2 minute read
WHY THE SECRECY? By Sophie Brown
The menopause is a hot topic for women over 40 – but only among themselves.
Why aren’t partners and family members prepared for the knock on effects of living with someone going through it? Why aren’t young women prepared for what’s to come? And why are we still turning to Google for advice?
As naïve as it sounds, I knew nothing on the subject until my mum began her ‘change’. No school subject covered this. My friends didn’t discuss it.
What I was least prepared for was the deep emotional turmoil, the confusion whether there’s something really wrong. I wonder if other young women (and men) feel the same. We’re suddenly thrown into watching our strong, independent, resilient mothers knocked down by something they say is ‘normal’ and are unable to help them.
I think back to the countless appointments, medications and side effects, which were not only overwhelming for my mum, but for all of us around her. Some symptoms – hair thinning is an example – are so drastic, yet families and friends still don’t make the connections, and how can they with no prior knowledge?
With a male manager and no workplace support, is it any wonder my mum’s daily struggles left her emotionally and physically drained by the time she got home from work?
Kathie Cooke, a menopause specialist at Liverpool Women’s Hospital has met many women who simply stop coping. “Through fatigue from sleeplessness and anxiety about severe flushes they lose a sense of self and become withdrawn... isolated... depressed.” Her role is to give women
the sense that they’re not alone and their feelings are not only justified, they are completely normal.
There seems to be a great gap here, one which Kathie alone cannot fill. The situation could be so much different if we were prepared and had basic knowledge of side effects and how to deal with them.
Right now we’re still searching for the answers. And our wives, mums and colleagues are suffering alone when they don’t need to.
Sophie Brown, Digital Communications Officer at Mersey Care NHS Foundation Trust
THE HIDDEN SYMPTOMS
Writer Tamara Lawrence reveals some menopause scenarios only close friends would share.
• ‘I’ll DM you my thoughts – if I remember, my fingers aren’t too fat to type and I’ve finished plucking my chin.’ Kate, financial services administrator
• ‘Road rage – if someone blocks me in the red mist descends’. Ellie, mum of three
• ‘Severe joint stiffness as well as the general aches and pains. I thought I was working out too hard, but my GP said it was a symptom’. Sally, a personal trainer’
• Heartburn. ‘Everything I ate seemed to sit on my chest, or make an attempt to reappear later.’ Liz
• Anxiety. Successful women who have raised families, held down jobs and ‘kept it all together’ for years describe feelings of unease, inadequacy or loss of confidence.
What can be done?
‘Talk about it,’ says Kate. ‘Knowing other people are experiencing these things gave me the confidence to go to the GP and get help.’
