푸른 밤의 푸른 달 (A Blue Moon on a Blue Night)

푸른 a blue moon

밤의

on a blue night

푸른 달

푸른 밤 라디오의 김종현 말 모음집 A collection of words from Kim Jong-Hyun on Blue Night Radio

푸른 밤의 푸른 달 푸른 밤 라디오의 김종현 말 모음집

a blue moon on a blue night A collection of words from Kim Jong-Hyun on Blue Night Radio

designed and illustrated by julianne feaver translated into korean by roo-ra lee edited by ye lim lee

DISCL AIMER All quotes in this book were thoughtfully translated and posted online by fans since Jonghyun first began hosting Blue Night in 2014. All of the translated quotes were found on social media (including Twitter and Tumblr) from January–May 2018. The fans who originally translated these quotes are: Cosmicsticks, Fantaemsie, Minyeodan, Sullaem, and Thatcoolcatmeow.

Quotes have been slightly edited in grammar and sentence structure in the interest of clarity while honoring the integrity of the original translations.

While I (the creator of this book) am a native English speaker who cannot speak or read Korean, it was important to me that Jonghyun’s words were written in his own language as well as English. As a student, I was unable to afford the services of a professional translator to translate all of the English quotes back into Korean. In order to make this book complete, I had the help of Korean speakers who graciously translated and edited the Korean text for me. I am sincerely grateful for their help, notably that from Roo-Ra Lee and Ye Lim Lee, who kindly worked with me to edit his words.

종현 그리고 따뜻함과 사랑으로 그를

기억하고 싶은 모든 이들에게 바칩니다.

To Jonghyun, and to those who want to remember him with warmth and love.

한국 아이돌 그룹 샤이니의 김종현은 2014년 2월 2일 MBC FM 4U의 푸른 밤에 호스트가 되었습니다. 그의 바쁜 스케줄에도

불구하고, 종현은 건강 문제로 인해 공식적으로 DJ를 그만두게 된 2017년 4월 2일까지 3년간 라디오 방송을 계속 진행했습니다.

고난을 겪는 청취자들은 종현의 푸른 밤에서의 시간 동안 생각과 그가 주는 응원을 듣고 즐겼습니다. 팬들은 해외 청취자가

편안하게 읽고 위안을 찾도록 그의 방송에서 발췌한 것을 번역하기 시작했습니다. 더 나아가 종현의 사려 깊은 말을 전 세계에 퍼트리고 함께 마음의 평화를 찾았습니다.

이 책은 전세계 수많은 시청자에게 감동을 준 종현의 말을 담은 모음집입니다. 우리는 그가 남긴 말을 절대 잊지 못할 겁니다.

Kim Jong-Hyun (Jonghyun), member of Korean idol group SHINee, became a host on MBC FM4U’s Blue Night Radio on February 2, 2014. Despite his hectic schedule, he continued to host the radio show for three years until April 2, 2017 when he officially stepped down as DJ due to his health. During his time on Blue Night Radio, listeners enjoyed hearing the thoughts and encouragements Jonghyun gave, especially those who were struggling. Fans began translating excerpts from his show for international listeners to read and find comfort in as well, further spreading Jonghyun’s thoughtful words around the globe and bringing those who found peace in them together.

This book serves as a collection of some of Jonghyun’s words that resonated with countless listeners around the world.

May we never forget them.

APRIL 8, 2015

To me, there is no such thing as a useless thought. All of them will be useful somehow.

제가 보기에는, 불필요한 생각이라는 건 없어요. 모든 생각은 어떻게든 유용하니까요.

english translation: cosmicsticks

1

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

JULY 19, 2015

a blue moon on a blue night

2

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

JULY 19, 2015

저는 사람들이 푸른 밤에 의지할 수 있다고 해 주실 때 감사함을

느껴요. 푸른 밤…이 단지 라디오 쇼는 아니에요. 그것은 공간과 시간에 더 가깝죠. 사연을 보내주시는 청취자 분들 용기와 참여 덕분에 힘을 얻어요. 진심으로 감사해요.

I feel thankful when people say they can lean on Blue Night.

Blue Night...is not just a radio show. It’s more of a space and time. I'm inspired by the courage of the listeners who send their personal stories. I feel really thankful.

3

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

I hope that everyone around me will be happy, including the people who don't like me.

저는 제 주변 분들, 저를 싫어하시는

분도 다 포함해서 행복했으면 좋겠어요.

a blue moon on a blue night

4

NOVEMBER 17, 2015

항상 “행복”이라는 게 대체 뭔지 되게 궁금증이 되게 컸어요.

최근 계속 꽂혀 있는 단어인 것 같아요. 저는 제 주변 분들, 저를 싫어하시는 분도 다 포함해서 행복했으면 좋겠어요.

I’ve wondered a lot about what this thing called “happiness” is. It seems to be a word that I've been fixated on lately. I hope that everyone around me will be happy, including the people who don't like me.

english translation: cosmicsticks

5

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

SEPTEMBER 30, 2016

청취자: 자신을 색깔로 묘사한다면, 어떤 색깔이라고 생각하세요? 종현: 저는 다크 블루인 것 같아요. 전 그렇게 되고 싶어요, 다크

블루가 되고 싶어요. 오늘 날씨에 대해서 어떤 분하고 얘기할 때,

“오늘은 좀 어두운 것 같아, 구름도 끼고 햇볕은 잘 보이지 않아. 좀

춥기도 하고, 그래서 오늘은 파란 재킷을 입을거야” 라고 했죠. 오늘 입고 있는 재킷의 색상처럼 되고 싶어요.

Listener: If you had to describe yourself as a color, what would it be?

Jonghyun: I think I’m dark blue. I want to be like that, like dark blue. I was talking with someone about the weather earlier today and I said, “Today seems a little dark, it’s cloudy and the sun can’t be seen really well. It’s a chilly day [too], so I’m going to wear a blue jacket.” I hope to be the color of the jacket I’m wearing today.

a blue moon on a blue night

6

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

SEPTEMBER 30, 2016

7

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

NOVEMBER 19, 2015

비가 왔어요! 비, 비! 당신은 비를 좋아 하나요? 저는 좋아해요!

저를 위해, 저는 비가 싫지 않아요. 저는 밖에 일 때라도 꺼리지 않아요. 저는 우산을 조차 쓰지 않아요.

a blue moon on a blue night

8

NOVEMBER 19, 2015

It rained! Rain, rain! Do you like rain? I love it! For me, I don’t dislike the rain. I don’t mind it even if I’m outside. I don’t even use an umbrella.

english translation: cosmicsticks

9

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

JANUARY 18, 2017

청취자: 처음 술을 마셨을 때 어땠어요? 흥분 됐었나요? 무서웠었나요?

종현: 흥분되거나 무섭진 않았구요, 그냥 울었어요. [웃음] 옛날에는 진짜 진짜 술을 [잘] 못 마셨었거든요. 게다가 의미 있는 일 뒤에

가진 모임에서 마신 술이라 굉장히 감격스러운 마음에 계속 기쁨의 눈물을 흘렸죠.

Listener: How was it when you first had an [alcoholic] drink?

Were you excited? Scared?

Jonghyun: I wasn’t really excited or scared, I just cried a lot. [laughs] Back in the day I really, really couldn’t drink [well].

On top of that, since it was a drink I had at a get-together after a meaningful event, it was all so overwhelming. I just kept shedding tears of joy!

a blue moon on a blue night

10

english translation: fantaemsie

MARCH 1, 2017

사전의 냄새를 되게 좋아해요. 사전의 종이가 얇은 점도 너무

좋아요. 어떤 특정 잉크로 만들어서 그런지 아니면 종이 자체가

달라서 그런지 모르겠지만 사전에서 나는 냄새가 좋아요. 어렸을 때 국어사전 읽기를 되게 좋아했어요. 문장을 어떻게 만드는지

배우거나 단어의 종류들을 배우는게 너무 재밌었어요. 중학교 때 한창 이러면서 참 재밌게 놀았었죠.

I like the smell of dictionaries. I like how the paper is so thin, too. I don’t know if it is because the ink they use is different, or the paper itself is different, but I really enjoy the smell of dictionaries. I used to like reading the Korean dictionary when I was younger. I had fun finding out about how to make a sentence or learning about the noun types. I had so much fun doing that in middle school.

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

11

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

FEBRUARY 25, 2017

가끔은 외롭거나 공허한 감정도 느껴보는 게 좋은 것 같아요. 이런 감정들을 어떻게 극복해 나가는지 또 어떻게 컨트롤하는지를 아는 것도 중요해요.

Sometimes it’s good to experience loneliness and emptiness, but it’s important to know how to get over and control these emotions too.

a blue moon on a blue night

12

english translation: cosmicsticks

Sometimes it's good to experience loneliness and emptiness.

가끔은 외롭거나 공허한 감정도 느껴보는 게 좋은 것 같아요.

13

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

SEPTEMBER 24, 2015

저는 슬픈 느낌의 멜로디를 가진 외국 노래 가사들 번역본을

일부러 안 찾아봐요. 해석을 보면 되게 슬퍼지거든요. 우리나라 슬픈 노래 듣는 거 만으로 이미 벅차요.

I purposely don’t look up the translations for pop songs [that I listen to in other languages] with very sad melodies. [If I did] then I’d be really sad. It’s already too much for me to listen to sad Korean songs.

a blue moon on a blue night

14

english translation: cosmicsticks

JUNE 2, 2015

저는 폭력적인 행동들과 물건들을 던지는 것이 무서워요. 비디오

게임 같은 것을 촬영해야 할 때는 저는 너무 겁이 나요. 상대방이 사악하기 때문에 이런 때에는 저는 그들을 때려야 해요. 너무

무서워요. 저는 매우 스트레스를 받아요. 사진을 찍으면 제 수명이

1년 정도 짧아지는 것 같아요[한번씩]. 이것이 내가 싸움을 잘 보지 (예:권투, 레슬링) 않는 이유 에요. 나도 경주 경기는 보지 않아요.

I’m scared of violent actions and throwing things. When I have to shoot things, like in a video game, I get too scared to do it. Since the other party is evil, I have to hit them. But I get so scared and stressed. When I shoot them it’s like my lifespan is shortened by one year [each time]. This is why I don’t like watching fights (ie: boxing, wrestling). I don’t watch racing competitions either.

english translation: cosmicsticks

15

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

MARCH 16, 2017

저는 좀 우울한 사람이에요. 저는 이런 면을 숨기기보다는 보여

주는 사람이고, 저는 그것이 괜찮다고 생각해요. 만일 밝고 쾌활한 사람들이 있다면, 분명 고통 받고 우울증에 걸린 사람들도 있을

것이에요. 팬이 한번 말해 준 적이 있어요. 감추기보다는 얼마나 힘든 시간을 보내고 있는지 보여 주고 있지만, 그것을 여러분의 계절로 표현하고 있는 거예요. 저는 겨울에 항상 머무르는 것도

괜찮다고 생각해요. 하지만 전 네가 왜 봄을 맞이하여 밝은 면을 바라보는지 모르겠어요. 일년 365일 밝을 수는 없어요. 일년

365일 밝고 행복한 것 자체가 병이지 않나요? 인간은 감정의 기복이 있어야 해요.

I’m someone who is a little gloomy. I’m someone who shows this side of myself instead of hiding it and I think that’s okay.

If there are some people who are naturally bright and chirpy, then surely there are people who are gloomy and melancholic too. This is something that a fan told me once: even if you're showing how hard of a time you’re having rather than hiding it, you express it as the seasons within you. I think that’s fine too, to always stay in your winter. Though sometimes you have to look on the bright side to bring out the spring within you.

One can’t be bright 365 days per year. Being bright and happy 365 days a year is kind of an illness in itself, isn’t it? Humans have to have emotional ups and downs.

a blue moon on a blue night

16

english translation: cosmicsticks

그것을 여러분의 계절로 표현하고 있는 거예요.

You express your hardships as the seasons within you.

17

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

MAY 8, 2016

a blue moon on a blue night

18

MAY 8, 2016

혼자 있거나 따돌림을 당하는 것 같을 때, 저는 목욕을 함으로써

기분이 나아지게 해요. 욕조에 들어갔을 때, 물이 따뜻하면, 제가 열심히 일했다는 것을 말해 주는 것 같아요 마치 이렇게 말하는

것 같아요,“열심히 일했구나, 종현아!” 그런 다음 졸리기 시작하고 곧 잠이 들어요.

When I’m alone or feel like I’m being left out, I make myself feel better by taking a bath. When I get into the bathtub, if the water is warm, it feels like it’s telling me that I worked hard.

It's like it’s saying, “You’ve worked hard, Jonghyun!” Usually I get drowsy and fall asleep soon after getting in.

english translation: cosmicsticks

19

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

SEPTEMBER 18, 2016

I looked at the moon tonight and it was so pretty. It was so round and pretty.

오늘 밤에 달을 봤는데 꽤

예쁘더군요. 둥글고 예뻐요.

a blue moon on a blue night 20 english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

JANUARY 13, 2017

청취자: (오늘 밤에) 달 보셨나요? 종현 씨 닮았어요!

종현: 달이 저를 닮았다고요? 네, 저는 항상 밤에 나타나니까 맞는 말 인 것 같아요.

Listener: Did you see the moon [tonight]? It resembles you!

Jonghyun: I resemble the moon? Yeah, I guess that’s right since I always appear at night.

english translation: cosmicsticks

21

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

OCTOBER 7, 2015

제가 제 여동생에게 메시지를 보내고 있을 때, 그녀는 단지

“사랑해요.”라고 말했어요. “나도”라는 말이 정말 싫어요. 그래서 그냥 “사랑해”라고 보냈어요. 제가 보낸 후에, 우리는 농담을

나누었고, 그녀는 제가 제 목소리로 말하는 것을 듣고 싶어 했어요. 그래서 저는 그녀에게 “사랑해”라는 음성 메시지를 보냈어요.

When I was messaging my sister, she just said, “I love you.”

I really dislike the phrase “me too,” so I just sent her “I love you” back. After I sent it, we joked around and she said she wanted to hear me say it with my voice, so I sent her a voice message saying, “I love you,” too.

a blue moon on a blue night

22

english translation: cosmicsticks

OCTOBER 7, 2015

23

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

FEBRUARY 2, 2017

저는 어둡고 으스스한 느낌을 싫어해요. 저는 다크하고 아늑한

감정을 좋아해요. 그게 바로 (제 방에) 전구가 촛불처럼 노란색인

이유예요. 제 방만 어두워요. 제 방만 빼고 모든 곳이 밝고요. 밝고 하얘요! 저희 엄마는 밝은 걸 선호하거든요.

I don’t like dark and eerie feelings. I like dark and cozy feelings.

That’s why the lights [in my room] are yellow-ish, same for candles. Only my room is dark. Everything out of my room is bright. Bright and white! That’s my mom’s preference.

a blue moon on a blue night

24

english translation: cosmicsticks

저는 어둡고 으스스한 느낌을 싫어해요. 저는 다크하고 아늑한 감정을 좋아해요.

I don’t like dark and eerie feelings.

I like dark and cozy feelings.

25

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

NOVEMBER 18, 2016

a blue moon on a blue night

26

NOVEMBER 18, 2016

“하루의 끝”이라고 노래하면서 가장 울었어요. 솔로 콘서트 마지막 날에 이 노래를 부르는 동안 저는 눈물을 흘렸어요. 저는 공연할 때마다 거의 울어요. 저는 사슴 같은 사람이에요, 저는 민감하고

마음씨가 부드러워요, 그래서 많이 울어요. 이 노래는 저에게 너무 압도적이어서 저를 울게 만들어요. 두 번째 구절에 있어요. 당신을 꼭 감싸는 욕조 물처럼

남는 공간 없이 따뜻하게 안고 싶어요.

마지막 날에 그 부분을 노래하면서 저는 엄마와 누나의 눈을 사로 잡았어요. 제가 어떻게 그 때 울지 않을 수 있겠어요? 그 후 저는

다리에서 울었어요. 그 노래는 팬들이 나머지를 불러 주면서 끝났 어요. 그것은 감동적인 순간이었어요.

I cried the most while singing “하루의 끝 (The End of a Day)” on the last day of my solo concert. I cry almost every time I perform it. I’m sensitive and soft-hearted, so I cry a lot. This song has a part in the second verse that is so overwhelming for me that it makes me cry: Just like the water in a bathtub that embraces you closely I want to warmly hold you without space between us.

While singing that part during my last solo concert, I caught my mom and older sister’s eyes. How could I not cry at that point? After that, I cried my eyes out during the bridge. The fans finished singing the rest of the song for me. It was a touching moment.

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

27

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

FEBRUARY 8, 2017

“모든 사람들이 그렇게 살고 있어요 당신만이 힘든 시간을

보내는게 아니에요.” 저는 이것이 누군가를 위로하는 가장 나쁜 방법 중 하나라고 생각해요. 다른 사람들을 비교하는 것. “죽을

용기를 가지고 살아라.” 라는 말도 있어요. 그런 말은 피곤한 사람 우울한 사람 어려운 사람 지친 사람을 위로하는 가장 최악을 방법이에요.

“이봐, 힘든 시간을 보내고 지쳐서 너는 부정적인 생각을 하고

있는 거야.” 그 에너지를 이용해서 빨리 돌아가서 순서대로 돌아

가는게 좋을 것 같아.” 그들은 그들이 다시 빠르게 다시 움직여야 한다는 것을 알고 있어요. 그들은 그들이 할 수 있기를 바라지만

그들은 할 수 없어요. 눈으로 볼 수 있는 것에서, 육체적인 상처는 마음의 상처와는 매우 달라요. 그래서 내 생각에, 누군가를 위로 할 때, 우리는 우리의 눈으로 볼 수 없는 어떤 일이 일어나고 있는지를 고려 해야해요.

물론, 이런 대화에서는 누군가를 다치게 할 때도 있었고 상처를

받은 적도 있어요. 누군가를 위로할 때, 그 사람을 내 자신과 다른 사람과 비교하는 대신에, 저는 그 사람에 대해서 그 사람의 말을 듣는 것이 낫다고 생각해요.

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FEBRUARY 8, 2017

“Everyone lives like that, you’re not the only one having a hard time.” I think that’s one of the worst ways to comfort someone, by making comparisons of the person with other people. There’s that saying, too, “Live with the courage to die,” that kind of saying is the absolute worst way to comfort a tired person, a depressed person, a difficult person, an exhausted person.

“Hey, you’re having a hard time and feeling exhausted, you feel tired, you’re thinking negative thoughts. I think it’ll be better to use that energy and quickly move around and get back in order.” The truth is, that person already knows that.

They know that they should quickly start moving again. They wish, so much, that they could, but they can’t. The truth is, a physical wound is much different from a wound in the heart.

That’s why, when comforting someone, we should consider what else might be happening that we can’t see with our eyes.

Of course, in these sorts of conversations, there have definitely been times when I've hurt someone this way, and I’ve also experienced getting hurt. When comforting someone, instead of making comparisons, I think it’s better to just listen to that person talk about him/herself.

english translation: minyeodan

29

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

JANUARY 17, 2015

인간이 우는 것은 자연스러운 일이고, 심지어 동물들도

마찬가지에요. 여러분은 애완동물이 우는 것을 본 적 있나요? 내가 울 때 집에 있는 애완동물이 나에게 달려 와요.

It’s natural for human beings to cry, even animals too.

Have you seen pets cry? When I cry my pet at home will come running to me.

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30

english translation: cosmicsticks

FEBRUARY 14, 2015

오늘 푸른 밤이 끝나면, 저는 집에 가서 강아지와 이야기할 거에요. 하지만, 제 강아지는 이 말을 듣고는 걸어가 버리죠. “시끄러우니까 잠을 자야겠어.”라고 생각하며 말이죠.

After I’m done with Blue Night today I’m going to go home to talk to my puppy. But, as she listens, she walks away—perhaps thinking, “It’s noisy, I should go to sleep.”

english translation: cosmicsticks

31

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

FEBRUARY 4, 2015

비록 단계적으로 여러분의 꿈을 향해 움직이는 것이 여러분의

심장을 두근거리게 하는 것일 수 있지만, 그것은 또한 두려움에

떨게 하는 어떤 것일 수도 있어요. 가까이 다가가면,"내가 생각했 던 것과 다르다면 어떻게 해야 하지?"라는 두려움이 있습니다. 하지만 그 두려움 때문에 꿈을 피하는 것은 옳지 않아 보여요.

Although moving towards your dream step by step can be something that makes your heart flutter, it can also be something that makes you tremble in fear. When you move closer, it’s a fear of “What do I do if it’s different from what I thought it would be?” But it doesn’t seem right to avoid the dream because of that fear.

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32

english translation: cosmicsticks

FEBRUARY 18, 2015

쓸데없는 감정 같은 건 없어요. 제가 아이들이 생기면, 저는 아이들을 길러서 감정의 럭셔리함을 알게 할 거에요.

There’s no such thing as a useless emotion. When I have kids, I’m going to raise them to know the luxury of emotions.

english translation: cosmicsticks

33

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

인생에 상실감이 들어도 괜찮다는 생각이 들어요.

I think it's okay to feel lost in your life.

a blue moon on a blue night

34

AUGUST 30, 2015

인생에 상실감이 들어도 괜찮다는 생각이 들어요. 그리고 (인생에)

최종 목표에 도달하지 않아도 괜찮다고 생각해요. 상실감이나 자신이 느끼는 감정을 이용해서 얻은 게 있을 거예요. 이건 스스로 판단해야

한다고 생각해요. 자신의 삶의 만족을 다른 이가 판단하게 해서는 안 돼요. 방황이라는 감정에 너무 초조해하지 않길 바래요.

I think it’s okay to feel lost in your life. I think it’s okay not to reach that final goal [in your life]. You may earn things while being lost or could make something out of it through the emotions you feel. I think it should be your judgment. You don’t have to make someone else judge the satisfaction of your life.

I hope that you don’t feel too anxious about feeling lost.

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

35

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

JULY 1, 2016

저는 여전히 제 꿈을 실현하지 못했어요. 이런 말을 하면, 제

주변에 있는 사람들은 ‘적어도 니가 좋아하는 걸 하잖아’ 라고 말해요. 하지만 제 꿈은 가수가 되는 게 아니에요. 제 꿈은

행복해지는 거예요. 그걸 작년에 발견했어요. 그전에는 제 주변에 있는 사람들을 행복하게 해주는 거였어요.

I still haven’t realized my dream. When I say this, people around me tell me that at least I’m doing something I like.

But my dream is not to be a singer. My dream is for me to become happy. I found that out last year. Before that, my dream was to make the people around me happy.

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36

english translation: cosmicsticks

NOVEMBER 7, 2017

청취자: 꿈을 찾기에 너무 늦지 않았나요?

종현: 일생을 위해 꿈을 찾는 거 아닌가요? 저는 늦었다고

생각하지 않아요. 꿈을 이루는 것이 전부는 아니에요. 그 과정이 있잖아요, 그게 더 중요해요.

Listener: Is it too late to be in search of a dream?

Jonghyun: Aren’t dreams to be searched for your entire life?

I don’t think it’s too late, and having attained your dream isn’t everything either. It’s the process that’s more important.

english translation: cosmicsticks

37

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

FEBRUARY 21, 2015

저는 젊음이 그런 것 같아요. 당신은 누구보다 열정적이고

누구보다 게으른거요. 당신은 다른 누구보다 긍정적이지만 다른 누구보다 부정적이에요. "그렇게 많이 다치게 하지 마."라고 계속해서 생각해서는 안되요. 조금 다치더라도 괜찮아요. 넘어져도 괜찮아요.

I think youth is like that. You’re more intense than anyone else and you’re more idle than anyone else. You’re more positive than anyone else and you’re more negative than anyone else.

You shouldn’t always think, “I mustn’t hurt that much.” It’s fine if you hurt a little. It’s fine if you fall.

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38

english translation: cosmicsticks

조금 다치더라도 괜찮아요. 넘어져도 괜찮아요.

It's fine if you hurt a little.

It's fine if you fall.

39

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

FEBRUARY 21, 2015

팬 사인회 때, 대부분의 팬들은 저에게 "공부 열심히 하세요."와 같은 것들을 쓰라고 말해요. 하지만 저는 "건강하세요"를 가장 많이 쓴 것 같아요. 그게 더 중요해요.

During fansigns, most fans tell me to write things like: “Please study hard,” and things like that. But I think I write “Please be healthy” the most. That’s more important.

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40

english translation: cosmicsticks

MARCH 31, 2016

만약 네가 눈물을 흘리면, 그냥 울어요. 어떻게 "울 거리" 나 "울 거리가 없는"과 같은 것이 있을 수 있을까요?

If you tear up, then just cry. How is there such a thing as “something to cry over” or “nothing to cry over”?

english translation: cosmicsticks

41

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

APRIL 8, 2015

[그의 노래, “내일쯤 (Around Tomorrow)”] 오늘 힘이 없다면 이 가사가 위로의 힘이 될 수 있길 바래요. 내일이라도 힘을

얻는다면 괜찮아요. 녹초가 되어서 한 달간 힘든 시간을 보내도 괜찮다고 말하고 싶어요. 그 이유 때문에 이 노래를 쓰려고

노력했어요. 내일은 꼭 힘을 가지세요! 어떤 기분이 들어도, 힘을 얻을수 있다면 괜찮을 거예요!

[On his song, “내일쯤 (Around Tomorrow)”] I hope the lyrics will be a source of comfort even if you don’t gain strength today. It’s all right to gain strength even tomorrow. I wanted to say that it’s okay, even if you have been worn out and had a hard time [for as long as] a month. I tried writing the song [for that reason]. Please gain strength tomorrow! It’ll be fine as long as you gain strength when you feel like it.

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english translation: cosmicsticks

It’s all right to gain strength even tomorrow.

내일이라도 힘을 얻는다면 괜찮아요.

APRIL 19, 2016

a blue moon on a blue night

44

APRIL 19, 2016

사실 무력함을 극복하는 방법을 모르겠어요. 그냥 스스로 무력함을 느끼게 두는 편이에요. 그렇다고 ‘무력함이 끝날 때까지 가보자!’

라고 목표를 잡는 건 아니에요. 하지만 여러분은 무력함을 느끼고 난 후에 극복하는 경향이 있으신 것 같아요. 그런 상태에 있을 때

자신에 대한 생각을 할 시간을 갖게 되죠. 물론, 무력함으로 성취할 수 있는 것들이 있어요.

I actually don’t know the method to overcome a sense of helplessness. I tend to just let myself feel it. It’s not like I aim to think, “Let’s go until the end of this helplessness!” but I think you tend to recover after a while of feeling that sense of helplessness. I think you earn the time to really think about yourself when you’re in that state. There are things you definitely achieve due to that feeling of helplessness.

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

45

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

When your tears are falling, just let them shed.

눈물이 흐르면, 그냥 흐르게 두세요.

a blue moon on a blue night

46

MARCH 27, 2017

눈물이 흐르면, 그냥 흐르게 두세요. 마음 속 무게가 몸에서 한 방울 씩 떨어져 나간다고 생각하길 바래요.

When your tears are falling, just let them shed. I wish you’d think of it as if that weight inside your heart is getting out of your body drop by drop, like that.

english translation: fantaemsie

47

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

NOVEMBER 3, 2015

시간이 약이란 얘기가 있죠, 네. 근데, 음.. 저는 딱히 시간이

약이다 라는 생각을 그렇게 전적으로는 동의를 하지 못해서.

그래도 시간이 흐르면.. 시간이 약이라기 보다는 시간이 덮어주는 것 같아요, 그냥. 낫게 해주지는 않는 것 같고, 낫게 하려면 좀

다른 방법을 찾으시는게 좋을 거 같고.. 시간이 흐르면 지금보다는 조금 더 무뎌진다라는 이야기는 저도 드릴 수 있을 것 같네요.

There is a saying that “time is medicine.” Yes, but—I don’t entirely agree with the idea that time is medicine. Still, if time passes...rather than saying time is medicine, I think time just covers things up. I don’t think it heals you, and if you want to heal I think it’s better to seek some other methods. One thing I do think I can tell you is that if time passes, you will hurt a little less than you do right now.

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48

english translation: sullaem

APRIL 3, 2015

청취자: 저 좀 토닥이고 위로해주세요…

종현: [툭툭 소리] 들리세요? 제 어깨에다 하는 소리예요.

Listener: Please pat and comfort me…

Jonghyun: [patting sounds] Do you hear that? I’m patting my own shoulders right now.

english translation: cosmicsticks

49

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

I will do anything using my small, little effort to stand beside everyone.

제 약간의 작은 노력으로 무엇이든 해서 모두의 곁에 있을 거예요.

a blue moon on a blue night

50

FEBRUARY 4, 2015

모두에게 약속할게요. 여러분이 슬플 때, 저는 여러분과 함께 울 거예요. 여러분이 행복할 때, 저는 여러분을 위해 더 행복해질

거예요. 제 작은 노력으로 무엇이든 해서 모두 곁에 있을 거예요.

I’ll make everyone a promise. When you’re sad, I’ll cry together with you. If you’re happy, I’ll be even happier for you.

I will do anything using my small, little effort to stand beside everyone.

english translation: cosmicsticks

51

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

SEPTEMBER 29, 2015

a blue moon on a blue night

52

SEPTEMBER 29, 2015

전 더 예민해진 것 같아요. 종종 울거든요. 가을이라서 그런가봐요? (예: 종현은 최근에 계절을 탄다고 언급했습니다.) (가장 최근에) 어린 아이들이 나오는 방송을 봤었어요. 제 애가 아니지만,

아이들이 “아빠, 많이 좀 먹어!”라고 하는 장면을 보니 목이

메이더라고요. 미래에, 제가 아이를 가지게 되면, 아이가 무슨 말을 하든 무엇을 하든 간에, 아이가 너무 자랑스러워서 울 것 같아요.

(가끔) 다른 아이들을 봐도 울컥해요. 내 아이였으면 어떤 기분일까 궁금해요. 하지만, 한편으로는, (언젠가) 제가 결혼이나 할 수 있을까 걱정돼요.

I think I’ve become more sensitive. I’ve been crying often.

Maybe it’s because it’s autumn? [Jonghyun mentioned recently that he has Seasonal Affective Disorder]. I’ve been watching programs with little kids in [them a lot lately] and, even though they aren’t my kids, when I watch them saying: “Dad, please eat a lot!” I feel like there’s a lump in my throat. In the future, when I have my own kids, whatever they say or do, I think I will cry because I would be so proud of them. I want to cry even by looking at other kids [sometimes] so I’ve wondered how I would feel if they were my kids. However, on the other hand, I also worry whether or not I can even marry [someday].

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

53

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

MARCH 11, 2014

우리 푸른 밤 가족 중에서 오늘 밤 혼자 울고 계신 분 있나요? 어떤 것이나 누군가를 불쌍히 여겨서 우는 게 아니라, 그들이 왜 그런

방식으로 살아가는지 이유를 묻지 않을 수 없기 때문이죠? 불필요하게 감상적이게 되거나 죄책감을 느끼는 분도 계신가요? 그러지 마세요. 홀로 우는 쓰라린 날들이 당신의 삶에서 가장 아름다운 날임을

증명해준다는 걸 믿길 바래요. 시간이 지나면 당신의 삶이 꽤 괜찮다는 걸 깨닫게 될 거예요. 제가 약속할게요. 사실은, 보증서를 써줄 수

있어요! 이 세상에서 가장 아름다운 건 지금이에요. 이 순간이에요. 제 말 꼭 잊지 마세요.

Is there anyone out there, from our Blue Night family, that is crying alone tonight? Not crying out of pity for something or someone, but instead because they cannot help asking why they are living the way they are? Is there anyone that is feeling needlessly sentimental or guilty? Don’t be like that. I hope you believe that these bitter days of crying alone will prove to be the most beautiful days of your life. You’ll realize, with time, that your life is actually pretty all right. I promise you. In fact, I’ll write you a guarantee! The most beautiful thing in all the world is right now. This moment. You. Don’t ever forget that.

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english translation: cosmicsticks

이 세상에서 가장 아름다운 건 지금이에요. 이 순간 이에요. 제 말 꼭 잊지 마세요.

The most beautiful thing in all the world is right now. This moment.

You. Don't ever forget that.

55

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

MAY 22, 2016

모두가 걸어야 할 길이 각자 다 달라요. 그러니까 친구들하고 자신을 너무 비교하지 않았음 좋겠어요.

The path that everyone has to take is different, so I hope you don’t compare yourself too much to your friends.

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56

english translation: cosmicsticks

MARCH 30, 2016

짝사랑을 경험해보지 않은 분 계신가요? 없을 것 같아요. 저는 좋아한다는 생각이 들 때 종종 짝사랑을 경험해요. 짝사랑도

행복한 것 같아요, 당신이 누군가를 사랑하는 거니까요. 사랑을 할 수 없는 사람도 많이 있거든요. 짝사랑으로 인해 슬프거나 두통이 와도 행복한 상황이라는 생각이 들어요. 이건 성장하는 과정이면서 인생의 좋은 경험 중 일부이니까요.

Would there be anyone who hasn’t experienced one-sided love? I don’t think so. I experience one-sided love very often to the point that I think I like it. I think one-sided love is a form of happiness too, in the fact that you’re loving someone. There are many people who cannot love. I think it’s a happy situation although you may feel sad or a heartache because of it. It’s part of a growing up process and a good experience in life.

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

57

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

JUNE 21, 2015

사람들 모두 다 혼자만 있는 시간이 필요한 것 같아요. 그냥 넋

놓고 있는 것 같아 보일 수 있지만 그런 시간들이 모여서 삶이 더 채워진다고 생각하거든요.

People need time alone. Even though it may look like you’re just zoning out, as such time accumulates, I think your life will be enriched.

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58

english translation: cosmicsticks

JUNE 21, 2015

우리는 내일이 먼저 올지 아니면 다음 생이 먼저 올지 모르니까, 말하고 싶은 게 있다면 그냥 지금 말해요.

We don’t know if tomorrow will come first or the next life will come first, so let’s just say everything that we want to say now.

english translation: cosmicsticks

59

푸른 밤에 푸른 달

그리고 남겨진 사람들도 앞으로는 덜 아프고 더 기억하고 그렇게 지냈으면 좋겠습니다.

I hope that from now on, those who were left behind will hurt less and remember more.

a blue moon on a blue night

60

APRIL 16, 2016

사라진 것들에 대한 기억이나 상실의 아픔이 시간이 지나면서

희미해지고 엷어지기도 하죠. 시간에 우리를 맡기면 그런 일이

벌어지지만, 우리가 시간과 타협하지 않고 그들을 기억하고자 한다면 사라진 것은 사라진 것이 아닐 수도 있다는 생각이 들어요. 곧 날씨가 더워지고, 단풍이 들고, 눈이 내리겠죠...이 시간들 속에서 한번쯤은 우리 곁에 그들이 있었다는 사실을 잊지 않았으면 좋겠습니다.

그리고 남겨진 사람들도 앞으로는 덜 아프고 더 기억하고 그렇게 지냈으면 좋겠습니다.

세월호 참사 2주기였습니다.

As time goes on, memories of things that have disappeared or the pain of loss can grow pale and faint. Those things happen if we just lend ourselves to time, but if we don’t compromise with time and commit ourselves to remembering those people, I think the things that disappeared may never have disappeared after all. Soon, the weather will get hotter, leaves will change colors, and snow will fall. Within these times, even just once, I hope we won’t forget the fact that those people were by our side. And I hope that from now on, those who were left behind will hurt less and remember more. That’s the way I hope they’ll live.

This was on the second anniversary of the Sewol disaster.

english translation: sullaem

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APRIL 11, 2016

“보고 싶어”라는 말이 참 좋다는 생각이 들어요. 사랑하는 사람들 사이에서 종종 하는 말이지만 친구랑도 할 수 있는 말이거든요. “야, 보고 싶다” 또는 “너무 바빴는데, 너랑 술 한잔하고 싶어.

보고 싶다.”라고도 하죠. 편안하게 할 수 있는 말이에요. 그리고

다른 사람을 얼마나 생각하는지나 갈망하는지를 전달할 수 있는 가장 쉬운 방법이지요. 때때로, 당황스러워서 말할 수 없을 때,

“보고 싶어”라는 말은 크게 부담스럽지 않죠, 그리고 (보고 싶다고 말하면) 마음을 여전히 전달할 수 있죠.

I think “I miss you” is such a nice phrase. It’s said often between lovers, but also between friends as well. “Hey, I miss you” or “I’ve been so busy, I want to have a drink with you.

I miss you.” It’s a phrase that you can say comfortably, and it might be one of the easiest phrases someone can say to deliver how much they think about or long for another person.

Sometimes there are things you cannot say because you feel embarrassed. “I miss you” doesn’t feel like much of a burden to say, and you can still convey your heart [by saying it].

a blue moon on a blue night

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APRIL 11, 2016

english translation: thatcoolcatmeow

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그래서 지금 진심이에요. 우리는 곧 다시 만날 거예요.

My heart is sincere right now.

We'll see each other again.

a blue moon on a blue night

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MARCH 31, 2017

우리 다시 만나요. 곧 다시 만날 거예요. 제가 거짓말을 좀 한다는 거 아시겠지만, 중요한 것에는 거짓말하지 않잖아요. 게다가,

청취자 가족분들께 약속한 것이기도 하고, 서로 애착을 많이 가진 거라… 이런 거짓말을 하는 게 저한테는 아주 힘들어요. 그래서 지금 진심이에요. 우리는 곧 다시 만날 거예요.

Let’s see each other again. We’ll soon meet again. You know I too lie quite a bit, but when it comes to important things I can’t lie. Moreover, since it’s something I promised the listeners family, the ones I came to have a reciprocal attachment to lie about something like this would be too hard for me. That’s why my heart is sincere right now. We’ll see each other again.

english translation: fantaemsie

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APRIL 3, 2017

JONGHYUN'S L AST BROADCAST

'아마도 너와 난 꼭 그때가 아니었더라도 너와 난 분명 만났을 거야' 당신과 나의 푸른 밤이 1000일을 맞이했을 때 함께 들었던

노래죠 제목부터 직설적인 종현의 1000. 노래 가사입니다. 저에게 라디오란 참 의미가 깊고 멋진 성장의 경험이었어요 제가 그런 이 야기를 많이 하잖아요 성장엔 항상 통증이 따라와요. 성장통을

겪는 과정이라고 생각을 하고 있어요 그럼에도 불구하고 저에겐 너무나도 소중한 기억이 됐어요.

여러분에게도 소중한 기억이 되길 바라고 추억하며 다시 만날

그날을 기약했으면 하네요 인생의 큰 분기점이 됐어요. 라디오.

그리고 푸른 밤. 참 푸른 밤이라는 단어 앞에 제 이름을 몇 번이나

붙여서 읊조렸는지 모르겠네요. '푸른 밤 종현입니다' 라는 문장이 처음에는 참 어색했는데 그게 익숙함이 됐어요. 그 익숙함과 잠시 인사를 해야 될 날이 왔네요 그래요 삶이라는 건 참 만남과

헤어짐의 연속이죠? 우리도 그 과정 속에 있고 그래서 성장을 하고 있다고 믿어요.

당장은 참 아쉽고 섭섭하고 눈물 나고 그러겠지만 우린 꼭 다시

만날 거예요 '아마도 너와 난 꼭 그때가 아니었더라도 너와 난 분명 만났을 거야' 그때, 그때가 어서 오길 바라 구요 그때엔 지금의 감정보다 훨씬 큰 반가움으로 서로를 맞이하겠죠.

어, 마지막 인사 어떻게 해야 되나 고민 진짜 많이 했어요 그리고 하던 대로 하기로 먹었어요 대신 그 앞에 한마디 더 붙여서

인사를 하려 구요 지금까지 푸른 밤, 종현이었습니다 저도 쉬러 올게요 여러분도 여전히 그리고 안녕히 내일도 쉬러 와요. 여러분 사랑합니다.

a blue moon on a blue night

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korean: bluenight_0203

JONGHYUN'S L AST BROADCAST

APRIL 3, 2017

Even if it weren’t that time, you and I surely would have met.

It was the song we listened to together during the 1,000th Blue Night between you and I. They are the lyrics from the song— which the title, itself, is straightforward. Jonghyun’s “1000.”

Radio to me is deeply meaningful and has been an experience of great growth. I’ve said this a lot, that pain always follows growth. Through Blue Night, I have gone through this process where I experienced the pain of growth. Despite that, it has become a precious memory for me. I hope they will become precious memories to everyone, and I hope to reminisce it until the day I return.

Radio was a big turning point of my life. I don’t know how many times I have repeated the term Blue Night with my name next to it. The sentence, “Blue Night, I am Jonghyun,” was really awkward to say in the beginning, but it has now become familiar to me. The day when I must temporarily bid goodbye to this familiarity has come. That’s right. The thing about life is that it is made up of a cycle of repetitive meetings and separation. I believe that we are also in that process ourselves now and that’s why we are growing. Right now, it’s going to be difficult. It will be disappointing, tears will flow, but we will definitely meet again.

Even if it weren’t that time, you and I surely would have met.

I hope that time will come soon. That time, we will greet each other with a joy that will be even greater than the feelings of the present.

I troubled a lot over how I should do the last ending and I’ve decided I’ll do it like I usually do, but I’ll add in one more line: This has been Blue Night. I am Jonghyun. I, too, will rest and come back. Everyone, as usual, please come and rest with us tomorrow too.

I love you all.

english translation: cosmicsticks

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방송중에

on the air

photo credit: midnight blue

photo credit: im' sorry

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photo credit: ideal boy

photo credit: broomy

a blue moon on a blue night

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photo credit: april dream

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photo credit: broomy

photo credit: past present future

a blue moon on a blue night

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photo credit: perfect reason

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photo credit: dubbabx2

a blue moon on a blue night

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photo credit: im' sorry

photo credit: april dream

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친구들과 함께

with friends

with choi minho, fellow member of shinee photo credit: starstruck

with jang heeyeon (nine9), member of dear cloud

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with his bandmates, the members of shinee

with lee taemin, fellow member of shinee

a blue moon on a blue night

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with choi minho, fellow member of shinee photo credit: king

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with kim taeyeon, member of girls' generation

with jang heeyeon (nine9), member of dear cloud

a blue moon on a blue night

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with go youngbae and coffee boy

with jung soojung (krystal), member of f(x)

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무대 위에

on stage

at blue night radio live concert / december 8, 2015 photo credit: delight

at blue night radio live concert / september 22, 2015 photo credit: guilty pleasure

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at blue night radio live concert / september 22, 2015 photo credit: april dream

a blue moon on a blue night

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at blue night radio live concert / september 22, 2015 photo credit: imbc.com

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at blue night radio live concert / december 8, 2015 photo credit: broomy

at blue night radio live concert / december 8, 2015 photo credit: past present future

a blue moon on a blue night

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at blue night radio live concert / december 8, 2015 photo credit: april dream

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photo credit: king

당신은 잘 했어요.

You did well.

에필로그

a blue moon on a blue night

afterword

90

I created this book out of necessity. In the few months following Jonghyun’s passing, I felt overwhelmed with grief that seemed to worsen with time. I really struggled with fully processing what had happened; it didn’t feel real. It affected me in a way that I couldn’t, and still can’t, put into words adequately. I felt helpless, I felt that I needed to do something for him, I needed to create something that honored his memory in some way.

I came to Blue Night after seeing many of his quotes re-circulating online in the earlier months of 2018. It reminded me of when I used to listen to clips of him on the show a few years ago simply because I enjoyed listening to his voice, even though I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Later I would read the English translations and feel a sense of peace. There was something that made me feel drawn to his words before I knew what they meant and I couldn’t explain it. When I learned the meaning to what he said, everything seemed to fall into place. His words gave me comfort and a sense of safety.

I hope this book will be a reminder of the positivity and light that Jonghyun brought into the world. I hope it can be a source of comfort for those who need it. I hope it can remind us of how incredible, gentle, and kind he was, and of his genuine and warm heart. I hope we can continue to keep him in our memories for a long, long time.

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고맙습니다

special thanks

ENGLISH TRANSL ATIONS

PHOTOS

Cosmicsticks Fantaemsie Minyeodan Sullaem Thatcoolcatmeow

April Dream Broomy Delight Dubbabx2 Guilty Pleasure Im' Sorry Ideal Boy iMBC.com King Midnight Blue Past Present Future Perfect Reason Starstruck

KOREAN TRANSL ATIONS Ro0-Ra Lee Ye Lim Lee

SPECIAL THANKS To Brittany (fyjjong/jaekhyun) for posting the English translated quotes online so countless fans can know Jonghyun's words and gain comfort in them. For meticulously organizing updates, photos, and translations. For being a source of warmth, kindness, and support for the community while we mourn the loss of someone so dear to us. Thank you.

To Jonghyun, for showing a bit of your heart to us and giving us comfort and strength time and time again. For being unapologetically yourself in a harsh and judgmental world that rejects the sensitive and soft-hearted. For pouring yourself into your music, your lyrics, and your words. For sharing your amazing talent with us. For embracing those deemed abnormal and unwanted. For fighting—for us, and for yourself. Even though most of us never had the chance to know you personally, you impacted us in an indescribable yet incredible way. Thank you for bringing your bright, glowing energy into this world.

You are deeply missed.

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This book, A Blue Moon on a Blue Night, was created by Julianne Feaver in the Spring 2018 semester as the final project for Bookbinding Methods, an undergraduate course taught by Rosae Reeder at The University of the Arts in Philadelphia, PA. English body copy was set in Lyon Text by Commercial Type, English titles were set in Aperรงu by Colophon Foundry, and Korean text was set in Source Han Sans Korean by Adobe Originals.