immediately went into Andbecame tonight,physically I rededicate myaslove to you.negative feelings rushed almost sick countless intoLove, our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problem-

solving Gus mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we notified the boys so we all could My Valentine: My Loving Equation pray together. Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said he was going to start there. great!

That’s justthe what we Simple math saysdriving that the sumOh, of all parts equals needed.

Another child onmake the freeway, speeding at two in whole.

You and mydriving children, me whole! the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall Every day, you amaze me in how you minister to others’ needs. on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and Yes, sometimes you for doing I later God has we asked him to stayI fight put. Ultimately, wewhat decided to realize fly to Virginia. called you to do.save Andan forhour that,and I love Driving would only weyou. were too exhausted.

Every I Krista am overwhelmed your He dedication to When Gusday, arrived, was already in at surgery. was in combeing the Grandmother in hadn’t supplying all much of theinforgirl’s munication with the medicalyou staffarebut gained mation about condition. wepour unraveled what happened needs andherhow much As you into them with lovefrom and the highway that a 2,000-pound bull escaped kindness.patrol, And forthey that,shared I love you. from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista You and I know that parenting doesn’t end when your children came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no home.

YouI saw supply needs.

And forthe that, I love had you. time leave to react.

Later, theall cartheir at the dump and collision Youroffundying loyalty to the your mesevere admire and sheared the entire top of car.friends Krista makes suffered head, for that, trauma.

I love you. neck,respect facial, you. and And upper-body Her boyfriend, asleep at the time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority Every day, I am encouraged and strengthened by was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that your unwavering support in the work that I do to with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. improve the human condition of others. I love the way you The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she fight for me. And for that I love you. could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she Everyfrom day,surgery, sometimes out of the of circumstance, you find emerged wrapped up,worst tubes everywhere. Even as a way to make me smile and laugh.

And for that, I love you. a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

Every theit’s best part of when my day cuddling with like you And, youday, know different it’s isyour kid. It up seemed days,inbut as kissing I now speculate it was hours that before shelove awoke bed, your cheek andonly knowing you me, fromand a Isemi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the love you. doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no And all of these small parts make up the whole of why I choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is love you! that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I Love, noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

Gus 13 97 13

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As if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her senior year at Hampton.

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who followed her to Hampton University to maintain their relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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“What lies behind us, and what lies ahead of us, are but tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ―Ralph Waldo Emerson

C

hapter one reflects my personal philosophy in defining who I was and who I would become. Being a parent is about modeling―modeling your behavior after someone, particularly someone you look up to. From a spiritual perspective, our family strives to become more Christ-like. From a more practical standpoint, I wanted to become more like my parents.

Don’t get me wrong! Like most teenagers, I went through adolescent rebellion. I believed I was so far away from what my parents represented, and that I would never see myself close to where they were at the time. I matured. As a result, people began to tell me I was a perfect blend of my mother and father. My mother was a firecracker, a pit bull, unrelenting, unapologetic for her opinions and position on matters, a mother bear defending her cubs with dogged determination. My father was calm, methodical, practical, hard-working, and consistent. He gave of himself tirelessly for the benefit of others. That would make me sound 15 15

MINING MINING DIAMONDS DIAMONDS

As if good that wasn’t a potential overcome by pretty if I wereenough able to of possess a blendtragedy of both their qualities, triumph, my coronaries however,Krista in mywould mind I constrict fell remarkably short. Butagain I tried.during I think her one senior at gratifying Hampton. things I did was to deliver part of the eulogy of theyear most atKrista my father’s funeral.

He was the model the head of my had been dating a young manI chose from as Columbus, who household. long-standing sitcom, Seinfeld, George their Confollowed herFrom to the Hampton University to maintain stanza was one of my father’s favorite characters.

In one Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in episode, August relationship.

George gave these words of wisdom at a funeral and I shared for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. them as well with my eulogy of Dad. Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we Wisdom had Words made ofarrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions had begged to life let isher make the eight-hour “Theshe most unfair thing us about the way it ends.

I mean, life drive, but weIt takes consistently to uncertain is tough. up a lot vetoed of yourthat time.option What due do you get at the weather and thedeath? potential forthat, driving at night. heris end of it? A What’s a bonus?

I thinkKrista the lifeand cycle boyfriend begged You us, should promising to get takethat their time, alternate all backwards. die first; out of the way.

Then driving, keep each thegetlong run,out sheforwould you and go live in an oldother folk’sawake. home. In You kicked being havetoo herhealthy, car at Hampton herpension, senior year. go collectfor your and then when you start to get a gold first for day.the Youdrive worksouth forty Itwork, was you a beautiful daywatch and on the your forecast until young enoughabout to enjoy retirement.

You was years perfect.

If you’re they left the picnic five your o’clock, they could drink you party, andofyou ready for high school.

You arrive by alcohol, midnight and most thegetdriving would be during go tohours. primary school, you a kid, you have no daylight Reluctantly, we become gave in and offyou theyplay, went. responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back, you spend The worst my life floating went something like this: phone rang your lastcall nineofmonths with luxuries like the central heating, about in tap, the and morning, from an spa,one roomo’clock service on then youwaking finish offus as an orgasm. sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced exhausted Amen!” himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had was Gus Parker?involving our daughter on the highway. beenWho a terrible accident She was critical condition andGus, in the processor of Bo. being Toinsome of you, he was Garland, Helife-flighted was a husto the University of Virginia Medical Center.an Weuncle, needed to get and therea band, a grandfather, a brother-in-law, a friend rightfather. away. As far back as I can remember, he was my teacher, my confidant, my protector, my inspiration, my joy, my friend, my Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and pride, my security, my support, my counsel, my hero. He was the almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed one who ran alongside me until I could stay up on two wheels on into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemthe bumpy, brick streets of Hawthorne Avenue. He was the one solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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who pickthe outoptions, and decorate the Christmas Heall was the As wehelped weighed we notified the boystree. so we could pray together.

Gus was in me medical school at Chapel Hill and he said one who helped teach to swim, throw a baseball, basketball, he and was football. going toHe start driving there. great!

That’s we was the one whoOh, took me on that just greatwhat advenneeded. driving the freeway, speeding two in ture ofAnother cleaningchild up his rentalon property.

He was the one at who was thethere morning.

Cheryl absolutely it, which I knew would smiling at almost every forbade Little League game, win or lose. fall He on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and was the guy―the only guy I knew who had a color movie camera we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. back in the early 1950s, who was taking pictures of every Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. important event in our lives. And, we are blessed to still have When Gus arrived, those videos today.Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforHeabout was the who made sure I understood the meaning of mation her one condition.

As we unraveled what happened from workpatrol, and a they job well done. made me understand the thehard highway shared thatHea 2,000-pound bull escaped pride and importance of being a onto strong African American male. from a nearby farm and wandered the freeway.

When Krista Hearound made sure I knew to treat others respect, particularly came a turn, her headlights hit thiswith massive animal, with no time to react.

Later,older I sawthan the car theeveryone dump and the collision women, anyone me,at and who earned it. had sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, He made sure I understood basic auto maintenance and how neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the to work with tools. He made me understand the importance of time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority as he gave tirelessly to the YMCA, that the wascommunity her life. If service she survived, we were obviously concerned church, andbroken homeless shelters.

He suffer showed me the example of a with the prior neck she might paralysis. loving and supportive spouse in his devotion to my mother.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she made sure I understood valuea ofmummy teamwork, loyalty, couldHesurvive.

Man, she lookedthelike when she emerged from surgery, wrapped everywhere. as and friendship.

He was the one up, whotubes beamed with pride Even and got a doctor andnerves experienced I waswith shaken. on your a littlesurgeon, too much stories of all of his children’s and grandchildren’s accomplishments. was the one And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid.He It seemed like who welcomed of my college intobefore our home to eat, days, but as I nowall speculate it wasbrothers only hours she awoke from a semi-comatose Cheryl tell lies, and laugh untilstate. we were sick. and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no He was the one who didn’t tolerate excessive foul language, choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is drugs, or excessive drinking. He was the one who worked extra that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I as a bartender at a country club he wasonnot join he noticed we had placed a bottle of water herallowed tray. It to was forsome, buy us the things we really didn’t need. notcould Krista.

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was wasn’t the oneenough who took in histragedy lawn, and flowers,by As He if that of apride potential overcome and home, andwould made us respect my the homes of others. was the triumph, Krista constrict coronaries againHe during her one year who at made fun of my girlfriend, who became my wife, and senior Hampton. loved her for who she was and for loving me. He was the Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who one who made sure I understood the importance of family. He followed her to Hampton University to maintain their was simply the one who made me a man. relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August He wasand a devoted spouse.

He loved deeply. friends and it turned out tomy be mother one of the best. They for family were inseparable. Even in mom’s illness, he was devoted to her Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we and faithfully spent time with her visiting every day, twice per had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous day until his own illness no longer allowed him to do so. They occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour are an eternal love story. drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain Manyand of you wondered illness shortened dad’s weather thehave potential for what driving at night.

Krista andlife? her Yes, emphysema, but ultimately, he may have succumbed to a boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate brokenand heart when mom could no longer faithful driving, keep each other awake.

In therecognize long run,her she would companion. have her car at Hampton for her senior year. many of you he day was ‘Bo.’ High for School, wassouth the ItTowas a beautiful and At the East forecast the he drive little guy who ran the the about footballfive field with the bowed was perfect.

If they left ball the on picnic o’clock, they could legs.

He was a Buccaneer, a Y’s man, a St. Philip’s Churchman. arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during He washours. a competitive golfer. daylight Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

Onworst New call Year’s Eve, many you knewlike where be.

The of my life wentofsomething this:you the would phone rang He was who knew how morning, to throw a waking party. Barbara and Boan about onea guy o’clock in the us from didn’t just eat, after drink,the and be merry.

Every party included some sleep picnic cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted crazy game or activity.patrol officer and stated that there had himself as a highway beenHe a was terrible accident involving our on theThe highway. the ringmaster at the great 4thdaughter of July picnics. only She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted place in town where you could eat, drink, play cards, volleyball to and the University of Virginia Center.

We needed toslide get there egg toss, throw waterMedical balloons, and do the electric all right away. day until dark and then sit down in a lawn chair and watch the fireworks in the yard.

Cheryl right and overhead I immediately went into panic mode and almost sick as countless feelings rushed Webecame were allphysically better for knowing him. He negative was simply a treasure. into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemHe truly lived the American dream and was a genuine success solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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story. of mythe sister’s andwe mynotified favoritethe poems As we One weighed options, boysissoby weBessie all could Stanley andGus it reads: pray together. was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said he was‘He going start driving there. just whatoften, we hastoachieved success whoOh, hasgreat! lived That’s well, laughed needed.

Another child driving on thethe freeway, at twomen, in and loved much; who has gained respectspeeding of intelligent theand morning.

Cheryl forbadewho it, which I knew and the love absolutely of little children; has filled hiswould niche fall and on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth’s When Gus wasit;already inalways surgery.

He was combeauty, or arrived, failed toKrista express who has looked forinthe best munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforin others, and given the best he had; whose life was an mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from inspiration, whose memory a benediction.’ Thank you, Dad!” the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no Mytoparents were I tireless commitment back time react. Later, saw theincartheir at the dump and to thegiving collision hadto others inoffthe My through numerous sheared thecommunity. entire top of themother, car. Krista suffered severe service head, organizations, community, and churchHer seemed to be atasleep the forefront neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. boyfriend, at the time, only suffered injuries. course, League, the firstJack priority of every effort.

Yeah, minor we were in ChildOfGuidance & Jill, was her life.

If she survived, we were obviously concerned and church youth groups, and at times we dreaded going tothat the with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. service projects. Somehow, they made the work fun and gratifying.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she “Everyone can be great, because can serve.” could survive.

Man, she looked likeeveryone a mummy when she ―Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

As an adult, I remember one time I had tickets to the hottest And, yougame knowinit’s different when youragainst kid. It Indiana, seemed like basketball town.

It was Ohioit’s State both days, nowten. speculate it was rankedbut in as theI top The game was only on hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state. wait Cheryl a Tuesday night and I couldn’t to and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any ask my father to go to the gameresidual with effects and we had no choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is me. He seemed less enthusiastic when I that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I asked him to join me. He said that noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, Tuesday was the night he volunteered not Krista. at Faith Mission to feed the homeless.

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Asthe if time, that Iwasn’t enough of he a potential At didn’t even know did that. tragedy overcome by triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her “Can’t you miss this one time?” I asked. senior year at Hampton.

He replied, “Thanks, but ask one of your buddies to go and enjoy Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who yourself.” followed her to Hampton University to maintain their I went toTraditionally, the game butwe really didn’t enjoy myself. we held a summer picnic Iinknow August relationship. and and upset Indiana, I wasout humbled and could think won friends andbut it turned to be one of all theIbest. for family about was how much I respected and admired my old man Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we for his commitment and dedication to serving others. Now, I had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous can only imagine how much I would have enjoyed being with my occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour father and serving those in need. I’m thankful there were other drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain great games we were able to share together and other weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her opportunities to serve together. My father was a great man. boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would people are for ordinary peopleyear. who have committed have her “Great car at Hampton her senior to a cause greater than themselves.”

It was a beautiful day―Author and the forecast for the drive south Unknown was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrive midnight most inofand thefordriving would be we during As by leaders and as and advocates our communities, must daylight hours.

Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. instill in young African American males the expectation to develop into upstanding, law-abiding, educated, men. rang We The worst call of my life went something like spiritual this: the phone must one teacho’clock youngin men proper comportment in their about the morning, waking us from an relationships other men, and their families.

Being a sleepwith afterwomen, the picnic cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted man is as notaa highway feeling. Being a man is anand action.

The act of becoming himself patrol officer stated that there hada man ais terrible learned. accident We mustinvolving be an example, the reflection what a been our daughter on the of highway. man be.condition For mentors, involves realizing the She wasshould in critical and in thethis process of being life-flighted have to Medical use ourCenter. influence positively toresponsibility the Universitywe of Virginia We to needed to getimpact there our communities.

We need to tell our story, give back, and mentor. right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and “I don’t physically want to be successful, I want to be significant.” almost became sick as countless negative feelings rushed ―Rosey Grier into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As weighed the options, wehonored notifiedtothe so we allspeaker could In we 2018, I was privileged and beboys the keynote pray together.

Gus was in medical at Chapel Hill andMilitaire. he said for my beloved Kappa Alpha Psi school Fraternity’s Beautillion he was going to startitdriving Oh, great!

That’s justfirst what weI I vividly remember becausethere. it brought me back to the time needed.

Another driving on the at two in was asked to be achild keynote speaker for afreeway, banquet.speeding At that time, I had the morning.

Cherylfrom absolutely forbade it, was which I knew would fall recently graduated med school and beginning residency. on deafmy ears.

Jason was in medical school athealth Howard University and It was volunteer work in a community clinic that allowed we to stay as put.

Ultimately, we decided to flyIn tothe Virginia. measked to be him recognized a potential leader and mentor. past, I Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. had tried to be a leader in high school and college but serving as a When Gus arrived, wasItalready surgery. Hegraduation was in comkeynote speaker was Krista different. was theinculminating of munication withprogram the medical staff but hadn’t minority gained much inforour mentoring comprised of aspiring high school mation about As we unraveled what happened from students fromher an condition. at-risk community. the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped Thea nearby Kappa farm Alpha programonto offers mentoring, guidance, from andPsi wandered the freeway.

When Krista self-awareness, college preparation, leadership training and scholarcame around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no ships. a Later, periodI of several these and young endured time to For react. saw the carmonths, at the dump the men collision had rigorous training and education to prepare them for the next phase sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, neck, facial, of their lives.and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority Not only was I honored but I was nervous as I weighed the was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that gravity of the responsibility in hopefully inspiring the next with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. generation. As I looked around the room, I imagined being one of The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she the students. I remembered how my parents took me to similar could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she banquets as a youth. Would I be bored or disinterested? I know at emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as times I was, and this would be my challenge. a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

I looked at my fellow fraternity brothers and wanted to gain their And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like respect to honor occasion significant, days, butbyasdoing I nowjustice speculate it wasthe only hours with beforea she awoke inspiring, and entertaining message.

And, I felt the awesome from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the responsibility giving this talk residual in the center of Johnson Smith doctors, were in uncertain of any effects and we C. had no University, historically Blackmost college (HBCU)thing in Charlotte, North it out. The incredible I remember is choice but toawait herracially bed praying for times. her toI said respond, I that as weparticularly all sat around Carolina, during polarizing a silent noticed we had placed bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, prayer before giving theafollowing remarks. not Krista.

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in Achievement AsInvesting if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, coronariesin again during her “OurKrista themewould for thisconstrict eveningmy is Investing Achievement and senior year at Hampton. by its very nature it seems to speak to two groups, our mentors and mentees.

All of know fundamental purpose Krista had been dating a you young manthefrom Columbus, who achievement in every field of human of Kappa Alpha Psi is followed her to Hampton University to maintain their is. Webster’s says it endeavor. We all know what Traditionally, we achievement held a summer picnic in August relationship. is family to accomplish something, especially superior and it turned out to by be one of theability, best. special for and friends effort, or great courage.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we our mentees may, in their young lives, doubts had Some made ofarrangements for her to fly back.

Onhave numerous or question indeed they have necessary occasions she ifhad begged us tosuperior let her ability, make or thetheeight-hour effortbut or courage it takes tovetoed achievethat their dreams. you need drive, we consistently option due But to uncertain look noand further the men in this room.

They all have weather the than potential for driving at night.

Krista and rich, her incredible, and dramatic stories from whence they came and from boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate now where ask them, they’ll you. driving, and they keepstand. each Just other awake.

In the tell long run, she would haveFor herthe carmentors: at Hampton for her senior year.or something of value to to invest―to put money use, by purchase or expenditure, something potential It was a beautiful day and theinforecast for offering the drive south or a profitable return; to give or devote time, talent or energy for was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could the purpose of achieving to furnish power, arrive by midnight and mostsomething; of the driving wouldwith be during authority or rank; and to infusein and or endow with a desired daylight hours.

Reluctantly, we gave off they went. quality or characteristic.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang no greater investment you ever about Mentors, one o’clock in the morning,will waking us make from than an investingsleep in a after young And no Agreater reward will you theperson. picnic cleanup. gentleman introduced exhausted ever reap the pride, satisfaction, and the gratification youhad will himself as athan highway patrol officer and stated that there receive in knowing youinvolving played aour role in thatonyoung person’s been a terrible accident daughter the highway. future Mentors, I’veand heard it said that of you make a living by She was success. in critical condition in the process being life-flighted you get, you make a life by what you give. towhat the University of Virginia Medical Center.

We needed to get there rightBut away. if I were a young person, a mentee, this might be my message Cherylto you, and the I mentors: immediately went into panic mode and almost becameWe physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed Sermons See into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemI’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day. solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus I’d rather one would walk with me, than merely tell the way. flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As weighed options, we notified the boys so we all could Thewe eye’s a betterthe pupil, more willing than the ear, pray together. was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said Fine counselGus can be confusing, he was going to always start driving But example’s clear. there. Oh, great! That’s just what we needed.

Another child driving on freeway, speeding at two in And the best of all the preachers arethe the men who live their creeds, the For morning.

Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall to see good put in action is what everybody needs. on deaf Jasontowas Howard University and I soonears. can learn do itinifmedical you’ll letschool me see at it done. we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

I can watch your hands in action, Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

But your tongue too fast may run.

When Gus arrived, Krista was in surgery.

And the lecture you deliver, mayalready be very wise and true,He was in communication withget the staff but hadn’t gained But I’d rather mymedical lessons by observing what you do. much information condition. you As we what happened from For Iabout might her misunderstand and unraveled the high advice you give, the But highway patrol, they shared how thatyou a 2,000-pound bull there’s no misunderstanding act and how you live.escaped from a nearby ―Edgar Guest farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no time react.

Later, I saw the carI at dump and the collision Astothe introduction revealed, amthe a medical doctor.

Doctor ishad the sheared the entire top of the car. achievement Krista suffered severe highest off educational, intellectual, title youhead, can neck, facial, and upper-body trauma.

Her boyfriend, asleep at the obtain. My parents didn’t have a college degree, but they had time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority wisdom beyond what a formal education could offer. Students, was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that don’t think you can’t learn from anyone and everyone regardless with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. of their station in life or their title. Don’t get hung up on titles.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she It reminds me of a story. There were five people traveling by could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she small plane tosurgery, a destination whenup, the tubes engineeverywhere. failed. ThereEven was the emerged from wrapped as pilot of course, President Obama, a doctor of physics, a hiker, and a a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. priest. Five people but only four parachutes.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like Thebut pilot from the cockpit andonly stated that before he hadshe undergone days, ascame I now speculate it was hours awoke from a rigorous semi-comatose Cheryl and industry I, as well as the years of training state. and that the airline had invested doctors, were uncertain of anytoresidual effects had no in him to have the expertise fly planes that and cost we millions of wait it out.be The most incredible I remember is choice dollars.but Hetofelt it would a shame to waste allthing that talent.

They all sat around bed prayingand for jumped her to respond, I that as weHe alltook nodded. one of her the parachutes out of the noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, plane. President Obama said that he had tried to do what he could not Krista. for the good of the country and many considered him a national 9723 23

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As if thatWith wasn’t potential and tragedy overcome treasure. that,enough he tookofa aparachute jumped out of by the triumph, Kristawas would constrict coronaries again during plane. Next the Ph.D., the my doctor of physics, who statedher by senior year at Hampton. virtue of his title and discipline he was considered to be one of the most intelligent mendating in the aworld andman that from shouldColumbus, be valued. who With Krista had been young that, he took parachute and jumped from to the plane.

Theretheir was followed her a to Hampton University maintain only one parachute left for we the held hiker aand the eighty-year-old priest.

Traditionally, summer picnic in August relationship. priestand stated, “My sonit Iturned have lived long fruitful friends and out toa be oneand of the best. life. You forThe family take the parachute. You are young, energetic and have your whole Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we life ahead arrangements of you to accomplish things.” hiker had made for her great to fly back. The On young numerous sitting there shirt, us shorts, andher hiking boots “Pastor, occasions she in hada tee begged to let make thesaid, eight-hour neither us hasconsistently to die. You see the doctor who declared was one drive, butofwe vetoed that option due to he uncertain of the smartest on the planet just jumped out of the plane weather and themen potential for driving at night.

Krista and with her my backpack.” boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate driving, and keep each awake.

In thethan longIQs. run, she would Remember, ‘I can’ is aother lot more important have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

Yeah, doctors like to think they’re smart. A nurse rushed into a It was office a beautiful forecast the you drivejust south doctor’s one dayday and and said,the “Doctor, the for woman gave was perfect.

If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could a clean bill of health to just dropped dead on the doorstep as she arrive by midnight andlooking most of the driving during was leaving.”

Without up from his desk,would he said,be“Turn her daylight hours.

Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. around so it looks like she was coming in.”

The worst callis ofimportant. my life went likewas this: one the phone Education Mysomething grandfather of therang first about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from Blacks to receive a law degree from The Ohio State University. an He sleep after the picnic cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted became Chief Justice Augustus Garland Parker, the first African himself as achief highway officer andourstated that there had American justicepatrol in Ohio.

He was 12th Grand Polemarch been a terrible accident our daughter (national president) and involving a very wise man.

He toldon methe nothighway. to worry She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted about titles but to get enough education so you will never have to to look the University of Virginia Center.

Weso needed to get up to anyone.

Then,Medical get a little more you will bethere wise right away. enough not to look down on anyone either.

Cheryl and immediately wentourinto mode and Mentees: we allI need help reaching goalspanic and potential.

My almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed father said, “If you see a turtle sitting on top of a fence post, you I took deephelp breath andthere.” leapedEven intothough probleminto ourheheads. know must have hada some getting you solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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Asreceive we weighed thejourney options,iswe notified the You boyswill so we allthat could will help, the yours to take. find the pray together. was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said journey will beGus difficult, challenging, and often lonely. he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we You may have doubts. You may find that the true enemy may lie needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in within. You may have voices within telling you that it’s too hard, the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall socially unpopular, or that you can’t do it. But I’m here to tell you that on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and if you can overcome the enemy within, the enemy without can do you we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. no harm. You are a seed. And you may need someone to water you Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. to grow.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with themay medical stafftobut hadn’t some gained “You just have go through dirtmuch information about her condition.

Asbloom we unraveled what happened from before you and become a rose.”

—Unknown the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista came around a turn, her hit this massive animal, with may no Don’t be a follower, be headlights a leader. Some of your so-called friends time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had say you’re crazy. But you must be careful calling someone crazy. sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, There wasand a crazy man who stoodHer on boyfriend, the cornerasleep on Saturday neck, facial, upper-body trauma. at the mornings my hometown and people offered choice time, only insuffered minor injuries.

Of course, thehim firstthe priority was her life.

If sheand survived, obviously that between a nickel a dime.we Hewere would always concerned take the nickel. with the prior broken neck she might suffer People showed up every morning to see him paralysis. over and over again take the nickel and laugh at his stabilized ignorance. Iher felt sorry the manso andshe one The initial surgery vital for functions

day I asked him why always took the I assumed he didn’t could survive.

Man,heshe looked likenickel? a mummy when she understand thesurgery, monetarywrapped value system and took the nickel because emerged from up, tubes everywhere.

Even asit a doctor surgeon, I was shaken. was larger.and Heexperienced told me that if he ever took the dime, people would stop showing up and would get no money at all.

And, you know it’shedifferent when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, as have I nowtospeculate it was onlyWe hours before she awoke Youbut may delay gratification. tend to want difficult from a semi-comatose state.

Cheryl and I, as well as things to come to us easily. You don’t go to sleep on the 24th the and doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no wake up on the 25th and decide to go out and run a marathon. And choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is you don’t decide in your sophomore, junior, or senior year that you’re that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I going to be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, engineer or business owner. You noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, have to have preparation and a plan. Grandma said, “plan your work not Krista. and work your plan.”

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AsTalk if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome about delaying gratification.

I heard a story aboutbya triumph, would coronaries her Chinese Krista man who theconstrict villagersmy thought was again crazy. during He wanted to grow plant, more specifically, a bamboo tree. In Chinese senior year ata Hampton. culture, the bamboo tree is valued for its strength, beauty, Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who and medicinal purposes. The man planted seed and every followed her to Hampton University to maintain their day he watered and fertilized a spot on the ground. For days, relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August weeks and months, nothing happened. This went on for years for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. until year five when the tree finally grew. Within five weeks, it Krista planned to grown return to school after thequestion picnic and we had miraculously ninety feet.

The is, initially did it grow had made to The fly answer back. is On numerous ninety feet arrangements in five weeks orfor fiveher years? obvious. occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour It grew ninety feet in five years. If at any time during the drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain five years the man had stopped watering and fertilizing, the weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her bamboo tree would have died in the ground. I can see the boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate people in the village coming out looking and saying, “Hey man driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would what you are doing? You’re trying to grow a bamboo tree? have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

Why, even Stevie Wonder can see ain’t nothing happening.”

It was beautiful and laughing the forecast for Some the drive south After fivea years, theyday stopped at him. of you may be tempted stop left nurturing yourabout dream. no, you’ve got to was perfect. Iftothey the picnic fiveBut o’clock, they could persevere and continue fight.of the driving would be during arrive by midnight and tomost daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

Sometimes where you come from, how poor you may be, The worst call of face, my life went something like this: rang the obstacles you may seem unfair. Realize thatthe in phone this country about onehave o’clock in theStrive morning, waking us from an true equality. to be excellent! we don’t exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced Weaslive in a country White become himself a highway patrol where officermediocre and stated thatmen there had CEOs and presidents of major corporations because of White been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway. privilege. We live in a country where an ignorant White She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted television celebrity can become president of the United States. But to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there don’t let it make you bitter, let it make you better. All White folks right away. are not your enemies and not all Black folks are your friends.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and Defy the odds.

Be like the bee.

When feelings I took physics, almost became physically sick as bumble countless negative rushed I learned that the bumble bee’s wings are too short to support into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemits body weight flight. But the beeand doesn’t know that. versus It solving mode.

We in contacted the airlines weighed driving flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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never took physics, sooptions, it goes about its business and so flys allall over the As we weighed the we notified the boys we could pray together. was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said place.

Fly and Gus rise to unimaginable heights. he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we A student asked me how long it would take to become a doctor. I needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in told them it would take about nine years. They replied, “Do you the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall know I will in nine years?” told them you’ll beand the on deafhow ears.old Jason was be in medical school atI Howard University same agehim whether orput. not Ultimately, you go on we to become But nine we asked to stay decidedatodoctor. fly to Virginia. years later you’ll look back say, if Iwe had applied myself then, I’d Driving would only save anand hour and were too exhausted. be through by now.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with theMentors, medical mentees, staff but ithadn’t inforIt won’t be easy. won’tgained be easy,much but you’ve mation about her condition. got to do the best you can. As we unraveled what happened from the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped A judge sentenced an eighty-year-old man to thirty years in prisfrom a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista on foraround a horrible crime committed. man pleaded with the came a turn, herhe headlights hitThe thisold massive animal, with no judge and said, “Your Honor, at my age, I won’t be able to live long time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had enough off to do lookedsuffered at the man andhead, said, sheared thethirty entireyears.” top ofThe the judge car. Krista severe “Just facial, do the and best upper-body you can.” trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the neck, time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority As we look to how we can invest in achievement, I say to the was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that mentors and mentees, your journey may be difficult, it may take with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. time. You may be faced with challenges; you may be discouraged.

The initial surgery stabilized shea At times, you may fall short of yourher loftyvital goals.functions God mayso have could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she different plan for you―not yet revealed. It may not be your ultimate emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as plan, but it will be God’s plan. In your pursuit of your vision, know a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. that you have to do the best you can!”

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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As if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her senior year at Hampton.

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who followed her to Hampton University to maintain their relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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“The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you found out why.” ―Mark Twain

N

ewsflash!

Becoming a physician is hard!

When I was about eight years old, I remember thinking the smartest, most influential and powerful man I knew was my grandfather, whose name I bore. My grandfather was a lawyer, a city council member, a judge, the national president of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc., and a chief justice of the Cleveland Municipal Court―the first Black chief justice in Ohio. He had many other accomplishments, accolades, awards, and titles too numerous to mention.

I observed the way people treated him and I admired it. It made me feel important just being his grandson. I was too young when we lost him, probably about ten years old. I was also too young to understand all the shared stories about what a character he was.

As I grew older, I learned to appreciate how easily he navigated the mean streets of Cleveland. He comfortably conversed and held 29 29

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court area residents on the tragedy street corner, or with As if with that wasn’t enough hanging of a potential overcome by heads ofKrista government and other officials.

He her was triumph, would constrict myhigh-ranking coronaries again during everybody’s man about town. When I was asked what I wanted to senior year at Hampton. be, I would easily tell everyone I wanted to be a judge. Grandpa Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who would ask me, “Don’t you want to be a lawyer?” And I would say, followed her to Hampton University to maintain their “No, just a judge.” relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August and it turned out one of the for family and friends As I matured, I developed a desire toto bebe a leader andbest.

I thirsted for the enjoyment cametofrom theafter same to we my Krista planned that to return school theadmiration picnic and given initially grandfather.

I craved it. I for thinkher egotois often viewed a negative had made arrangements fly back.

Onas numerous quality. On contrary, served methe welleight-hour in striving occasions she the had beggedI believe us to itlethasher make to bebut the we best in producing vetoed results that ultimately a greater drive, consistently option dueserve to uncertain good while me with genuineatfeeling self-worth. weather and rewarding the potential for adriving night.of Krista and her boyfriend us,with promising to take that their alternate I credit begged my parents several qualities theytime, gave me which driving, and keep each other awake.

In the long run, she would drove my success. I have my mother’s dogged determination and have her car at Hampton for her asenior year. pit bull-mentality in protecting sacred trust to do what is right for those less afortunate. wasthe tough!

It was beautifulGod, dayshe and forecast for the drive south was Iperfect.

If they the picnic about five o’clock, could also share myleftfather’s calm, methodical, and they diplomatic arrive by midnight mosteven of the driving be disaster. during approach to every and problem, in the face ofwould potential daylight hours.gave Reluctantly, we gavefor in an andengaged off they diplomacy went.

These skills me a blueprint in my daily interactions withlife every and every I encounThe worst call of my wentchallenge something like this:person the phone rang tered. one This o’clock led to leadership positions such as student council about in the morning, waking us from an member, sleep class after officer, captain of the football team, among the and picnic cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted others.asWhen I contemplated the prospect becoming lawyer himself a highway patrol officer and of stated that athere hador judge, I couldn’t foreseeinvolving the direct our anddaughter immediate that my been a terrible accident onimpact the highway. labor produce.

I sought a more direct emotional connection She waswould in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted my efforts. of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there to to the University rightI away. was consistently proficient and interested in science and began to look for other models in our community.

Whenmode I looked Cheryl and Irole immediately went into panic andat other became African physically American sick physicians in the negative community, I recognized almost as countless feelings rushed many the Isame that I and saw leaped in my into grandfather. heads. took qualities a deep breath problem- I into our of witnessed respect, they had versus on the solving mode.the Weadmiration, contacted the airlinesand and effect weighed driving flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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families caredthe for.options, I also appreciated theall commuAs we they weighed we notifiedthe theimpact boys soinwe could pray together.

Gus was ininmedical Chapel Hill and he said nity they had as leaders church, school school,atand government. he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we Later, my stature in the medical field afforded me the needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in opportunity to serve on admissions committees for The Ohio State the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall University of Medicine theatUniversity of Cincinnati on deaf ears.College Jason was in medicaland school Howard University and College of Medicine.

Students are always asked, “Why do you we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. want towould become a doctor?”

The obligatory answer given by every Driving only save an hour and we were too exhausted. prospective medical student is, “I want to help people.” In my early When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comyears, I too,with was the learning mystaff purpose―to serve.

In much becoming munication medical but hadn’t gained infor-a physician, I could satisfy that mation about her condition.

Asneed. we unraveled what happened from the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped By the time I was a junior in high school, I decided to become a from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista doctor. I told no one. I had observed way too many fellow students came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no who proclaimed their dream to family and friends fall flat on their time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had face afteroffthethe first hightop school chemistry or physics exam.

I kept my sheared entire of the car. Krista suffered severe head, dreamfacial, pretty much to a very close Her circle.

In college thereatwere neck, and upper-body trauma. boyfriend, asleep the students declared that their major pre-med. asked I time, onlywho suffered minor injuries.

Ofwas course, the When first priority would was hersay, life.“Biology.”

If she survived, we were obviously concerned that with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

I feared failure and considered that the practice of medicine The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she might be a bridge too far. There weren’t any doctors in our family could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she and self-doubt crept in. I really didn’t think I was smart enough. emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as The deck seemed stacked against me and I realized early on that a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. this might be a very lonely journey. I had always performed well in And, you know your kid.before It seemed like school, keeping upit’s anddifferent studyingwhen one orit’s two nights an exam. days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke Again, my ego came into play. I enjoyed good grades and observing from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the my parents’ pride. College pre-med was another story. doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no out.along The most I remember is choice but to wait Everything that it came with incredible becoming athing doctor―the money, sat and around her Ibed for her respond, I that as we all admiration, fame fortune, tookpraying for granted.

Theto cutthroat and noticed we had placed aaccompanied bottle of waterbyon racism, her tray.nepotism, It was for me, competitive behavior, and not Krista. favoritism to gain entrance into medical school was something I had 97 31 31

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never was of I ready for. Mytragedy first college pre-med As if experienced that wasn’t nor enough a potential overcome by biology class Kent State set themy stage for what was to come. triumph, Kristaat would constrict coronaries again during her senior year at Hampton.

Krista hadanbeen dating aclassroom young man I entered auditorium filledfrom with Columbus, about three who hunfollowed her to Hampton University to maintain their dred prospective doctors. As usual, all thirty of us―the Black weback. heldThere a summer picnic August relationship. students―satTraditionally, together in the were only two in tests in the friends and it turned out to be one of the best. forquarter, family aand midterm and a final. In preparation for the midterm, I took copious notes, was attentive justand as Iinitially did in high Krista planned to return to schooland afterstudied, the picnic we school.

When I received the result posted outside the classroom, had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous I was smacked with the reality dream come to an occasions she had begged us tothat letmy her makewould the eight-hour abrupt a D! vetoed that option due to uncertain drive, butend. weI received consistently weather and unsure the potential forand driving at night.

Kristaback andtoher Suddenly of myself my future, I reflected one boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate of my high school teachers who suggested I attend vocational driving, and keep each other awake.

In the material. long run,It she school because I might not really be college waswould Friday have her car at Hampton for her senior year. and over the weekend I contemplated my approach for the rest of the I went to day classand that the following Monday, down, and It quarter. was a beautiful forecast for thesat drive south noticed something odd.picnic Of theabout thirty five Blacko’clock, studentsthey whocould sat in was perfect.

If they very left the the back, I was the and only most one inofattendance.

I immediately arrive by midnight the driving would be thought during ( that I must have missed a BUS (Black United Students meeting, daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. some kind of boycott, or some other event. After class, I went to the The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang professor’s office to fight for my dream. about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an Even though I didn’t an cleanup. appointment, he welcomed me in. I sleep after thehave picnic A gentleman introduced exhausted explained him that patrol I had received D onstated the midterm.

He stood himself as atohighway officer aand that there had up, turned his back and dismissively said, “Oh, well you didn’t been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway. have make an appointment to drop course; you just She wastoin critical condition andtoinsee theme process of the being life-flighted to go to ofthe Bursar’s officeCenter. like the Hegetseemed tohave the University Virginia Medical Weothers.” needed to there shocked to learn I refused to drop the course and wanted a tutor. right away.

More specifically, I inquired about what I needed to do to receive an Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and A on the final. almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed helped me secure tutor,leaped a gradinto assistant.

I’m I took a deep breatha and probleminto Reluctantly, our heads. he going mode. to tell you a secret that White students never did versus tell me solving We contacted the the airlines and weighed driving flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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and will the never tell you. tutorsthe not onlysoknow maAsprobably we weighed options, weThe notified boys we allthe could terialtogether. to drill you alsoschool have knowledge andand sometimes pray Guson, wasbut in they medical at Chapel Hill he said he was going startfor driving there. Oh, Igreat!

That’s just what we help write thetotests the professors. studied hard, showed up needed.

Another on an the Afreeway, two ina early and stayedchild late. driving I received on the speeding final and at earned the Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would falla B+ morning. for the course.

Another secret!

For future difficult courses, I got on deaf ears. IJason wastrouble. in medical school at Howard University and tutor before got into we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

“They tried to bury me, but I was a seed, and I started to grow.”

When Gus arrived, Krista―was already in surgery. He was in comMexican Proverb munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much information about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from Behind the scenes, I heard how the grad assistants and professors the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped made fun of Black students about how ill-equipped they were from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista coming out of some Cleveland, Akron, and Youngstown inner-city came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no schools.

When my Ifamily fromdump the Columbus East High time to react.

Later, saw themoved car at the and the collision had School district (predominantly Black) my sister and I were one of a sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, few Black in Whitehall-Yearling High School.

There, we neck, facial,students and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the had an outstanding chemistry teacher. was the one first of Einstein’s time, only suffered minor injuries.

Of He course, priority was her life. she survived, weexperience were obviously concerned protégées andIfmade my learning interesting and fun.that with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

By contrast, because of the inequities in funding for many The initial surgery herof schools vital functions so she inner-city schools, I knew stabilized many stories whose chemistry could survive. lookedBunsen like burner, a mummy she experience was aMan, singleshe working manywhen substitute emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as teachers, and primarily watching movies during class. I was fortua doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. nate to have great preparation. The inequity and unfairness in the And, you know different when it’s your It passion, seemed like process to apply to it’s medical school increased mykid. drive, and days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke determination to become a doctor. from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the I madewere my family, friends, andresidual others aware of the doctors, uncertain of any effects anddisparity we had and no they became my support system.

Many of my college brothers, sevchoice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is eral as from schools, have seen in me.I her must bed praying for something her to respond, that we inner-city all sat around noticed we Ihad placed a bottle water on tray. It was me, Something didn’t even see inofmyself.

Onher weekdays, theyfor might not Krista. visit my dorm room and say, “Hey, come on and go with us to hang 97 33 33

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out party or dance.” of them, tragedy Terry Gilliam, aka Turk, Asatifthis that wasn’t enoughBut of one a potential overcome by knew me better and would say, “No, leave him alone.

He’s going to triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during herbe a doctor one day. You go ahead and study, we’ll catch up with you senior year at Hampton. later or on the weekend.” They possessed a social consciousness that Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who offered insight that one day I might be needed in our community. I followed her to Hampton University to maintain their realized they were investing in me and this drove me throughout relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August my calling. for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we “I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail, had made arrangements to and fly succeed.” back. On numerous than attempt for to doher nothing occasions she had begged―Robert us toH. Schuller let her make the eight-hour drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain weather and the potential driving the at night. and aware her The further I went throughfor undergrad, more IKrista was made boyfriend begged nepotism, us, promising to takethat their time, making alternatethe of the inequities, and racism existed, driving, other In awake.

Inofthe run, sheI would challengeand everkeep moreeach difficult. the fall mylong junior year, took the have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

MCAT (Medical College Aptitude Test). It may have been ill-advised as IIt hadn’t physics, I consumed an MCAT and was ataken beautiful daybut and the forecast for thestudy driveguide south studied my best. was perfect.

If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrive by midnightmany and ofmost of thecounterparts driving would during By comparison, my White took be several prep daylight hours.

Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. courses, which were expensive and inaccessible to me because of finances.

I learned theywent alsosomething garnered the counsel The worst call of that my life likesupport this: theand phone rang of professors others in of prominence in the medicalusprofession about one and o’clock the morning, waking from anfor recommendation letters, placement, and future employment. sleep after theresidency picnic cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted himself as this, a highway patrol officer and stated had to Despite I performed well and achieved a 3.5 that GPA.there I applied been terrible accident involving ourasdaughter the highway. all thea med schools in Ohio, as well MeharryonMedical College, She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted Howard University, Harvard University, and Yale University. By fall, I to thereceived University of Virginia Center.

We needed get there I had invitations to Medical interview for every school.toSomeday, right away. would marry Cheryl and I knew I didn’t want to leave Ohio. Besides,

ed, I it was too expensive travel to the out-of-state Intimidat Cheryl and I to immediately went into schools. panic mode and felt I wouldn’t fit in at Harvard Yale. I don’t regret my choice, almost became physically sick asor countless negative feelings rushedbut sometimes I wonder my breath career and pathleaped and life have I took how a deep into might probleminto our heads. differedmode. had I interviewed at the Harvard orand Yaleweighed and gained acceptance. solving We contacted airlines driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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The interview process was another reminder of the challenge of becoming a member of this unique fraternity. From the time I considered the possibility of becoming a physician, I dreamed of attending The Ohio State University College of Medicine. My grandfather graduated from the Ohio State School of Law, so our family had history at the landmark institution. Excited with anticipation, I entered the OSU interview room, where I was met by four elderly White physicians who immediately began to lecture me on their potential investment in me. It was obvious they had bought into the Black male stereotypes.

They informed me that “I was not there to party and waste their time; there were far too many minority students who had flunked out or who were set back a year; and they had no intention of admitting someone who wasn’t totally committed to the task ahead.” Afterward, I was paired with a Black med student, George Barnett, and escorted on a tour. George was a longtime family friend and his stern warning was that the Black students were catching hell and racism played a major part in subjective grading.

If I had a choice, he advised, “Don’t come here!”

My next interview was at the University of Cincinnati (UC) and after my experience at OSU, I was terrified of what potentially awaited me as I entered the interview. I was cordially greeted by three White physicians, a Black med student, and the associate dean, who was Black. They began by thanking me for choosing to accept the interview, and went on to make sure I knew they would do everything in their power to ensure my success. I would be paired with a big brother or sister to guide me through my first year. Likewise, there was a summer pre-matriculation program for minority students and the associate dean was there to be a constant mentor, influence, and companion to guarantee my success.

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The extra bonus was that my sister, Deborah, lived in Cincinnati and would give me additional support.

Now, all I had to do was to hope to be offered a position in one of these schools where I had applied and interviewed.

Well, three days after Christmas, my dream came true and I was offered a position in Cincinnati’s class. Other acceptances came from OSU, Wright State University, The University of Toledo, Case Western Reserve University, and the Northeast Ohio College of Medicine. God clearly ordered my steps and I became a Bearcat at the University of Cincinnati.

Ironically, years later, I had an opportunity to serve on the admis-sions committees as a student for the University of Cincinnati’s College of Medicine and on The Ohio State University College of Medicine’s committee as well. Krista, as a student, me, and Dr. George Barnett served under the direction of Dr. Quinn Capers (cardiologist), who was instrumental in expanding diversity and inclusion at Ohio State.

Med school was tough. I made it tougher. I sensed that Mom and Dad didn’t have the resources to help with med school expenses and I made a decision not to attend the summer pre-matriculation program for minority students. Instead, I decided to work and save money. My initial classes were more demanding than I imagined. And unfortunately, I hadn’t bonded with the other students who, as a result of the summer program, carried a lighter courseload and had developed a degree of camaraderie.

An example of one of the many challenges faced by students of color in medical school was clearly demonstrated during testing. As we became acquainted, we began to socialize and study as a group. Through some of our more liberal White friends, we were made aware that there were files of tests passed from generation to generation, accumulated 36 36

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by White students and shared among their trusted peers. We were not privy to this resource, and therefore, we were at a tremendous disadvantage. This came into play because everyone was graded on a curve, which was used to establish a pass or fail. Occasionally, upon taking the test, our White peers possessed sixty percent of the

test questions prior to the exam.

It’s safe to say I could not have made it through if it hadn’t been for the support of other Black and Latino students. They pushed me to study when I thought I couldn’t and helped in other ways as well. Frequently with limited money and resources, we cooked for each other and shared books; we were each other’s cheering section and socialization outlet.

A few days after school started, I met another minority student who looked like me. Victor Peña had a light brown complexion, a big afro, and a Latin accent. We immediately became good friends.

Victor told me he was Dominican, but I told him that here in Ohio he was just another nigga! He quickly assimilated with the other Black students and became one of my best friends. Little did I know at the time that we would become partners and he would be a godfather to one of my sons.

The first year at UC presented untold challenges. Submerged into my medical education, I discovered little time for anything else. My relationship with Cheryl suffered and I imagined that she thought our relationship was ruined. The neuroanatomy course had a reputation for being one of the toughest in the country. Although I passed all other courses, it torched me as well as Victor.

Neuroanatomy was a mandatory prerequisite class. We had to pass

it to go on to the second year. Spring break allowed us to take a make-up course. The bad news―the course was only offered at the University of Vermont. The good news―if you passed everything in 37 37

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if that enough of a assured potentialof tragedy theAsfirst year,wasn’t you were virtually making overcome it through by med triumph, Krista my coronaries again during her school. You were would going toconstrict be a doctor. senior year at Hampton.

Secure that I would get through the make-up course, I proposed to Krista beenVictor dating young man from Columbus,Vermont, who Cheryl thathad spring. andaI were a novelty in Burlington, followed her to we Hampton University to to maintain their and disappointedly, faced stereotypes common Blacks. We aced held aussummer picnic in and August relationship. every test andTraditionally, the professorwe allowed to take the final return for family and friends home two weeks early. and it turned out to be one of the best.

Krista planned totoreturn to school the year. picnicThe anduniversity initially we I was approved advance to theafter second had had made forandher back. came On into numerous invested wayarrangements too much in me, my to pathflyforward focus. occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour The exams weren’t the only hurdles in becoming a physician. drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain Everything was challenging. We started our second year as a newly weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her married couple and Cheryl began her teaching career. She was happy boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate to take a job as an elementary teacher at Price Hill, one of the poorest driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would communities in the Tri-state area. We had little or no money after her have her car at Hampton for her senior year. paycheck, but we refused to ask our parents for assistance. With no It wasI afound beautiful and the glued forecast for the furniture, a pieceday of plywood, Formica on drive it and south set it on was theyIt left the as picnic about five o’clock,room theytable. couldWe sewerperfect. tiles forIflegs. served our kitchen and dining arrive by midnight and furniture most of and the Cheryl drivinghad would during purchased used bedroom an oldbecouch from daylight hours. Reluctantly, we living gave in and off they went. her undergraduate days for the room.

Thethe worst of my lifeCheryl went something likefrom this: work, the phone rang all At end call of each day, arrived home removed about oneat o’clock us laundry, from and an I her clothes the door,in put the themmorning, in a plasticwaking bag for the sleep the picnic cleanup. gentleman introduced exhausted checked her for after lice. The kids she taughtAwere poor, hungry, dirty, himself as aclothed. highway officerfather, and stated there worker. had and scantily Shepatrol was mother, teacher that and social been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

In my second year of medical school, the public school levy did not She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted pass, and Cheryl was laid off. I vaguely remember a bit of to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there embarrassment waiting in the cold to receive food stamps. I was right away. helpless to generate income because my studies consumed my days and I immediately wentweinto mode and to and Cheryl nights. Refusing to ask for help, kept panic our predicament almost became physically sick as but countless negative rushed ourselves.

It sounds depressing, we were in lovefeelings and life seemed heads.

I took a deep breath and leaped into probleminto our nothing less than wonderful. solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we notified the boys so we all could Ideally, I dreamed of becoming a family practice physician pray together. Gus wascommunity in medical school Chapel Hill friends, and he said and returning to my to careat for family, and he was going to start driving there.

Oh, great!

That’s just what we those in need. needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in theCheryl third year of medical youI knew complete several theDuring morning. absolutely forbadeschool, it, which would fall rotations for exposure to the various disciplines of medicine.

At some on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and point, youhim select an put. area Ultimately, of specialization and the corresponding we asked to stay we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving only save hour you and we wereupon too exhausted. training would (residency) to an which apply completion of medical When school.

Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication withinclude the medical staff but hadn’ttogained much inforThe choices but aren’t limited internal medicine, mation about her condition.

As we unraveled happened from pediatrics, obstetrics and gynecology, surgery,what and psych.

I thought the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped we chose what we wanted to do but I guess there are times when the from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista specialty chooses you. Most in the medical profession think that the came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no specialty reflects a certain personality. Those in internal medicine time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had were the intellectuals, peds are the bleeding-heart liberals, the sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, surgeons were theupper-body arrogant, egotistical assholes, those in psych neck, facial, and trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at were the just crazy, anyone too injuries. stupid toOfdocourse, anything into time, only and suffered minor the else firstwent priority

obstetrics andIfgynecology.

That’s was her life. she survived, weme! were obviously concerned that with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

No really, in reflection, it was the time I was the most interested initial surgery stabilized herspecialty. vital functions so each she and The happy.

It offered a little bit of each For example, could survive. like disease a mummy when she pregnant patientMan, may she havelooked a chronic such as diabetes, emerged from or surgery, wrapped as hypertension, asthma.

Taking up, care tubes of an everywhere. unborn and Even newborn ababy doctor experienced surgeon, I was shaken. wasand a touch of peds.

Gynecologic surgery and C-sections And, you knowand it’sdealing differentwith when it’s your kid. and It seemed like offered surgery, puberty, PMS, menopause days, butqualified as I nowfor speculate it was onlyI applied hours before she awokein certainly psych. Ultimately, for a residency from a semi-comatose obstetrics and gynecology.state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no it things out. The most incredible thing remember is choice “Regret but to wait for the we did can be tempered

by Itime; it is sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I that as we all for regret the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” noticed we had placed a bottle of water ―Sydney J. Harrison her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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As if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by Med school graduation was glorious! The Black students, all triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her seventeen of us, had developed a tremendous bond and lasting senior year at Hampton. friendships. I think we all actually felt we couldn’t have made it Kristaeach hadother. beenWith dating young man from Columbus, who without the aexception of Meharry Medical College followed herUniversity to Hampton University to maintain theirthe and Howard (historically Black institutions), we were we held to a summer relationship. largest group Traditionally, of minority students graduatepicnic fromin aAugust medical for family and school that year in the United States.

Krista planned to to return to schoolspecial after the picnic and initially we We wanted do something and planned a graduation had made arrangements for her We to fly back. Dr. On Lucile numerous dinner that included our families. honored Oxley, occasions she had beggedfemale us totolet her make eight-hour of the first African American graduate from the the University drive, but College we consistently vetoed that we option due to Cincinnati of Medicine.

Likewise, honored ouruncertain individual weather and the potential for driving at night.

Krista and her and group accomplishments and recognized our parents’ collective boyfriend begged us, promising their time, alternate and individual contributions.

It was to an take outstanding evening and one driving, and keep each other awake.

In the long run, she would I’ll never forget. I was honored to be selected by the other Blacks to have her carMaster at Hampton for her senior year. serve as the of Ceremonies.

ItGraduating was a beautiful and school the forecast for the the designation drive south of from day medical confers was perfect.

If they lefttreat the picnic about couldyou doctor, but you can’t patients withfive theo’clock, degreethey unless arrive by amidnight most of the driving would obtaining be duringthe complete residencyand specialty program.

In addition, daylightallows hours.you Reluctantly, we gave in and offitthey went.permit you to degree to be called ‘doctor,’ but doesn’t practice untilcall you passlifethe Medical Board or the The worst of my wentState something like this: theExam phone rang National Eitherwaking exam us is from a grueling about oneMedical o’clock Board in theExam. morning, an of introduced all you are experience―they are the consummate the picnic cleanup.evaluation A gentleman exhausted sleep after school. challenged learn during yearsand of med himself as ato highway patrolfour officer stated that there had been a terrible accident daughter the highway.

Cheryl and I had movedinvolving to Canton,our Ohio, to start on residency but I had She was sleeping. in critical condition and in the process being life-flighted trouble All I could think about of was waiting on the to the University of Virginia Medical Center.

We needed to get there exam results. Without warning, self-doubt crept in and I began to right away. question what I would do and how I would support my family if I couldn’t practice.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as arrived. countlessI negative rushed The Board result letter finally retreatedfeelings to the bathroom, heads. the I took a deep and leapedsatinto probleminto ourlocked quietly door, and breath for a half-hour there on the solving mode. contacted airlines andI had weighed driving toilet unable to We open it. Cherylthe didn’t know retrieved the versus mail flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As was we weighed the options, we dinner. notified the boys so we all could and in the kitchen preparing pray together. Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said I finally opened the letter and my eyes attempted to look away, he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we but I couldn’t see the firstfreeway, word―“Congratulations.” needed.

Anotherhelp childbut driving on the speeding at two in I quickly read the rest absolutely of the letterforbade to make there was would no mistake the morning.

Cheryl it, sure which I knew fall and that it was addressed to me.

I remained in the bathroom for on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and another crying a baby.we Eventually, peeled myself we askedhalf-hour him to stay put. like Ultimately, decided to Ifly to Virginia.

Driving only and saveentered an hourthe and we were from thewould toilet seat kitchen withtoo theexhausted. letter in hand. I grabbed Cheryl and kissed could my eyes red and When Gus arrived, Kristaher. wasShe already insee surgery.

He were was in comasked what with was the wrong.

“I passed!”

I said.gained At that, weinforboth munication medical staff but hadn’t much screamed andher danced around mation about condition.

Asthe wekitchen. unraveled what happened from the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no football, trained drown-proofing by time Itoplayed react. Later, I sawran the track, car at the dumpinand the collision had swimming, did contact in college.

I thoughtsevere those head, sports sheared off and the entire top ofkarate the car.

Krista suffered neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. the Hershear boyfriend, asleep at were arduous and taxing, however, combination ofthe the time, only suffered minor injuries.

Of course, the first priority mental and physical demands of residency were unsparing and was her life.

If sheI previously survived, we were obviously concerned thatof beyond anything imagined.

During my third year with the prior broken neckand sheraising might suffer paralysis. residency, Jason arrived two active boys under three yearsThe of age made life funstabilized and challenging.

I was fulfilled so andshe yet initial surgery her vital functions Parker family’s was barely its unaware that theMan, could survive. she lookedmining like process a mummy when in she formativefrom years. emerged surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

Residency was a form of torture back in those days. My typical, And, youday know it’s around different when it’s in your It seemed like impossible began five o’clock the kid. morning.

I conductdays, but as now speculate it was only hours before ed rounds forIpatients who were admitted, those who hadshe or awoke had not from a semi-comatose state.

Cheryl and I, as well as delivered, the postoperative patients, and those in labor. the We doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no were required to see every patient, complete a physical, and choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is write a progress note including a treatment plan. Later, we that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I had to be prepared to report in front of everyone and the noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, chief of the department at seven o’clock. Facing stressful questions not Krista. and a critical assessment of everything you had done or planned to 97 41 41

MINING DIAMONDS

do, you were sent off to your daily activities. After grabbing something from the vending machine, I either made my way to the outpatient clinic, surgery, or labor and delivery for more grueling educational tutelage.

Often, I felt humiliated, demeaned, and depressed, but I read and studied when I could and learned my craft well. I excelled and became chief resident. When the regular workday ended at five o’clock, if I was on call, I made my way to the labor unit to monitor, deliver, and operate, whatever was needed. I had no sleep and maybe just enough time for a candy bar and a Coke.

It was not all drudgery as we developed a family bond with fellow residents, nurses, and surgical staff. We took great pride in our work and felt that our calling was worth the sacrifice. There was still time for laughter, tears, and an occasional pizza. Time passed quickly through the night when you were busy. Normally, when I looked at the clock upon leaving the operating room after a Csection, it was five in the morning and time to begin rounds again.

I started seriously clock-watching around three in the afternoon and the hands would not seem to move. By five o’clock in the afternoon, I was cooked! The range of emotions experienced throughout the days and nights ranged from boredom to despair and hopelessness, to triumph, joy and exhilaration. At any minute I could go from calm and complacency, to responding to a dire lifealtering emergency. I experienced the full breadth of an individual’s life cycle―conception and delivery to illness and the final endof-life transition.

It really didn’t make sense. Arguably, working thirty-six hours without a break was a dangerous practice for residents to make life-changing, critical decisions while sleep-deprived and exhausted. I’m grateful that I don’t believe I seriously hurt anyone.

There were times I woke up in the middle of an intersection, horns blaring at me and narrowly avoiding a horrific accident.

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Somehow, I survived. Exhausted, I simultaneously dreaded and looked forward to the two toddlers waiting for me at the door ready to play and a wife thirsting for time and affection.

Alarming statistics reveal that the practice of medicine has the highest rate of suicide of any profession in the United States.

Considered to be one of the most stressful occupations, suicide is twice as high as the general population and even higher than the military. The rate of divorce mirrors these troubling statistics.

Fifteen to thirty percent of all medical students and residents succumb to mood disorders, alcoholism, or substance abuse.

Because of the stress and excessive work hours, many studies show impaired judgment and performance in a physician’s subsequent workflow.

In 2003, the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education instituted medical education work-hour reforms to allow a maximum of eighty hours per week, limiting in-hospital call to every third night, and prohibiting shift hours from exceeding thirty consecutive hours. Additional changes were put in place in 2011, limiting a shift to no more than sixteen hours.

These

generational

reforms

were

certainly

necessary,

however, today there is a concern that we may be turning out practitioners who have less experience and are not as well trained. I know I sound like the old guy telling stories about how bad we had it back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, but it is my 360-degree perspective on the current state of medical education.

Again, through faith, I feel blessed to have maintained my physical and mental health while keeping our family intact.

Completing my four-year residency in June of 1985, I received several offers to stay in the Canton area to practice. I couldn’t wait to get the family back to Columbus. It’s amazing how God ordered my steps and everything came together.

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MINING DIAMONDS

Victor and wasn’t I remained close thoughtragedy we attended different As if that enough of even a potential overcome by residency programs.

We constrict both chose gynecology, or it triumph, Krista would my obstetrics coronariesand again during her chose had his hand in my next transition, and I was senior us. yearGod at Hampton. presented with an opportunity to take over an existing practice in Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who Columbus of a retiring physician, Dr. Ernest Newkirk. He was a followed her to Hampton University to maintain their fine physician and one of the first African Americans to be board relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August certified in the United States and gain acceptance to all of the major for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. hospital staffs in 1953.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we Board certification confers a designation of a high level of had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous expertise in your specialty field after passing rigorous occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour testing. Historically, Blacks could not receive hospital drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain privileges―the ability to admit patients, practice, and operate weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her in a hospital setting―regardless of a board certification. Dr. boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate Newkirk was one of the first in Columbus to open the doors driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would for myriad African American physicians and break down have her car at Hampton for her senior year. long-standing hospital barriers.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south One of the most unexpected outcomes of this opportunity was was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could that Dr. Newkirk delivered me; he was my mother’s doctor. arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during With his decision to retire, he and I came full circle in daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. women’s healthcare and bringing forth life. Dr. Newkirk not Theseemed worst call of mytolifetransition went something like this: the phone rang only pleased his practice to me, but he was about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an equally proud as if I were one of his children. In July of 1985, sleepme after picnicour cleanup.

A gentleman exhausted Victor joined in the starting new practice underintroduced the name himself as aWomen’s highway Care, patrolInc. officer statedthat that Dr. there had Columbus We and agreed Newkirk been a remain terrible with accident on the highway. would theinvolving practice our for daughter an additional year. His She was in was critical in the process of beingtolife-flighted challenge tocondition convinceandhis current patients trust two to the University Virginia Medical Center.

We needed to get there young baby-facedofdoctors with their lives and unborn children. right away.

My first delivery was Aaron Diehl, son of Richard and Estelle Diehl. and aI prominent immediatelyposition went into mode and The Cheryl family held in thepanic African American almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed community as owners of Diehl-Whittaker Funeral Services.

Estelle was into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

44

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an outstanding educator and member of the 1968 U.S. Olympic track team. Richard and Estelle had to trust Dr. Newkirk’s recommendation to allow me to deliver their son and that they were in capable hands. Aaron is now a world-renowned jazz pianist and composer. During the course of almost four decades, I’ve witnessed the accomplishments of hundreds of children that I delivered, and during my career I was privileged to deliver 8,000-plus children.

Becoming a physician was daunting. To become a great parent is demanding. I can’t overstate it enough. I couldn’t have made it without my fellow students, family, and friends. I was much less than perfect and to accomplish our vision and goals for our family, there were times epic sacrifices were made.

Cheryl taught elementary school and I can tell you that there is no one you would rather take pleasure in to teach and nurture your children. She was not only a teacher, but she was also a mother, father, friend, social worker, princess, fairy godmother, janitor, playmate, counselor, and even doctor. I know I’m prejudiced, but I’ve heard from everyone who was privileged to witness her body of work. Cheryl was an outstanding educator.

I somewhat bear the weight of guilt from the tremendous sacrifice she made in molding our family. She poured every ounce of her intellect, heart, and passion into each of us. Deep in my heart I know she made a conscious decision that it would be family first. Equally, I know she could have become a principal or an exceptional administrator, but on her terms, it wasn’t meant to be. Cheryl had a clear vision of what her family could be, should be, and would be. She made my dream her dream.

Together our dreams came true. not Krista.

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MINING MINING DIAMONDS DIAMONDS

As if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her senior year at Hampton.

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who followed her to Hampton University to maintain their relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

96

5

“I’m sure you would agree what would be more perfectly than to have a world party on the day you came to be. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday.” ―Stevie Wonder

M

aybe not as exciting as most people, but Cheryl and I are responsible planners and I’m not embarrassed to say we planned our pregnancies. Sounds corny, but we thought it would be selfish and irresponsible to have a baby when we weren’t ready. We started trying at the end of my third year of medical school.

Immediately we were pregnant. In my estimation, Cheryl has to have been one of the greatest pregnant women―ever. She had morning sickness pretty bad. We’ve all heard stories about women who require bedrest, IVs, and taking all kinds of meds to safely deliver their unborn children. Thankfully, our experience did not mirror such accounts.

I remember driving to residency interviews and Cheryl would calmly say, “Pull over.” She would crack the car door, let her guts out and say, “Let’s go.” It’s certainly not to diminish pregnancy as a serious medical condition and the necessity for care that some may have, but this is my recognition of Cheryl’s incredible strength and 47 47

MINING MINING DIAMONDS DIAMONDS

As if that wasn’t enough of away, potential tragedy by stamina.

She’s always been that working, takingovercome care of others triumph, Krista wouldat constrict and holding it down home. my coronaries again during her senior year at Hampton.

My last year of medical school was gratifying. There was less Krista had young man Columbus, book work andbeen moredating clinicalaexperience andfrom patient interaction.who The followed tooneHampton University their year flew her by and of my fondest memoriesto wasmaintain always laughing Traditionally, held aThat summer picnic relationship. as we waited for the baby we to arrive. first egg was in lateAugust getting friends and itand turned out to of the best. forhere. family andwas Cheryl overdue in spite of be herone condition, we had the nerve attend to a Stevie Aspicnic the concert came we to a Kristato planned return Wonder to schoolconcert. after the and initially close, with arrangements all our med school friends and On dancing, Stevie had made for her to singing fly back. numerous Wonder she began to sing, “Happy Birthday to You.” song was occasions had begged us to let her make Stevie’s the eight-hour a tribute and plea to the nation recognize Luther drive, but we consistently vetoedtothat option Dr. dueMartin to uncertain King Jr.’s as a national holiday.

We Krista thoughtand it her was weather and birthday the potential for driving at night. prophecy begged and just us, knew Cheryl was to dance the alternate baby out boyfriend promising to going take their time, that night. got toeach thinking that if her In water break went driving, andI keep other awake. the did long run,and sheshe would intoher labor, weHampton would never getsenior out ofyear. there and I would have to have car at for her deliver my own son.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south Finally in labor, things moved very slowly and got a little scary. was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could There were signs of fetal distress and the medical team performed arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during an emergency C-section. I learned of a disorder known as intern daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. syndrome, where every disease you study, you think you have.

The worst call all of my lifeofwent something like this: the phone rangin Consequently, kinds frightening thoughts rumbled around about one aso’clock the morning, waking from an my mind I pacedinoutside in the waiting room.usAfter several after11,the picnic cleanup. gentleman exhausted hours on sleep February 1981, we had a son.A Cheryl and theintroduced baby were himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had fine, and we were blessed with our first heir to a family legacy been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway. of diamonds.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted I knew this parenting wasCenter. going We to needed be a challenge, but to the University of Virginiathing Medical to get there unlike many, I was ready and had no fear. After all, I grew up with right away. the blueprint. I knew all the challenges that my sister and I presentand I immediately went into mode and ed Cheryl to our parents.

Our parents weren’t well panic off, but I grasped almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings and rushed how hard they worked to acquire everything we needed lots heads.

I took a deep breath and leaped into probleminto our that we didn’t. solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

48

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I didn’t think too much about it, but we named our son Augustus Garland Parker IV. When I was very young, I didn’t like my name very much. I was known as Gus, Gussie, and Gussie Boy. As I matured and learned more about my father and grandfather, I took great pride in our family name and heritage. I jokingly tell people we’re going to do it ‘til we get it right!

Holding a baby in one hand and a book in the other was a physical and intellectual balancing act, but the sheer joy every time I looked at young Gus replenished me and gave me a strength and resolve I didn’t know I possessed.

At

the

time,

I

had

no

idea

I

would

become

an

obstetrician/gynecologist, but that season gave me the unique perspective of a patient’s involvement as well as living through the experience myself. I can reflect with trust that it was God’s plan and our personal journey that provided me with great empathy for the many families who entrusted their care to me during the next forty years.

One of my favorite movies is It’s A Wonderful Life. It’s a story about George Bailey, who in great despair, contemplates suicide. A guardian angel gives him a glimpse of his life and the lives of others as if he was never born. It shows the impact George rendered in touching people in his community, as well as the severe consequences on those identical lives without his help throughout his lifetime.

Recently, at a funeral of one of my college friends, Reggie Lampkins, who died unexpectedly, I ran into a lady who was very excited to see me. I vaguely recognized that she was a former patient. With tears in her eyes, she reminded me that she was referred to the practice by a friend because her physician was retiring. She attempted for many years to have a child and had 97 49 49

MINING MINING DIAMONDS DIAMONDS

As if up. that After wasn’tseveral enoughpregnancy of a potential overcome by given losses,tragedy she wanted to have triumph, constrict my coronaries again ofduring her her tubesKrista tied aswould she had been informed by a number physicians senior yearcouldn’t at Hampton. that she carry a pregnancy. Without hope and unable to bear the emotional anotherman loss,from she reminded mewho that Krista had been despair dating aof young Columbus, after reviewing her chart and some counseling, to followed her to Hampton University to I convinced maintain her their try just one Traditionally, more time. I we operated initiated a fertility plan, held aand summer picnic in August relationship. in conception and the delivery healthy baby girl. friends and it turned out toofbea one of the best. forresulting family and She then wenttoonreturn to asktome if I knew day itand was.initially Looking Krista planned school afterwhat the picnic weat my made watch, arrangements I told her it was March Day,” had forFriday, her to fly 13th. back.“It’s OnMatch numerous she answered.

It is begged the day where students around the occasions she had us to all let medical her make the eight-hour country where theyvetoed match with a residency program and drive, but find we outconsistently that option due to uncertain where they specialtyat training.

A celebration weather and will the perform potential their for driving night. Krista and her with family and friends, it signifies both the completion of boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate medicaland school andeach the beginning of their medical driving, keep other awake.

In the long career. run, she would haveUnbeknownst her car at Hampton for baby her senior year. to me, the girl I delivered went on to medical school. daughterday matched at forecast the University Cincinnati It wasHer a beautiful and the for the ofdrive south College of Medicine and was going into obstetrics and gynecology, was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could just asbyI had done. Both us had in our eyes as webeheld each arrive midnight and of most of tears the driving would during other inhours. a longReluctantly, embrace. we gave in and off they went. daylight This reaffirmed the life tremendous influence and responsibility that The worst call of my went something like this: the phone rang was then, is now, part morning, of me. Likewise, the about one and o’clock in a the wakingit highlighted us from an impact and far-reaching consequences only myintroduced family but sleep after the picnic cleanup.ofAnot gentleman exhausted those I as touched to complete circle of life stated and beyond.

Indeed,had it’s himself a highway patroltheofficer and that there a wonderful life!accident involving our daughter on the highway. been a terrible She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we notified the boys so we all could pray together. Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much information about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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6

“What we put into the thought stream of our children will appear in the stream of tomorrow.” ―Author Unknown

A

mazing. All three of our children became doctors and I am proud of that accomplishment. What really makes me happy is that I know plenty of doctors who said their children hated the fact that their parents were physicians. Because of their dedication to the profession, the long hours away from home, and missing milestone events, many children resented the physical and emotional disconnect that occurs as a result of being a physician’s child.

I’m proud that Cheryl and I must have done something right.

Although committed to my profession and my patients, our children were our first priority and we allowed nothing to get in the way. My parents taught me to be a good juggler and we had an abundant support system. In setting up my practice, I had skilled and impressive partners, namely, Victor Peña, Gladys Gibbs, Harold Green, Jeffrey Marable, Francisco Sosa, and Cherie Richey.

They were always willing to cover for me, so I never had to miss important events. I was a decent athlete and coached my kids from 53 53

MINING MINING DIAMONDS DIAMONDS

As time if that wasn’t of a to potential tragedy overcome by the they were enough old enough play basketball, baseball, and triumph, Kristathey would my coronaries during her football until wereconstrict in high school.

I liked to again say I never missed senior year at Hampton. church, a party, a sporting event, fraternal or school activities, and I almost never missed a delivery.

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who followed to Hampton University to maintain their To my her knowledge, my children never voiced any concern or Traditionally, we being held an a summer picnicThey in August relationship. disappointment relative to me absent father. seemed friends it turned out to beme onebeing of theabest. for and to family actually enjoy myand career but relished father even more. Whatever their experience, it certainly didn’t deter them from Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we likewise wanting to be physicians. had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions she Augustus had begged us toIV, letinitiated her make the eight-hour My oldest, G. Parker our diamond mining drive, but Iwe option to uncertain journey. don’t consistently know what vetoed pressurethat came with due bearing my name weather and the potential forfootsteps, driving at Krista and her and wanting to follow in my butnight. he was pretty certain boyfriend us, career promising take to their time,a physician. alternate early on inbegged his college that hetodesired become driving, and keep awake.

Insure the what long inspired run, shehim: would His passage beganeach in theother South.

I’m not the have her carbasketball at Hampton for the her weather, senior year. successful team, school colors, the campus atmosphere, or the curricula, but he chose to become a Tar Heel.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south wasAlthough perfect. Ifhethey o’clock, got left off the to apicnic decentabout start,five he may notthey havecould been arrive by midnight and standards, most of the drivingand would be during prepared for the high pressures, the competitive daylight Reluctantly, wethe gaveUniversity in and off of they went.Carolina at nature hours. of a school such as North Chapel Hill. He struggled a bit and when his younger brother, The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang Jason, chose to attend Hampton University, Gus decided to transfer about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an and became his roommate. exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and that with there had Gus soared socially and academically andstated graduated honors. been a terrible faculty accident involving our daughter the highway.

The Hampton supported, encouraged, and on nurtured his goal She was in critical condition and and in the process of being life-flighted to become a physician.

For him other potential students, I hope tothis the brings University of Virginia Medical Center. neededatohistorically get there to light the valued experience ofWe attending right away.

Black college. Furthermore, Gus did crazy good on the MCAT and had a choice of a full tuition ride to medical school at either the Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and University of Cincinnati College of Medicine or the University of almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Medicine. He’s a Tar Heel! into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

54

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MINING DIAMONDS

Thewe summer of my yearwe of notified residency Jason born.

As weighed the third options, the boyswas so we all Cheryl could pray Gus waspregnancy in medical school at Chapel Hillhad and ahe prior said had together. an uneventful and because she he was going startscheduled driving there.

Oh,delivery. great! That’s just whatwent we C-section, shetowas for her She actually needed.

Another child weeks drivingearly, on the speeding twointo in into labor about three so freeway, without delay, we at went the morning.

Cheryl absolutely forbade which I knew fall action.

I debated whether I would try it, and perform thewould C-section on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and and deliver my son or if I would play daddy. I asked permission we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. and ended up filming the entire procedure while cheering on the Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. team. Cheryl was awake and comfortable with an epidural anesWhenDuring Gus arrived, Kristawe was alreadyand in surgery.

He then was in comthetic. the surgery laughed joked, and rejoiced munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforin another healthy son, born July 29, 1983. mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from was patrol, all boy they and ashared typicalthat little brother. He followed Gus theJason highway a 2,000-pound bull escaped around like a puppy andwandered tried his onto best to everything hisKrista older from a nearby farm and thedo freeway.

When came around a turn, herheheadlights hit in this animal, withand no brother did. Similarly, participated themassive same sports as Gus time to react.

Later, Iwhen saw the the dump and the collision had we were overjoyed thecar ageatrequirements allowed them to be sheared off theteam. entire top of the car.it’s Krista on the same Thinking back, now suffered amusing.severe I worehead, two neck, facial, and upper-body trauma.

Her boyfriend, asleep at the team hats and ran back and forth between two baseball or football time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority fields while trying to help coach the boys’ teams. This pattern was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that continued through most of their formative years. They were not with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. only teammates, but best friends and they remain so today.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she When the time drew near for Jason to choose a college to further could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she his education, I fully expected follow his older brother to emerged from surgery, wrappedhim up,totubes everywhere.

Even as was a happy-go-lucky child but as he matured, I aChapel doctorHill. andJason experienced surgeon, I was shaken. began to notice that he developed a social consciousness and And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like appreciation for his African American history. His research and days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke exploration led him to Hampton University, In from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl andwhich I, assurprised well asus.the hindsight, we recognize Jason’s exposure to his African Ameridoctors, were uncertain that of any residual effects and we had no can heritage, and our values and commitment to our community choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is had as converged with his decision.

Jason became Pirate. I around her bed praying fora Hampton her to respond, that we all sat noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, Upon his arrival, Jason was assigned to James Hall. As fate would not Krista. have it, it was the same dorm my father―his grandfather―was 55 97 55

MINING MINING DIAMONDS DIAMONDS

As if that wasn’t enough inofVirginia a potential overcome by assigned to for his training upon tragedy induction into the U.S. triumph, wouldofconstrict during her Navy atKrista the height World my War coronaries II on Mayagain 8, 1944, fifty-six senior at Hampton. yearsyear prior.

During that period, the armed forces were segregated.

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who followed to was Hampton to male maintain their Initially,her my dad inductedUniversity as a Caucasian and assigned we held a summer August relationship. to the base Traditionally, with the other Whites.

Uponpicnic his ininsistence and itDad turned out to be one with of the best. forthat family and friends ‘Colored,’ was moved the rest of he was at Hampton transferred to the Black recruits to reside Krista planned to return to school after the until picniche and initially we San made Diego,arrangements California. I remember in my On father’s eyes as had for her the to tears fly back. numerous he madeshe us aware this poignant occasions had of begged us to coincidence. let her make the eight-hour drive,Jason but loved we consistently vetoed thatbyoption due and to uncertain Hampton, his “home the sea,” he loved weather theGus potential for driving at night. and her it more and when transferred from Chapel HillKrista to become his boyfriend promising take their time, school alternate roommate.begged At oneus,point, Jason to considered culinary to driving, keep Once each other awake. InI the longabout run, his she interest would becomeand a chef. at Hampton, asked have car he at Hampton for her seniortoyear. andher what would study.

“I want go into medicine. I want to become he replied.

It wasa adoctor,” beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south was Oh perfect. they left Ithe picnic aboutthe fivepressure o’clock, ofthey could no, IIf thought! can’t imagine following arrive by father’s midnightfootsteps and most the driving your would be during in your and ofsubsequently, brother’s.

Gus daylight hours. acceptance Reluctantly, into we gave and off they went. had gained the inUNC Chapel Hill School of Medicine, weofhad first diamond stepping myphone footprints.

The worstso call my the life went something like this:inthe rang I hoped and prayed Jason’s decision wasn’t because he felt driven about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an to be accepted as ourthe equal or cleanup. that it was measure of sleep after picnic A somehow gentlemana introduced exhausted our love, or validation of his intelligence. himself as respect, a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been aIt’sterrible our daughter the mountain, highway. painfulaccident to see involving your children climb a on steep She was in critical in the process of being particularly onecondition with aand landscape dotted withlife-flighted so many tominefields. the University of Virginia We needed get there Little did we Medical know Center. that Jason would toexperience right away. challenges during med school and residency. After incredible graduation, he Iwas offered a went spot into at Howard University’s Cheryl and immediately panic mode and College of Medicine, consistent with his desire to attend an almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed HBCU. I was Iover joyed to see him and earn leaped a medical from took a deep breath intodegree probleminto our heads.

Howard University.

The the following my letter to Jasonversus upon solving mode.

We contacted airlines is and weighed driving completion his medical education. flying and theof method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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A Blessing to bethe a Blessing Others As we weighed options,towe notified the boys so we all could thisGus weekend such a school blessing!

For anyone would pray Jason, together. was inismedical at Chapel Hill who and he said thetochallenges thatthere. a career medicine would present, he consider was going start driving Oh,ingreat!

That’s just what we needed.

Another child driving determination, on the freeway,and speeding at to two in and have the perseverance, intellect take thethem morning. forbade it, which I knew fall on, it Cheryl would absolutely be considered a daunting task.

Manywould have said on that deafitears.

Jason was in medical at Howard is hard and obviously, if itschool were easy, othersUniversity would takeand on wethe asked him to stay put.

Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. challenge. But I’ve always considered medicine a calling, a Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. calling to serve and potentially be a blessing to others.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comNot only have you accepted the challenge, but you had the munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforcourage, discipline, and determination to see it through. No one, mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from even me and your what you have been thenot highway patrol, they mother, shared can that imagine a 2,000-pound bull escaped through andfarm how and you were able toonto overcome every obstacle with from a nearby wandered the freeway.

When Krista a quiet resolve, complaining and unswerving your came around a turn, never her headlights hit this massive animal, in with no pursuit of your goal of becoming a physician. time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, Thank God, that with the support of your family and friends neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the this blessing was put within your reach, but only you could have time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority reached deep within to accept the personal challenge to was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that persevere. know you whatsuffer a special gift you have been with the priorI broken neckrealize she might paralysis. given and all that you have been through; I hope it will serve to The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she make you a better physician. There is a special place in this world could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she for you and I think that you are only beginning to reap the emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as happiness the world will bring to you as you bring joy, a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. happiness and good health to others.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like am so proud of youitand man you have and days,I but as very I now speculate wasthe only hours beforebecome, she awoke I hope to see you usestate. your Cheryl God-given continue to from a semi-comatose andtalents I, as towell as the doctors, were of anyI know residual had achieve youruncertain personal goals. howeffects excitedand youwe must be no to it out. of The most I remember is choice butthis to wait begin next phase your lifeincredible and I amthing excited for you. In aroundThe herPurpose bed praying for the her book to respond, thatreading as we Rick all sat Warren’s Driven Life, strives toI noticed wethe had placedquestion, a bottle of water her tray.

It was for me, answer age-old “Why amonI here?”

And the answer notrevealed Krista. is “to serve.” A life of service and giving back to others 57 97 57

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can can make avery veryfulfilling fulfilling life.aYou You have havechosen chosen aacareer career that thatwill will As if make that awasn’t enough life. of potential tragedy overcome by give giveyou you that thatwould opportunity opportunity and andmy only only you youcan candecide decide howand andher on on triumph, Krista constrict coronaries again how during what what terms you you will will use use your your gifts. gifts. As As Yoda Yoda said, said, “Choose “Choose senior yearterms at Hampton.

11 wisely wiselymy myson!” son!”

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who I’m I’msure sure you youwill. will.Hampton University to maintain their followed her to Your Yourvery veryTraditionally, proud proudfather, father, we held a summer picnic in August relationship.

Dedo and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. for Dedo family

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we had arrangements her to and fly InInmade 1985, 1985, we we returned returned totofor Columbus Columbus and back. settled settledOn into intonumerous my my new new occasions she had home, begged ustackled to letlife her make the eight-hour practice, practice,our ournew new home, and and tackled life with with two twoactive active toddlers. toddlers. drive, but we consistently vetoed that with option due to uncertain Cheryl Cheryl had had always always wanted wantedaalarge largefamily family withlots lots ofofchildren, children, but butI I weather and the potential much for driving atMost night. and had her was wasthinking thinking ofofsomething something much smaller. smaller.

Most ofofKrista our ourfamily family had boyfriend beggedby us,boys promising tosister take had theirthree. time,We alternate been beendominated dominated by boys and and my my sister had three.

We began began driving, and keep each to other awake.

In to the long out run, she would dreaming dreaming and and planning planning toconceive conceive aagirl girl toround round outour our family. family. have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

When WhenCheryl Cherylbecame becamepregnant, pregnant,we welooked lookedatatthe theprojected projecteddue due It and was awas beautiful day thebirthday, forecast August for the8th. drive south date date anditit was close closetoto my myand sister’s sister’s birthday, August 8th.

Half-way Half-way was perfect. they left the o’clock, could through through the theIfpregnancy pregnancy we we picnic found foundabout out out ititfive would would be be aathey girl girl and and I I arrive by itmidnight and mosttoto ofwelcome the driving would during thought thought it would would be be special special welcome her her into into the thebe world world on on daylight Reluctantly, we in gave in and offthan theyone. went.

8/8/88.

8/8/88.hours.

ItItbecame became memorable memorable inmore more ways ways than one.

Cheryl Cherylwent went through throughtwo twoprior priorC-sections C-sectionsand andconventional conventionalwisdom wisdomwas wasthat thatfor for The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang safety safetyreasons reasonsshe sheshould shouldbe bescheduled scheduledfor foraathird. third.The Thestress stresson onthe the about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an womb wombwith withtwo twoscars scarsand andgoing goingthrough throughlabor laborran ranthe therisk riskofofaa exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced catastrophic catastrophicuterine uterinerupture rupturewhich whichcould couldnot notonly onlyjeopardize jeopardizethe the himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had baby’s baby’slife lifebut butCheryl’s Cheryl’sasaswell. well.Allowing Allowinglabor laborininthat thatcase casewas was been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway. called calledaaVBAC VBAC(vaginal (vaginalbirth birthafter aftercesarean). cesarean).Although AlthoughaacontrovercontroverShe was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted sial sialdecision, decision,the thebenefits benefitswould wouldbe betotoavoid avoidaamajor majorsurgery surgeryand andits its to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there potential potentialrisk riskand andcomplications. complications. right away.

Now Nowthis thispart partprobably probablywas wasillilladvised, advised,but butininan anattempt attempttotohave have Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and that thatgirl girlarrive arriveon onAugust August8th, 8th,while whileCheryl Cherylwas waslaying layingon ontowels towelson on almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed the thekitchen kitchenfloor, floor,I Ibroke brokeher herwater waterand andthus thusput puther herininlabor laborlate lateinin into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problem1(Star 1(Star Wars: Wars: Episode Episode V–The V–The Empire EmpireStrikes Strikes Back, Back, 1980) 1980) and weighed driving versus solving mode.

We contacted the airlines flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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Asevening we weighed the7th. options, we notified the boys contracting so we all could the of the She immediately started like pray was in schoolWhen at Chapel Hill and ahequick said crazytogether. and weGus rushed to medical the hospital. we arrived, he was revealed going to she startwas driving Oh, great!

That’s just what we check five there. centimeters dilated, half-way there. needed.

Another childtoo driving on the speeding at two in Things were moving quickly, andfreeway, it was now the morning of the morning.

Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall the eighth. We elected to put the epidural in for labor pain relief. on deafinears.

Jason in medical school at Howard University and Once place andwas while preparing to give a test dose Cheryl said, we asked him to and stay have put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to with Virginia.

“I feel pressure to push.” Small in stature, and two Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. prior C-sections, not many of my colleagues thought Cheryl had a chance deliver vaginally.

Whento Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforWith Cheryl in position to deliver, I could see the baby’s head but mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from something was wrong. The fetal heart rate took a deep dive from the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped 160 to the 50s. Suddenly there was chaos in the room, and everyone from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista beganaround to prepare forher a possible emergency C-section.

Back with in those came a turn, headlights hit this massive animal, no days I was able to get away with some questionable things, like optime to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had erate onoff your Mytop partner, stuck his head in the door to sheared thewife. entire of theVictor, car. Krista suffered severe head, ask iffacial, I needed as the nurse yelled,Her “heart tones inasleep the thirties!” neck, andhim upper-body trauma. boyfriend, at the time, only minor I turned andsuffered said, “Give me ainjuries. minute.”Of course, the first priority was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that I calmly asked the nurse to hand me the vacuum delivery device. with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

I applied it to the baby’s head, checked the position, instructed The toinitial surgery functions so head she Cheryl bear down and stabilized push, and her withvital one firm pull, the could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she easily emerged. I reached along inside the uterus and was able to emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as grasp the umbilical cord and unwrap it from my daughter’s neck. I a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. delivered her body and placed her on Cheryl’s abdomen; a gasp And, you cry know it’s different it’s your It seemed like and a lusty followed.

See, nowhen problem, just kid. as planned, arrived days, but asI Iguess now in speculate it was God onlygave hours she resolve, awoke on 8/8/88. that moment, mebefore the calm from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the skill, and confidence to bring Krista safely into the world. doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no Sharing two older brothers andincredible predominately cousins, wait it out.

The most thing Imale remember is choice but to Krista in the mix, keep upto with them. In herendeavoring bed prayingtofor her respond, I that as was we always all sat around noticed haddiminutive placed a bottle waterbecame on her tray.

It was for me, spite ofweher size,of she an all-star athlete not Krista. in every sport. As a scholar-athlete, she loved getting good grades. Krista took on the role of champion of the underdog and 97 59 59

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along along As ifwith with thather her wasn’t Black Blackenough friends, friends,she ofshe abegan began potential totorecognize recognize tragedy the overcome theimpact impactof by of triumph, would my coronaries again during her race raceand andKrista skin skincolor colorininconstrict her herdaily daily school school activities. activities.

Krista Krista isisthe the senior yearone at Hampton. brownest brownest one ininour ourfamily. family.Sometime Sometimeher herattitudes attitudesand andpolitical political stance stancelanded landedher herinintrouble, trouble,and andI Ibegan begantotorefer refertotoher herasasthe the Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who militant militantmidget; midget;another anotherMichael MichaelEvans Evansfrom fromGood GoodTimes!

Times!So, So,itit followed her to Hampton University to maintain their really reallywasn’t wasn’ta asurprise surprisewhen whenshe shelikewise likewisechose chosetotobecome becomea a relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August Hampton HamptonPirate.

Pirate. for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

Krista―you’ve Krista―you’vegot gottotobebekidding! kidding!I Iconvinced convincedmyself myselfthere therewas was Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we nonoway way she she would would choose choose medicine. medicine. Her Her choice choice led led toto a a had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous cascade cascadeofofincredible incredibleevents eventsand andupon uponher hergraduation, graduation,I wrote I wrotethis this occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour letter. letter. drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain Krista’s Krista’s Med School Graduation Graduation weather andMed theSchool potential for driving at night. Krista and her boyfriend begged us,when promising to off take their time, alternate Krista, years you I was afraid Krista, yearsago ago when youwent went offtotoHampton, Hampton, I was afraid driving, and keep each other awake.

In the long run, she would this thisday daymight mightcome. come.I Iwas wasafraid afraidbecause becauseasasmy mylast lastchild childand and havethe her car at Hampton for her senior year. thesister sisterofoftwo twobrothers brotherswho whochose chosetotobecome becomephysicians, physicians,that that might feel a aphysician asaswell. you might feelpressure pressure tobecome become physician well.I Inever never Ityou was a beautiful day to and the forecast for the drive south you could it,it,but feared you might doubtedthat you could do but feared you mightdo doititfor forallall was doubted perfect.

Ifthat they left thedo picnic about five o’clock, they could the wrong reasons. you wouldn’t that the wrong reasons. hopedof you wouldn’t think that would arrive by midnight andI Ihoped most the drivingthink would beI Iwould during somehow think less chose career somehow think lessofofyou you ifyou you chose adifferent different careerpath. path.I I daylight hours.

Reluctantly, weifgave in and aoff they went. hoped hopedyour yourmother motherand andI Ihad hadgiven givenyou youananopportunity opportunitytoto The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang explore explore other other endeavors endeavors and and career career opportunities opportunities without without about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an prejudice. prejudice.I hoped I hopedthat thatwe wehad hadtaught taughtyou youthe thevalue valueininthe thearts, arts, exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced ininmusic, music,poetry, poetry,dance danceand andthe thepower powerofofthe thepen penand andspoken spoken himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had word. word.I Ihoped hopedthat thatwe wehad hadtaught taughtyou younot nottotovalue valuemonetary monetary been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway. wealth, wealth,but butspiritual spiritualgrowth; growth;and andvalue valuenot notgetting gettingwhat’s what’sahead ahead She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted but butgiving givingback backand andpaying payingforward. forward. to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there Today, Today,I Iam amnonolonger longerafraid! afraid!InInyour yourjourney journeyover overthe thelast last right away. eight eightyears, years,you youhave haveovercome overcometremendous tremendousobstacles obstaclesnot notonly only Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and totobecome becomea aphysician, physician,but butananincredible incredibleyoung younglady. lady.I Iknow knowitit almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed has has taken taken tremendous tremendous courage courage toto accomplish accomplish this this great great into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemachievement. achievement.To Toquote quoteMaya MayaAngelou, Angelou,“One “Oneisn’t isn’tnecessarily necessarily solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus born bornwith withcourage, courage,but butone oneisisborn bornwith withpotential. potential.Without Without flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, the boys so consistency. we all could courage, we cannot practice we anynotified other virtue with pray inmerciful, medical school at Chapel Hill and he said Wetogether. can’t be Gus kind,was true, generous, or honest.” he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we Few people actually know what it takes to become a needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in doctor. Sometimes I feel cheated! Many people probably think the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall just Jason smartwas andin medical discountschool the discipline, determination, on we’re deaf ears. at Howard University and dedication, heartbreak, and sacrifice it takes to get there. we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Like would the turtle onhour top and of the you didn’t get Driving onlysitting save an we fencepost, were too exhausted. there alone, but no one could do it for you. I am so proud When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comof the person you have become. munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much informationMaybe about her condition. we unraveled happenedMaybe from it wasn’t yourAs choice to becomewhat a physician. theyou highway patrol, sharedofthat a 2,000-pound bull escaped are just on they the path God’s choosing. Maybe there from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway.

When Krista is no randomness about your life. Most people let their came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, place and time. They forget that they are creatures who are neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the subject the limitations of time and space.

Theypriority forget time, only to suffered minor injuries.

Of course, the first their who walks we withwere them in the concerned present. Every was her Creator, life. If she survived, obviously that moment is broken alive neck withshe God’s Presence, to those with the prior mightglorious suffer paralysis.

whose hearts are intimately connected to God’s. As you give The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she God, you find that you simply have no time toEven worry. emerged fromwill surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. as Therefore, you are free to let God’s spirit direct your steps, a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. enabling you to walk along the path of peace.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like is that you will find only fulfillment and eternal peace days, My but hope as I now speculate it was hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state.MyCheryl as will wellbe as the in your chosen profession. hope isand thatI,you a light doctors, were uncertain any residual we had unto others’ path of ofdarkness, that effects your and life will be no an it through out. The service. most incredible I remember is choice but to wait expression of joy My hopething is that you will be sat around her to bed praying her to respond, I that as we for all your thankful talents and God be the for Glory! noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, I love you very much and am so very proud of you. not Krista.

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As if culmination that wasn’t ofenough a potential by The Krista’sofeducation wastragedy perfectlyovercome timed. I was triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries during her serving as a clinical professor at OSU and head ofagain robotic surgery at senior yearCarmel at Hampton.

Mount Health (pictured on page 28). The medical school invitedman me from to participate the Kristagraduation had been committee dating a young Columbus,inwho faculty procession and I joined them onstage to hoodtheir the followed her to Hampton University to maintain graduates. The committee we thought would be a momentous Traditionally, held ait summer picnic in August relationship. occasion for me to hood Krista.

After all she experienced for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. in the course of obtaining her degrees, my heart swelled with pride.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we Another diamond was out of the rough. had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would have her car at Hampton for her senior year.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we notified the boys so we all could pray together. Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much information about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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7

“It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” ―Frederick Douglass

I

said it before, I’ll say it again. I had the best roadmap to mine diamonds designed by Barbara and Bo Parker. Cheryl and I were totally committed to being engaged in every aspect of our children’s lives and we loved it. Unlike many of today’s parents, we were not trying to be their friend, we didn’t seek their approval, nor did we did ask their opinion. We didn’t give them things they didn’t need and made them earn the things they did. We made them respect adults. Until a reasonable age, they had no right to privacy. We knew who their friends were, their plans, and where they were going. When they were out of line, they were punished and held accountable. We never beat our kids, but we did spank them when they were young. Communication was the hallmark of our relationship.

Upon reflection, I found this passage I wrote several years ago that echoes our parenting philosophy. Parenting isn’t so intellectual, psychological, or calculated; sometimes it’s just being there.

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As if that Being Therewasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome by triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her Being a father, you have been given the gift of being a great senior year at Hampton. artist. A child is a wonderful treasure that you are challenged to Krista shape, had been a youngcreate man afrom Columbus, mold, paint,dating and hopefully glorious work of who art. followed her gift to you Hampton tosimply maintain their The greatest can give toUniversity the process is being there Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August relationship. for the process. for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

Being there to give a warm bottle when needed, being there to Krista to return to school after theher picnic initially we catch planned her when she falls attempting firstand steps, being hadthere made arrangements for her fly back.

On first numerous with the video camera and toa flower for her music occasions begged to let her after make a the eight-hour recital, she beinghad there at theusDairy Queen tough loss in drive, but we event, consistently vetoed that dueantoaward uncertain a sporting being there when sheoption receives for weather and the potential for being drivingthere at night.

Krista why and she her accomplishments in school, to explain boyfriend us, promising to because take their time, may be begged treated differently simply of the coloralternate of her driving, other awake.

In the would skin, and beingkeep thereeach to discuss the birds andlong the run, bees she when the have her start car atcalling, Hampton forthere her senior year. boys being simply to hold her when no one else, not even you can understand why she is sad, and being It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south there to give and receive love unconditionally. was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could arrivePreviously, by midnight and most the driving would during I referenced myof adoption of “I am third”be as part of daylight hours. Reluctantly, in and off went. I tried to my personal philosophy.we Ingave educating ourthey children, reinforce this message. I shared the Gale Sayers story and The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang frequently reminded them of it. After a parent-teacher meeting, about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an my reflection led me to write this letter to Krista, age twelve. exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had October 11, 2000 been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted Krista, to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there As always, your mother and I were glad to hear from your right away. teachers about how well you are doing in school. They seem to Cheryl and you I immediately into seem panicto enjoy mode their and enjoy having in their classeswent and you almost became physically countless negative feelings teaching.

You showed sick goodasinsight in recognizing some rushed of the took a deep breath and leaped intotime problemintothings our heads. that canI improve your learning and at the same make solving mode.

We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus it more enjoyable and easier. flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As Many we weighed options, notified thewere boys things so we all could of thethe things youwementioned, that we praycertainly together.can Gus wasyou in medical school at Chapel Hill you and need he said help with. As a talented athlete, to he was going to start driving there.

Oh, great!

That’s just what we have energy to practice, which means you need to get proper needed.

Another on late the freeway, speeding at two in rest. We all go child to beddriving much too and all need to get into better the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall sleep habits. To be a good student-athlete, you know you must on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and maintain good grades. I know what you are capable of and am we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. very proud of your academic accomplishments as well as your Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. athletic victories.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comYou and I know that athletics are fun, butgained your education will munication with the medical staff but hadn’t much inforcarryabout you her a lot further As in life’s challenges.

Establishing good mation condition. we unraveled what happened from habits, suchthey as studying a quiet, clean space without the the study highway patrol, shared in that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby andmusic, wandered onto make the freeway.

When Krista TV, phone, farm or rap will help your sessions more came around a and turn,probably her headlights productive shorter.hit this massive animal, with no time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had A strong body as well as a strong mind are important to your sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, success need to take your Her nutrition seriously.

Work on neck, facial,and andyou upper-body trauma. boyfriend, asleep at the eating diet to promote brain muscle time, onlya proper suffered minor injuries.

Ofand course, thegrowth. first priority was her life.education If she survived, werebut obviously that Your isn’t just we grades learningconcerned about yourself with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. and your relationships with other people and cultures. Continue her vital functions so she toThe be ainitial leader surgery and not astabilized follower, be kind to others less fortunate could she looked a mummy she thansurvive. yourself,Man, and remember Godlike is first, my familywhen is second, emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as and I am third. a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

Dad And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke One evening, Cheryl and I returned home early from an event. As from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the we entered our subdivision, I noticed a familiar vehicle heading in doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no the opposite direction. It took my brain a second to catch up with choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is whatasmy were seeing.her “I think that was for Krista,” I said, turning around bed praying her to respond, I that weeyes all sat to Cheryl.

Krista did not have a driver’s license, nor did she have noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, permission not Krista. to drive any of our cars. Without hesitation, we swung 97 67 67

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As car if that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy the around, tracked her down, and directed her toovercome Cell BlockbyD. triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries againtoduring As a consequence, we developed a contract for Krista sign. Ather the senior year at Hampton. time, she was fifteen.

Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who Krista’s Time of Reflection followed her to Hampton University to maintain their No use ofTraditionally, cell phone for we one held montha (unless authorized us). summer picnic inbyAugust relationship.

No useand of Internet for one monthout (unless by us). friends and it turned to be authorized one of the best. for family Clean room and bathroom every Saturday, as you’re Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we to do. had supposed made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous No phone use after 10 p.m. nights occasions she had begged us ontoschool let her make the eight-hour (Sunday through Thursday) or after 1 a.m. on weekends. drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain You need to let us know where you want to go, whereand youher are, weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and notify us of us, any promising change in plans. boyfriend begged to take their time, alternate Work on keep your personal development: driving, and each other awake. In the long run, she would have her car at Hampton for her senior Attitude.

Smile sometimes and beyear. pleasant to others.

Keep It was a promises beautiful(honesty). day and the forecast for the drive south Character building activities being a role model). was perfect. If they left the picnic (church, about five o’clock, they could Your use of the English language (reading). arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during yourself to meet inother people of good moral daylightAllowing hours. Reluctantly, we gave and off they went. character.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang aboutAny oneviolation o’clock ofinthetheabove morning, waking result us from will obviously in an aftertime the according picnic cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted more sleep reflection to our discretion. himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had been Krista a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway.

M. Parker ________________________________________ She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there Many right away.times, we butted heads with our children and had to give out discipline and corrective action. I bet they thought we were Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and pretty mean and cruel at times. The following should be required almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed reading for all young adults and new parents. into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed Mean Moms the options, we notified the boys so we all could pray together.when Gus was in medical at Chapel Hill and he said Someday my children areschool old enough to understand the he was going to start driving there.

Oh, great!

That’s just what we logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them: needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in loved youCheryl enough… to ask where with whom, the Imorning. absolutely forbadeyou it, were whichgoing, I knew would fall and what time you would be home. on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and lovedhim youtoenough… to insist thatweyou save your and we Iasked stay put. Ultimately, decided to flymoney to Virginia.

Driving only save an hour and we exhausted. buy awould bike for yourself even though wewere couldtoo afford to buy one for you.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comI loved enough... to be staff silentbut andhadn’t let yougained discover that inforyour municationyou with the medical much new about best friend was a creep. mation her condition.

As we unraveled what happened from loved you enough… makethat you ago2,000-pound pay for the bull bubble gum the Ihighway patrol, they to shared escaped from a nearby farm onto the freeway.

When you had taken andand tellwandered the clerk, “I stole this yesterday and Krista want came a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no to around pay for it.” timeI loved to react.

I sawtothe car over at theyou dump and hours the collision had youLater, enough... stand for two while you sheared offyour the entire theshould car. Krista suffered severe head, cleaned room, atop jobofthat have taken 15 minutes. neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the I loved you enough… to let you see anger, disappointment, and time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren’t was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that perfect. with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

I loved you enough… to let you assume the responsibility for The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she broke my heart. emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as But most of all, a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

I loved you enough... to say NO when I knew you would hate And, you me for it. know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke Those were the most difficult all. I’m I wonas them. from a semi-comatose state. battles Cheryl ofand I, glad as well the Because, in the end, you won, too.

And someday when your doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no children olditenough to most understand the thing logic that motivatesis wait out. The incredible I remember choice but toare her why bed you praying herenough to respond, thatparents, as we you all sat willaround tell them... lovedfor them to... . I noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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yourwasn’t mom mean? mine was.tragedy We hadovercome the meanest As Was if that enoughI know of a potential by motherKrista in the whole While kids ateagain candyduring for breaktriumph, would world. constrict myother coronaries her senior Hampton. fast,year we at had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi Twinkie for lunch, we had man to eatfrom sandwiches.

And you Kristaand had been dating a young Columbus, who can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from followed her to Hampton University to maintain their what other Traditionally, kids had. we held a summer picnic in August relationship. friendsonand it turned out to one at of all thetimes. best. You’d for family and Mother insisted knowing where webewere think planned we weretoconvicts in school a prison. to know who our Krista return to afterShe thehad picnic and initially we friends were, and what we were doing with them.

She insisted had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous that if we would be for her an hour thatthe we eight-hour would be occasions shesaid hadwebegged us gone to let make gonebut forwe an hour or less. We were that ashamed to due admittoit,uncertain but she drive, consistently vetoed option had the nerve break thefor child labor laws by making work. weather and thetopotential driving at night.

Krista us and her boyfriend begged us,dishes, promising to beds, take learn their totime, We had to wash the make the cook, alternate vacuum driving, anddo keep each empty other awake.

Inand theall long she would the floor, laundry, the trash, sortsrun, of cruel jobs. I have her she car would at Hampton for her senior year. of more things for us think lie awake at night thinking to It do. was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south was perfect.

If they left on theuspicnic fivethe o’clock, She always insisted tellingabout the truth, wholethey truth,could and arrive by midnight and By most of the would be nothing but the truth. the time wedriving were teenagers, she during could daylight hours.

Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. read our minds. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn’t let our worst friendscall just thewent horn,something waiting outside forthe us.phone They rang had The ofhonk my life like this: to come to the door could meetwaking them. While about one upo’clock in so theshemorning, us everyone from an else could date when were twelveAorgentleman thirteen, we had to sleep after the they picnic cleanup. introduced exhausted wait until were sixteen. ourstated motherthat we missed himself as a we highway patrol Because officer of and there out had been terrible accident our daughter thehave highway. on aa lot of things otherinvolving kids experienced.

None on of us ever Shebeen wascaught in critical conditionother and in the process of being life-flighted vandalizing people’s property or ever arrested to the ofwas Virginia Medical for University any crime. It all her fault! Center. We needed to get there right away.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest Cheryl I immediately went into panicjustmode and adults. Weand are doing our best to be mean parents like mom almost sickwrong as countless negative rushed was.became I think physically that is what’s with the world feelings today. We just heads.

I took a deep breath and leaped into problemintodon’t our have enough Mean Moms! solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus —Author Unknown flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we notified the boys so we all could Delaying Gratification pray together. Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said concept delaying is one thatjust mywhat parents he The was going to of start driving gratification there. Oh, great!

That’s we taught us at a young age.

It applies to many of life’s decisions and needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two inif youmorning. don’t learn to appreciate it early it, in which life, you will would suffer fall the the Cheryl absolutely forbade I knew consequences.

Saying doing areat Howard entirely University two different on deaf ears. Jason was inand medical school and we asked himmay to stay put.a Ultimately, decided to in flythe to Virginia. things―you stake position of we strength but moment Driving would only saveyou an to hour andorwe were too of exhausted. your emotions compel walk run a path vulnerability.

Many defy human reason as lead to Whentemptations Gus arrived,seem Kristatowas already in surgery.

He they was in comregrettable outcomes. munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much information about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from Early on I learned that if instead of buying one of the first things I the highway patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped saw in the store with my hard-earned allowance, but rather saved from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista my earnings, I could buy a much larger and better model or toy. I came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no was very fortunate to avoid many pitfalls during my youth and time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had many times in retrospect, was grateful for the lesson Isevere learned. sheared off the entire topI of the car. Krista suffered head, neck, facial, and upper-body trauma.

Her boyfriend, asleep at Growing up in a household with an Ob/Gyn as a father, the our time, only suffered minor injuries.

Of course, the first priority children were sure to hear many tales, both good and bad, related to was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that issues of sexuality. We didn’t take it for granted and did our best to with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis. be progressive parents and discuss the birds and the bees with them Theappropriate initial surgery stabilized vitalourfunctions she at the time. Cheryl and her I tried best not so to have could survive. like a mummy whenissues she “the talk.”

We Man, decidedsheto looked have discussions about sexual emerged from surgery, wrapped tubes everywhere.

Even as frequently, and as a more naturalup, conversation around the dinner a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. table. Even though I was an Ob/Gyn and Cheryl a teacher, we And, ityou knowtoit’s different when it’s your kid. Ittopics seemed like found difficult work into dinner conversations such as days, but as I now speculate STDs, it wasand onlythe hours before awoke pornography, masturbation, dangers andshe pleasures from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the of sexual activity. doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no I intentionally home anonymous stories patientsisI it out. The most incredible thingofI my remember choice but to waitbrought encountered thearound ER, office adverse herand bedsurgery, prayinghighlighting for her to the respond, I that as we allinsat outcomes of sexual activity and the devastating results of poor noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista. choices.

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paying attention. I’m sure they were grossed out, scared, or didn’t know what I was talking about. And, I probably didn’t give a proper balance regarding the pleasures of sex and may have lost some credibility of fairness in the process.

You know those parents who know that drinking is wrong, but let their teen and their friends drink as long as they stay in the house under their supervision? You know the parents who let their sons watch pornography as a rite of passage? You know the parents who want to be more like a friend and smoke a blunt with their kids? We weren’t those kind of parents. 

Right or wrong, we exercised a fairly strict control of their activities.



We limited the amount of time they were allowed to spend with other teens without adult supervision.



We discouraged engaging in older relationships.



We insisted on knowing our teens’ friends and made attempts to get to know their parents.



We insisted on knowing where they were going and where they had been, and made sure they knew we’d be checking.



We enforced a curfew and made sure they knew the consequences and we accepted few excuses.



We purposefully kept them busy with activities and sports and always served as coach, team mother, or were involved in some capacity.

We did, however, try our best to encourage healthy relationships

and tried to define things such as like, love, affection, seduction, desire, and gratification. We had many discussions regarding the consequences of a poor choice in the heat of passion that could impact the rest of their life.

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My experience was that we never really had any issues with drugs or alcohol. Rarely, Cheryl and I would have one or two drinks socially. We made sure the kids understood that an impaired driver, or a person under the influence during a sexual encounter was a dangerous equation. We made sure that our sons understood

that their sexual advances may be rebuffed or declined and that it was a woman’s right to say no. We made sure that our daughter understood she should never put herself in a position of vulnerability with any man or woman and that her strength and confidence were weapons to say no. We feel blessed and fortunate that they were able to navigate the challenging landscape during their teen years and beyond.

Now, I am with it enough to know that when it comes to sex and illicit drugs, that “just say no,” abstinence, saving yourself, the fear of religious consequences from fornication, etc., aren’t realistic expectations. But we tried to sell our kids on the idea that delaying immediate gratification had its virtues. I also tried to sell them on the idea that they were quite a catch and that any girl or boy (and I mean any) would be lucky to have them and might try anything to get them.

An unintended pregnancy would have life-changing consequences. I believe most unintended pregnancies are the result of reckless passion and being unprepared. There is no doubt that we live in a very sexualized culture and we all are bombarded with constant messages of sexual promiscuity in our music, movies, television, clothing, and advertising. If we as parents underestimate the age, sexual interest, and appetite of our children, we too may suffer the consequences of their actions. We can educate and do our best to protect them with options of birth control, but the power of prayer

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was first enough and mostofeffective option.

Also, aovercome little religious, As always if that our wasn’t a potential tragedy by triumph, Krista would sinful guilt didn’t hurt. constrict my coronaries again during her senior year at Hampton.

Truthfully, when my sons and my daughter, who are good Krista intelligent had been young datingpeople a young from Columbus, looking, wentman to college, I made surewho they followed Hampton University maintain knew theyher had to a bullseye on their backs. I’mtoconfident mosttheir men Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August relationship. and women go to college to receive a quality education, and I’m and it turned out to be one of thetheir best.soulmate. for familyconfident and friends equally there are some who want to find Nothing wrong to with thattoand I wished the picnic same for sons we and Krista planned return school after the andmy initially had made but arrangements for her flyfound back.their Onsoulmate numerous daughter, I wanted to make suretothey and occasions she hadfrom begged us to consequences. let her make the eight-hour not a relationship unintended drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain I was privileged to speak to the Black United Student organization weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her of freshmen students at my alma mater, Kent State University. boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate I spoke about delaying gratification and derailing their dream. I driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would told her them my fourfor “Ps”: Partying, Pregnancy, Pledging, and have carabout at Hampton her senior year.

Peer Pressure.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south not against I didabout my fair but they only could on FriwasI’m perfect.

If theypartying left theand picnic fiveshare, o’clock, day and I letmost that go around crucial arrive

by Saturday midnightand and of especially the driving would be exams duringor deadlinehours. assignments.

As far an in unplanned pregnancy, let’s just daylight Reluctantly, we as gave and off they went. say I took care of myself and didn’t trust anyone.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang about o’clock in of theKappa morning, waking us Inc., frombutanto I amone a proud member Alpha Psi Fraternity, the pledge picnic in cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted be honest,sleep I just after couldn’t undergrad.

Maybe there are some himself as abalance highway patrolwith officer stated that that could pledging their and academic load, butthere when had most been a terrible accident involving our daughter on the highway. brothers and sisters pledge, many sacrifices are made.

She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted Forfeiting my GPA when I was trying to get into medical school to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there was an activity that I wasn’t willing to yield to. I pledged the right away. graduate chapter and for me, it was the right decision. By the way, it Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and was the only decision, as my grandfather was the twelfth national almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed president of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. into our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsolving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, notified the boys we all could Everyone understands theweconsequences of so negative peer pray together.

Gus was medical school at Chapel Hilltoand pressure.

It’s worse in in college.

You’re making efforts fit he in said with he was going to start driving there.

Oh, great!

That’s just what we an unfamiliar crowd, trying to be an adult, and all of a sudden you needed.

Another childfreedom drivingtoondothe freeway, speeding at two in have this newfound what you want.

I guess all we the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall can do as parents is to emphasize that this is a pivotal point that can on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and shape the rest of our children’s lives. we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving wouldscary only save an of hour and we exhausted.

In relating stories others whowere havetoofallen prey to an ill-advised hope that at a critical point they may When Gusdecision, arrived,we Krista was already in surgery.

He was inrevisit comthat image, causing a momentary pause that allows an opportunity munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforfor them to rethink just one more their decision prior to action. mation about her condition.

As wetime unraveled what happened from I like this quote to sum what I’ve trying to say: first the highway patrol, theyupshared that been a 2,000-pound bull“The escaped from a nearby farm is and wandered onto the freeway. When Krista casualty of emotion reason.” came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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8

“I am not my hair I am not this skin I am the soul that lives within.” ―India Arie

I

’m not the poster child for the typical African American male.

While we don’t talk about it much in the Black community,

“colorism” is unfortunately alive and well. For the uninformed, colorism is the prejudice or discrimination against individuals based on skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnicity or

racial group. Favoritism is granted for lighter complexioned people over individuals with darker complexions. In the United States, its origins are deeply rooted in the history of slavery.

Cheryl and I have fair complexions, so we overemphasized the pride in our African American heritage ensuring that we armed our children with the ugly prospect of racism that was guaranteed to grab their self-worth. They would be judged by their African American family, friends and associates, political affiliations, and religious and social relationships.

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Myif grandparents parents instilledtragedy in me a overcome sense of politiAs that wasn’t and enough of aalso potential by triumph, KristaMy would constrict was my coronaries again her cal activism. grandfather president of the during local Urban senior year at the Hampton.

League and NAACP. He was forever championing civil rights for people color his dating entire acareer as man a lawyer judge. I who have Kristaofhad been young from and Columbus, visions of her being to on the shouldersUniversity of my fatherto and maintain mother in protest followed Hampton their marches.

Daily, we watched the evening news as they expressed relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August their outrage during and the itheight civil turnedofoutthe to be onerights of theera. best.We cried for family and friends together as a family with the loss of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., John Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, and Medgar Evers. had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous occasions she was had given begged her aunt maketo the My father landusbytohisletgreat buildeight-hour his dream drive, consistently vetoed that opportunity option due for to uncertain homebut andwe to possibly provide a better his family. weather and the from potential for driving at night. Krista her When we moved east Columbus to Whitehall, a more and suburban boyfriend begged us,a promising to Until take then, their I time, alternate school district, it was culture shock. was just a kid in driving, and keep each other awake.

In the long run, she would my community. The move to Whitehall made me more aware of my have carmy at Hampton for her year. skinher color, ethnicity, and my senior heritage.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south grassIfmay be left greener there, but five the water bill isthey higher.” was“The perfect. they the over picnic about o’clock, could arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during My hours. sister, Reluctantly, Deborah, and I transferred a predominantly daylight we gave in and offfrom they went.

Black school system to a predominantly White school system. Our The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang parents drove past the White churches, Boy Scouts, YMCA, and about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an other social organizations to shepherd us into the Black exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced community where we felt at home and accepted. himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had were only twoinvolving streets Blacks lived on on in the Whitehall and beenThere a terrible accident our daughter highway. by was nature and intention, weand all in stuck together.ofIn school, we sat at She in critical condition the process being life-flighted tothe theBlack University Virginia Medical We needed to get there kids’ of table during lunch.Center.

The other kids assumed I was right away. either mixed, Black, or Hispanic and this was reflected in the names I wasand called: Heinz 57, and wetback, among others.

Cheryl I nigger, immediately went into panic mode and almost became physically sick countless feelingswere rushed Anger, embarrassment andasfeelings of negative powerlessness porheads.

I took a deep breath and leaped into probleminto our tions of my daily diet. The kaleidoscope of the Black community solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed options, we notified theme boys so we all aware could with a variety of the beautiful colors insulated from being pray in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said that together. my skin Gus colorwas could be a disadvantage, or worse, a crime to he was Confusion, going to start driving there. great!inThat’s justI realized what weI many. outrage, and fear Oh, stepped because needed.

Another child driving the freeway, speeding two in would spend most of my youngonadult life navigating this at treatment the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall from the White community. on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and expressed mystay early activism by starting a school recognition of weIasked him to put.

Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Black History andangave speech it in I recall the Driving would Month only save houra and we on were tooclass. exhausted. pain andGus frustration one of teachers showed a video one the When arrived,as Krista was already in surgery.

He of was inof com-

civil rights marches the South. howled and inforjeered munication with theinmedical staffMy butclassmates hadn’t gained much at the images of Blacks being with batons, hoses turned mation about her condition.

Asbeaten we unraveled whatfire happened from on highway them withpatrol, full force, vicious tearing at bull their escaped flesh as the they and shared that dogs a 2,000-pound from nearby farm and wandered right onto of thefree freeway.

Krista they aexercised their Constitutional speech.When I sat silently came turn, herwith headlights massive animal, with no in thearound back ofathe class tears inhit mythis eyes. time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had The same emotions flood back today as I watch peaceful protessheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, tors assaulted pepper spray, tearHer gas,boyfriend, rubber bullets baneck, facial, andwith upper-body trauma. asleepand at the tons. Recent demonstrations and marches over thethe killing George time, only suffered minor injuries.

Of course, firstofpriority Floyd Minneapolis and numerous other African concerned American men, was herinlife.

If she survived, we were obviously that women, and broken childrenneck subjected to suffer police paralysis. brutality and injustice with the prior she might flood our television and cell phone newsfeeds. The entire world is a The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she witness to how little has been in the areas of equal could survive.

Man,progress she looked likemade a mummy when she justice, poverty, and parity in healthcare, economics, and education. emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

I was a standout on the football field and in the classroom, but I And, you interested know it’s in different when your kid. seemed like was never the girls whoit’s wanted my Itattention.

The days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke daughter of a Caucasian Whitehall-Yearling administrator was in from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the active pursuit of my affection, however, her father made it clear that doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no I would never be allowed to date his daughter. No problem. My choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is mother all but forbade me to date anyone other than Black girls. that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I During the school day I would leave Whitehall-Yearling and sneak noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, over to Eastmoor High School and East High School to see the not Krista.

Black girls.

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As that wasn’t enough of a potential tragedy overcome Myif extended family was represented by every blended hue ofby the triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during her African American rainbow. In tandem, my parents overemphasized senior year atsure Hampton. and made we understood that beauty had nothing to do with light skin,had keenbeen features, or “good hair.”

Krista dating a young man from Columbus, who followed heris a to University to maintain their Colorism bitchHampton and I absorbed many difficult lessons during relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August my adolescence which I passed on to my children. There were times for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. when I felt too light to be accepted by the Black community and just Krista planned to return school after the picnic and initially we dark enough to be rejectedtoby the White community.

I saw the pain, had made arrangements forsister, her Deborah, to fly back. numerous anger, and frustration of my and myOn parents as they occasions begged us to her make navigatedshe ourhad complex existence in alettroubled world.the eight-hour drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain I remember a particular instance when my father had gained the weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her respect of begged the Whitehall mayor andtowas asked to serve the City boyfriend us, promising take their time, on alternate Planning Commission.

For members thislong commission city driving, and keep each other awake. Inof the run, she and would council, theyatwere afforded the senior opportunity have her car Hampton for her year. to go on city tours with a patrol officer to better understand the inner workings of Whitehall.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south Dad signed up and one evening met the officer at the police station. was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could They began their excursion through the city with the officer pointing arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during out various areas of pride, potential, and problems. During the tour, daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. he suddenly turned on our street. He hadn’t done his homework and The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang he began to tell my father that “this is one of the streets our niggers about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an live on. Sometimes we hassle them just for fun, but most of them are exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced good niggers.” himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had my father sharing this story the dinner table with me beenI recall a terrible accident involving our at daughter on the highway. many after condition the incident. with of eager anticipation for She wasyears in critical and Iinwaited the process being life-flighted disclose what he said or did.Center.

As we We continued said tohim the to University of Virginia Medical neededtotoeat, gethe there right away. nothing.

Cheryldidand I immediately “What you say, what did youwent do?” I into finallypanic asked.mode and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed took a deep breath and leaped into probleminto“Nothing,” our heads.heI replied. solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we all could Neither of us said a wordwe fornotified the restthe ofboys the so meal.

I burned pray Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hillhadn’t and he said withtogether. anger and couldn’t understand why he said he was going to start driving there.

Oh, great!

That’s just what we anything. Sometime later he revealed that he was just as outraged needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in as I seemed to be, but he had a family to protect. He didn’t want to the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall incite some rogue cop to seek revenge if he was reported. Dad on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and assured me that at a later time, that cop got his. I don’t know if he we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia. ever did anything or he was relying on divine intervention, but it Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted. has stuck with me even to this day.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in comI experienced overhearing munication with the similar medicalincidents, staff but hadn’t gained conversations much inforin hospital doctor’s lounges as I appeared invisible or unrecognized mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from as ahighway Black man to those who may have known me.

When the patrol, they shared that not a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearbymatured farm and wandered When Krista the children and began toonto step the out freeway. into the world, I gave came a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no this poem: themaround time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had Too Black sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, neck, facial, trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the They takeand my upper-body kindness as weakness time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority They take my silence for speechless wasThey her life.

If she weaswere obviously concerned that consider mysurvived, uniqueness strange with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

They call my language slang The see initial surgery stabilized They my confidence as conceit her vital functions so she could survive.

Man, she looked like a mummy when she They see my mistakes as defeat emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as They consider my success accidental a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

They minimize my intelligence to potential And, you knowmean it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like My questions I’m unsure days, as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke Mybut advancement is some how unfair from a praise semi-comatose state.

Cheryl and I, as well as the Any is preferential treatment doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no To voice concern is discontentment choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is If I stand up for myself, I’m too defensive that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I If I don’t trust them, I’m too apprehensive noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, I’m deviant if I separate not Krista.

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I’m fake if I assimilate My character is constantly under attack Pride for my own race makes me “Too Black.”

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“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.” ―Horace Mann

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9

“In Africa you never say, ‘I am my brother’s keeper.’

You just keep him.” ―John Henrik Clarke

A

cross multitude decades of life’s experiences, I gathered insights into what life holds―the good and the bad. These experiences

have made me wiser and brought me closer to a few deeply held values. Here are a few things I’ve learned, and I hope my children learn them as well.

I’ve Learned I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of

experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

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I’ve I’ve learned that thatyou youshould should tell tella achild childtheir their dreams dreamsare are As if learned that wasn’t enough of never anever potential tragedy overcome by triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries again during and her unlikely ororoutlandish.

Few are humiliating, unlikely outlandish.

Fewthings things aremore more humiliating, and senior year at Hampton. what a atragedy ititwould what tragedy wouldbebeififthey theybelieved believedit.it.

I’ve that matter good a afriend they’re toto I’velearned learned thatnono matter how good friend they’regoing going Krista had been dating ahow young man fromis,is, Columbus, who hurt and forgive hurtyou you every onceinina awhile while andyou you must forgivethem them followed herevery to once Hampton University tomust maintain their for forthat. that. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August relationship.

I’velearned learned that thatit itisn’t isn’t enough enough bebe forgiven forgiven bybyothers, others, and it turned out totobe one of the best. for I’ve family and friends Sometimes Sometimesyou youhave havetotoforgive forgiveyourself. yourself.

Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we I’ve I’velearned learnedthat thatnonomatter matterhow howbad badyour yourheart heartisisbroken brokenthe the had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous world stop for worlddoesn’t doesn’t stop foryour your grief. occasions she had begged usgrief. to let her make the eight-hour I’ve learned that our background may I’ve learned that our background and circumstances circumstances may drive, but we consistently vetoed that and option due to uncertain have who are, but responsible haveinfluenced influenced whowe wefor are, butwe we are responsible forwho who weather and the potential driving atare night.

Krista for and her we webecome. become. boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate I’ve I’velearned learned that that just justbecause because two twopeople people argue,run, ititdoesn’t doesn’t mean mean driving, and keep each other awake.

In theargue, long she would that that they don’t love loveeach each other. other.

And And just justbecause becausethey theydon’t don’t have herthey car atdon’t Hampton for her senior year. argue, argue,ititdoesn’t doesn’tmean meanthey theydo. do.

It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south learned that we totofive change friends I’ve learned that we don’t have change friends if we we wasI’ve perfect.

If they left thedon’t picnichave about o’clock, they ifcould understand that change. understand thatfriends friends change. arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during I’ve learned that two people can look the I’ve learned that two people canin look atexactly exactly thesame samething thing daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave andatoff they went. and andsee seesomething somethingtotally totallydifferent. different.

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang I’ve I’velearned learnedthat thatnonomatter matterhow howyou youtry trytotoprotect protectyour yourchildren, children, about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an they theywill willeventually eventuallyget gethurt hurtand andyou youwill willhurt hurtininthe theprocess. process. exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced I’ve I’velearned learnedthat thateven evenwhen whenyou youthink thinkyou youhave havenonomore moretotogive, give, himself as a highway patrol officer and stated that there had when a afriend calls will find totohelp. friend callsout outto toyou, you,you you findthe thestrength strength help. been when a terrible accident involving ourwill daughter on the highway. ―Author Unknown She―Author was in Unknown critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there right away.

I’m I’m Old Old School, School, yet yet I I can can appreciate appreciatefads, fads, trends, trends,fashion, fashion, and andmusical musicaland differences differences from from generation generation toto generation. generation.

Certain Certain Cheryl I immediately went into panic mode and images, images, projected projected byby our our youth bothered bothered me mefeelings and and I Irushed found found almost became physically sickyouth as countless negative it itdifficult difficult totoI challenge challenge some of my my sons’ sons’ cultural cultural took a deepsome breath ofand leaped into probleminto our heads. and andgenerational generational customs. the airlines and weighed driving versus solving mode. Wecustoms. contacted flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed options,tolerance. we notified boys sofollowing we all could Within Within reason reason I the attempted I attempted tolerance.

I found I the found thethe following pray together.

Gus was in medical school at they Chapel Hill and he said selection selection and and passed passed it on it on to to mymy sons sons when when they were were teenagers. teenagers. he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in Letter Letter from from a College a College Student Student the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall The The other other day day a friend a friend visited visited meme in in theHoward the lobby lobby ofUniversity of mymy dorm dorm just just on deaf ears.

Jason was in medical school at and to chat chat while while her laundry laundry was was drying. drying.

As wewe chatted, chatted, two two young young wetoasked him toher stay put.

Ultimately, we As decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving would only save an hour and we were exhausted. freshmen freshmen came came by.by.

One One of of thethe boys boys wanted wanted totoo to “talk” “talk” to to mymy friend friend (as(as in in date). date).

She She asked asked them them how oldold they were, were, and and both both replied When Gus arrived, Krista washow already inthey surgery.

He was inreplied comthat thatthey they were were eighteen. eighteen.

Myfriend friend and andI laughed I laughed hysterically hysterically munication with the medicalMy staff but hadn’t gained much inforbecause because wewe areare both both twenty-two twenty-two and would would never never date date freshmen. freshmen. mation about her condition.

As we and unraveled what happened from After sheshe left, left, thethe young young men men were were still hanging hanging around, around, and and one one theAfter highway patrol, they shared that a still 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and wandered onto the freeway.

When Krista wanted wanted to to know know how how he he could could gain gain herher interest. interest.

The The first first thing thing I I came around awas turn, her headlights hitHe this massive animal, with no told told him him was to to pull pull up up hishis pants. pants.

He asked asked why why and and told told meme hehe time to “saggin.” react.

Later, saw the at the dump and the collision had was was “saggin.”

I told IItold him him tocar to come come over over to to my my computer computer and and spell spell sheared off the entire top of the car.

Krista suffered severe head, thethe word word “saggin.” “saggin.” neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the I told him tominor write the word “saggin” backwards.

Then I told him to write the word “saggin” backwards. time,Then only suffered injuries.

Of course, the first priority was her S-A-G-G-I-N life.

If she survived, we were obviously concerned that S-A-G-G-I-N with the prior broken neck she might suffer paralysis.

N-I-G-G-A-S N-I-G-G-A-S The initial surgery stabilized her vital functions so she I shared that thethe origin of of that look was from prison.

Men in in I shared that origin that look was from prison.

Men could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she prison prison wore wore their their pants pants low low to to signify signify that that they they were were available available forfor emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as dating dating other other men. men.

The The other other reason reason their their pants pants looked looked like like that that a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. was that they were notnot allowed to to have belts because of of thethe risk was that they were allowed have belts because risk And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like of oftrying tryingto tocommit commitsuicide. suicide.Saggin Sagginprevents preventsthem themfrom from days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke running away. running away. from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain ofmen, any residual effects and we had We noWe We, as as young Black men, must bebe thethe ones to to effect change.

We, young Black must ones effect change. wait it out.The The most incredible thing I remember is choice but to spiritually. areare dying media has made a mockery of of Black dying spiritually.

The media has made a mockery Black sat around her bed praying for her toAfrica respond, I that as and we allwomen. men women.

Even our brothers and sisters from somemen and Even our brothers and sisters from Africa somenoticed we had placed aseriously. bottle of water on as her tray.

Itaswas for me, times don’t take usus seriously.

Something simple pulling upup times don’t take Something as simple as pulling not Krista.

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your and standing head held highovercome could make As if pants that wasn’t enoughwith of ayour potential tragedy by the biggest difference the world’s us. during her triumph, Krista would in constrict my perception coronaries of again senior year at Hampton.

It’s time to do right by ourselves. We need to love and Krista had man from who embrace eachbeen other.dating No oneaisyoung going to do that forColumbus, us. followed her to Hampton University to maintain their It all comes down to perception. What people perceive is what is relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August reality to them. We have to change the media’s perception of us, for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best. but we need to change the perception of ourselves. Remember all Krista planned return to school after picnic and women. initially All we eyes are on you,toBlack men.

All eyes arethe on you, Black had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous eyes are on you, Black children. occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour pointconsistently the finger atvetoed us andthat expect us todue engage in negadrive,People but we option to uncertain tive and illegal manifest loud, behavior, to weather and the activities, potentialtofor driving at boisterous night. Krista and her spend our hard-earned money in to their stores, we boyfriend begged us, promising take theirbuying time, goods alternate don’t need, or really have In allowed not run, only she the media, driving, and keep eachwant. otherWe awake. the long would buther thecargovernment the senior worldyear. to portray us as a “subhave at Hamptonand for her culture.” have stripped culture down the drive point where It was aThey beautiful day andourthe forecast fortothe south the image of Black people is perpetuated as rappers, athletes, drug was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could users, junkmost food,ofexpensive tenniswould shoes, be expensive arrive byconsumers midnight of and the driving during cars, expensive TVs, cell phones and not investing in our homes, daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went. our communities, or our families. We are much more!!!

The worst call of my life went something like this: the phone rang —Author Unknown about one o’clock in the morning, waking us from an exhausted sleep after the picnic cleanup. A gentleman introduced To Allasof aOur Black Men himself highway patrol officer and stated that there had been It’s a terrible accident daughter on the highway. time to stand up. involving There are our millions of Black women who She was in critical condition and in the process of being life-flighted want to do nothing more than worship the ground you walk on. to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there We are so in love with your potential. We want to have your back, right away. we want to love, support, and cherish every ounce of your being.

Cheryl and I immediately went into panic mode and But with that you have to be willing to be the head of your almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed households. You have to prove yourselves worthy of our submisinto our heads. I took a deep breath and leaped into problemsion. We need you to be hard working, not a hustler. We need you solving mode. We contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As weighed options, we the boys soWe weneed all could to we seek higherthe education, to notified seek spirituality. you pray together.

Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said to stand! he was going to start driving there. Oh, great! That’s just what we And trust we willdriving have your back.

We know that it gets hard. needed.

Another child on the freeway, speeding at two in We know you get weary.

Trust and believe that there is nothing the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall that ears. a Black man womanschool can’t handle withUniversity God on their on deaf Jason wasand in medical at Howard and side. we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

—Author Unknown Driving would only save an hour and we were too exhausted.

When Gus arrived, Krista was already in surgery. He was in communication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforThe Talk! mation about her condition. As we unraveled what happened from theUnfortunately, highway patrol, theywe shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped today live in a state of political, social, and from nearby The farmuse andofwandered ontoand thewith freeway.

When Krista raciala unrest. cell phones support from the came around a turn, hernumerous headlightsexamples hit this massive animal, with no media, there have been of people of color being time to react.

I saw car at the dump the collision subjected to Later, racism in the many forms.

The and glaring tragedy had we sheared off the entire top of the car. Krista suffered severe head, have seen all too often is of African American men subjected to neck, facial, and upper-body trauma. Her boyfriend, asleep at the unnecessary use of force and police brutality during traffic time, only suffered minor injuries. Of course, the first priority stops, either costing or dismantling their lives. was her life. If she survived, we were obviously concerned that with the prior broken shethe might suffer paralysis.

Many of these casesneck expose stark reality of being a Black man in America.

Muchsurgery of this isstabilized lost on theher average American The initial vitalWhite functions so and she

when they hear of The Talk, they think we amean a discussion could survive.

Man, she looked like mummy whenabout she sex.

When our sons and daughters enter their teen years and begin emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as athe doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. rites of passage in obtaining their driver’s license, it’s time for

The Talk.

The Talk it’s is Lifesaving 101 when behind the wheel And, you know different when it’s you yourget kid.

It seemed like of a car. days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state.

Cherylstudent, and I,law-abiding as well ascitizen the Despite your history as a person, doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no who happens to be a motorist, or a Black youth, you may be viewed choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is as the profile of a potential suspect. If indeed it happens to you, that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I whether you are in violation or not, or simply “Driving While noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, Black,” your life may depend on how you react to the engagement not Krista. with law enforcement.

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is moreenough frustrating, degrading to your soul than As Nothing if that wasn’t of amore potential tragedy overcome by when you know you’re following the rule again of lawduring but being triumph, Krista would constrict my coronaries her treated asatifHampton. you’re not. Life isn’t fair. The Talk in many homes, senior year including mine, goes something like this: Krista had been dating a young man from Columbus, who “In preparation before youUniversity even pull out the driveway, followed her to Hampton to of maintain their don’t give the police any opportunity to pull you over to begin with. relationship. Traditionally, we held a summer picnic in August sureand your car and is init turned good working In best. other words, Make friends out to be order. one of the for family make sure all signals are working properly as well as head and tail Krista planned to return to school after the picnic and initially we lights. Make sure you have a current registration and insurance had made arrangements for her to fly back. On numerous verification in the glove compartment. When you begin to occasions she had begged us to let her make the eight-hour drive, make sure everyone has a seatbelt fastened. Make sure drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain your music is not too loud. It goes without saying, no drugs or weather and the potential for driving at night. Krista and her alcohol. No distracting horseplay that draws attention to boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate your vehicle. driving, and keep each other awake. In the long run, she would If you are ever pulled over, no sudden movements. Keep have her car at Hampton for her senior year. your hands on the dash where they can see them. Be cooperative, It was beautiful day and their the forecast for the drive Even south if polite anda respectful.

Follow instructions exactly. was If they left the picnic about offended, five o’clock, they could youperfect. are being disrespected or become keep calm and arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during don’t respond in a negative way. Your posture should be daylight hours. we gave in and offRemember, they went. you are in dignified but Reluctantly, not aggressive or arrogant. control of your own let others control you act.

The worst call of myemotions. life went Don’t something like this: the how phone rang

aboutAs one in your the emotions morning,take waking us from anis soon o’clock as you let over, you’ve lost. It sleep after cleanup.

A gentleman introduced exhausted to ask forthe thepicnic officer’s name and badge number.

Ask if reasonable himself a highway patrol and for stated that there in had you canascall your parents.

It is officer permissible you or someone the been a video terrible involving ourifdaughter on with the highway. car to theaccident encounter.

However, this is met resistance, She was in critical condition and in the process It’s of being life-flighted acquiesce, give in and follow instructions. not worth losing toyour the University Virginia Weneed needed to get there life. Often,ofthose in a Medical position Center. of power to feel as though right theyaway. are in total control. They reinforce control by having you comply withand theirI every request and met with they Cheryl immediately wentif into panicresistance mode and will often resort to physical control.

Don’t let situations escalate. almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed Some these Istrategies you may see and as demeaning, they just took a deep breath leaped intobutprobleminto ourofheads. might save your solving mode.

Welife.” contacted the airlines and weighed driving versus flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As we weighed the options, we notified boys somen, we all could My sons are young fair-skinned African the American and the pray together.

Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said reality is that most of the friends they hung out with were African he was going to start just what we American.

A car full ofdriving young there.

Black Oh, mengreat! could That’s be a potential target needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in of an unethical or prejudiced officer. I firmly believe that most of the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall our law enforcement officers are good, outstanding people but on deaf ears. Jason was in medical school at Howard University and those who are the exceptions can turn you into a tragic statistic. we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving would only save an Cheryl hour and were too I recall one Friday night andweI went out exhausted. and decided to take her Gus car. arrived, The boys had no andinwere going stayinhome.

When Krista wasplans already surgery.

Hetowas comOf course, their plans changed.

Gus called and asked if he could munication with the medical staff but hadn’t gained much infortake my car, her pickcondition. up a couple of unraveled his friends,what and happened go to the from high mation about As we school basketball game. he wanted take my new BMW conthe highway patrol, theySo… shared that a to 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm wandered the freeway. vertible out for theand night?

“Hell onto no! You just keepWhen your Krista butts came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no at home.” time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had He then if they ride with someone elsesevere to the head, game sheared off asked the entire topcould of the car.

Krista suffered and we agreed that plan.trauma.

A few minutes later as asleep Cherylatand neck, facial, andwith upper-body Her boyfriend, theI droveonly on silently, suddenly arrived at the the samefirst conclusion. time, sufferedwe minor injuries.

Of course, priority Would our son, responsible goodconcerned kid, in control was her we life.rather If shehave survived, wea were obviously that behind wheel of my car, jumping in paralysis. the car of some kid we with thethe prior broken neck sheormight suffer hardly made the quick callher and vital told him to take so my she car.

Theknew? initialWesurgery stabilized functions We also reminded him no than five totalwhen in theshe car could survive.

Man, shemore looked like passengers a mummy and remember “The Talk.” emerged from surgery, wrapped up, tubes everywhere. Even as a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken.

And, you know it’s different when it’s your kid. It seemed like days, but as I now speculate it was only hours before she awoke from a semi-comatose state. Cheryl and I, as well as the doctors, were uncertain of any residual effects and we had no choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is that as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, not Krista.

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10

It always seems impossible until it’s done.

—Nelson Mandela

I

’m proud that all of our children were good athletes. They all participated in sports from the time they were six or seven years old, playing baseball, basketball, football, and tennis. Their collective spirit and grit has allowed them to endure challenges beyond the fields and courts of competitive sports.

KRISTA Cheryl and I are small in stature, which presented a sports challenge for Krista as she, too, is vertically challenged. She more than made up her lack of size with toughness and determination to be the best at whatever sport she participated in.

Krista had great tutelage by attending every baseball, basketball, and football game in which her older brothers played. We tried to make her a cheerleader when they played football, but she would drop the pom poms, run on the field, and try and tackle someone.

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As that wasn’t enough of a and potential tragedy by Sheif started playing basketball baseball when overcome she was about triumph, Krista would constrictthemy coronaries again during her six or seven years old. Always smallest one on the court or field, senior year atthe Hampton. but clearly best. One Christmas, I bought the kids a Pop a Shot that I puthad in the basement. a family, loved that gamewho and Krista been dating aAsyoung manwe from Columbus, played forher hourstoon end.

When we were finished, returned followed Hampton University to Krista maintain theirto

we shoot held until a summer in August relationship. the basementTraditionally, alone and would I made picnic her stop. for family and friends and it turned out to be one of the best.

I used to bet my college buddies money they couldn’t beat her. She Kristalost. planned return to school the picnic and initially we never They to were amazed at herafter hand-eye coordination.

In basehad for her to fly or back.

Onshortstop. numerous ball,made she ledarrangements the team in batting and pitched played She occasions sheAll-Star had begged usintooneletAll-Star her make the eight-hour made every team and game they showed her drive, but we consistently vetoed that option due to uncertain off by having her play every position. She looked crazy and cute in weather and the potential for driving at night.

Krista and her all that catcher’s gear. boyfriend begged us, promising to take their time, alternate Whenand Krista was about eight years In old, allowed freely driving, keep each other awake. thewelong run, to sheher would ride her hercar bike our development to and have at in Hampton for her senior year.from her friends’ homes.

Tragedy struck one day while she rode her bike either going to or It was a beautiful day and the forecast for the drive south coming from swimming. We believe her towel got caught in the was perfect. If they left the picnic about five o’clock, they could spokes, suddenly stopping the bike, and throwing her face first to the arrive by midnight and most of the driving would be during paved road. daylight hours. Reluctantly, we gave in and off they went.

Frantic us, and we hadrang been The worstneighbors call of mysummoned life went something likethought this: theshe phone struck one by a car.

It wasina fairly breaking her jawanin about o’clock the gruesome morning, injury, waking us from three places andafter shoving her lower teethAback into herintroduced mouth. We sleep the picnic cleanup. gentleman exhausted

rushed as hera highway to the emergency room and wherestated they that took there X-rayshad and himself patrol officer suggested she accident be transferred thedaughter Children’s Hospital ER. been a terrible involvingtoour on the highway.

Unfortunately, wecondition probably and didn’t the best advice.

She was in critical in receive the process of being life-flighted to the University of Virginia Medical Center. We needed to get there They didn’t put a cervical collar on Krista, and they allowed me to right away. take her there in my car. She had a lot of swelling from the trauma andX-rays, I immediately went into to panic andCheryl after more she was taken to surgery repairmode her jawand and almost became physically sick as countless negative feelings rushed wire her mouth shut; it was going to be a difficult recovery. We I took deep intotoprobleminto our heads. returned home but overathe nextbreath severaland daysleaped she began develop a solving Weof contacted theConcerned, airlines andwe weighed driving versus strangemode. turning her head. notified the surgeons flying and the method of travel that would put us there sooner.

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As they we weighed thethat options, boys sofrom we all and suggested it waswe a notified result ofthe whiplash thecould accipray together.

Gus was in medical school at Chapel Hill and he said dent. We were told to perform head and neck rotation exercises to he was going startmuscles. driving there.

Oh, great! That’s justthat what we strengthen thetoneck I wasn’t comfortable with advice needed. Another child driving on the freeway, speeding at two in and demanded that she be seen immediately. the morning. Cheryl absolutely forbade it, which I knew would fall wasears. at the hospital working I received a frantic call from on Ideaf Jason was in medicalwhen school at Howard University and Cheryl telling me to get to Children’s Hospital right away.

Krista we asked him to stay put. Ultimately, we decided to fly to Virginia.

Driving wouldneck only and savewith an hour and we were too impinged exhausted.upon, had a broken the spinal cord being she wasGus at risk for Krista paralysis theinneck down.

When arrived, wasfrom already surgery.

He There was inwas com-a hurried conference the neuro-spinal surgeons and because of munication with thewith medical staff but hadn’t gained much inforher small didn’tAswant to do the traditional mation aboutsize her they condition. we unraveled what happened“halo” from procedure. proposed that she was a candidate for a non-halo the highwayThey patrol, they shared that a 2,000-pound bull escaped from a nearby farm and onto the freeway.

When Krista fixation, a procedure thatwandered they pioneered, and had only previously came around a turn, her headlights hit this massive animal, with no performed about eighty times. time to react. Later, I saw the car at the dump and the collision had Thereoff were thiscar. procedure.

The neurosurgeons sheared the great entire risks top ofinthe Krista suffered severe head, would have and to remove the wires from Her her mouth, and asleep put a breathneck, facial, upper-body trauma. boyfriend, at the ing tube her throat, movement of the and time, onlydown suffered minorrisking injuries.

Of course, thespinal first cord priority possible paralysis.

Krista underwent hours of difficult was her life.

If she survived, we were several obviously concerned that surgery arduous Because of the stabilization and with the and prioran broken neckrecovery. she might suffer paralysis. fixation her spine, the result was limited headfunctions and neck rotation; The ofinitial surgery stabilized her vital so she improvement depended on an aggressive rehabilitation program. could survive. Man, she looked like a mummy when she emerged from surgery, wrapped up,Totubes everywhere.

Even and as I took charge of Krista’s recovery. achieve increased head a doctor and experienced surgeon, I was shaken. neck rotation, I decided we would take up tennis. After three And, you know it’s different whenwe it’shad youra kid. seemed like months at the country club where socialIt membership, days, I now speculate wasultimately, only hours she awoke Kristabut wasasbesting her peers, itand thebefore girls two grades from semi-comatose state.as Cheryl as well as been the higher.a The parents inquired to how and manyI,years she had doctors, uncertain anyofresidual had and no playing were and wanted the of name her pro effects coach. and I waswe proud choice but to wait it out. The most incredible thing I remember is happy to reveal that I was her coach. Later, we secured a profesthat as we all sat around her bed praying for her to respond, I sional coach and eventually she rose to be the number one tennis noticed we had placed a bottle of water on her tray. It was for me, player at Gahanna-Lincoln High School. not Krista.

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As Asififthat thatwasn’t wasn’tenough enoughofofa apotential potentialtragedy tragedyovercome overcomebyby triumph, triumph,Krista Kristawould wouldconstrict constrictmy mycoronaries coronariesagain againduring duringher her senior senioryear yearatatHampton.

Hampton.

Krista Kristahad hadbeen beendating datinga ayoung youngman manfrom fromColumbus, Columbus,who who followed followed her her toto Hampton Hampton University University toto maintain maintain their their Traditionally,we weheld helda asummer summerpicnic picnicininAugust August relationship. relationship. Traditionally, friendsand andititturned turnedout outtotobebeone oneofofthe thebest. best. for forfamily familyand andfriends Krista Kristaplanned plannedtotoreturn returntotoschool schoolafter afterthe thepicnic picnicand andinitially initiallywe we had had made made arrangements arrangements for for her her toto fly fly back. back. On On numerous numerous occasions occasionsshe she had had begged begged usus toto letlet her her make make the the eight-hour eight-hour drive, drive,but butwe we consistently consistentlyvetoed vetoedthat thatoption optiondue duetotouncertain uncertain weather weatherand andthe the potential potentialfor fordriving drivingatatnight. night.Krista Kristaand andher her boyfriend boyfriend begged begged us, us, promising promising toto take take their their time, time, alternate alternate driving, driving,and andkeep keepeach eachother otherawake. awake.InInthe thelong longrun, run,she shewould would have haveher hercar caratatHampton Hamptonfor forher hersenior senioryear. year.

ItItwas wasa abeautiful beautifulday dayand andthe theforecast forecastfor forthe thedrive drivesouth south was wasperfect. perfect.IfIfthey theyleft leftthe thepicnic picnicabout aboutfive fiveo’clock, o’clock,they theycould could arrive arrivebybymidnight midnightand andmost mostofofthe thedriving drivingwould wouldbebeduring during daylight daylighthours. hours.Reluctantly, Reluctantly,we wegave gaveininand andoff offthey theywent. went.

The Theworst worstcall callofofmy mylife lifewent wentsomething somethinglike likethis: this:the thephone phonerang rang about about one one o’clock o’clock inin the the morning, morning, waking waking usus from from anan sleepafter afterthe thepicnic picniccleanup. cleanup.AAgentleman gentlemanintroduced introduced exhausted exhaustedsleep himself himselfasasa ahighway highway patrol patrol officer officer and and stated stated that that there there had had been beena aterrible terrible accident accidentinvolving involvingour ourdaughter daughterononthe thehighway. highway.

She Shewas wasinincritical criticalcondition conditionand andininthe theprocess processofofbeing beinglife-flighted life-flighted totothe theUniversity UniversityofofVirginia VirginiaMedical MedicalCenter.

Center.We Weneeded neededtotoget getthere there right rightaway. away.

Cheryl Cheryl and and I I immediately immediately went went into into panic panic mode mode and and almost almostbecame becamephysically physicallysick sickasascountless countlessnegative negativefeelings feelingsrushed rushed heads.I Itook tooka adeep deepbreath breathand andleaped leapedinto intoproblemprobleminto intoour ourheads. solving solvingmode. mode.We Wecontacted contactedthe theairlines airlinesand andweighed weigheddriving drivingversus versus flying flyingand andthe themethod methodofoftravel travelthat thatwould wouldput putususthere theresooner. sooner.

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As As we we weighed weighed the the options, options,we we notified notified the the boys boysso sowe we all all could could pray praytogether. together.Gus Guswas wasin inmedical medicalschool schoolat atChapel ChapelHill Hilland andhe hesaid said he he was was going going to to start start driving driving there. there. Oh, Oh, great! great! That’s That’s just just what what we we needed. needed. Another Another child child driving driving on on the the freeway, freeway, speeding speeding at at two two in in the the morning. morning. Cheryl Cheryl absolutely absolutely forbade forbade it, it, which which II knew knew would would fall fall on ondeaf deafears. ears.Jason Jasonwas wasin inmedical medicalschool schoolat atHoward HowardUniversity Universityand and we weasked askedhim himto tostay stayput. put.Ultimately, Ultimately,we wedecided decidedto tofly flyto toVirginia.

Virginia.

Driving Driving would would only only save save an an hour hour and and we we were were too too exhausted. exhausted.

When WhenGus Gusarrived, arrived,Krista Kristawas wasalready alreadyin insurgery. surgery.He Hewas wasin incomcommunication munication with with the the medical medical staff staff but but hadn’t hadn’t gained gained much much inforinformation mation about about her her condition. condition. As As we we unraveled unraveled what what happened happened from from the the highway highway patrol, patrol, they they shared shared that that aa 2,000-pound 2,000-pound bull bull escaped escaped from from aa nearby nearby farm farm and and wandered wandered onto onto the the freeway. freeway. When When Krista Krista came camearound aroundaaturn, turn,her herheadlights headlightshit hitthis thismassive massiveanimal, animal,with withno no time timeto toreact. react.Later, Later,IIsaw sawthe thecar carat atthe thedump dumpand andthe thecollision collisionhad had sheared sheared off off the the entire entire top top of of the the car. car. Krista Krista suffered suffered severe severe head, head, neck, neck, facial, facial, and and upper-body upper-body trauma. trauma. Her Her boyfriend, boyfriend, asleep asleep at at the the time, time, only only suffered suffered minor minor injuries. injuries. Of Of course, course, the the first first priority priority was washer her life. life. IfIf she she survived, survived, we we were were obviously obviously concerned concerned that that with with the theprior priorbroken brokenneck neckshe shemight mightsuffer sufferparalysis. paralysis.

The The initial initial surgery surgery stabilized stabilized her her vital vital functions functions so so she she could could survive. survive. Man, Man, she she looked looked like like aa mummy mummy when when she she emerged emerged from fromsurgery, surgery, wrapped wrapped up, up, tubes tubes everywhere. everywhere. Even Even as as aa doctor doctor and andexperienced experiencedsurgeon, surgeon,IIwas wasshaken. shaken.

And, And, you you know know it’s it’s different different when when it’s it’s your your kid. kid. ItIt seemed seemed like like days, days, but but as as II now now speculate speculate itit was was only only hours hours before before she she awoke awoke from from aa semi-comatose semi-comatose state. state. Cheryl Cheryl and and I,I, as as well well as as the the doctors, doctors, were were uncertain uncertain of of any any residual residual effects effects and and we we had had no no wait itit out. out. The The most most incredible incredible thing thing II remember remember isis choice choice but but to towait sat around around her her bed bed praying praying for for her her to to respond, respond, II that that as as we we all all sat noticed noticed we we had had placed placed aa bottle bottle of of water water on on her her tray. tray. ItIt was was for for me, me, not notKrista.

Krista.

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She Shefinally finallyopened openedher hereyes eyesbut butdid didnot notmove. move.Cheryl Cherylreached reachedfor for something somethingand andaccidentally accidentallyknocked knockedover overthe thebottle. bottle.Before Beforethe the bottle bottlecould couldfall falltotothe theground, ground,Krista Kristareached reachedout outand andcaught caughtit it with withone onehand. hand.I Itook tookit itfrom fromher herand andsat satit itback backononthe thetray. tray.

She Shecouldn’t couldn’tspeak, speak,but butinstead insteadgave gaveme mea athumbs thumbsup. up.Wow! Wow!I I knew knewwe wehad hada along longroad roadahead aheadofofus, us,but butI knew I knewsomehow somehowwith with God’s God’sblessing, blessing,we wewere weregoing goingtotomake makeit.it.

AAfew fewdays dayslater laterwe wehad hada asetback. setback.There Therewas wascontinued continuedbleeding bleeding ononthe thebrain brainand andswelling swellingand andtherefore, therefore,ananadditional additionalbrain brainsurgery surgery was wasnecessary. necessary.

You Youmay maywant wanttotoskip skipthis thispart. part.Krista Kristasuffered sufferedfacial facialfractures, fractures, orbital orbitalfractures, fractures,and andthe thetop topofofher herskull skullwas wascaving cavingin,in,causing causing brain braintrauma. trauma. Orthopedics, Orthopedics, neurosurgery, neurosurgery, vascular, vascular, and and plastic plastic surgery surgerywere wereinvolved involvedininher hercase. case.They Theymade madeananincision incisionfrom from peeledher herface facedown, down,removed removedthe thedamaged damagedtissue, tissue, ear eartotoear, ear,peeled controlled controlledthe thebleeding, bleeding,put putinina asteel steelplate, plate,and andclosed closedthe thedefect. defect.

Her Herinitial initialrecovery recoverykept keptususliving livingininthe thehospital hospitalininVirginia Virginiafor for several severalweeks. weeks.They Theyfinally finallyletletususdrive driveher herhome homeinina avan, van,essentially essentially inina ahalf-body half-bodycast. cast.Again, Again,she shelooked lookedlike likea amummy! mummy!

Mind Mindyou, you,this thiswas wasthe themiddle middleofofAugust Augustand andthe thedoctors doctorswere were uncertain uncertainwhat whatresidual residualeffects effectsKrista Kristawould wouldexperience experienceand andhow howher her recovery recoverymight mightprogress. progress.She Shehad hadnumerous numerousfollow-up follow-upappointments appointments ininColumbus Columbustotomonitor monitorher herprogress progressand andthe thepotential potentialfor foradditional additional surgery. surgery.Two Twoweeks weeksinto intoher herrecovery recoveryatathome homeshe sheannounced announcedthat that she shewas wasreturning returningtotoschool schooltotocomplete completethe thefall fallquarter. quarter.“No “No*%@ing *%@ing way!!!,” way!!!,”we wesaid saidininunison, unison,without withoutarbitration arbitrationorordiscussion. discussion.NeverNevertheless, theless,she sheprevailed. prevailed.Nothing Nothingwas wasgoing goingtotodeter deterKrista’s Krista’sintention intention totoapply applytotomedical medicalschool. school.

Later Laterthat thatnight nightCheryl Cheryland andI were I weretrying tryingtotofall fallasleep asleepwhen whenwe we heard hearda aconstant constantthumping thumpingsound. sound.What Whatininthe theworld worldwas wasthat that

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noise? noise? II turned turned on on the the lights lights and and walked walked down down the the hallway hallway to to find find Krista Krista on on her her back. back. Thinking Thinking she she might might be be having having aa seizure seizure or or had had fallen, fallen, my my heart heart was was in in my my throat. throat. Wrong!

Wrong! Krista Krista was was doing doing crunches crunches in in the the hallway hallway in in aa half-body half-body cast cast laboring laboring to to get get back back into into shape shape and and return return to to school. school. That That girl girl is is one one determined determined chick! chick!

Long Long story story short, short, Krista Krista resumed resumed school school that that fall, fall, accompanied accompanied by by aa new new roommate. roommate. Cheryl Cheryl moved moved in, in, drove drove her her to to class, class, and and assisted assisted her her during during that that difficult difficult time. time. Big Big props props go go to to Mama Mama Bear Bear Cheryl Cheryl for for her her grit grit and and determination. determination. Family, Family, friends, friends, and and loved loved ones ones all all supported supported us us during during this this season; season; we we could could not not have have made made itit without without the the prayers, prayers, food, food, transportation, transportation, gifts, gifts, cards, cards, and and letters. letters. The The conference conference call call for for prayer prayer with with family family and and friends friends was was one one of of the the most most amazing amazing experiences experiences ever! ever!

Krista Krista graduated graduated with with honors honors (President (President Barak Barak Obama Obama was was her her commencement commencement speaker speaker (and and was was accepted accepted to to The The Ohio Ohio State State University University College College of of Medicine.

Medicine. Her Her neurosurgeons neurosurgeons informed informed us us that that she she would would have have some some learning learning difficulties difficulties resulting resulting from from sursurgery gery and and offered offered to to submit submit aa letter letter to to the the medical medical college college to to support support aa potentially potentially different different pace pace and and learning learning curve. curve. Like Like Kevin Kevin Hart Hart said, said, “I “I ain’t ain’t got got time time for for that.” that.” Krista Krista sailed sailed through through without without any any academic academic problems problems or or special special assistance. assistance.

She She was was aa class class officer officer for for the the Student Student National National Medical Medical AssociaAssociation, tion, an an admissions admissions committee committee member, member, and and played played intramural intramural sports. sports. As As far far as as the the trauma trauma and and scars scars from from her her accident, accident, they they have have all all faded faded and and she she is is aa beautiful beautiful and and accomplished accomplished woman. woman. She She was was even even featured featured in in Role Role Model Model magazine magazine while while in in med med school, school, highhighlighting lighting her her leadership leadership and and academic academic accomplishments. accomplishments. II tried tried to to put put into into words words how how friends friends and and family family impacted impacted our our lives lives during during this this time: time:

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“It’s “It’s been been a little a little over over a month a month now now and and I’ve I’ve had had a little a little time time to to think think about about this this incredible incredible journey journey that that we’ve we’ve been been through through with with Krista.

Krista.

While While painful, painful, tragic tragic and and challenging, challenging, it has it has turned turned outout to to be be a blessing a blessing in in so so many many ways. ways.

It was It was a journey a journey that that you you refused refused to to allow allow me, me, Cheryl, Cheryl, and and thethe family family to to take take alone. alone.

I’mI’m sure sure it was it was one one that that you you have have similarly similarly had had to to take take with with your your own own family family or or loved loved one one at at some some point point in in your your life. life.

I can I can only only hope hope that that you you had had thethe love love and and support support that that wewe experienced. experienced.

Your Your love love forfor us us was was expressed expressed in in so so many many ways: ways: flowers, flowers, gifts, gifts, delicious delicious meals, meals, helping helping with with household household chores, chores, errands, errands, answeransweringingthethephone, phone,taking takingmessages, messages,encouragement, encouragement,reassurance, reassurance, kind kind words, words, humor, humor, and and most most importantly, importantly, prayer. prayer.

ByBy way way of of cards, cards, letters, letters, calls calls and and thethe Internet, Internet, wewe received received thethe healing healing power power of of prayer. prayer.

Many Many of of you you prayed prayed privately privately without without ourour knowledge, knowledge, butbut wewe feltfelt your your presence. presence.

WeWe heard heard from from many many of of ourour family family and and close close friends friends often often and and it sustained it sustained us us in in ourour faith. faith.

WeWe also also heard heard from from many many of of you you who who only only knew knew us us as as anan acquaintance acquaintance or or only only knew knew us us byby way way of of another another family family member member or or friend, friend, butbut still still showed showed your your concern. concern.

AllAll of of us us that that were were able able to to participate participate in in thethe Internet Internet prayer prayer vigil vigil were were able able to to experience experience a a life-changing life-changing blessing. blessing.

I’ve I’ve chosen chosen notnot to to mention mention names names in in trying trying to to in in some some small small way way say, say, “thank “thank you.” you.”

I would I would never never want want to to diminish diminish even even what what might might have have been been perceived perceived as as a small a small giftgift of of support. support.

I’ve I’ve thought thought forfor a long a long time time about about how how I might I might saysay “thank “thank you” you” forfor thethe blessblessings ings we’ve we’ve received. received.

One One way way may may be be to to give give this this testimonial testimonial about about what what thethe power power of of prayer prayer cancan do.do.

The The healing healing power power of of prayer prayer hashas brought brought Krista Krista from from a little a little over over one one month month ago ago of of being being in in a near a near fatal fatal carcar accident, accident, several several procedures procedures and and surgery, surgery, to to being being restored restored physiphysically, cally, mentally, mentally, and and spiritually. spiritually.

Her Her determination, determination, indomitable indomitable 100100 100

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spirit, and faith in God went well beyond understanding what medical care and physicians could do. She refused to be delayed, set back, or defeated.

Despite our concerns, pleas and recommendations to take her time and take off the semester with the doctors’ okay, Krista returned to Hampton University for the first day of school on September 8th, one month and four days after her accident. She reassured me that she could do it because she would be taking a “light load” (anatomy, genetics, physics and biochem). Okay, she does have a new roommate for the first few weeks...

Cheryl Parker.

We felt the need to monitor her recovery as best we could for a while. Many have said that she is definitely our child and we take that as a supreme compliment. My God, my God, my God, what a miracle through the power of prayer. As most of you know, this is the second miraculous healing after a tragic accident. Truly, God must have something special planned for Krista’s life to demonstrate His power and glory.

One thing in life I’ve learned and have tried to pass on to my children is that to give life meaning and show your love for God, is to give back through service. Not only was Krista blessed and changed forever through this journey, but I think it’s fair to say that we were all moved to a new level of faith and commitment.

The Sunday before Krista left for school, we attended church service. During the call for prayer, Cheryl, Krista, and I went down before the church congregation and rededicated our lives to better serving God. It was a very emotional and beautiful experience. Recently, while at school, Krista asked our permission to share her testimonial with other Christian groups on campus.

Wow! God is good! Please continue to pray for Krista’s full 101 101

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recovery recoveryand andpray prayfor forususall. all.You Yousee, see,the thepower powerofofprayer prayer has hasgone gone far far beyond beyond Krista’s Krista’s miracle. miracle. ItIt has has restored restored and and revived reviveda amiracle miracleininall allofofus.” us.”Thank Thankyou youand andGod GodBless.

Bless.

Gus Gusand andCheryl Cheryl

JASON JASON The Thesecond secondpart partofofour ourtrilogy trilogyinvolves involvesJason.

Jason.I’ve I’vealready alreadyshared shared my myconcern concernregarding regardingour ourchildren childrenchoosing choosingthe themedical medicalprofession, profession, but butthat’s that’swhere wherewe wewere wereduring duringthose thosedifficult difficulttimes. times.When WhenJason Jason selected selectedan anundergraduate undergraduateschool, school,he heseemed seemedtotobebesocially sociallyconscious conscious and andintrigued intriguedby byhis hisAfrican AfricanAmerican Americanheritage. heritage.He Hetook tookususdown down the thepath pathofofconsidering consideringan anHBCU. HBCU.

My Myknowledge knowledgeofofHampton HamptonUniversity Universitywas waslimited. limited.I Iknew knewthat that during during my my father’s father’s military military service service years, years, he he was was stationed stationed atat Hampton Hamptonfor fortraining trainingprior priortotobeing beingsent senttotoSan SanDiego Diegofor forservice serviceinin the theNavy.

Navy.I Ialso alsoknew knewmy myfather’s father’sdear dearfriend, friend,Bob BobMormon, Mormon,who whoatat the the time time was was the the Central Central Intercollegiate Intercollegiate Athletic Athletic Association Association (CIAA) (CIAA)Commissioner, Commissioner, lived lived inin Hampton, Hampton, Virginia, Virginia, asas did did Jason’s Jason’sgodparents godparentswho whowere weregood goodfriends friendsfrom fromour ourresidency residencydays. days.

Finally, Finally,I Iknew knewthat thatHampton Hamptonwas wasa awell-respected well-respectedHBCU, HBCU,but but little littleelse. else. Jason Jason led led the the way way and and eventually, eventually, all all three three siblings siblings graduated graduatedfrom fromHampton HamptonUniversity.

University.

Jason’s Jason’shealth healthhad hadalways alwaysbeen beengood goodbut butthat thatchanged changedininhigh high school. school.He Hebegan begantotohave havebouts boutsofofabdominal abdominalpain painand andchanges changesininhis his bowel bowelhabits. habits.AAworkup workuprevealed revealeda adiagnosis diagnosisofofulcerative ulcerativecolitis. colitis.

This Thiscame cameout outofofnowhere. nowhere.ItItisisa adisease diseaseofofunknown unknownetiology etiologyand and we we had had no no real real family family history history ofof itit except except an an aunt aunt on on my my mother’s mother’sside. side.

Over Overthe theyears, years,Jason Jasonendured enduredseveral severaldifferent differentmedical medicalregimens, regimens, which whichworked workedfor fora awhile whilebut buteventually eventuallyprompted promptedusustotopursue pursue 102 102 102

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other paths. He experienced flare-ups followed by periods of remission. His flares caused pain, fatigue, and blood loss through frequent bowel movements. His last regimen was a series of injections, which seemed to help, but the flares persisted. Jason didn’t complain and always wanted to be treated as if nothing was wrong.

Undoubtedly, he struggled through undergrad, and yet he persevered and assured me he wanted nothing more than to become a physician. After graduating from Hampton, he started medical school at Howard University in the summer of 2006. Upon completion, he was accepted into a family practice residency at Mount Carmel Hospital in Columbus, Ohio.

During his first year of residency, Jason’s health was stable although he continued to struggle as the flares worsened. For those who battle this disease if medical therapy doesn’t work, ultimately surgery is the definitive cure. Surgery, however, presents risks and challenges. Jason seemed to be heading toward a surgical resolution and he began to consider the best time to take off from residency.

In late November or early December, he experienced a bout of chest pain. He was admitted, worked up, and treated for pericarditis, an inflammation of the sac around the heart. The diagnosis was that the pericarditis was the result of a virus. It quickly resolved and he returned home feeling fine. Because he was considering the upcoming surgery, the medical team suggested a follow-up cardiac stress test just to make sure everything was okay.

The stress test was satisfactory but it showed some concerning changes. Again, to determine that everything was okay to proceed, they suggested a more definitive cardiac cath to ensure all his cardiac vessels were fine for a potential surgery.

Jason had a radial cath, which was a relatively new procedure and becoming a more popular approach.

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A cardiac catheterization is a procedure by which a tube (catheter) is introduced through a small incision in a groin vessel and directed up into the heart vessels. There, a dye is squirted and by X-ray, a picture reveals if any of the vessels are narrowed or blocked. A blockage can cause heart damage, which potentially can lead to a heart attack. The radial catheterization Jason underwent was to insert the catheter into a vessel in the wrist, up through his arm and then into the heart vessels.

This intended outcome was to hopefully minimize post-procedure bleeding where the catheter was inserted. Usually, the patient is instructed to stay off their feet as much as possible to minimize walking and aggravating the groin area for a few days after surgery.

Because ulcerative colitis causes frequent bowel movements and trips to the bathroom, the wrist approach was thought to be a safer choice.

Jason’s vessels were clean and looked great. We stayed with him in his apartment for the first twenty-four hours as suggested and kept close tabs the next day. The second day after his catheterization, which was a couple of weeks before Christmas, I called to check in.

Jason assured me he was fine, shared that he was going to do some Christmas shopping, and that we could catch up later.

My administrative job took me in several directions and engagements within the hospital. Frequently, I had to review highrisk cases, unexplained deaths, and potential liability issues.

Occasionally, I was called at odd times to the hospital to help investigate a particular issue. As my phone rang, I could see it was the emergency room and I figured it was another case I needed to investigate. I remember the nurse saying, “Dr. Parker you need to get over here to the emergency room right away.” I asked if it was a fetal or maternal case and she said, “No, it’s your son!”

I don’t remember driving to the hospital and as I walked through the ER, a sick feeling arose in the pit of my stomach. A nurse grabbed 104

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me by the arm and briskly walked me to one of the bays behind a curtain. There was a lot of commotion and activity as about seven people were working on Jason. One of the cardiologists at the bedside began to explain that something was terribly wrong.

Jason appeared to be having a heart attack and part of his heart wasn’t moving. The cardiologist hastily explained that we had to do something immediately―either open his chest or get him to the cath lab to remove a possible clot. He began yelling for the staff to get him to the cath lab and I was directed to the waiting room.

I called Cheryl and told her to get to the hospital right away.

Attempting to reassure her that Jason would be okay, I stressed that she needed to pray. Cheryl arrived and we remained in prayer.

Suddenly, the doctor appeared and asked me to accompany him to the lab. As we began to follow him, he asked one of the nurses to stay with Cheryl; only I was to accompany him.

Confused, I feared the worst and didn’t know what to expect. The cardiologist quickly explained that Jason did indeed have a clot but in order to remove it they would have to give him a blood thinner. He was bleeding heavily from his bowels because of the ulcerative colitis and giving him the blood thinner might not allow him to stop bleeding.

Feeling we had no choice, I asked them to proceed. I had called my good friend, Dr. Charles Noble, another staff cardiologist and he arrived immediately. They both worked on Jason and as I stood nearby, I was somewhat reassured because I could hear him screaming in pain; Jason was conscious and fighting for his life. Shortly thereafter, they told me they were successful in removing the clot, but Jason needed surgery to stop the bleeding.

The anesthesiologist didn’t want to give him anesthesia in his condition and the surgeons didn’t want to touch him either.

We had a quick conference with all the staff, and everyone agreed that Jason’s condition was beyond anything they had encountered.

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For Jason’s best chance to survive, the decision was made to contact the Cleveland Clinic and have him life-flighted there immediately. Cheryl and I went home, packed the car, notified our close circle of prayer warriors, and raced to Cleveland.

Jason was on blood thinners, receiving blood and antibiotics. His heart was weak from the massive heart attack and naturally we were extremely distraught. Thank God, he seemed to stabilize during the next two days. Jason needed to recover and get stronger if he was to have surgery to stop the bleeding from the ulcerative colitis. We did what any parents would do and vigilantly sat at his bedside.

At one point, Cheryl went to the family waiting area or to get something to eat. Jason related to me that his arm felt funny where he had the cardiac cath and it seemed to be turning darker and numb. We called the nurse and after checking the site, she thought everything looked okay. Over the next several minutes, Jason’s arm grew darker and I insisted on a doctor evaluating it. An ultrasound of the arm revealed that the blood vessels were totally clotted, obstructing blood flow. Suddenly, Jason said, “Oh no,” and as I looked down, the bedsheets had turned red with blood.

We scrambled again, and there was no other option than to take Jason to surgery to remove the part of his bowel that was bleeding. It was late at night and we had been in the waiting room for about six hours. Eventually, one of the surgeons appeared and said things were going well, but if they were to save his arm, they needed another two hours. It would be a risk to continue but the decision rested on our shoulders. I simply said, “Save his arm.” Going into surgery, the arm had turned a dusky gray, but a person can live with one arm. Did I make the right decision?

About an hour-and-a-half later, the doctor appeared and explained that Jason was stable and in recovery and the arm was pinking up.

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he received. His recovery was extensive and grueling, and I think we were in Cleveland about a month.

After returning home, Jason stayed with us as his surgical wounds needed around-the-clock attention and care the first couple of weeks. Unfortunately, we had another setback. One night, Jason appeared at our bedroom door and simply said, “Take me to the hospital, I have a blood clot in my lung.”

Perhaps being a doctor paid off, because Jason certainly had a pulmonary embolus and was admitted for treatment―another lifethreatening condition. Things didn’t get any easier and he later developed a postoperative abscess, became septic, and had to endure more surgery.

Jason persevered, weathered the worst days of his short life thus far, and never gave up. He braved one additional surgery and after it was completed, he never looked back. He completed his residency exactly one year from the initial incident. I can’t express enough the courage and determination Jason embraced to overcome the obstacles set before him.

After all of this, I guess I just should have been grateful he survived. His heart and body were severely damaged, and I feared he would never be the man I hoped he would become. Being the imperfect, selfish person that I am, I didn’t just want him to survive, but thrive. And thrive he did!

In 2019 and 2020, Jason (as well as his brother, Gus) was honored in Charlotte magazine as one of Charlotte’s top doctors, an outstanding hospitalist in his field. He is in better shape than almost all of his peers; he swims, boxes, and exercises to stay in shape. And, he was blessed to marry a beautiful and talented angel, Eloisa, in 2019.

Our faith was tested only to be restored with these life lessons that were revealed to me through my children. And, once again, we 107 107

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were supported by our village of family, friends, and prayer warriors. Earlier, I referenced that when Jason graduated from residency, I communicated to him the message of “A Blessing to Be a Blessing to Others.” Jason has embraced the blessings he has received and continues to be a blessing to others.

GUS IV With Jason and Krista, we had been through a lot and momentarily we experienced the best of days. Our faith walk continued while at least one child was in college. Interwoven with Jason’s story, the trilogy continued with Gus. Once again, we were tested.

In early 2015, our oldest son, Gus, shared the good news that he and his beautiful bride, LaToya, were expecting our first grandchild.

The baby was due around mid-September, which is close to my birthday. We were obviously elated and through a reveal party, we knew they were expecting a girl.

As an Ob/Gyn physician living in Columbus, Ohio, at the time it was very difficult not to be emotionally and physically present in Charlotte. Consequently, I tried to monitor each successive month from afar. LaToya had a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy and as her due date drew closer, we became more anxious. Consummate planners, Cheryl and I prepared to travel from Columbus at the earliest sign of labor so we could be there in time for the birth.

I answered the phone in the wee hours of the morning on September 15, and asked, “What’s going on?”

“The worst possible thing you can imagine,” Gus answered.“ We’re at the hospital and there is no heartbeat.”

I can’t imagine how hard that phone call was for my son to make and how tragic it was for him to confront this grim reality. We were

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devastated and the loss of our granddaughter immediately drained the very life out of us. Once again, we realized that we were not in control and we quickly had to regain our strength to help Gus and LaToya. We needed to surround them with as much love as possible despite what we were going through. The birth was an incomprehensible life lesson, compelling another search to the depth of our faith to support each other through the process. Our granddaughter, Aviana, was a beautiful and perfect angel and we’ll never know why she was called so early. In the best way possible, we try to communicate, stay connected, and preserve her memory.

Some days are more challenging than others, but we support each other with prayer and love.

Without hesitation, I knew Gus and LaToya would be wonderful parents and the good Lord blessed them again about two years later and we welcomed Naveia Grace Parker on March 17, 2018. A new blessing, Kailyn Faith, joined Gus and LaToya December 1, 2019, adding yet another gem to our growing tapestry. The girls are beautiful, healthy, happy, and fulfill our lives.

Diamonds are mined miles deep in the earth or ocean, where it is dark, cold, and gloomy. Without going through a transformative process, you cannot realize the treasure, beauty, and value of the gem. Someone pays a price, typically through risk and physical labor to bring forth diamonds from chunks of coal or dirt.

The same analogy is applied to overcoming the trials of our faith―God refines us to bring forth vessels of honor for His glory. The tests don’t always result in tragedy, because He always causes us to triumph in Christ Jesus!

“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.” ―Chinese Proverb

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11

Who is smarter, the wise man or the one who came to him for advice?” ―Author Unknown

I

don't come from a very large family, it was me and my sister Deborah. Punctuated with many cousins, our family shared every birthday and special occasion together.

My relationship with Deborah hasn’t always been like it is now.

When I was young, I knew she loved me, but it was the expected love you have for a relative. Deborah is six years older, yet now it seems I’m the big brother. Looking back, she was my big sister, my protector, my babysitter. I was her little brother, a chore to babysit, a pest to her and her girlfriends.

When you’re young, six years is almost too many years to allow you to have much in common. Her circle of friends, interests, and entertainment choices were vastly different. Organically, things began to change when she went off to college―she wasn’t around and her presence was missed. Without any announcement of life’s progression, she suddenly became this grown woman who went away and left me. We had an opportunity to grow much closer

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when her oldest son, Brian, arrived and I had the new role as Uncle Gus. Deborah landed in Cincinnati, Ohio, and began a career at Proctor & Gamble. Her venture into entrepreneurship was prideworthy and I marveled at her courage, boasting to everyone about the great things she was accomplishing. Boy, did our relationship change when I decided to attend the University of Cincinnati for medical school.

Actually, Deborah was one of the reasons for my decision. I felt secure knowing I had her support. Perhaps the sentinel moment that changed our relationship was a particular evening when I went out to a club and ran into her and her gang. The next thing I knew, I was dancing with one of her girlfriends and having a great time. She sat at a table nearby, sipping on a drink, staring at me.

As I exited the dance floor, she said, “I just can’t believe I’m partying with my little brother.”

Our relationship changed forever. Suddenly we had some of the same friends, similar interests, and cracked each other up talking about our daily lives and drama. We were no longer just brother and sister―we grew to be best friends. She and her husband, Al, were raising three boys and I learned a lot from watching, listening, and taking mental notes as Deborah successfully navigated their family dynamics. I guess like in many families, the kitchen is the focal point and Deborah has that down pat. She loves to cook, and I love hanging out in the kitchen, sampling food, telling stories, laughing, and simply being enmeshed with her family.

There were times in medical school when I felt frustrated, exhausted, dismantled, and depressed. My safe place was Deborah’s kitchen table. To this day, whether by phone, remote video, or in person, she and Neal, her faithful companion, are there for me when I need them.

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We have experienced hills and valleys in our individual lives, but one thing I can count on is her love and support. As pages turned in our lineage, we have lost grandparents, aunts, uncles, and our parents. I think we realize now more than ever the importance of family. We talk every few days and get all up in each other’s business about what is transpiring within the family.

It is fortunate that we enjoy each other’s company―we can hardly wait to see one another and spend time laughing about the latest unfolding drama. Deborah isn’t merely someone I share a parent with, she is so much more―in my mind she is enduring.

I have countless friends, but with the exception of Cheryl, I can say she is genuinely my best friend. Deborah is my champion, my confidant, my source of pride, my role model, and my sounding board. I’ve learned a lot from her. I love that girl!

Second Baptist Church Address I believe parents can’t parent in a vacuum. You can’t do it alone.

It’s our duty to expose our children to positive influences, excellent teaching, mentoring, sports activities, religion, service, and exam-ples of philanthropy. These examples shouldn’t be compartmental-ized but incorporated into every aspect of their daily living. To trust these examples, they must see them.

Here is a sermon I gave during Black History Month at Second Baptist Church in Columbus, Ohio, in the neighborhood where I grew up as a youngster. Within the text is a poem I was introduced to as a young man and I absolutely love its message about those our children may idolize.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be always acceptable in thy sight, Oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer. Amen.

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Good morning. I want to begin by thanking Pastor Howard Washington, the deacons, deaconesses, the board of trustees and the Second Baptist Church family for allowing me the privilege to speak to you this morning. I am humbled and honored that someone thought I might have something worthwhile to say.

I am not as learned a student of the Bible as maybe I should be, but I am a man of faith and God has put it on my heart to give a little testimony about my journey. So, bear with me.

When asked to speak, I looked for inspiration. What sermon could I possibly deliver in a church that would do justice for this occasion? It occurred to me that I need not look any further than my wallet. I keep something in my wallet to remind me of my daily challenge. It’s a poem by Edgar A. Guest called “Sermons We See” (shared in chapter 3. ( The sermons I saw growing up shaped, molded, and inspired me through my journey. I did not travel a great distance to get here this morning. In my early years, I grew up not too many blocks from here. We lived on the corner of Hawthorne and Taylor across from the emergency room of St. Anthony Hospital. I used to be the trauma. I was sneaking in and out of the emergency room with my scratches, scrapes, and bruises and this probably fueled my interest in medicine. I got married around the corner at Centenary Methodist Church. Got my hair cut at Shelby’s Barbershop, when I had some. I saved some money that I didn’t put in the church collection plate for the Dairy Queen on Long. Did little chores at Barney’s Market and Tyler’s Drugstore, and walked to Early’s record shop with my sister. Walked to the Y to participate in athletics. Oh, it took a village! Some of you that are seasoned saints may know of some of these names.

Eldon Ward, Nelson Newsome, Bill and Claude Willis, Bob Boyd, Mary Lester, Malcolm McCoy, Roland James, George and Eleanor DeLoache Brown, Zeke Powell, Ernie Carr, 114 114

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Amos Lynch, Ann Walker, Anna Bishop, Bob Morman, Dick France, Jack Gibbs, Reverend Charles Jenkins, Reverend Holloway, Father Higginbotham, Reverend Hicks, Waldo Tyler, John Williams, Mr. John Francis, and Floyd and Helen Seward.

My heroes and sheroes were the men and women in the community who raised me. They gave tirelessly to their churches, community, YMCA, shelters, etc. I had no excuse for lack of success. I had two loving, supportive parents that emphasized education and service, Barbara and Bo Parker.

Many of those I looked up to were some of our fine African American physicians, who probably unknown to them, inspired me to become a physician. Jack White, Arthur Calloway, Wilburn Weddington, Julian Robinson, Ernest Newkirk, James Morgan, Kenneth Allen, John Rosemond Sr., Watson Walker, Alfred Jefferson, Arthur Clark, Walter Thomas, and Harold McDaniel.

Again, I am honored that the church has entrusted me as a physician to give a message this morning because you see, sometimes churches have created a divide between the art of medicine and religion. Sometimes, some of our religious leaders profess that the doctors were wrong about their diagnosis or treatment and have encouraged you not to rely on their counsel, but instead, rely simply on your faith. I’d like to speak for a moment about faith and medicine together as one.

First Corinthians 12:27: “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others.“

I’d like to put myself in the latter category, “those able to help others.” You’ve heard about doctors playing God. You see, many 115 115

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doctors do have an ego that allows them to choose to put themselves before God. It reminds me of a story.

The bishop of a Baptist church dies and goes to heaven and is immediately notified by an angel that everyone is treated equally there regardless of their past position on earth. Later, while in line in the cafeteria, a man with long hair, a gray beard, a white coat and a stethoscope hanging around his neck, cuts in front of the line and grabs his tray of food.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” the bishop asked. “I thought everyone was equal in heaven.”

“Oh, don’t bother him,” St. Peter said in a calm voice. “That’s God, and every now and then he likes to play doctor.”

Certainly, I don’t think physicians should try and play God. You see, I see myself as an instrument of God. Someone much wiser than I said, “the magic is not in the wand, it’s in the magician.” I’m the instrument, or wand, and God is the magician.

I don’t believe that the science of medicine and faith are mutually exclusive. I believe God has given us all special talents to teach, to build, to reason, to create, and ultimately to serve. God doesn’t give us a mind to reason and then say, “It’s okay to go play in the traffic,” and by faith He will prevent the oncoming traffic from hitting you. No, God gives us the knowledge, tools, and wisdom to negotiate how to get across the street safely. He gives us traffic lights, crosswalks, and traffic cops as tools of faith to help us. I see doctors and the medical profession much the same way.

I’m sure there are some physicians who think they have the power, when we know God is in control. Another story. You remember the hit TV sitcom, MASH (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital ( ? The young hotshot surgeon, Dr. Hawkeye Pierce, was frantically working on an injured soldier in surgery from

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multiple gunshot wounds. Try as he might, bringing all of his knowledge and skill to bear, he lost the patient on the operating table. For the next several days he was very despondent and depressed, often crying and asking himself why he couldn’t save the young man.

Finally, he sought the counsel of wise, old Colonel Potter.

Colonel Potter explained to him that in war there were two rules.

Rule number one is that young men die; rule number two is that doctors can’t change rule number one.

This further illustrates that we ultimately have to rely on faith.

You see, doctors don’t like to be wrong. We like to think that we are in control. Some want to give the impression that they are never wrong, shouldn’t be questioned, and are above reproach.

One of the heroes I mentioned was Jack Gibbs. We lost him way too early. Many of you may have known him as a star football player, helping The Ohio State Buckeyes win the 1954 national championship; or maybe as the dynamic principal of East High School; or starting Fort Hayes Career Center, and know that we even have a street named after him. Yes, that’s right. I even had the nerve to marry the principal’s daughter, my soulmate, Cheryl.

Together, Cheryl and I have tried to instill the values taught by our parents into our three children. We’ve been very blessed. We were honored this year by being featured in several publications such as African American, Ray Miller’s publication, another of my modern-day heroes. It’s somewhat rare even in the majority community to have three physicians in one family, but we were blessed that all of our children have chosen to serve as physicians.

We count as four.

At first, I was somewhat self-conscious of the recognition, but many in the community suggested that we need to celebrate and

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hold ourselves up as examples of what this community has to offer. I feared that some might think that this picture represented success. But believe me, there are many physicians who have nice homes, fancy cars, and some degree of financial success and they are miserable, lonely, and depressed. Success for me is working hard at my profession and having a rested soul at the end of the day. A rested soul from knowing that I am doing what God has given me to do.

In my practice, I am blessed and privileged to be witness to miracles and the power of prayer every day. I’ve witnessed countless miracles every day in practice, even here in your own church and community. You see, I was one of Carla Bailey’s doctors. I’ve witnessed it several times even in my own family.

God allows me to steward over the miracle of the birth of a child. He allows me to participate in the surgical process in an attempt to restore health, and He even allows me to steward over the transition of the end of life and help families make that transition, when necessary. He also allows me to see His healing and restorative powers when everything I’ve learned, taught, practiced and brought to bear as a physician has failed.

But God never fails us. Another story…

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island in the middle of nowhere. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and a small campfire to keep him warm.

Then, one day after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find that the wind had blown the flames from his little campfire to his hut. It was in flames, smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst

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had happened. Everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. “God, how could you do this to me?” he cried.

Early the next morning, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.

“How did you know I was here?” asked the weary man of his rescuers. “We saw your smoke signal,” they replied (author unknown).

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But, we shouldn’t lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. So, remember the next time your little hut is burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it.

You say: It’s impossible God says: All things are possible You say: I’m too tired God says: I will give you rest You say: Nobody really loves me God says: I love you You say: I can’t figure things out God says: I will direct your steps You say: I can’t do it God says: You can do all things You say: I can’t forgive myself God says: I forgive you You say: I can’t manage God says: I will supply all your needs You say: I’m afraid God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear You say: I’m always worried and frustrated God says: Cast all your cares on me You say: I don’t have enough faith God says: I’ve given everyone a measure of faith You say: I’m not smart enough 119 119

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God says: I give you wisdom You say: I feel all alone God says: I will never leave you nor forsake you Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life says we’re here to serve.

Someone has said that the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you found out why.

I want to tell you that there is work to be done. One of my major interests and challenges is in health disparities. Health disparities are disease processes that disproportionately affect one population versus another. Heart disease, hypertension, kidney disease, numerous cancers, and infant mortality affect African Americans two to three times more than the majority population.

Infant mortality is defined as the number of children per thousand that die before their first birthday. It is a worldwide healthcare barometer that reflects the overall health of your community. Ohio ranks near the bottom, as one of the worst in the country. I am privileged to serve on the Infant Mortality Task Force here locally in the Prenatal Care component as well as on the State Medical Expert Panel.

There are many reasons for this appalling statistic, not the least of which are the social determinants of healthcare: poverty, poor housing, drugs, violence, transportation issues, nutritional issues, unemployment, access to care, and lack of educational opportunities. I’m committed to finding solutions to these challenging problems. It seems like a daunting task, but I’m inspired by countless servants of God who have joined the fight to reclaim our youth, reclaim our communities, and save our future. There’s work to be done. You know I can’t do it alone.

Earlier, I shared the names of numerous heroes and sheroes who challenged and inspired me to become a physician. I’d like to publicly say thank you to my main shero, my wife, Cheryl Gibbs Parker. She is a tireless worker in the community, 120 120

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constantly finding ways to give through numerous organizations. She humbles me and keeps me grounded in my work life, family life, and my faith walk. Not everyone has that kind of support at home. It reminds me of another story.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. He had been feeling poorly. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into the office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.

Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him a back massage. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on TV to relax.

And, most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next ten months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?” Calmly and looking straight ahead, she said, “You’re going to die.”

That’s not my wife. She is a saint. I jokingly refer to her as Little Mother Teresa. She has overseen the professional development of four physicians in our family, allowing us to commit our lives to service through the power of medicine and faith.

When I look at this challenging problem of infant mortality, I’m encouraged by this quote: “I see poverty, I see hunger, I see a need for education, I see homelessness, I see violence, and I ask God why hasn’t He done something about this and He said, “‘I did. I brought all of you into the world.”’

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The message is loud and clear that we are here to serve. To the young people: I challenge you to study, work hard, and look to those in your church, school, and community to lead and mentor you. Don’t follow the crowd―you lead and have the crowd follow you.

To the adults: every one of you can be a mentor. You don’t have to be in a group or organization. Share something you have learned with a young person. ‘To the world you may be only one person, but to that one person, you may be the world. (Source unknown) What can you do?  Provide culturally sensitive information on obesity, nutrition,

alcohol, tobacco, drug use, physical activity, breastfeeding, and safe infant sleep.  Develop partnerships with organizations to address health

needs of women and children in the community.  Offer space for meetings or health fairs.  Volunteer with hospitals, health clinics, and other service agencies.  Support programs that promote the important role of fathers in

pregnancy and parenting.  Encourage members of childbearing age to be as healthy as

possible before becoming pregnant.  Help members get to prenatal care appointments and follow up

appointments for mom and baby after delivery.

We need everybody contributing to our children’s future. In closing, paying homage to Black History Month and Dr. Martin Luther King’s dream, I say it not only takes a village, but it takes teamwork to make this dream work. Thank you.

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“Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.” ―Muhammad Ali

Heroes present themselves in many ways. We tend to think of adjectives such as respect, admiration, and honor. Taking into consideration their accomplishments and the way they carry themselves, we strive to emulate them. Sounds like a serious challenge, but on occasion we just need to look at someone and laugh!

One of my good friends, Terry Anderson, does that for me and my family. The Anderson family of five boys has been exceptionally important in my life. Three of the brothers were older and two younger. From the time we were in Little League sports until now, they adopted me as part of their family. Tim was even the best man in our wedding. But it was Terry who always provided the comic relief.

Terry never had any children, at least not yet, but he is everyone’s Uncle Terry. Present at practically every special occasion, birth, game, graduation, move, and family gathering, he is always able to weave his special talents of art, music, poetry, sport, gag gifts, and education into every encounter. We all need more role models like him.

We were blessed to have unconditional love and support from my in-laws: Cheryl’s brother, Attorney Jack Gibbs (Aloma) and Cheryl’s parents, Jack and Ruth Gibbs. Models of hard work, compassion, and service, the Gibbs family passed on and lives by the motto “If I can help somebody as I pass along, then my living will not be in vain.”

The song “If I Can Help Somebody,” was sung by Mahalia Jackson and made famous by Dr. Martin Luther King.

Earlier, I mentioned trust. When it comes to mentors and others with whom I might engage our children and potentially have influence over them, I remain steadfast, committed, and involved.

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I was blessed to have a schedule and partners that allowed me to be involved in all of the kids’ activities. Cheryl was even more committed as a team mother, serving as team transportation, part-time coach, PTA representative, counselor, and Jack & Jill president. She headed up service projects too numerous to count and made sure our children understood the cause and benefit.

I often tell a story of when the boys were in college at Hampton as roommates. Back then, we were cognizant of our phone minutes and selective about when we called them. During a period of weeks, I had become increasingly frustrated over being unable to reach the boys when I called on the weekends. Already agitated, I was unable to contact them yet again one Saturday morning around ten o’clock.

Again, no answer.

Voicing my frustration, I alerted Cheryl that they were probably out partying all night and were still asleep. I began to formulate my lecture about how inconsiderate it was for them not to answer. What if there was an emergency or something for which I really needed them? I was loaded for bear when they finally called the following Sunday. As I began the grand inquisition and asked why they couldn’t answer their phones, they explained that on Saturdays they participated in Project Sunshine, a Hampton community mentoring program, where they volunteered to teach and tutor inner-city kids. They admitted that because they had to get up so early, upon their return they often took an afternoon nap and didn’t check their messages until later.

The Rav 4 Another example of compassion and service revealed itself the last month of Krista’s senior year at Hampton. As she looked forward to graduation, Krista bloomed again. She seemed to have fully recovered from the accident and her scars had all but faded away. She was happy, healthy, and beginning to prepare for her 124 124

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next phase of life, transitioning back to Columbus to attend The Ohio State University College of Medicine.

Krista had the fortunate and unfortunate fate of inheriting her brothers’ car, the now famous Rav 4, which serviced her well during her years at Hampton. Hampton had more than its share of well-todo and celebrity-status students from across the country and by the time those students were seniors, the parking lot was adorned with Mercedes, Porsches, and BMWs. We originally bought the Rav used and by the time the boys had abused it, it was pretty beat up. Krista loved that car and for me it was simply a source of reliable transportation.

Cheryl and I were so proud of what Krista had accomplished we decided that one of her graduation gifts would be a new car. Truth be told, we weren’t sure the Rav 4 could even make the trip back to Columbus. But I was certain I wanted her to have dependable transportation during medical school and especially in anticipation of the harsh winter weather that was sure to come. While at Hampton, I reliably maintained the Rav 4 with regular service, new tires, oil changes, etc., and it never failed its mission to get Krista wherever she needed to go. It had more than 200,000 miles and looked a mess. At one point, it was caught in a riot or party of some sort, beat to a pulp with baseball bats, and appeared to have been set on fire. But on she went.

We put a plan in place to trade the Rav in and purchase a new car for graduation. We knew we wouldn’t get much―maybe $1,500 to $1,800, but it was something.

Krista had another idea. In those last weeks before school ended, she asked me if the Rav was really hers. Puzzled, I answered, “Well, yes.”

As cafeteria food goes, Krista loved chowing down on her favorites. She and loads of other students felt a kinship with several cafeteria workers who took on the role of surrogate parents when 125 125

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it came to the students’ nutrition. The workers were engaging and at times entertaining. They genuinely took an interest in the students’ lives, and made sure they brought a little bit of home to them in the form of comfort food.

There was one lady who was particularly kind to Krista and was a student favorite. She always chatted while Krista was in line, exchanging pleasantries, and received updates on her plans and progress.

Krista noticed this particular worker making a long trek to work in the early morning hours, carrying large bundles to and from the cafeteria. I don’t think she knew the distance she traveled, but yes, you guessed it. She asked if I thought it would be alright to give her the Rav. We made all the necessary arrangements to free up the title and serviced the Rav one last time. Now it would be to serve someone else. I wish I could have been there to see Krista present and surprise her with the keys, but I know Krista did it in her own personal, private, and dignified way. It really didn’t surprise me. This diamond was becoming quite a gem.

You know the feeling you experience when you think the things you tell your children will never sink in? Over time, that melted away and Gus, Jason, and Krista all continue to volunteer and provide service to those less fortunate.

On one occasion we were discussing tattoos. Gus has one he designed which adorns his left shoulder. It shows praying hands over a silhouette of Africa and the words, “Knowledge is Power.”

I said, “I guess he is the only one who has a tattoo, and the boys responded in unison, “Krista has one.” Cheryl immediately jumped up and asked, “Where and what is it?” A chase ensued resulting in Cheryl pulling down Krista’s pants to reveal a quote discreetly placed on her upper thigh. It read, “I Am Third.”

They are the living sermons we see!

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“Don’t count your days, make your days count.”

—Muhammad Ali

T

here are no better days than the holidays when we are still able to gather around the table in prayer, holding hands, and giving thanks for all we have.

No better days than hearing the laughter of young and old as we play minute-to-win-it games after the best meal on the planet.

No better days than when we’re all cheering and giving high fives as our favorite team, The Ohio State University Buckeyes, secures another victory.

No better days than sitting around playing cards and telling lies about our golf game, past sports exploits, and how big the fish was that got away.

No better days than all of us singing, thinking we’re just as good as what we see on television.

No better days than watching old home movies and reliving memories of those who have gone on to everlasting life.

The only better days are those yet to come as we mine diamonds out of our future generations.

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Dr. Augustus Garland Parker III was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio. He has served the Central Ohio community and now Charlotte, North Carolina, in the field of women’s healthcare.

As an obstetrician, Parker delivered more than 8,000 babies. An early adopter of robotic surgery, Parker served as the director of robotic surgery and physician director of diversity and health equity for Mount Carmel Health Systems in Columbus, and as a medical director for Women’s Urgent Care for Novant Healthcare in Charlotte. He has served in numerous other leadership positions including, president of the Columbus Board of Health, department chairman for several hospital systems, senior medical director for managed care institution, and president of the local National Medical Association.

A few of Parker’s past honors and accomplishments include Columbus Man of Excellence, Black Leaders and Legends, Teacher and Physician of the Year, and the March of Dimes Community Health Leadership Award. Additionally, he led the first African American Male Wellness Walk/Health Festival in Charlotte.

Parker lectures on several topics related to health disparities and has been featured as a motivational speaker for youth groups. He holds a patent on a medical device currently used in obstetrics and gynecology. Adding to his variety of talents, he made a film debut in the comedy, Political Promise, playing a doctor.

A member of Beta Delta Boulé, Sigma Pi Phi Fraternity, and Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc., he is also a member of Friendship Missionary Baptist Church. His lasting legacy includes his lovely and accomplished spouse, Cheryl, and their three physician children, Dr. Augustus Parker IV, Dr. Jason Parker, and Dr. Krista Parker; and four grandchildren, Aviana, Naveia, Kailyn, Deshawn, and one on the way.

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PHOTO CREDITS: All images are from family archives, and special thanks to family friend and photographer, Terry Gilliam, for all of the moments captured over the years.

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GALLERY CAPTIONS 133

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Top L-R: Jack and Ruth Gibbs,

Top L: Pastor Keith Troy and Krista

Cheryl and Gus, Barbara and Augustus G.

Top R: Krista at Halloween

Parker, Jr.

Bottom L: Coaching baseball

Bottom L: Barbara and Bo Parker

Bottom R: Krista at bat

Bottom C: Augustus G. Parker, Sr.

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Bottom R: Ruth Gibbs

Top: Family in Columbus, Ohio

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Bottom L: LaToya, Gus,

Top: Gus and Cheryl

Kailyn and Naveia

Top: L-R Deborah, Barbara, and Bo Parker

Bottom R: Naveia and Cheryl

Bottom L: Mom, Barbara Smith Parker

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Bottom R: Dad, Augustus “Bo” Parker, Jr.

Gus IV and Jason 135 Top: At the Long Street Cultural Wall

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Jason Parker, Ruth Gibbs, Cheryl and Gus

Top: Krista

Bottom Top L: Med school graduation

Bottom: Krista’s son,

Bottom L: Gus and the boys

Deshawn Alexander

Bottom R: Kent State graduation

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Top: The Parkers

Top: Gus IV and Jason

Bottom: Drs. Parker and Cheryl

Bottom L: Gus IV and Krista Bottom R: Gus and Victor Peña

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Bottom L: Gram Gibbs and Naveia

Top L: Victor Peña and Gus

Bottom R: Jason and Eloisa's

Top R: Fort Hayes Monument

Baby Announcement

Middle: Gus, Dad and Terry Bottom: Aviana's Memorial

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